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Saturday, August 27, 2005
Braves no surprise now until they fail
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Let’s start with this: It’s not 1991. Your pants don’t fit any more, nobody’s having Nick Esasky acid flashbacks and Terry Pendleton isn’t hitting that rare baseball exacta: comeback player of the year and MVP.
“You can’t really say this is like ‘91,” said Pendleton, now the Braves’ hitting coach, whose ‘91 pants also don’t fit anymore. “Some people didn’t think we had chance to win the division this year, but some also said, ‘You never know about those Braves. They may do it again.’ That didn’t happen in ‘91. NOBODY expected us to win.”
It’s not that nobody expected the 2005 Braves to be in position for another division title. It’s just that nobody expected these circumstances could lead to anything but six feet under.
Injuries, bullpen fires and a lineup brought to you by the Fisher-Price Gwinnett County Distribution Center: Welcome to your 2005 Atlanta Braves.
With five weeks left in the season, the Braves are clinging to first place in the East. But they are teetering. A six-game lead was halved. It’s like they were sitting in a tent when the wind kicked up, and one guy turned to the other and said, “I forget. Did we stake the corners?”
They have 33 games left. Of those, 26 come against the four teams right on their hineys: the Phillies, Marlins, Mets and Nationals.
Pendleton said he “honestly never expected” a bunch of kids would do this well. So he’s not about to start soothsaying on the rest of the season.
“You could probably list as many reasons about why we won’t win it as why we will,” he said.
Oh, they’ll win it. They’ll win it because John Smoltz has returned to the rotation to give the team a consistent power pitcher. Almost 200 innings and his arm hasn’t fallen off.
Then again, without Smoltz, the bullpen has moved to within one blown save of qualifying for FEMA funding. Forget it. The Braves will never win it.
Oh, they’ll win it. I forgot. Dan Kolb isn’t the closer anymore.
Now he’s either a middle reliever or the set-up guy. They’ll never win it.
Chris Reitsma. Good.
Chris Reitsma. Dan Kolb.
Kyle Farnsworth. Save!
Kyle Farnsworth. Ball three. Ball three. Ball three.
Aug. 23: Jeff Francouer makes the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Aug. 29: President Bush reinstates the draft and, of course, decides to start with anybody nicknamed, “Frenchy.”
July: 18-8. Bravo!
August: 11-12. Bravo â€â€? isn’t that the channel that carries “West Wing” repeats?
Fear not. They’ll win it. Andruw Jones has already hit 40 home runs. Andruw rocks. Andruw went 22 straight games in which he struck out only nine times and walked 13.
Then Andruw played 18 more games. He struck out 19 times and walked on nine. Andruw only rocks a little now.
Rafael Furcal has a .344 average and a .414 on-base percentage in the last 53 games.
Also, his knee looks like it’s in the third trimester.
The Braves will win it because Brian Jordan is back. He’s a great guy, a great leader, and when he comes off the disabled list …
Um, did I already say he’s a great guy?
The Nos. 3 and 4 starters, Mike Hampton and John Thomson, went a combined 7-3 with a 2.56 earned run average in April and May.
The Nos. 3 and 4 starters, Mike Hampton and John Thomson, are a combined 1-4 with an 11.79 ERA since. The good news is, their health insurance hasn’t been canceled.
Doesn’t matter. The Braves will win it. They’ll win it because after John Smoltz and Tim Hudson, it really doesn’t matter who the third starter is heading toward October.
Glavine-Avery-Smoltz. Kaput. Maddux-Glavine-Smoltz. Kaput. Maddux-Glavine-Millwood. Kaput.
They’ve won 13 straight division titles. They’ve been here before.
They’ve won 13 straight division titles. They’re not going to be here forever.
And the wind is kicking up.
