TV Talk

Is Dancing with The Stars Becoming A Joke? Ask Master P.U.

If Master P.U. doesn't get the boot tonight, it'll be official: Dancing with The Stars will have become a joke. And a sad reminder of why it's a bad idea to let viewers vote for reality show winners.

Viewers are stupid. They really are. Millions probably vote as a goof just so the least talented person in the competition stays alive. Clearly that's what's been going down with Master P.U. It's so obvious that P.U. has no real desire to win. His lumbering, Frankenstein-like hoofing (Errrrr! Ballroom dancing baaaaaad!) is proof of that. I was really annoyed when it was revealed that P.U. has only rehearsed a skimpy 20 hours while his more talented competitors have clocked an average of 130 hours.

P.U. talks about doing the show for his boys 'n the 'hood. But what kind of message does it send when you're not willing to put in the hard work to achieve a goal?

A lousy message, that's what.

The WB and UPN Merge To Create The CW. But What About The Shows?

If you're an actor starring on a show on UPN or The WB, you should be a little nervous. That's because those networks will soon be history and merge to form something called The CW.

The CW? Kinda sounds like a new European import, doesn't it?

While it's too soon to tell how the new merger will shake out, it's not too soon for me to give you my thoughts on some of the shows that will -- and won't -- survive.

Twins: It was one of the year's worst new shows. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Giving birth is probably easier than sitting through this loser comedy. Keep in mind I said...probably.

Everybody Hates Chris: I'll hate everyone at The CW if Chris Rock's hilarious sitcom isn't renewed.

Cuts: The title says it all. This limp sitcom should be cut. And it probably will.

Veronica Mars: Y'all already know how much I love me some Kristen Bell. Her show is pretty good, too.

Eve: An underrated comedy that deserves another year. Who knew tough rapper Eve could be both feminine and funny?

Love, Inc.: See what I just wrote about Eve? Well, I ain't writing that about Love, Inc. You get my meanin'?

Girlfriends: It's time for these sistas to go their separate ways. The Sex and the City gals did it.

WWE Smackdown: Smack it off the schedule.

All of Us: A harmless comedy that's often mildly amusing. Hey, it's funnier than Freddie.

Jamie Foxx: The Bonus Interview Material

On Monday I was on a conference call with the crazy talented Jamie Foxx. He was talking to us TV writer types to promote Jamie Foxx: Unpredictable, his NBC special scheduled to air Wednesday night at 8 p.m.

My story is running in Wednesday's Palm Beach Post. But since newspaper space is limited, I couldn't get everything Foxx talked about in the article. That's where this here blog comes in. Blogs are kinda like DVDs...they really come in handy when you wanna use stuff that ended up on the editing room floor.

On the call, Foxx was all laid-back cool. You could tell he was promoting a music special and not, say, Booty Call 2. Whenever a reporter would announce what paper and city he or she was from, Foxx would dazzle us by blurting the area code of that city like some late-night DJ. He didn't do it, however, when I got to ask my questions. I silently wondered if he had a thing against Palm Beach.

Whateva. Anyway, I was surprised to learn that Foxx loved The Carol Burnett Show as a kid. And he compared his special to Burnett's classic variety show. "It's like that only it's wrapped in urban hip-hop and R&B," he said.

It was clear that Foxx has much respect for Kanye West, the preppy-looking hip-hop mogul.

"He was the first cat to talk about his life and experiences and still allowed you to be in it," Foxx said. "Usually my shows are all African-American, all urban. When I was out with Kanye, it was more white and others than African-American."

See what I mean about Foxx trying to sound all cool? He used the word "cat." He would've never said that if he was promoting Booty Call 2.

I asked Foxx if there were any downsides to winning the Oscar. "Ain't none for me," he said immediately. "It's the best thing for us (Foxx and his management team) because we needed something like that in order to ask for the different scripts that we have been asking for the past 10 years, but nobody took us seriously. And now people are taking us seriously."

Since Foxx has some Oscar experience, he didn't mind offering up what he'd like to see on the big night. Foxx believes Brokeback Mountain will be a big winner. He'd also like to see Joaquin Phoenix and Resse Witherspoon honored for their work in Walk The Line. He's also "keeping his fingers crossed" for Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton in Crash.

As for who he's taking to the Oscars, Foxx said he doesn't have a clue.

