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‘American Idol’ 2010: Top 4 performances
Wow, it’s dark in here. Stupid movie night. Excuse me … pardon me … excuse me … oops, sorry … pardon me … (boy, there’s not a lot of room to get past people and into your seats in these theaters).
Hey … they didn’t have Twizzlers. Are Red Vines okay? No, I got you a coke — this is “American Idol,” after all. Here, hold this popcorn. Did I miss anything?
Lee DeWyze sang what? “Kiss from a Rose?” What movie is that from? Oh, right … one of the “Batmans.” Er, “Batmen?” Anyway, how’d he do? Yeah, well, he’s almost always a little off key. What? Oh, he was a lot off key, huh? Hmmm … that’s not good. You know the producers and judges really want him to win. I’ll bet they drooled all over his performance anyway, right? Yeah, I knew it.
Your grade’s a C-, huh? Ouch.
What about Big Mike? Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. The popcorn line was really long. Hold on … this kid behind us keeps kicking my chair. Knock it off, you little rug rat! Okay, so anyway … Big Mike. “Free Willy?” You’re joking, right? Well, “Will You Be There” is a Michael Jackson song, so it was probably a good choice. Yeah, that kind of ballad is right in Lynche’s wheelhouse. He hit every note, huh? The guy is a machine. Unfortunately, he tends to make the emotional connection of a machine, too. Kara said it didn’t give her goosebumps? Simon said what? He’s never seen “Free Willy?” Dude, we have got to have him over to watch it (or its forgotten sequel, “Moderately-Priced Willy”).
That sounds like a B- performance to me.
Did I hear somebody at the concession stand say that Casey James played a mandolin? I thought that was Mike Lynche’s gimmick. Oh, right — Lynche plays a full-size guitar, but he’s so massive it looks like a mandolin. So, what did Casey sing? Seriously? “Mrs. Robinson?” Please tell me that didn’t result in more cougar jokes about Kara. It did? Of course it did. And Randy Jackson started it, yeah. Well, I guess there’s a reason his name is “Randy.” How did the judges like Casey? Oh, they couldn’t get past the jokes to comment much. Well, that was probably Casey’s intent — appeal to the cougar fans, deflect attention from the sheep voice. That’s got to be one of the shrewdest song choices at this stage in the game in “Idol” history.
You give Casey a C+, eh? I don’t see many sympathetic eyes.
Oh, right, Crystal Bowersox. She was in the pimp spot, so it had to be good, right? She did not! Shut up! Seriously? Crystal sang Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Alright?” Dude — that song is from “Caddyshack,” the single greatest film in the history of motion pictures! Did she have Lee DeWyze dressed like a gopher and doing the twist next to her? It’s a “Caddyshack” joke. You haven’t seen “Caddyshack?” Okay, we’re going to Blockbuster the minute I file this story. I’ll bet she was really good but the judges tore her apart. Oh, they kind of liked it? Good. I’m going to have to look that one up on YouTube.
An A- effort? Well, she’s got that going for her, which is nice.
Yeah, I saw both the duets. Go figure. Well, since you asked, I thought both pairs sounded good together, and it was kinda funny to watch Lee squirm while Crystal wrapped the “artist” t-shirt celebrity mentor Jamie Foxx gave her around her fist, punched out the windows to his soul she was staring into while he tried to avoid her powerful, hipster gaze and cavorted around in there like a wood nymph for a few minutes. I’m not going to rate those performances, I’ll just call them a draw.
Well, based solely on your comments about Tuesday’s performances, it sounds like Lee DeWyze or Casey James should go home. Of course, we know Lee’s not going anywhere. So I’m predicting it will be either Casey or Big Mike.
Whoa — it always hurts my eyes when they bring the lights up after the show. I don’t think I liked movie night on “Idol” very much. Let’s skip it next year, okay?
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post your comment Categories: American Idol, Entertainment, Random thoughts
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By Steve
May 12, 2010 3:31 PM | Link to this
That was the worst final 4 performance in AI history! Even Crystal phoned it in, but do they ever tell her she's playing it safe?...ok, well maybe once. Can this show not find STARS? Half the cast of Glee could kick this group's ***. Enjoy, because the shark has been jumped and this show is dead when Simon leaves.
By gdub
May 12, 2010 2:18 PM | Link to this
so, it's probably not a good sign for three of the four "Idol" aspirants that they sounded better singing with someone else than they did as a solo performer...
but I really did like Crystal and Lee...the other duo just showed how much better Casey is at playing guitar than he is at singing...maybe he can play in the Idol backup band next year...