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Home > Jeff Schultz > Archives > 2008 > October > 16 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USSaving the economy with football picks
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
In yet another sign of how the economy is crushing the small business owner, a man in Vero Beach, Fla., this week went to the drive-thru window at a McDonalds and tried to pay for his food with marijuana.
The transaction never was completed and the man was arrested, but it did give McDonald’s the idea of test marketing the, “Really Really Happy Meal,” of which, of course, the average Vero Beach drive-thru customer would eat, oh, I dunno, 27.
Hey, it’s business.
This week at Clemson, Tommy Bowden “resigned” just as the athletics director was painting over his name in the parking lot. Bowden got $3.5 million to just go away. Hey, it’s business. Factoring for inflation, the Tigers used to pay at least that for players when Danny Ford was winning titles.
Now they’re honest. But they stink. Clemson hasn’t won the ACC in 17 years. The football team is so bad that admissions is starting to worry because students are beginning to realize, “Aaagh! We’re in Clemson!”
This week, the Tigers will be coached by Dabo Swinney, who might be a really nice guy, but has no shot with that name. Clemson is a home underdog (2 points) to Georgia Tech, which is just happy to not be playing another 1-AA team (more like a 1-C-minus).
Paul Johnson said he expects Clemson to “play like their hair is on fire.” Safe to assume somebody is about to get lit up. What’s that smell?
Give the two. Jackets cover.
College Mini-Pack
• Vandy at Georgia: The Bulldogs have been penalized 64 times for 513 yards. Given Mark Richt’s spiritual beliefs, isn’t it time to put a confessional booth on the sideline? Dogs win. But give me the 15 and the smart team.
• The U(gly) at Duke: The ACC question of the week: Which program has more cache, Miami or Duke? The Canes are still looking for their first conference win. Lose this and they’ll be bolted to last place. Miami covers 41/2.
• Old Ms. at Alabama: Just pencil in 9-0 and seven parades until LSU week. And then a prediction that will astound you! (Marketing made me do that.) Tide covers 13.
• Arkansas at Kentucky: Bobby Petrino returns to the state where he went 4-0 against Kentucky and held job interviews in an airplane hangar. Petrino actually won last week at Auburn. But he remains winless against programs that aren’t melting down. Cats over Porkpies and cover the 8 1/2.
NFL Value Menu
• Matt Ryan: Off. Swooning to resume next week.
• Pompei at Rams: Pacman Jones has entered an alcohol treatment center. I wouldn’t want to be the security guard at the front door. Meanwhile, Atlanta attorney Manny Arora has gone underground while he negotiates Jones’ next signing bonus — a carton of cigarettes at Leavenworth. Dallas covers 7.
• Jets at Raiders: Brett Favre, ESPN’s director of content and pandering, told the network that he phoned Tony Romo after learning of Romo’s broken finger, offered his support, and I believe recommended 37 Vicodin. Take the 3, but Oakland wins this straight up.
• Steelers at Bungles: Ben Roethlisberger is a native of Ohio. He is 10-0 in the state. It sounds pretty impressive until you realize he’s playing only Cleveland and Cincinnati. The ‘Burgh covers 9 1/2.
• Seagulls at Bucs: Seattle has gone from Super Bowl to grease fire in three years. Jim Mora’s defense is allowing 30 points per game. Then again, it’s hard coming up with gameplans when you’re playing ring-and-run all night at Ty Willingham’s house. Bucs cover 10 1/2.
• Titans at Chiefs: About this bunk that the Chiefs owed it to Tony Gonzalez to trade him: The dude has $17 million in guarantees in his latest contract. He can throw himself a sympathy party. Tennessee goes to 6-0, but won’t cover the 8.
Bonus Picks
• Deer Hunting: Bambi Blasting season opens in Georgia.
Several more “retirements” have once again decimated the Furry Peaceful Happy Joyful Prairie-Prancing creatures’ roster and forced the team to rebuild.
The coaching staff is switch to Chicago’s old 46 Defense but lacks a true pass rusher.
Meanwhile, the Georgia DNR has set up a hotline to capture poachers, because:
“Poachers rob you of hunting opportunities.” And dang it, you deserve the right to hide in a tree dressed in full body armor and have an opportunity to blow off Bambi’s head with assault weapons because LORD KNOWS THE DEER MIGHT TWITCH HIS NOSE AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW WE’RE ALL SPEAKING RUSSIAN!
