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Tuesday, March 27, 2007
No doubt about it, this is bananas
Can we just get this over with and name Melinda Doolittle the next “American Idol”?
Seriously. No one else even comes close. And we’ve got things to do. Things other than sitting on the couch and shouting at the TV for an hour and seven minutes.
But, noooooo. The “fine” folks at Fox insist on dragging it out. There’s money to be made, after all. Lots of it, according to this article from Forbes.
We digress. Here, without further delay, is our assessment of Tuesday night’s performances.
LaKisha Jones: “Last Dance,” Donna Summer. What happened to the fired-up singer we saw at the start of the season? LaKisha has definitely lost some of her luster. Don’t get us wrong. She still manages to always turn in a good performance, but we’re just not digging her like we used to. It almost seems like her heart’s not in it anymore. Paula: “Donna Summer’s not an easy artist to start out with, and you did her proud.” Our grade: B
Chris Sligh: “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic,” Police. Here’s another hopeful whose star isn’t burning quite as bright these days. Didn’t sound right, and didn’t look comfortable. Gliding along the stage didn’t really help any, either. Is Chris self-destructing right before our eyes? Certainly seems that way. Simon: “To be honest with you, I thought it was a mess.” Our grade: C-
Gina Glocksen: “I’ll Stand by You,” Pretenders. Whoa! Gina rocked the house. We certainly didn’t see that coming. Sounded like we were listening to a Pretenders CD. An absolute stunner that had the house on its feet — and rightfully so. Randy: “I thought this was one of your best performances ever.” Our grade: A
Sanjaya Malakar: “Bathwater,” No Doubt. No, no, no! We can’t take this anymore. Sanjaya is a joke, and it’s a travesty that he’s still in this competition. Sounded awful, as usual. Looked atrocious, as usual. The Mohawk was quite possibly the most tragic hairdo in the history of our great nation. Seems to be getting really cocky. Not a very endearing quality. Simon: “I don’t think it matters anymore what we say. I think you are in your own universe.” Our grade: D
Haley Scarnato: “True Colors,” Cyndi Lauper. We don’t care what others are saying. Haley rocks — and she’s a definite contender. Smooth sound and a great look. A little too safe? Probably. We’ll find out Wednesday whether that was a shrewd move on her part. Simon: “I think it was sweet, but forgettable really.” Our grade: B-
Phil Stacey: “I’ll Be Watching You,” Sting. We find it hard to watch Phil. There’s something very creepy about him. Blunt, but true. Musically, he’s not half bad. Tries a little too hard. But is he “Idol” material? We say no. Randy: “I actually kinda liked that. I thought it was a pretty solid performance for you.” Our grade: B
Melinda Doolittle: “Heaven Knows,” Donna Summer. Absolutely amazing. We once again urge the judges to end this fiasco and crown her the winner. Melinda totally gets into any song she performs. And the best part? She’s modest. A performer without a trace of ego. We absolutely love that. You go, girl! Simon: “Vocally you were outstanding, as usual.” Our grade: A+
Blake Lewis: “Love Song,” The Cure. There’s another side to Blake. A tame side. A side we haven’t seen before. And we really, really like it. That versatility is going to help him make it to the very end. If we were to place a bet today, we’d say Blake and Melinda will be the final two. Paula: “Blake, I loved what you did with the song. I thought it was so cool.” Our grade: A-
Jordin Sparks: “Hey Baby,” No Doubt. We love this song. When it comes on the radio, we pump up the volume. But when Jordin sings it? Not so much. Lacked energy. Moves weren’t that great, and neither were the duds. Overall, a pretty lame performance for this late in the competition. Simon: “I think you are probably the most improved contestant we’ve seen.” Our grade: D
Chris Richardson: “Don’t Speak,” No Doubt. We think Chris is homesick. That’s the only logical explanation for tonight’s performance. He must want to go home. He’s no Gwen Stefani, that’s for sure. And listening to him try to emulate her made us nauseous. So. Very. Weak. Simon: “I wasn’t crazy about the vocals. I think you struggled in the middle of that song.” Our grade: F
Our pick to get the boot is Chris Richardson. He was in the bottom two last week, and this week’s performance certainly won’t help any. Jordin’s also vulnerable. Sanjaya? Right or wrong, he’s going to be around at least a few more weeks. God help us all.
Behind the scenes at ‘Idol’
What’s it like to see “American Idol” in person? Chuck Barney of the Contra Costa Times found out:
HOLLYWOOD — Here’s the scary part of abandoning the privacy of your living room to partake in a live “American Idol” performance: When you leap out of your seat to shake your groove thing, you risk coming under the scrutiny of not only fellow audience members, but possibly 30 million sneering viewers across America.
