AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2005 > November > 12 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USTake T.O. timeout, Pack and 9
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
T.O.
T.O.
T.O. T.O. T.O. T.O. T.O. T.O. T.O. T.O.
There’s your fix. Option one was a rubber mallet to your cranium, but ESPN cornered the market and I couldn’t find one.
Let me just start by saying I’m genuinely concerned for Terrell Owens. The man was booed at a Hawks game. It’s not that boos are all that unusual at Hawks games, but they usually follow things like, “And now starting for your Atlanta Hawks ?”
“And that makes the score ?”
“Wait! Don’t go! You can play point guard! ?”
We’re now well into Owens’ autobiography, “How To Throw Yourself On A Hand Grenade For Dummies.” Clearly, he’s feeling the pinch.
His New Jersey home is up for sale.
His Atlanta home is up for sale.
For the full T.O. Experience and $8.898 million, you can have two cribs totaling 33,000 square feet sitting on 7.3 acres in two states with 11 bedrooms, 17 bathrooms, pools, gyms, whirlpools, sandbox and a little wind-up doll that says, “Next question, next question, which one of you is Dan Patrick, next question ?”
So how badly does this man need money? He’s going to lose at least $800,000 in salary, and conceivably several million bucks. He needs the liquid to pay off his agent, who clearly needs a tie. T.O. even has the father of the downtrodden and oppressed, Ralph Nader, taking up for him.
Quoth Nader: “It should be the policy of the Eagles and the National Football League, as well as other sports teams and leagues, that players not be punished merely for what they say.”
So when did Ralph Nader swallow Michael Moore? I think I liked him better when he protested the rising cost of Cheez Whiz.
Today, in one of several games not involving Owens, the Falcons play host to Green Bay. This figures to be Brett Favre’s final game in Atlanta in possibly his final season.
He would have quit after last season, if only he had known the Packers would do the same.
The Falcons have won 11 of 13 at home under Jim Mora. Favre has never been great indoors, even when he was great outdoors.
But 9 points? Seems like a lot. I see 7-2. But I don’t see a mansion.
Falcons win, but take the Pack and 9.
FOUR BAGS
• Patriots at Dolphins: The last time New England was slapped around like last week, fans were asking, "You hired Bill Belichick? You mean the guy who got fired by Cleveland?" The Pats haven’t lost consecutive games since 2002 — but they haven’t won consecutive games all season. Which way, Mr. Scarecrow? Point this way: Pats win and cover 3.
THREE BAGS
• Broncos at Raiders: Actual fact: A 50,000-watt station out of Window Rock, Ariz., is broadcasting this game in Navajo. Said a Raiders mouthpiece: “This presents an exciting opportunity to unite the Raider Nation with the voice of the Navajo nation.” Yeah. Let’s not spoil them with schools, jobs and an equitable land deal. Just give ‘em Zack Crockett. Denver covers 3.
• Cowboys at Beagles: To think, we could’ve had Terrell Owens, Keyshawn Johnson and Peerless Price together in one stadium. The Self-Absorbed Boob Bowl. Dallas flattened Philly 33-10 last month. Eagles aren’t great, but they’re desperate. Counts for something. Philly covers 3.
• Vikings at Giants: Asked if anything had gone well this season, Mike Tice said, “I’ve lost 35 pounds.” Great. He can dance at the team’s next cruise. Men of (Rhymes With) Thor have been outscored on the road 133-34. Found the fat. Giants cover 9 1/2.
TWO BAGS
• Jets at Panthers: So now the Carolina cheerleaders say they weren’t having sex. Really. I mean, did we have to know that? Meanwhile, outside the restroom: 9 is covered up.
• Rams at Seahawks: Weekend Predictions Trivia! Joe Vitt, who is 2-1 as St. Louis’ interim head coach, was Seattle’s former strength coach. I know. The cheerleader story is better. Seahawks win, but take the Rams and 7.
• Texans at Colts: Indy is 8-0, but Peyton Manning said, “You can’t just show up on Sunday and expect to win.” Actually, showing up is optional this week. So are most vital organs. But I can’t bring myself to punt a whopper. Let’s dance, baby. Colts win, but take Houston and 18.
• Redskins at Bucs: When quizzed this week about the development of quarterback Chris Simms, Tampa coach Jon Gruden said: “Experience is a great teacher. Repetition is the mother of all learning.” Thank you, Grasshopper. Let me translate: He stinks. Skins cover 1 1/2.
