Get Schooled

By Jeff

April 3, 2007 11:02 AM | Link to this

eh, never went. (Indeed, I only voluntarily went to ONE social function in 13 years of pre-college education!!)

That said, it DOES appear to be getting more and more out of hand - one of the reasons I didn’t go. What happened to a simple shirt and tie, driving dad’s borrowed car, dancing in the gym type proms?????

By Teacher Teacher

April 3, 2007 11:13 AM | Link to this

Prom is a wonderful rite of passage, and I always encourage my seniors to go, even if they don’t have a date, just so that they will be able to share the experience with their children later on.

Now, the extreme amount of money spent on the vehicle and the room boggles my mind, but I can certainly understand the cash dished out for clothing and flower. The picture money, though, leaves a lot to be desired. I encourage my prom-going students not to have their pictures taken at the prom (it’s a rip-off), but to go to Wal-Mart prior to the prom.

Anyway, I always enjoy seeing the kids in their garb bopping about town during prom season.

And, someone please tell me why there seems always to be this insistence on having a spread of food at a prom when the kids go and eat before and after. They don’t eat at the prom.

By Jeff

April 3, 2007 11:16 AM | Link to this

I found the answer to my own question:

Ever notice that we as Americans are pushing virtually EVERYTHING down in age?

Go with me here:

We give women these AMAZING weddings. (NOT something I’m complaining about, indeed, I hope my soon-to-be-fiance gets exactly the wedding she wants!) Younger girls see this - call these girls HS seniors - and get envious. THEY want to feel that special. So we give them a fancy prom. HS Juniors see this and get envious… so we give it to them as well. On and on the process goes, till now we have 8th grade - or younger - girls going to HS proms. Even if we bar them from the HS prom, we create a “middle school formal” with the exact same expectations. Then we keep lowering the bar and give 5th graders the same thing. Then kindergarteners. Then pre-schoolers.

We do the same thing with “graduation” ceremonies.

Is it any wonder our kids grow up to be spoiled brats???? Is it any wonder that we have such high teen pregnancy rates or that we are seeing kids in SECOND GRADE - at gf’s school - having sex?? What happened to “this is a privelege you get when you get older”? What happened to “this is something adults get to do”?

Parents, stand up to your kids. BE the ADULT!!

By Ms. J.

April 3, 2007 11:34 AM | Link to this

From what I’ve seen/heard, it IS getting out of hand. No wonder kids are so spoiled & no wonder they feel this pressure to date/”hhok up”/ pair off & have sex at younger & younger ages. Teacher, Teacher, you made an interesting comment I’m wondering if you and/or anyone else on this blog to answer for me. You said you’d encourage your seniors to go, even without a date. OH?? I had no idea this is an option! When I was in high school, back in the 70’s, I, a graduating senior with excellent grades, already accepted to several colleges, was forbidden by school authorities to attend my own prom because, due to a birth defect, I was unable to get a date!!!

By Ms. J, again!

April 3, 2007 11:46 AM | Link to this

Apologies for all the typos in my previous post; I was on the phone making Easter plans & was rather distracted! That’s “HOOK” up, & “CAN answer for me”. I’m also wondering if it’s just me, or does anyone else consider it barbaric that someone who SHOULD have gone to her prom was told by hre h.s. principal that she’s not allowed to, due to not having a date (through no fault of her own) & that if I showed up, he’d have the police remove me & have me charged with trespassing!?!?

By Maria

April 3, 2007 12:12 PM | Link to this

Jeff, I think you’re right about experiences being pushed down to younger and younger ages. You don’t see kids playing with toys as much these days, either. Back in the early 90s, my friends and I proudly played with our dolls until we were 11 or 12. In 2007, my co-worker’s 11-year-old daughter is into clothes and hair and her Video iPod. Once you start young girls on the quest to “look pretty,” it’s only a matter of time before they start thinking they need someone to look pretty FOR.

I suppose we’re an impatient culture, and we’re also a culture that canonizes certain rites of passage and replays them over and over in movies and TV shows. By a time a kid’s 16 years old, he or she has likely seen dozens of wedding proposals and ceremonies on TV. He or she doesn’t want to wait another 10 or 15 or 20 years to be able to take part in that ritual. (Besides being an impatient culture, we’re also a conformist culture.) Hence, the prom proposal! Blah.

I wish we could somehow convince kids to enjoy being kids for as long as they can. I’m here in my office on this beautiful day, wishing I could just break out and go for a run or a hike or a bike ride. But I’m thankful that I had so many summers and afternoons and spring breaks during my childhood when I played outside and didn’t worry about hair and makeup and, you know, being in the 5th grade and not having a “boyfriend.”

By Janine

April 3, 2007 12:14 PM | Link to this

Ms.J….Such egregious and flagrant abuse of power by your principal. Did you or your parent protest?

By Maria

April 3, 2007 12:17 PM | Link to this

Ms. J: I graduated from high school in Alpharetta in ‘98 and it was definitely a popular thing to go to the prom with a group of friends if you didn’t have a date. Actually, even kids who DID have dates usually went with a group, too. There might have been 4 or 5 couples and several of their uncoupled friends sharing a dinner reservation and the cost of a stretch limo. There was this expectation that “everyone” went to the prom, particularly the senior prom, because it was like a pre-graduation celebration.

By SET

April 3, 2007 12:18 PM | Link to this

Prom is getting out of hand - Football is getting out of hand also.

Let’s go back to what the mission statement of the high school is - or should be. When (lower & middle) middle class kids are spending as much as a trip to Europe on prom night I have a problem. When Professional Class kids spend thousands on a Prom and fail to go on college tours, I have a problem.

But, it’s their life. You can’t substitute your values for that of their families. If this is how they want to spend their money, that’s less competition for my family in the other things I suppose. It’s a (supposedly) free country.

I have problems with the school itself signing on to these baccanals.

I’m of the opinion that most of these parties should be private affairs and not school events. The school is unable to manage the discipline and has problems with discrimination that private affairs don’t.

Field trips are one thing I support, but the schools should not be in the business of throwing large scale commercial parties other than a graduation ceremony.

Remember in Los Angeles, ethnic cleansing is underway with bullets. The mexican gangs are armed to the teeth and have been killing blacks at random as they expand their gang territories into what used to be black territory. More than ever you can’t have open parties.

Oh course, we can’t ever imagine that such things will ever happen in GA, can we?

By Mike Domtirz

April 3, 2007 12:21 PM | Link to this

Prom is a SCARY time that often gets too much focus on the money spent and the alcohol being drank — while not enough conversation occurs about all of the extremely dangerous sexual choices being made on that night and into the early morning hours.

The whole reason we created “Help! My Teen is Dating” (http://www.helpmyteenisdating.com) is because Parents kept telling us they had no resources to help them address these important issues with their teenagers. We need much more open conversations and they need to be both straight-forward and fun!!

By HS Teacher Too

April 3, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

It is definitely out of hand, but the AJC sharing the stories of the outlandish “prom proposals” doesn’t do much to help!

Where I grew up, proms had a different format than they do here, and I think that helped compared to the ever-escalating woes we have here.

In our case, proms were more like weddings — held at hotels with full buffets and/or plated dinners. Prom tickets were costly, but FAR LESS expensive than going out to dinner. What’s more, the enticement to going out to eat was gone, because we were being fed a real meal, and the food was always pretty good. (And kids showed up relatively on time, to boot, because they didn’t want to miss the meal!)

Another thing — we had two separate proms, a junior prom (earlier in the year and less formal — cocktail dresses and jacket-and-tie, although many boys wore tuxes); and a senior prom (graduation week, typically, and more formal). Thing was, most of the limos went to the junior prom — by senior prom time, we all wanted to drive ourselves!

I’ve also seen schools where the junior prom was the big to-do and the seniors had a senior banquet — for seniors ONLY; no dates unless they happened to be seniors as well, and from the same school. Its mere exlclusiveness made it a big, big deal — but limos weren’t entertained because the dress code didn’t call for it. The senior banquet was dressy, but again back to cocktail attire, jacket-and-tie; not formal gowns with tuxes.

So, there are alternatives out there … but changing the culture around here might take some doing! The first thing would be for schools to really get parents to buy in and help tone it all down. That might be just as big a battle as getting the kids to tone it down!

By HS Teacher Too

April 3, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

It is definitely out of hand, but the AJC sharing the stories of the outlandish “prom proposals” doesn’t do much to help!

Where I grew up, proms had a different format than they do here, and I think that helped compared to the ever-escalating woes we have here.

In our case, proms were more like weddings — held at hotels with full buffets and/or plated dinners. Prom tickets were costly, but FAR LESS expensive than going out to dinner. What’s more, the enticement to going out to eat was gone, because we were being fed a real meal, and the food was always pretty good. (And kids showed up relatively on time, to boot, because they didn’t want to miss the meal!)

Another thing — we had two separate proms, a junior prom (earlier in the year and less formal — cocktail dresses and jacket-and-tie, although many boys wore tuxes); and a senior prom (graduation week, typically, and more formal). Thing was, most of the limos went to the junior prom — by senior prom time, we all wanted to drive ourselves!

