Get Schooled

By MMM

June 22, 2006 01:27 PM | Link to this

You must make a distinction between what makes you feel loved and affirmed and what your child needs. I have seen teachers that some parents love and some hate for the same reason (example: she had high and bluntly conveyed expectations and would not be a marshmellow to stroke the heliocopter moms.) Some kids thought she was mean for that reason (usually the spoiled darlings).

I have also had a teacher who was young and just not able to handle everything smoothly. In that case, patience and encouraging comments seemed to help her loosen up and gain some confidence over time. I have never asked that my chilren get(or not get) a specific teacher.

Somewhere we must all strike a balance with protecting our kids and letting them learn to manage in situations that they(and we) may not enjoy. BUT I have never had to deal with a teacher that didn’t care. That would be very difficult.

By Nel

June 22, 2006 01:30 PM | Link to this

Patti:

So far I’m pretty lucky that neither of my children have had teacher I couldn’t stand. I have had one child complain of not liking a teacher but when questioned, it was more that the teacher was very demanding and didn’t let them get away with stuff. I’ve known parents who have issues with teachers that I have thought were wonderful. Different strokes I suppose.
I have no qualms about approaching a teacher if I think something isn’t right, or when I review work and see that the grade was wrong. They might not like it but I explain it to them from my child’s standpoint of having a right answer marked wrong. Sometimes it’s all in the approach, you need to walk a fine line and use a little “honey” sometimes.

One thing I always do is to make a connection with the teachers early in the year so that I build up a rapport with them. If there is ever an issue, we sit down and work through it together. I have found that they like the support.

By Ernest

June 22, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this

I have been in the postion before. I handled it by doing the ‘manly’ thing. I asked my wife to communicate with the teacher instead of me. She does a GREAT job of filtering my frustrations… :)

By Jeff

June 22, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this

MMM,

I am both of those! (My standards are EXCRUCIATINGLY high, and I am young and under-confident.) So far the tough-as-nails, balls to the wall, in your face attitude works though…

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

June 22, 2006 02:13 PM | Link to this

The Opinion Page, lead article by Maureen Downey, gives a perfect description of the first thing I look at when I meet a new teacher and decide if I like him/her or NOT. I’ve been blessed to have found 6 teachers who believed in a childs ability to learn.

See Below: “Too quickly dismissed” First step in keeping students in school and raising achievement is to believe in them from Day One”

I like teachers with a high tolerence for kids and want to educate all children, including those who are disruptive and have unconcerned parents.

I’ll say it again, school is about the children and not the parents.

By Vicki

June 22, 2006 03:25 PM | Link to this

So far so good for the last 5 years. We feel very lucky to have wonderful and caring teachers for our boys. I always look at the relationship with our teacher as a team. Together we can have the ability to teach our children. I might not always agree with 100% of what is asked, but they are the teachers and my (& my husband) job is to support and trust her/him in that role.

We are very thankful for all the hard work they put into helping raise our children.

By Taxpayer

June 22, 2006 04:03 PM | Link to this

In 9+ years, we have happened on only one truly dislikable teacher. She was a racist who regularly picked on the kids who were not her preferred “color.” She also made false and ignorant statements to and about the kids. There was nothing for us to do but file a formal complaint, which the administration ignored. However, when we urged ALL of the kids’parents to consider filing complaints if they felt there was a need, we were sadly surprised at how many children this teacher had belittled, mistreated, and undermined. We disliked this teacher because she was just a rotten person, not because there was a personality conflict.

By Felicia

June 22, 2006 04:07 PM | Link to this

To this point, my children have had great teachers. I believe in the parent-teacher partnership in education. Whether I like the teacher or not is irrelevant to me. The moment my children step into a classroom, I am there to let the teacher know that I am available to assist in any way that I can. By that, I mean securing a copy of the teachers unit plans, lesson plans, etc. so that I may teach my child along with the teacher. I am ultimately responsible for my children’s success.

By Nel

June 22, 2006 04:19 PM | Link to this

I seems from what I’ve seen here so far, that parents set the tone.

By Jeff

June 22, 2006 04:24 PM | Link to this

As far as believing in kids: The vast majority of teachers believe completely in their kids. But we’ve also resigned ourselves to knowing that no matter how much WE do, the kids are only going to accomplish what they want to accomplish. And THAT, my dear parents, falls back on you more than anyone…

As far as caring about kids: Which is more caring: being ultra strict and forcing the kids to learn that their are rules and consequences in life, or giving in to the kids every whim for fear that the parents will complain?

