AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2006 > September > 21 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USAl-Jazeera covers game, Falcons cover spread
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
It has been a big week outside the NFL, which is never good news because the NFL doesn’t like to be upstaged and therefore may buy the planet one day and put an end to this.
First, Reggie Bush vehemently denied a report that he, his family and his Labrador’s three servants received over $100,000 in cash and benefits from agents, commenting: “I did not inhale. Wait, wrong statement.”
Then Tiger Woods vehemently denied a report that his wife, Elin, had ever posed nude, and I’ve got to back him up on this because, I mean, my neighbor knows a guy who has been Googling for months. (What are you looking at?)
Then came Wednesday, when Venezuela President Hugo Chavez called former Texas Rangers owner George Bush “the devil,” perhaps not realizing Bush was gone before the Rangers gave Alex Rodriguez a $252-million contract, which of course led to the downfall of both the Rangers and this country.
Which leads me to the Falcons-Saints game. (Attention, aspiring journalists: Transitions are for wimps.) The teams meet Monday night in the first game in the Superdome since Hurricane Katrina.
Over 1,000 media credentials have been issued, including, and I’m not making this up, one to Al-Jazeera’s Washington bureau. Can’t wait to read his lead. “Michael Vick and his band of Falcon infidels destroyed other cowards named Saints. But we still don’t like Greg Knapp.”
The Saints are 2-0. That’s nice. But they’ve beaten the Browns and Packers, the Rice and Temple of the NFL. Falcons-Saints games tend to be close. But three points? Please. Go ahead and inhale. Falcons cover easily.
Thank you sir, may I have another?
(What is this? Punch a clown week?)
• Buffs and Bowsers: Colorado used to be really good. It was right about the time Bill McCartney was preaching morality while his players were having keg parties with his daughter and playing pingpong in Hades. Now, the team is 0-3 and boring. Might as well be Mississippi State. Georgia wins. But forget covering 27.
• Buffalo (the city) at Auburn: I have a preseason annual that ranked Buffalo 119th in the nation. I’m assuming that 9-3 opener over Temple doesn’t change much, but I’m a sucker for a double whopper spread: 42! No cover for Auburn, either.
• Kentucky at Florida: The Gators will be without defensive tackle Marcus Thomas, who tested positive for marijuana. On a related note, Florida plans to locate the 12 students who aren’t getting high. Gators cover 23 1/2.
• Florida Atlantic at South Carolina: FAU has been outscored 147-14 in three games. This is like an HGH smoothie for Steve Spurrier’s ego. The 29 is covered.
• Tobacco Road Kill: Do N.C. State, UNC(le) and Duke still play football? Or are Chuck Amato, John Bunting and Ted Roof just warming the crowd for the dancing elephants? Duke is off this week, but here’s a Daily Double: Clemson (16 1/2 over Heels) and Boston College (7 over Wolfies) both cover.
NFL five pack
• Panthers at Bucs: One team is going to be 0-3, assuming they don’t collide during the opening kickoff and lapse into simultaneous unconsciousness, the odds of which have dropped to 5-2. Carolina covers 3.
• Titans at Dolphins: Kerry Collins had a 1.3 rating in last week’s 40-7 loss to San Diego. That’s nothing. He blew a 1.4 during a traffic stop once. Miami covers 11.
• Packers at Lions: Is it just me or was Brett Favre better when he was addicted to Vicodin? (Sorry. Old line. New fall schedule starts next week.) Detroit covers 6.
• Bengals at Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger didn’t look ready to play Monday night. The rolling IV cart was a dead giveaway. Take Cincinnati and 2 — and in a straight upset.
• Giants at Seahawks: Deion Branch makes his debut in a Seattle uniform, which is really key because, like, he’s on my Fantasy League team. Seattle by 79.
Financial report • Last week: 8-4 straight up, 6-6 against the line.
• Gross: 23-7 straight up, 19-11 against the line.
• Weekend Predictions Book Club: Buy three selections and win either a unicorn or a copy of, “Tiger Woods’ Great Locker Room Pep Talks At The Ryder Cup.”
Permalink | Comments (27) | Post your comment | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz, UGA / SEC
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By neworleanssaintsguy
September 22, 2006 12:02 AM | Link to this
Hey Jeff, I’m amazed that you somehow find the Saints’ two road victories over Cleveland and Green Bay to be of no merit because they are both 0-2. Drop the hubris and note that the Falcons’ two wins also came against winless teams. Tampa Bay lost what, 26-0 to Baltimore? Carolina scored only 13 at Minnesota. Hardly Super Bowl competition, regardless of perenially impossible and far off the mark pre-season NFL predictions by the football cognoscenti. In short, Jeff I’ll take the three.
