AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2006 > December > 14 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USWeekend predictions: Lousy strategy
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Before getting to potentially the dumbest strategic maneuver in the history of professional sports, and also the Falcons, here’s something you might have missed:
In a brilliant move by aquarium officials in China, a 7-foot-9 man with 41.7-inch arms saved two dolphins by pulling pieces of plastic out of their stomachs. Bao Xishun, officially the world’s tallest man, was contacted after veterinarians were unable to remove the plastic with, I guess, short arms and forceps.
It was such an impressive display of natural ability by the herdsman that sources say he was contacted by the Hawks about playing center. But Xishun rejected an offer, telling Billy Knight something in Chinese that translated roughly to, “With Speedy Claxton as my point guard? You are a funny man. Now go away.”
This week, the Falcons meet the Dallas Cowboys. They have let it leak that they are open to using Michael Vick as a running back and Matt Schaub as the quarterback. The fact they let it leak sort of makes you wonder about this plot’s veracity. But let’s go with it. It’s a playoff run.
As the philosopher, Otter, said to fratmates, “I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.” (Bluto’s retort: “And we’re just the guys to do it.”)
Question: What ever happened to just trying to knock guys on their rump roasts?
Another gimmick. Great. It would be smarter having Xishun run a fade route.
Schaub to Vick? I see three possibilities:
1) Somebody gets maimed.
2) Somebody scores a touchdown, which means more screams for Schaub by the redneck quotient (excuse me: Appalachian Americans).
3) Incomplete pass. I see this as the best-case scenario.
Sorry, but I’m just not feeling that bandwagon yet. Cowboys cover 3.
College-free NFL 12-pack
• Eagles at Giants: Thirty-six-year-old Jeff Garcia has eight touchdowns with no interceptions and two sacks in four starts since replacing Donovan McNabb — which shouldn’t suggest Eli Manning will make it out of the parking lot if New York loses this game. Giants win a close one. (Take the geezer and 5 1/2.)
• Bengals at Colts: Deltha O’Neal, the eighth Cincinnati player arrested this season, pleaded not guilty to drunk driving charges, despite having a .10 blood-alcohol level, exceeding the Ohio limit of .08. Turns out the Bengals aren’t just delinquents, they stink in math. On a related note, ESPN submitted the “Playmakers” boxset to the Pulitzer committee. Colts cover 3.
• Dolphins at Bills: Miami has won five of its past six. And for his next trick, Nick Saban is going to teach Mal Moore to bark like a dog. Take the Fins and the gift point.
• Jets at Vikings: I hate to interrupt this Falcons playoff-run euphoria. But if the Vikes win this game, they’re 7-7 with schlock remaining (Packers, Rams). Welcome to the NFC: Dawn of the Dead. Vikes cover 3.
• Steelers at Panthers: Chris Weinke. Sorry. Did you expect more analysis? Steelers win.
• Redskins at Saints: New Orleans will level off eventually. I just never thought eventually would be February. Another win, another cover (9 1/2).
• Jaguars at Titans: Tennessee has won six of eight with Vince Young at quarterback. Is it too early for a 2007 forecast? But a little reality check: Jax wins but won’t cover 3 1/2.
• Broncos at Cardinals: Jay Cutler has been sacked seven times in two games. Used to be, things got better for a quarterback when he left Vanderbilt. But Broncos cover 2 1/2.
• Chiefs at Chargers: LaDainian Tomlinson has scored more touchdowns (29) than 17 teams, and as many or more than 21 offenses. Also, he has overcome Marty Schottenheimer. The 8 1/2 is covered.
• Browns at Ravens: Since allowing 13 points to the Falcons, the Browns have given up 24, 30, 28 and 27. Not sure if Greg Knapp wants that on his Stanford résumé. Ravens cover 11.
• Rams at Raiders: St. Louis linebacker Pisa Tinoisamoa has two broken hands. Might be a good pickup at receiver for the Falcons. Take the Rams and 2 1/2.
• Bucs at Bears: I realize Bruce Gradkowski’s self-esteem already is pretty low, but this is the only game all season in which the Bears will have the edge at QB. The 13 1/2 is covered.
Profitless margin
• Last week: 6-7 straight up (don’t ask); 7-6 against the line.
• Bottoms up: 86-55 straight up, 64-75-2 ATL.