And, if that isn’t daunting enough, consider that there are no fridge runs during commercial breaks.
Still, the prospect of such horrors couldn’t keep me from trekking to Southern California last Tuesday for an up-close-and-personal encounter with pop culture’s biggest phenomenon. Every season, thousands of “Idol” worshippers do the same. It isn’t enough for them to passively experience the show through glass. No, they have to be where the action is — where they can fully lose themselves in a Melinda Doolittle power ballad, or have Simon Cowell within striking distance when they shower him with boos.
The first thing that hits you upon arriving at Stage 36 on the CBS Television City lot is the smallness of the place. What seems like a cavernous concert hall on television is actually a cozy little bandbox with only 600 chairs spread out in front of an oblong florescent stage. So although the seats reserved for me and my companion (Section D, Row 7, Seats 6 and 7) are perched near the back of the studio, they are still close enough to blow a kiss to Paula Abdul.
Also, it quickly becomes apparent that audience members are expected to behave in a certain I’m-cuckoo-for-”Idol” manner. “You’re not at ‘Dr. Phil,’ you’re at the No. 1 show in America!” roars warm-up comic Bill Sindelar, who prods us to stomp our feet, clap our hands and all but bark like trained seals. Everyone, it seems, is willing to play along. There’s a genuine, lucky-to-be-here vibe among the crowd, which runs the gamut from swooning preteens to middle-aged couples and gray-haired grandmas.
In a play for quality camera time, many of them are lugging around homemade signs, which are heartily welcomed as long as they don’t get in the way of host Ryan Seacrest’s teleprompter. “Jordin Sparks Sparkles,” proclaims one banner. “Blake, You Cook My Steak!” reads another. Cheesy, yes, but also somewhat endearing.
It feels weird to be watching “Idol” at 5 p.m., but the early start is required to beam the show live back to the East Coast. Only minutes before airtime, Simon, Paula and fellow judge Randy Jackson are introduced. Like rock stars, they dash through the crowd, shaking hands and getting some hugs along the way. Oh, it’s good to be king.
This is “British Invasion” theme night — Peter Noone of Herman’s Hermits is in the house! — and we’re down to 11 contestants, so the competition is intensifying. It’s no surprise, then, that leadoff singer Haley Scarnato has sexed things up with a gold halter top and brown hot pants that are sure to have the teen boys going gaga. Meanwhile, LaKisha Jones is decked out in $1 million worth of diamonds. Or so we’re told.
As for the actual performances, it’s amazing how dramatically different they come across live. With an impressive orchestra going full throttle, the sound has a power and lushness that can get lost in TV translation.
And so it’s only natural for the audience to get swept up into a hand-clapping, fist-pumping frenzy. On the downside, the robust music has a way of drowning out some vocal imperfections. So although we were actually enjoying the tornado of wild hair and flailing limbs that was Sanjaya Malakar on “You Really Got Me,” many couch potatoes at home were finding it to be spectacularly atrocious.
What’s cool about being there is that you have the entire breadth of the scene in front of you at all times, so you can focus on what you prefer to rather than what the swooping, dive-bombing cameras single out. I often found myself observing the judges and being surprised at how preoccupied they seemed during the performances. Paula and Simon playfully whisper to one another throughout the telecast, and at one point he even gives her a back rub. You wonder: Do they actually hear the songs?
During commercial breaks, the judges usually make a beeline for the door while Sindelar tosses out free T-shirts to frothing fans. On one occasion, however, Simon sticks around to take questions from the crowd.
Q: “Are you paid to be mean?”
A: “No, I’m paid to be honest.”
On this night, at least, prime time’s biggest bully fails to make anybody cry.
That, however, can’t be said for Sanjaya, who has an adorable 13-year-old girl sobbing after he trolls the crowd and makes puppy-dog eyes at her.
Knowing good TV when he sees it, a cameraman swiftly invades her space, practically burrowing his lens into her nostrils. Throughout the night, attention is increasingly lavished on the soggy-faced little lass until, as the show winds down, she is summoned onto the stage with all the “Idol” wannabes. On Thursday morning, she’s interviewed by Meredith Vieira in the “Today” show studio as “the ultimate Idol fan.”
Oh, but what about me? Amazingly, I get what appears to be my own chance at “Idol” glory when bushy-haired singer Chris Sligh chooses to launch his rendition of “You’re Not There” in the aisle just an arm’s length in front of us. My mug instantly takes on an “I’m-ready-for-my-close-up” kind of glow, but alas, the shot is so far back that I’m left out of the frame. Curses!
Let that be a lesson to everyone in this era of reality TV overkill. If you want to make the camera love you, be prepared to turn on the waterworks.