All I have to do is point to two people: Joe Clark and Jaime Escalante…

By Gail

June 22, 2006 04:35 PM | Link to this

Whether I like the teacher or not is immaterial. We can still have a cooperative working relationship. However, my kid had one teacher that I really had to grit my teeth about. Most of the teeth gritting happened when I was trying to make sure I didn’t disparage the teacher in front of my kid. I think it is a BIG NO-NO to badmouth the teacher in front of your kids. It undermines the teacher and puts the kid in a bad situation of divided loyalties, especially when the kid likes the teacher. This is one thing I really wish other parents would stop doing. Incidentally, both my kid and the teacher liked each other. So, go figure — kids are their own people and not little extensions of their parents. :)

By jim d

June 22, 2006 04:50 PM | Link to this

Unfortunately I have been in that situation. Seems I have a very bright child that would quitely attempt to explain to the teacher when she (the teacher) was wrong. As you can imagine this didn’t set well with this particular teacher. However, after a couple of P/T meetings where she invited the other team members, and even the principal, we seemed to iron things out. She and my child adapted. She listened when he raised a question and he learned to be a bit more tactful. I personally think it was a growing expierence for both of them.

We all stuck it out.It did make for a long year though!

By OldSchool

June 22, 2006 04:58 PM | Link to this

Some parents never communicate with their kids’ teachers until there is a problem (if even then) and will come to a conference with preconceived opinions of that teacher based solely on what the student(s) have told them. Folks, there really is such an animal as “kid truth.” It consists of information built from a kid’s perspective and slanted in favor of the child. Unfortunately, some parents hear only that one side of the story, even when the teacher puts the b&w information (assignments not turned in, test grades, attendance, discipline reports, etc.) right in front of them.

I’m not saying the teacher is always 100% right but I know I make every effort to present a clear, documented case. Also, if a disruptive student returns the next term to my elective class, I let him/her know that we are starting with a clean slate and clear expectations. The ball is back in the student’s court.

What really works for me is my “New Leaf” award. Inspired by a very challenging student who informed me he was “going to be the best drafter” I ever had, any student who “turns over a new leaf” gets his/her name written on a leaf that is taped to the frame of my marker board. That leaf can fall if the old inappropriate behaviors return and, like real leaves, will not go back up on the board. In 15 years, there are about 20 leaves and none have fallen. Parents of my “New Leaf” students aren’t normally very involved but they do indeed come to my classroom during Open House. They want to see and hear for themselves that the student actually did earn this recognition. It’s not much; they still don’t get too involved; but the change in the student is remarkable…at least in my class.

I have an open door policy and some parents do drop by during the day to see my classes in action. Some even share their expertise in areas like surveying, construction, estimating, design. It doesn’t all have to be about discipline.

By jim d

June 22, 2006 05:08 PM | Link to this

Old school, Parents aren’t all evil either, regardless of what some teachers think. You must understand I too am old school. Teacher may not have always been right but she was always the teacher. I showed her respect and demanded my child do the same. All I request is that she reciprocate. I really don’t think that’s evil, or demanding, do you?

By SET

June 22, 2006 05:16 PM | Link to this

MMM and some of the similar writers have the point.

Teachers are not there to be your friend, you family member. They are not there to give you love, to make you happy or comfortable. It’s nice if you get along but that is optional.

Teachers are not the students’ buddies, friends, and certainly not their peers. In fact they may not be the social peers of the families either.

Teachers are not the maids or servants of the students or their families. They are not at the beck and call of the family. Failure to plan on the part of the student & familiy is not an emergency on the part of the teacher.

Teachers have a duty & responsibility to all the students in his or her charge, so the Teacher cannot spend more than a reasonable amount of time on one student and his or her parent regardless of the needs of the student and family involved.

The Teacher will be professional in dealings with student and families. This is more than the student and families can say.

I’ll be happy with a teacher that runs a tight ship, discourages game playing, and communicates the subject matter to the students in a manner they don’t easily forget, and turns out a class with better than average subject absorbtion. Other than that she can ride a broom to work.

As the saying goes, If you’re looking for a good time, there’s a party down the street…

By Jeff

June 22, 2006 05:17 PM | Link to this

Old School,

I LIKE that one… I’ll have to copy…

Parents, This is somewhat weird, for me at least, but did you ever realize that although we teachers will CRUCIFY a student we catch plagiarizing, we copy each other’s stuff all the time?

By Nel

June 22, 2006 05:21 PM | Link to this

OldSchool, seems that the old carrot and stick still works wonders. I had a child who was a “problem child” who worked hard to keep their pin on green and stay off red. Working hard for a full year to get more yellow than red, resulted in never getting off green.