I’ve also seen schools where the junior prom was the big to-do and the seniors had a senior banquet — for seniors ONLY; no dates unless they happened to be seniors as well, and from the same school. Its mere exlclusiveness made it a big, big deal — but limos weren’t entertained because the dress code didn’t call for it. The senior banquet was dressy, but again back to cocktail attire, jacket-and-tie; not formal gowns with tuxes.

So, there are alternatives out there … but changing the culture around here might take some doing! The first thing would be for schools to really get parents to buy in and help tone it all down. That might be just as big a battle as getting the kids to tone it down!

By Paul

April 3, 2007 12:26 PM | Link to this

Prom season and once again this topic comes up. Well, no kidding it has gotten out of hand. Has anyone watched MTV (which use to show music videos) and their “reality” shows. Especially the 16th birthday shows. Such spoiled brats. And what do you think our kids are wanting? Back in my day, a limo was an exception and about 4-5 couples went in together for it. Now it is the stretch Hummer with only one couple riding. And what in the heck is a prom proposal? Baby Boomers became the “me” generation and lived the life. Gen X is too busy cleaning up their mess while Gen Y is seeing how the boomers lived and prefer that lifestyle. I say cancel them all. No need for them.

By Jeff

April 3, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

Maria:

I have noted that trend as well. Indeed, for younger bro’s senior prom, it was him, his gf, and at least two of their couple-friends. (2 other couples, either friends of his, hers, or both).

Me, I never even knew when prom was. Matter of fact, I found out when homecoming dance was around noon on day of. (Needless to say, I didn’t go.) All I asked of the HS after that was to make sure they informed me of graduation-specific events. (We had a mutual hate/hate relationship.)

By Janine

April 3, 2007 12:29 PM | Link to this

In answer to today’s question…in a word…YES, absolutely. But it fits right in with all the other things that have “gotten out of hand” in today’s Child Centered Culture. THere are several John Rosemond fans who post here. He writes a column in the AJC on Saturdays and he often addresses these kinds of issues….overdoing it with and over indulging our children today. I bought one of his videos for my daugher when my first grandchild was born and she and many of her young buddies love his philosophy.

By crth

April 3, 2007 12:31 PM | Link to this

Prom is a rite of passage and everygirl should attend with/or without a date. Yes, the cost is more than what it was when we went to HS. However it is a opportunity for all girls to glam it up for the evening, enjoy the evening with friends and feel special. As for the cost, The Prom is not a last minute event that pops up in senior year. There are oppportunities to cut costs by purchasing prom dresses after the prom season. I purchase formal gowns for my daughters while they where freshmans. One retail original at $270.00 I purchase in the month of June for $35.00 at Macy’s. I ‘ve continue this trend for the last 3 years so my girls have formalwear for homecomings, socials or special events. All in all, yes,you will have the few that go overboard. It’s their money. But it is an event open to all.

By Georgia

April 3, 2007 12:34 PM | Link to this

In my high school, in the late 70’s you HAD to be a senior in order to go to the Prom. If you were dating a senior, you could go. But, the prom was for the seniors only.

Yes we had limos, not big fancy stretch limos, and several couples would go in on one.

It was the only night out of the year that I was allowed to stay out as late as I wanted.

Yes, we did get hotel rooms, and the majority of us used them for non-sexual gatherings. We would drink and just have a good time.

Sounds like we were duds, but we had the best time, and no one was jealous of the other’s bigger limo or fancier hotel room……AND no one went home pregnant!!!!

By Ms. J.

April 3, 2007 12:38 PM | Link to this

I appreciated both your nice posts, Maria & Janine! What happened to me was proof that even back in 1978, proms were taken way too seriously. In answer to your question, Janine, (by the way, your children & grandbabies are very lucky to have you in their lives!), yes, I protested & know what I got for my trouble? A week’s detention! Couldn’t count on my parents for help; they were the type that insisted authority figures were always right, no matter what, & among my family & friends, it was understood I’d never be able to date or marry, so it was a non-issue. Not surprisingly, my principal was a short, fat, odious little man that no one respected.

By Lisa B.

April 3, 2007 12:44 PM | Link to this

Down here is South Georgia, Turner County is having their FIRST intergrated prom. Evidently, the school system is finally being forced into modern times. Turner County has always had separate proms, homecoming courts, etc. for blacks and whites. I don’t what Hispanics were supposed to do.

By Jeff

April 3, 2007 12:51 PM | Link to this

Lisa:

Actually, there is a considerable movement towards racially segregated proms/ homecoming dances/ etc. SET may be more knowledgeable than I, but I have heard of them in ATL, NYC, TX, and Cali. So far, they appear to have survived all court challenges that I am aware of….

By catlady

April 3, 2007 12:54 PM | Link to this

Prom does not have to be the out of whack extravagant use of money that it has become. Parents need to get a grip! Just because your child wants to do something does not mean they have to! I am fortunate to live in a place where there is not the degree of extravagance you see in exurban Atlanta. Those kids here who “put on the dog” frequently have parents who feel obligated to indulge them. The “common” kids—the salt of the earth kind— roll their eyes and laugh. It is fine to spend that money IF THE CHILD HAS EARNED AND SAVED IT, I guess, but parents do a huge disservice to their kids to pony up hundreds of dollars for a DANCE. If you have that much money to throw around, give it to a worthy charity or something.

My daughters went to the prom and had a good time, but both said it was overrated. My son did not go—had a gf but they decided not to spend their money on it. I went my senior year and had a great time, but there were no limos, hotel rooms, etc. The parents in our neighborhood would have either laughed or been scandalized by things of that sort. At what point was common-sense thrown out the window?

By Penguinmom

April 3, 2007 12:59 PM | Link to this

My question is what is the boy going to expect the girl to do for him after he went to such a huge expense to ask her out? As a parent, if a boy EVER asked my daughter out for a date like that, I would immediately ban her from dating him. He’s going to of course expect sex as a repayment for that kind of display.

It’s fine to have an elaborate marriage proposal, after all sex is going to happen because they’re getting married (if not before). But to have a high school boy putting on that kind of display is outlandish.

Also, as the article mentioned, how are the girls going to react if their future husbands don’t outdo their prom date proposals?

I also think the rooms that are rented for prom night are absurd. It’s like the parents are just giving in. Fine, go ahead and have sex, we don’t care. Then they’re surprised when they end up with a grandchild too early.

By Mandi

April 3, 2007 1:07 PM | Link to this

Lisa B’s & Ms. J’s posts struck quite a nerve with me. Aren’t proms supposed to be about a last fun, happy, celebratory blow-out for graduating seniors? Seems to me like most high-school social events, public as well as private, are insidiously designd to make the less popular kids feel even worse about themselves. My husband (my boyfriend, at the time) & I attended our senior prom in 1994; one couple there had been in the Special Ed (slow learners) class. They were dressed beautifully, looked great & not bothering anyone, they just were there to have a good time like the rest of us but some of my meaner classmates tormented them all night. One of the guys tripped the boy, who fell & hurt himself enough to get a nosebleed & someone deliberately smeared lipstick on the girl’s dress. She ran to the bathroom in tears. I tell you, that night I felt ashamed to be part of the class of 94!

By Diva

April 3, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

It is absolutely out of hand. When our children are watching shows like Sweet 16 and seeing 16 year olds getting parties costing $100,000 and $100,000 cars what do we expect!

By Janine

April 3, 2007 1:09 PM | Link to this

catlady You’re so right that parents are the problem here. I often try to think backward in time to try to determine exactly when parents gave over their control to the children. WHen did parents begin to feel guilty about saying “no”!? I’m hoping [and sometimes think I see the slightest bit of evidence]that the proverbial pendulum will begin its swing back toward what catlady calls “common sense”.

By MS. Jones

April 3, 2007 1:11 PM | Link to this

AMEN Penguinmom

It’s just digusting the way kids have their parents wrapped around their little fingers…….not this MOM….

I believe in working hard to earn something, not just have it handed to you because you WANT it…These parents are raising spoiled little girls who will constantly want more…just like my ex-Sister in Law, who is spoiled rotten. She divorced my brother (after 17 years of marriage), because he wouldn’t quit his job of 24 years to find another job that paid more, so SHE could have a bigger house. Practically every sentence out of her mouth, started with the words “I” “Me” or “I WANT…” every single time that woman opened her mouth. UGLY, just ugly.

I’m glad she’s out of our lives.

By by: SC

April 3, 2007 1:26 PM | Link to this

I think that Prom has gotten out of hand as well as the homecoming dance. I think that the 8th grade dance has also gotten out of hand. My childs school has sent home a memo stating not to provide limousines for the dance and that the attire is causual dress to church. People, its a 8th grade dance. What ever happen to a pair of jeans or slacks and a nice shirt and call it a day. I think parents are living through their children and subcoming to outlandish requests from their children. I also feel that PreK, Kindergarten, Fifth grade, eighth grade graduations are ridiculous and another blog.

By Drew

April 3, 2007 1:31 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones, your brother is very fortunate to finally be rid of that woman but doesn’t that show y’all where these teenage girls get off demanding thosands of dollars for prom dresses, hairdressers appointments, etc? They learn this obnoxious behavior from their spoiled, trophy-wife mothers. Why any man in his right mind would have anything to do with such a bimbo is way way way beyond me!

