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Vote yes for reality debates!
I woke up at 3:35 this morning with a truly brilliant idea: Turn the rule-strapped presidential debates into a reality TV free-for-all. Call them “Debates: Extreme Makeover.”
The debates would thus become informative, entertaining and possibly history-making.
As they stand now, the debates have 32 pages of news-choking rules, covering everything from when the TV camera is trained on a candidate and when it is not, to when a candidate can look at his opponent.
PBS’ competent but decidedly dull Jim Lehrer is moderator for tonight’s first debate (starting at 8 on all cable news and broadcast channels). Two subsequent presidential debates will feature ABC’s Charles Gibson and CBS’ Bob Schieffer — fine, even-keeled newsmen who are polite and controlled. And boring.
The controlled format and button-down hosts will not help America decide between President Bush and Sen. John Kerry. What we’re like to see are truncated stump speeches, weak attempts at humor and positively gorgeous lighting. Good manners and stiff upper lips will be evident, but little else.
Just think how much better the debates would be if there were virtually no rules and David Letterman, Joan Rivers and Chris Rock were moderating. Or if comedians seem too uncivilized for a presidential debate, how about Bill O’Reilly, Chris Matthews and Oprah Winfrey?
Let’s allow the candidates to look at each other, address each other, roll their eyes at each other, stick their tongues out at each other, hug each other if the spirit moves them.
Let’s strip these board-stiff, well-dressed contenders down and sit them in a hot tub on a remote island and let ‘em go at it. A large tropical drink (heavy on the rum) might loosen things up, too. Because Bush doesn’t drink, we could spike his pineapple juice with something else. Whatever it takes to get these guys de-programmed and off-message.
Topics, gently suggested but not to be forced by our loosey-goosey moderators, might include: What did you really do in the war? How much do you pay for health insurance? If you weren’t in government service, what kind of job would you apply for — and what are your chances of getting it?
Putting the candidates through a “tribal challenge” might not be a bad idea, either. Both Bush and Kerry are fairly athletic guys; I’m sure they could run a ropes course or carry fish in their teeth. Winner gets to dodge a serious issue once.
A free-for-all debate would attract enormous ratings and translate into an enormous voter turnout. Whatever it takes, I say, to jolt this democracy out of its doldrums.
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