TV Talk

'Dancing With The Stars': My New Favorite Reality Show Of The Moment

Last summer I failed to jump on the Dancing With The Stars bus. Sure, I heard all about the insane hype and John O'Hurley's hissy fit after he was robbed on last season's finale by those shyster judges and that leggy General Hospital chick. This time, however, I wasn't gonna miss the ride with such unlikely hoofers as rapper Master P, big-lipped Lisa Rinna, pro football great Jerry Rice and the forever tanned George Hamilton.

My reaction to it all?

I was hooked immediately! Dancing With The Stars is crack TV -- it's instantly addictive. Since Survivor and The Apprentice are off hibernating, I'm gonna git my reality TV fix with Dancing. Big ups to all the contestants. It's not easy trying to look all graceful and polished on a ballroom dance floor when you're not used to, well, looking all graceful and polished on a ballroom dance floor.

Here are a few thoughts on Thursday's premiere.

Master P should stick to rapping: The hip-hop mogul gets mad props for filling in at the 11th hour when his boy injured himself playing basketball. But my man was stiffer than a redwood while getting his gangsta cha cha cha on. And the baseball cap? And sneakers? And that hideous pin-striped suit? Whaddup with all that? P was decked out more for The Source Awards than a fancy, schmancy dance contest.

Kenny Mayne needs his own sitcom: Dude was soooooooo funny! Yo, Kenny, ditch that ESPN gig and get ABC to sign you to a development deal. Just make sure no dancing is involved.

Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke should tape a romance instructional DVD: Were they hot, or what? They had all sorts of steamy chemistry going on. Fellas, if you forgot how to make sexy, meaningful, we-gonna-take-this-to-the-bedroom eye contact with your woman, go back and watch Drew and Cheryl do it. Then you do it! And do it! And do it!

I never knew female wrestlers looked so good: You could fit everything I know about wrestling into a thumbnail. I always thought chick wrestlers were big, brawny and scary-looking like Chyna. Then I saw Stacy Keibler, the WWE diva and my jaw dropped -- and stayed there! Girlfriend looked like she was born on the dance floor.

That's it for now, boys and girls. Look for me to be bloggin a whole lot more in the future on my favorite new reality show.