As with any other television show, tickets to “American Idol” are free. But they might as well be invaluable, considering how difficult they are to obtain. The soundstage on the CBS Television City lot where “Idol” is filmed holds about 600 audience members. So after tickets are doled out to friends and family members, network associates and VIPs, only a precious few remain for the general public. Fans can obtain ticket information and register for the show’s waiting list by visiting the “On Camera Audiences” Web site,. Be aware, however, that the wait can sometimes be as long as a year, and you can’t request specific dates. You must take the dates assigned or be put back on the waiting list. Only two tickets are available per request, and they are not available to children younger than 8. No cell phones, cameras or recording devices are allowed in the performances.
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Sanjaya’s hairy situation
Ever pictured Sanjaya Malakar with Gwen Stefani’s hair? The Washington Post has.
Meanwhile, Julie Hinds of the Detroit Free Press makes the case for Sanjaya:
It feels like a day for thankless tasks, so I’ll go ahead and make the case in defense of Sanjaya Malakar.
Somebody has to.
The 17-year-old “American Idol” contestant is the country’s new laughingstock. Late-night comics ridicule him. Critics have exhausted the synonyms for awful in their quest to describe him. A young woman from New York is so upset by his presence on the show she claims to be on a hunger strike until he’s voted off — and she’s chronicling her protest, of course, on the Web.
Hating Sanjaya is the new fad of disposable culture. Nobody cares much about the diaper-wearing astronaut anymore. The will to wallow in the Anna Nicole Smith saga is waning. Yet nearly every night last week, you could flip the channels and count the references to Sanjaya’s ineptness made by ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough, Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert and on and on.
Sanjaya-bashing is now No. 1 with a bullet, and I’m still trying to figure out why.
Is it because he’s the weakest singer among the Top 10? Fair enough, but I don’t remember anyone resorting to starvation when John Stevens was doing Frank Sinatra impressions on the show a few years back.
Sanjaya is merely one of a long line of “Idol” guys who’ve survived past their logical expiration date. If you thought his performance of “You Really Got Me” last Tuesday was a train wreck, picture Kevin (Chicken Little) Covais from last season attempting it. Or burly Scott Soval from Season 4. Or Jim Verraros from the debut year.
Those images aren’t pretty, but Sanjaya is, with his warm smile, bronze skin and wavy hair, and that’s part of the problem. He has a nonthreatening, slightly feminine vibe that appeals to preteen girls, like a many a bubble-gum Tiger Beat poster boy before him. This makes him an easy target. “Idol” producers practically painted a bull’s-eye on his back last week by cutting a zillion times to close-ups of Ashley, the sobbing young fan whose Sanjaya worship was parodied over the weekend by “Saturday Night Live.”
Sanjaya is undoubtedly loathed by those who are serious about popular music. Although he’d need handlers and heavy tinkering in the studio to hide his flaws, he’s already gotten more exposure in a few weeks than many aspiring artists of true vision will get in a lifetime. Somewhere, a garage band that’s waiting to be discovered is crying harder than Ashley because of this.
Sanjaya might still be on the show because of VotefortheWorst.com and Howard Stern, who are rooting for his survival as a way to mess with the show’s premise. Some muse he must have reached the Top 10 because he’s needed as a teenybopper draw for the coast-to-coast summer tour. The vote tallies remain a mystery to viewers (there were 30 million votes last week, but who received what?), so conspiracy theories blossom freely.
Whatever the reason, it’s worth remembering Sanjaya is just a boy, not a human punch line. When he auditioned, his voice seemed rather sweet and promising, sort of like Stevie Wonder lite. Once he made it to the Top 24, he tended to stand there and sound listless.
As bad reviews from the judges piled up, so did Sanjaya’s various hairstyles, which only added fuel to the humiliation fire. Then, last Tuesday, perhaps in response to criticism, he took a gamble by tackling a Kinks classic and trying to work the crowd like a Vegas star. The blowback was immediate and painful. Water-cooler tirades about his horridness were louder than any words spoken on behalf of LaKisha Jones, Melinda Doolittle, Jordin Sparks or other contestants considered to belong in the finals.
Dare I say it? Sanjaya wasn’t that bad. His voice is thin, but his tone and pitch are OK. As a reader e-mailed recently, he can carry a tune; he just can’t carry a performance.
The anti-Sanjaya bandwagon reminds me of the Howard Dean scream frenzy, when the sheer pleasure of replaying the clip of him acting like a crazy man overtook the fact that the guy was trying to whip up enthusiasm in a noisy room.
Perception becomes reality. Sanjaya might be out of his depth, but it’s more fun to label him the worst singer in the world. I just wish he weren’t 17. That’s too young to be a national joke or a nationally spotlighted anything.