Permalink | Comments (15) | Categories: Braves / MLB, Jeff Schultz
PREDICTIONS: It’s not eight wins, but…
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
Chan Gailey’s boss says he wants improvement. But after three seven-win seasons, Dave Braine won’t define what improvement is, even avoiding the obvious answer (duh, eight wins). We only think we know that Braine wanted Gailey to hand over his offense to somebody else. And we think Gailey said, “No!” and Braine said, “Fine! Be that way!” So I think we think Gailey might be tying his noose. Here’s what I think I know. If I had to deal with a talented but erratic Reggie Ball the past two years, academic roadblocks and those pesky NCAA issues, all in the shadow of Tech basketball and Athens football, I’d be burying myself in several pints of Haagen-Dazs. Instead, Chan Gailey lost 30 pounds. That has to count for some improvement. Which is not to say it will mean squat in the Miami game. Let’s find out:
Sept. 3, at Auburn: When you’re trying to save your job, do you want to start the season at Auburn? Cuz I’m thinking it might’ve been worth the jokes to open against Samford again. The Tigers have lost Ronnie Brown, Carnell Williams and Jason Campbell. But they’re not losing this game. Jackets go down.
Sept. 10, North Carolina: If John Bunting (19-30) has more job security than Gailey (21-17), it’s only because nobody in Chapel Hill realizes Carolina has a football team. Bunting’s specialty is defense, but his team allowed 32 points per game in the ACC last year. A win for the Buzz.
Sept. 17, Connecticut: Five UConn players were charged in May after a pellet gun was fired from inside their SUV in a convenience store parking lot. Charges against each were either reduced or dropped. Nonetheless, the SEC has begun expansion talks. If the Huskies seem a little cocky coming into this game, it’s because they start with Buffalo and Liberty. Tech to 2-1.
Sept. 24, at Virginia Tech: Given that weight loss, Gailey won’t look like a schlep when he stands next to Frank Beamer. Before the game, anyway. This week, reality comes-a-knockin’. Bees go down, and they go down hard.
Oct. 6, North Carolina State: Does any coach have less to show for a great reputation? The Wolfpack was 5-6 last season and is only 20-20 in the ACC under Chuckles. The team was a minus-17 in turnover ratio. Amato, entering year six, just hired his fourth offensive coordinator. And he sounds like a wimp. I think I just talked myself into a win. Make that 3-2.
Oct. 15, at Duke: You know that saying, “One day, I’ll look back and this will all seem funny”? Duke coaches almost never say that. Tech to 4-2.
Oct. 22, at Miami: These schools have met only twice since the Hurricanes first expanded their recruiting base to various penitentiaries in the 1980s. In eight quarters, Tech has scored one touchdown. Not good. Not getting better. Bees back to 4-3.
Oct. 29, Clemson: Last season, team Sybil beat Miami, then lost to Duke. Their win totals under Tommy Bowden: 6-9-7-7-9-6. It’s the same backward as forward. Not sure, but I think that means he’s an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in an Amato. But Bowden is handing over his offense to somebody else, so that can’t be bad news. This’ll be close. But Clemson drops Tech to .500.
Nov. 12, at Virginia: The Cavaliers have won 25 games in the past three years. But they haven’t redefined the pecking order. They started 5-0 last year, then got body-slammed by Florida State, Miami and Virginia Tech in the second half. Of course, Tech isn’t like any of those three. Back to 5-5.
Nov. 26, Georgia: The last Tech coach to beat Georgia was George O’Leary, and that almost got him a really, really good job. Wait, that didn’t come out right. Gailey has been making it closer the past three years: 51-7, 34-17, 19-13. This one could save his job. Or not. Jackets close with an upset.
Nov. 5, Wake Forest: I’ve given this game a lot of thought. Right. OK, Jackets win.
Permalink | Comments (28) | Categories: Jeff Schultz, Tech / ACC
PREDICTIONS: Hey, it’s only two losses
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Jeff Schultz
We are counting down the days to the start of the college football season, which isn’t always an easy thing to do. Fortunately, there are tools to help us. Schedules. Calendars. Or, in the case of Georgia players, little scratch marks on prison walls.