• Coming soon: My friend, the end.
Permalink | Comments (42) | Post your comment | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz
Comments
By BIG BLACK BIRD
December 14, 2006 08:44 PM | Link to this
Redneck quotient? That’s funny. Because after seeing you in the past on SportSouth, I always thought you could be made to “squeal like a pig”.
By Peter
December 14, 2006 08:45 PM | Link to this
Didn’t you just get back from Europe? What was the best meal you had there (that didn’t include goose fat)?
Here’s my question about Xi Shun (he’s a yak herder, can you imagine what the Dolphins thought when they saw that big mo…never mind)
How did they know that he was pulling out the plastic (talk about a gag reflex) and not just Dolphin guts.
I don’t think that the Falcons can cover either of the Cowboys WR’s and Whitten is going to be able to keep Boley busy enough to get him out of the run defense.
Better talent all around and damned sure better coaching.
By REDNECK
December 14, 2006 09:16 PM | Link to this
GO HOME YANKEE YEA YOU JEFF
By STL Falcon
December 14, 2006 10:15 PM | Link to this
This past week, the Bears played St. Louis on Monday night. Our newspaper (Post Dispatch) up here called for a “white out” (they were handing out white t-shirts at the game) and asked for fans to show up and support the clinging-to-playoff-life Rams.
Who owns the AJC and why don’t they support Atlanta sports?
I’ve spent hundreds to go to this game and I have every expectation for a Falcon’s win…because get this…I’m a fan and they are still very much alive.
GO FALCONS
By Steeltown!
December 14, 2006 10:22 PM | Link to this
I hope the Coons win Saturday. Then Mark Bradely can write some stupid article about how the Falcons will be back in the Super Bowl & 20,000 Idiots from the ATL can ask Santa for Super Bowl Tickets. MEMO - FAT CHANCE with that bunch of loser Recievers and a QB that flies around the Field at Light Speed Spraying Balls that Randy Moss couldn’t catch. I think I will go read about the Wisconsin Hunter killing the deer with 7 legs!
By e.b.
December 15, 2006 12:05 AM | Link to this
to the previous poster, nice to know racism is alive and well in America. Congrats!
By Eli
December 15, 2006 12:42 AM | Link to this
STL Fan, the AJC is not a propaganda machine for Atlanta sports teams. If the teams stink (which, outside the Braves, is usually the case), the AJC reports that they stink. When they win and are generating excitement throughout the city, the AJC reports that as well. Columnists like Schultz do not get a paycheck from the Falcons, so why should he feel obligated to say nice things about a franchise that has spent 30+ years spinning its wheels? He’s neither a cheerleader nor a team publicist. I’m a life-long Falcons fan, but I’d rather read about the reality of the situation than a fictional, feel-good version of it. Lord knows the AJC has done enough propaganda work for the White House…no need for them to jump in Arthur Blank’s back pocket as well.
By Najeh Davenpoop
December 15, 2006 01:22 AM | Link to this
Wow, I don’t think I have ever agreed with an AJC columnist the way I just agreed with Jeff Schultz on the Vick-at-RB situation. A risky, low-reward gimmick to appease the redneck crowd? Sounds pretty accurate. I really feel bad for Schaub though, he’s also a very good player who gets unfairly dragged into this bogus quarterback controversy and gets hated on in the process. Why Falcons fans can’t be happy to have an incredibly talented starting QB and a solid backup I have no idea.
And for those who don’t know what the playoff picture looks like, the Falcons can lose to Dallas and still make the playoffs as long as they beat Carolina and Philadelphia, only condition being that Minnesota or New York Giants lose at least once from here on out (which is likely).
By Dab_ff79
December 15, 2006 02:03 AM | Link to this
I wonder how much of Schultz hatred to the Falcons can be attributed to the fact that Mora humiliated him at the presser?
By Nono
December 15, 2006 05:34 AM | Link to this
As a famous actor once said when asked about an impending tragedy Hell no, I think this is going to be our greatest day You watch, its going to be our’s this seasonm after we win Saturday night. I’ve got that feeling inside my stomach and it isn’t those tacos I ate last night. Some how some way the Falcons will take care of business be it ugly or convincing, and this town and team will be brimming with playoff talk and yes it will all of a sudden seem like Christmas——-GO YOU DAMN BIRDS!!!!!!!