I feel better now. Bambi’s going down. Easy cover.
Turnover ratios
• Last week: We had very nice weather.
• So far, so feh: 42-26 straight up, 30-36-2 vs. the line.
Permalink | Comments (72) | Post your comment | Categories: Tech/ACC, UGA/SEC
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Comments
By Eric C.
October 16, 2008 6:27 PM | Link to this
Cerebral my a*…they got 107 yds at MSU!!!!!! Even with the expected -2 TO margin against Vandy’s opportunistic defense…UGA covers easily.
By Calvin's Johnson
October 16, 2008 6:28 PM | Link to this
GO JACKETS!
By Drexel Gal
October 16, 2008 7:05 PM | Link to this
As a Tech alum, I hate to say this … however … Clemson will be fired up this week, and the fumble-prone Jackets will be the victims of their passion and anger.
Clemson 23, GT 10.
By Jeff Schultz's Mama
October 16, 2008 7:55 PM | Link to this
JEFF, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER FED YOU THOSE PAINT CHIPS WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD. SWITCH OVER TO THE OBITUARY COLUMN BECAUSE YOUR JOURNALISM CAREER WILL BE LISTED THEIR SOON. GOD LOVE YOU, BUT YOU ARE A RAGING MANIAC.
JEFF’S MAMA
By LESD
October 16, 2008 7:57 PM | Link to this
I’ll give you Vandy and the points. How much? Shall we say….$700 billion.
By techman
October 16, 2008 7:59 PM | Link to this
drexel gal is a dawg fan… jackets win 21-17
By gregodawg
October 16, 2008 7:59 PM | Link to this
I hate stupid deer monsters.They seem so snooty-that said, I have never been hunting, but I will splash the beedy eyed demons, with my F-150.
By Stew
October 16, 2008 8:31 PM | Link to this
Raiders over Brett the JET? You are nuts. Jets by 4 touchdowns.
By Learned one
October 16, 2008 8:31 PM | Link to this
When will some of these UGA homers ever learn? Vandy kicked that Georgia @ss 2 years ago and had the dawgs beat when they fumbled the ball at the dawg 10 yard line with only a few minutes left in a game they should have won. How quickly you forget how tough Vandy is for you. Must be the same homers who were saying UGA could win the national title before that Alabama freight train pounded the dawgs into the Georgia red clay. My Bama friend thinks its hilarious that dawg fans are stupid enough to want a rematch and get a double dose of humiliation. Doesn’t look like you have to worry about that again though. Its pretty obvious that after BAMA destroyed UGA and Florida bashed LSU that it will be the mighty gators meeting up with the Tide and not the paper bulldogs.
By BREAKING -- NEWS
October 16, 2008 8:43 PM | Link to this
OLE MISS beat the un-mighty gators, and will beat baby bama.
By partial qualifier drop-out
October 16, 2008 8:46 PM | Link to this
If I can get in Florida, anybody can.
By David Creed
October 16, 2008 8:53 PM | Link to this
JS…Pompei is on the road at the Rams you big dummy…and if O wins you’ll be glad to eat Bambi like me and my friends give out every fall to the less fortunate…You big dummy…
By Wisdom
October 16, 2008 8:54 PM | Link to this
It’s about time for another GEORGIA winning streak like last year, with Alabama and Florida struggling in the latter part of the season.
By David C
October 16, 2008 8:56 PM | Link to this
Cowboys are at Rams idiot
By bowden bowl
October 16, 2008 9:03 PM | Link to this
GEORGIA TECH 59…CLEMSON 0
By orange hair on fire
October 16, 2008 9:08 PM | Link to this
GEORGIA TECH 59—-CLEMSON 0
By mcdawg
October 16, 2008 9:48 PM | Link to this
the penalty thing is getting a bit tiresome-dawgs win big
By Oxford Parade
October 16, 2008 9:52 PM | Link to this
By kenr
October 16, 2008 10:05 PM | Link to this
The 270 covers. If its brown its down!
By Reuben Houston & Quitsy Carter
October 16, 2008 10:08 PM | Link to this
I’ll have a quarter pounder…hold the pounder…and I’d like to super-size that…
By Vandy schmandy...
October 16, 2008 10:10 PM | Link to this
Learned one, it’s still Vandy! They had a better team last year, and have been fortunate to get 5 wins so far with comeback wins over SC and Auburn. Dawgs will roll.
