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DEL.ICIO.USYoung chaplain struggles with own grief
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Camp Striker, Iraq —- The young chaplain reached out and straightened the fallen soldier’s dog tag so other troops could see it dangling clearly in front of the upended rifle. Next, 1st Lt. Jonathan Fisher adjusted the soldier’s empty boots. He rearranged some chairs in the loose, gray gravel so they were just right for the audience. And he moved his podium to a better position on the wooden stage.
Then, Fisher paused and stood to one side of the stage in a moment of quiet reflection about the tragic five months he has spent in Iraq.
For the sixth time since his arrival here, Fisher was meticulously preparing for a memorial service for a soldier from the 48th Brigade Combat Team. This one was for Staff Sgt. Dennis Paul Merck, who died Oct. 20 from an apparent accidental gunshot.
“I hope this is the last one I do. Period,” Fisher said as he watched other soldiers preparing for Merck’s ceremony. “I don’t want to do any more of these.”
Military leaders consider chaplains such as Fisher a “force multiplier” in that they help boost soldiers’ spirits so they can better focus on their missions. Besides leading prayers, chaplains also counsel soldiers about their fears, their marriages, even their careers. They accompany soldiers on and off the battlefield. And, of course, one of their key duties is responding to deaths in their unit.
At times, Fisher has worried about his ability to do this solemn duty. He is only 26 and joined the National Guard just a year ago.
He remembers a soldier waking him the night of Oct. 20 to inform him of what had happened to Merck, a father of three from Evans. Merck’s tent mates suspect he accidentally shot himself while cleaning his weapon.
As the soldier roused him from sleep, Fisher remembers thinking, “Lord, I can’t do another one of these. I can’t do another death.” But God, the chaplain said, gave him “supernatural peace” to comfort Merck’s buddies that evening and organize his memorial ceremony.
A schoolteacher from Fayetteville on his first overseas deployment, Fisher has led services for 13 soldiers and one Arabic interpreter serving with the 48th. He had counseled some of the soldiers and grown close to them before they were killed. Some were still grieving for their buddies when they died.
Fisher, an evangelical Christian, said God helped brace him for these soldiers’ deaths long before he became an officer. He suffered several tragedies in the years before his deployment that he said made him stronger. His mother died of a cancerous brain tumor in 2000. It was left to him to conduct her funeral services. Less than two months later, one of his brother’s twin daughters died at birth. And in 2003, his sister broke her back in a car wreck, paralyzing her from the waist down.
Fisher has been preaching since he was 16. His parents founded a Baptist church in Chase, Mich., where Fisher sometimes led Sunday services. But the troubles that rocked his family made him question his faith. He started questioning why God would cause these things to happen. He stopped going to church.
“It was like every six months something really bad happened to our family,” he said. “That really broke the back of my faith.”
Fisher regained his faith after deciding that God was not responsible for what happened to his family.
“We live in a broken world where bad things happen. It’s not God’s fault,” he said. “It’s the response that really matters.”
The first soldier in Fisher’s unit to die was Sgt. Chad Mercer. The 25-year-old soldier was killed June 30 when the Bradley Fighting Vehicle he commanded rolled over during a night patrol.
A soldier woke Fisher that night by shining a flashlight in his face. Fisher worried if he had the strength to put his hands on Mercer’s body and pray for his soul.
“I was talking to God the whole time. I was asking him, ‘How am I going to do this?’” Fisher said.
God, Fisher said, gave him the peace to pray over Mercer’s body.
The following month, four Georgia National Guard soldiers died when a bomb planted in the road hit their Humvee. Less than a week later, as Fisher was still helping other soldiers cope with the loss of their buddies, four more from the same unit were killed by a similar bomb.
Fisher volunteered to help recover the soldiers’ remains.
“I felt compelled to do it. I wanted the soldiers to see I could do it and wasn’t above it. Some of the soldiers didn’t want to do it,” Fisher said.
Fisher remembers finding a pair of pants that belonged to one of the soldiers. He spotted another victim’s dog tag. He found an identification badge for a third.
Just four days later, three more soldiers from Fisher’s brigade were killed by a car bomb attack at a traffic checkpoint.
Some soldiers were afraid of going outside the wire after the killings. Fisher said they found the will to do it after he prayed with them. He said witnessing God acting in their lives has strengthened his own faith.
“I believe it is nothing but the peace of God that gives them the strength to do that,” Fisher said.
Military memorial ceremonies often follow the same pattern. First, a few comrades share memories about their fallen friend. Then, the chaplain leads a prayer. Taps are played. And there is a gun salute.
Fisher carefully prepares days in advance for these events. He interviews friends of the fallen soldier, writes detailed scripts, selects the music, and leads rehearsals up until minutes before the ceremonies begin. He said he works hard on them, partly because they are filmed for the soldiers’ families back home.
“We are all casualties of this place,” Fisher said during his Oct. 26 eulogy for Merck. “We all bear in us the scars from the brokenness of the life we have led here. Each of us is indelibly marked by the people we have met, the actions we have taken and the moments lived.”
At the end of Merck’s memorial ceremony, his buddies lined up to salute his empty boots. Some reached out and held his dog tag. The chaplain was the first to hug them as they walked off the stage.
Then, it was his turn.
As a recording of the hymn “Be Still, My Soul” played in the amphitheater, Fisher saluted Merck’s boots and helmet. He reached out, held Merck’s dog tag in his hand and prayed.
“Father, be with his family this night,” Fisher said. “Comfort them, hold them, love them, give them strength to face tomorrow.”
