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Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Color me impressed with marksmanship
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
As I stood in jeans of blue and T-shirt of I-surrender-white, Greg deVries’ truck pulled into the parking lot, much like a helicopter would descend into the rice patties.
Out came the army fatigues. The gloves. The boots. Heavy artillery. Topographical charts. Wind projections. Kill estimates. Cyanide tablets. Plutonium bubblegum. Jack Bauer bobblehead doll.
“I didn’t bring anything in camouflage,” I said.
“You’re dead,” said another.
I love this coming together. The Thrashers arranged for a friendly little paintball outing Tuesday. Four players, two media members and assorted office staff and warmongers. It wasn’t the first time I had been in the same place as professional athletes in a non-work-type setting. It was just the first time everybody had weapons.
Before we go any further, you should know that the Thrashers did not bring any of their goalies. We weren’t close enough to a MAS*H unit.
Then again, I don’t know what they were worried about. The way I viewed this competition, even if I freely navigated through the Thrashers’ defense, I’d shoot and miss the goalie because, like, nothing ever hits the Thrashers’ goalie. (Thank you. Try the veal.)
When deVries, a relatively mild-mannered defenseman, finally finished dressing and adjusting his assault weapons, I asked him if he had ever seen “Rambo.”
“All of them,” he said.
Big deal. I watched Jack Bauer kill like 179 people in the first 22 minutes Monday night. Also, my son gave me some sage advice after learning I was going to paintball for the first time in my life.
“Wear a cup,” he said. “I mean, nobody really aims down there. But you never know.”
I did not wear a cup. But I chose not to share that with deVries, Slava Kozlov, Jaroslav Modry or Eric Boulton because sometimes, dude, they really do aim down there. Mike Stapleton, a former Thrasher and noted bag of rocks, once shot a puck at me in practice. Fortunately, I was on the other side of the Plexiglas, which is what it hit, which was where all of Mike Stapleton’s shots hit.
The guys who ran the paintball place spent a lot of time explaining the rules, the scoring system and ways to avoid accidental maiming.
I seemed to be the only one bothered that they never actually said how to shoot the gun. Or was this one of those practical jokes, where I got the clown gun that just shot out a little “Bang” flag?
We had one practice round. Got hit after seven seconds. The good news was, I was the only one who didn’t have to reload.
Then AJC writer John Manasso and I chose up sides. I took deVries. Duh. He took Kozlov, probably because he served in the Soviet Red Army (and probably not realizing that he only made the oatmeal).
Game 1: Modry (Manasso’s team) hit me inside of a minute. (Power play specialist.)
Game 2: Boulton (Manasso’s team) popped me in the neck after a few minutes. He flanked wide right. Never saw him. Who knew a fourth-liner could be so stealth?
This wasn’t going well. I felt like Donald Rumsfeld, only without the air-conditioned suite and the room service and the stack of John Wayne movies.
Game 3: Dead! Did you see that? I nailed … Manasso?
“Somebody got me,” he said later.
“That was me,” I gloated.
“I haven’t killed anybody yet,” he said.
Rookie.
Modry and Boulton each got me twice. But, led by deVries and my ingenious attack plans, we destroyed the opposition.
“You did very well — better than Manasso,” Boulton said later.
“He was the first guy I killed,” I said.
“Yeah, well, that was the case with him every game,” Boulton said.
Boulton also wore full camo.
“These are my hunting clothes, but it works for paintballing,” he said. “But when I go hunting, the poor little deer don’t fire back.” (I teed it up, but I resisted.)
I have a little red welt on my inner thigh. It appears to be growing Saturn-like bluish rings as I’m typing. My only regret is that coach Bob Hartley wasn’t here to tell me what I did wrong — and general manager Don Waddell wasn’t here to guarantee a win and a playoff spot.
Also, there were no owners. This would have been a good way for Steve Belkin to work out some of his aggressions against the other Atlanta Spirit owners. But when I sent him an e-mail with an invitation to team up with me, he declined.
“I have more compassion and understand[ing] than aggression for my other partners,” he wrote back.
The dude probably would’ve just sent his attorney, anyway. And he would’ve worn a cup.
Permalink | Comments (11) | Categories: Jeff Schultz, Thrashers / NHL
Any sympathy for Charismatic?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Furman Bisher
Atlanta’s consciousness of thoroughbred racing has never been so compassionately expressed ever before Barbaro. Barbaro, winner of the Kentucky Derby and about 100 yards into the second step of his pursuit of the Triple Crown at Pimlico, broke down and millions of Americans broke out in a compassionate response.
Tough stuff. If he had been a claimer, he would have been put away on the scene, but Barbaro was unbeaten and an odds-on favorite to bring home the most elusive trophy in horse racing. This was a matter of millions of dollars. Nothing was to be spared to save him for a career in the breeding shed. Which reminds me of a similar story, of a horse even further into his Triple Crown pursuit, but whose name has been blotted out in the keening and mourning for Barbaro.
