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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Iron logic: Steelers win Sunday
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Two high school students face felony charges in Syracuse this week after sharing a marijuana-laced brownie with a teacher. That represents a significant increase in punishment from what I can remember of sentencing guidelines growing up in L.A., when I believe it got you extra credit.
This makes two straight weeks I’m leading with a marijuana story, on the heels of last week’s Spicoli Burgers in New Mexico. But it’s so much more fun than, say, considering the plight of 300-pound schlemiels who take steroids even though they know they’re going to get drug-tested in training camp.
And speaking of Matt Lehr: Steroids are supposed to make you better, right? Because, like, it’s one thing to get caught, it’s another to have it announced two days after your quarterback was sacked seven times and is left looking like the offspring of a crash-test dummy.
So. The bad news is, the Falcons lost a starting offensive lineman. But the good news is, the Falcons lost a starting offensive lineman.
This week, they face the Pittsburgh Steelers. Michael Vick has a bad hip and shoulder. His chest hurts. His hair hurts. His left arm was amputated Tuesday. But if recent game plans are any indication, that shouldn’t be an issue.
Fortunately, nothing seems to be wrong with Vick’s vocal cords. He was critical of the team’s offense this week and noted what we’ve stated in the past — that he was more productive under Dan Reeves.
“Coach Reeves, he believed in me and gave me a chance to throw the football,” Vick told HBO.
All-righty then. Offensive line: can’t block, doesn’t know how to cheat. Defensive line: banged up. Receivers: duh. Quarterback: not happy, happy. Offensive coordinator: looks in need of a brownie.
The line says Steelers by 1 1/2. Logic says: flogging. Pitt covers. Between Tech at Clemson: The Jackets are ranked 13th by humans but only 22nd by computers. Isn’t that like Geek-on-Geek crime? (Oh, sit down, Poindexter.) Win this week and even HAL-9000 respects them. The Tigers look like Godzilla statistically, but so would you if five of your wins came over Florida Atlantic, North Carolina, Louisiana Tech, Wake Forest and Temple. What happened — couldn’t get the Academy of Culinary Arts on the schedule? Grab the eight — and gimme Tech in an upset.
Lowbred Bowl: Jackie Sherrill is long gone, and all Missy State is left with is a grease spot and an 8-21 record under Sylvester Croom. In Athens, it just feels like 8-21. It took a loss to Vanderbilt for Mark Richt to conclude: “Joe Tereshinski. OK, not so good.” Hello, Matthew Stafford. Again. Fortunately, Shreveport can be a magical place around the holidays. Trembling Chihuahuas win. But no way am I giving 18 1/2.
Miami at Duke: Donna Shalala doesn’t watch the tape of the fight but claims she’s taking this seriously by making players miss the Duke game. Of course, almost everybody will be back for the Georgia Tech game. Take away the dress, you have Bobby Bowden. Leading with my heart: Give me the 17 1/2. Performance enhancing picks Panthers at Cincinnati Dept. of Corrections: A meeting of two hot teams. The Panthers have won four straight. The Bengals haven’t had anybody arrested since breakfast. Carolina wins this straight up but jump on the 3 1/2.
Packers at Dolphins: Brett Favre says the NFL “turned its back” on Koren Robinson because the league dared suspend a player who has had multiple alcohol and drug issues and most recently was arrested for DUI and a high-speed chase. Question: Would he be so compassionate if he had another receiver to throw to? Fins covers 4 1/2.
Skins at Colts: Peyton Manning has 28 TDs and four interceptions in his past 10 games vs. NFC teams. Toss that one out as a pickup line tonight and, trust me, you are so in. Oh yeah, I’ve got your Fantasy League. Indy covers 9.
Cardinals at Raiders: In case you missed it, the Bears are EXACTLY who Dennis Green thought they were. For that matter, so are the Cardinals. Take the Raiders and three — and they lose the goose egg.
Toteboard
Last week: 11-0 straight up, 9-2 against the line (I’m lying. But I’m sensitive and enjoy walks in the soft summer rain.).
Fine! 7-4 straight up, 4-7 against the line.
Bottom line: 45-18 straight up, 33-29-1 against the line.
Annual profits: shrinking.
Permalink | Comments (68) | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz
Life in the fast lane
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Mark Bradley
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a car guy. I’ve never driven a stick. I’ve never changed the oil. The one other time I’d been in an automobile traveling 100 mph was when my mother — yes, my mother — decided to see how fast the family’s new Delta 88 could go on a deserted parkway in western Kentucky.
