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DEL.ICIO.USWeekend Predictions
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Let me just start by saying that anybody who still goes by the name of “Scooter” at the age of 55 deserves to be hit with a 22-page indictment.
Fortunately, here at the NFL subsidiary at Weekend Predictions, you need not be worried about the potential for mid-season interruptions from pesky federal prosecutors. All of our financial analysts are free of legal entanglements, and as far as we know nothing can actually be proven. Besides, what’s really illegal in the big picture? Because when there are only 10 commandments, there’s a lot of wiggle room. So. Nice tie. Have you lost weight?
We go into Week 8 with a slight profit margin (57-29 straight up, 45-39-2 against the line). Granted, that doesn’t compare with quarterly earnings of $10 billion like Exxon. But then I have a soul and wouldn’t release a statement that claims my money-grubbing oil company “acted responsibly in pricing.”
Do you smell brimstone?
The big game this week finds Denver hosting Terrell Owens and the less significant Eagles. T.O. has put his $4.4 million New Jersey home up for sale, but his spokesperson, Kim Etheredge, actually said this doesn’t mean Owens isn’t planning on returning to Philly next season.
“Fifteen thousand square feet is a lot for one person,” she told the Daily News.
And it wasn’t a lot a year ago?
I’m sorry. But did everybody forget to pack their conscience this week?
Back to the game …
4 BAGS
Eagles at Broncos: Give Owens credit for this. While everybody and their Labrador knows Philly isn’t running the ball enough, only Owens can step up and say the Eagles need to throw more. Never mind that he leads the league in receptions. Dolt. Denver covers 3 1/2.
3 BAGS
Bills at Patriots: Tedy Bruschi is set to return just eight months after a stroke that led most to believe he should retire, proving yet again that even great athletes and wonderful people can be prone to serious lapses of judgment. New England covers 9.
Chiefs at Chargers: When you have a talented and competitive but 3-4 team like San Diego, there is a point at which you ask, “What is the coach doing wrong.” Then again, it’s a position Marty Schottenheimer should be familiar with by now. Chargers win but take K.C. and 6.
Redskins at Giants: Washington’s Santana Moss — not T.O. or Randy Moss — might now be the best deep threat in football. It follows that he’s not on my Fantasy League team. Or the Falcons. Selah. Giants win and cover 2 1/2.
2 BAGS
Jags at Shams: It was a new low for St. Louis last week when team prez John Shaw refused to let a Rams security guy put through a phone call from coach Mike Martz to an assistant while Martz was home recovering from a heart problems. Classy. Jacksonville covers 3.
Bears at Lions: Talk about no escape. Detroit QB Joey Harrington lost his starting job to Jeff Garcia but kept up his commitment to speak at a middle school, only to have a sixth-grade girl ask: “Will you be with the Lions next year?” Ouch. Lions cover 3.
Raiders at Titans: Tennessee running back Travis Henry returns from a four-game suspension for substance abuse. One look around the locker room and he may check himself back in. Take Oakland, punt the 1 1/2.
Bucs at Phoney Niners: Somebody once told me statistics are like bikinis — it’s not what they show but what they hide. Tampa’s (5-1) first seven opponents, including today, are a combined 14-30 and none have a winning record. Not that it helps San Francisco. Bucs win but take Niners and 11.
Dolphins at La. (Or L.A.): The Saints play their first game in Louisiana since Katrina. The first 10,000 fans receive blowtorches and maps to Tom Benson’s luxury suite. New Orleans wins, covers 2 1/2.
Packers at Bengals: Brett Favre has lost two running back and three receiver to injuries, which basically means he’s going to be rely heavily on Max McGee and mother’s little helpers to pass John Elway on the all-time passing list. Cincy wins and covers 9.
Ravens at Steelers: Quoth Jamal Lewis: “I’m not the type that’s going to lay down. At the same time … you want to be careful for your own health because this is the last year on my deal.” So he’s stealing money. But one good felony deserves another. Pitt covers 10.
Cardinals at Cowboys: Drew Bledsoe has 10 straight TDs with no interceptions against Arizona. Other players have similar stats ending with the same words, “against Arizona.” Dallas covers 9.
Vikings at Panthers: Carolina coach John Fox went to a Rolling Stones concert to forget his troubles last week, only to see Mick Jagger move better than Stephen Davis. But if you try sometimes, you just might get what you need: Carolina cover 7 1/2.
GO EGG GAS STATIONS
Browns at Texans: Cleveland should be motivated as 2-point underdogs to an 0-6 team. But a motivated corpse is still a corpse. Houston wins — and covers 2 1/2!
PROGRESS REPORT
Straight up: 10-3 last week, 57-29 overall.
Against the line: 6-6-1 last week, 45-39-2 overall.
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