By Ms. Jones

April 3, 2007 1:40 PM | Link to this

SC I feel the same way about all these graduations from one school to another. Just ridiculious. There should only be ONE graduation, and that’s after you have completed high school.

As for dances getting out of control, when my daughter was in 8th grade, we were at a hair salon, just getting her hair cut. Several of her classmates were getting their hair done, and their Moms were shelling out $80 - $100 for a hair-do FOR ONE NIGHT!!! The kid will be home by 10:00……The Prom yes, 8th grade CASUAL dance, oh heck NO!!

Now this year, my 10th grader attended “homecoming” with 5 other girlfriends, no one had a date. One of the parents knew a guy who owned a limo (regular size limo - no stretch, or Hummer), and he charged $200 for the entire night. Each girl’s parents anted up $50 for the limo (including tip for the driver). The took such good care of those girls. They went to dinner, and the dance, then the limo picked them up and took each and every one of them home.. THAT was worth $50 to me…….and the memories of that night for the girls, well, as they say “Priceless”. No one EXPECTED that limo…..

By Dave

April 3, 2007 1:48 PM | Link to this

Of course it’s out of hand. More so in a place like Metro Atlanta, where everybody has to one-up the neighbor in just about any display of wealth.

I graduated high school in 1986. Went to the prom 2 of my 3 high school years (we were 10-12). First time, my date and I rode with a friend and his date, in his shiny 1983 Ford Escort 4 door. Dinner was at Western Sizzlin, which was the most popular choice. My last one, I took my date in my mom’s 1982 Honda Accord, which I washed and waxed for the occasion. Dinner was again the Western Sizzlin.

We live in a society where we’re pushing people to take home equity loans to take vacations. Is it any surprise parents would spend THOUSANDS of dollars for something like this, which is memorable for who we were with, what we did at the dance…NOT how we got there.

Sometimes, I feel like I live in a world full of aliens. Aliens that have no idea how to save money.

By Lori

April 3, 2007 2:02 PM | Link to this

Moms & Dads, think of your daughter’s absurd prom demands being a sort of dress rehearsal for the type of exorbitant weddings they’ll doubtless insist upon you paying for. And these are probably the kind of girls who’ll end up getting married at least 3 times by the time they’re in their 30’s. Parents, the time to put your foot down about this ridiculous extravagance is YESTERDAY!!

By what???

April 3, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

crth: With your outlook, I can only imagine what darlings you have raised. What gives girls the right to act like total snobs? What about the girls who cannot afford it? Oh let me guess, you pooh pooh that off too like the ones who spend too much. It’s women and girls like you and yours who make it hard for the rest of us. We get a bad rep too because of your I, me, my daddy’s little princess gets whatever she wants attitude. I am sick of this whole entitled generation. They need to get off their lazy self centered butts and get out and work for something.

By JoeSchmo

April 3, 2007 2:04 PM | Link to this

These kind of outlandish prom proposals have been going on for years out west, and not just for prom either. Kids out there go nuts trying to out do each other on asking a girl out to a movie on Friday night. Its MTVs fault for putting a bunch of spoiled, rich, California kids on TV and making the rest of the world think that is the way it should be. And then its the parents faults for letting their kids be so frivalous with money they don’t work for.

By Older Mom

April 3, 2007 2:05 PM | Link to this

My son is a senior and will be attending his prom with a good friend. At his school only seniors may attend with their date. The tickets are $40. I forbid him to do the limo deal, I consider it a total waste of money. He is driving but is not allowed to take other couples with him. His total cost will be tickets, tux rental, corsage and dinner. After reading about the food at prom I will find out if they even need to go to dinner before hand.

Homecoming has definitely gotten out of control. It seems that the only difference is the boys don’t rent a tux. The girls are in formal gowns.

The AJC article on the prom showed just how ridiculous some parents/kids/schools can be.

By age 16 girls color their hair on a regular basis, wear fake nails, drive their own car, drink on a regular basis and if lucky their virginity is still intact. What is left for these kids to experience?

Why are we in such a hurry to have our kids grow up?

By Lisa B.

April 3, 2007 2:06 PM | Link to this

Jeff,

I’ve heard about segregated proms that were held privately. In Turner Co., the segregate proms were school sponsered events. When the proms are private events, rather than school sponsered dances, I doubt intergration laws apply.

I just think it is sad, that groups of classmates chose to separate themselves rather than enjoy school events together.

I think the whole meaning and purpose of Senior Proms has gotten lost.

By Maria

April 3, 2007 2:10 PM | Link to this

I agree with what many of you have said, re: today’s parents and the “child centered culture.” Of course parents want their children to have the best life possible, but too often this gets wrongly translated into giving their children the nicest STUFF possible.

I feel that it’s a hindrance for kids to have wholly comfortable lives in high school — not only materialistically, but also socially. Our culture places so much importance on high school popularity and having a great prom and junk like that… it’s easy to get a dangerously inflated sense of confidence if you’re an 18-year-old who has those things. Those of us who didn’t quite find our social or cultural place in high school (this is me raising my hand) had to work harder to overcome that feeling, however vague, of American culture telling us we “missed out” for not having the, ahem, best years of our lives in high school. My high school years were unspectacular and occasionally miserable, but I think I’ve done a good job in the 9 years since of making my life pretty great. A part of that has been my own quiet revenge against the lousyness of my teenage years.

Janine, count me in as another John Rosemond fan! I’m not even a parent yet; I’m just a 26-year-old who’s been reading his column for a long, long time. What can I say, I’m a strange bird. But I love his philosophies, and I hope there are others in my age group who see his wisdom, too.

By luvs2teach

April 3, 2007 2:12 PM | Link to this

I teach 8th grade, and this year we have been asked to switch from an “8th grade party” (at an off-campus, arcade-type establishment) to an 8th grade “prom” - sadly, it’s one of the TEACHERS working with a group of parents that is pushing for this change.

Some of our students (those with strong social skills amd standing - as well as bf/gfs) are excited. The rest? A little dismayed - particularly those that were looking forward to, and would’ve been more comfortable in, the other social setting.

I am absolutely saddened at how the traditional “rites of passage” are cheapened by this seemingly endless downward push. Of course you need the Hummer limo for your senior prom - you had an regular one for your 8th grade dance!

And as others mentioned - it definitely has to do with parents reliving (or simply living) their lives through their children, the ridiculous displays of wealth on shows like “Sweet 16” and our overly child-centered culture.

Sad.

By Alison H.

April 3, 2007 2:17 PM | Link to this

My niece, who lives in Buckhead, got her breasts augmented for her prom!!! Much as I disapprove, I can’t say a word to her mother (my older sister) for fear of causing WWIII. And a girl in one of my aforementioned niece’s classes got a nose-job for the event!

By jct

April 3, 2007 2:19 PM | Link to this

I wish people would stop blaming MTV. I have channel block on BET, MTV and VHI so my teenage can not watch those channels in my house. I realize that other people don’t ‘parent’ their children so he could see those stupid realities shows at his friends house. However, I know that my child knows that this over the top behavior will not be tolerated in our house. When he dates is supposed to treat the young woman with respect. If she can only see ‘bling’ than that yound lady is not worth taking on a second date. So far this is working. He is 16 and counting…

Parents close your pocketbooks and turn off or block the channels that promote this junk. We have the power.

By Georgia

April 3, 2007 2:20 PM | Link to this

Older Mom You left out botox for teens, and cosmetic surgery. Very hip with the high schoolers now….my daughter knows several girls at her high school who have already had cosmetic surgery, boob jobs and botox injections. They aren’t even 20 years old yet…..

By Ms. J.

April 3, 2007 2:34 PM | Link to this

Maria, dear, as you may have guesed, my high-school years were about as much “fun” as yours. And these prom things only serve to widen the gap between the rich, gorgeous popular kids & the shy, awkward, unattractive kids of working-class parents. Instead of proms, why not a graduation event that everyone can enjoy, like a covered-dish class picnic where the kids work on songs & skits, providing their own entertainment? Or, having karaoke there? Things like that are interactive & tend to bring even the saddest misfits out of their shells.

By Brown-Eyed Girl!

April 3, 2007 2:50 PM | Link to this

I went to my senior prom almost 21 years ago (Shout out to Central High School class of 86, Macon, GA). My prom happened to be my first date (almost 18). My date had to ask my father in order to take me. Going to the prom prior to your senior year was not really talked about unless a girl happened to be dating an upper classman and he asked her to go. It was the Junior/Senior prom. We did not take it so seriously in the mid 80’s. Sure my date rented a tux. I wore a gorgeous vintage dress. He actually rented a car for us to go in. We were just out to have a good time. We were seniors and we didn’t know if any of us would ever see the others again. Some of the preppy guys actually wore jams(long print shorts) with they tux jackets. We all just had fun. My date and I went to Red Lobster with a few other couples and had a great dinner afterwards. I was back at home by midnight with the best memories. I think the kids these days take themselves too seriously by playing like adults with the stretch limos and the pre prom parties and please don’t get me started on the parents that allow their girls to go out looking like they are going to “work”.

