Get Schooled

By jim d

March 8, 2006 11:18 AM | Link to this

Sorry mom, don’t know what to tell you,

I too have noticed my son and some of his best friends really don’t shun each other at school but don’t actually hang out together either.

God, I wish as a society we would get beyond this superficial color barrier.

By T-Man

March 8, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

Peer pressure is a bigee. I for one have been in this situation and did not move to the same skin color table. There is more to it than just lunch it spills over to parties, after hour school activities and the hallways. The girl should continue her life as is and forget the harsh words of the racist black girls.

By polly

March 8, 2006 11:33 AM | Link to this

I taught my child from the time he could understand that he should never mistreat anyone. At the nursey, he defended mentally and physically challenged kids from others. As an adult, he doesn’t like to see any one picked on or singled out for anything. Its called respect. Let me add that he was very popular in school, but his group of friends included others that wouldn’t have been accepted by other “popular” students. He didn’t care

By lunchamuncha

March 8, 2006 11:38 AM | Link to this

From what I have seen and heard about the lunchroom scene at our school, there is far more pressure from Black kids to stay away from White kids than the reverse. My daughter, who is White, had an experience last year when a new Black friend of hers was told by her mother (yes, her mother!) to quit playing with my White daughter. I had always taught my children to be color blind, so I had a lot of catch up explaining to do when she told me about this.

Racism will never end unless both sides want it to end…. and the race mongers and arians will never let that happen. It’s a shame that my daughter can’t be friends with the kids that she wants to play with because of things that happened generations before she was born. This has to end at some point!

Politicians also have to keep the racial divide going to get votes - I really don’t see any end in sight - at least not in my lifetime. Darned shame!

By Be Strong

March 8, 2006 11:39 AM | Link to this

I bet your daughter is a bright, strong, young woman who has goals for her life. Am I right?

Hopefully, she is hanging with like minded girls, and it doesn’t matter if they are black OR white.

That is a tough age, but hopefully she can stay true to herself and leave those mean ghetto girlz in the dust.

They are just jealous. That’s one thing I notice about SOME (not ALL) black girls: They are miserable, and want everybody else to be miserable. I don’t know if its their home life or what. They need to get over it.

By Patti Ghezzi

March 8, 2006 11:41 AM | Link to this

I would love to hear from some parents who have perspective on the “acting white” issue. I’m sure there are two sides to this. Clearly some African-Americans want their children to make it a priority to have friends of the same race and to be skeptical of white students and teachers and their motives. Can someone speak to that?

By jim d

March 8, 2006 11:48 AM | Link to this

Patti, Mr. Badie had a blog on this very subject not long ago, you might find what you’re looking for in his archives.

By Atlanta Teacher

March 8, 2006 11:52 AM | Link to this

good topic….unfortunately, i don’t have enough time to respond (about to start class), but i wanted to recommend the Beverly Tatum book, Why are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?” excellent book that may help us understand the issue.

By T-Man

March 8, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

The mother needs to help her daughter through this by making sure she does not give in to the harsh treatment of the other girls. My daughter has gone through this most of her life. My wife and I have always told her that the world is not one color. To label yourself as being for one color only or another would be the devils work. The good book can be a good aid in this situation. We have close friends (come to the house friends) of all races and maybe that made it easier for my daughter. Now it is my 12 year old son who is facing the same stupid racisism. He is able to handle it better by learning from his sister.

By high school teacher

March 8, 2006 11:57 AM | Link to this

I had a former student whose mother forbade him to hang with certain friends because they were white. He actually wrote an essay about being an outsider: he didn’t fit in with his white friends because he was black, and he didn’t fit in with his black family because they told him that he acted white. What a shame!