Charismatic had won the Kentucky Derby at odds of 31-to-1 and followed that up winning the Preakness, though he didn’t go off the favorite there. The public still wasn’t convinced. He was about 50 yards from completing the classic sweep in the Belmont when he broke down, a bone in his left foreleg snapped.
“No, more like 30 yards,” his trainer, D. Wayne Lukas, said Tuesday.
Two longhots swept by him at the wire, Lemon Drop Kid and Vision and Verse, but even wounded, Charismatic completed the journey and finished third. Jockey Chris Antley leaped from the saddle, kneeled by his wounded mount and cradled the leg in his little hands. The leg was splinted at the spot and Charismatic was vanned to the barn, where, coincidentally, the same veterinarian who attended Barbaro was on duty, Larry Bramlage by name.
“His injury was not nearly as severe as this one,” Lukas said. “We were able to put his leg together with a lot less surgical procedure. They did a beautiful job. It was a tribute to the doctors.”
As Bramlage said of Charismatic later, “He’s through as a race horse, but he should be fine as a stallion.”
Once healed, Charismatic was retired to Lanes End Farm, where, for a pedestrian $10,000 stud fee, he covered 106 mares his first year. After three years, he was sold to a group in Japan and drifted out of sight and out of mind. His breeding was not classic, though his sire, Summer Squall, had finished second in the Derby and won the Preakness for Cot Campbell and Dogwood Stable. Neither would you consider Barbaro’s bloodlines classic, though his sire, Dynaformer, now ranks fifth on the general sire list this year.
Charismatic kind of got into the Kentucky Derby through the kitchen door. Just two months earlier he had finished second in a claiming race at Santa Anita, and second again in an allowance race. “He hadn’t shown me much in the spring, so when we brought him east, there wasn’t much left but the Lexington Stakes,” Lukas said.
The Lexington is a Grade 2, run at Keeneland, last possible entre to the Derby. Charismatic won by two lengths with Jerry Bailey up, and after the race, Lukas said, “Jerry told me, ‘If I wasn’t already committed to the Arabs, I’d ride him in the Derby.’ ”
That’s when Lukas turned to Chris Antley, who was trying to make a comeback after a long bout with drugs and making weight. Antley had a chance to be a national hero after so devotedly attending Charismatic, but Lukas again:
“They made such a warm, fuzzy story about Chris and how he had teamed with Charismatic. I’ll bet he never spent more than 10 minutes with him. He would show up in the paddock for the race, then disappear. I’d never seen him again until the next race. He was already back on the stuff.”
Antley, who grew up in Elloree, SC, would later die under mysterious circumstances involving drugs in California, a real tragedy in death.
Charismatic would have only moderate success as a stallion in Japan, and lately has been reduced to hauling pleasure riders about. A Kentuckian named Michael Blowen, devoted to caring for aging stallions, is trying to bring him back to this country. Surely to avoid the fate of Ferdinand, the 1986 Derby winner who wound up in the meat market.
But strange that Charismatic’s wounded state never aroused such compassion as Barbaro’s. The break in a foreleg would have little effect in breeding, whereas Barbaro’s rear leg must bear all that weight in mounting a mare, thus critical in performing as a productive sire. Charismatic was voted Horse of the Year. Barbaro may have been on his way, but that’s out of his reach now. Just to stay alive and produce healthy offspring is the best his connections can hope for.
Permalink | Comments (11) | Categories: Furman Bisher, Other
The Tuesday Countdown
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
10: OK. I’ll say it: It’s a horse.
9: Hey, I love animals. Really. I have a dog, a fish tank and two Australian finiches. Some of my best friends are animals. Relatives, too. It was awful what happened to Barbaro. But can we all please stop acting like a Supreme Court justice is on life support.
8: And, by the way: Notwithstanding the closeness Barbaro’s owners may feel toward their “pet,” their biggest concern is lost “stud” fees.
7: Speaking of which: Do all of those single eligible mares get their money back?
6: So what are the odds the Hawks actually win the draft lottery tonight, given that there’s no franchise player available?
5: Seriously, one website lists the top 5 players as LaMarcus Aldridge (Texas), Tyrus Thomas (LSU), Adam Morrison (Gonzaga), Andrea Bargnani (Italy), Brandon Roy (Washington). Does anybody scream, “Gotta have him?”
4: OK. Who in the “24” pool had Jack Bauer ending another really bad day on a slow boat to China?
3: For what it’s worst: No, I don’t think the Hawks will trade for Allen Iverson. As much as I think it would jumpstart the team, my guess is that the three years and $60 million remaining on his contract will be too much for all the owners to swallow - and there would have to be a consensus among the owners for such a deal to go through.
2: Dan Kolb last season with the Braves: 3-8, 5.93 ERA, seven blown saves in 18 opportunities.
1: Chris Reitsma’s projected full season, based on statistics: 3-7, 6.75 ERA, 11 blown saves in 36 opportunities.
Permalink | Comments (16) | Categories: Jeff Schultz, Quick Hit
