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‘American Idol’ week one: Top 12 guys
I’m just going to come right out and say it: this is the worst year of “American Idol” I’ve ever seen. After last night, I never would have believed that the girls would be better than the guys, but they were. That’s not saying much. Here are the songs from the Billboard charts that the guys butchered this week:
“Since You Been Gone,” Kelly Clarkson
Wow, Ellen couldn’t wait to comment. Slow down there, Ellen, we’re not going anywhere. Nowhere good, anyway. Maybe he was trying to get some of the praise Andrew Garcia got for performing that Paula Abdul song during Hollywood week, but Todrick’s take on this song was all kinds of wrong.
What the judges said:
“The chorus was a little rough,” Ellen
“It didn’t even sound like the same song,” Randy
“It’s undeniable that you are a performer,” Kara
“I think you came over as a dancer trying to sing,” Simon
My grade: D
“Here Comes Goodbye,” Rascal Flatts
I didn’t know k.d. lang was tonight’s celebrity guest! Oh, wait … that’s not k.d., it’s Aaron Kelly. Uh-oh, he’s having trouble staying on tempo and he’s already off key. His voice just seems small and he’s throwing all manner of unnecessary vocal runs into this song. Did Kara just drop the name of a vocalist we’ve never heard of? Of course she did.
What the judges said:
“It actually was quite a good performance,” Simon
“What you do naturally, you can’t teach people that,” Kara
“16? What a voice, dude. Wow,” Randy
“You’re gonna be here a long time,” Ellen
My grade: C
“Get Here,” Oleta Adams
Danger, Will Robinson! This is not starting out well. But it’s getting better as Jermaine moves into a higher register. He looks pretty nervous, and that final note was not good.
What the judges said:
“I felt like you were pushing a little too much,” Ellen
“You were trying to do too much vocally with it, dawg,” Randy
“When you do those runs, make it meaningful,” Kara
“I think you’ve totally blown your opportunity with that,” Simon
My grade: C-
“Apologize,” One Republic
Okay, first of all, you’ve got to either have guts or be stupid to do a song called “Apologize,” because you just know Simon’s gonna ask you to apologize for singing it, right? Surprisingly, he doesn’t, but he’s got no love for Tim either. After the extra long introductory video they ran to make up for the fact that we’ve never seen last-minute inclusion Tim before, he starts to sing. Well, kind of sing. Eek! Hold on, I’ll be right back — that falsetto just shattered my drinking glass (oh, it’s iced tea — relax!). Okay, I’m back. Tim kinda’ looks like a Disney Channel kid, but he’s not as talented.
What the judges said:
“There was just nothing, nothing to take from that,” Simon
“The music swallows you up,” Kara
“None of it worked,” Randy
“If you close your eyes and just hear that, it didn’t sound good,” Ellen
My grade: D
“You and I Both,” Jason Mraz
This was the point in the show where I decided that this is the worst season of “Idol” ever. The vocals weren’t terrible, but it was completely bland, don’t you think? What are the judges going on about? That was so forgettable that I had to go back and watch it again to find something to write about it, and here’s all I could come up with: Nice scarf.
What the judges said:
“I thought you sounded really, really good. I liked it,” Ellen
“I think you worked it out,” Randy
“You were up front and center,” Kara
“I think it was an okay, safe, forgettable performance,” Simon
My grade: C+
“American Woman,” The Guess Who
Wow, look at that chin. If the singing thing doesn’t work out, Tyler can always guest-host for Jay Leno. This looks and sounds like karaoke to me, but I feel bad for Tyler because I just know this is one of those performances that’s going to get trashed when the singer plays up exactly what the judges drooled over at his audition. Yep, they’re going after his classic rock vibe big time, even though they totally encouraged it. Hmm … another scarf. It’s scarf night!
