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DEL.ICIO.USWeekend Predictions
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
There have been a number of theories about why the Falcons have had a generally miserable existence and were unable to post consecutive winning seasons in their history. Ownership, personnel moves, coaching.
But it took Jim Mora to bring a truly unique and completely nonsensical perspective to this subject. And after only 1 1/2 seasons of being a head coach!
It’s so simple, you fool. Mike Kenn and Jeff Van Note — they just talked too much!
Yes, that pretty much summarizes Mora’s press conference this past week. In attempting to deflect questions about the we-no-speak practice of the Falcons’ offensive linemen, Mora inferred the reason past Atlanta teams struggled was because linemen like Kenn and Van Note were so gosh darn articulate.
Because, you know, nothing tears at the chemistry of a team quite like a quote from the center.
It’s the reason offensive linemen are such prima donnas. When the NFL put in rules to limit celebrations, it was because the tackles and centers had spun out of control. And then there’s the celebrity and hip-hop element with the left guards, and …
Ugh.
Meanwhile, back on earth, the Falcons’ linemen are run-blocking very well. So well, it would almost be worth it to talk to them. But I digress.
Atlanta leads the league in rushing (188 per game) — and, amazingly, it’s mostly because of a running back (Warrick Dunn, 104.6), not Michael Vick. Also blocking. But I digress.
Falcons-Dolphins will be all about running. And blocking. There I go again.
The line says Falcons by 2. I say they win and cover.
And if they lose, I’m blaming Van Note.
FOUR BAGS
• Colts at Patriots: Tony Dungy said this week, “It’s still Week 8 and it’s still one game.” OK, T.D. Just jeep telling yourself that. Peyton Manning may be 7-0 this season but he’s 0-7 in New England and has lost six straight to the Pats. I’ll believe a detour is coming when I see it. Take Pats and 3 — and in an “upset.”
THREE BAGS
• Panthers at Swashbucklers: The Bucs have been doing it with funhouse mirrors. They’re really 4-foot-6 but their record makes them appear 7-1. Forget running against Carolina. Or winning. Carolina covers 1.
• Steelers at Packers: Brett Favre, upgraded to probable after his walker was fitted new suction caps, makes his 213th straight start. I’m not sure but I think that offsets the advantage Green Bay would’ve had with Ben Roethlisberger being out. Pitt covers 3.
• Eagles at Redskins: Remember the season opener when those intimidating Eagles went to midfield during warm-ups at the Georgia Dome and jumped up and down? Must’ve taken something out of them. Philly has been outscored 62-14 in the first quarter and blanked in six of seven. Skins cover 3.
TWO BAGS
• Lions at Vikings: Call me goofy but Daunte Culpepper was so screwed up before his knee exploded that Brad Johnson might represent an improvement, even if he is slightly less mobile than Ironside. That said, he’ll probably be institutionalized in a few weeks. Take Minnesota in a pick ‘em.
• Raiders at Chiefs: Trent Green threw for 347 yards and two touchdowns last week — way too late to save my Fantasy League team. Chiefs cover 4.
• Bears at Saints: Tom Benson said in an e-mail to Paul Tagliabue that he won’t let the Saints play in Baton Rouge next season because Tiger Stadium is “inadequate to non-existent.” Wait. Is he talking about the stadium or his team? His cranium? His conscience? His soul? Bears cover 3.
• Bengals at Ravens: Cincy quarterback Carson Palmer has thrown 16 touchdown passes. The entire Ravens’ roster has scored seven TDs. I generally don’t like to use a lot of statistics, except when they make Brian Billick look bad. Bengals cover 3.
• Chargers at Jets: Another exception to the stat rule: LaDainian Tomlinson has as many touchdown passes (3) as four Jets quarterbacks. Bahahahaha. San Diego covers 6.
• Giants at 49ers: San Francisco’s stadium is now called Monster Park, so named for the mutation this team has become. The new starting quarterback is Cody Pickett. Wasn’t he shot off a roof top by Gary Cooper in “High Noon”? He’ll be equally dead today. It’s a big number, but Eli Manning covers 10.
