AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2005 > October > 14 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USThe Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Before we get into this week’s possible game between the Falcons and New Orleans, which is on the schedule but will not be confirmed by the team or Jim Paramoira, who may or may not be a coach and says he has no special plans for Sunday and might just walk the dog or plant daisies, though he’s not confirming the existence of the dog species or plant life on Earth, which is not to say he’s an Earthling, if indeed Earth exists, and then there’s that whole Big Bang theory … AAAAGGGH!
Anyway, about this “competitive advantage” thing that Paramoira harps on. I had a conversation with Bill Walsh once during a strike season. I had walked through the locker room and saw a Tom Cousineau jersey hanging in a stall. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “So. I see you’ve signed Cousineau for your strike team.”
Walsh: “Who told you that?”
Me: “Nobody. His jersey’s hanging up.”
Walsh: “Oh, um, no, you’re mistaken. I mean, we thought about signing him but we changed our mind.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Walsh: “Sorry. I’m late for Mensa. But you wouldn’t know about that.”
Walsh, who also had this thing about competitive advantage, didn’t even want teams to know he signed Cousineau. Of course, this thrilled Cousineau, who was not considered a competitive advantage before.
But there’s no reason to be secretive this week. It’s the Saints. They lost 52-3 last week. Jim Haslett has done less with more than any coach in NFL history during his reign of error. Just give him your playbook. He’ll still tie his shoes together.
Michael Vick was listed as “questionable” early in the week. But as Paramoira said: “What’s questionable tell you? … We’re all questionable. I might die in 30 seconds.”
Ah hah! He’s not on the injury report! LIAR!
With or without Vick. Or Mora. Or life forms. Falcons cover 5 1/2.
4 BAGS
Giants at Cowboys: New York has scored the most points in the NFC (136) and is plus-10 in turnovers the last three weeks. I hate stats. Cowboys win and cover 3 1/2.
Dude, That Was My Skull: It’s not Jeff Spicoli having a pizza delivered to Mr. Hand’s class, but you have to admire Nick Saban for starting a blazed certified yoga instructor (Ricky Williams) in his backfield. Or not. Tampa wins but take Fins and 5.
3 BAGS
Patriots at Broncos: Tom Brady has been near perfect. With that defense in New England, he’ll have to be. Take the gift 3 as Pats outgun Denver.
Chargers at Raiders: Oakland is struggling in the Red Zone despite having Randy Moss, which ticks off Al Davis, and he’s not even in a Fantasy League, unless we’re counting every day delusions. San Diego covers 2.
2 BAGS
Men of (Rhymes of Thors): So the Vikings reportedly rode The Lust Boat during a bye week. Police are investigating possible prostitution, drug use and illegal sex acts on a chartered cruise involving at least 20 players. The good news is, the Vikings finally tackled somebody. Bears cover 3.
Panthers at Lions: Roy Williams told Sports Illustrated that the Detroit receivers “don’t have any trust” in QB Joey Harrington. It’s a team-building thing. You wouldn’t understand. Take Carolina and 1.
Redskins at Chiefs: The friendship between Joe Gibbs and Dick Vermeil dates back to when they worked together on the first transcontinental railroad. Chiefs cover 6.
Bengals at Titans: Imagine how good Cincinnati would be if it didn’t lead the NFL in penalties (57). The team ranks second in wins and first in felonies. The 3 is covered.
Jaguars at Steelers: Pittsburgh may be without Ben Roethlisberger and Hines Ward, which would be a problem if Jacksonville didn’t rank 29th against the run. Steelers win, but take Jags and 3.
Jets at Bills: Vinny Testaverde and Kelly Holcomb have steadied their teams. There’s something very disturbing about that. Bills cover 3.
Rams at Colts: St. Louis coach Mike Martz has taken a leave of absence. He joins Marshall Faulk and Isaac Bruce. (I know. No respect.) Indy covers a whopper (13 1/2).
HOW ‘BOUT THAT WILL AND GRACE MARATHON?
Texans at Seahawks: Four games and Houston hasn’t forced a turnover yet. It seems so much easier in practice when they’re going against David Carr. Seattle covers 9 1/2.
Browns at Ravens: Jamal Lewis has averaged 147.6 yards per game against the Browns, a credit to his conditioning and monthly games against the Guards. Baltimore covers 5 1/2.
PROFIT MARGINS
(This has become the No Figuring League. But, hey, it’s not about profits! It’s the thrill of the ride! That’s what we like to say. Come on! Who’s with me!?! Hello? Why are you looking at me like that?)
Straight up: 7-7 last week, 35-24 overall
Against the line: 6-7-1; 29-29-1 overall
Lock of the week: Sunrise, 7:43 a.m.
Permalink | Comments (1) | Categories: Falcons / NFL, Jeff Schultz
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By geechee
October 14, 2005 09:06 PM | Link to this
I can tell from your first paragraph that there was some self doubt about the “I love SEC fans. They’re like an acid trip, only less predictable” line. So you dropped a hit for the sake of academia and then decided ‘hey I’ll write a few more columns while mind is clear and take next week off’.
You have never clarified whether the bags actually go with the prediction above it or the one below it or perhaps none of them at all.
You are a bit better with the coed picks 72+ to 68+.