AJC.com > Opinion > Woman to Woman > Archives > 2007 > August > 04 > Entry
How a sparring partner became a friend:
A tribute to Diane Glass
Commentary
It is very hard for me to believe she is gone.
Four years ago, not long after President Bush took us into Iraq, Diane Glass and I sat down for lunch to discuss a a weekly liberal-conservative debate column. We couldn’t have foreseen it then, but the country was about to become even more contentiously divided along ideological lines. And the vision for a true commentary-rebuttal format — where the point was to specifically reflect on and respond to each other’s opinion — would be especially valuable in the shout-past-each-other ethos of the years to come.
We also couldn’t have foreseen, during that first meeting, something that I view as a legacy from Diane to this contentious culture: That we could become not only business partners, but friends. Two completely different people - she the liberal feminist agnostic, me the conservative Christian - can indeed passionately defend opposing beliefs in public but be respectful of each other. And eventually seek out each other’s company, just to get together every now and then.
Forgive the cliché (Diane would surely roll her eyes at me for this), but that sense of collaboration is something that this country desperately needs.
Why is it that each camp has so vilified those with whom they disagree? Why is it that President Bush or Hillary Clinton are cast as hateful ‘liars’ and even ‘murderers’ by their opponents, instead of simply strong ideological leaders on a course that others deeply dislike? (If you have no idea why Hillary would ever be considered a murderer, you clearly lean left and haven’t been forced to receive Vince Foster conspiracy theory emails.)
Yes, there are very real and important worldview differences struggling for cultural impact today. It matters - and matters intensely — what policies are instituted, or what influences we see in the media. It matters for all of us how the war on terror, the war in Iraq, or dozens of other issues are handled. For example, I personally believe that one of today’s most important issues is abortion, since abortion takes a life. But for Diane the issue was just as important on the other side, as she felt compelled to protect women’s rights from extinction.
And even though I intensely disagreed with Diane’s positions, I would be far worse off for having never really considered them. Certainly I will continue to press the need to restrict abortion - but I will do it differently for having been challenged to help not only the unborn but the desperate women who feel that they have no other “choice.” I will continue advocating for broadcasting decency standards, but will be much more mindful of free speech concerns. I still believe we need to give much more support to the war in Iraq, but believe it can be done much more wisely if we address the realities raised by those who want us out.
It is easy to stay in our huddles, never hear each other, and succumb to groupthink. But we can’t afford that luxury. Primarily due to Diane’s example, I have become convinced that it is essential to speak not only to those who are convinced you are right - but to those who are angrily convinced you are wrong.
Diane, more than many readers realized, had an open mind - and despite her sometimes acerbic style in print, a soft heart. She was a very private person. In the weeks before her death, her boyfriend, John, shared with her friends an open letter he’d written to Diane, saying how much he wished she’d been able to “show more people how truly tender you are… The depths of your love and kindness were too well hidden from far too many.”
The last time I saw Diane I was glad to see that her smart-alecky wit was intact, even in a hospital bed. But so was the gentleness that many of us had rarely glimpsed. When I cried with her, she took my hand to give me comfort. And we prayed together; she having the courage to reach out to eternity with her questions.
In the weeks to come, this column will resume its role of bringing a respectful debate into the public square. But for now, I hope that in Diane’s memory readers of all stripes will use this moment to consider the importance of agreeing to disagree — and collaborating, regardless.
I will miss my friend.
Services »
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Dusty
August 5, 2007 9:48 AM | Link to this
Well, Shaunti, thank you for a fine tribute to your friend, Diane. Such a hard thing to lose one you have enjoyed. I am glad you have learned to tolerate both sides of a debate without anger (an attitude I have yet to find totally enjoyable).
Sometimes I find “Woman to Woman” a bit superfluous as I worked my way through many of the considerations some time ago. Perhaps there are those who have just hit some “injustice” and need other thoughts. See!! Evidence of a closed mind!!
So I close my salute to your sorrow with the ever necessary cliche: “I feel your pain!!” And I really do…
By Cathy Crumrine
August 5, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this
I was so touched by your article of today. I have had a friend who for years we were able to have the most wonderful debates. Then it got too hard and personal and we have had to quit or else the friendship would suffer. Your article adressed the value of having an open mind to the viewpoints of others and creative/positive ways to incorporate those with you own. Thank you for a well written article. I hope all subscribers take the time to read it and take heed. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.
By John Woodward
August 5, 2007 4:52 PM | Link to this
I was very shocked and saddened to learn of Diane’s untimely death. I have been a regular reader who oftened disagreed with, but always respected Diane. On many occasions, I would send her an email, and she always thanked me for the respectful nature of my meanderings
By DebbieDoRight
August 6, 2007 8:40 AM | Link to this
Shaunti: The most poignant point of your tribute was when you said: “Primarily due to Diane’s example, I have become convinced that it is essential to speak not only to those who are convinced you are right - but to those who are angrily convinced you are wrong.”