By dawn

April 3, 2007 3:11 PM | Link to this

I must admit when my husband some twenty years ago asked me to the prom. He wrote it on his car. He drove me back and forward to school. Because I got out a period before he did I would take my books to the car and work in the office until he was ready. This day I went to take my books to the car and it was not there. We had no cell phones or pagers, so I went to his class room and he was ot there. By the time I was almost at the office I was called to the student parking lot. When I got the he had used my lip stick and wrote on the car will you go to the prom with me and then spend the rest of your life as my wife. We were seniors. Needless to say I said yes. Even to this day that’s how he still do things. Everything with us is over the top. Example for valentine day though my kids have friends I stood in the in the middle of the cafeteria with a big sign on me saying will you please be mines with their names on them. Lucky for me all three of them have the same lunch period.

I have notied sometimes when we do things like that some of the kids sort look disappointed. Though I know I can’t please everyone when I am doing stuff like that I try to take others feelings in consideration and I have even went so far to include others to make them feel special.

My son on the other hand just said you wanted go to the prom. But he is going all out for the prom, this year at the tune of close to $2000.00.

By Georgia

April 3, 2007 3:32 PM | Link to this

Dawn I think that’s the sweetest proposal a girl could get. Out there for everyone to see. What a romantic man you have…….I’m jealous….

By dawn

April 3, 2007 3:34 PM | Link to this

I don’t understand why we as people always try to condemn a person for doing things to their liking. As long as it is not breaking the laugh or causing harm to another than so what. Each generation grows. An aquittance of mines son is going to the prom this year. He has arranged a limo to pick them everyone up at thir home. He has an in-law suite, so everyone is getting dress at his home. The girls inside the boys outside in the suite. I know that some of us go over board, me as a parent do. I give my children what ever they want and at the same time they give me want I want. All A’s, no disciplinary problem and respect. My kids knows the value of money because they see their father and I work hard for everything we give to them. It’s wrong for you to judge a person by what they give to their children. Everybody do things different. some of you may not want your child to go out for the prom, so that’s your right, your child, your values. Others, me, give my kids a $2500.00 budget for prom, that’s my rights, my kids, my values. It doesn’t mean I nor you are a better parent than the other. Let’s stop judging one another and just be satified with our own.

By what??

April 3, 2007 3:39 PM | Link to this

Dawn, so, you have no concern that your children make other kids less fortunate feel small. Took note that you flaunted HOW MUCH you allow them to spend. Was that necessary?

By Leslie

April 3, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

Uh, Dawn: “Breaking the laugh?” An “aquittance”? “Thir” home? “Want I Want”? My kids “knows”? EVerybody “do”? “Satified”? I’d say you have more serious problems than not teaching you children the value of good, honest hard work. Somehow, I will not be surprised if your kids grow up to be lazy, entitlement-centric, wanna-be Trustafarians. Even if they WANTED to work, with the spelling & grammar “skills” you’ve doubtless passed on to them, they’d be limited to the the type of employment categorized by asking customers :”Wan’ fries wid dat?”

By Stacey

April 3, 2007 3:44 PM | Link to this

I’ve been out of high school 20 years. My senior year marked the first intergrated prom for my school and it was a “Junior/Senior Prom”. It was held in the cafeteria and tickets were something like $15 for individual or $25 per couple. The only refreshments were cookies and punch and the same photographer who took the “school day” pictures took the prom pictures in front of a really cheesy-looking background.

I decided literally the day before that I wanted to attend (because I had so much fun decorating). I borrowed a dress & shoes from my cousin who’s a year older, my sister did my hair & makeup (I looked just like Raggedy Ann) and I borrowed my mother’s authentic faux pearls. My friends planned all year to go as a group (no dates) and they all coordinated their dresses. They all wore white, my borrowed dress and shoes were red. I’m from a small town so renting a limo was out of the question as was a fancy restaurant. Some kids did rent motel rooms for “after parties” but my friends and I went back to my house for an improptu sleepover.

Usually, my stories have it being a really magical night but in truth, I had more fun decorating the night before.

By Ms. Jones

April 3, 2007 3:47 PM | Link to this

Dawn I understand where you are coming from. However, when you work hard to give your kids everything they want, you aren’t teaching them anything. They aren’t being taught that they must work hard and EARN priviledges. Yes, you kids get good grades, and give you lots of respect, but how is that going to prepare them for the future, and living on their own. I personally, am unable to GIVE my child everything she wants. If I did, then there is nothing to look forward to, or to work towards. My daughter is in the process of learning to EARN things, but she has to WORK for them. Example, she just got her first job and is so excited by the dollar signs. However, she must put at least 50% of each check into savings. The savings account is under my control, and she MIGHT be able to have control when I feel she is old enough and responsible enough to handle that much money. So I am teaching her to save for “big ticket” items that she REALLY wants. Plus, if she works for it, earns the money, and buys it herself, she will appreciate it so much more. I’m not judging you, I’m just saying. And yes, we all parent our kids differently, and you sound like you are doing a wonderful job.

By Conrad

April 3, 2007 3:48 PM | Link to this

My Prom was horrible. Atlanta hotel- bad food. My parents went dressed in tuxes (both of them!). My date wanted me to buy this HORRID orchid which my mom forced me to cancel (she managed to get it back). I thought we were going dutch- she thought I was paying for her stuff. I only dance with her once and we havent spoken for seven years.

I would have had more fun on the Hindenberg.

That said, it really disgusts me how some people who can barely afford their rent splurge on prom, especially on things they know will sit in a dusty box for the rest of their lives.

By Good Grief!

April 3, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Yes, “By What”, as a matter of fact, it sure WAS necessary for Dawn to let us know how much money she’s handing over to her spoiled brats. After all, it’s up to her to set an example to them of how to make less-fortunate folks feel bad! (BTW, Leslie hit the nail right on the head!)

By Swangirl

April 3, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

Never went to any of my proms. I was a shy nerd and the guys weren’t interested in me.

I AM glad to see that it is no longer taboo to go to the prom without a date. My niece went to both her proms with a group of girlfriends and they had a blast. When I was her age in the 80s, it just wasn’t done at my school. You HAD to have a date.

For a funny look at how kids ask each other to the prom, check out “Napoleon Dynamite” where Pedro leaves a cake he made on a girl’s doorstep.

By dawn

April 3, 2007 3:58 PM | Link to this

By what?? Once again, it’s my choice of what I spend on my kids. It’s not to flaunt anything to others, it’s for them. If you saw another car you wanted and had the money to get it. Would you not buy it because your neighbor doesn’t have one? Would you not buy your self a new dress because your co worker wear the same one all the time? Don’t get me wrong my heart goes out to the ones that can’t afford the things that I and others do but am I going to say I’m not going to do it because the next person can’t afford it. If tha’s the case we all need to put our money in one big pot a dish it out evenly so we all can have the same things in life.

Leslie You are not worth my time to even address your ignorance. And just so you know I have two in college now for medical and law, as well as they both have very good jobs while attending school. Probably making more than you. When you can contribute more than your ignorance than we can talk. Right now you’re not on my level.

By Maria

April 3, 2007 4:00 PM | Link to this

Dawn, I don’t think anyone here would doubt that it’s within your right to give your kids a big prom budget, or argue that you’re an inherently bad person, or anything like that. Whether or not a $2000+ prom budget is a good idea or not is, I think, a fair topic for debate (considering that you wrote about it on a blog post that specifically discusses large prom budgets).

Honestly, I don’t give a flying flip about whether teenagers these days feel “special.” They get plenty of self-esteem boosting in the classroom, and they get catered to by dozens of advertisers, retailers, and cable channels. Actually, if there’s a teenager out there who doesn’t feel special, I’d be worried about him or her. We congratulate teenagers for existing.

By Leslie

April 3, 2007 4:04 PM | Link to this

Dawn, you’re absolutely right about one thing & that is that I am not on your level. In order to sink to that depth of illiteracy, I’d have had to spend my formative years in either a trailer park or the ghetto. Yup, “tha’s” the case!

By dawn

April 3, 2007 4:13 PM | Link to this

Ms. Jones We teach our kids they have to work hard for what they want. I hear alot of people saying, go to school, make good grades, so you can get a descent job. We teach our kids go to shcool get an education and work for your self. That’s only part of our parenting. Believe me when I say they have to earn these things. They don’t have to be in the work force to learn the value of money. We stat teaching them that at the age of 5. They also have a saving account, that they must maintain too. My oldest went to school with a gentlemen who parents at the time thought they was teaching him the value of money. He was a good student in school, last week he was killed trying to rob some one. My point is we never know what the out come is going to be. We can only do our best as parents. Your best may not be my best and my best may not be yours. My father raised me by giving me everything I wanted. He never had to spank me, and I own my own busines that I worked hard to get upon completion of college. My husband was raised the same and by the grace of God we are doing fine.

Thank you, I as well think you are doing a great job with raising your daughter.

By dawn

April 3, 2007 4:24 PM | Link to this

Good Grief you never met my kids to judge my kids. The name calling just shows your mentality. My kids are great kids whom share with others. They don’t judge by what they have or not. You call them brats because we give them what they want. I’m one to hate to see what you call your own.

Leslie Give up. I’m above that child’s play. I am sorry you did not get what you want growing up but let go. Use your negative energy for something positive. You remind me of one of my professors, whom I loved to death because I would get to writing or typing so fast and would not proof read my work, turn it in and get a low grade. But because of him I walked out with a master Accounting. I’m better with numbers. Keep up the good work. Who knows maybe you’ll grow up to be a teacher.