By Terrible Truth
October 16, 2008 10:16 PM | Link to this
Of all your parents daughters, they are proudest of you, Jeffy.
By Ed
October 16, 2008 10:29 PM | Link to this
Oh how cute you are.
By NC Conserv
October 16, 2008 10:52 PM | Link to this
Jeff,
Coach Richt is a Christian, not a Catholic. Catholics use confessional booths.
By MidnightRambler
October 16, 2008 11:18 PM | Link to this
WOW! Clemson’s James Davis with tears streaming down his face on ESPN Thursday Night Football. If the Tigers are that emotional about losing their coach, the Yellow Jackets had REALLY better be fired up and ready to play, because it looks like Clemson will be. Harper sounded like a jerk, but he won’t be the starting QB. I am concerned. Tech by 1 in a thriller!
By benadawg
October 16, 2008 11:18 PM | Link to this
Saturday is the day of the dawg, It’s homecoming for gods sake, oh sorry about that CMR. Moreno gets his first 300 yd game, Then leaps over Bobby Johnson who is heard to say “just Wait til i get to Clempson”…..Go Dawgs
By Supes
October 16, 2008 11:25 PM | Link to this
UGA is due for a big game from the offense against a SEC team.
As long as they execute UGA will cover.
By Brian
October 16, 2008 11:57 PM | Link to this
NC Conserv, Since when were catholics not christians?
By desertdawg
October 17, 2008 12:13 AM | Link to this
unlearned 1—be careful what you wish for—Bammer better take care of their own business before looking forward to Atlanta—last I checked they havent been there in a while because of Tenn and Auburn—let alone LSU. roll tide roll—-around the bowl and down the hole you hillbillies. And an “a$$ kickin” is not kicking a field goal with seconds left to win—genius
By G&W
October 17, 2008 12:21 AM | Link to this
Clemson 24, tech 13. Go Tigers!
By G&W
October 17, 2008 12:25 AM | Link to this
Hey Nerds? Gardner-Webb?
By hoyajacket
October 17, 2008 12:51 AM | Link to this
Hey Necks: 31-0 at the half??? At halftime?! Worthy of that #1 ranking…BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
By Elmo
October 17, 2008 3:43 AM | Link to this
Gardner-Web’s performance against Tech should make somebody wonder - damn sure it’s not Jeff. Just keep kicking cat litter on that Bama Turd that you fear Jeff…….
By TommyP
October 17, 2008 6:13 AM | Link to this
Awesome column this week.
The Bambi stuff never gets old. Priceless.
By The Grinch
October 17, 2008 6:16 AM | Link to this
I love the caption under the photo for this. The photo shows exactly two people: a 19 year old kid in a uniform with a Riddell buckled on his head and an old white guy with headphones on shouting in his ear. The caption feels the need to point out to us which one is the coach. Good job.
By marie
October 17, 2008 7:06 AM | Link to this
funny bammer still thinks a game has only one half- but what do they have to think with???
By rxdawg2003
October 17, 2008 7:27 AM | Link to this
Brian,
It’s a protestant thing. They think they are the only “Christians” in the world. Catholics look at Protestants as Christians, but not vice versa. Catholics might as well be satanists to a Protestant.
By Dawg4Life
October 17, 2008 7:38 AM | Link to this
14 points is a pretty big spread for a Georgia team that plays ball control all game. Look for much of the same against Vandy. 7-8 yd passes, 5-6 yd runs, 7-8 minute drives, and suffocating defense. Mix in 2-3 big plays, and there you go. Hopefully we get tds instead of fgs. I think UGA covers, but barely. UGA 28 - Vandy 13.
Clemson vs. GT is an interesting game. Being that GT only scored 10 pts against an all women’s school last week, I am thinking that GT is “upset” in this one with a fired up Clemson team on the otherside of the ball. GT is a much improved team though, good job guys. See you in Athens.
By Ted Striker
October 17, 2008 7:46 AM | Link to this
If Vegas ever puts out an Over/Under for Terence Moore turning commenting off on his columns — I’ll bet anything under 24 hours every single time.
Yeah, I may lose that bet on occasion, but it appears obvious TM is unwilling to man up like his coworkers — leaving commenting open and taking (often unfair) criticism. Why open commenting at all if you can’t take it?
By NC Klansman
October 17, 2008 8:08 AM | Link to this
It really is a shame we can’t hunt down Catholics and string ‘em up like we could in the old days.
