AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2006 > November > 23
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Dogs will prevail in Athens
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Buuuuuuuuuuuurp. ‘Scuse me.
Welcome to the gluttony post-mortem. If you don’t mind, I’ll just type here from the kitchen floor, where my dog is staring at me, waiting for me to doze off so she can grab the half-eaten sandwich in my bathrobe pocket.
First, congratulations. You made the wise decision not to get up at 4 a.m. so you can get a parking space by 5 a.m. so you can save 37 cents on Play-Doh at 6 a.m. I reward you with this two-step recovery program:
1) “The Detox Diet.” According to an alternative medicine Web site, you begin with lemon juice squeezed into a glass of warm water, followed by a tablespoon of ground flaxseeds in a glass of water. Hmmm. We then move onto: a pear-rice milk-protein powder smoothie for breakfast; steamed broccoli with sesame seeds and beets sprinkled with lemon juice on brown rice for lunch; a milk-thistle supplement for a snack; and finish with curried lentils on quinoa for dinner.
2) Never mind. It’s so hard to get good milk thistle and quinoa these days.
Just sit there. Your layers are there for you. As it turns out, so is your La-Z-Boy. This week in Walnut Creek, Calif., a man was sitting in his recliner when his wife shot him in the head. I’m guessing she was upset that he wouldn’t get up to go Play-Doh shopping.
It turns out the shooter, Jan Kamp — no, Bubba, NOT Jan Kemp! — fired from behind, but the bullet was slowed down by the La-Z-Boy before kissing the back of her hubby’s noggin. He’s fine. She’s in jail. The moral of this story: If your wife is psychotic (duh), hide in you chair but make a sandwich ahead of time because she won’t be around for a while.
Which leads me to Georgia-Georgia Tech. (Blink and you miss the transition). This has been Tech’s season. It hasn’t been Georgia’s season. The problem is that the Trembling Chihuahuas are coming off a bye week, and the light bulb finally went on in Matthew Stafford’s head at Auburn. Tech may win in Jacksonville. But not in Athens. Dogs cover 2.
Full-retail picks
Saints at Falcons: Old Jim Mora called Michael Vick a coach killer, which is sort of amusing given that Old Jim Mora coached 15 seasons in the NFL and won exactly zero playoff games. So if Vick is a coach killer, was Mora a player killer? Falcons are going in the wrong direction. But, I dunno, Pickleface got me all fired up. Birds cover 3.
Notre Dame at Southern Cal: With apologies to the Bud-guzzling blind loyalists in the SEC, these are the only two other teams that have even a slight argument in the BCS title debate. Actually, make that one. Slapping around a good Cal team elevated Troy over the perpetually over- elevated Irish. Trojans win (but won’t cover 7).
LSU at Arkansas: The Piggies have won 10 straight since losing several organs in the opener to Southern Cal, and they have a chance to finish 8-0 in the SEC. People haven’t been this excited since they put a stoplight in Bentonville. Arkansas and 8-0? I need a Tums. On second thought, forget it. Tigers win a pick ‘em.
80 Percent Off!
(Some picks slightly irregular) Wake Forest at Maryland: Ralph Friedgen planned to have a dozen players over for Thanksgiving last night. The Terps’ injury report was being held up, pending the fool who reached for the drumstick. Maryland covers 1 1/2.
South Carolina at Clemson: Welcome to the Akron-Kent State of Southern rivalries. It’s too late for the Tigers to save ACC hopes, but a win keeps alive Tommy Bowden’s first potential 10-win season. On a related note, Steve Spurrier phoned from Coconut Grove to deny the Miami rumors. Tigers cover 5 1/2.
Kentucky at Tennessee: Phil Fulmer criticized officials and was reprimanded because he “violated the Southeastern Conference Code of Ethics.” I seldom take Fulmer’s side. But who even knew the SEC had a Code of Ethics? Vowels cover 19.
Eagles at Colts: I can get past the fact Jeff Garcia is 4-11 as a starter since leaving the 49ers. I can’t get past the fact Philly allowed the Titans to score 31 points last week. I see dead people. Colts cover 9.