By Leslie

April 3, 2007 4:25 PM | Link to this

I am laughing so hard, my stomach hurts! “Descent” job?! “Shcool”? We “stat” teaching?! A “gentlemen who parents”?! “They was”?! And the funniest of all was reading you completed college! Where, pray tell? Remind me not to send MY children there! Oh I don’t doubt you own your own business. In fact, haven’t I seen some of your employees strutting down Boulevard in hoochie-mama outfits??

By Jeff

April 3, 2007 4:26 PM | Link to this

Maria@4:00:

AMEN!!

By Grant Parker

April 3, 2007 4:32 PM | Link to this

I am fighting, mightily, the temptation to start off with something like, “In my day, kids didn’t…” Whew! OK. The temptation has passed. In my nephew’s day, kids started going to proms in stretch limos. At the time, I thought that was something of a stretch: Why rent a silly, long car for one evening? Now, the limo is practically as de rigueur as the corsage. Enough! I say. Mamas (dads, too) don’t let your babies grow up to be choir boys, singing outside some girl’s door for a night on the town.

By SET

April 3, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this

Lisa B:

You are sadly mistaken in your belief that people are obligated to have an intergrated prom - or any other social event. It’s one thing to have an intergrated Graduation Ceremony which I believe is a Civic event and must not be segregated.

Proms - Parties and the like are social events. They are not Civic Events like the swearing in of a Governor or a Public School Graduation. People are different and you risk your life now in many parts of the USA to not get that one straight.

In Social events people have a reasonable expectation to be able to behave as they truly are - and to not have to suffer the behavior of those that are different. And it works both ways.

That’s why social events are by definition segregated. We can discuss the differences in mating behavior, language and dress used, and dance moves. It all boils down to the fact that decent people have no intention of setting foot into an open party anymore in California. People are being killed so often now that it’s not even newsworthy anymore beyond the school paper.

When I was a (child) teen I was told about the importance about limiting your associations - now my younger colleagues openly worry about the safety of their children at night. The black and Hispanic parents are the most fearfull of of their children being shot or worse. And these are families where the parents are university educated - and the kids go to a “good” school.

People are different. Say Hello to the wonderful world of diversity as practiced in California and soon the entire USA.

By Leslie

April 3, 2007 4:36 PM | Link to this

No, Dawn, I got what I NEEDED growing up; a sense of responsibility. I have no “negative energy”, need for “letting anything go” or any of that outdated, leftover 1980’s New-Age psychobabble. Jeff & Maria: Amen to you BOTH!!

By luvs2teach

April 3, 2007 4:44 PM | Link to this

Maria - off-topic, but your comment reminded me of a student I had 3 years ago - when I told him his answer was incorrect, he told me that I shouldn’t tell him that because it would damage his self-esteem! He wasn’t joking, either…

I think it’s nice if a prom night can be special, and something to look forward to - unfortunately, we have these overblown expectations, and when it doesn’t live up, it’s just disappointing. By pushing everything down age-wise, we just give them more stuff to expect and more stuff to top.

My prom was fine - I had fun - but it wasn’t a “magical night” that was going to affect the rest of my life.

By Shelley

April 3, 2007 4:47 PM | Link to this

My son is spending more on his senior prom than I did on either of my weddings & you have to ask if this whole thing has gotten out of hand??

By dawn

April 3, 2007 4:54 PM | Link to this

leslie it was truely a pleasure but I must go now. Maybe you’ll get one of my employees struuting up and down boulevard in their hoochie-mama outfits. If you do make sure you pay them well. You’re a joke. Talk to ya soon.

To everyone else, children are special. Loving a child doesn’t mean you have to spoil your child. Spoiling a child happens to be a choice. A choice that is ours. We spoil our children not just with money but with love and time. All of you who have a problem with that, SO!

By Stacey

April 3, 2007 4:56 PM | Link to this

Jeff…My nephew’s kindergarten (in another state) had a formal prom. Although I have to admit that his picture in the little tux is adorable, I still think it was a bit much.

My son’s school had a pre-k graduation. Instead of caps & gowns, they wore t-shirts printed with ” (name of school) 2006 Pre-K Celebration”, demin short and sneakers. They sang all of their little “learning” songs, put on skits and things like that. I thought it was cute but to each his own. They did take cap & gown pictures, though.

By catlady

April 3, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this

Some of this reminds me of Richard Pryor or Robin Williams saying, “Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you make too _ much money.”

As a teacher I have seen kids who have too much (and too little!) of everything. What I have seen starts out small, like a bribe (reward?) for good grades. Soon that reward isn’t good enough, and the child renegotiates for more. Soon, the child is getting bribed ever-increasing ransom for doing homework, helping around the house, etc. The parent ups the bid in order to keep the “good” behavior coming, instead of EXPECTING the child to do the correct thing in the first place. Folks, it ain’t a pretty sight, and while your child may seem happy, the sense of entitlement and sense of “specialness” is played out in many unhappy, fruitless, and unproductive ways every day.

By catlady

April 3, 2007 5:04 PM | Link to this

Also, these extravagant expenditures let parents sit around and play “Ain’t It Awful” with each other, one-upping each other about what their children put them through (see Transactional Analysis books for a better description of this game). Or see the Monty Python skit about the Scottish industrialists one-upping each other about their miserable beginnings.

By Chris

April 3, 2007 5:10 PM | Link to this

Jeff your correct, kids have nothing to look forward to when they get older. I finished high school in 1987 and driving the family car the basketball game on friday was a priveledge, of course the curfew was midnight but it was fun. Going to college was the reward because you could stay out all night.

We didnt have cell phones or ipods back then but you didn’t get a boom box or an Atari just because you asked for it, it was earned. Going to the movies on the weekend was earned. Going skating was earned. The first time I seen a female in a pair of G-strings I was in college and I lost my mind.. now its an everyday statement.

Kids don’t have anything to cherish or value in life and that needs to change. By the time they reach our age they wont have any goals because they have experienced everything…

It’s time for us parents to pull back and make these kids value life and the dollar…

By Georgia

April 3, 2007 5:16 PM | Link to this

Stacy - Even though I don’t agree with all these “graduations” from school to school, my daughter did have the cutest little pre-K graduation at KinderCare. I just love her little cap and gown picture, such a sweet baby face. It seems just like yesterday…..now she is in high school and we are preparing for her REAL graduation.

By HB

April 3, 2007 5:20 PM | Link to this

Jeff, to answer your question about court challenges and segregated proms: there’s nothing to challenge because the schools do not host segregated proms. In the town where I grew up, the first integrated school-sponsored prom was in 1988. Before that, there was no school-sponsored prom. White parents hosted a prom at Holiday Inn, and black parents hosted one at Shoney’s Inn. I knew of another county where the school hosted a prom, but only black students went to it. White parents hosted a separate prom the same night.

By cyan

April 3, 2007 5:41 PM | Link to this

i think that it has become a joke. these kids do not even realize the expense and really do not appreciate it. maybe i have a bad vantage point. i went to many formals during high school and had a blast. but i rewore the same gown a lot and we were always driven by family. my senior prom was the biggie. limo and all. it also was one of the biggest let downs of all times. we had all spent so much time trying to plan out everything that it could never live up to our ideas. i think more and more kids are feeling the same way. there is a catch. i knew of other formals that were fun. i knew that the let down was just that. i think now a days they do not that it was a bust.

these are the same kids that will grow up and plan a wedding instead of a marriage. over priced and value-less.

but i hope i am wrong!