• Browns at Steelers: Stats That Make You Go “Huh?” Trent Dilfer is 20-8 in November. This trumps it: The Steelers are 1-0 with Charlie Batch. But I got a funny feeling about this one. Pitt wins, but take Cleveland and 8.
• Chiefs at Bills: Dick Vermeil gets emotional when he reads the Ace Hardware circular. Now he’s lost Priest Holmes for the season. Make room, Cheswick: You’ve got a new roommate. But take K.C. and 2 1/2 — and in a straight upset.
LEAVES NEED RAKING
• Ravens at Jaguars: Two years ago, Baltimore tried to trade up to draft Byron Leftwich and failed. He went to Jacksonville. The Ravens got Kyle Boller. Cyanide would’ve been quicker. Jags cover 6 1/2.
• Charmed Existence: The Bears have won four in a row over teams with a combined record of 10-23. Now they get San Francisco. Do they get full pay for this? Bears win again, but take Niners and 13.
• Cardinals at Lions: A rumor circulated that Brett Favre was pushing Steve Mariucci for the Green Bay job. Question: Why? Cards and 4 (but Lions straight up).
MIND-BOGGLING PROGRESS REPORT
(On your feet!)
• Last week: 13-1 straight up, 9-3-2 against the line
• Fiscal season: 80-34 straight up, 61-49-4 against the line
• You say: Locks? I say: Bagels.
Permalink | Comments (6) | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Gene
November 13, 2005 09:58 AM | Link to this
Jeff, you are my favorite AJC writer, but you must have missed something. The score was Auburn 31, UGA 30.
By Gordon
November 14, 2005 07:11 AM | Link to this
Sat through another Game? Sun with two bimbos going to the bathroom every five minutes or to the bar for another drink and wattching the worst performance by an Atlanta quarter back in recent memory. Mr Mora you can stand by Vick but in the end the term NFL will mean Not For Long
By john
November 14, 2005 10:06 AM | Link to this
Favre is still great outdoors, and not too bad in a dome south of the Mason Dixon line. Remember Super Bowl XXXI?
By VA TECH GRAD
November 14, 2005 12:26 PM | Link to this
MICHAEL VICK WILL NEVER SEE THE DAY THAT HE IS AS GOOD A QUARTERBACK AS BRET FARVE. ATLANTA MISSED IT’S OPPORTUNITY YEARS AGO WHEN THEY TRADED BRET. DOES ANYONE REMEMBER WHO THE FALCONS GOT IN THAT TRADE???
By Paul
November 14, 2005 12:53 PM | Link to this
You’re an Idiot VA TECH GRAD. Vick had one of his better days yesterday, it was our turnovers & defense that cost us that game. Usually Vick gets the glory when he doesn’t deserve it, and sometimes Vick gets the blame when he doesn’t deserve it. Yesterday, was an example of the latter. If Vick can have one of his best games & we still lose, that’s a scary thought. We better fix things against the Bucs with their backup QB. Remember last year when our defense lead the league in sacks? Specifically the Bucs Game in the Dome where we sacked Griese so many times? Whatever happened to that defense? The past few weeks, no pressure on the opposing QB’s. Where has Kerney been? He hasn’t been near the QB in a long time. Hopefully we can have a repeat performance like last year in the dome against backup Simms.
By ATL Packer
November 14, 2005 03:44 PM | Link to this
I always kid my friends who are Falcons fans about trading Favre back in 1992, but seriously, I don’t think Favre would have been that great had he stayed at Atlanta. He has always had natural talent and he probably would have played with the same zeal, but Jerry Glannville and his Run & Shoot offense wouldn’t have benefitted Favre’s career.
It was Mike Holmgren and Steve Mariucci in GB that helped make Farve the QB that he is today. Both men came from the 49ers organization after coaching some of the all time greats, Montana and Young. Their experience and success allowed Favre to not only be a Super Bown champion, but also a 3-time MVP as well. Don’t kick yourself too much Falcons fans.
And besides, I don’t care what anybody says, Vick will be one of the greats and will become the future poster child of the NFL. Don’t be so quick to criticize and appreciate the fact that the Falcons have become a dominant team since he has arrived in Atlanta.