"I'm trying to find somebody," he quipped.

Well, when you're rich, funny, famous, semi-handsome (c'mon, Foxx looks kinda freaky sometimes)and have a shiny Oscar at the crib, finding a date shouldn't be a problem.

NBC Won't Pick Up 'The West Wing' For Another Term

The West Wing is finally getting impeached. The news was hardly surprising. Since NBC's boneheaded programming suits moved The West Wing to Sundays, ratings suffered dramatically. So everyone knew it was only a matter of time before the long-running White House drama was history.

Too bad. If NBC canceled The West Wing three years ago, I wouldn't have cared. That's when the show was about as riveting as C-SPAN. Seriously, at that time, watching The West Wing was a chore -- like homework. The show had become one long and boring civics lesson on how a bill becomes a law. It got to the point where I taped The West Wing and watched it whenever.

Then came Alan Alda and Jimmy Smits and a juicy presidential election. Suddenly, The West Wing felt like a brand new show. Which, in a sense, it was. Even the writers admitted they were reinvigorated by the new storylines Alda's crafty Arnold Vinick and Smits' idealistic Matt Santos presented.

The last episode is scheduled to air May 14. We'll finally learn who'll be the show's next president after a fascinating, up-close-and-personal campaign. Unfortunately, that new commander-in-chief's term will be way too brief.

'Dancing with the Stars': Master P.U. redeems himself!

"I'm gonna slam dunk the jive!"

That was Master P.U. on last night's Dancing with the Stars before performing a very un-dunk-like jive with his adorably cute partner, Ashly. No one's been on P.U.'s case more than I have the last two weeks. And while Mr. Big Rap Man still needs to get Da Boot, I give him credit for coming out strong and actually showing some enthusiasm and effort. I mean, P.U. even removed his beloved baseball cap for a split second as he skipped across the dance floor like some unsightly man-girl.

When P.U.'s 15 minutes of reality TV fame are over, he needs to do something wedding anniversary-special for Ashly. She's the best cheerleader ever. If Ashly ever decides to give up dancing, she could make a ton of dough as a perky life coach or a cheery motivational speaker. She's been super supportive and even went as far to don a baseball cap as a sign of solidarity. Either that or P.U. brow beat her into wearing it.

As for the other contestants, well, it looks like the real competition is gonna be between comely wrestler Stacy Keibler (do her legs ever stop, or what?) and former 98 Degrees hottie Drew Lachey. Watch out for the fiercely competitive Giselle Fernandez, though. She looks like she'll cut someone if necessary. I sure hope George Hamilton stays in the running. Now that Kenny Mayne is history, Mr. Palm Beach is the comic relief every reality show needs. You gotta love George, whether he's stumping for the senior citizen vote, doing a mean tango for an old guy or bellowing, "Don't send me back to the cruise ships!" the forever-tanned bon vivant knows how to have fun.

And it was nice to finally see the big, bad P.U. having some fun, too.

P.S.

Is it me or are Lisa Rinna's life raft-sized lips getting bigger by the minute?

Just asking.

ABC Breaks My Heart By Pulling 'Emily's Reasons Why Not'

It's hard falling in love -- or serious like -- with a TV show. Because most times when you do, the networks break your heart by canceling it. I'm still getting over the death of Once and Again, TV's best romantic drama.

Well, my poor heart was broken again when ABC pulled the wonderfully charming Emily's Reasons Why Not after only one episode. One episode! Sure, the initial ratings weren't great. So what? Ratings have been known to improve when good shows are nourished and protected. Think Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld. But ABC never gave Heather Graham's winning, Sex and the City lite comedy a chance. While Emily is a gone, According to Jim and Freddie still live. Yes, falling in love with a TV show can be a painful thing. Unless you're into heartache. And I'm definitely not.

THE GOLDEN GLOBES: THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY

The last time I checked, there are about 655 awards shows on television. But only a handful are really worth watching. The Golden Globes is usually one of ‘em. That’s because when you have big name stars and free booze in the same room, well, you never know what might happen.

But Monday’s shindig was a mostly ho-hum affair. The Globes felt more like the Oscars than the freewheeling party it‘s been in past years. There were some exceptions, however. George Clooney’s crack about recently indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was standard Clooney. Geena Davis’ funny fib about a young girl telling how her Commander in Chief character inspired her to become president was priceless. Grey’s Anatomy’s Sandra Oh looked truly stunned and excited when she won and Mary-Louise Parker left everyone’s jaw on the ground when she blabbed that she wanted to make out with her castmates on Weeds.

