AJC > Sports > Columnists > Archives > 2005 > October > 13 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USWeekend picks: Take reality over AJC.com poll
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Hoping to do for college football what eBay did for flea markets and MTV did for cheap alternatives to a frontal lobotomy, the folks at AJC.com News, Catfish and Such have come up with a poll.
Not just any poll. YOUR poll.
Yes, because we just don’t have enough polls in college football, now even you can vote for your favorite top 25 teams every week. (Voting runs from Sunday through 10 a.m. Tuesday, giving you ample time to do research. Or drink.)
As far as I can tell, you can vote for anybody. No matter the conference. No matter the record. No matter the relevance. I mean, just punch in “Georgia, 1980” — we’ll take it. (Reminds me of the Steven Wright joke: Said he saw a restaurant sign that read, “Breakfast Any Time.” So he ordered French toast during the Renaissance.)
Logic doesn’t apply at the AJC Readers poll. We just wanted to fit in with the rest.
Now here’s a shocker: This week, Georgia is No. 1!
Our voters and assorted meat-by products this week dropped USC to No. 2 because, I think, the Trojans have won only 27 straight games, toppled six countries and are now recognized on the New York Stock Exchange.
Understand, the previous week was also a good one for the Bulldogs. They had a bye. Naturally, they moved up to No. 2.
They made out a lot better than Alabama, which fell from fifth to sixth during its bye week.
Virginia Tech is thoroughly confused. It jumped from seventh to second, then dropped two spots in the last two weeks … after winning two games by 44 points. But the Hokies aren’t complaining because they have enough to deal with, just living in Blacksburg.
The good news is, we still cost only 50 cents more than Creative Loafing and they don’t even have a poll. But they do have those cool ads near the back, like, “Divorcee with monkey seeking …”
Where was I? Oh yeah, the real No. 1 team, USC visits Notre Dame. The Irish are 4-1. Fans haven’t been this excited since Lou Holtz arrived. And then left. They see upset. I see numbskulls.
The line is 12. The Trojans cover. Then drop to No. 3.
A MEAT AND SIX
Dogs at Just A Smart School Again: I’m so glad things are back to normal at Vanderbilt because fans were starting to get obnoxious. Both of them sent me e-mails. The Commodores started 4-0, then forget to look both ways before crossing Middle Tennessee State. Then came the LSU carnage. Georgia will be happy to learn this is Vandy’s homecoming game. Like, aren’t you supposed to beat up on homecoming opponents? Doggies cover 16.
Tech at Duke: Lose this game and this is what Chan Gailey will hear at the airport before the flight home: “I’m sorry sir, but there must be some mistake. Your ticket says ‘coach.’” How do you lose to N.C. State? And get shut out for 2 1/2 quarters. At home. Boise or Bust! Jackets cover the 20 1/2.
Bammy at Old. Ms.: Even Mike DuBose is praising Alabama’s recovery, but then he brought a lot to Tuscaloosa himself: NCAA police, sexual harassment and a three-win season. But fear not. DuBose has landed on his hooves. He’s the defensive coordinator at Millsaps. Actually, he works in the cafeteria. He just uses the defensive coordinator thing as a pickup line. Tide covers 12 1/2.
Miami at Holy Temple: It’s the day after Yom Kippur. I’m feeling a pull from the Chosen Peeps. Canes win but take Temple Beth Owls and 41.
Cry Wolfs at LSU: Just to bring you up to date on the altered state of things in the SEC: Florida couldn’t carry Prairie View’s moo strap and Alabama won’t lose a game for the next 137 years. I love SEC fans. They’re like an acid trip, only less predictable. Well, here’s something you wouldn’t guess. Take Florida and six. In fact, here’s this week’s out-on-a-limb pick: Gators in straight upset.
Auburn at Arkansas: After beating Louisiana Monroe, one Arkansas player gushed, “Confidence is high right now.” Teams seldom get so euphoric when they end three-game losing streaks by beating Louisiana Monroe. Enough about the state of things in Little Rock. Auburn covers 7 1/2.
KEEPING TRACK, SORT OF
(Coming off a hot week. You may bow now.)
Straight up: 6-0 last week, 31-7 overall.
Contra el numero: 5-1 last week, 22-16 for the fiscal year.
Permalink | Comments (26) | Categories: Jeff Schultz, Tech / ACC, UGA / SEC
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By geechee
October 13, 2005 09:22 PM | Link to this
I thought I’d try to be first on and get the hell out before the bullets and arrows start flying. This has by far been your best since the start of the pigskin season. You had me smiling, even through the Dog’s comments, up till the Holtz line, at which point, I could no longer hold back the laughter. Good yontif, aloha.
