AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2006 > September > 07 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USWeekend predictions: Birds upstage panda
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Before getting to this week’s blue-chip indicators, this update from the Weekend Predictions Animal Planet, a disturbed subsidiary of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, which Thursday devoted 7,000 column inches to a panda bear’s artificial love child. (Coming next week: Itsy Bitsy Spider denies eating disorder. Also, Lun Lun fumes while Yang Yang claims he and Paris Hilton are “just friends.”)
An actual factual: A cow in Harriet, Ark., this week gave birth to her fourth set of triplets. “Faith” has now given birth to 22 calves over nine pregnancies, which is believed to be a record in Arkansas, which of course doesn’t have an NBA team.
“She is huge before giving birth,” said Jenny Williams, the cow’s owner. “We can tell if she will have twins or triplets by her size.”
There was absolutely no reason for me to use that quote, except that it created the easiest transition to Grady Jackson and Falcons of lesser girth.
It’s the first week of the NFL season, and the Falcons open in Carolina. According to several publications, the Panthers already have made it to this year’s Super Bowl, and lead 13-10 at halftime.
OK. They’re good. But if they’re not missing Steve Smith, it’s because he’ll be running pass routes with three layers of duct tape wrapped around his hamstrings. That should make things easier on Falcons cornerback DeAngelo Hall, who I think expects to be inducted into the Hall of Fame by Week 6. (If Hall pats himself on the back one more time, he’s going to tear a rotator cuff.)
Carolina likely will have to depend more on its running game, which is where the 674-pound Jackson should help. He steps into a spot previously occupied by nobody.
The Falcons are getting five points. Take them as a gift. They should be able to run. Michael Vick also has looked more under control of late. Maybe he just hadn’t heard the news about the panda. The season starts with an upset. Grab the points, but Falcons win this straight up.
Faber College (Where Knowledge is Good) Georgia at South Carolina: Matthew Stafford probably won’t start, but then nobody even thought he would play last week. Then Mark Richt discovered that everybody else pretty much stinks. But see, if Richt can’t figure out his quarterback rotation, there’s no way Steve Spurrier can defend it. Wait, that didn’t come out right. Georgia barely covers 3 (final score: 6-2).
Samford at Tech: The schedule goes from college football’s most storied program (Notre Dame) to Alabama’s Lollipop Guild (Samford and Troy). Welcome to Chan Gailey’s nightmare. Anything less than twin dismemberings and the questions start all over. No official line. So let’s say, Jackets by 18 2/3.
Ohio State at Texas: Jim Tressel claimed he voted Texas No. 1 in the USA Today Weasel Coaches Poll, which seemed noble, until USA Today reported Tressel actually voted his own team No. 1. It was the paper’s greatest journalistic moment, eclipsing the previous high: the color weather map. Fact is, neither of these teams should be sniffing No. 1. But for now: Take the Buckeyes and 2 1/2, and in a straight upset.
Duke at Wake Forest: Something is wrong when Wake Forest is a 19 1/2-point favorite. Duke just got shut out by a I-AA team (Richmond). Ted Roof has managed the impossible: He lowered the standards of Duke football. Wake big (but won’t cover).
Mississippi State of Confusion: Sylvester Croom lost his starting quarterback in the first game, so he has moved a starting wide receiver to backup QB. Maybe it’s time to schedule a game against Duke. Auburn covers 20.
NFL Five Pack (I drank one)
Manning Bowl: The last time Eli beat Peyton in anything was a pickup basketball game. I’m guessing that won’t make a difference when his team is unmasked as another creation of the New York media. Colts cover 3 1/2.
Chargers at Raiders: Oakland signed Jeff George, then cut him four days later. Sorry, too late. It’s sort of like a guy drinking 17 beers, spotting Rosie O’Donnell across the room and saying, “Wow, she’s hot.” Can’t take it back. And the Raiders just confirmed the obvious. San Diego covers the trey.
Cowboys at Jaguars: Terrell Owens hasn’t played a game in over 10 months. No wonder he’s been low-keying his return. That was a joke. Jags win but take the Pokeys and 2 1/2.
Eagles at Texans: When Philly makes the playoffs and Dallas doesn’t, will Owens say, “This wouldn’t have happened if Donovan McNabb was my quarterback”? Philly covers 41/2.