At last count, I think 27 players had been suspended for the opening kickoff of the Boise State game, which is as tough as punishment gets in Athens. Even Uga was asked to run steps for disciplinary reasons. (Something about the fleabag using his camera phone to take pictures of the answer key in obedience school, then scooting out to the hallway to erase the evidence. I dunno. I can’t imagine a player ever doing that.)
Fortunately, for Georgia fans, all that really matters is Mark Richt is 34-6 in the past three seasons. So about this season’s priorities:
Sept. 3, Boise State: It’s the year’s fashionable upset pick, which just tells you everybody is ignoring Chapter 3, Section 2, Page 16 of the Weekend Predictions Investment and Turbo Tax Cheat Codes Handbook: Don’t ever get sucked in by a team that plays its best football at home on blue plastic grass. These dudes will be catatonic just from the first Bubba Beergut they spot selling mushy peanuts on 316. Dogs win.
Sept. 10, Spurrier: But if they don’t beat Boise State, what’s the over/under on tight sphincters in Athens for this game? Yeah, yeah, South Carolina stinks. But the Poultry seldom make things easy for Georgia, and neither does this coach. It’ll be close. But make that 2-0.
Sept. 17, Louisiana-Monroe: This school has gone from Ouachita Parish Junior College to Northeast Center of Louisiana State to Northeast Junior College of Louisiana State to Northeast Louisiana State College to Northeast Louisiana University to University of Louisiana-Monroe. They can run all they like, but they can’t escape the fact they gave the world Bubby Brister. Georgia to 3-0.
Sept. 24, at Mississippi State: According to the city’s Web site, Starkville “offers a unique blend of old Southern charm and 21st century technology.” Unfortunately, both are housed inside a Wal-Mart. Make that 4-0.
Bye week: Richt has players form a conga line in leg chains. Athens sleeps peacefully.
Oct. 8, at Tennessee: Somebody’s been drinking too much orange Kool-Aid. People are talking title game in Vowel-land but there’s a good chance Tennessee will be 2-2 coming into this game (losses at Florida and LSU). So what happens when the Shockley Defining Moment happens in Knoxville and Phat Phil rolls into Tuscaloosa 2-3? Bulldogs to 5-0. (Really, I didn’t plan it this way.)
Oct. 15, at Vanderbilt: Upset! (Ratings trick.) 6-0. My hate mail from Athens plummets.
Oct. 22, Arkansas: It’s homecoming. Georgia has lost three homecoming games in the past 41 years. Fortunately, nobody ever found the bodies. Dogs continue their best start since 2002, when they went 8-0 before losing to Florida. (Foreshadowing. Writer’s trick.)
Oct. 29, Florida, Jacksonville: Splat! OK, little Chihuahuas: Take your 7-0 start and a win over the Zooker last year and be happy with it. Urban (Meyer) Renewal is about to do a tap dance in your head. Gators, Gators, Gators.
Oct. 30-Nov. 11: Georgia fans complain they were jobbed by officials.
Nov. 12, Auburn: Last year, the Dogs left Auburn with a 24-6 loss and only 68 percent of their body parts. But most of the Tigers’ offense is now in the NFL, and Georgia gets the leftovers a week before the Alabama game. Dogs to 8-1.
Nov. 19, Kentucky: Rich Brooks has hired four new assistants, which is sort of like fitting the Elephant Man with fresh socks. Easy win. National Title Hopes Revived!
Nov. 26, at Georgia Tech: In 2000, Jim Donnan lost this game, fell to 7-4 and lost his job, but was allowed to experience all the tradition of the Oahu Bowl. I have some good news for Richt: He won’t lose his job after this game and he won’t go to the Oahu Bowl. But he’s going down. Jackets pull season-ending upset.
Permalink | Comments (59) | Categories: Jeff Schultz, UGA / SEC
