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Friday, November 4, 2005
Weekend Predictions
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
There have been a number of theories about why the Falcons have had a generally miserable existence and were unable to post consecutive winning seasons in their history. Ownership, personnel moves, coaching.
But it took Jim Mora to bring a truly unique and completely nonsensical perspective to this subject. And after only 1 1/2 seasons of being a head coach!
It’s so simple, you fool. Mike Kenn and Jeff Van Note — they just talked too much!
Yes, that pretty much summarizes Mora’s press conference this past week. In attempting to deflect questions about the we-no-speak practice of the Falcons’ offensive linemen, Mora inferred the reason past Atlanta teams struggled was because linemen like Kenn and Van Note were so gosh darn articulate.
Because, you know, nothing tears at the chemistry of a team quite like a quote from the center.
It’s the reason offensive linemen are such prima donnas. When the NFL put in rules to limit celebrations, it was because the tackles and centers had spun out of control. And then there’s the celebrity and hip-hop element with the left guards, and …
Ugh.
Meanwhile, back on earth, the Falcons’ linemen are run-blocking very well. So well, it would almost be worth it to talk to them. But I digress.
Atlanta leads the league in rushing (188 per game) — and, amazingly, it’s mostly because of a running back (Warrick Dunn, 104.6), not Michael Vick. Also blocking. But I digress.
Falcons-Dolphins will be all about running. And blocking. There I go again.
The line says Falcons by 2. I say they win and cover.
And if they lose, I’m blaming Van Note.
FOUR BAGS
• Colts at Patriots: Tony Dungy said this week, “It’s still Week 8 and it’s still one game.” OK, T.D. Just jeep telling yourself that. Peyton Manning may be 7-0 this season but he’s 0-7 in New England and has lost six straight to the Pats. I’ll believe a detour is coming when I see it. Take Pats and 3 — and in an “upset.”
THREE BAGS
• Panthers at Swashbucklers: The Bucs have been doing it with funhouse mirrors. They’re really 4-foot-6 but their record makes them appear 7-1. Forget running against Carolina. Or winning. Carolina covers 1.
• Steelers at Packers: Brett Favre, upgraded to probable after his walker was fitted new suction caps, makes his 213th straight start. I’m not sure but I think that offsets the advantage Green Bay would’ve had with Ben Roethlisberger being out. Pitt covers 3.
• Eagles at Redskins: Remember the season opener when those intimidating Eagles went to midfield during warm-ups at the Georgia Dome and jumped up and down? Must’ve taken something out of them. Philly has been outscored 62-14 in the first quarter and blanked in six of seven. Skins cover 3.
TWO BAGS
• Lions at Vikings: Call me goofy but Daunte Culpepper was so screwed up before his knee exploded that Brad Johnson might represent an improvement, even if he is slightly less mobile than Ironside. That said, he’ll probably be institutionalized in a few weeks. Take Minnesota in a pick ‘em.
• Raiders at Chiefs: Trent Green threw for 347 yards and two touchdowns last week — way too late to save my Fantasy League team. Chiefs cover 4.
• Bears at Saints: Tom Benson said in an e-mail to Paul Tagliabue that he won’t let the Saints play in Baton Rouge next season because Tiger Stadium is “inadequate to non-existent.” Wait. Is he talking about the stadium or his team? His cranium? His conscience? His soul? Bears cover 3.
• Bengals at Ravens: Cincy quarterback Carson Palmer has thrown 16 touchdown passes. The entire Ravens’ roster has scored seven TDs. I generally don’t like to use a lot of statistics, except when they make Brian Billick look bad. Bengals cover 3.
• Chargers at Jets: Another exception to the stat rule: LaDainian Tomlinson has as many touchdown passes (3) as four Jets quarterbacks. Bahahahaha. San Diego covers 6.
• Giants at 49ers: San Francisco’s stadium is now called Monster Park, so named for the mutation this team has become. The new starting quarterback is Cody Pickett. Wasn’t he shot off a roof top by Gary Cooper in “High Noon”? He’ll be equally dead today. It’s a big number, but Eli Manning covers 10.