By TLYNNG

April 3, 2007 6:03 PM | Link to this

HAS PROM GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL? ABSOLUTELY!! IT SADDENS ME TO KNOW THAT PURE INNOCENT FUN IS NO LONGER VIEWED AS SUCH AND DEFINITELY COSTS!! GROWING UP THE YOUNGEST OF 4 CHILDREN WITH SIBLINGS CONSIDERABLY OLDER THAN ME, I COULD NOT WAIT UNTIL I COULD, ONE DAY, SHOP FOR A BEAUTIFUL GOWN FOR MY PROM DAY LIKE MY OLDER SISTER. ONCE IN HIGH SCHOOL, MOST OF MY FEMALE CLASSMATES COULDN’T WAIT EITHER. OF COURSE THERE WERE THE VERY COSTLY GOWNS BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WAS IT WAS A VERY NICE NIGHT AND IT WAS FUN!! MY HIGH SCHOOL ONLY HOSTED THE DANCE AND THE AFTERPROM. EACH STUDENT WENT TO DINNER ON THEIR OWN. MOST RENTED LIMOS, BUT THEN A GOOD MAJORITY PREFERRED TO DRIVE A CAR OF THEIR CHOICE. I WAS COMPLETELY APPAULD WHEN I HEARD A RADIO PERSONALITY MENTION THE TOTAL COST OF THEIR SON’S PRIME OUTTING!!! THE SCHOOLS, THE COUNTIES, THE PARENTS SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED AND SHOULD NOT CONDONE SUCH A THING. NO WONDER OUR CHILDREN ARE BORED TO DEATH OR SEARCHING AND LOOKING FOR IDENITIES. THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING W/ SUBSTANCE JUST TRYING TO OUTDO ONE ANOTHER. THE PARENTS LIKE THE COMPETITION AS WELL. THINGS SHOULD NOT ENTAIL SO MUCH COST FOR OUR YOUNG. WE ARE ROBBING OUR CHILDREN OF THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE LONG LASTING FUN AND INNOCENT MEMORIES BECAUSE EVERYTHING COST SO MUCH. WHY SHOULD A HIGH FOOTBALL GAME BE $7 FOR A STUDENT??? HOW CAN YOU ENCOURAGE STUDENT PARTICIPATION AND ENVOLVEMENT, WHEN SOME KIDS CAN’T AFFORD TO EVEN PARTICIPATE IN SCHOOL SPONSORED EVENTS. WHY SHOULD A PROM’S COST BE EQUAL TO SOMEONE’S RENT???? THE LESS FORTUNATE GIRLS AND BOYS WILL BE DISCOURAED FROM PARTICIPATING BECAUSE THEY ALREADY KNOW THEIR PARENTS DON’T HAVE THE MONEY. IS THAT WHAT OUR SCHOOLING SYSTEM WANTS? DO WE WANT TO LOSE THOSE KIDS TO GANGS AND OTHER TYPE OF HARMFUL THINGS THAT ARE “FREE” AND EASIER TO ACCESS????? PROMS, HOMECOMINGS, FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL GAMES ARE FOR THE KIDS (STUDENTS). LET’S START MAKING IT BE ABOUT THEM!!! ALL SHOULD BE ABLE TO ATTEND BECAUSE IT’S AFFORDABLE. IT’S GETTING TO THE POINT NOW, WHERE I AM STARTING TO HOLD THE PARENTS ACCOUNTABLE. QUIT TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES OR EVEN OUTDO THE JONES. WE ARE LOOSING OUR CHILDREN TO SUCH FRIVILOUSE POINTLESS THINGS ALL IN THE NAME OF MATERIALISM.

By luvs2teach

April 3, 2007 6:10 PM | Link to this

Tlynng - I agree with your message, but no need to shout, sweetie ;-)

By Lisa B.

April 3, 2007 6:12 PM | Link to this

SET,

It is my understanding that Turner Co. was forced to intergrate their prom because it is a school sponsored event. One of my co-workers lives in that county and said the Governor of Georgia actually ordered the school system to integrate the dance, or cancel it. My co-worker says many kids are boycotting the dance.

I am not sure of the authority or legality of forcing the integration. I am just sharing what I have been told.

I don’t have strong opinions about it, I just thought it was an interesting bit of news.

By Ripdog

April 3, 2007 6:24 PM | Link to this

It might be getting rather expensive but so what. Kids need something to look back on with fond memories because they will never get this moment in life again. I’m not saying they need a stretch Hummer and the Presidential Suite at the Four Seasons. They should have something nice. They are about to graduate from high school, the care free days of their life are about to be numbered, and honestly, we as adults know that as time goes, so do friends. They all go off in their seperate directions. If you have it, shell out $1,000 and give your kid a good memory. And trust me, I’m cheap, I don’t like to spend money but some things are just worth it.

By Val

April 3, 2007 7:25 PM | Link to this

You people are crazy. Just because some guy or girl wants to take the time and ask the person of their choice in a “special” way is no reason to go all crazy over it. They are doing something nice and memorable. There is nothing wrong with that. I have seen the reality shows on MTV and yes the Sweet 16 people are nuts, but then again…so are their parents. So I guess you have to consider the source.

By SET

April 3, 2007 7:32 PM | Link to this

Lisa B: I remember the controversy also. I suppose you can have school sponsored social events if you are in an area that is not diverse - where everybody operates on at least some common ground (regardless of race). Those days are over in CA.

Around here the social scene is just too diverse with people living on different planets. Open parties are like inviting the Montagues and the Capulets to a dinner - except we have a far larger number of warring parties and they are actually (routinely) armed, on drugs, and very bad aims. Our Mexican gangs are divided into Nortenos and Suerenos (North vs South) and will kill (Hispanic) perfect strangers (of the other gang affiliation or non-affiliated) on sight. As if that wasn’t bad enough sometimes only they can easily tell each other apart so you can’t always be sure which gang you’re standing at the punch bowl with.

Then we have the Blacks… If they aren’t getting shot by the Hispanics they are fighting each other. Then the various Asian ethnics who don’t get along especially if women are involved… It goes on and on.

So not only are the parties racially segregated, but within races they are restricted to subgroups. Then of course if you have a football team party you may have conflict with the women (groupies) in attendance depending on who is with who this week.

GA probably does not have most of these problems yet because you are not as diverse as CA. I am under no illusions as to the ability of Public High Schools to get into the business of putting on social functions much longer. It would be different if the school already had an iron fist on discipline, but they don’t. And I’m not sure the schools want to get control of discipline.

My point is that it is not unreasonable to stop the public school official proms rather than to undertake the liability of running a “social event” if having the prom is creating all these problems. Among other things, a Prom is a mating function (at least with training wheels). It is far better that the families involved operate such a thing and do it to whatever their standards may be. To each his own and that’s not a bad thing.

I still violently opposed racially segregated high school and college graduations. UC Berkeley has a Black Graduation at a separate place and time. If I were governor I’d bring that school down around their ears before I’d tolerate it.

By Lee

April 3, 2007 7:47 PM | Link to this

Way back when….

… in the mid 70’s, our proms were the Jr/Sr prom. The Jr class decorated the gym each year. I think my first year, it was about half and half tuxedo’s to leisure suits (remember them?). A lot of the girls wore full length gowns, many didn’t. Hopefully, you had an older brother who had a nice car. If not, you drove what you had. Funny to see the girls getting out of a “jacked up” four wheel drive truck in a long dress, though. Dinner at the local steak house. Most had to be home by 11 or 12.

It was in the mid-80’s that our local school quit having the prom in the gym and began having it in a hotel ballroom about 25 miles away. I think the kids missed out on half the fun of really getting to decorate the gym during “prom week.”

One concession I will make about today’s proms though. I don’t think several couples going in together and renting a limousine is a bad idea. I’d much rather have a professional driver chauffeur the kids around than to have my daughter in an SUV with about 6 other teenagers and a distracted 17 year old at the wheel. When about 8 kids go in together, the cost is really not that much.

By methinks

April 3, 2007 7:49 PM | Link to this

Has prom gotten out of hand? You answer the question…a few items to consider: gowns costing nearly as much as a wedding dress the expectation of a limo dinner at bones (or something equally pricey) the expectation of a hotel room the after party etc., etc. i’m sorry but this is a dumb question.

By Jeff

April 4, 2007 8:32 AM | Link to this

I’ve been thinking some over the past day or so….

What we REALLY need is a State School Superintendent who is in NO WAY tied to any lobbyists or political party. Someone who can take a REAL look at the ENTIRE state of Education in this state and have the balls to say “Like me or not, I’m going to tackle these issues. I’m going to tell you what I plan, and if you have a better idea, here’s how to contact me. I will PERSONALLY respond to you, and openly discuss the merits of your proposal.”

In other words, someone who would take the poltiics OUT of the equation all together.

For instance (one of the things I was thinking about): Year Round Schools. Who are the most vocal critics? The Daycare industry and the tourism industry (and note that most of the tourism industry that is so vocal isn’t even in this state!!). But I would go so far as to say two things: 1) The Daycare industry will adapt to whatever the Education Dept decides. It will have to, to remain in business. 2) Ever notice that the vacation you paid a TON of money for in Pananma City in July would be HALF the price in October or February? And guess what: most of the stuff you would do is still open. I know for a FACT that DisneyWorld, Universal Studios, SeaWorld, Busch Gardens, Wild Adventures, and Cypress Gardens are open year round. And wouldn’t you MUCH prefer to go to Florida during the NON-hurricane season?

Right now, I know of a few in-state people that I would trust as being able to do this, and that could possibly be convinced to try. The question is: could they withstand the onslaught of the political machine of both parties? (To do this the way I envision, one would almost HAVE to run as an independent, yet still be able to use the media as well as an established party.)

Anyways, just ramblings…. Bridget, think I should write it up as one of your “guest blogger” entries?

By InWonder

April 4, 2007 8:38 AM | Link to this

Good for you. You can pay X amount of dollars for your kid to go to prom. Doesn’t mean you have to. It is your money you earned, your kids didn’t work as hard as you did to earn it. Ya your kids got, according to you, “good grades”… how inflated are the grades in your kids school? You would be surprised. They may bring you an great report card and you just take it as gospel and pretty much give them a blank check. Why not ask to see the work done in school that was graded not just the work you saw them do as homework. It may look right to you but you could be completely wrong? Ever think that you may be wrong and giving your child the wrong answer? Oh, I forgot…parents in Metro Atlanta are perfect and so are their kids, so, not an issue to spend X amount of money on them. Why not make your kids do actual work like mowing the lawn, vacuuming, etc. and make them earn the money to pay for prom. They complain. You don’t pay. Easy. Don’t let your kids control you like all the parents around here deny to the hilt that they don’t. You could fool me. Also, why cannot we tell our kids “no” to anything. Why can we not tell them “you get to look forward to __ when you are in high school, have PATIENCE (oh my word! the humanity! I said PATIENCE… something we all FAIL to show…and refuse to too and do not teach our kids, who should be taught. Don’t know why? It will NOT kill your kids to learn it. I have yet to see a patient kid lately, they all want it now and the parents bend like clockwork - and the kids know you will break, you parents are so easy to them to break…all they have to do is exist and pretty much do NOTHING to get EVERYTHING they want -that IS a majority of kids today, very few actually do stuff to get stuff, they are the minority now.)