What the judges said:
“It’s all a bit clichéd,” Simon
“You’ve gotta do something more than the shtick,” Kara
“It definitely was style over substance,” Randy
“You’re lacking the charisma and excitement,” Ellen
My grade: C-
“Chasing Cars,” Snow Patrol
Hey, Lee’s swinging the axe that he wielded so effectively during Hollywood week. That started out okay, but there are some wrong notes in there. Now the whole thing is off the rails. Still, Lee’s got an appealing rasp in his voice that I totally missed in Hollywood. Can Ellen use the descriptor “pushed” any more often? Seriously. “Pushed” is the new “pitchy.”
What the judges said:
“I love the tone of your voice,” Ellen
“It didn’t really quite work for me,” Randy
“You almost made the song unrecognizeable at parts,” Kara
“I thought this was the best performance by a mile,” Simon
My grade: C+
“God Bless the Child,” Billie Holiday”
John’s got vocal chops. He’s on pitch, but what an odd song choice. His performance is very casual — almost detached. And he’s throwing way too many vocal runs in therI think this is one of the better vocals of the night, but there’s no way the kids of America will go for this.
What the judges said:
“You’ve got to have an incredible voice to take on that song, and you haven’t,” Simon
“There was no connection,” Kara
“The John that I loved Hollywood week came back into my mind,” Randy
“I thought you sounded great, I just wish it was a different song,” Ellen
My grade: C+
“This Love,” Maroon 5
Here’s the daddy. He’s got an acoustic guitar too, but he’s barely playing it. Also, he’s practically eating the microphone. Do they swap out those mics between performances? I hope so, because that’s just unhygienic. I like this. Michael is adding a soulful edge to this tune, but it pales in comparison to former Idol contestant Blake Lewis’ final three performance from a few seasons ago.
What the judges said:
“You have so much personality,” Ellen
“You brought the energy up in here,” Randy
“It wasn’t outrageously great,’ Kara
“You were like the opening act before the main act,” Simon
My grade: B-
“Wonderful World,” James Morrison
Wow, this is bad, and so nasal. Did they use some special microphone that only picks up the singer’s nose? Poor Alex can’t stay on the beat and he looks petrified. And he’s rocking a mullet. Wow, he’s going to get destroyed.
What the judges said:
“I don’t know who was happier for that to end — you or me,” Simon
“It’s all there, it’s just not completely together,” Kara
“You’ve got a great tone,” Randy
“You just need to ripen,” Ellen
My grade: D+
“Heaven,” Bryan Adams
Casey’s playing guitar, too, but he’s sitting on a stool. He looks very comfortable, as if he’s having a blast. But are we really going to be subjected this business about Kara drooling all over him every week? It’s already old. I don’t get it. Is he that hot? He looks kind of doughy to me. And I don’t really like Bryan Adams, either, but Casey did a good job.
What the judges said:
“You are eye candy, but you’re also ear candy,” Kara
“I could feel Kara undressing you with her eyes. You sounded great,” Ellen
“I like the whole swagger you got,” Randy
“You absolutely chose the right song,” Simon
My grade: B+
“Sugar, We’re Going Down,” Fallout Boy
Look, it’s Danny Gokey from last year! No, wait … it’s predicted frontrunner Andrew Garcia. He’s got a guitar, too. Maybe they should just hold the rest of the shows in the corner of a Starbucks! I think Andrew is doing a spectacular job. He’s got a great voice. He’s confident and contemporary … all the things the judges always tell contestants they need to be. Which means that they will be disappointed. Just watch. And why do the judges keep saying “I’m a fan of you” … can’t they just say “I’m your fan?” It’s like saying “I’m a friend of you” instead of “I’m your friend.”
What the judges said:
“I was disappointed with that,” Simon
“It was a really strange rendition of that song,” Kara
“I’m a fan of you,” Randy
“You just kind of were inside of yourself,” Ellen
My grade: A-
Should go: Tim Urban, Alex Lambert
Will go: Tim Urban, Alex Lambert
Agree? Disagree? Sound off!
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By gdub
February 25, 2010 12:25 AM | Link to this
one of my texts during the show, which I stand by at the end: it's never to late to "Apologize" for that performance, Tim...
it's really tough to narrow it down to the two worst, though...
the friend I sent that text to warned me before I watched the DVR'd show the same as you said afterward. Worst. Season. Ever...