By neworleanssaintsguy
September 22, 2006 12:03 AM | Link to this
Hey Jeff, I’m amazed that you somehow find the Saints’ two road victories over Cleveland and Green Bay to be of no merit because they are both 0-2. Drop the hubris and note that the Falcons’ two wins also came against winless teams. Tampa Bay lost what, 26-0 to Baltimore? Carolina scored only 13 at Minnesota. Hardly Super Bowl competition, regardless of perenially impossible and far off the mark pre-season NFL predictions by the football cognoscenti. In short, Jeff I’ll take the three.
By Brian
September 22, 2006 12:47 AM | Link to this
Believe me, if Carolina and Tampa faced both the Browns and Packers, they’d be 2-0 as well. Face it, Tampa and Carolina are much better competition than the sad sack Browns who has NO trend of success this millennium and the Packers who competed for the #1 pick in the 2006 NFL Draft.
I’m not sure about this game, but like I’ve said plenty of times, the Falcons are the better team whether we win or lose. This is just a trap game the NFL gave the Falcons because if there’s one team the Saints fans take pleasure in beating the most in the NFL, it’s the Falcons. We have better quarterbacks, tight ends, running backs, fullbacks, offensive lineman, defensive lineman, safeties, corners, linebackers, and coaches. We’re just flat out the better team.
I’d stay away from that point spread though! I want NO part of it…
By IceColdATlien
September 22, 2006 12:47 AM | Link to this
You think the Ohio Pussycats are gonna roll into Pitt-town and win straight-up after the Steelettos got Jag-ed on Monday night? Well, now that I think about it… you’re still more off than KKK (Kan’t-Kick-Koenen)!
That being said, you’re right about the Jack-Knife Crew (ATL’s D-line of Jackson-Abraham-Coleman-Kerney) destroying Breeze, McBushwacked,and the rest of the ‘Aints.
By IceColdATlien
September 22, 2006 12:47 AM | Link to this
You think the Ohio Pussycats are gonna roll into Pitt-town and win straight-up after the Steelettos got Jag-ed on Monday night? Well, now that I think about it… you’re still more off than KKK (Kan’t-Kick-Koenen)!
That being said, you’re right about the Jack-Knife Crew (ATL’s D-line of Jackson-Abraham-Coleman-Kerney) destroying Breeze, McBushwacked,and the rest of the ‘Aints.
By The Grinch
September 22, 2006 12:55 AM | Link to this
I agree this definitely has the makings of a trap game; the entire country will be rooting for the Saints and if the Falcons win they’ll probably all get lynched during the post-game riot. That said, they’re a hell of a lot better team and should still pull it off.
By Dominic Hughes
September 22, 2006 01:39 AM | Link to this
I’m glad the Saints are back in New Orleans and I’m sure the crowd will be pumped. Right up until the Falcons’ opening scoring drive. Sentimentality only goes so far. Falcons should win this and cover easily. The Saints 0-2 record is a mirage that will soon fade.
By This gets old
September 22, 2006 01:53 AM | Link to this
Now I’m just wondering..if one of the DB’s or LB’s steals a pass will Al-Jazeera demand that their hands be cut off?
By Spike Lee
September 22, 2006 03:54 AM | Link to this
Please watch my HBO Documentary debuting Friday, September 29th, “After The Whoopin: A Requiem In 4 Quarters” Part one begins with disillusioned New Orleans fans going batty and lifting umbrellas after a Drew Brees-Reggie Bush 27 yard screen pass gives the Saints an early 7-0 lead. Things go wrong, horribly wrong, after Gravy Jackson scoops up ‘Dropping A’ Deuce McAllister’s fumble and rumbles 2-yards (The only fumble return in recorded history that actually takes a whole quarter to execute) and gives Atlanta a 10-7 halftime lead. Interviews with people who blame Katrina and Dubya for not having worked in 13 years, find that these beleagured citizens heard explosions right before halftime. Was it Gravy Jacksons ample bosom they heard collapsing in the end zone?….or the GOVERNMENT…exploding the 2000 NFC West Championship plaque, located in the luxury box urinal. (Cue very bad jazz music)
Ray Nagin:” What I find odd….is that Atlanta is owned by a white man, coached by a white man, and has a white man as its GM…and always beats a team whose city is majority…African-American.”(Cue even worse jazz music)
Michael Vick throws three touchdown passes in a game for the first time in his career, and Warrick Dunn floods the Superdome turf for 200 yds rushing and a touchdown, as the Falcons complete a 48-14 levee bursting on the Saints.