Panthers at Redskins: The Redskins have lost five of their past six, and Joe Gibbs all but screamed that the rest of the season will be devoted to player analysis. Let me save him some time: They stink. Panthers cover 4.
Giants at Titans: Tiki Barber blew up after the Giants quit running the ball in a loss to Jacksonville, saying, “I felt insignificant for the first time.” Just wait until his acting career. New York covers 3.
Boo-chip indicators
(Post No Bills)
Last week: 8-3 straight up, 6-5 against the line.
Fiscal season: treading water.
Specifically: 71-38 straight up, 53-55-1 against the line.
Permalink | Comments (64) | Categories: Jeff Schultz, Tech / ACC, UGA / SEC
The guide to Tech, Georgia fans
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Mark Bradley
Herewith we present the seventh installment of the almost-annual Field Guide to Tech and Georgia Fans. Read on and see if you recognize yourself. Or your idiot neighbor.
• Tech fans hope to see a victory in Jacksonville next week. Georgia fans hope to see a victory in Jacksonville again this century.
• The Tech fan’s biggest fear: Matthew Stafford has three more years of eligibility. The Georgia fan’s biggest fear: Reggie Ball is about to complete his eligibility.
• Tech fans wouldn’t trade Jon Tenuta for all of Georgia’s assistant coaches combined. Georgia fans would.
• Tech fans worry that their program’s worst-in-the-ACC graduation rate will sully the Institute’s image as an academic school. Georgia fans worry that concern over their program’s worst-in-the-SEC graduation rate will turn UGA into an academic school.
• Tech fans refer to Georgia as “UGAG.” Georgia fans refer to Bobby Dodd Stadium as “U-G-L-Y.”
• Tech fans really like their new athletics director. Georgia fans really liked their old athletics director.
• Tech fans are happy with the way Mansfield Wrotto has represented the Institute on and off the field. • Georgia fans are happier when Joe Tereshinski III does his representing off the field.
• Tech fans believe AJC endorsement of their team is long overdue. Georgia fans believe the AJC should be run by Sonny Perdue.
• The Tech fan’s favorite memory of Georgia’s season: Kentucky tearing down one set of goalposts. The Georgia fan’s favorite memory of Tech’s season: Clemson’s backs tearing through Tenuta’s defense.
• Tech fans believe this is the Jackets’ best chance of beating Georgia since the year 2000. Georgia fans believe this is Tech’s last chance to beat the Bulldogs until the year 3000.
• Tech fans are starting to reassess their opinion of Chan Gailey. Until the Bulldogs won at Auburn, Georgia fans were starting to reassess their opinion of Mark Richt.
• Tech fans are distressed when the ball is thrown to anyone other than Calvin Johnson. Georgia fans are distressed when the ball is thrown to any receiver who’s apt to drop it, which is to say any receiver on the roster.
• For once, Tech fans are excited about recruiting. As ever, Georgia fans are more excited about recruiting than about their actual team.
• Tech fans love to hear the band strike up the Budweiser song after the third quarter. Georgia fans hated it when Michael Adams tried to strike down the widespread consumption of Budweiser on game days.
• Tech fans wish their team would make more field goals. Georgia fans wish Vanderbilt had missed that field goal.
• The Tech fan’s favorite Hall: KaMichael. The Georgia fan’s favorite Hall: Butts-Mehre Heritage.
• The Tech fan’s worst-case scenario: The Chick-fil-A Bowl. The Georgia fan’s best-case scenario: The Chick-fil-A Bowl.
• Tech fans will celebrate the 100th birthday of Bobby Dodd Stadium in 2013. Georgia fans did not celebrate when Tennessee hung half a hundred on the Sanford Stadium scoreboard.
• Some Tech fans cringe when influential booster Taz Anderson criticizes the program. Some Georgia fans cringed when influential booster Don Leebern set up housekeeping with the gymnastics coach.
• Tech fans enjoy seeing the Rambling Wreck motor onto the field. Georgia fans would rather drink motor oil than see the Jackets celebrate between the hedges Saturday.
Permalink | Comments (95) | Categories: Mark Bradley, Tech / ACC, UGA / SEC
