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This week’s TV picks
Eddie Murphy stars in “Bowfinger.”
Monday
‘The Closer’ 8 p.m., TNT: Kevin Bacon directed this episode, which hinges on a stabbing death perpetrated by a ninja. So it should only take you five steps to get to that episode of ‘Monk’ directed by Martin Scorsese.*
‘Property Virgin’ 7 p.m., HGTV: The search is on for a move-in ready home with a big yard in Austin. Big yard? Guess I’ll add this to the list of shows that didn’t film in my neighborhood.
Tuesday
‘Michael McDonald Q Sessions Live’ 8 p.m., QVC: Grammy-winning McDonald hawks his holiday CD, ‘This Christmas’. Hey, it’s never too early to — no, wait … it’s August, right? Okay, too early.
‘Flipping Out’ 9 p.m., Bravo: Business expansion goals lead a designer-and-remodeler to attend a client’s pajama party. Does that excuse really work?
Wednesday
‘Wipeout’ 7 p.m., ABC: Obstacles in tonight’s episode include Swinging Cereal Killer, Ballsy-Go-Round and Mesh Mosh Run. Incidentally, those are also the names of my three favorite rap artists.
‘Lottery Changed My Life’ 7 p.m., TLC: A Texas lottery winner spends millions on a tepee-themed motel. I’ll best the top floor rooms are really small and coney.
Thursday
‘Futurama’ 8 p.m., Comedy Central: The ha-ha network is airing, back-to-back-to-back-to-back, the four episodes that comprise the direct-to-video movie ‘The Beast with a Billion Backs’. Bonus: David Cross is the beast.
‘Monk’ 10 p.m., USA: In this rerun, guest Daniel Stern is wrapped up with a girl’s disappearance and a UFO sighting. I’m not sure, but I don’t think this is the Scorsese one I was talking about.
Friday
‘Bowfinger’ 7 p.m., ABC: Yet Eddie Murphy didn’t get an Oscar nod ‘til ‘Dreamgirls’.
Saturday
‘Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus’ 8 p.m., Syfy: Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson star. They’re probably not, but it would be really cool if they played the titular characters.
‘The Serpent King’ 7 p.m., NGC: Snake freaks track the threatened venomous King Cobra into the jungles of India. It’s a shame they’re in trouble, because the Earth really can’t have too many gigantic, venomous snakes.
Sunday
‘Your Kid Ate What?’ 7 p.m., TLC: I don’t even care what they ate — I’m watching, because this show has the best title of the week.
*This is a joke. To the best of my knowledge, Martin Scorsese never directed an episode of “Monk.”
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