By Thomas

June 22, 2006 05:23 PM | Link to this

This whole talk about whether or not a parent likes a teacher is irrelevant.

This is part of the problem with education today— students and parents who want things their way. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the American system of education- it is based on a convergent system of thinking and behavior. The school system is just another institution of American society. Just like the other institutions, it is based on conformity.

Some of the attitudes I have read on this blog are pure disgusting. I appreciate it, because I get the opportunity to see how some people really feel.

Here is something to think about- the attitude at home sets the attitude a child feels about school. In my experience as a teacher, I have found that the students whose parents who were supportive of school/teachers got the most from their educational experience. I didn’t say that every parent provided the home instructional support that was expected (checking homework, making sure their child studied daily), but they were supportive.

What everyone also has to understand is that an outsider who has never been to college to study a trade or profesion, never been to a workshop or conference on particular strategies used in that arena, and never had any experience in that field should not be so quick to judge, insult,and criticize people who are educated, trained, and experience in a particular field of expertise. I don’t go into AAMCO transmission center and try to tell the mechanic how to fix my car. You don’t go into the bank and tell him how to do the paperwork for your mortage. You don’t tell the doctor how to treat you or perform surgery. WE DON’T QUESTION OR INSULT OTHER PEOPLE WE COME IN CONTACT WITH AND DO BUSINESS WITH ON A DAILY BASIS.

We should treat schools and teachers with the same respect, consideration, and courtesy that we treat other businesses and institutions on our society. Our schools are run by people who truly care for children and who are trained, experienced, and educated. We know what we are doing.

I have worked a lot of jobs and seen a lot of things in my life. But I have never come across a group of people who put so much of their own time, effort, money, and energy into their jobs as teachers. They are not reimbursed by the schools or government for the extra work they voluntarily (out of love) put towards teaching and their students. I myself have spent THOUSANDS of dollars and spent THOUSANDS of extra hours working to trying to provide my students with the best education possible. No one made me (or all the other teachers) do this. We do this because we care.

95% of parents are wonderful to work with. Regardless of whether they come from urban areas or rural ones, rich or poor, black or white, Catholic or atheist, they all care about their children and want them to succeed. They try to help both the teacher and school in any way they can, because they know that the school is trying to help their child and wants them to succeed. The other 5% should stop being so arrogant, selfish, and meanspirited. You’ll find that life will be a whole lot sweeter if you are sweeter.

By Jeff

June 22, 2006 05:23 PM | Link to this

Jim,

As long as your child is showing respect, your child will get it. On that you have my word. HOWEVER, I also do the reverse: Stop showing it, and you get none.

Also note: I tend to give kids a hard time and have no problems taking a few jabs in return. But when there is outright disobedience/ insubordination going on, it has to stop..

By a high school mom

June 22, 2006 05:40 PM | Link to this

Only once did my husband and I have an issue with a teacher. It was when our son was in the fourth grade. We attended a parent-teacher conference. Sure, the teahcer had his work in front of her…it had his name on it. However, it was quite obvious to us that she had no idea as to who our son was, or what he was capable of, because, she had him confused with another student!

How did we know this? She started giving us advice on things that we had never discussed before…like we should not be helping him with his homework, he should be developing study skills on his own as she’d said before, stop being so over-involved in his life and suggested that I get a hobby. ???!!!

She was coming at us from left field, and needless to say, I was puzzled. I had no idea what she was talking about. I’d never spoken to her at length before. He did not want us checking his work since midway thru third grade. Our expectations were higher.

When it dawned on me that she was talking about another student, I asked to whom she was referring. She realized her mistake and stopped dead in her tracks. When pressed, she could not describe our son’s personality or demeanor. And, she was beyond reproach. The idiot principal stood by her. These two women would never admit to a mistake.

Even with all that, I kept my opinion to myself. Our son, now 15, never knew what transpired at the conference. Things changed for our son after that, but I did not have confidence in the teacher. She was a good academic teacher, but her personal skills were lacking. He is a student who wants to learn and can obviously excel under many different circumstances. To this day, if we ask our son who his least favorite teacher was, it’s always her. You just never know what type of lasting impression you’re going to leave on a child.

By OldSchool

June 22, 2006 06:41 PM | Link to this

To jim d: I can’t recall using the word “evil” or referring to anyone that way. I agree that teachers should be treated with respect but that respect should start out as automatic. Keeping the respect is a day to day job. Likewise students and parents ought to be treated with respect, even when they do not particularly deserve it. That makes me powerful and allows me to remain calm and professional even when I am being verbally raked over the coals (which does not happen often.) Please don’t take the “powerful” comment wrong. It is not meant to be arrogant.

