AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2007 > October > 11 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USDon’t bet on Falcons, long Harrington tenure
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
You had to know the Falcons would have some really big announcement this week because they were preparing for Monday Night Football, which is their first appearance on national television this year, unless you count Michael Vick’s plea deal, though most don’t relate the two because, like, it was hard to get a seat for Michael Vick’s plea deal and this one you can pretty much walk in off the street. Get there early and you can play quarterback. Stay late and maybe ESPN will have another Town Hall Meeting. (No! My eyes, my eyes!)
Bobby Petrino (still an Atlanta resident!) named Joey Harrington the starter for the big game against the New York Giants, saying Harrington “gives us our best chance to succeed.”
This affords Harrington job security for somewhere between one possession and four quarters, depending on his success rate and/or how long Petrino wants to look bad (generally has an over/under of seven seconds).
And then? Any takers?
Byron Leftwich: “I’m ready! I had 12 snaps this week! My arm feels great! Watch … uh … fore!!!”
Chris Redman: “Can I interest you in a homeowner’s policy? Maybe life? We’re doing some great things with …”
Chris Chandler: “Do you have an HMO? Last week I fell and …”
Bobby Hebert: “Broke a nail?”
Chris Chandler: “Diane!”
Michael Vick: “Are you still here?”
Arthur Blank: “Are you still here?”
Vick: “Hey, Mr. Owner man! Sorry, left my checkbook in my car.”
Blank: “Actually, Michael, that would be my car.”
Harrington: “Alge? Marco? Polo?”
The Falcons are 9-19 (.321) all-time on Monday nights. Also, they just lost two offensive linemen. Also, there’s everything else.
Feeling comfy? Don’t worry. It’s only cable.
Giants cover 3 1/2.
Old school
(Early Fall Blowout: Buy three and get a copy of Marion Jones’ autobiography, “I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it, You’re lying, I’ll sue, Character Assassin! OK, I did it. Forgive me? Kiss Kiss.”)
Honey Bees: Two years ago, after a week of brush fires, Tech and Chan Gailey upset then No. 3 Miami in the Orange Bowl. The gloating lasted about 12 seconds (a Tech record). Then came losses to Georgia and Utah. Now the Yeller Jackets are 1-3 since a 2-0 start. Tech logic says upset. But I’ve been burned too often by schizos. If I go down, I go down with dignity. Canes cover 2 1/2.
Trembling Chihuahuas: Was that Willie Martinez I saw after the game last week in Knoxville? Because all I saw was a guy looking catatonic in a folding chair, and I’m sure I heard somebody say, “Go to the light, Willie.” This week, it’s Vanderbilt. A sure thing. Hah! Even Vandy’s not candy anymore. But Georgia covers 7.
LSU at Kentucky: Rich Brooks missed his window at 5-0 to ask for another extension. The only question now is what’s left after consecutive games against South Carolina (loss), LSU and Florida. Organ-donor cards to the first 10,000 at the Mississippi State game. Tigers cover 9 1/2.
Auburn at Arkansas: Arkansas is 3-2, which isn’t so bad until you consider the wins are over Troy, North Texas and UT Chattanooga, which doesn’t bode well for Florida International in two weeks, which means what in real life exactly? Take Auburn in a straight upset (and the gift 3).
Alabama at Mississippi: Nick Saban said this week, “We won’t win any games this year [just] because we’re Alabama.” Isn’t that a fireable offense? Tide covers 6 1/2.
A Meat And Two
Game of the Week: New England and Dallas are both 5-0. Take a picture because it’s the only time they’ll ever have something in common. Best news out of Dallas this week was Terrell Owens leaving a note on his locker, reading: “Due to the magnitude of this week’s game and high volume of questions for the Original 81 about the other 81 [Randy Moss], I will be taking all questions immediately following Sunday’s game.” Problem is, everybody will be by the other 81’s locker. Pats cover 41/2.
Carolina at Arizona: The Panthers just signed Vinny Testaverde. There’s now an opening on the Sunshine Boys team for shuffleboard Saturday. Interested parties should contact Hugh McElhenny, at least until the Panthers need a running back. Cards cover 4.
New Orleans at Seattle: The NCAA has stepped up its investigation into whether Reggie Bush received $280,000 in benefits at USC. I maintain hope that he’ll be forced to reimburse those of us who took him in a Fantasy League draft. Seahawks cover 6 1/2.
ALMOST PERFECT
(work with me)
Last week: 6-5 straight up, 5-6 against the line.
Season totals: Not so hot, not so living.
Specifics: 38-25 straight up, 28-31-4 against the line.
I feel it turning: Or is that the wings I just ate?