Local(???) resident:” The Saints have done NOTHIN for New Orleans….especially black people..just like FEMA. Ive been living in the Four Seasons hotel in New York for a damn year, and Im sick of filet mingnon, if I was white Id get at least a bottle of Dom…well..at least Aaron Brooks is gone.” (Cue a local(???) musician(????????)playing out of a cardboard paper towel roll, wearing a paper bag…as an overhead shot of Michael Haynes running down the sideline in the 1991 Wild Card game slowly fades on the screen, while the slightly edited voice of Kanye West proclaims “Sean Payton dont care about black people”
The End 40 Yards and a Vick Touchdown production By Any Means Necessary
By Spike Lee
September 22, 2006 03:56 AM | Link to this
Please watch my HBO Documentary debuting Friday, September 29th, “After The Whoopin: A Requiem In 4 Quarters” Part one begins with disillusioned New Orleans fans going batty and lifting umbrellas after a Drew Brees-Reggie Bush 27 yard screen pass gives the Saints an early 7-0 lead. Things go wrong, horribly wrong, after Gravy Jackson scoops up ‘Dropping A’ Deuce McAllister’s fumble and rumbles 2-yards (The only fumble return in recorded history that actually takes a whole quarter to execute) and gives Atlanta a 10-7 halftime lead. Interviews with people who blame Katrina and Dubya for not having worked in 13 years, find that these beleagured citizens heard explosions right before halftime. Was it Gravy Jacksons ample bosom they heard collapsing in the end zone?….or the GOVERNMENT…exploding the 2000 NFC West Championship plaque, located in the luxury box urinal. (Cue very bad jazz music)
Ray Nagin:” What I find odd….is that Atlanta is owned by a white man, coached by a white man, and has a white man as its GM…and always beats a team whose city is majority…African-American.”(Cue even worse jazz music)
Michael Vick throws three touchdown passes in a game for the first time in his career, and Warrick Dunn floods the Superdome turf for 200 yds rushing and a touchdown, as the Falcons complete a 48-14 levee bursting on the Saints.
Local(???) resident:” The Saints have done NOTHIN for New Orleans….especially black people..just like FEMA. Ive been living in the Four Seasons hotel in New York for a damn year, and Im sick of filet mingnon, if I was white Id get at least a bottle of Dom…well..at least Aaron Brooks is gone.” (Cue a local(???) musician(????????)playing out of a cardboard paper towel roll, wearing a paper bag…as an overhead shot of Michael Haynes running down the sideline in the 1991 Wild Card game slowly fades on the screen, while the slightly edited voice of Kanye West proclaims “Sean Payton dont care about black people”
The End 40 Yards and a Vick Touchdown production By Any Means Necessary
By Brian
September 22, 2006 05:30 AM | Link to this
I’ll be at the game wearing a Crumpler jersey, so I may not make it back to Atlanta.
But at least I’ll see the Falcons go to 3-0 because I think we have the pair necessary to play Falcons football amongst the events and emotion surrounding the game.
Two wins out of the gate against opponents with high expectations is wonderful. On Monday, we find out if we meet the mark of a good team - WE WIN THE GAMES WE SHOULD WIN. Falcons move to 3-0, and on Tuesday the rest of the US will start to realize how legitimate this team is.
By Chris
September 22, 2006 07:00 AM | Link to this
Schultzey, haven’t you ready the op-ed pages in this paper. YOU WORK FOR THE AL JAZEERA CONSTITUTION!! What did you think AJC stood for? But you are my favorite sports writer (which is to say you’re not T. Moore). Good column, good humor, and Falcons 3-0.
By sharon
September 22, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this
Spike Lee that was very amusing.
By bushwacker
September 22, 2006 10:28 AM | Link to this
I thought I was the only one who noticed the Saints have beat the 2 worse teams in the NFL while the Falcons MAN HANDLED 2 of the best teams. I feel bad for the people of New Orleans but the Falcons are going to put a real BEAT DOWN on the Saints cause Vick is going to get stupid Monday night.