Ok… that was my two cents. (The “perfect” parents can chime in now…)

By prommy mommy

April 4, 2007 8:48 AM | Link to this

I think the outlandishness of proms is going too far and might be dangerous. I live in Griffin, and when I went to the prom it was at a local venue and priced so everybody could go. This year, my daughter’s prom is going to be at the Westin in downtown Atlanta, 40 miles away, even though we have a lovely convention center and ballroom here in town, where they had a wonderful military ball last month. Neither she nor her boyfirend wants to drive that far, and limos are outrageously expensive, so that leaves many inexperienced teen drivers to brave the highways in the middle of a Saturday night. We have arranged for our daughter and her boyfriend to stay at her gandmother’s house in Buckhead that night so they don’t have to drive. The amount of money that this poor boy had to cough up to take my daughter to the prom is an outrage and the school should be ashamed. I feel sorry for him. I am planning to write to the school when all of this is over to complain and suggest that they hold the prom locally from now on. Enough is enough!

By Iwouldhate

April 4, 2007 9:04 AM | Link to this

It must be horrible having children running around with their friends pretending to be Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay.

By AnIdea

April 4, 2007 9:10 AM | Link to this

I have an idea. Why not require the junior class to pay for the prom? Before you get all “how can they do that?” let me explain:

Freshman Year: Begin doing things to earn money: bake sales during the lunch periods, car washes, etc (be creative)

Sophomore Year: Continue saving by doing events through out the year.

Junior Year: Choose a theme that can be afforded by how much they earned so far and ticket sales. Tickets should not be over $50 per couple, $25 per person. Have the prom at the school or a local location.

Senior Year: Enjoy! For it is only going to get harder - Welcome to College, then Welcome to the Real World (uh, parents the “Real World” is not you bailing your kids out, they are now adults a fully able to take care of themselves and deal with their own actions and consequences, please take 100 steps back and let go/”cut the cord” You cannot parent anymore - that time is up now and it will feel like it is killing you do so but you will NOT die, you can only give your opinions now - that is really how it works or should work.)

Proms do NOT have to take place at ritzy locates or gords of money spent to make them a great memory.

By lovelyliz

April 4, 2007 9:18 AM | Link to this

It’s a shame that everything associated with the Prom has gotten so elitist, exclusive and expensive. Is the dance supposed to be for all the senior students or just the ones whose parents have deep enough pockets to afford all of this?

By ImJustAGirl

April 4, 2007 9:23 AM | Link to this

When I was in high school years the rule was this: If dad didn’t approve on how you dressed, you didn’t wear it. To him, if he felt uncomfortable how me or my sisters dressed before going out to the mall, a date, prom or anywhere where there was a mixed group, you were not wearing what you are dressed in. For he didn’t want any guy to look at us in any manner that could “lead to anything” by the guy. We were raised to watch out for guys who were only interested in “their needs”. If you know what I mean. If we snuck out he always knew. He would lock everything up and turn the alarm on, which meant trying to get back in would turn on the alarm because he refused to tell us the code and he changed it monthly. Also, if he knew he said no to how we dressed and saw that we were leaving with something that could carry the clothing he didn’t approve of he would stop us, take the clothes and tell us that we could not long own those clothes. Mom always had his back and would get very upset when we came home with questionable clothing…sometimes she didn’t think it was anything wrong with it, but if dad said anything she had his side and would ask us to return the clothing to the store or she’ll return it herself if we gave any grief. That was just how it was. We as the kids had no say nor did my parents think we had any because to them kids should obey their parents and not rule them, by giving kids a say you are telling them they are all equal, which is should not be - kids and parents are NOT equal and do NOT have equal say. My parents told me and my sisters, you can dress or do anything you want when you are not living under my roof that I pay for. Until then, my rules. You will have more time on your own to dress how you want than the short time you are under my roof. So, TRUE.

By Charity

April 4, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this

Prom is a joke. The only thing magical about this evening is that its one night the parents are footing the bill for all the irresponsible behavior the kids can pack into one night. The girls just look forward to outdoing the others and the guys are just looking to get lucky on prom night- all in the back of a limo or hotel suite that mom and dad so graciously furnished along with daughter’s skin tight barely-there dress, hair, nail, and make-up. Also the lady that couldn’t spell mentioned college papers she would turn in with mistakes because she was typing too fast. Typing too fast usually generates spelling errors- not full blown grammatical errors like in her posts. I had to read some a couple of times before I could understand what she was trying to say. Three words-proofread, proofread, proofread!

By Zoe

April 4, 2007 9:24 AM | Link to this

I’m in the process of planning prom this year at school, I fought with the kids EVERY step of the way to make sure that we did not go overboard for the prom itself. They wanted to spend a mint on favors and decorations, I refused to let them. They seemed to think we had an unlimited amount of money to spend on everthing. By controlling the costs on our end and using good vendors, we are going to have a nice, classy prom at a very prestigious downtown location. Now, on the kids’s side, we have no control over that, but I do know the prom itself will not be over the top.

By Lisa B.

April 4, 2007 9:28 AM | Link to this

Lee,

You make a good point about the safety factor with limosines. I’d never thought of that, and have believed for sometime that limos for Prom were ridiculously extravagant. That’s what I like about this blog. I come across ideas that sometimes change my own opinions. Come to think of it, I remember a horrible accident on the night of my senior prom, years ago. All six teens in the car died. A limo rental would have prevented that.

My son is 13-years-old. I have all this to look forward to. Sigh.

By cyndi

April 4, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

Yes the prom and all that goes with is out of hand. Parents need to curtail the funds they provide for this outlandish event. Take it back to dance at the school gym that the kids decorate.

By Scott Case

April 4, 2007 9:33 AM | Link to this

Back at the 1996 at the Shiloh High school prom (before it was thugged out and pre Diana Degarmo and David Pollack), we rode a double decker bus firing forty bottles out the window like idiots. Then we ate a bunch of vicodins a la Cecil Flowe(we never could beat Parkview exept in soccer). Good times. Everyone got laid. As far as the extravagance, I pray to allah for an Al Quada attack on the next sweet 16 birthday party on MTV. Anyways, rock on Seniors, you’ll soon be cranking out babies in Loganville or Cobb and you’ll be divorced at 30. You teens have a lot to look forward to.

By zoe

April 4, 2007 9:38 AM | Link to this

Andlea, Most at most schools I think the Junior class does pay for prom, at least in our county. However, the problem results when the class in question does not have any sponsors. This year, we agreed to be the junior class sponsors because no one else would do it and I really like this class of kids. However, at many schools, there is a constant changing of the guard. I’ve been at the school I teach at for only 6 years and I’m considered a veteran! It is hard to find people willing to sponsor a class and see things through all four years. Many times the people willing to do so are already over committed to a million different things.

Also, I hate to break it to you but kids DO NOT like fundraising. We have a class of over 600 kids and during our fundraisers, we have a core group of about 15 kids (basically the prom committee) that works with us. We had to FORCE the class officers to do stuff! I’ve told anyone that has any delusions of being an officer senior year, that if they did not help out this year, we would make sure they were not officers next year. There is a lot to do for senior year and there is no way I am working with lazy, in it for the line on the resume kids.

Also, any profit made by the Junior class goes towards graduation expenses (sound system rental, location fees, security, diplomas and other incidental items) Basically, we need to make a profit on prom- hence there is NO way we’re selling tickets for $25 a piece, that wouldn’t even cover the caterer. Plus, we have to comp all the faculty that want to attend. Do not tell me faculty should pay, where else will we get chaperones? I’d rather have teachers I know and that know a majority of the kids, than random parents that have never stepped into at PTA meeting show up all of a sudden for the free food.

In regards to the location not being ritzy? The past few years the prom has been a hotel that while nice, was not a destination for anyone except someone looking for a cheap place to stay while on a layover. These proms were not well attended. The key is in the numbers. If you have a nice location, more students are willing to attend, bringing the cost down. Why would a kid want to go to a prom in a hotel by the airport? Basically, you can exchange one conference room for another there. This is evident in the number of tickets we’ve sold for the prom this year vs. the proms of past years.

By landsaf

April 4, 2007 9:43 AM | Link to this

Yet another reason why I am happy we chose not to have kids!

By But What About...?

April 4, 2007 9:50 AM | Link to this

Some of you mentioned proms of decades gone by where kids decorated the gym themselves & didn’t have dinner at a 5-star French restaurant. WHY can’t we go back to that? But the folks who were remembering that stated that this enabled “everyone” to be able to go to prom. Umm, no. Remember yesterday a poster told us she wasn’t allowed to go, by school authorities because she had a physical defect that prevented her from getting a date? Also, Charity, that other woman’s appalling mishmosh of bad grammar & misspellings was less about lack of proofreading than it was about being low-class ghetto trash. I HIGHLY doubt she & her thug kids are anywhere near as educatd as she claims. Some things are just so obvious.