Permalink | Comments (46) | Post your comment | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz, Tech / ACC, UGA / SEC
Comments
By Roswell Ed
October 11, 2007 8:24 PM | Link to this
This very well could be the most unfunny article I have ever read.
Can’t you find someone to try your material out on?
Even Vandy’s not candy
What the hell is that.
Explain the organ donor card joke to me. Isn’t that something that the donor produces not receives? I get what you’re trying to do with the joke but it just doesn’t work.
You should say that they will be asking UK fans to fill out the organ donor cards after the UF game. There that works
Do you think you’ll find 5 people in the whole state who will get a George Burns’ 30 yr old reference?
The Bush joke is as lame as well…. REGGIE BUSH.
By Vasily De Efferins
October 11, 2007 8:30 PM | Link to this
Schultz, what the hell are you babbling about?
By Spare the Rod
October 11, 2007 8:38 PM | Link to this
You know, I never watched many Detroit games so Harrington is an unknown to me, but Jezzus H. Keriiist I hope he leads the Falcons to the playoffs just to shut half “wits” like you up, Shultz. Good Lord, you are annoying.
By Jason from Vandy
October 11, 2007 9:34 PM | Link to this
Wow! Is this the best columnist Atlanta has? Talk about corny … geesh!!
By Pitbull
October 11, 2007 10:21 PM | Link to this
I can’t believe I wasted my time reading this garbage
By Marvin Harrison
October 11, 2007 11:07 PM | Link to this
I thought it was hilarious. Great line about T.O.
Amazing how funny it becomes when uga and tech are actually winning games.
Willie Martinez is terrible. He is going to ruin the program.
By michaelgee
October 12, 2007 12:47 AM | Link to this
Shultz, what kind of a saboteur are you trying to be? Do you actually want the Falcons and Petrino to fail? You are an making this second attempt in one week to scuttle the Falcon Club house and now this immature and uninformed story. Why can’t you write something that would demonstrate that you have some kind of intellect vs all of your childish ranting against the Falcons? One would think that your “better half” is dating Petrino with this man crush you have over Bobby Petrino. Would you resign from the ajc if the Falcons beat the Giants??
By Meezy
October 12, 2007 8:47 AM | Link to this
Jeff Schultz is the lamest columnist in America … and he has the haircut to go with it. CUT IT ALL OFF ALREADY!
By LL Cool Scott
October 12, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this
Yeah, Jeff!!! Stop making fun of the Falcons!!! They’ve been a truly exemplary organization the past couple years, and have not looked embarassing at all this year. Why do you have to be so mean…?
(Some of you people are such tremendous dorks. Lighten up and get a sense of humor)
By sigmund freud
October 12, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this
Mr. Shultz: Please call my office and make an appointment. I may be able to help you deal with your Petrinophobia.
By MikeJones
October 12, 2007 9:30 AM | Link to this
You just made my morning… That Falcons paragraph is flat out brilliant..
Thanks Jeff.. No better way to start the day then with a good chuckle.
By jeff
October 12, 2007 9:31 AM | Link to this
did nobody think this article was funny? i thought it was hilarious. you are awesome at writing, just not picking games.
By Rob johnson
October 12, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this
The only reason the Falcons received the monday night billing is “Vick and the Falcons”, much anticipated monday nite appearance, the football public will be greatly disappointed with what the Atlana people call a football team. I was initially on the bang wagon for Vick to go to jail, etc, but then I realized; soldiers are dying in Iraq for no other reason than an idea. I love dogs, but I love people more, the falcons look as they did 30 years ago. So go ahead falcons and disappoint the american public.
By BUSHWACKER
October 12, 2007 10:04 AM | Link to this
Falcons win big, Joey has 4 td passes, 2 to Hot Rod, 2 to crump the grump and J NOR returns a kick for a TD.What the the heck, 55 returns an interception for a td as well!
By voice of reason
October 12, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this
Jeff Schultz “Still an Atlanta resident” what a joke as AJC writer. You and Moore two of a kind.
By Billy
October 12, 2007 10:12 AM | Link to this
Jeff you were the one calling for the Falcons to sign Leftwich. Now what you going to do with him. Blame Petrino and put him on DL. Get a Life!
By Jackets fan
October 12, 2007 10:53 AM | Link to this
All I keep hearing is that the Giants sacked McNabb 12 times a couple weeks ago, and that the Falcons will be starting two new tackles this Monday night, and how that spells doom for the Falcons. It’s been my experience that a lot of times when we start to think something is a lock, it never happens the way we think. Because of that I don’t think the Giants are going to sack Harrington (now Leftwich on the other hand) all night long like they did McNabb. Mostly because I think the Falcons know they have a visible weakness and will scheme themselves some extra help for these tackles, and the Giants, thinking all they need to do is show up with Strahan and Umineyora (spell check said “WTF?!?”) and Harrington will fall down will not scheme to counter the extra blocking the Falcons will have. Net result: only a few sacks for the Giants. All that doesn’t mean the Falcons will win, but I think they will be in this game just as much as they’ve been in every one this season.