By CW
October 13, 2005 09:46 PM | Link to this
Jeez, Schultz pack your desk and get out. I can’t believe an AJC employee acknowledged the existence of another media outlet in Atlanta, much less the ‘loaf.
By Cameron Crazies
October 13, 2005 09:54 PM | Link to this
Jeff,
I’m disappointed you didn’t at least mention the 42-17 thing two years ago or the fact that it snapped a 30 game…….well you know the rest and it has been well documented on the other blogs.
Great beat, I actually laughed out loud several times.
Sincerely,
Shock ‘em Shockley (Charter member of Fans of Chan)
P.S. I didn’t take you for one that fit into the demographics for Creative Loafing’s target market, so can I assume you did a little research on that one? Whatever it is keep up the good work.
By jason
October 13, 2005 09:57 PM | Link to this
Jeff, I suppose as a Dawg fan I should be indignant. But I must admit that is some fine writin. I am not sure what is funnier the Creative Loafing reference or the Chan in Coach line. At any rate I cant be mad at such banter. Now if you will excuse me I have some voting to do on this here poll.
By geechee
October 13, 2005 09:59 PM | Link to this
Wow, thirty minutes later and still no bullets. Your readers must be a younger crowd with an early bed time. In my hasty departure earlier I was amiss in not pointing out that you failed to understand that during that 27 game win streak, none have been against that rabid pack of junkyard dogs from the Classic City. Also Bradley said to be sure and thank you for the Blacksburg comment.
By Joe
October 13, 2005 10:42 PM | Link to this
Jeff, the USC bit was brilliant. I am a sucker for that type of funny. Way to go and keep the laughs coming. Have not smiled like that since Seinfeld went off the air.
By UGA Rocks
October 14, 2005 04:32 AM | Link to this
burp…did somebody pass gas??
By GTNE80
October 14, 2005 08:01 AM | Link to this
Jeff, Thanks for the Chan joke. I’ll be using that one often, or at least until Chan finally boards that plane leaving my dear Ma Tech. Keep up the good work.
PS - Has Dave Braine even picked up on the fact that Chan’s biggest fans are also Dawg fans (e.g., Shock Shockley)?
By WolfDawg
October 14, 2005 08:18 AM | Link to this
As usual, another well written column. Been reading it for years, and … Yes, I’m a UGA grad who appreciates your sense of humor. Good luck with your search through the “cool ads in the back” of Creative Loafing.
By Tom
October 14, 2005 08:32 AM | Link to this
Nothing reads woirse than humor that fails.
By Brian
October 14, 2005 08:50 AM | Link to this
Does anyone, Jeff included, know how you go about getting a coach fired if you are not one of the boosters that gives $1 million? Regardless of the Duke outcome, it is time for Chan to go. Did anyone else see the pasting NC State got AT HOME last night by the Anderson, SC Kittens?
By wes
October 14, 2005 09:17 AM | Link to this
GT’s offense is so much fun to watch! Man, if I was a top-rated prospect, I’d definitely want to go there.
Nix, Gailey, step into my office!
By Michael
October 14, 2005 10:15 AM | Link to this
Jeff, I’m as big of a Dawg fan as anybody, but you’re right; UGA #1 in any poll is just silly. The AJC should just save themselves the embarrassment and stop the poll right now.
By Charles
October 14, 2005 10:39 AM | Link to this
Funny as hell, Jeff! Keep up the good work.
By Erajh
October 14, 2005 11:18 AM | Link to this
This was probably one of your best columns ever. Nice job!! Go Dawgs!!!
By chip
October 14, 2005 12:00 PM | Link to this
The only thing more predictable than Chan Galey’s offense is the Braves in October
By Puppet, Please!
October 14, 2005 12:20 PM | Link to this
Oh the puns!!! HAHAHAHA! Ole Ms.!! Hysterical!!!!HAHAAHA! Holy Temple!! My god where do you come up with this stuff?! Its as if Henny Youngman is writing from beyond the grave. Take My State Technical School of Derision, Please!! HAHAHAHA! Please, Jeff, Please take that act on the road, PLEASE!!! No,really, PLEASE stop writing these stupid, inane columns. What is the point? What is funny about pointing out the stupidity of a FAN poll. Their mere existence is a joke in and of itself. You don’t even require 25 teams in a poll. Why? Because most of the idiots only know UGA, Tech, UT, BAMA, FLA and, oh yeah, USC. But then again I pay to read it, so who’s the dummy? Jeff, please, spend the 20 minutes you take to right your column to write something somewhat creative and informative. I mean would it kill you to lambaste the odds makers who come out with idiotic lines like last nights NC State -4 against a much better Clemson team? NC State is 1-4 ATS in the last 5 years and has a 10-20 record as a home favorite in the Amato era. Now that would be worth reading…at least to me.
