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NFL Weekend Predictions: Falcons will do it again
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
We here at Weekend Predictions Inc., NFL Sunday and Lingerie Division, understand how your spirits might be down ever since learning recently that Atlanta failed again to win a Super Bowl bid.
But take comfort, because we still hold strong influence in the league in at least one area: Strippers!
Yes, it’s true. The investigation into the Minnesota Vikings’ Lust Boat cruise has revealed that strippers were flown in from three cities, including Atlanta, according to the St. Paul Pioneer Press.
It’s not known how this information will be taken by NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who seems to prefer all extra-curricular activities somehow be channeled through businesses in warm-weather climates, specifically Miami and Tampa. But it would explain Friday’s announcement by the Atlanta Sports Council that all future Super Bowl bids will be handled by the newly formed committee of Trixi, Bambi, Candi, Cyndi, Serenity, Passion and Joy. (I didn’t phone Gary Stokan of the Sports Council to confirm this, but they don’t make anything public anyway. So I’m going with it.)
None of this necessarily leads me to the Falcons game, but as we like to say, transitions are for wimps.
On Monday night, in the national spotlight, with nary a buck-naked cruise director in sight, the Falcons play host to the New York Jets. The Falcons can run - they just can’t stop it. Sometimes they can pass, but they can’t stop that either.
But somehow, they win. Against the Jets, they’ll do it again. But 7? Don’t think so. Falcons win but sail with the Jets and the points.
FOUR BAGS
• Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: The Bengals think they’re pretty good and the pecking order in the AFC Central is about to change. They’re half right. Carson Palmer and Ben Roethlisberger may be a push but there’s one thing the Steelers can do that the Bengals can’t: stop the run. Make that 10 straight on the road for the ‘Burgh. Take Steelers and the point.
THREE BAGS
•San Diego at Philadelphia: Actual factual: The Eagles’ pass-to-run ratio is nearly 4-to-1, which explains running back Brian Westbrook venting this week. And if you’re into conspiracy theories: Westbrook is looking for a long-term deal but doesn’t have any stats to bring to the table, which must mean … nah. Take the Chargers and 3 1/2 — and in a straight upset.
• Denver at N.Y. Giants: The Broncos have won five straight. They won 13 straight in 1998, then lost in Jersey. If they can’t beat Danny Kannell, how will they beat Eli Manning? Giants cover 2.
TWO BAGS
• Green Bay at Minnesota: Vikes ex-owner Red McCombs on criticism from current owner Zygi Wilf: “I don’t know what Mr. Wilf has been smoking. I know that I turned over to him one of the better sports organizations in the country.” Which country? Bolivia? Packers cover 1 1/2.
• Tennessee at Arizona: Denny Green won’t divulge Arizona’s starting QB. So: Kurt Warner is 0-3 with zero TDs in those starts. Josh McCown is 1-1 with four TDs and 689 yards in those starts. OK, Denny. Don’t tell us. Cards cover 3 1/2.
• Dallas at Seattle: Peerless Price steps in for the injured Patrick Crayton, assuming he can get someone to take his shift at Sonic. Seahawks cover a field goal.
• Buffalo at Oakland: Is it just me or was Randy Moss a lot better when he was running over meter maids? Now he’s injured. Imagine if the Raiders do better without him. Oakland covers 3.
• 6-0 at 0-5: Indy is allowing 9.5 points per game. The Texans allow that on weekdays. So now that I’ve swung you to one side, try this: Colts win but take Houston and 15.
LET’S PLANT PANSIES
• Money Grubbers Bowl: If New Orleans owner Tom Benson needs advice on how to hijack a team from a city, he can ask Rams owner Georgia Frontiere today. She’ll be on the speaker phone. From her yacht. Rams cover 3.
• Baltimore at Chicago: It’s Ray Lewis vs. Brian Urlacher. Sort of. This game has viewing issues. Ravens win, 4-3. (Take the point.)
• Detroit at Cleveland: The Lions have lost seven straight road games and now they have to decide between Joey Harrington and Jeff Garcia. Arsenic, take six. Browns win, but take Lions and 3.
• San Francisco at Washington: The Phoney Niners traded quarterback Tim Rattay, thereby throwing Alex Smith to the T-Rexes. Is comic relief a draft-order tiebreaker? Skins win but take Niners and 13.
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• Straight up: 12-2 last week, 47-26 overall.
• Against the Line: 10-4 last week, 39-33-1 overall.
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