Vikings at Redskins: T.J. Duckett: 27 yards, one TD, three missed blitz pickups resulting in sacks. Skins win but take Minny and 41/2.
Financial report
Opening week: 5-2 straight up, 3-4 against the line.
Next week: Better, I think.
Locks: Bagels.
Permalink | Comments (50) | Post your comment | Categories: Jeff Schultz
Comments
By larry w.
September 7, 2006 08:18 PM | Link to this
I think the Falcons will be focused and ready. I’ll take them straight up without the points as well!
By cc
September 7, 2006 08:21 PM | Link to this
I feel the Falcons will beat those Carolina boys badly. I just hope that they don’t hit a wall at mid season. They have alot to be motivated about. We truly owe Carolina a good old fashioned a$$ whooping. I can’t see Carolina stopping Vick, he’s the Panther killer!!!
By lee sunset
September 7, 2006 08:38 PM | Link to this
Agree with cc. We came out pumped up last year for opener vs. Philly, got some sweet revenge, but then frittered it all away second half of season.
By Nikki
September 7, 2006 09:09 PM | Link to this
The falcons will beat the paper champs. Georgia will beat South carolina by a score of 7-2, not 6-2 as you stated, Jeff. :)
By panther fan
September 8, 2006 02:06 AM | Link to this
I don’t know what he is talking about.It’s super bowl or bust for the panthers.They will not lose at home. Sorry atlanta
By panther fan
September 8, 2006 02:13 AM | Link to this
I don’t know what he is talking about.It’s super bowl or bust for the panthers.They will not lose at home. I never thought I would say this but, I never thought I would see hot atlanta media and fans hating on my panthers.The panthers are on top of the NFL right now.I am loving this. GO PANTHERS
By R B
September 8, 2006 03:17 AM | Link to this
If Georgia scores only 6 or 7 points, they lose. It may take as many as 24 to cream the cocks.
By BillP
September 8, 2006 03:49 AM | Link to this
Jeff—You can always make me laugh. And by the way,I would probably think Rosie is hot after only 15 beers.
By Kaye
September 8, 2006 05:52 AM | Link to this
hey look the birds will fly and the dogs will get buried….well until richt starts stafford
By Kaye
September 8, 2006 05:52 AM | Link to this
hey look the birds will fly and the dogs will get buried….well until richt starts stafford
By Cheesehead
September 8, 2006 06:42 AM | Link to this
Jeff, Rosie is going to crush your head.
By Cheesehead
September 8, 2006 06:42 AM | Link to this
Jeff, Rosie is going to crush your head.
By Mike
September 8, 2006 06:58 AM | Link to this
Okay…Don’t know what Jeff is smoking, But no way Falcons win this weekend. Vick still does not have anyone to throw to. Jenkins & White are hardly deep threat receivers. Despite all of the offseason “improvements”, we’re still looking at an 8-8 team. Hopefully Vick will see the writing on the wall after this season and get out of his contract. Even Deion knew better than to squander his talent in such a mediocre town. Mora & Knapp will be gone and then we get to look forward to another 3 years of “re-building”.
By Jerry
September 8, 2006 07:15 AM | Link to this
Yeah Mike, it’s everybody’s fault except the gangsta Vick, boy hero.
By ROCKBUSTER
September 8, 2006 07:34 AM | Link to this
THE FALCONS COVER.GO FALCONS.
By Chris
September 8, 2006 07:37 AM | Link to this
What? No prediction on the 2nd biggest game this weekend - Penn St. vs. Notre Dame? Are we still that mad that ND stroked a leprechan to beat GT that they won’t be mentioned in the AJC again? Or, are you just padding your record by predicting the Samford/GT and Duke/Wake Forest games. Big stretch. Let me help you out. Penn St. wins by 4 using not one but 3 high-powered wide receivers - 27-23.
By Russ Brock
September 8, 2006 07:47 AM | Link to this
You gave the Jackets the kiss of death last week and this week you do the same for the Falcons and ‘Dogs. Thanks alot. Fortunately for Tech, even you can’t curse the Jackets badly enough to lose to Samford, or is it Troy? No matter, but if there was a spread, I’d take the points. Please, Jeff, the season just started. Don’t louse up the season for the teams we love. Just predict the other teams. Okay?
By h_charles
September 8, 2006 07:54 AM | Link to this
Neither Texas or OSU should be sniffing #1? You are kidding right? Texas hasn’t lost to anybody in close to two years and is reigning national champion.