By STL Falcon
December 15, 2006 06:27 AM | Link to this
Eli
My friend’s little sister isn’t very good at soccer, but no one in her corner tells her that to “keep it real.” Her Dad realizes the mistakes she’s made all season, and because she is so young she doesn’t necessarily show promise for improvement all the time. He’s still there every week, providing support, cheering, and trying to find the positive because he knows the most important game is the game you play next and there isn’t any reason why she can’t be the hero.
It’s about the love man! Get excited! It’s playoff time and we need a win! Go Falcons!
By Mike J.
December 15, 2006 07:35 AM | Link to this
Jeff - Appalachian State University is playing UMASS tonight in Chattanooga & is trying to repeat as the Division 1-AA National Champion in football. There are 12 Georgians on the team, several playing key roles in the teams success in 2006. Win or lose, it would be great if the largest paper in their home state gave them a litle recognition. I realize this game does not have the same importance locally that a key SEC/ACC/Falcons game would have, but it is a game for a national championship. Hopefully that gets the game a few paragraphs in the best sports page in the southeast tomorrow morning. Thank you!
By Shady
December 15, 2006 07:49 AM | Link to this
Schultz, once again you have proved yourself to be an idiot. “more screams for Schaub by the redneck quotient (excuse me: Appalachian Americans)” Just like corruption and incompetence in politics in bi-partisan, Vick hating is not limited to any particular race. The presumption that all Southerners that have roots here are just a bunch of toothless, hillbilly rednecks is absurd. If someone posted anything similar about African Americans, they would not only be fired, but also tarred and feathered.
By Roger
December 15, 2006 08:01 AM | Link to this
hey Schultz, go write somewhere else,where ever you came from.
By givitabreak
December 15, 2006 09:28 AM | Link to this
I am sick and tired of anyone who says something remotely disparaging about Vick or remotely positive about Shaub that they are called a racist (Shultz included)!!! The problem with the Vick apologists is that they refuse to say anything harsher than “We know Vick isn’t the best QB to ever play the game but,….”. I am not calling for Shaub to play over Vick but Vick does have a little more of the blame than people let on…OK here is where all of you black, white, yellow, green, Sunni, Shiite, Eskimo, Aussie, vegetarian people scream “he said something bad about Vick and then mentioned Shaub’s name he must be a redneck or a racist or maybe even just a mean ole bad person, whaaa whaaa”…get over yourselves and grow a pair how about it!!
By Lee
December 15, 2006 09:36 AM | Link to this
Wow, Schultz, witty as ever. Seriously, how in love with yourself are you?
By Big Daddy in D'ville
December 15, 2006 09:54 AM | Link to this
I don’t know, I think being called an “Appalachian American” has a certain avant-garde ring to it.
By Edd Anderson
December 15, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this
I will be there Saturday pulling for the Falcons. Who cares what some writer says that is less than 50% accurate each week. Let’s see , the Colts, Seahawks and Dallas lost, Hmmm, all were expected to win. Falcons put on a show Falcons 30- Cowboys 17…
By Dano
December 15, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this
Mind Games…nice try Falcons….you leak your “Schaub to Vick” story, then the Cowboys leak:
Bilbo plays Vick The football odyssey of Damarius Bilbo continues. The former Georgia Tech quarterback who was shoehorned into the role of receiver has surfaced this week on the Dallas practice squad. His gifts were put to unusual use this week — imitating Michael Vick in practice as the Cowboys prepared for the Falcons. By next season there may be yet another position change for Bilbo, this one just as radical as the one at Tech. “We might look at him at safety. He’s a big kid, 215 pounds, with great athletic ability. And a pretty smart kid. We might just try him there,” Cowboys coach Bill Parcells said. — Staff writer Steve Hummer contributed to this article
OUGHT TO BE AN INTERESTING GAME….AGAIN I ASK: “WHICH FALCONS WILL SHOW UP ON SATURDAY?”
By TMac
December 15, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this
Can any one remember the year when the Bucks and Ravens won the Super Bowl? They did it with Very Good defenses and a less than dependable QB (much less talented than Mike Vick). It kind of looks like Chicago will take that blueprint to this season’s Super Bowl.