By Nel

March 8, 2006 12:08 PM | Link to this

I attended school in the UK and got all the same comments only from black girls at school to the point that they tried to get physical. This confrontation happened only once because you could be expelled for that kind of action then. Ultimately, they just left me alone after that. My child’s friends are mostly white at her school. She’s always be “different” and marches to her own drummer…thankfully. I’ve told her to ignore the comments and that they are the ones with the problem. Fortunately, I’ve been through it so I can help her navigate somewhat. I tell her to keep focused on her goals and enjoy associating with people with whom she has things in common. You can’t change who you are to make others feel good. My child listens to everything from classical to hip-hop and enjoys all genres. I want my kids to be fully rounded individuals and not limit themselves for anyone else’s benefit.

If there is a climate of hostility and this child feels threatened, then mother needs to go to the school administration because this will not be a healthy environment for her. There is a lot of self-segregation at school because there and typically only a handful of black kids sitting at a predominently white table.

By Carrie

March 8, 2006 12:28 PM | Link to this

This sounds like any situation with bullies in school. The only advice that I can share is what someone told me in middle school…….Middle School (or school in general) doesn’t last forever! Try to ignore the other girls as much as possible and, also, try to avoid them as much as possible. Girls (of ANY race)can be vicious these days so watch out for signs of REAL danger from them, though.

By That Guy

March 8, 2006 12:29 PM | Link to this

From the black perspective it is a trust issue. Some black people do not trust the white people because of history and ignorance. The past is what parents teach from and parents still believe that a white boy will never have your back when you need them. When things go wrong he will be the first to blame you. The past, the past, the past, can’t say that enough. It is what drives the teaching of some black kids today. There is ingnorance in all colors and in some black communities it is wrong to hang out with whites (they can’t be trusted). From the life of a black exsperience here is one scenario: Mr. Whitie in HR did not give me that job because I’m black ( yes this happens everyday). This will happen to 90% of the black race in today’s world. After this experience the trust will always be broken and that black parent darn sure will tell his black kid’s this. The black kid will then look at the white race as a whole as not to be trusted. It is unfortunate but it is true. The Black/white switch show airing on TV tonight will bring light to this. Unfortunatly a few racist white people can destroy the trust in the white race for alot of black people. Just as one black criminal will destroy the trust of some white people for all the black race. Alot of people cannot see people individually. they must put them in there groupings and then past judgement. We are all individulas and if the mother of the girl in this blog is smart she will teach her daughter to be an individual. Don’t repeat history strive for new tomorrow.

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 12:36 PM | Link to this

I experienced the same treatment in middle and high school, from other blacks. So did my white friends, from the other white kids. I didn’t have this problem in elementary school, because there were only about 3 blacks in my class the entire duration. In high school, dating became the issue and race became a bigger problem. …another story all together.

My 5th grade daughter has experienced the same treatment. She’s in the gifted program, which does not have very many black kids - so they make fun of her for making passing grades. Last night, she questions why she should continue to make passing grades, because one of the students told her and I quote “you don’t have to make good grades to get into college”.

I encourage my daughter to make friends with other blacks and children of other races, because I want her to be a positive influence on the other kids. I have explained the negative treatment and the limitations the other kids have placed on themselves.

My example was about a young man I dated a long time ago, who only ate fried chicken. He never wanted to try anything new and thought I only ate the things that white people ate. I didn’t realize there was food for white people and food for black people. That young man grew to love many different types of food, because of me.

You have to get to know other people, try new things and grow as a person. Sometimes other people can learn from your example.

My suggestion is to encourage your daughter to get to know some of the other black kids and introduce them to her white friends. Not the ones that are harsh, but the friendliest of the group. I would also suggest, not saying anything negative back to them, but maybe something like “how should a black person act”? My daughter has used that one recently and the whole class had a good laugh.

I learned a lot as a child about other races, that has helped me as an adult. It has helped my daughter to laugh off some of the things that the black kids say to her, my family members included.

By polly

March 8, 2006 12:43 PM | Link to this

I can’t believe what I am reading. You make this a black/white thing, but there are mean girls, both races, who make a lot of children’s lives a living hell. Especially the white popular girls, whose mothers probably tell them everyone is jealous. School is not easy. The attitudes that a child has come from the parents.