By Steve Shirley
October 17, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this
Really don’t care for Shultz’s writing style. Started to get offended by his Clemson comments. Then I read his record for the year (42 - 26 and 30 - 36) and I realized the facts bare out what I was thinking. Just another blowhard with a column who really doesn’t know much.
By BooYah
October 17, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this
T-echhh football is practically unwatchable, like “Sex and The City”, “Accountant Smack-down”, or “Survivor: Valdosta”…who cares?
It’s also baffling to me why the school chose the yellow-jacket as its mascot, as 98% of its graduates would run screaming from a REAL yellow-jacket.
Entertaining as always, Jeffro.
BooYah!
By Jack Mehoff
October 17, 2008 8:52 AM | Link to this
Hey, hoyajacket…..What’s YOUR team’s ranking? That’s what I thought. Apparently, the pollsters know something….you are still in the “others receiving votes” category. I guess that near stumble last week had more influence on those who vote on such things than you realize, huh?
By Jack Mehoff
October 17, 2008 8:53 AM | Link to this
Hey, hoyajacket…..What’s YOUR team’s ranking? That’s what I thought. Apparently, the pollsters know something….you are still in the “others receiving votes” category. I guess that near stumble last week had more influence on those who vote on such things than you realize, huh?
By Jack Mehoff
October 17, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this
Hey, hoyajacket…..What’s YOUR team’s ranking? That’s what I thought. Apparently, the pollsters know something….you are still in the “others receiving votes” category. I guess that near stumble last week had more influence on those who vote on such things than you realize, huh?
By wordy
October 17, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this
If you think Jeff sucks so bad why do you read his column and then blog about it. If you don’t like it stop reading and go to another page. But he is doing something to earn a paycheck cause he got you to read and blog on this site. Dummy.
Dawg4life: I agree on the dawgs spread. They win but in a close one.
Jackets cover easy against a spillerless teger team. Go Jackets.
By GeoffDawg
October 17, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this
Isn’t it comical how more than half of the UGA bashers never identify their team? Leads me to believe their postings have more half truths and obfuscations than O’Liary’s resume.
By Dawg Fud
October 17, 2008 9:10 AM | Link to this
Jeff
you finally you wised up and did not take the Dawgs to cover.
By Jeff Schultz
October 17, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
Mama: You know, the good thing about writing obits is the subject is never going to claim you misquoted him. …. Stew: Jets by four touchdowns? How much can you afford to lose? …. Rams-Cowboys game site adjusted last night, all. Thanks for catch. And the love. …. Reuben! Where have you been, dude? …. NC Conserv: And I’m Jewish. We repent one day a year (outside of a closet) and we’re cleansed for the rest of the year. ….. Brian: I was gonna say that, too, but I don’t want to start a holy war. …. TommyP: Thanks. Hate hunting, but I love cheeseburgers. …. Dawgfud: What’s that saying? Fool me once; fool me 17 times …?
By NotaAtlantafan
October 17, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this
Who has the SEC dominated? They are average at best this year. Please stop pumping up the collective chests of sec fans.
By timthebrave
October 17, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this
Jeff Schultz. Great article. Love the Old Ms. reference
By BrewTiger
October 17, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this
Jeff,
Do yourself a favor and never - NEVER - go back and take too close a look at UGA recruiiting in the Vince Dooley era (the Herschel Walker files should make a good starting point), or you may never be able to write the word cheating again with a straight face. Not that hypocrisy has ever troubled you to begin with. Probably no mirrors in your house, anyway.
By That_Guy
October 17, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this
Jack Mehoff- if the pollsters knew everything, BYU wouldn’t have been #9 would they? They can’t know until the end of the year. If you check the computer rankings (unbiased, albeit not perfect), GT is right in the mix. Who has UGA beat this year? No one in the top 25- same as GT. The one big game AT HOME they got smacked in the face. GT lost ON THE ROAD by 3. And GT didn’t lose any spots by barely winning last week. It was ugly, but it was a #3 and #4 QB playing- any team would be ugly. So before you go spouting off, have UGA actually beat somebody.
By wxwax
October 17, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
Love your writing, Herr Schultz.
But it’s “cachet”, not “cache”.
By Eric Rhodes
October 17, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
clemson your gone to lose 30-0 baby.
