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Home > Jeff Schultz > Archives > 2008 > September > 18
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Dogs a safe investment Saturday
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As the only remaining solvent financial institutions that have not been taken over by the feds, Weekend Predictions Global Enterprises Catfish and Such — now on three street corners — brings you this update from hoity-toity 1-AA banking centers:
Quoting from a financial newsletter in the UK: “Lloyds TSB confirmed its accepted bid for Halifax Bank of Scotland (HBOS), formerly Britain’s biggest mortgage bank, for £12 billion ($21 billion), or £2.32 pence per share, in an all stock deal following yesterday morning’s near collapse in the share price of HBOS, which had witnessed a sustained assault by hedge-fund speculators over 3 days that had wiped out more than 66 percent of the bank’s value from £2.85 to just 90p following Lehman’s bankruptcy and AIG nationalization.”
If you can translate any of that, you so aren’t coming over to my house for brews.
Here’s all you really need to know about the loan crisis: Bear Stearns, AIG, Wachovia, Lehman Brothers, Washington Mutual, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and almost every bank except for those slush-funding really important things like SEC coaches and linebackers are in the tank.
Why? Because some doofus decided, “Hey! Everybody go out!” and nobody blocked. Mouse Davis took over Wall Street.
See. I don’t need no Harvard HBO.
Which leads me to Georgia. (I hate transitions.) Can anybody block?
One more sack last week in Columbia and Matthew Stafford is rooming with grubs. But this shouldn’t be a problem at Arizona State. Dennis Erickson doesn’t seem to be the same coach without a bag of Pell Grants. And, well, nobody’s going to fund a Pac-10 team outside of L.A.
Blow this out your Freddie Mac: Dogs cover 7.
NFL Value Menu
(Add fries and a field sobriety test for a complete meal)
— Chiefs at Falcons: The Chiefs didn’t split the atom last week. But they did lose to the Raiders 23-8, so that’s close. The Falcons continue to work their way down the quarterback food chain: Jon Kitna, Brian Griese and now third-string Tyler Thigpen, who was sacked three times last week but still has more working organs than the other two guys. Birds cover 5 1/2.
— Bengals at Giants: It’s not surprising Cincinnati’s defense stinks. Half the lineup is wearing orange jumpsuits on a roadside cleanup crew. But have you seen Carson Palmer’s two-game stats? Three interceptions, no TDs, 37.1 rating. Giants cover 13 1/2.
— Panthers at Vikings: The season’s biggest surprise might be Carolina going 2-0 without Steve Smith, who is so humbled that he has made it to Friday without sucker-punching a teammate. In Minnesota, Tarvaris Jackson hasn’t been punched — it just looks that way. Take the gift 3 1/2 and Carolina in an upset.
— Cowboys at Packers: Tony Romo grew up a Packers fan in Wisconsin. Fortunately, he plays professionally in Dallas, because he would have had no shot with Jessica Simpson in Green Bay. Packers pull an upset (but take the 3).
Semi-Pros
— Ms. State at Tech: The last time these teams played, Mathew Brady shot the game film. Hey, here’s something Tech fans under 70 may not be accustomed to: three games and every one has been impressive. The next three: Mississippi State, Duke and Chauncey Gardner Webb. Our little Jackets — 5-1 going into Clemson week? Tech covers 8 1/2.
— Alabama at Arkansas: Nick Saban vs. Bobby Petrino. Do they get ESPN in the underworld? This might be the first time in Saban’s career that he’s the sentimental favorite. Petrino’s stirring SEC debut: last-minute scrambles over Western Illinois and Louisiana Monroe. But the checks cash. Bama covers 9 1/2.
— Florida at Tennessee: Must’ve made Phil Fulmer feel good to see the team that beat him in week one (UCLA) get drilled by BYU 59-0 in week two. Maybe he can coach ‘em this week. Seriously, though. Florida’s Brandon Spikes recalled the Vols “quit playing” in the second half of their 59-20 swamp dive last year. Bulletin-board material: Edge, Tennessee. Everything else: Edge, Duh. Gators cover 7 1/2.
— LSU at Auburn: It’s a good thing Auburn went to a new offense this season. Otherwise there’s no way they pound Mississippi State last week 3-2. Actual fact: The home team has won the past eight meetings. I hate facts. LSU covers 2 1/2 on the road.
— Wake Forest at FSU: When Bobby Bowden not-so-secretly vowed to coach longer than Joe Paterno, did he realize he would lose to Wake Forest two straight years? My kingdom for the finish line. But: Noles cover 4.
Details, details
— Last week: 8-3 straight up, 4-6-1 against the line.
— So far, so feh: 18-10 straight up, 12-15-1 against the line.
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