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 12:50 PM | Link to this

Patti,

Why didn’t we have a conversation about the Buford highschool incident? It was another problem about race. I know Rick Badie held a blog, because it happened in Gwinnett. However, it was a school incident.

Also to the mother of the 5th grader, I believe your daughter is blessed to be in a school with a significant number of black and white children. I attended a school that was about 98% white and it was a very tough situation for a little black girl in the 80’s. White kids can be just as cruel.

My very best friend was not allowed to invite my sister and I to her birthday party, because her grandfather was a racist. No one in our class would play with her, but they were on the guest list because they were white. We still have laughs about that one, her grandfather died a few years later.

By Litmajor

March 8, 2006 12:51 PM | Link to this

All too often, black girls have to deal with this issue and it won’t stop any time soon. My husband and I have been told that our 6yr old daughter acts “white” by some of his own family members! As long as this ignorance continues to exist in the black community, level headed black females who know nothing about “the hood”. If you want to call my children (my older son gets the same heat) “white” because they don’t watch BET or listen to hip hop stations, feel free. I have found that many people like us know more about and have more respect for black history than those who feel that we are trying to make our children white. We do not live in a bubble, our children are very much aware of their race and how some people feel about them. However, I refuse to let them dumb down/change their speak, academics, and preferred hobbies in order to live up to some black standard. In the end, we’ll see which children thrive in honest society.

By Nel

March 8, 2006 12:59 PM | Link to this

Polly, I don’t think anyone is making it a black/white thing, just recounting personal experiences. Also, the topic relates to a black child hence the obvious slant.

By BlindHomer

March 8, 2006 01:04 PM | Link to this

This is a social/cultural issue that has nothing to do with school. The mother can tell her daughter to ignore the racists or she can be confrontational and address the problem with the racists’ parents. Guess which one will work better?

By Nel

March 8, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this

From my own personal experience, this tripe does continue into the work world. I have people I worked with for years who gave me the “look” every time I walked by. It took one of their own clicque to tell them they should talk to me because I was ok! These were grown people in the late 20s - early 30s. One of them is now my best friend who told me she had always admired me but everyone said I was stuck up…go figure. If you don’t run with the pack you tend to make people uncomfortable until they get you to confom to their way. People are way too afraid to step outside their boxes.

By polly

March 8, 2006 01:08 PM | Link to this

I understand that but there is so much more that goes on and it affects all children, whether it is race, iq, social status, clothes they wear, mental or physical handicaps. Children need to be taught to be compassionate, respectful and thoughtful of all they encounter.

By Carrie

March 8, 2006 01:22 PM | Link to this

Polly - that sounds really nice and all, but the fact is that school can be tough. Girls can be cruel to each other and will pick on anyone who is different from their clique. The best advice is to try to avoid them and hope they move on to another target.

By SET

March 8, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this

Will people who are trying to get somewhere stop using that silly “racist” word?

People have the right and always will to use their experience and research about people to make realistic assesments about what to expect in dealing with another person. Sometimes they are surprised and have to reassess their measuring sticks. Nothing wrong with it.

Little black girl who wants more in life had better learn quick that she is not like the other blacks. Usually that is figured out shortly after exposure to orthodox blacks. You can join them if you want or stay the hell away from them. And no regrets either. Welcome to life. It just gets more interesting.

When I was 4 or 5 (in the 1950’s) my parents made it clear that some (black) people are not like us and I can’t play with them or go to their homes. - And I’m black.

My parents lived in a largly black world but my playmates were “Jack and Jill” members who were screened (I think it was invite only) to keep out the undesirables. I’m sure the undesirables might have been a lot of fun. But nobody asked my opinion at the time. We were enrolled in largely all-white schools after Brown vs Board of Education but there were some blacks - the ones who could keep up. Welcome to California in the 1960s - just in time for the Civil Rights Movement.