• Seahawks at Cardinals: Shaun Alexander wants a new long-term deal. This would be a good week for incentive clauses. Seahawks cover 4.
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR TELEVISION
• Titans at Browns: Blast the play-by-play over a loudspeaker in Pakistan. That ought to chase Bin Laden out of the bushes. Browns win but take Tennessee and 3.
• Texas at Jaguars: Houston has allowed 681 yards rushing in the last three games, give or take an acre. Jags win but take Texans and 13 1/2.
PROGRESS REPORT
• Last week: 10-4 straight up, 7-7 against the line.
• Fiscal season: 67-33 straight up, 52-46-2 ATL.
• Disclaimer: Results pending confirmation from Jim Mora.
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“NASCARizing” golf won’t fly
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Mark Bradley
Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, the PGA Tour this week paid NASCAR the ultimate compliment. The PGA Tour wants to graft the wildly successful Chase for the Nextel Cup onto the links of this great nation, the aim being for the FedEx Cup, to be instituted in 2007, to do for men’s golf what the Chase has done for stock cars — namely, redefine the whole season.
Sorry. Won’t work.
Here’s why: Sponsors.
Sponsors control NASCAR. Golfers control golf. We Atlantans have just witnessed a vivid case study. Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr. finished second and fourth in Sunday’s Bass Pro Shops MBNA 500 despite not being Chase-eligible. Phil Mickelson blew off this week’s Tour Championship at East Lake simply because he didn’t feel like playing.
The big golfers — Mickelson, Tiger Woods, Vijay Singh — pick and choose. A NASCAR driver runs every weekend. Jeff Gordon can’t skip a race just because he feels a little piqued. He can’t because the folks at DuPont, the company bankrolling his car, want their logo displayed before 100,000 spectators plus another hefty TV audience every time the green flag waves. Estimates put the cost for a primary sponsorship in a Nextel Cup team at upwards of $15 million. When you spend that kind of money, you expect the maximum return on your outlay.
Golfers are different. Golfers don’t have spotters and pit crews and technical designers. Golfers don’t travel in massive haulers and custom-built motor homes. Nike pays Tiger Woods to wear its clothes and use its clubs, but Nike doesn’t tell Tiger Woods where and when to play. He tells Nike where he’s headed, and company reps show up with boxes of new shirts.
The FedEx Cup is a nice idea — nice, if borrowed — in theory. “It will definitely have an intensifying effect on the last couple of months,” Stuart Appleby said Friday. “It will produce better quality fields ? [and] a lot of excitement.”
Appleby said something else: “You’re basically herding cattle toward a smaller window.”
Actually, cattle tend to travel in groups and be docile about it. Golfers are more like lone wolves. NASCAR got huge because the France family mapped a plan and everybody bought into it. The PGA Tour got bigger because Tiger Woods started winning everything he entered. And, not incidentally, he didn’t enter everything.
The FedEx Cup is designed to make the Big Names play more, but will a series of end-of-season tournaments capped by a fabricated “championship” alter the schedules of guys who adjust their calendars to prepare for the four majors above all else? Consider: Ted Purdy has played in 34 Tour events this season; Woods and Mickelson have played in 21 apiece.
As has been noted, NASCAR is different from other sports. It has its Big Event — the Daytona 500 — at the start, and then everything else is geared toward the Chase. The Chase works because Gordon and Earnhardt wanted badly to be part of it but missed the cut, not because their attentions were elsewhere.
“Do I fully understand [the FedEx Cup]? No,” Ben Crane said. “But the commissioner [Tim Finchem] has a history of doing great things for the Tour.”
Still, Tim Finchem doesn’t control golf. Tiger Woods does. And Woods, when asked Friday if he’d consider playing five or 10 more events a year to accommodate the FedEx Cup, looked at the questioner as if he were nuts. “I don’t know if my body could hold up,” Woods said. “I’ve never played in more than 21 events.”
And there’s your answer right there. Gentlemen of golf, find yourselves a different gimmick.
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