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DEL.ICIO.USSpying on your family made easy
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Technology gives us the tools to be a pretty good spy.
Do you want to spy on your spouse or a child while they’re at the computer? Programs like this can do the job - hiding themselves and taking note of what is said in e-mails and text messages. That’s a single example. Use Google to search - parental software control. You’ll find screen after screen full of programs eager to spy for you.
Do you want to know what’s going on with a child’s cellular phone? Here’s Radar, a service that will send you a message each time there is a call.
Over the years I’ve often had e-mails from parents asking how to spy on a child’s computer habits. And - as you’ve seen - there are ways to do it. It feels wrong to me, yet I also understand the urge and maybe even the need at times.
It’s hard to know what’s right. But I do know this. It would be easy for a parent to cede the responsibility for being a parent to a service or a chunk of software. To my way of thinking that’s dangerous.
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By charliejoe
July 10, 2007 11:15 AM | Link to this
By all means, snoop on your kids. When they rebel with spiteful acting out and end up hooked on drugs or pregnant, at least you’ll have the satisfaction that they don’t trust you and won’t tell you about it! Nobody likes Big Brother.
By Walter
July 10, 2007 11:36 AM | Link to this
Trust, but verify…You are a parent first and a friend second.
By Squirrel
July 10, 2007 12:09 PM | Link to this
Yes, you should snoop on your kids, who cares about “Big Brother” or anyone else for that matter, is is your job to raise your kids, not be a friend or a “Big Borther”. As we all know kids will lie regardless of the situation or the circumstances, if you think that your kids are 100% honest with their parents, then you are delusional at best.Verify, and verify again.
By Suvilian
July 10, 2007 1:02 PM | Link to this
This is great I have an 8 year old that will have my old notebook pc for his own pretty soon and i am soooo glad that i have the option 2 ‘spy. I was going to result in not giving him internet access at all and the only thing he could use were CD programs or the office programs on the desktop. I like this opt. Oh yea- good 2 know about the cell phone as well. There is an old phone i was thinking of allowing him to carry ‘when needed’ @ practices and friends house when visiting for playdate. Cool.
By Promise
July 10, 2007 1:03 PM | Link to this
I raised 3 kids of my own and 13 foster ones as well. I routinely searched rooms, questioned their whereabouts, their friends and monitored their computer activities. Tough? you bet I was. I’m a parent 1st and a friend last. I’ve never been given reason to regret doing it that way and the reward of having 16 good ADULTS come from it was worth every single ” You don’t trust me!” “Darn right I don’t.” arguement that was had.
By the eclectic hamster
July 10, 2007 1:14 PM | Link to this
Hey, at least people are using said software instead of not caring at all what their kids are doing on the computer and on the Internet and then making a fuss at said computer and Internet when they get in trouble! That mindset is numbingly stupid and it’s the reason why services like Myspace et al. are always controversial even when they have no reason to be. It’s a service and a fun thing like anything else, if you don’t like it, DON’T USE IT!
Sudden swings in parental attitude and “trust” are the worst. Either start out overhanging or don’t at all, because it’s the sudden prospect of being watched and monitored that will drive kids to secrecy and rebellion.
By toggle
July 10, 2007 1:27 PM | Link to this
I understand how people can feel that spying is wrong, and I can understand how others can feel that there is no way they wouldn’t.
Rather than struggle with this ethical dilemma, I chose to head it off in the beginning and told my daughters that while I trust them to do the right thing, I will monitor their computer use to help protect them.
The first time my nine year-old daughter did a search on “bunnies” and came across some websites that did not have pictures of rabbits, she understood. I told her that what she had done was not wrong, and promptly changed the search engines available to her in Firefox and Safari.
She and her little sister got a quick lesson about the internet. I wish that she hadn’t stumbled on the site, but fortunately, it was nothing graphic. I also learned a lesson in being a better father.
In short, a conversation about expectations, reinforced by an embarrising experience seem to have worked … so far. Guess we’ll see when they get to middle school!