What else would they have to do to “sniff #1”?
By chris
September 8, 2006 08:03 AM | Link to this
Why is Mora starting Jason Webster? the man has a hurt foot. K. Johnson is going to kill him. Webser cannot cover, never has been able too. You can’t cover playing 10 yards of the receiver on every play.
By modest
September 8, 2006 08:10 AM | Link to this
Falcons win a close one. Georgia wins after Stafford plays three quarters and shows every body what Mel Kiper sees. Tech beats Samford but realizes that with Stafford starting for the Dawgs they will have to wait at least another 3 years before they can beat the Red and Black.
By Uncle Jed
September 8, 2006 08:25 AM | Link to this
I wonder if Mr. Schultz’s boss man (Arthur Blank) will allow him to pick against the Falcons in any game this season.
By Bugger
September 8, 2006 08:46 AM | Link to this
Golly, you’re funny Mister Jeff.
By brewerfaninATL
September 8, 2006 08:59 AM | Link to this
Ohio State and Texas shouldn’t be sniffing #1? Tell me, oh wise one, why shouldn’t they? I mean, gee whiz, you’re going WAAAAAAAAY out on a limb picking games like Samford/Tech, Duke/Wake and Miss St/Auburn…all games my dead grandmother could predict, thanks for your “expert” analysis on those games! Tell you what Mr. Schultz, you’re not worthy enough to sniff my fart, how’s that?
By Ol Ball Coach
September 8, 2006 09:00 AM | Link to this
You? Making fun of Rosie O’Donnell and USA Today? Hello, kettle meet pot.
By Ol Ball Coach
September 8, 2006 09:11 AM | Link to this
You? Making fun of Rosie O’Donnell and USA Today? Hello, kettle meet pot.
By Eric
September 8, 2006 09:13 AM | Link to this
I fear the Falcons will be 0-2 when they arrive at the Super Dome. Go Falcons!
By mo
September 8, 2006 09:24 AM | Link to this
I just hope no one is buying the whole “Steve Smith may not play” fakeout. C’mon, if Steve Smith doesn’t play, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. (when was the last time you heard that line, huh?)
By Vicktimized agian
September 8, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this
Hey Panther Fan How Can the panthers be On top of the NFL they are 0-0…………Just like everyone except the steelers. Actually they are on top of the NFL they have the best record in the NFL and Actually have a superbowl championship to hold up….last time i checked carolina got Routed by Seattle. You must believe those espn guys who say manning is the best qb, and clearly its brady. And that The colts are Winning the SB every year….. They are stupid and atl will kill the Panthers who arent on top of the division much less the NFL or Nfc.
By rgb
September 8, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this
Just got a call that ERK RUSSELL has died of a heart attack…..GREAT MAN
By J
September 8, 2006 10:58 AM | Link to this
Yeesh. But Jeff’s NOT bitter!
By Edgar
September 8, 2006 11:03 AM | Link to this
This just in….Pat Kerwin and Tim Ryan on the Sirius NFL Channel have just crowned Carolina the winner of Super Bowl XLII. Steve Smith will sat out the second half because Deion Sanders said he was ugly.
By jp
September 8, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
I think it’s safe to assume that Richt and his staff know what they are doing. Mel Kiper said Stafford would “eventually” be the number one pick, that doesn’t have a thing to do with this season or Stafford being the best quarterback on the team right now. I’ll stick with the opinion of Richt, Bobo and Callaway over some goober who watches video of high school players on ugasports.com and plays xbox all day. Richt will play the quarterback who gives us the best shot to win, and if it’s Stafford, great. Until then, let’s trust the judgment of the man who gave us two SEC Championships in the last four years.
By Edgar
September 8, 2006 11:05 AM | Link to this
This just in….Pat Kerwin and Tim Ryan on the Sirius NFL Channel have just crowned Carolina the winner of Super Bowl XLII. Steve Smith will sit out the second half because Deion Sanders will say he is ugly.
By Ed
September 8, 2006 11:42 AM | Link to this
I watched the GT-ND replay the other day on CSS. The garbled ramblings of some commentator named Joe Hamilton sounded like he talked all night with a mouthful of chittlins. Where did he go to school????