By Paul
October 12, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this
What are you people blabbing about? The article was hilarious. Great job Jeff, keep up the creativity.
By Sandy
October 12, 2007 11:44 AM | Link to this
There is at least one moron here still calling for Vick’s return because all he did was kill dogs and we need him to help the Falcons win so Atlanta won’t be embarrassed on Monday Night Football.
Okay, if you looked out the window and your neighbor (known to be a pot head, have ties to illegal gambling, and hang around with known felons) was hanging, electrocuting, and downing dogs, would you let your kids out of the house? Would you even step foot out of the house? I hope not. So, why do you want someone like that to be the face of your city’s pro-football team?
Are you people completely amoral?
By jack
October 12, 2007 11:56 AM | Link to this
I hope one of these players you keep insulting finds you in a dark alley one day. But, I guess your just trying to be funny, right?
By Roswell Ed
October 12, 2007 12:11 PM | Link to this
Sandy,
I couldn’t agree more with you.
These people act like it’s the people that are tired of his antics caused him to be thrown out of the league.
MV7 has no one to blame but himself.
The ha ha ha look what your left with crowd is so f—-ing moronic.
These are the same people who would take their kids to a unchaperoned party at Michael Jacksons.
Heck he’s never been convicted of anything.
By Soryu
October 12, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this
The game aganist Tennessee was pretty embarassing actually.
And more to come—just wait until you see what the Colts do to the dead birds. That is going to be really embarassing.
By Jeff Schultz
October 12, 2007 12:25 PM | Link to this
Roswell Ed … I’ll try to get you a glossary. Then, I’m sure you’ll laugh out loud. Or I can just use smaller words next time. Marvin … Thanks. I think three crummy football teams just has everybody grumpy Michaelgee … Not the former Boston Herald MichaelGee, are you? It’s just satire. It makes no difference to me who wins and loses. Some don’t believe that, but it’s true. LL, Mike, Jeff (not me, I swear) … Thanks for keeping it real. (Did I write that?) Rob … Safe to say the Birds would not have been on MNF if they knew Harrington was the QB. Voice of Reason … Right. People often mix up Terry Moore and I. Anyway … Paul … Thanks, it’s cool. If 50 percent love me, and 50 percent hate me, I’m like a bookie, I live off the “vig.” Sandy … Unfortunately there’s more than one person out there who still thinks Vick should be the quarterback. What’s even scarier is some of those people have a vote in elections. Jack … they won’t have to find me in a dark alley. I go to games and practices and I’m right there if they’ve got something to say.Back later (maybe) Jeff
By yea yea yea
October 12, 2007 12:58 PM | Link to this
Schultz after you got your lunch handed to you on ESPN that day, you should never want to write about Vick again. You were owned . Sandy yo know what you have a great point. I mean if my neighbor is killing dogs then surely he will take my kids and throw them right in there with the dogs. You people are clowns. I like dogs but at the end of the day it is a lot more going on in the world that I care about more than some barking stinking dogs.
By Brendan
October 12, 2007 1:18 PM | Link to this
This affords Harrington job security for somewhere between one possession and four quarters.
Jeff, you nearly made me spill my coffee. I laughed so hard, my colleagues think I’m possessed. Well, okay. They may have thought that BEFORE I read your column. But, at least I had an excuse this time. Keep up the great work.
By Mike
October 12, 2007 1:38 PM | Link to this
Jeff I would think you being a smart guy your wake up and say something supportive to the city. You continue to be an embarssment with your insulting narrow view. If you dislike Atlanta so there are some great one way fares.You are a babbling columnist with no direction. Wise Up
By T.C
October 12, 2007 1:52 PM | Link to this
USA TODAY ANYONE?
By d.j
October 12, 2007 1:58 PM | Link to this
sandy i wonder how perfect your life is seems people like you get upset and mad when someone mention vicks name.why dont you get an attitude of something worth it like soldiers getting killed.people have a right to post what they want just like you.
By Dee
October 12, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this
Whodathunkit? Schultz has a sense of humor. LOL!
By ccj3
October 12, 2007 2:09 PM | Link to this
for all you people who hate when someone mentions vick name and always have to put your 2cents in they post:MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7 MV7.YOUR HATRED WONT DETOUR ME FROM MENTIONING VICK.eat your heart out perfect sandy.