I think Diane is smiling somewhere because you said that!! I could just picture her saying “I knew I’d get you to see the light sooner or later!”
By Grace Buettner
August 6, 2007 10:09 AM | Link to this
I attended Diane’s memorial last night at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. I am Diane’s step-aunt, and I unfortunately did not know her very well and thought I had nothing to say, but now realize there was something I should have talked about. The first thing I noticed when we entered the garden where the service was held was a beautiful monarch butterfly. In fact, there were butterflies all over the garden, and they even “bugged” a few of the friends and family who spoke about Diane. The ceremony was beautiful, but God sent the finishing touch because of His love for us all, especially Diane. The butterfly is a symbol of ressurection because of its life cycle. It goes from caterpillar to pupa, to butterfly, paralleling our life of spritual development on earth to finally living with God in heaven. Diane is with Him!
By Annie
August 6, 2007 10:56 AM | Link to this
Shaunti, I seldom agree with your take on the issues presented in the “WTW” forum, but I found your tribute to Diane very touching. I, too, suspect that she’s somewhere smiling at her not-so-small accomplishment of getting an avowed conservative to look at the opposing viewpoint with an open mind from here on out. I mourn her with you, and pray that you’ll find comfort in the memory of her friendship. God Bless.
By kat
August 6, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this
she prayed with you. somehow i knew that she would. bless you.
By R-Hollender
August 6, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this
Shaunti, thanks for such a nice tribute to Diane. I am Diane’s friend and fan. When I last met her on July 16th at Emory, I was crying, and said, ‘Diane, I can’t see you like that, please get well’. She looked at me with a little watery eyes and smile, said, ‘come here, I got close, she pulled me and gave me a hug, and said, ‘you will be alright’ yeah, that’s Diane, always caring and loving, always thinking of others. For some reason I have not accepted the fact that she is not around anymore, on Wednesday 8/1, during lunch time, my hand reached for my cell phone, I dialed half of Diane’s cell, to see if she could come down and have lunch with me on Broad. I know she is gone, but why I keep thinking of e-mailing her or calling her. We will always miss her, she will never be forgotton.
By Lynda
August 6, 2007 1:00 PM | Link to this
Thanks for your comments ~ Amen.
By Nancy E. Phillips
August 6, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this
I was shocked to read of the Diane’s passing. I always enjoyed her columns and she will be greatly missed. My deepest condolences to Diane’s loved ones. I like to think she’s huddled with one of my other favorite columnists, Molly Ivins, sharing anecdotes.
Sleep softly, Diane.
By R.S.
August 6, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this
Beautiful, heartfelt tribute! Diane would be very touched, I’m sure. Although there were various times I disagreed with you both (I’m neither liberal nor conservative; depends on the issue), you both always handled yourselves & each other with consummate class & professionalism
By Amy in the ATL
August 6, 2007 1:43 PM | Link to this
Thank you for a sincere tribute to Diane, a very well-spoken and bright woman who will be missed. And thanks also for recognizing - and putting in writing - how important civilized debate can be. Practicing civil debate makes people better thinkers and better able to close some of the holes in their own arguments by recognizing that the viewpoints of others are valid and should be taken into account. Our country would be much stronger and more respected if this was more widely practiced at the highest levels of government. Hopefully enough people will read your column and take heed on this one, regardless of political ideology.
By Rob Cooper
August 6, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this
Shaunti,
Yours was a wondeful tribute. I had already posted an email to Diane before i dsicovered she had died. I would like to go ahead and repeat the emailhere so i can join in with the host of well-wishers who have already posted.Dear Diane,
I just read “Life Can Throw You Curves Straight Out of a Greek Tragedy.”