Here are a few of the show’s highlights -- and lowlights.

* What was Drew Barrymore thinking? I’m no fashion maven, but I do know that Drew looked positively hideous in her swamp green, see-through get-up that was more appropriate for, well, give me a minute, I‘ll think of something. Note to Drew: Buy a few more mirrors in your house. And green is not your color.

* Why did Desperate Housewives win? This once must-see dramedy has been mediocre at best. And to lose to such real comedies as My Name Is Earl, Entourage, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Everybody Hates Chris is flat-out wrong. You could almost see the steam coming out of Jason Lee’s ears.

* Joaquin Phoenix scares me: I know I’m not alone. Dude is a great actor, but he looks kinda…off. He dropped a few notches on the scary scale, though, by cracking a joke that was actually funny.

* Johnny Depp is one of the coolest men alive: Need I say more?

* You go, Felicity: Old pro Felicity Huffman remains the classiest of the Housewives. Sometimes nice people do finish first.

* Jonathan Rhys Meyers looked mighty greasy: Perhaps he was extremely nervous. Or maybe the AC in the Beverly Hilton’s ballroom croaked when Meyers got up to grab his statue for his brilliant turn as Elvis in CBS’ miniseries, but my man was sweating more than a hooker in church.

Master P.U. Lives on 'Dancing with the Stars'

So, Master P.U. lives for another week. Go figure. I don’t know what America was thinking last night by booting the leggy Tatum O’Neal and keeping the lead-footed P.U. on Dancing with the Stars. Are viewers watching the same dance contest I am? It doesn’t look like it. Sure, Tatum was no Ginger Rogers. At least she wasn’t Mister Rogers out there. You know I can’t say the same for P.U. You got another week to clean up your act, big rap man. Do it.

It's Time For 'Dancing with the Stars' Master P To Go Back To The 'Hood

This may be corny -- well, it is corny -- but I'm gonna change Master P's name to Master P. U. for the purposes of this here blog.

P.U. as in stinker attitude. If you've watched the first two episodes of Dancing with the Stars, it's no secret that the mighty rap czar is about as good at ballroom dancing as I am at fencing. And I'm no fencer, people. The stiff-legged P.U. was awful last week while performing a robotic cha-cha-cha with his perky partner, Ashly Delgrosso. But he was slightly better last night doing the quick step. At least his feet actually moved this time. And, unlike last Thursday, you could see his snarly mug because his baseball cap was turned backwards.

Still, Master P.U. needs a major attitude adjustment. It was so sweet of Ashly to pick out a pair of ballroom shoes for her dancing-challenged partner. And how is she rewarded with such kindness? Master P.U. drop kicks the shoes and pulls a Whitney by screaming, "Awwww, hell nawwwwwwww!" I'm surprised poor Ashly didn't have a nervous breakdown. She appears to be an extremely sensitive sort.

But P.U. reminded us last night that he's from the 'hood. And folks in the 'hood don't "snitch" on each other. P.U. was pretty miffed that Ashly playfully chastised him on national TV in front of millions of viewers. You know P.U. is catching all kinds of grief from his boys who are probably saying stuff like, "Yo, money, you lettin' that little dancin' girl dis you like that? You gettin' soft, money?"

Listen up, P.U. It's time for you to go back to the 'hood and the rap game. You get major props for stepping up when your son got hurt and for wanting to inspire countless inner-city kids to dream big. I love you for that. I truly do. But it's clear your heart isn't in it. Your slouching body language speaks volumes. When you get voted off tonight -- and you will -- I'll start calling you Master P again.

Welcome Back, 'Commander in Chief'

Great to see Commander in Chief back on last night after what seemed like a two-year hiatus. As usual, the show was in fine form as Lady Prez Mac worked overtime to rescue the crew of a U.S. submarine that ran into trouble off the coast of North Korea.

I just loved how Mac stood toe-to-toe with those steely-eyed military dudes without even blinking. Talk about female prez power! I loved even more how Mac's politically savvy Chief of Staff (splendidly played by Harry Lennix) put those military dudes in line for dissing Mac and not giving her the commander-in-chief props she deserves.

Can't wait to see how it all turns out next week.