By Megan

April 4, 2007 9:57 AM | Link to this

I went to a very large private school and the only people allowed to go to the Prom were Junior and Seniors (and their dates, which could not be of an age under the age of a Sophomore, Freshman could not be invited). It was paid by the Junior class. At our school we did start saving and doing stuff like fundraisers to save up for the prom, the senior class trip and graduation. Tickets were $24 per couple, $12 each person. Food was prepared at the school by students who signed up to help - students also served the food. The menu was pre-planned (bought in bulk at Sams) and the event was sit-down. A simple meal of a meat, two side items, bread and dessert. Water,Tea or Coffee was all the beverages that was offered (because that was the cheapest). Total cost was under $5K (the school didn’t pay anything). All the high school teachers attended and they were not required to go and they had to pay too. We also had a photographer, who was a teacher’s brother, come in and take pictures for free (but we still paid him). All this took place in our school gym. Yes, you could tell it was in the gym, but when you walked in, the decorations made it beautiful! I will never forget the two times I went to prom at my school. We always had money left over and everyone in our class was able to go on the week-long senior trip (to England) and graduate (and we had money left over to give everyone $50). All the money we ever earned or was given was put into one place to be shared by the class. Parents were asked not to pay for just their kid, but to put the money in the pool so that everyone could have a wonderful high school experience… not one parent complained about that. We even had someone put almost a grand in the account… we have no idea who and they didn’t want to be named. And every class always had that happen to them. The kindness of strangers…

By But What About...?

April 4, 2007 10:06 AM | Link to this

Megan, the way your school did it was very sensible, but again, WAS everyone allowed to go??? Did the parents of girls who weren’t asked have to chip in too?

By Amanda

April 4, 2007 10:16 AM | Link to this

My daughter went to her junior prom this year. Next year she’ll have her senior prom and my two younger children will have their junior prom. I put limits on the amount we will spend on their dresses (which I paid for) and the rest, they have to give me money to save for the shoes, hair, nails, dinner, tickets, etc. We spent about $200 less on her dress this year than I saw other parents spending. For their eighth grade dances, I spent $40 on the dress and the next year for my younger daughter I had that same dress altered to fit her for $20. They wore the same shoes and I did their hair, makeup and nails myself. I try to keep in line of the way my parents did things with me…I think kids should be taught what it’s going to be like in a couple of years when they are in the real world and not under the protective umbrella of their parents.

By Laura P.

April 4, 2007 11:09 AM | Link to this

As a teen, living in Southern California, I attended an “alternative” (i.e. “hippie”!) high school. Our senior prom was held in a park outdoors. You could wear what you want & did NOT have to have a date. A lot of kids AND teachers played instruments so they brought those; we had a jam! As for refreshments, each kid brought something vegetarian & I’ll tell you, some of these moms can COOK! MY mom made home-made potato salad for me to take. The whole evening was relatively cost-free, loads of fun, no pressure, not stiff, or phony or artificial like the proms of today.

By Megan

April 4, 2007 12:19 PM | Link to this

Everyone who was a Junior or Senior was allowed to go along with their dates, but those dates could not be of Freshman age. So if you were a Freshman or Sophomore you didn’t go, but you had something to look forward to. What do you mean “Did the parents of girls who weren’t asked have to chip in too?” The tickets were $12 per person - everyone I knew who went by themselves paid just for their ticket and their parents only helped pay for the dress (and all of them worked to pay for the ticket and half the cost of the dress per request of the parents - it may of been a private school, but many parents went without a lot to pay for the education and not much left over…and yes there were those with money, but they still made their kids pay for at least the ticket).

By Tonya

April 4, 2007 1:54 PM | Link to this

All you old people can complaint and call names as much as you want. When you were young your parent did the same complainted about the cost. I wish my parent had the money to spend the way some parent did, but does that mean I am jealous of the ones whom parent did have the money. Hell NO! I don’t have low self esteem neither. I admired them as they me. So what those people gave their child 2,000.00 dollars to take his girlfriend to the prom. It’s parent like you that make chilren like us uncomfortable about what we have because of your judgmental attitude. The subject is “Has Prom got out of hand.” Not who’s not smart because of a typo or Racial ethnic. I am glad I am raised by parent whom tell me to be satified with what I have. If you ask me for all of you that past judgment on these parents for giving their children probably what they didn’t have are wrong. Then all of you that called these children names, “thugs, brats etc” should be a shame. You don’t know these people children. It’s people like you that lower children esteem and expectation. Reading all of your comments made me feel sadden. This is what I have to look forward to once I finish college. Thank you!

By InWonder

April 4, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this

You know what is sad? Hearing that a majority of kids have to be forced to help out to earn something. PROVES the point that we have given our kids WAY to much for the reason they exist (under the mask of “good grades”). Why don’t we make more of our kids work or encourage them to go after that job? They don’t go after it because they just expect that some illegal will go in and work for less - nothing to fight for so they will just go home and play a video game while dad takes out the trash and mom is taking care of the dishes. Oh give up… why should that bother them? They KNOW mommie and daddie will not press it, they seem to only care that you “apparently passed” your classes and so they can go to college. Yet, it is these same kids we see on shows like Dr. Phil or witness first hand coming home after college and just not leaving and NOT working because they KNOW mommie and daddie will not make them do anything and they can do whatever they he*& please. God forbid they lift a finger to help! It is a small minority of kids out there that do chores, work outside of home/school. It IS the majority of kids that do nothing but what they want or they are living the life that mommie and daddie wished they did. No wonder our society is going down the drain FAST. It is so obivious yet I forget that there are more “perfect parents” and “perfect kids” than ever… if they are so “perfect” why are we going to he#% in a handbasket?

Oh, FYI - I am not jealous of anyone just fustrated by parents who think their sh&^ don’t stink and neither does their children and in doing so completely don’t see the end result, they just want to look at today.

By Punkin

April 4, 2007 3:59 PM | Link to this

I’m glad to live in America. A land of freedom. Freedom to raise my child the way I want. I agree with Tonya. My mother raised me solo,my father died when I was 13. I was the youngest of 9 children. I was extremely spoiled. If the truth be known I still am. I attended Spelman and graduated with my Master in Communication. I remember when I went to the prom for the first time. I was asked by a senior in my 10th grade year. The guy that took me came from a well off family and he did it big. I was so excited and had a ball. The next year the guy that took me did not go all out but I still had a ball. I looked good. My mother spent alot on what I wanted. It was what I wanted. My mother and my sibling has always given me what I want. I wasn’t because I made good grades, it was because I was a great child. I had my share of disappointments, ups and downs, but for the most part of it I got everything I wanted. Does that make me a bad person? a lazy person? an ungrateful person? a non productive person? a more happy or sad person? It made me whom I am. I have a wonderful job, a beautiful home, a loving husband and expecting a child of my own. Their are things I will do like my mother and things I will not. Do I think my mother was the perfect mother? I do. She was my perfect mother. Prom is what you make of it. If the every one was the same the world would be one boring place to live. Don’t condemn me or my mother because she could afford to get me all I wanted. In some way we all spoil our children. I know I will. Be happy and love, not angry and kill.

By prommy mommy

April 4, 2007 4:30 PM | Link to this

Punkin, go back to grad school. You have a few things to learn about grammar.

By SET

April 4, 2007 4:34 PM | Link to this

The more I see of these posts the more certain I am that Proms should not be school sponsored. Let the various factions of Parents put on whatever parties they want - hopefully all on the same night. Then everyone can be comfortable having things to their liking.

In this day and age how is a school supposed to put on a party for everyone (and whoever they invite) when we no longer have a common ground? Social events are about society and each society has it’s own rules and norms. We are bickering here because we are different. Difference is not necesarily bad. To each his own.

By Punkin

April 5, 2007 3:00 PM | Link to this

prommy mommy- Fk you. Go get a fking life. I may have a wonderful job and life but bch I will beat your a.

By mm

April 6, 2007 11:18 AM | Link to this

Nice, Punkin…way to resort to violence…not surprising though…did you say Spelman????????

By SAHM

April 6, 2007 3:09 PM | Link to this

Well, I for one did not go to the prom and 25 years later do not have a single regret. IT’S JUST A DANCE!!! My daughter wants to go to a prom (as homeschoolers we have many choices) and I’ll let her attend one. But it will NOT be an extravagant affair, the tickets will cost more than anything else! ROTFL at all the parents who think this is anything more than a dance. It is NOT a rite of passage, nothing about going to a prom signifies a life change. A rite of passage means you are one thing before the event and after the “passage” you are now something different. Dances don’t qualify.

By luvs2teach

April 6, 2007 3:57 PM | Link to this

SAHM - I called a prom a “rite of passage” because at one time it was - I was using the term as defined as a “ceremony signifying a transition form one stage to another” which, as a traditional senior prom, it most certainly WAS. It was a “ceremony,” and because it was tied with your senior year/graduation it did “mark a transition.”

My point was that by having a prom for this, that, and the other thing, it was no longer a “rite of passage” - it cheapened the event as something special and it became, as you say, just another over-priced dance.