By Roswell Ed
October 12, 2007 2:30 PM | Link to this
Jeff,
I like your work.
Just saying this wasn’t your best effort.
And as for my book learning, I passed Sociology at Auburn. You have to be pretty smart to do that.
WAR EAGLE!!
Go FALCONS!!
Is there any bigger masochist then a 41 yr old native Atlantan that has always been a huge FALCONS FAN?
I still say the biggest mistake the Falcons EVER made was firing DAN REEVES!!!
By 1039 nfl record
October 12, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this
we love you Mike Vick #7. He may be gone but the haters can’t take you from our hearts. Sandy hate The school that don’t let football player at UGA get there Degrees. That what you should be hateing .UGA the school that leaves It players behine! But make Rednecks happy on Saturday. That DAWG should be killed!!
By bye
October 12, 2007 2:37 PM | Link to this
Jeff Schultz get a job you are not even a joke!
By VickBeliever
October 12, 2007 2:54 PM | Link to this
Enough Vick talk. Why don’t you rednecks talk about how awful Joey piano playing Harrington has been.
By J Dawg
October 12, 2007 3:20 PM | Link to this
I notice a common theme among the Vick supporters here…. barely literate.
By jcat
October 12, 2007 3:45 PM | Link to this
jdawg and what are you GOD given to the world.why a person got to be labeled a vick supporter,why they just cant be concerned and having a forgiving heart.
By J Dawg
October 12, 2007 4:24 PM | Link to this
Wow jcat. I hope your post was intended to be joke. If not, then you certainly fall into the barely literate category. Either way I found it to be quite humorous.
By Sandy
October 12, 2007 6:09 PM | Link to this
Thanks, diehard Vick fans, you’ve all confirmed what the sane world has suspected all along.
By Keith S.
October 12, 2007 6:28 PM | Link to this
I can almost see Jeff Shultz hunched over the computer, giggling to himself, as he writes these awful columns. How in the world did the AJC get lucky enough to end up with a talent like Shultz?
By The Realist
October 12, 2007 7:55 PM | Link to this
Uh Sandy, what sane world? Oh, that’s right, outside of dog-killing there aren’t any insane/amoral humans senselessly killing other humans. Well, I guess it’s true that some protests are never really about the crime itself, but show themselves to be expressions of personal prejudices. J Dawg, I’m sure it’ll help you avoid the issues mentioned by filing me under “illiterate Vick supporters,” so have at it. Let it be known, I’m a supporter of the justice & equality that America has yet to show.
By Sandy
October 12, 2007 8:44 PM | Link to this
Gee, Realist, do you think that there will ever come a day when everyone in this country will be free to committ crime without regard to their race, sex, creed, color, nationality, religion, or sexual orientation? Oh yeah, or intelligence. Didn’t want to leave you out.
By Navigator
October 12, 2007 9:04 PM | Link to this
How soon we forget, the Monday night game with Atlanta was for ESPN highlights. Those people didn’t care whether Atlanta was 4-1 or 1-4, and that’s what the team had become. For the guy who wrote about Iraq and dog fighting, you forget the feds were after Vick for carrying his dog show across state lines to perpetrate gambling. Oh yeah, he also flunked the dope test while awaiting sentencing. Man, some people don’t bring much intelligence to blogging.
By UnderDawg
October 12, 2007 9:54 PM | Link to this
Tech, please fire Gailey and offer Willie Martinez the head coaching job so we can hire someone who knows what the hell they are doing.
By UnderDawg
October 12, 2007 10:03 PM | Link to this
I will talk about how awful Harrington has been. He blows goat bawlz. Are you happy now? As a matter of fact, the whole Falcon franchise blows, and has since 1966. One or two “good” seasons does not make a good franchise. If Vick was still here, the team would blow. That’s whats funny about all of you dummys. Vick wasn’t any good. He could run, and he could throw, but he just couldn’t run and throw at the same time. Kinda like some of you Vick supporting idiots that cant walk and chew at the same time.
By Semen-hole Warrior
October 12, 2007 10:42 PM | Link to this
Bobby Bowden stands on the sidelines looking like he is trying to figure out a way not to sh1t his pants on national TV during every game that FSU falls behind in or loses. I know he wants to cuss real bad, but he is afraid ESPN will catch him swearing on TV. FSU BLOWS!! Too bad you’re not playing them now, Tech…it would be a good time to erase that 0-fer that you have against them since 1992.
By hd0054
October 13, 2007 1:18 AM | Link to this
Jeff Schultz is the most irrelevant, unfunny, needlessly employed writer at the AJC. My mistake for thinking I might actually be able to stand reading this column.