Leslie Gray Streeter

Postcard From The Strip: Vegas, Baby!

One of the things I love the most about Las Vegas - and there are many - is that it's completely upfront about its most important draw - entertainment that doesn't pretend to be educational, historic, or in any way nutritious.

I'm sure a lot of people come strictly to see the Hoover Dam, and the lovely mountains and desert that surround it. But when I got off the plane this afternoon at the large and flashy McCarren Airport, I wasn't greeted with huge backlit signs advertising magical history tours. But I did see one of Carrot Top, and the oil-chested man mountains of Thunder From Down Under, and of Toni Braxton (more about that later.)

Of course, McCarren's entertainment isn't just about fabulous shows - a bank of slot machines is so nearthe gate that I very nearly tripped over it. The slots are like automated welcome wagons, their blinking lights and colors shouting "Welcome To Vegas! Don't worry about that extra change in your pocket ... we'll take care of that!"

Every few feet, there's a larger-than-life ad for all of the things to do and see here in Vegas. I'll be attempting to cover the basics:

- Comedy: I'll be seeing the new Luxor show by Carrot Top, Boca's own flame-haired, iron pumping prop comic, and then hanging out with him. Maybe when he's not looking, I'll take something fun out of his prop trunk and see if he notices.

- Celebrity tribute shows: Right here in the old school Riviera Hotel and Casino, where I'll be staying, there are several celeb impersonators, including the La Cage female impersonator group, a show based on a fictional show by Barbra Streisand and Frank Sinatra, and Jay White, whose web site claims "You will be believe that Jay White is Neil Diamond."

Oh really? Well, we'll see about that tonight, when I'm up close and personal with Mr. White, whose e-mail is Neil Zircon. I could make this stuff up. But then I would worry about me.

- Huge multi-million dollar entertainment spectacles - the big new show in town is Cirque du Soleil's "Love" featuring the music of the Beatles, and Celine Dion's "A New Day." Both are lavish, swirling festivals of music, lighting, sets and dancers with negative body fat. I'll be seeing both. I was hoping to get to talk to Celine, a former Palm Beach Countian, but alas, I couldn't make it happen. Oh well. Je still t'aime, Celine.

- Half-naked hunky men taking their clothes off - I find myself violating my lifelong "No male strip show" policy, which I've had as long as my "No dating men with gold teeth" policy. This is because I've just discovered that here, in this very hotel, is the American Storm revue, made up of the members of VH1's "Strip Search" show, which did a nationwide search for the best naked dudes in the country. Currently, they are doing a tribute to American history and our servicemen and women protecting our freedom, during which they will perform to patriotic music. Oh say, can you see, by that guy's Speedos tight?

I need a nap.