• Seahawks at Cardinals: Shaun Alexander wants a new long-term deal. This would be a good week for incentive clauses. Seahawks cover 4.
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR TELEVISION
• Titans at Browns: Blast the play-by-play over a loudspeaker in Pakistan. That ought to chase Bin Laden out of the bushes. Browns win but take Tennessee and 3.
• Texas at Jaguars: Houston has allowed 681 yards rushing in the last three games, give or take an acre. Jags win but take Texans and 13 1/2.
PROGRESS REPORT
• Last week: 10-4 straight up, 7-7 against the line.
• Fiscal season: 67-33 straight up, 52-46-2 ATL.
• Disclaimer: Results pending confirmation from Jim Mora.
Permalink | Comments (9) | Categories: Jeff Schultz
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Dave Casey
November 5, 2005 11:07 AM | Link to this
If I had to speculate as to why he made those comments, I would have to say he was protecting his coaches and players. It’s evident that he cares deeply about this team and will defend each and every one to the bitter end. I believe that reason alone will be why he creates a new history for the Falcon’s Organization this year. They believe in him and he in them. I’m proud of what they’ve accomplished thus far.
By Dan
November 5, 2005 10:09 PM | Link to this
Jeff - maybe the beat writers can answer this one (I have heard at least one national writer answer it) - is Jim Mora, Jr. only an overbearing smug jerk during his dealings with the media or is he the same pompous fool off-camera?
Bully for Mora’s team beating mighty St. Louis & the equally insuffferable Mike Martz in the playoffs last season, but if you want to channel Parcells and Belichek as your public image you might want to match the rings they have won first.
By Emcee
November 5, 2005 11:36 PM | Link to this
I agree, Mike Vick’s passing stats and Jim Mora’s quotes would be much more tolerable if they just won some games…
oh, wait…
By Joe Roman
November 6, 2005 06:05 PM | Link to this
Count your blessings, Dan. Maybe Mora is a “pompous fool” and “an overbearing smug jerk”, but he’s 6-2 being one. I’m in Baltimore (after several decades in Atlanta). Here, we’ve got Brian Billick who is all those things you say Mora is. Plus, he may well be the most arrogant person in America- this side of Dick Cheney. The difference is Billick is 2-6. It could be worse for you.
By Chuck
November 7, 2005 02:48 AM | Link to this
Nobody has said it yet, Jeff, so I’ll be the first. Pending the Monday night game, 13-0 straight up, 11-2 against the spread. Why don’t you just quit and move to Vegas for your real calling, and I’ll take over your column. Here’s a sampling: Bonus SEC question. Phil Fulmer is: A. Fat B. Phat C. An offensive genius D. The reincarnation of The Great Pumpkin (apologies to Dee Andros) E. The state of Alabama’s greatest gift. For all you Alabama test takers, “Phat” is a hip-hop term meaning “rotund individual who will undercut legends named Majors, and tattle on descendants of men named “Bear”.
By geechee
November 7, 2005 08:37 AM | Link to this
I counted quickly but,I got 9-2-2 not 11-2. That is still killing it Mr. Schultz and quite impressive, mazel.
By Nipsey
November 7, 2005 03:25 PM | Link to this
Chuck is obviously Jeff’s lover or could Schultz be loving himself as he is often found doing in the AJC cafeteria storage room.
By Chuck
November 7, 2005 03:53 PM | Link to this
Nipsey——You are way too concerned over men’s sexuality to be posting anything in a sports column (reference posting in Jeff’s college picks this week, as well as this column). Remember, its the ones who cry the loudest that are suppressing their own gay tendencies. Find yourself a nice gay chat room.
By Willie
November 7, 2005 10:33 PM | Link to this
Before the season started, no one picked the Falcons to start 6-2. I know Falcons’ fan are jumping with joy, but our transplant haters are begining to get on my nerve! It’s not our fault your team sucks.