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‘American Idol,’ Orlando auditions recap
Wednesday night’s “American Idol” came to us from Orlando, home to the Magical Kingdom. Also known as the super-generic, plastic tourist trap in central Florida.
Ryan Seacrest informs us that 10,000 contestants have shown up as we see video of the hungover trio of Randy Jackson, Seacrest and Simon Cowell boarding a jet plane after a long night in Miami. Apparently they are running late. Not real sure the purpose of the self-indulgent shots and voice-over describing the men showing up late to auditions, but it feels unnecessary and arrogant. Maybe it is to balance the effervescence of Kara DioGuardi and guest judge Kristin Chenoweth, who are there with bells on. Chenoweth has some minor Fox pedigree, having appeared in “Glee,” and is a star of Broadway in addition to her former gig on “West Wing.” Despite her over-the-top blonde tresses, she is adorable and sexy, although she has a bit too much of the yappy lap dog and Oz munchkin in her.
The first contestant, who really never has a shot, is Theo Glinton, who looks like he escaped from a dance club underneath Mad Max’s Terrordome. He enigmatically tells the camera that if he’s not the next American Idol, he is going to finish in the bottom three. Unfortunately, he wasn’t good or bad enough to finish in either position after his horrific rendition of Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker.” At first, Chenoweth seems to almost want to give him a chance, but eventually dismisses him with a “Not for this, but … not for this.”
As usual, the lack of golden tickets early in the day leads to some contestant anxiety. Then we get our first heart-string tugging storyline of the night in Seth Rollins, who has an autistic son. He sings “Someone to Watch Over Me,” and kills it for the most part, although he does some weird stuff with his vocals at the end. The ladies sway to the croon and Simon admits that he likes that Rollins “knows who he is.” Randy wants him to exude more personality and swagger, with which I agree, but he eventually gets four “yeses” and sprints out of the room to grab his son triumphantly.
There is then the standard montage of yeses and no’s before we see Jermaine Purifoy, a repeat performer, who tried and failed in season seven. He tells a story of how he and a bunch of guy friends took a road trip that season to go audition. That seemed a little weird to me. I was in college once, and I can’t really envision that scene: “Yo, fellas … spring break is coming up! What’s jumpin’ off this year? Bahamas? Destin? Wait, wait, I got it … let’s pack up the Bronco and hit up ‘American Idol’ auditions!” Anywho, turns out Purifoy is a hit, and Chenoweth praises his pure and seamless voice and tells him she loves him. Randy confesses he is the favorite of this season; Kara likes the honesty in his voice, and Simon liked the song choice and thinks “the chicks” will dig him. Persistence pays off, as he gets four adamant “yeses.” It is nice to hear Purifoy say after the audition that he’s not normally a risk taker but realizes maybe he should take them more often. I like this kid.
The last contestant of the day has another touching back-story. The pretty Shelby Dressel tells the story of how she grew up with a nerve condition that has affected the area around her mouth, giving her a slight speech impediment. She sings a nice but not amazing version of Norah Jones’ “Turn Me On.” It is stirring to see a young lady overcome such physical adversity and have the nerve to sing on national television and in front of these judges. Were it not for her physical impediment, however, I don’t think she would have made it through on strength of voice alone, but she wins over the judges. Simon says he likes her potential, although he is not blown away by her voice. Kristin agrees on the potential point, and Dressel ends up getting her ticket punched to Hollywood, along with 18 others from day one.
Unfortunately, the diminutive siren Chenoweth has been called back to New York, so we are left with just three judges, a result which proves that this show could not survive long with just these three judges.
First up on day two is Jay Stone, who performs a bizarre beat box performance of The Beatles “Come Together,” soaking Cowell with spit during his scratching/mixing/singing display. Cowell seems annoyed and unimpressed, while DioGuardi and Jackson find humor and a little talent in Stone, who then breaks into a very affected version of Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine” while DioGuardi and Jackson beat box. “I’m bringin’ something new and different that this competition has never seen before,” Stone says following the grating performance. Cowell doesn’t seem to agree, but Stone gets passed on to Hollywood, so we are certain to be annoyed by him again and possibly see him in a Burger King or Outback Steakhouse commercial in the future.
Following stone, some quick hits: Janell Wheeler, a good looking 24-year-old blonde from Tampa wearing Daisy Dukes does “House of the Rising Sun.” Brittan Star James, a sexy 23-year-old who looks like a young Robin Givens, sings Estelle’s “American Boy.”
Kasi Bedford, a chubby-faced 19-year-old sings “Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About,” which I wasn’t crazy about. They all go to Hollywood.
In one of the shortest auditions that lands a contestant on the plane to Hollywood, Cornelius Edwards, a 24-year-old who says he learned to dance from his adult entertainer friends, does a leaping split while singing which leads to the best line of the night: “My pants done ripped.” They certainly did. Simon says after that sacrifice he has to give him a yes.
Next up are two likely rejects from “Jersey Shore.” (They would have been the ostracized teacher’s pets of the MTV reality show.) The bubbly, severe Desimone sisters (Bernadette, 27 and Amanda, 23) hail from Cherry Hill, New Jersey, where they live in a house/salon with their mom. “From the time we wake up in the morning, we’re putting on a show,” one of them says. If I were their little brother I would lock myself in the basement until I was hold enough to go to college or become a hobo. Bernadette goes first and sings “Hit the Road, Jack.” Amanda follows with an extremely over the top version of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” while her sister mouths the words on the side and convulses along with her. The whole scene with the two pageant children caught in a state of arrested development is beyond surreal. Kara thinks they could bring something to Hollywood (likely just comic relief and a hovering hole in the ozone layer). Despite the judges’ obvious concerns, both make it through.
Time for the most disturbing entry in tonight’s parade of shame. Jarrodd Norrell, with his scraggly beard, dilated pupils and backward ball cap looks like a meth dealer from the Okefenokee Swamp. He sings a version of “Amazing Grace” that sounds like a chainsaw with an upper respiratory infection cutting through a cinder block. Kara: “Good lord. What was that?” He responds, confused and slightly aggravated, “I’m trippin’ I’m losing it. I can not leave. Are you kidding me?” Security comes in somewhat hastily, and Norrell ends up getting cuffed by local authorities outside of the audition room. Ah, Florida. Cut to Simon, “yes or no?” Well played, sir, you will be missed.
The show ends with big country boy Matt Lawrence, 25, who confesses that as a 15-year-old rebel he robbed a bank with a B.B. gun and ended up spending five years “locked up.” Wile his story of trying to redeem himself in the eyes of his parents is funny, I wonder what story he used in “the joint.” No way he told any felons he is locked up for carrying a B.B. gun. He makes the bold and dangerous choice of singing “Trouble” by Ray LaMontagne. Although some notes are pretty, I feel like it sounds like a lot of head voice and rather affected. Simon, on the other hand, says it was brilliant and his easiest yes of the day. Kara says he may go to the top 12. I guess we will have to agree to disagree, but it is nice to see the kid maybe have a chance to make his parents proud after everything he put them through.
So, there you have it. Florida: criminals, strip club-inspired dancers, bizarre Jersey chicks that missed their exit on the turnpike and 31 contestants through to Hollywood. Next stop, L.A..
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