By Charlie
December 15, 2006 10:06 AM | Link to this
Davenpoop…I can’t believe it! I agree with one of your posts!!
NoNo…I hope you’re right and I appreciate your team spirit.
Shultz….STFU! You stereotyping Appalachian Americans (yes, there is such a thing) is just as bad as anyone stereotyping African Americans, American Asians, or the Irish. Everyone is not the same despite the fact they may have the same color skin or come from the same place. A person should look deep in their soul to see what they are…not at their exterior.
By Mullets smell like mold
December 15, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this
The term redneck has been turned into a pejorative by yankee liberals like Jeff as a method of suppression of southern whites. The truth is, redneck is a description for a person who works stooped over so that the sun burns the back of their necks. This is the heart and sole of America, shame on you Jeff. It is absurd to suggest that criticism of Vick is based on race and not on performance. Either you get it done or you do not. If the latter is the case, then the other guy gets a shot. I don’t think that we will ever be able to move beyond these racial insults in order to have a true debate.
By Mullets smell like mold
December 15, 2006 11:40 AM | Link to this
Good thing that Jake Plummer isnt black.
By Mullets smell like mold
December 15, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this
Oops I should have said soul instead of sole.
By beano
December 15, 2006 12:21 PM | Link to this
ESPN just reported on the wire that Jim Mora would not rule out the University of Wasington job, even in the middle of a playoff run. Anyone hearing this on the main press releases. If this is true, he should be canned immediately, especially on the brink of possibly having a chance to beat Dallas and make the playoffs. Put Vick in at RB saturday and the falcons will win; schaub can handle the mop-up job.
By Ronny
December 15, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this
Now Mora is apparently saying his radio comments on the U. of Washington head coaching job were just a joke.I heard the comments made on a Washington radio station, replayed on 790. Sure didn’t sound like a joke to me. He said he would immediately take the U. of Washington job,if it came open. Even if the Falcons were in a play-off situation. This is serious stuff. Something’s not right. Sounds like Mora is deeply stressed— realizing many fans are upset with his coaching performance. And it comes just before the biggest Falcons game of the year!
By Wolfman
December 15, 2006 01:07 PM | Link to this
Jimmy “The smiling little BOY”……….please , please please, take the Washington job. Then we can get a coach in hear who has some frigging discipline , and is not full of excuses and bull%$#&,,,,,,,,,,whenever we stink it up on Sundays.He is gut-less !!!!!!!Do you think he will really out coach THE TUNA tomorrow night …………get real folks !!!!!
By genius3
December 15, 2006 01:10 PM | Link to this
Now it is time to clean house and position the falcons for a big win tomorrow night. Looks like Jim Mora sr was right; vick is a coach killer. Looks like based on Jim Mora jr’s comments, he is willing to take a college job in Wasington in the midst of the playoffs so vick has killed the coach. Only thing is, it really wasn’t vick’s fault. The only way to fix it is to trade for Marcus Vick and put him in at QB and Mike Vick can be a RB. I don’t blame jr Mora, I would take the fastest train out of Atlanta. All of that as it is, the game tomorrow night is big but it is winnable for the falcons. First; fire Mora now and bring back good ole danny reeves to finish out the season. Move Vick to RB and Schaub to QB. Don’t let Deangelo Hall on the field AT ALL! The falcons will win if you do all of these things. The genius has spoken.
By Tu Lee
December 15, 2006 01:22 PM | Link to this
Hey, Lee, Schultz is so in love with himself his hand never leaves his pants. Never.
By Eli
December 15, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this
STL Fan, you’re missing my point. Your friend’s little sister deserves that sort of attention, because she’s a child and has a lot of growing up ahead of her. The Falcons, on the other hand, are run by grownups, not children (despite appearances), and thus deserve every ounce of criticism they get when they fail to produce consistent winners. Those clowns charge a family hundreds of dollars to attend a game, so they’d better expect to have to answer to us when we don’t get our money’s worth. The reason I’m critical of the franchise is because I’ve been a fan my entire life, and I want them to reach a level of consistent success on par with franchises like New England, Denver, Indy, Chicago, etc. Doesn’t make me less of a fan if I’m not 100% supportive of the decisions made by the front office and coaches.
By R. Kelly
December 15, 2006 01:57 PM | Link to this
Man, Marcus Vick is getting a raw deal. He “showers” her with affection and then she wants to play him like that.
