Dayton Daily News education reporter Scott Elliott writes about schools, kids, teaching and learning.
Home > Blogs > Get on the Bus > Archives > 2006 > January > 08 > Entry
Buried in sport, and dance, and …
Back at the beginning of the school year, with my oldest daughter entering first grade and two others in pre-school, I made a list of the extracurricular activities I’d like to see my kids participate in during elementary school, either because they have expressed interest in it or I think it would be good for them. Here’s what I had on it:
- Soccer
- Basketball
- Swimming lessons
- Ballet
- Musical instrument lessons
- Foreign language
- Chess
- Girl Scouts
Now think about this. In the fall, all three daughters played non-competitive youth soccer through the YMCA. This meant three practices a week (one for each kid) on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. My wife, meanwhile, was taking classes on Monday night and Thursday. I usually work Tuesday night. Then Saturday mornings often entailed back-to-back-to-back games for three hours.
By the time the soccer season ended, we were completely spent. Getting together with some friends over the holidays, I realized how little we had even seen our friends during the fall. We were just too busy.
And that was just one sport for three little kids.
In Sunday’s Dayton Daily News, Jim DeBrosse wrote about overscheduled families and the challenge of ensuring your kids have opportunities to expand their horizons without burying them (and yourself) in a schedule you couldn’t track with a spreadsheet.
Part of the problem is the level of commitment required today to participate in anything.
Take sport.
A friend last summer showed me his son’s select team baseball schedule — 60 games from April to September in at least a half dozen states!
If a young boy or girl wants a shot at playing a sport in high school these days they need to get started, and get serious, very young. It’s common for coaches to begin pressuring kids as young as 12 or 13 to choose one sport to focus on.
I’m still struggling with how to give my kids the kinds of opportunities I think will help them develop into well-rounded, interesting and intelligent adults. Jim’s story essentially tells me to come to terms with the fact that the kids won’t be able to get all the things I hoped they might.
Any advice on how to choose which activities are most important, and which we should just let slide?
Permalink | Comments (10) | Categories: Sports and Athletics, Young Children
Comments
By Mia
January 12, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this
There are ups and downs to both sides. My son is very active in Football and Wrestling. He tried Baseball for a couple of years and didn’t want to continue so we let him quit. He wants to try track this spring or continue his wrestling into the spring. He does very well academically and loves the sports he is in. If he does want to quit a sports (i.e. the one year of soccer he did) we let him, but he has to finish the season. We do this to teach him the importance of committments and teamwork. Another benefit of the sports program is that my son gets plenty of excercise and stays at a healthy weight. He tends to get heavy easily both my husband and I are overweight and do not want him to follow in our footsteps. It’s a just a matter of balancing your schedule. Of course, we get tired of going to practices 2, 3 or even 4 nights a week and then traveling all weekend, but it’s worth the sacrifice to see my son enjoying the sports, staying healthy, and making lasting friendships.By Lea
January 10, 2006 9:03 AM | Link to this
Last spring my stepkids’ mom enrolled them in cheerleading & football, but we didn’t find out until two days after practices started. All through the summer I watched them fall asleep during meals, and the 10-year-old had huge circles under her eyes. She actually was relieved when my huysband and I both had to work late, so she could take a nap instead of practice. This is only ONE activity! I think you need to make sure that whatever activities your kids are in, they don’t insist that your kids spend all their time doing them. For instance, the practices for both were 5 days a week, 2 hours per day, plus games on the weekends. We were told that homework was not an excuse for missing practice. (Uh - practice isn’t an excuse for missing HOMEWORK as far as I’m concerned!) Listening to your kids, including just watching them, is super important too.By Derwood
January 10, 2006 8:02 AM | Link to this
100% agreed that balance in their activities is important for everyone in the family. Its just that I see many families with little or no balance.. Too often, the parents are ‘type a’ overachievers that think their kid should be too. Or, the parents try to live their fantasies through their kids.By Chris
January 10, 2006 12:59 AM | Link to this
We have 2 children, boy and girl, separated by 9 years. The girl is only 3 so she hasn’t started sports yet but I fully expect her to follow her brothers example. Our son played over 60 soccer games last year and he will probably play 60 more in 2006 for the 4th straight year. He practices 3-4 times a week before the games start and 2-3 times during the season. He will also spend most of the summer in camps. After every season I ask him if he wants to keep doing this and he always does. He loves soccer and he is very good at it. He also has played baseball, basketball and run track for his school teams. He likes track, is so-so on basketball and never took to baseball. When he told me he wanted to quit baseball because it was boring, I said OK. When he wanted to quit basketball (which he says he wants to every year at some point) I wouldn’t let him quit because his reasoning was always centered on something other than the game. Thus you have to use your intuition and treat each case on its own merit. And each child will be a little different. I firmly believe that children benefit greatly from playing sports. As a coach I see kids learning lessons about teamwork and shared sacrifice. I see them striving to get better and how to interact with each other. Left to do what they want, most of my son’s friends would play video games, eat candy and drink pop all day. Pushing them to play sports or sacrificing your time to get them to practice is a small price to pay considering the benefits.By Hillary
