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Friday, May 20, 2005
This isn’t a bag, it’s my weapon
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Camp Buehring, Kuwait — Clintonian word parsing, as practiced by former President Bill Clinton, has worked wonders with military bureaucracy on this trip.
It’s also helped avoid a couple of potential obstacles.
The first came while attempting to board the flight to Kuwait. Passengers were strictly limited to one carry-on item. I had two: a computer bag with delicate electronic equipment that I wasn’t about to trust to rough baggage handlers and a rucksack with personal gear.
Instead of arguing that I should be allowed an exception, however, I sought to avoid conflict through redefinition.
I parsed.
The computer bag wasn’t a bag, I said. It was a weapon. All the soldiers were required to bring their weapons on the plane. The personal computer and satellite phone were mine.
To my surprise, it worked.
The soldier in charge seemed too tired to argue. He just chuckled knowingly and waved me through with my two bags.
That small success led to another here in Kuwait. AJC photographer Curtis Compton was hefting his camera gear in a small pack with a built-in “camelback” drinking pouch when we attempted to enter the cafeteria.
Cafeteria rules specifically bar backpacks and taking Compton’s gear back to our tent would have involved a long, dusty walk and missing meal time.
The situation called for an artful redefinition.
The backpack wasn’t a backpack, I said. It was a canteen, a vital piece of safety gear in this punishing desert.
The soldier in charge thoroughly searched Compton’s bag, then, extracting a promise from us not to repeat the dodge, kindly allowed us to enter.
Thanks Bill!
Unarmed but forewarned
Soldiers frequently ask about what kind of weapons we journalists plan to take with us to Iraq. When I tell them we’re unarmed and intend to stay that way, most shake their heads in disbelief.
“You’re going to a war zone without a weapon? Are you nuts?” they invariably ask.
I tell them that my faith in their marksmanship is total, that journalists „ like military chaplains „ are non-combatants, and that I’d probably be a greater liability to them armed than unarmed.
A few reporters have made a show of carrying weapons „ Fox’s Geraldo Rivera comes to mind. But I’m convinced it does more harm to our image than good.
“Would you pick up a weapon and fire it if you had to?” a soldier wanted to know.
I tell them I’d do just about anything to avoid wearing an orange jumpsuit on Al-Jazeera TV.
“How about coming to the range with us this week?” the soldier offered. “Even if you don’t shoot, we want to know that, in a pinch, you can reload our M-16 rifles for us.”