One reason I love Commander so much is watching Donald Sutherland as a dastardly Speaker of the House. Nathan Templeton is Commander in Chief's J.R. Ewing. But I was little concerned that Templeton was coming off as too much of a good guy last night. Did he get a lobotomy, or what? Templeton was even downright humble as he tried re-hiring his former -- and way hot! -- chief of staff.

And was it just me, or was Templeton extremely too nice and too helpful to Mac while offering a smart solution to her thorny North Korean problem? Like all politicians, you know the guy's gonna want something in return somewhere down the line.

Note to writers: Keep Templeton slithery. Make sure that devilish glint never leaves his eye. It did last night. And that can't happen again.

'Dancing With The Stars' Host Samantha Harris: Hate Her!

So, yesterday I was doing my weekly Monday morning radio thang on WJNO when the subject of Dancing With the Stars came up. Pam Crosby, WJNO's delightfully chatty host, mentioned she loves the show but can't stand co-host Samantha Harris.

Was Pam in my mind, or what? And if she was, she had better get out. My mind can be a scary place. Just warning ya, Pam.

Anyhoo, I totally agreed with my radio buddy. And I thought I was the only one who couldn't stand Harris. I don't know much about this Harris chick. I understand she was a correspondent for E! Entertainment and that she's hosted numerous shows, including Extra and The Next Joe Millionaire. Someone needs to teach Dark-Haired Barbie how to stop over enunciating. I know girlfriend wants to be clear, and all, but it's not necessary to have your mouth opening as wide as the Grand Canyon when you talk. Actually, all of those stiff-haired TV newscasters do it, but I'm just calling Samantha on it 'cause, well, I have a blog and I can.

And someone please tell Dark-Haired Barbie that she's not reporting from some war-torn foreign country. National security isn't at stake. No one is really hanging on your every word. Take it down a notch, baby.

It's just a reality show dance contest.

Poor Kenny Mayne, We Hardly Knew Ye!

There's nothing worse than being the first person kicked off a reality show in front of millions of viewers. The shame! The horror!

Kenny Mayne knows exactly what that feels like after he and his partner, professional dancer Andrea Hale, were voted off Dancing with the Stars last night. Poor Kenny. He may be a horrible hoofer, but at least he knows how to entertain a crowd. If you didn't like the ESPN's dude's dry wit or clown-like dance moves, then, well, just look at his spiky 'do. That was probably worth a chuckle or two.

Now, I know I wasn't the only one surprised that the stiff-legged Master P survived the first round. Perhaps viewers were moved by the fact that P filled in for his son at the last minute. Perhaps there are more gangsta cha cha cha fans out there than we ever realized. (God, I hope not!) Or perhaps viewers were afraid to vote off an influential hip-hop mogul first fearing violent reprisals. A lot of those rapper types can get mighty ornery.

Who knows?

But since you're still in it P, you better show me something on Thursday. Remember, The Robot isn't allowed in ballroom dancing.

'Dancing With The Stars': My New Favorite Reality Show Of The Moment

Last summer I failed to jump on the Dancing With The Stars bus. Sure, I heard all about the insane hype and John O'Hurley's hissy fit after he was robbed on last season's finale by those shyster judges and that leggy General Hospital chick. This time, however, I wasn't gonna miss the ride with such unlikely hoofers as rapper Master P, big-lipped Lisa Rinna, pro football great Jerry Rice and the forever tanned George Hamilton.

My reaction to it all?

I was hooked immediately! Dancing With The Stars is crack TV -- it's instantly addictive. Since Survivor and The Apprentice are off hibernating, I'm gonna git my reality TV fix with Dancing. Big ups to all the contestants. It's not easy trying to look all graceful and polished on a ballroom dance floor when you're not used to, well, looking all graceful and polished on a ballroom dance floor.

Here are a few thoughts on Thursday's premiere.

Master P should stick to rapping: The hip-hop mogul gets mad props for filling in at the 11th hour when his boy injured himself playing basketball. But my man was stiffer than a redwood while getting his gangsta cha cha cha on. And the baseball cap? And sneakers? And that hideous pin-striped suit? Whaddup with all that? P was decked out more for The Source Awards than a fancy, schmancy dance contest.

Kenny Mayne needs his own sitcom: Dude was soooooooo funny! Yo, Kenny, ditch that ESPN gig and get ABC to sign you to a development deal. Just make sure no dancing is involved.

Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke should tape a romance instructional DVD: Were they hot, or what? They had all sorts of steamy chemistry going on. Fellas, if you forgot how to make sexy, meaningful, we-gonna-take-this-to-the-bedroom eye contact with your woman, go back and watch Drew and Cheryl do it. Then you do it! And do it! And do it!

I never knew female wrestlers looked so good: You could fit everything I know about wrestling into a thumbnail. I always thought chick wrestlers were big, brawny and scary-looking like Chyna. Then I saw Stacy Keibler, the WWE diva and my jaw dropped -- and stayed there! Girlfriend looked like she was born on the dance floor.

That's it for now, boys and girls. Look for me to be bloggin a whole lot more in the future on my favorite new reality show.

Yay! Jon Stewart To Host The Oscars

Two years ago, I was at a Comedy Central party in Hollywood with a bunch of TV critic types. A few of us were hanging at the bar because Jon Stewart was there and, well, the drinks were free. Hey, at least I'm honest. I'll never forget being so impressed with Stewart. There were no cue cards. None of his writers were handing him notes or jokes. I got to see up-close-and-personal just how sharp, funny and insightful Stewart is. No wonder more people are watching his "fake news" on The Daily Show when they want the real news. The man is the real deal and a rare intelligent comic. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences was wise to hire Stewart to host this year's Oscars. If the producers let Stewart do his thing and don't keep him hidden like what happened with Ellen DeGeneres on the Emmys, the Oscars will be fun to watch.

NBC Affiliate Punks Out By Pulling 'The Book of Daniel'

Let me get this out of the way: I've seen The Book of Daniel. It's controversial. Over-the-top. Funny. Thought-provoking. Entertaining. I liked it. Not everyone, however, shares those views. Since the show deals with an unconventional Episcopalian minister (Aidan Quinn) who courts temptation and who is openly accepting of his gay son, The Religious Right -- namely the American Family Association -- has been all huffy and puffy while charging that the show "mocks Christianity."

If The Religious Right has a beef with the show, well, that's their constitutional right. But no one from the AFA has even seen the show, which premieres Friday night. So far the AFA is basing its objections on NBC's promos and whatever the group has read about the show.

How can you make an intelligent and well-informed decision without having all the facts? That's like me writing a review based on a show's press release instead of taking the time to watch the show myself. If I did that, I'd be out of a job. Like yesterday.

Unfortunately the AFA's gripes aren't landing on deaf ears. WTWO, an NBC affiliate in Terre Haute, Ind., has already said that it will not air Daniel. The AFA's chairman chimed in that he expects other stations to follow WTWO's unfortunate lead.

Hey, it's America. Which means people have the right to believe and say whatever they want to believe and say. That's why this country is so great. I just get concerned and outraged when TV stations advocate censorship without giving viewers a chance to make up their minds themselves.

Sure, Daniel is about an out-there priest who is far from conservative. Are there priests out there just like Daniel Webster? Sure there are. NBC's show isn't damning all Episcopalian priests or an entire religion. It's just a TV show. A TV show that's designed to enlighten, provoke thought and entertain.

The Book of Daniel does all three.

Is Ryan Seacrest Trying To Take Over The (TV) World?

In the James Bond movies, all the bad guys have one trait in common: dreams of global domination. I'm starting to think that Ryan Seacrest has the same power-hungry dream. Seacrest, you see, is all over the place. He lords over American Idol. He hosts two popular radio shows. He's been a fill-in host on Larry King Live. He's being groomed to be the next Dick Clark for New Year's Rockin' Eve. He hosted his own talk show. He has his own cable channel.

OK, the last one hasn't happened yet, but it's only a matter of time. First cable, then the universe. Just wait.

Seacrest's latest strategic move to fulfill his ultimate goal was to convince E! Entertainment to give him even more airtime. If Seacrest is getting paid by the word, he'll be able to retire in six months. E! says Seacrest will play a key role in E! News, E!'s Live From the Red Carpet and Celebrity Interview Specials. Seacrest will also produce a series of projects through his production company -- aptly named Ryan Seacrest Productions.

Somewhere, you know Simon Cowell is seething. And so is Brian Dunkleman.

Brian Who?

Exactly.

Someone find 007 before Seacrest's wildly ambitious dream becomes reality.