This note is to let you know you are in our prayers. My wife and I always read your column and always seemed to agree with your side of the debate with Shaunti. I’m sure you are both wonderful people and both have the best interest of the readers in mind. But for us your arguments were the refreshing ones and the thought-provoking ones. I’m not going to put Shaunti down as I’m sure you would not do either. It would not surprise me to learn she has been one of your first vistors and has offered her own prayers. Speaking of which, I don’t know how you feel about prayer. In one sense I don’t believe in it since I have to believe that while God gave us life, it’s hard for me to believe God interferes with our lives and, therefore, that prayer is going to change anything. Having said that I would like to tell you that in August of 2005, on my 80th birthday—Yes, on my birthday—I was in Spartanburg Regional undergoing surgery for cancer. Plans for a big celebration with our two “kids” in California were set aside. My doctor showed us how much the cancer had spread outside the kidney. I had to sign papers allowing him to remove a list of other organs if necessary. He said my odds of survival were 50%. I’m not normally the lucky kind but I certainly was in this case. Although the doctor had to remove the ureter in addition to the kidney, the other organs were intact. We had a beautiful fall that year for me to recuperate in. I prayed (what did I have to lose?) that I would be given three more years, to get my affairs in order for my wife. That three years now seems a real possibility, although I’m not so sure about the order of my affairs. I’m telling you this because it has to do with prayer. My feeling about it now is that I was most appreciative of people who prayed for me and I truly think I was benefited by the warmth of their feelings and their expressions of concern. In addition, I’m sure it did my well-wishers a lot of good to pray for me. And that made me feel good too. So yes, I do believe prayers help even if not in the ordinarily-understood way. That’s why I don’t feel like a hypocrite in telling you I’m praying for you. I want you to know I am pulling for you. Lord knows it won’t be easy. I did not bear up under my chemo well at all. But I did get through it and I know you will too. I feel confident that with current available techniques and doctors’ skills you will make it.
Yours sincerely,
One of your fans, Rob Cooper
By nancy porter
August 7, 2007 2:06 PM | Link to this
Hello, Diane’s life story and the column captured my interest. I’m eager to see some columns as I am new to the area and want to see how these friends sparred on paper. I couldn’t access any previous columns, only this one page.
Can a link be added?
My best wishes to Diane’s family, friends, and readers.
Nancy Porter
By Vilyamoy
August 7, 2007 11:43 PM | Link to this
Hello! great idea of color of this siyte!
By Sue
August 8, 2007 10:57 AM | Link to this
Very nice column Shaunti. Your comments about the need to have to talk and listen to those with whom we disagree intensely is just so true. How much progress we could make on so many issues if people, especially our elected officials, would only do this!
I too would like to see the Woman to Woman archives. The print version says to go to ajc.com/woman to read them, but that link takes you here and you have only the most recent column. Please provide a link to the archives!
By Edjamacator
August 8, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this
I kindly yesterday pointed out to Nancy Porter that the links to previous Woman-to-Woman columns were at the bottom of this page.
For reasons only the ajc editors could explain, they felt it was appropriate to remove those two posts of mine late yesterday.
By Hank
August 8, 2007 11:59 AM | Link to this
Did you read the piece about misogyny on the female athlete and the blogosphere’s inappropriate treatment of the female pole vaulter. Where is the condemnation of hiphop’s treatment of females. Everyone needs to attack the source of any misogyny and call it what it is… ignorance.
By Ernest Sedgwick
August 8, 2007 4:31 PM | Link to this
I lived in Woodstock for twenty seven years and I look back at the net pages of a news paper I subscribed to for all of those years. I was not aware that Ms Glass was even unwell. It broke my heart to be made aware of her passing. She,Lewis and Celestine were part of a heritage that I will truly miss. Rest in peace. Ernest Sedgwick Unionville NC
By AJC staff
August 8, 2007 9:49 PM | Link to this
Edjamacator Apologies. Your helpful message for Nancy Porter was accidentally deleted as we were trying to clear out some spam on the blog. We messaged the archive link to Ms. Porter. Again, thanks for your kind effort. Sorry we bungled it.
By Jim
August 12, 2007 1:12 PM | Link to this
I guess I’m late to the issue, but what happened to Diane? How did she die?
By Sue
August 13, 2007 12:27 PM | Link to this
Jim,
For the full, sad, story, as well as Diane’s last column, scroll down to below the Post a Comment box, and click on the link for the recent Woman to Woman column called “Running Out of Time but not Determination”.
By andyHINES
August 14, 2007 8:35 AM | Link to this
this is such a sad story …. thank you for a fine tribute!
By Robert Ross
August 15, 2007 12:30 PM | Link to this
I always agreed with you, but I read your WTW column, just for the laugh provided by Diannes’s viewpoint. I was shocked and saddened that she is gone.
A fine farewell indeed.
By Sheila
August 15, 2007 1:20 PM | Link to this
It is always sad when a soul passes and I am sure family, friends, & fans will miss Diane. My sister sent me a link to the tribute & last article for a reason. We (we’re) twins and just turned 51, feeling sad that life has passed us by. Growing up in a traumatic environment caused us to live for tomorrow because by then life will be better. I felt my twin sent me this to invite me to live each day to the fullest because we are not promised tomorrow. Diane’s life and consequent death just taught me an important life lesson. I wanted to just take a moment to offer my condolences and thank you all for sharing this lesson with me, my sister and whomever else it touches.