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‘American Idol’ week five: Top 11
This was supposed to be ‘teen idol” week on the Fox juggernaut. And even though the theme was changed to “Billboard number ones” at more or less the last minute, it still kind of was.
Look, there’s 17-year-old Miley Cyrus, your celebrity mentor! To be fair, Miley must know a lot about being a celebrity and an idol (and probably way more than Ellen does about music). Still, it was kind of awkward watching her dole out advice to wannabees (in some cases far) older than herself. I’m just not sure if it was more weird for her, the contestants or the viewers at home.
Added drama! The loser this week juuuuuust misses out on going on the Top 10-only “Idols Live!” summer concert tour. Consolation prize: that person won’t have to spend months on a bus with the rest of these mopes.
Here’s the roundup:
Lee Dewyze, “The Letter”
Hey Lee, I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first? Oh, Lee, so predictable … everybody wants the bad news first. Okay, here it is: you’re no longer a national Twitter trending topic. But the good news is that your confidence, stage presence and — most importantly for me, if not the judges — your vocals continue to improve week after week. I’m not sure why everybody thought this was an odd song choice; it seemed perfect to me. And I’ll forgive the lack of an Alex Chilton reference, because you’re just a baby and you nailed it.
“That was you doing something quite corny,” Simon
Grade: B
Paige Miles, “Against All Odds”
Wow. I’m speechless. I only wish Paige was. This was, hands down, the singularly worst vocal of this season — from anybody — and that’s really saying something. Have I ever given out a grade of “F” before? Nope. Do I wish there were a lower grade, such as “G,” “H” or “R?” Yep.
“It was the worst vocal I’ve ever heard from you and possibly for the season,” Kara
Grade: F
Tim Urban, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”
You know how Freddy Mercury delivered this song effortlessly, as if he knew how stupid it was? As if he sat around backstage with Brian May and May talked about how pathetic the current state of rock and roll was and Freddie bet him that he could write the stupidest pop song ever and send it straight up to the top of the charts? Take that level of nonchalance and reverse it: Tim Urban performed this song with a ridiculous level of earnestness. Sadly, a crazy little thing called the tween-girl voting bloc will keep Tim for another week. But Tim needs to do two things right away: 1. Pick better songs and sing them well; and 2. Send Paige Miles a bouquet — not as a sympathy gesture, but as a thank you for making him look so good by comparison.
“It felt like an audition for ‘High School Musical’,” Ellen
Grade: D
Aaron Kelly, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”
Aaron got the sympathy act from the judges this week for his temporary affliction. What? No, not his boringness — that is congenital and will never go away. No, he was the latest hopeful to come down with laryngitis. If you were a bug, would you go near any of these kids? Aaron’s probably the smallest and weakest and least capable of fighting it off. But I’ll bet Siobhan Magnus could stare down the Ebola virus and send it running.
“You’re making yourself old fashioned,” Simon
Grade: C-
Crystal Bowersox, “Me and Bobby McGee”
Maybe I’m jaded, but I really thought the judges were going to rip a new hole in Crystal’s acoustic guitar for finally tackling Janis, which I’ve been expecting her to do for weeks. “Predictable,” I could hear Simon saying. “Honey, you didn’t do anything different with it,” Kara scolded Crystal in my mind’s “Idol.” “Dawg, you know I love you, but Janis? I just wasn’t feelin’ it,’ Randy would chastise. And Ellen would say something about a pomegranate and a toothbrush that I would know was supposed to be funny, but couldn’t figure out why. But they loved it. Good for you, judges. Good for you, Crystal. Ellen seemed to imply that Crystal chose this song because while Ellen was driving during the week the song came on the radio and she imagined Crsytal singing it. If that’s true, Ellen, can you please imagine Katie Stevens singing something by, say, The Ramones?
“That’s what’s called being a star,” Randy
Grade: A
Michael Lynche, “When A Man Loves a Woman”
Well, Michael delivered some nice vocals tonight. The performance started out great but got a little cheesy as it went along. Plus, he’s starting to appear overconfident, and confidence is attractive but overconfidence is off-putting. Solid, not great, and a bit of a safe choice.
“I felt it was a bit boring and loungy at times,” Kara.
Grade: B
Andrew Garcia, “Heard It Through the Grapevine”
I think Simon’s right — Andrew was overrated from the beginning. But I think the judges take a lot of the blame for accepting nothing less (nor different) from him than that Paula Abdul song he performed during Hollywood week. In retrospect, judges, you doomed Andrew from the start. Of course, it doesn’t help that his vocals are sounding so thin, weak and unadventurous. Has ever a frontrunner fallen so far so fast?
“You sucked … the soul out of that song and tortured it,” Simon
Grade: C
Katie Stevens, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”
I don’t get it. Perky Penny still sounds as if she’s 40-years-old and she has that evil glint in her eye. Did lightning strike while she was eating in a Chinese diner or something and force her to switch bodies with a ridiculously over-confident, middle aged songstress? Former contestant Todrick Hall was angling for a spot on Fox’s “Glee.” I suggest Katie go there, too. Or, really, anywhere … as long as she gets off of my “Idol” screen.
“You picked a younger song. At least you’re listening,” Randy
Grade: C
Casey James, “The Power of Love”
Wow. Huey Lewis and the snooze. Any other contestant delivers this exact same performance and the judges call it “karaoke,” “boring” and “safe.” Casey does it and the superlatives simply cannot flow fast enough. That is, to quote Mr. Lewis, “a curious thing.”
“It was the best vocal of the night,” Ellen
Grade: C+
Didi Benami, “You’re No Good”
It takes a certain level of guts to sing a song with this title, knowing it could be turned back on you like the two-word review of “Spinal Tap’s” Shark Sandwich (Google it — this is a family blog). It takes a certain lack of self-restraint and a penchant for the easy kill to take the bait like Simon Cowell did. We were all thinking it, Simon; did you really have to say it out loud? And it really wasn’t bad, just average. Still, poor Didi is in trouble this week. She was no worse than Tim Urban, but I don’t think she’s got the fan base to keep her out of the bottom three like he does. Still, Paige was so incredibly bad that Didi may get another week.
“It just left me confused,” Kara
Grade: C
Siobhan Magnus, “Superstition”
Great song choice, great performance from the former “A Flock of Seagulls” frontman. The screeching is getting a bit old but, again, the judges are starting to turn on her for playing up something they praised her for early, which is their modus operandi. If the military could harness the “Idol” judges’ confusing, ever-changing standards and directions and somehow weaponize them, we could get rid of the planet’s nukes. I think Siobhan is just the weirdest, goofiest “Idol” contestant ever, but also one of the most exciting. Say what you will, she never turns in a boring performance.
“How do you say that’s not amazing?” Kara
Grade: A-
My Bottom Three: Paige Miles, Didi Benami, Andrew Garcia Say goodbye to: Paige Miles
Permalink | Comments (2) | Post your comment Categories: American Idol, Entertainment, Random thoughts
Comments
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By Dale Roe
March 24, 2010 11:49 AM | Link to this
Know what, gdub? You're absolutely right. I don't dislike Aaron, and I think he's got a good voice. I just find him incredibly boring. In retrospect, I would give him the same grade I gave Katie and Andrew: C. I think all three of those performances were average in every way.
By gdub
March 24, 2010 11:21 AM | Link to this
wow, the Andrew and Katie get a better grade than Aaron? even though he couldn't talk, I thought he was more in tune that he's been all season...he was in my top 4 or 5 last night (not that this is a major endorsement, by any means)...I graduated him from the karaoke stage last night...
those other two have more pitch problems than the Texas Rangers in August...