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Friday, June 9, 2006
Frank-En-Furter’s Two Pfennig’s Worth
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
(I know, I know, currency freaks. Germany doesn’t have pfennigs any more. I’m going with it because it sounds oh-so-close to “pennies.” So lay off.)
Off the Ball’s Las Vegas Bureau Chief (and former Atlanta resident) Frank-En-Furter (a real, native-born German) has gladly offered to deputize this entry while she scurries about with her other website duties (thanks a lot, Belkin judge!).
Like most natives, F-E-F (who’s actually from Düsseldorf) was impressed, to a point, with Germany’s 4-2 win over Costa Rica that set a goal-scoring record for a World Cup opener.
So here is his spiel, verbatim, auf Englisch:
It was not only a good start for the German team, it was a perfect start. Scoring four goals in a World Cup opener is good for your self esteem. On the other hand Germany got a timely and painful reminder that they have to improve their defense if they want to play an important role on their hometurf. Costa Rica is not known to be one of the stronger teams of this tournament. So it has to bother Klinsmann that his team could not even hold a harmless opponent scoreless. As a German you don’t even want to think about what happens if they play one of the better teams. Especially since you probably won’t score four goals against them either.
Fortunately the next opponent (Poland) seems to be equally harmless. That means a win can bring the Germans into the 2nd round. But before the “Deutschland” fans run for the beer and brats, let’s not forget the essentials. Nothing has changed after one game. Germany was supposed to beat all three teams and cruise through the opening round. The true test will come afterwards. Still, with new self esteem and the home crowd behind you everything can happen. As England’s Gary Lineker once said: “Football is when everybody plays nicely and Germany wins it anyway.”
As hopeful the performance of Schweinsteiger, Podolski and especially Lahm was, Germany’s World Cup fortune will be linked to Michael Ballack. After his leg injury was treated by a mysterious “miracle healer” the night before the game, he declared himself fit to play, but Klinsmann decided to give him some more rest. A wise decision, since the Germans should be able to beat any team in their group without their star anyway. For Ballack, it should not be an easy World Cup. Having just left Bayern Munich for a heftier paycheck in Chelsea, Germany’s sole world class player will have to prove to the world, that he is worth the big bucks. In Munich he rarely met expectations, hardly stepping up in the big games. So there is a pretty big chance the only real German winner in these days works his magic offside the soccer field and far away in America. His name is Dirk.
Wunderbar, Frank. Danke, danke schön. A blogging star from the get-go.
On Saturday Off the Ball will be blogging off the England-Paraguay match, if she survives the trip to the pub. 9 a.m. kickoff. Yeeeesh!
It’s finally here! So cheer up!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
AP / The World Cup is F-U-N! So relax and enjoy, no matter where you are.
Off the Ball’s traumatic third grade experience led her to grasp a singular, inescapable conclusion: Schoolmarms are the scourge of the educational experience.
This belief has been further reinforced by the come-lately chiming from America’s sportswriting sweetheart about why Americans don’t get the World Cup.
While it’s hard not to agree with every word she has said, the you-better-eat-your-vegetables quality to her writing (she knows no other way to put words together) is typically depressing. Yes, some of my readers point out, this is the best thing she’s written in a long time. That’s just the problem, isn’t it?
Today is the start of the World Cup. In about three hours time, Germany kicks off with Costa Rica, and a month of bliss, joy, exasperation and insanity will be for the taking for those of us who care to soak it all in. I could care less about why most of my fellow countrypersons don’t give a good corner kick about the game.
If they want to obsess with baseball on-base percentages, third-string tight end recruits or whatnot, then let them. That’s all fine by me. If knuckleheads hosting call-in radio shows want to bash soccer, they should go right ahead. If the game generates nothing but a big yawn on these shores, who am I to tell them to wake up?
This column, as are so many that have penned by American scribes in recent days, smacks of “it’s all about us.” Why can’t WE get with the program? Why can’t WE get excited? Yes, I wish the World Cup were the manic focus of this nation’s attention. I wasn’t here four years ago when the Yanks made their quarterfinal run, as I was chronicling it in Korea. But I’ve been told that it was the biggest sports story in America for a few days, from the Mexico to the Germany games.
That’s a big breakthrough, folks. Just because we don’t have dancing samba girls shaking their thighs around The Bruce for a month beforehand, or have the ridiculous press corps following the Yanks that Beckham, England & Co. have to deal with doesn’t mean there’s a dearth of following here.
We’ve got posted on this website a list of a dozen or so places in the Atlanta area to watch the games. Some are hospitable to fans of particular nations, and we know the list is far from complete. In the first week I aim to visit a few. On days I want to stay home and watch, I’m comforted by the fact that the ESPN monolith is covering every game, and is really starting to take this event seriously. Although I understand no Spanish, I may catch a bit on Univision once in a while.
And we can listen to, watch or read just about every word uttered or printed about the World Cup on the Internet. Yesterday I tuned into the BBC’s Five Live Sports show from Munich, and it was a romp, alternately informative and entertaining in the uniquely British way. The only thing you can’t hear are the games, which are available for streaming only in the U.K. If you need your fix, you can get it, for the most part.
This is too happy and exciting a time to be worrywarts about why our country is isolationist about soccer. There are far too many people here, including many of you, who feel the way I do, for this to bring us down.
We are beyond that. Too bad that so many of my countrypersons, and fellow media professionals, can’t see beyond their own myopia to enjoy it anyway.
The schoolmarms wouldn’t appreciate The Guardian’s last pre-World Cup podcast, which talks about naughty things in such a refreshing, adult way that make many of us here in The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave very uncomfortable.
Near the end, the lads discuss the new line of condoms issued for England’s appearance in the World Cup. These products are known as “Victory Vibes,” and the bhoys wonder if the slogan “Come On, England” should or shouldn’t have a comma. I’m no grammarian, but I do know if England doesn’t do so well sales will surely plummet.
Oh, the schoolmarms are uptight now, just as they are by the sight of the samba girls.
Enjoy it all, folks, and I’ll be back after the games today.