By Dawg Fud
October 17, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
Yes, Jeff, I do believe that’s the saying.
I love the Dawgs but we rarely cover. At least you pushed last weekend and can win your money back from the Bama game.
By Missman
October 17, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this
Bama, Schma, Damma….Ole Miss wins straight up, just like we did at Florida. Schultzie,did you play football at all?
By yellowblood
October 17, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
The Tickle Pile in Clemson is going to be WONDERFUL!
By JJ the Jet Plane
October 17, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this
I want to shoot the “horned ba$tard” that ran into the back of my wife’s car and knocked the bumper off. Lock and load! (Jeff, that is hunter talk for Gentlemen, start your engines).
PS Jeff, when are you and Terrence - i don’t want noMoore, getting hitched? I heard the two of you were making a quick trip to California before the voters elected to get rid of Homo Marriage.
By Kendawg
October 17, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this
I would be surprised if we have a breakout game against Vandy. CMR seldom runs up the score on anybody. Also, Vandy doesn’t make many mistakes, which leads to some very close games. The only thing that might change this is they haven’t played a team with our offensive firepower. If the O-line is finally coming together, we might pile up some serious points on Vandy.
By Not Disappointed
October 17, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this
Go Jackkets!!!!!!!!!!!!
By Poco
October 17, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this
Say what you want to ladies and gents, it is the year of the Tide!! The first 6 games we have outscored the opponent 202-81……….and I thought we were a year or two away. It’s good to be a BAMA fan. Good article JS!!
By Head Coach Paul Johnson
October 17, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this
Jeff, I just got back from the doctor and he told me the prescriptions should clear up that rash in about 10 days. He said you should immediately contact your doctor too. The shots are not painful. I love you and will always be your personal little love Johnson.
By Ted Striker
October 17, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this
Schultzie: I’ve been ruminating over your weekly picks and regret to inform you that you’ve ruined a perfect record for the week. Yes, Bambi indeed goes down as you say — but no way Elmer Fudd covers the spread.
And I know this how? Most of the folks suckered into believing the Bigfoot Hoax back in August were hunters. How skilled can they actually be?
Btw, The Other Bambi” down at the Cheetah has been asking where you’ve been at lunchtime. She misses you, Schultzie. Is the Black Angus Burger with Lettuce, Tomato, Onion, Pickle Spear, French Fries and Choice of Cheese really that much better at home or in the AJC breakroom? In closing, “The Other Bambi” said to tell you “hello” and ‘wiggle wiggle shake shake’
By Steviejoe
October 17, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this
I’m not a Dawg basher, after all, we’re talking about Georgia. Georgia!! Give me a break. Bama owned you and will continue to own you so you might ought to wrap your little doggie brains around that idea. Roll Tide and deal with it.
By Mark Richt
October 17, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this
Schultz- We will have to go out and pick up some naughty little colored children later on this Sunday after I get back from church. I saw a nice chubby one outside of Paldo yesterday…but I decided to wait for you.
-Chao
By sick of bama
October 17, 2008 5:15 PM | Link to this
i’m not a tennessee fan, but mark my words the 3-4 Vols will beat a much overhyped alabama team next week. and a couple weeks later lose at lsu. they have no depth and only 1 receiver to throw to. after that…they will be an afterthought and bama fans can go back into hiding and look to next year.
By sick of bama
October 17, 2008 5:17 PM | Link to this
i’m not a tennessee fan, but mark my words the 3-4 Vols will beat a much overhyped alabama team next week. and a couple weeks later lose at lsu. they have no depth and only 1 receiver to throw to. after that…they will be an afterthought and bama fans can go back into hiding and look to next year.
By KJ
October 17, 2008 7:42 PM | Link to this
I’m not a Steviejoe basher, but Steviejoe should be castrated and lit on fire.
By dawgbreath
October 18, 2008 8:24 AM | Link to this
Please people! Learn the difference between “their” and “there” and use the words correctly. That is all I ask. It is not rocket science.
By nathan
October 18, 2008 9:31 AM | Link to this
I would like to remind everyone how close both georgia’s and tech’s games will be. Vandy hates uga and has a very good and clemson and tech hate each other should be interesting. By the way uga fans, Tech played several third stringers on offense against gw last week. If shaw or nesbit plays its a rout
By Eric C.
October 18, 2008 7:04 PM | Link to this
Jeff,
Good call on UGA not covering…I would have thought we turned the corner a little more.