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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
In Love and War: Military life tests couples serving in Iraq
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Camp Striker, Iraq — Peggy and Tim Fair have been married five years. But, at the moment, she lives two dirt lanes away from her husband and, except for a few meals together, the Glennville couple doesn’t have any private time.
Not that their marriage is falling apart, though. Their relationship couldn’t be stronger.
Moni Basu/AJC
Sgt. Peggy Fair and Sgt. 1st Class Tim Fair are stationed in Iraq.
But the Fairs are soldiers in the Georgia Army National Guard’s 48th Brigade Combat Team in Iraq. They deployed together to the Middle East in mid-May. Since then, intimacy has not been a word in their vocabulary.
Like the brigade’s other married couples, Sgt. Peggy Fair, 51, and Sgt. 1st Class Tim Fair, 41, sleep in separate tents and must get permission to visit each other’s living quarters. If they want to spend time together, it has to be in a public place — no display of affection allowed.
“I hate it,” said Tim Fair, leader of an engineer platoon in Bravo Company, 148th Support Battalion.
The Department of Defense estimates that 84,000 couples serve in the military. Because the 48th Brigade is a National Guard unit, a higher number of husband-wife teams are serving together in the Iraq war, although the exact figures could not be obtained.
The Army has specific orders regarding conduct for soldiers deployed in Iraq. Alcohol and pornographic material, for instance, are strictly prohibited. The policy for cohabitation, however, differs from unit to unit.
The Fort Stewart-based 3rd Infantry Division, under whose control the 48th Brigade operates in Iraq, does not permit visitation or cohabitation between men and women but makes an exception for married couples if they request it, said 48th Brigade Command Sgt. Maj. James Nelson Jr.
He said the brigade policy falls in line with the 3rd Infantry Division’s, but that under current circumstances at Camp Striker, cohabitation is not possible.
“There was nowhere for us to accommodate them in the tents,” Nelson said. “We looked when we first got here but we could not find any situation where married couples could live with any privacy or dignity.”
Initially, 48th leaders thought the brigade would be stationed at nearby Camp Liberty, where soldiers are housed in two-person trailers. Married soldiers had been told then that they would likely be able to share housing.
But when Georgia’s citizen soldiers found themselves at Camp Striker, a transitional tent city on the southwest corner of the Baghdad airport, married couples were separated and placed in 16-person male or female tents.
Striker has a few two-person tents, but those are generally reserved for higher-ranking officers.
No time for honeymoon
Monica and Bernard Fluellen were married last Nov. 12 at the Gwinnett County Courthouse. Before they could even think of a honeymoon, they learned they were deploying to Iraq.
They locked up their house in Lawrenceville and put their desires to start a family on the back burner.
“I do feel like I’ve had to put my personal life on hold,” said 2nd Lt. Monica Fluellen, 32, of the 148th Support Battalion’s Alpha Company.
But the Fluellens said they are glad to at least have one another around. They eat lunch and dinner together and go to basketball games and other social events at Camp Striker.
“It would have been a lot harder to deal with all the stress without him,” said Monica Fluellen, a researcher with Southern States Energy Board in Norcross. “It’s like having your best friend here.”
Her husband agreed.
“It’s cool,” said Sgt. Bernard Fluellen, a full-time technician for the Guard who serves in the 248th Military Intelligence Company. “I get to be with my wife while we’re here. I can see her every day.
“It’s a combat situation,” he continued. “I don’t think they should let husbands and wives get too comfortable.”
The armed forces prohibit fraternization between soldiers of the opposite sex to retain discipline and cohesion.
Moni Basu/AJC
Sgt. Tracy Chisholm and Spc. Zachary Chisholm.
“The military policy was born out of attempts to establish control and to deter sexual assaults,” Nelson said.
He admitted, however, that separating husbands and wives could be a morale buster.
“We’re only human,” Nelson said. “It would have to affect them in some way.”
The Fluellens said they would rather have their spouses here than worry about them from afar. But the lack of privacy is wearing.
‘A touchy subject’
“We’ve had to find other ways of communicating with each other,” said Sgt. Tracy Chisholm, 30, who celebrated her first wedding anniversary Sept. 14 with husband Spc. Zachary Chisholm, 31. “We’ve had to find new ways of showing affection. You can’t hold hands. You can’t do anything here.”
The Chisholms are in Bravo Company, 148th Support Battalion, and met while drilling in Hinesville. She manages a Dunwoody branch of Bank of America. He’s an airbrush artist.
“We like to say we honeymooned in Iraq,” joked Tracy.
“Spouses back home in Georgia don’t really see our point,” she said.
“We don’t get any extra compensation, no separation pay. But we’re really not together.”
Added her husband: “It’s a touchy subject, but it’s an issue that needs to be addressed.”
First Lt. Paul Douglas, chaplain for the 148th Support Battalion, said there are no easy answers for married couples in Iraq, but he had not heard of any relationships ending.
For the Fairs, the stress is old hat. The couple deployed to Bosnia together a few years ago, where living conditions were considerably better.
Peggy Fair would rather be home in Glennville, going to work at the maintenance facility at Fort Stewart and enjoying evenings with her husband.
“Yeah, it would be nice to be able to spend time together,” she said. “But under the circumstances, I understand.”