But there I was Thursday, riding with Tony Stewart, the two of us — one of us willingly, the other not so much — doing 170 around Atlanta Motor Speedway. And here I’m supposed to describe how it felt: Three seconds in, it felt the way you feel in those final moments before you actually throw up.
Five seconds in, I was reaching for the door handle. (There wasn’t one, so I wound up grabbing two metal bars and squeezing.)
Ten seconds in, I was thinking the night I rode with colleague Mike Knobler to the Champs Sports Bowl wasn’t so harrowing after all.
I should mention that this riding-with-Tony thing wasn’t exactly my idea — we have these editors, see — and at no time do I recall saying, “Yeah, I’ll do it.” I just couldn’t think of a good way to say no. So it was with more than my usual trepidation that I reported to AMS, and keen-eyed observers — i.e., everybody else on hand — noted my unease. Being great humanitarians, they went out of their way to heighten it.
“I’ve never ridden with a driver,” said Ed Clark, the president of AMS. “If I go out [meaning, like, die], I want to be driving.”
“I’ve done it once,” said Chuck Dowdle of WSB. “I won’t do it again.”
Duly cheered, I put on the coveralls — “That’s for if you catch on fire,” said AJC deputy managing editor Don Boykin, not at all helpfully — and the white “head sock” and the helmet. And then I was sitting alongside Tony Stewart, who seemed in a good mood. (For this, if nothing else, I was happy. I’ve covered just enough NASCAR to know you don’t want to be around Stewart when he’s cross.)
“I hope you’re good at this,” I said.
“It’s his first time on the track,” said Jeff Salter of the Richard Petty Driving Experience, who was strapping me in.
“They haven’t fired me yet,” Stewart said.
“I’ve ridden with my 16-year-old daughter going down I-75,” I said, making conversation.
“Then this won’t be nearly as scary,” Stewart said.
Tony Stewart is a very good driver and a very bad liar. We took off and made for Turn 1 — made straight for yonder wall, it looked to me — and it felt as if someone was shoving my lungs into the back seat. (There’s no back seat, either.) Everybody waiting to ride had been talking about G-forces, and now I was thinking, “G whiz.” Or words to that effect.
Not to spoil anyone’s breakfast, but a stomach revolt seemed a distinct possibility. (Trying to plan ahead, I’d eaten almost nothing.) We whipped into Turn 2, and I was ready to close my eyes the way I do on those mild rides I agree to try at Disney World. (I don’t even attempt the roller coasters.) But, for reasons still unclear, I kept looking.
The ride got smoother on the back straightaway, the G-forces abating a bit and my innards settling down. By the time we passed the pits, I’d collected myself enough to think, “Two laps to go. I might make it.”
The second lap was better than the first. By now I was alert enough to note how close we were to the wall. (Very.) The third lap, because it was the last, was the best of all. I felt exhilarated when Stewart geared down to end our little excursion, not because I’d been in a car going really fast but because I’d been in a car going really fast and now I was about to get out of it.
I shook Stewart’s hand twice. I slithered through the window. To my utter shock, I didn’t get wobbly-legged. Everybody wanted to know how it felt. I said, “It felt different ways at different times.”
“Can you imagine doing that for 320 laps?” said Marcy Scott, an AMS publicist. I couldn’t. Nothing against my expert chauffeur, but I couldn’t imagine riding another 3.2 seconds in that car. If I could title the experience, I’d steal the one from David Foster Wallace’s famous essay about his time on a cruise ship:
A supposedly fun thing I’ll never do again.
Permalink | Comments (18) | Categories: Mark Bradley
Should Knapp’s days be numbered?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Mark Bradley
It hasn’t been the best week — or month, or year — for Greg Knapp. His offense has managed seven touchdowns in five games. His passing offense is statistically the NFL’s worst. (His rushing offense, by way of contrast, is the league’s best, but somehow we never give him credit for that, believing it to be more a function of Alex Gibbs and his cut-blocking.)
The receivers can’t catch. The quarterback, who was a good enough passer under the previous regime, can’t throw. And surely the Falcons’ high-profile owner is beginning to wonder why all this high-falutin’ talent — Pro Bowl quarterback, Pro Bowl running back, Pro Bowl tight end, three wide receivers who were No. 1 picks — is availing his franchise so little.
And if that wasn’t enough, the Arizona Cardinals and the Baltimore Ravens set a dangerous dual precedent this week. (Dangerous if you’re Knapp.) They fired their offensive coordinators not halfway into the season.
Could something similarly sudden happen here? I wouldn’t have thought so a month ago, but I wouldn’t rule it out today. Arthur Blank didn’t buy all this talent to watch it go three-and-out.
Permalink | Comments (183) | Categories: Mark Bradley, Quick Hit
