AJC > Sports Thrashers > Blog > Archives > 2007 > December > 10
Monday, December 10, 2007
Rawhide Visits Santa
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
(Lenox Mall on a busy Saturday afternoon during the Christmas season. Rawhide, after waiting patiently…OK, UN-patiently…in line for 3-1/2 hours to see Santa Clause finally gets his turn and hops up in his lap)…
Santa: Ugh!…OW! Sheeze kid, what do you weigh, 210?
Rawhide: 195 and a half… like YOU got room to talk. Now cut the crap and let’s get down to business. I’ve waited over 3 hours for this…it would have been longer had I not bought off some of those kids with counterfeit Hannah Montana tickets.
Santa: Wha…?? Oh, it’s YOU Rawhide. I thought I recognized those ears.
Rawhide: (looking out a crowd), The man works with elves and he’s bustin’ ME in the chops about ears?
Santa: I’m just saying, those look like someone left the car doors open…
Rawhide: Shut it, fat boy. Look, I’m still peeved about what you did to my pals and me last year…
Santa: Whoa there, smarty, YOU and your little friends Brian, Buzilla and RStroz …you all asked for your Thrashers to go to the playoffs. That’s what you little cretins asked for, right? Did that not happen, with a division title to boot?
Rawhide: Oh, yeah, sure…whatever….swept in four and out the door. Thanks. Thanks a PANT-LOAD!! You knew what we wanted!
Santa: Well, you weren’t specific. Look, I got 6 billion people to deal with and….
Rawhide: YADA-YADA-YADA…whatever Santa Klutz…look, I’m gonna spell this out for you nice and simple-like, see? I don’t want you screwing up THIS order. Got it? Me and my pals in Blueland….we’re all in agreement on this. We want a Stanley Cup Championship for our Thrashers. Yeah, I wanna see the Thrashers skatin’ around Philips with Lord Stanley’s Cup and so does everyone else. Can ya handle that?
Santa: Well, if that’s ALL you wanted, why didn’t you just say so. I’ll just get my people RIGHT on that for YOUUUuuUUUUUuuuuu……
Rawhide: Watch it chimney-stuffin’! I’m not messin’ around here! See, Brian and Zilla and RStroz, they all are willing to give up EVERYTHING else for Christmas. They are satisfied with getting NUTHIN’…ZIP…NADA…GOOSE EGG….BUPKIS…for Christmas if they can just see the Thrasher win the championship.
Santa: But what about you? Are you going to go without too?
Rawhide: Hey, when did this become all about ME?
Boy in line: Yo, hustle it up….we’d like to see Santa too…WHILE WE’RE YOUNG!
Rawhide: Look, Jethro…why don’t you go get yourself an Islander jersey over there. It’s just your speed. Meanwhile, pipe down. I’m almost done here.
Santa: UGH. Can you shift over to my other leg…this one’s gone numb.
Rawhide: Deal with it…occupational hazard. So, you coming through this year or what?
Santa: I dunno, that’s a tough one. I’m gonna have to call in some serious favors on that. Beside, that’s in the spring…shouldn’t you be taking this up with the Easter Bunny?
Rawhide: Passing the buck already, are you? Look, I didn’t want it to come to this…but you see that guy over there, the one wearing the trench coat?
Santa: Oh…ah…yeah. That’s Brendan, right?
Rawhide: DING-DING-DING! Let’s hear what he wins, Johnny…Yeah, that’s Brendan. Now look….if you don’t come through, he’s gonna start talkin’.
Santa: What do you mean? You saying that he’s got something on me? Look, I know I spend a lot of time with the elves in the workshop and those rumors about the Swedish ones and me are just…
Rawhide: No, no, Chubs. He’s gonna start talkin’….chattin’…blabbin’….you know, like he always does. He can go on and on and on and on and…wait a minute, “the Swedish ones”?
Santa: Oh, ah, nuthin’…OK …I get it! Geeze, that Brendan…he just doesn’t stop! Oh, you’re a bad one, Mr. Rawhide! You would do that, wouldn’t you?
Rawhide: Faster than a reindeer can wiz on a snow bank, Tubby! And he’ll be right there in the sleigh with you, all Christmas Eve, see? And I got some pull with the Nasty-Nest gang; I could get a “Santa” chant going in this place just like that…(snap).
Santa: OK, OK, OK….I’ll see what I can do. Just go….and take him with you. Please!
Rawhide: (Hopping down and walking off)…OK, you just do that…or…(points over to Brendan).
Santa: (Head in hands), There just isn’t enough coal in the world to stick in that one’s stocking….
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