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DEL.ICIO.USWeekend Predictions
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Before ensuring your financial future, we bring you this pre-Thanksgiving alert: Two dozen live turkeys fell off the back of a truck on the New Jersey Turnpike Friday, snarling Newark traffic. “I think we should be investigating this as an escape attempt,” cracked Turnpike spokesman Joseph Orlando, who still has a sense of humor and therefore must not be a Jets fan. The accident was significant, and not just because this was one of those rare highway incidents not involving Rod Coleman. As far as we know, this probably kills Newark’s chances of ever getting a Super Bowl. UNLESS OF COURSE EVERY NFL OWNER IS PROMISED HIS OWN PRIVATE TURNPIKE LEADING TO HIS OWN PRIVATE MARINA WITH HIS OWN PRIVATE YACHT! Sorry. I find typing in all caps therapeutic. A few days ago the NFL tentatively awarded a future Super Bowl to Kansas City, which has an average late January temperature of minus 47 degrees, thereby making it a perfect settlement for polar bears, except that polar bears settled in the Arctic because they found staring at icecaps infinitely less boring than Kansas City. NFL owners twice rejected Atlanta for Super Bowls recently, largely because of an ice storm the last time the game was here. Also, bribes. Wait. Who said that? The NFL wants to reward Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt for living, I think, to the age of 148, and also for never being hit by a stray turkey on the New Jersey Turnpike. The Falcons’ Arthur Blank, wanting to project himself as ever the league man, released a statement that read in part: “Everyone in the Falcons family extends their congratulations to Lamar, the Chiefs and the great state of Missouri.” Right. I’m guessing Blank released a statement so nobody could see him bite through his tongue. Today, the Falcons face the Buccaneers. It’s not quite Atlanta and Tampa Bay city officials facing off, playing can-you-top-my-freebies. But it’ll do. The Falcons are coming off a stinker against Green Bay. Coach Jim Mora ran normal practices this week, except the part about players running drills barefooted on hot coals. I kinda think he got their attention. The Bucs’ defense generally handle Michael Vick better than anybody. But on offense, Carnell Williams has gone from a three-game wonder to an afterthought. The line is 6. Seems like a lot. But I’ll gobble. Falcons cover.
TIGER BEAT • Colts at Bengals: Cincinnati dumped 9-0 Kansas City two years ago. Now the Bengals face 9-0 Indy, and they must be ready again, because Carl Powell body-slammed teammate Reggie Miles in the equipment room. What is this: tough love week? Take Cincy and 6 — and in a straight upset.
FOUR BAGS • Panthers at Bears: So the FBI in Chicago thought it would be cool to invite da Bears over for a little barbecue, booze and shootin’. But two linemen brawled, one got a broken jaw and the other had a five-pound weight slammed against his head. But the FBI assured everybody that all of the drinking took place at the barbecue, not on the shooting range. Everybody feel safe now? Carolina covers 3.
THREE BAGS • Eagles at Giants: Donovan McNabb has been advised to have season-ending hernia surgery. Add a pina colada and I call that a vacation. New York wins and covers 7.
TWO BAGS • Raiders at Redskins: Randy Moss went on ESPN, the network of choice for prima donna wide receivers, and said of coach Norv Turner: “Um, I think his approach, being an offensive-minded coach, is something that I can accept, I like. I mean, he’s the man, uh, and, you know, I’ll leave that at that.” Heartfelt. Skins win but take Oakland and 6. • Lions at Cowboys: Cute move by Bill Parcells this week. He planted mousetraps around the Dallas locker room to warn his players against being “trapped” by overconfidence. On a related note, Drew Bledsoe is suddenly out with a broken toe. Kidding. Cowboys cover 8. • Saints at Patriots: Jim Haslett vs. Bill Belichick. Like I’m going to waste time on research. New England covers 9 1/2. • Seahawks at Phoney Niners: San Francisco hasn’t scored a touchdown in 39 straight possessions. Said quarterback Ken Dorsey, “Hopefully we can get back to having some fun and scoring some points.” So who’s bringing the time machine? Seahawks win but take SanFran and 12 1/2. • Bills at Chargers: The problem with Buffalo is not that they can’t decide between J.P. Losman and Kelly Holcomb. The problem is that they must decide between J.P. Losman and Kelly Holcomb. San Diego covers a whopper (11). • Jets at Broncos: Herm Edwards contacted Donovan McNabb’s doctor this week to see if he also could have season-ending hernia surgery. Denver covers 13. • Steelers at Ravens: Pittsburgh is so dented at quarterback that receiver Antwaan Randle El took snaps in practice. Hey, go wishbone. It’s the Ravens. Steelers roll, like, 6-2. • Vikings at Packers: Actual factual: Minnesota is looking to win consecutive outdoor games for the first time since 2000. But I was going to pick the Vikings anyway, just because Brett Favre isn’t going against the Falcons’ secondary again. Take Minny and 41/2 — and in a straight upset. • Jags at Titans: Tennessee has won 11 of the last 14 meetings. Hey, I’m all about the hope for the downtrodden. Take Titans and 4 — and in a straight upset.
DON’T LOOK, YOU’LL GO BLIND Cardinals at Rams: What’s better than players fighting? Coaches fighting! On Wednesday, St. Louis assistants Wilbert Montgomery and Steve Fairchild brawled, infuriating the team’s owner, Broom Hilda. “Very interesting year,” wide receiver Torry Holt said. I’m assuming that won’t make NFL Films. Shams win but take Cards and 9 1/2. Chiefs at Texans: An AP writer this week actually wrote, “Houston is playing to save the job of coach Dom Capers.” Dude, they’re 1-8. I think they’ve spoken. Chiefs win but take Houston and 7. Dolphins at Browns: Cleveland receiver Braylon Edwards is still upset Miami passed on him in the draft and took Ronnie Brown. “They used me as a pawn. They told me one thing and did another. We call that lying.” Here’s what he said in English: “I could’ve been in South Beach. I’m cold!” Take the Dolphins and 2 1/2 — and in an upset.
PROGRESS REPORT • Last week: 9-5 straight up, 7-7 against the line. • Fiscal season: 89-39 straight up, 68-56-4 against the line.
Permalink | Comments (2) | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz
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By Keith
November 19, 2005 11:38 PM | Link to this
“This week, the Rambling Wreckage goes to Miami. The line is 17 1/2. If Tech pulls an upset, there will be another TV pilot in the works.” - bold: “Will you be directing this new show about the team that overachieved**
By Will
November 21, 2005 05:22 PM | Link to this
After gobbling that 6 with the Falcons, do you have room for Thanksgiving Dinner?