I am in a happy position as I taught the parent(s) of most of my students. Those parents know me very well and know my methods. 99% of the time they back me up. That’s what I like about being in Southwest Georgia- I can pick up the phone and call mama and know someone will get straightened out.

For the record, this past school year, I was in 4 parent/teacher conferences that were comprehensive, non-confrontational, very productive, and attended by both the student and the parent(s). That works extremely well for all parties because the REAL truth comes out and everyone can participate in developing a plan of action. Just meeting with the parent(s) is not my favorite kind of meeting.

By alice

June 22, 2006 06:55 PM | Link to this

This year I didn’t love my child’s Pre-K teacher (yes, I know it was only Pre-K and I have older children), but I found that I was really the only parent that felt that way by simply listening to the other parents talk. My daughter, by the way, loved her. I just wasn’t that impressed.

I never said a word to anyone. I do believe that teachers have personalities and kids do to, so sometimes that plays a role in relationships.

In third grade, years ago, my oldest had a teacher that I found so strict and regimented. She was not warm and fuzzy, but the kids liked her alot in part because they always knew the expectations. All us parents thought she worked them to death but the kids didn’t mind and we didn’t complain. (well, maybe except to each other.)

By jim d

June 23, 2006 08:08 AM | Link to this

Old school,

Here’s where we differ.

Politeness is automatic but respect is earned. Respect is not automatic for me.

By jim d

June 23, 2006 08:14 AM | Link to this

Thanks Thomas,

“Our schools are run by people who truly care for children and who are trained, experienced, and educated. We know what we are doing.”

I needed a good laugh!

Are you aware of how pompus a general statement like that sounds?

By Jeff

June 23, 2006 08:43 AM | Link to this

Jim,

Thomas and Old School were both right on. You, as normal, scare me. What happened to the days we were agreeing?

By jim d

June 23, 2006 10:04 AM | Link to this

Jeff,

I think We still agree.

Generalazations don’t cover all teachers anymore than they do anyone else. We are all human. Some of you know what you’re doing and others don’t have a clue. So to make a statement that teachers are educated professionals and know what they’re doing is rather humorous.

Like I said some do and some don’t. Those of you that do, earn my respect. The others? Hell, you good teachers don’t really respect them either so quit defending them.

By Jeff

June 23, 2006 10:18 AM | Link to this

Ok, I’ll amend:

Teachers are SUPPOSED to be educated professionals. SOME of us know what we are doing.

Though I tend to believe the following are ture:

In life, it is said that if you think you have it all figured out then you don’t have a clue. The same is true of teaching.

In math classrooms everywhere we are told that once something gets easy, wait a few minutes and it’ll be more than you can handle again. The same is true of teaching.

By decaturparent

June 23, 2006 11:26 AM | Link to this

I have found that, in retrospect, the two teachers I liked the least were the best teachers that my kids had. They both had stellar reputations in the district, but I thought that they were too strict. After the year was over though, I realized that my kids had learned A TON in their classes and that the kids really loved and respected them….. even though they complained about them during the school year.

By Robert

June 23, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this

decaturparent….

Students in my classes always say that I am too strict and hard. However, I regularly get students that return to me from college thanking me - and this is how I gauge my success.

Let’s face it, teenagers want everything to be easy and school work is the last on their priority list. If a teacher loads them with work and challeneges them, then this makes that teacher ‘bad’ in their eyes.

I hope that all parents realize that these are the best teachers for any true student.

By OldSchool

June 23, 2006 01:27 PM | Link to this

jim d, for me, politeness and respect go hand in hand. I was raised to be polite/respectful to everyone regardless of age, gender, social standing, opinion, politics, whatever. Politeness, for me, is a given…even in the most trying of situations. Respect must be continually earned. You will recall that I did say that respect for the teacher must start out as automatic but that teacher must (just as the student must) earn it every day. I believe this for everyone, not just students, teachers, parents, or administrators. I choose to believe that you are due my respect until you show me otherwise. So I think we are actually on the same page.

I will not resort to some of the language or actions that some parents have used over the years during “conferences.” It serves no constructive purpose for me…or them.

By thomas

June 23, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

jim d,

I’m glad you got a laugh. (We all need a good laugh sometimes). It wasn’t mean to be arrogant. But with the second guessing, questioning, and insults all teachers face from parents and the community, sometimes it feels good to vent.

Thomas