By Bowman
September 8, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this
Attention Falcons fans! Carolina will win at home Sunday whether Steve Smith plays or not. Carolina has the better defense of the 2 teams. The Falcons would stand a better chance with a few games under their belts. They have a few weapons but haven’t yet realize how to effectively use them. Carolina’s offense has enough to get the job done and their defense will do the rest.
By Bodacious
September 8, 2006 12:35 PM | Link to this
The Carolinas will not survive the Georgia collegiate and professional football onslaught this weekend. After this weekend Alabama won’t be the only state to make sucking sounds.
By Dean
September 8, 2006 12:57 PM | Link to this
Dawgs 28 - Cocks 10
Take it to the bank.
By Jon
September 8, 2006 01:34 PM | Link to this
Vick is the most OVERRATED QB in the NFL!!! I’ll admit, he’s a great athelete, but not a QB. He’d be great at running punts or kickoffs, but he’d whine everytime he got hit. If Atlanta truly wants to win a championship, it’s gonna have to start by giving the wheel to Schaub, a true quarterback. NO WAY ATL WINS IN CAROLINA THIS WEEKEND If you guys say Vick is the Panther killer, I won’t bring up Week 16 last year, as Vick said he didn’t try, Please, give me a break, but What happened justa few weeks before that in Charlotte? Oh, yeah, he probably wasn’t trying then either, huh? Face it, Carolina has figured Vick out. Contain him and make him throw. he will never beat you with the pass.
By Huge Vol Fan
September 8, 2006 01:46 PM | Link to this
Jeff, Who’s hotter, Phil Fullmer or Rosie?
By Dirrtybird
September 8, 2006 01:49 PM | Link to this
Jon,
Be Careful. You’re facing a new team here. Don’t underestimate the power of progress. Carolina better prepare for Vick and the Falcons in more ways than one.
By BC Gonzo
September 8, 2006 01:50 PM | Link to this
Geoff - you’re still on our banned list www.gonzofixer.com
By alex
September 8, 2006 02:34 PM | Link to this
Funny Post. I like your attitude and your birds pick. Go Mike and Rowdy White!
By Hugo
September 8, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this
College Football Prediction:
Dawgs 48 Little Sisters Of The Poor 7
By Randy Hudson
September 8, 2006 02:53 PM | Link to this
You really believe Spurrier will lose at Home? Can’t see it. I smell a set up.
Randy
By Hugo
September 8, 2006 02:55 PM | Link to this
College Football Prediction:
Dawgs 48 Little Sisters Of The Poor 7
By Edd Anderson
September 8, 2006 04:57 PM | Link to this
The Falcons will win due to ball control . Carolina is worried to death about a healthy Vick and the fresh Atl. “D”.( Read the N.C. News papers ) This is the year Carolina begins to decline and starts to wonder what went wrong. Carolina will place 3rd in the division behind Tampa. Go Falcons !!!!!!!!!!
By Edd Anderson
September 8, 2006 05:03 PM | Link to this
The Falcons will win due to ball control . Carolina is worried to death about a healthy Vick and the fresh Atl. “D”.( Read the N.C. News papers ) This is the year Carolina begins to decline and starts to wonder what went wrong. Carolina will place 3rd in the division behind Tampa. Go Falcons !!!!!!!!!!
By die hard falcons fan
September 8, 2006 05:19 PM | Link to this
ATL FALCONS 42 CAROLINA PUSSYCATS 3
AIR VICK THROW A RECORD 4 TD
2 TO ASHLEY LESLIE 1 TO D HALL 1 TO MIKE JENKINS
DUNN AND NORWOOD rush over 100 yards each and cop a TD each
STEVE SMITH AND MESHAWN JOHNSON OWNED BY THE FACOLNS SECONDARY!!!!
mark my word we going all the way to the super bowl aboard the grady baby gravy train! WHOO WHOO!!!
By Bill C.
September 8, 2006 06:16 PM | Link to this
Put Vick out wide to the right, run him as a wide receiver, down the side lines and throw him the hail mary. Just to keep the defense honest, let Grady Jackson run it up the middle a couple of times. ” Enjoyed the column ” keep it up…..
By Howard
September 8, 2006 10:26 PM | Link to this
Jeff…great take on the highly publicized and vastly overrated Maning vs. Manning game. Eli Manning’s team is not only overrated as hell, but he is a joke as a QB. Had his name been Eli Smith? No big deal…Peyton is the real deal…but his twirpy brother??? Give me a break…Colts will roll.