By Not-A-Blogger
September 22, 2006 11:01 AM | Link to this
One thing that is not being mentioned is how important a Falcons victory could be in this game: three and oh in the DIVISION, with only three games left. A win will be huge.
By bushwacker
September 22, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this
Hey neworleanssaintsguy , you only have to hoit send once. I predict Falcons cover by 33!
By Edgar
September 22, 2006 12:00 PM | Link to this
This one concerns me. Remember Seattle last year? So we go two games and then hire a kicker. Now we feel like we’re invincable? Could happen. I hate to say it but an upset is likely if we go into this game with any feeling close to last year’s Seahawks game.
By William Kitchens
September 22, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this
Hey Spike… I’ve got the TiVo set
By BirdBrain
September 22, 2006 04:00 PM | Link to this
Super Doom Baby…Atlanta University 34 A’ints 10
By Big Bree
September 22, 2006 04:19 PM | Link to this
Why did they build the Superdome back up for the FALCONS to go and tear it back down again??
Birds 37, Stanks 13
By Big Bree
September 22, 2006 04:19 PM | Link to this
Why did they build the Superdome back up for the FALCONS to go and tear it back down again??
Birds 37, Stanks 13
By Big Bree
September 22, 2006 04:20 PM | Link to this
Why did they build the Superdome back up for the FALCONS to go and tear it back down again??
Birds 37, Stanks 13
By BIG BILL
September 22, 2006 11:23 PM | Link to this
I REALLY FEEL SORRY FOR DIRTY BIRD FANS. THEY HAVE A TEAM WITH A QUARTERBACK THAT IS SIMILAR TO THE “STRAW MAN” IN THE “WIZARD OF OZ”. IF HE ONLY HAD A BRAIN. THE SAINTS WILL PACK THE BOX WITH 8 OR 9 DEFENDERS AND DARE MIKE “NO BRAINS” TO BEAT THEM BUT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. SHUT DOWN THE RUN AND YOU SHUT DOWM THE BIRDS. THEY ARE ONE DIMENSIONAL. YOU SIMPLY PINCH THE ENDS FORCE EVERYTHING INSIDE AND RUN BLITZ ON EVERY DOWN AND VIC DOES NOT HAVE THE INTELLIGENCE OR ACCURACY TO BEAT YOU WITH HIS PASSING. PREDICTION SAINTS 37 FALCONS 14.
By BIG BILL
September 22, 2006 11:23 PM | Link to this
I REALLY FEEL SORRY FOR DIRTY BIRD FANS. THEY HAVE A TEAM WITH A QUARTERBACK THAT IS SIMILAR TO THE “STRAW MAN” IN THE “WIZARD OF OZ”. IF HE ONLY HAD A BRAIN. THE SAINTS WILL PACK THE BOX WITH 8 OR 9 DEFENDERS AND DARE MIKE “NO BRAINS” TO BEAT THEM BUT IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. SHUT DOWN THE RUN AND YOU SHUT DOWM THE BIRDS. THEY ARE ONE DIMENSIONAL. YOU SIMPLY PINCH THE ENDS FORCE EVERYTHING INSIDE AND RUN BLITZ ON EVERY DOWN AND VIC DOES NOT HAVE THE INTELLIGENCE OR ACCURACY TO BEAT YOU WITH HIS PASSING. PREDICTION SAINTS 37 FALCONS 14.
By BIG BILL
September 22, 2006 11:31 PM | Link to this
PREDICTION: MIKE “I SCORED A 4 ON THE WONDERLIC TEST” VIC GETS KNOCKED OUT IN THE FIRST QUARTER AND IS OUT FOR THE SEASON. TOO BAD TOO SAD. BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR FALCON FANS.
THE SAINTS 45 THE FALCONS 0
By go2guy
September 23, 2006 12:05 AM | Link to this
Big Bill needs to put down his XBox controller(lol)! What about Mr. Drew Please don’t throw the ball toward DHall!!! How bout putting them on the gurney Kerney!!! What were they thinkin single covering Jenkins! Dunn ran 4 anutha 1! Falcons put Mora beat downs on the Ain’ts! Drew this option up while he Knapped! Keep fillin the Blank! Shall I go any further?
By dirrtybird
September 23, 2006 12:39 AM | Link to this
Big Bill,
You think the Saints were the first team to figure out that the Falcons wanted to run the ball? Please stack the box and “simply” pinch the ends. Please.