January 9, 2006 9:52 PM | Link to this
I think that you have to let the kid decide what they want (for the most part — if grades suffer, it’s not worth it and it’s time to put your foot down). As a child I was in Girl Scouts from kindergarten through my freshmen year in high school (when I quit because I wanted to), I played soccer for 3 years and when I didn’t want to play anymore I didn’t have to. I think that I wanted to play then because my friends were playing. I had a friend who took dance from the time we were little. She’s 21 now and she’s still dancing. We both were always active and entertained and still did well in school and are pretty well rounded. Once I got older, I was in numerous HS activities that I wanted to be in but I was never forced. I think trying to create a well rounded child at that early an age is almost pointless. Give them culture and opportunity but don’t force them or drain them to do it.By susan
January 9, 2006 4:58 PM | Link to this
the stresses associated with extracurricular activities take a hidden toll. my sons benefited from the adult attention and guidance they received.(the most gratifying compliment I have ever received was from a colleague who met my sons and said it was clear that caring adults had spent a great deal of time guiding them to young adulthood.) unfortunately, the time spent in facilitating your child’s development, whether it is devoted to traveling to games, practices or coaching, whatever, can seriously detract from the quality and quantity of time spent with your spouse. watching a marriage fall apart under the strain of ‘producing’ the best kid you can is a zero sum game by any measure. and, unfortunately, it can happen without ever knowing what is at risk.By Maryann
January 9, 2006 2:48 PM | Link to this
My daughter is 7 and last year she was in dance. She loved and did very well. So this we decided to let her join again, however school seemed to be hareder for her and grades were lacking because of the shuffle from school to home to dance to haome to dinner and homework and bath and bed. There was no time for her to be kid. So we talked to her about it and took her out of dance, she since inproved in school greatly, we promised that if grades came up after christmas she could go back to dance, However she decided she enjoyed being with us and friends basically being a kid more than dance. So I say talk to child they’ll let you know what they want. Sports and activties aren’t gonna make your child a better person, you are. Don’t try to live your childhood dreams through your kids they’ll only hate you for it later.By Mary
January 9, 2006 12:26 PM | Link to this
I would like to add a different twist to this topic. Kids are being “recruited” for some of these activities by their schools and friends and not really being presented what all their choices really are. They and parents are not being told upfront, what strings, time commitment and dollars are attached, and what the pros and cons are. Many times I think there are other adults influencing the kids choices unbeknownst to parents. As yesterday’s article pointed out, kids used to just go out and play things like soccer without adults orchestrating these activities. Follow the money on some of these activities and ask yourself who is really benefitting - your child or another adult.By Scott Elliott
January 9, 2006 10:33 AM | Link to this
Great point by Derwood. Yes, definitely listen to your children. But this can be trickier than it sounds. I remember when I was about 10 years old, my father reminded me that basketball signups were coming up that weekend and I recall very distinctly telling him I didn’t think I wanted to play basketball that year. He was stunned. He reminded me how much I enjoyed basketball the year before and how good I was at it. Eventually, he talked me into giving it another go, I think largely because he enjoyed basketball so much. Thank God he did. I went on to play into high school and still play to this day for recreation. I love to play the game. I just can’t imagine what my life would have been like without basketball, if my father had just agreed with my off-handed statement that day. By the same token, my daughter did not want to join a chess club last year. Only boys were in the club, she told me. But I talked her into it and now she delights in beating me. So there’s a balance. Listen to them, for sure. But trust your instincts, too.By Derwood
January 9, 2006 4:26 AM | Link to this
How about letting your kids decide what’s important to them? My daughter came to my wife and I at the ripe old age of 5 and informed us she wanted to learn Irish Dance. When she started taking lessons, we made a deal with her. We told her that we would support her as long as she enjoyed it. If she ever felt that she was getting bored or not having fun, she could quit without fear. She’s now in her 5th year of dance, and has become amazingly proficient. Along the way, she has also learned to play the pennywhistle. On the nights she isnt taking lessons, she practices at least an hour. I firmly believe that if we had arbitrarily chosen something for her, or tried to live our fantasies of fame and fortune through her, that it would not have met with the same level of success. Too often, that is how activities are chosen for children. Kids need to learn how to make decisions and learn from them. Just throwing them into something because you like it doesnt mean they do too. Learn about them and their likes. Also, above all, kids need time to be kids. Being well-rounded is wonderful. Kids still need time to themselves to just be kids and not have to worry about responsibilities 24x7.