Happy New Shows! Midseason TV Is Here!

Happy New Year, TV Watchers!

Despite numerous rumor to the contrary, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I was on little something called a...vacation. Now I'm back and just in time for the new batch of midseason shows that are about to invade your livingroom over the next few months. Here's my brief take on some of the shows I've seen so far. Look for my full report in Wednesday's Palm Beach Post.

THE BOOK OF DANIEL
NBC, 9 p.m. (starts Friday; moves to 10 p.m. Jan. 13)
The story: A Vicodin-popping, Episcopalian minister (Aidan Quinn) has his hands full at church -- and at home.
The verdict: A darkly funny, quietly moving dramatic stew that owes its existence to Desperate Housewives. Like ABC’s top-rated sudser, The Book of Daniel has it all: Pot selling teens. Backseat sex having teens. Martini-swigging moms. Embezzlement-happy churchgoers. A top-shelf cast and…Jesus. Yes, that Jesus who pops in on the good Rev from time to time to offer Life Savers and impart such age-old wisdom as “I’m not a fortune teller. Let it play out.� You’d be smart to watch The Book of Daniel play out.

EMILY'S REASONS WHY NOT
ABC, 9 p.m., (starts Jan. 9)
The story: A cute self-help book editor (Heather Graham) tries figuring out that whole relationship thing by making a list of reasons that’ll keep her from constantly dating Mr. Wrong.
The verdict: Smart, sassy and funny. Sure, Emily’s Reasons Why Not is Sex and the City lite. So what? It’s network TV, people, not cable. Besides, Graham is downright adorable and instantly lovable as an independent career woman tired of looking for love in all the wrong places. And she’s way better looking than Sarah Jessica Parker. Graham dresses better, too.

SOUTH BEACH
UPN, 8 p.m. (starts Jan. 11)
The story: Two Noo Yawkas (Marcus Coloma, Chris Johnson) leave their Brooklyn ‘hood for sun and fun in Miami but wind up mixed up in some old-fashioned gangsta shenanigans with a shady businessman (Giancarlo Esposito) and a super fine hotel owner (Vanessa Williams).
The verdict: TV may have found its next juicy guilty pleasure soap. South Beach is Miami Vice meets Dynasty. Only just about everybody is way younger than there were on those shows. There’s bling, babes, loud hip-hop music and a whole bunch of slow-motion shots that make everyone look really cool. South Beach won’t win any Emmys (don‘t look for any nods, either), but it looks good and moves like a bullet.

FOUR KINGS
NBC, 8:30 p.m. (starts Thursday)
The story: Four childhood buddies (Seth Green, Josh Cooke, Shane McRae, Todd Grinnell) move in together when one of them inherits a humongous Manhattan apartment that’s about the size of Yankee Stadium.
The verdict: Four Duds is more like it. Unlike My Name Is Earl or The Office, Four Kings is another one-note, generic sitcom NBC claimed it would stop making. You know you’re in for a bumpy comedic ride when you’re watching two horny goofballs comparing panties. Don’t ask. Better yet, don’t watch.

LOVE MONKEY
CBS, 10 p.m. (starts Jan. 17)
The story: A thirtysomething record label exec (Tom Cavanagh) looks for the Next Big Star AND (italics) his significant other with his pals at local Big Apple watering holes.
The verdict: It’s a male Sex and the City. Four guys, hanging out, talkin’ about babes. Do I need to draw you a picture? Cavanagh was a winning lead on NBC’s Ed and he’s just as captivating here. He’s the kind of guy you love rooting for.

SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES
FOX, 9 p.m. (starts Jan. 18; move to Mondays at 8 p.m. Jan. 23)
The story: It’s like Dancing With the Stars only there’s ice…and a lot more bruises.
The verdict: If you’ve been dying to watch a bunch of C-list stars like Full House’s Dave Coulier and Diff’rent Strokes’ Todd Bridges fall on their rears while skating with the likes of Nancy Kerrigan and Jenni Meno, then, well, this is your lucky year.

GET THIS PARTY STARTED
UPN, 9 p.m. (starts Jan. 24)
The story: An elite team of party planners to the stars throw an extravagant shindig for one lucky contestant. Laguna Beach’s Kristin Cavallari and Extra’s Ethan Erickson host.
The verdict: And we’re supposed to care…why?