By Rick Mayers (Macon)
December 15, 2006 02:19 PM | Link to this
Schultz is a poor excuse for a sports columnists, he said last week the Bucs would beat the Falcons , what a joke he is
By Junkman
December 15, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this
This guy Schultz, is consistent on 2 things:
What a pathetic excuse for a columnist. He’s more like a commentator (all you have to do is have a comment).
AJC should pull his garbage.
By Walton
December 15, 2006 02:57 PM | Link to this
I just got excited when Mora said he was leaving to coach at Washington.
By Jobu
December 15, 2006 03:18 PM | Link to this
Hopefully Schultz will be his usual wrong self when making predictions as most of mine in my pool are opposite of his.
To AJC: Although Schultz thinks he’s a comedian, everyone here knows if someone wrote about ‘Sambo’ or anything remotely close to his stereotype used in this column with regards to another group, the outcry would echo from here to wherever Jesse is hanging out. I could care less and think all this PC whining is ridiculous anyway, but there is a definite double standard in the media in this area (i.e. see Michael Irvin’s comments regarding Tony Romo’s ancestors).
By FalconsFan
December 15, 2006 03:20 PM | Link to this
maybe Mora knows more than we know about his future with the Falcons. Maybe Blank doesn’t like the way he stares at him when he walks the sidelines.
By monk
December 15, 2006 03:31 PM | Link to this
LOL@Shultz. I live in Zone 5 and there isn’t much of a redneck quotient in the 30318-28 area anyway. As far as Schaub is concerned at QB, I don’t want a guy who’s completion % is lower than Vicks and who’s only claim to fame is 1 good half against the Patriots and preseason games from 2 years ago, and not to mention is less mobile behind an inconsistent line with skillet handed receivers, trick play or not…..no thanks.
People do act like Schaub is some Manning like passer when the evidence says he isn’t. Stay on the bench Schaubie and hope you don’t have to get in any games and ruin your trade value, because we need linemen and veterans who can catch. I can’t hate on Schultz for thinking that the backup is serviceable but not all that, because I don’t either. I would rather see the #3 QB get some snaps.
GOOOO FALCONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By kingfish
December 15, 2006 03:51 PM | Link to this
I have a feeling that the Cowboys are going to bury the falcons tomorrow night. As if we didn’t have enough problems on the inside; now it is the Jim Mora revelations. Is anyone surprised at his desire to leave? Would you really want his job in this city? To be a coach and doesn’t even have the authority to sit Vick on the bench when he needs it. All of this stuff is going to be such a distraction that the falcons won’t know whether they are coming or going. Sad commentary on a season that “could have been.” We have so many ailing players (and some of them are going to play anyway and get creamed) that we don’t have a chance. What a bunch of stupid coaches and players; where do we get some intelligence, give me a break! We get rid of a class coach like Dan Reeves and then bring in this collection of misfits, thugs and liars.
By Dion
December 15, 2006 05:20 PM | Link to this
I believe earlier this week Vick stated he’s a QB not a RB, then why does he run so often, I don’t think Vick wants to be at the RB position, because EVERYONE will realize what position he should be playing, Falcons still beat Dallas with no hands receivers, b/c Vick will run and break that record this week!!
By Chandra Simmons
December 15, 2006 05:46 PM | Link to this
I wonder why Schultz show so much hatred to the Atlanta Falcons. I don’t understand how someone can be apart of the AJC and not show any love for the home team. I’m not trying to be disrespectful or anything, but it just makes me wonder… Anyway, I expect a win from the Falcons this weekend. FALCONS ALL THE WAY BABY!!!!
By Chandra Simmons
December 15, 2006 05:50 PM | Link to this
I wonder why Schultz shows so much hatred to the Atlanta Falcons. I don’t understand how someone can work for the AJC and not show any type of love to Atlanta sports teams, especially the Atlanta Falcons. Just last week, he posted an column saying that the Falcons was going to fall in Tampa. But guess what? THEY WON! And they are going to win this week. FALCONS ALL THE WAY BABY!
By falconclaws1221
December 15, 2006 06:48 PM | Link to this
I think shultz played on Hogans Heroes did he not? The IQ level is equvilent; and, By the way he has not heard of the Appalachian American Defemation leaque He will soon.