By chris
October 14, 2005 01:54 PM | Link to this
Hey Cameron get the score right you idiot. It was 41-17. Shows what an idiot you are.
By TimDawg
October 14, 2005 02:28 PM | Link to this
The Chan comment reminds me of the very oft overplayed AirTran commerical with the sheep! You’re harsh, as you know Chan is made of “flesh and blood like the rest of us, ya know!”
And by the way, he STILL hasn’t scored and it’s almost been a week since the Dawgs vs. UT game.
Dawgs cover this weekend, cause Mark don’t let the boys’ emotions get too far out of check one way or the other. Now there’s a great coach!
By DawgByte
October 14, 2005 02:30 PM | Link to this
A fan poll is absurd… nothing the AJC surprises me any more.
The only poll worth taking is one asking fans whether Chan Gailey should pack Terrence Moore under his arm on his way to a permanent vacation.
By DesertDawg
October 14, 2005 03:30 PM | Link to this
Puppett—up your dose of medication and get a life—it looks as though 99% of the readers enjoyed the column—it was funny as hell. Why do you even get the paper- other than to check the spreads ???
By Puppet, Please!
October 14, 2005 03:47 PM | Link to this
DesertDawg- I guess you one of the morons who thinks UGA should be #1 and still says “AAAAAAYYYY” to all the girls because that Fonzie sure was cool. 99% of the morons like yourself like this drivel that the AJC puts out. Unlike the rest of the sheep I want to get something for the money I pay for. How about some REAL analysis and educated opinions. Oh I forgot, that takes hard work and dedication, better stick to the lame jokes and inane observations. Here’s one for Jeff to use next week. “LSU? How about LS-snooze? Were the Bengal Toothless’ sleeping against the SUB-Urbans while their SUV’s drove home TD after TD?” That took 30 seconds to write. Of course if you’re a DAWG fan you are comfortable with accepting less than excellence.
By Dawwwgs
October 14, 2005 05:59 PM | Link to this
Jeff,
As always, a hilarious column. Keep it up.
By D-man
October 14, 2005 07:37 PM | Link to this
Good job as usual Jeff, I always enjoy your columns…this one was definitely a laugher…good material…rock on!
By geechee
October 14, 2005 10:42 PM | Link to this
Puppet, Please! you want “analysis and educated opinion”? Let’s analyze.
“Here’s one for Jeff to use next week. “LSU? How about LS-snooze? Were the Bengal Toothless’ sleeping against the SUB-Urbans while their SUV’s drove home TD after TD?â€??
Are you serious? It took you thirty seconds to think of the above? It is absolute meaningless giberish. How long would we possibly have to wait for a complete thought?
“What is funny about pointing out the stupidity of a FAN poll?”
Asked and answered idiot.
“I mean would it kill you to lambaste the odds makers who come out with idiotic lines like last nights NC State -4 against a much better Clemson team? NC State is 1-4 ATS in the last 5 years and has a 10-20 record as a home favorite in the Amato era. Now that would be worth reading…at least to me.”
The truth at last to your anger. Your football loses. You are not actually supposed to go out and bet your money on his picks, they are for entertainment purposes only. You are expected to know a little something about the games yourself.
If you paid your money for point spread theories, cry all you want but predictions are all you get. It’s a sports column not a sports gambling column.
“Unlike the rest of the sheep I want to get something for the money I pay for.”
I’m sure the rest of the sheep are just a wee bit nervous whenever you come around Puppet,Please!, you pompous putz. You buy the paper for the same reason the overwhelming majority in the ATL do; because you are paranoid of missing a sale ad in the retail mecca of the Western World. Schultz’s column is just a little something extra they are nice enough to throw in the deal so there is real value.
By jtl
October 15, 2005 11:31 AM | Link to this
geechee, well put.
Puppet,Please! shut up. it thoroughly annoys me that i actually subjected myself to your pathetic attempts at being witty. keep it to yourself.