Part of a yearlong series that will follow the lives of the citizen soldiers of Georgia’s National Guard and their families back home.
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Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By Lauren Paine
November 5, 2005 07:55 PM | Link to this
I am eternally grateful for this young Chaplain and the Grace that allows him to continue to rise above his own weariness & grief. He is the vital link between the loving families and their fallen warriors; as such he cannot afford to give in to his own sorrow. I suspect that he, along with his companions, will need to grieve for their lost innocence as a “casualty of war” when finally free to return home. Thank you, Mr. Redmon, for the thoughtful article detailing 1st Lt. Jonathan Fisher’s daily struggle; people serve in many ways. Supporters & dissenters alike should remember that it’s not necessary to agree with the politics of war in order to love & care for the soldiers. My prayers are with them all.
By Jesse Gardner
November 5, 2005 08:07 PM | Link to this
Jon Fisher is a very close friend of mine; I was best man in his wedding. Having spent much time with him, a can say that one of the things that I admire most about Jon is his fortitude—his determination and courage to do what needs to be done. When the Army called him to go to Iraq, he did not shirk, he did not shrink. In fact, he volunteered. There was no hesitation in his voice when he told me his mission. His love for God and for others is the fuel that keeps him there and gives him the strength to lift up those in need.
By Jesse Gardner
November 5, 2005 08:08 PM | Link to this
Also, you can visit his personal journal online at http://www.chaplainfisher.com/
By Jenni W
November 5, 2005 08:34 PM | Link to this
Thank you for doing this article on Jon, he has been a wonderful chaplain and friend to my husband during this time, as well as to me. May God be with Jon each and every day through this journey, and watch over Jon’s family as he is away from them. I pray he continues to be given the strength from God to be able to perform so awesomely as a chaplain and a friend, as he has already. Thanks Jon :)
By Patricia Watson
November 5, 2005 08:48 PM | Link to this
So sorry for your personal loss. He was a great man to answer the call of duty for this great country. In the words of Dr. M. L. King “not everyone can be famous but everyone can be great because greatness is determined by service”. Our prayers are with you may you find peace in the midst of this pain.
Is. 26:3 Pat
By jeannie
November 5, 2005 11:26 PM | Link to this
Follow your faith and what you are doing.. God has chosen you and that is a special gift that many do not have.. I know it must be hard… But you are not alone.. God is always there with you, to hold your hand, to say what is right and to bring comfort to everyone that looks up to you.. Remember— God will only give you want you can handle and at times when you think you have too much, Again- Just Remember—You are Not Alone… You are doing a wonderful job.. You truly Shine to many of the men and women who need that light right now, to get them through all of this and to get them home…. Thank you.. and Thank God for giving us special like you….
By Julie Ledbetter
November 6, 2005 08:36 PM | Link to this
Jon Fisher taught with my husband at our Christian school in Fayetteville, GA. He touched many students’ lives and ours and we are so proud that he is serving God and country in Iraq. Mr. Redmon, you have interviewed a truly great Man of God. As Jesse pointed out, go to his blog at www.chaplainfisher.com. Jon’s various blogs including first hand account on the death of his soldiers will make a profound impact on all who read it.
By Patti O'Kane
November 6, 2005 08:38 PM | Link to this
My heart was moved when I read of the widely circulated e-web story of Chaplain Fisher’s consolation, courage, comfort and spiritual sustenance to fellow soldiers grieving. Having done a short stint as a chaplain’s assistant and 17 years as an AIDS nurse in poverty stricken Brownsville Brooklyn, I have a profound sense of how simple presence, prayer and stalwart faith provide comfort to those whose loss is so great. No one questions the courage, bravery, and sacrifice of our U.S. and international soldiers, however our claims of providing liberation and democracy to the Iraqi people require that we force ourselves to learn about them too. Who comforts them? Would we read of their Imans/Sheikhs, the murdered Iraqi citizens, the country’s pain and be so moved by their plight? Who are these family men and woman…even children, we claim to be fighting for? We have demolished their country and may soon learn of how members of our administration shamelessly profited from their losses and the destruction of their nation. I imagine Chaplain Fisher would welcome the telling of their stories as he knows from the gospel that “in Christ (God) there is no east or west”. I pray that Chaplain Fisher, his comrades from many nations and the Iragi people remain safe. If I missed the AJC’s article on the Iraqi spiritual leaders ministering to their bereaved and suffering it was my loss. We owe it to the Iraqis to tell their stories of faith, immense loss, justifiable anger, resilience and profound belief in Allah as they witness their country’s evolution. May the Most Compassionate One, comfort, sustain and bless all those involved in this tragic war and the rebuilding of a devastated nation. Patti O’Kane, Brooklyn, NY.
By blog
November 7, 2005 02:02 PM | Link to this
Please be careful with posting his personal website …. The military has taken away many blog’s/ personal pages that were being done by military personal…His site is a great one and I hope it stay’s up…
By Dorothy Mercer
November 14, 2005 07:01 PM | Link to this
From the family of SSgt Chad Mercer we wish to thank you for everything. We did not know about your website till this article came out on AJC the other day, and it was such an awesome entry to read. We will continue to pray for all the soldiers over there and pray that everyone of them come home safe. We are still a grieving family, and truly miss Chad more than words can ever say. Soldiers keep up the good work and remember that Chad Mercer is watching over every last one of you. We love you guys Mother, Father, Brother and Sister of SSGT Chad Mercer