Guess what everybody! Of you don’t segregate college bound black kids from underclass blacks they will either get beaten up or turned from the path their families pick for them to drugs, promiscuity and prison. Don’t agree with me and say things are different in the east coast. I’ve seen it a hundred times over a lifetime here.

My Siblings and Cousins have young kids. My generation is far more forcefull about controlling the next generation’s exposure to ghetto blacks than our parents were. My Parent’s and their friends had lower class black employees, customers, clients, and as a family we had frequent and pleasant contacts with lower class blacks. Their was a “ward boss” arrangement with the demopcratic party and patronage was run along these lines so everybody knew who to go see.

My generation won’t even maintain these ties. It’s too dangerous now because of the drug culture.

And my generation were the “firsts”. Our parents knew no one in some of the careers we went into. We have fought all our careers and still do to stay on top of the game. Do you think we will let anybody get in the way of our children’s academics? Especially ghetto blacks?

You can call it racist. We call it getting our kids into Stanford (where some of my friends and relatives graduated) and keeping them out of rehab and prison.

We have seen the children of black Drs, Lawyers and Judges and Politicians dead, imprisoned and addicted because they “mixed”. Their parents thought they could loosen up the controls and that’s what happened.

Our kids know their racial heritage and the accomplishments of their ancestors back into slavery years where even the Mormons can’t get the records. They don’t need to prove themselves to black trash or be accepted by black trash. We teach them that in time for kindergarten.

And some of these kids are mixed black/white/asian/jewish/genuine-african or whatever anyway. Don’t even get me started on what my genuine african and vietnamese in laws would have to say on this subject. They are openly contemputous of ghetto blacks.

By Polly

March 8, 2006 01:31 PM | Link to this

I’m not trying to be “nice” I am trying to suggests that parents take the initiative and train their children right. It begins at home, not at school, and teachers don’t need to have to referee for bad habits learned at home.

By SET

March 8, 2006 01:35 PM | Link to this

Sorry about the typos!!

By Susie

March 8, 2006 01:43 PM | Link to this

I just think this is the saddest thing in the whole wide world.

By Patti Ghezzi

March 8, 2006 01:44 PM | Link to this

I’m sorry I neglected to blog on the Buford school matter. I think I felt like the details were too sketchy, and I don’t want Get Schooled to become a place to spread rumors. (Notice I haven’t posted about the Lakeside High principal transfer.) In retrospect, the principal standing up to racism was an unusual story that we don’t hear about much, and I should have posted on it.

I blogged on this topic, with this specific girl’s situation, because it came from a parent who needed advice from people who have been there. It interested me because the girls are so young.

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 01:45 PM | Link to this

SET,

Some of your comments, just prove my theory. It doesn’t matter how much education a person has, you can still have problems. Get help somewhere.

That was personal.

By Nel

March 8, 2006 01:45 PM | Link to this

Yes, it starts in the home, but not all homes are created equal and people tend to teach what they see as their reality. I had my neighbor friend’s parents tell her not to play with us because we didn’t wash that’s why were were the color we were, and I could cite many more instances right up into working adulthood. Bud ignorance will always be there you just have to keep your eyes on your prize. Someone suggested earlier that this child seek out one of the nicer black kids to be her friend. That won’t help her situation because if that other child is in with the clique, they will control her actions/reactions. You don’t want to have the child end up a laughing stock. Life is tough and unfortunately, some kids realize it earlier than others.

By SET

March 8, 2006 01:47 PM | Link to this

As far as who the kids make friends with, it’s usually neighbor families of similar economic and educational status, children of parent’s co-workers of similar education and economic status, relatives and cousins excluding the problem ones, and classmates of similar backgrounds. Of ALL races. Intact families preferred.

Our kids are taught to never depend on race loyalty (although it can come in handy) because they will be competing in all things in life against largely Whites, Asians, Immigrants, and other blacks like themselves. Ghetto blacks are not on the radar except as predators and troublemakers. (As are underclass whites who are rare in coastal urban areas here - too expensive for trailer parks).

By Susie

March 8, 2006 01:53 PM | Link to this

I am going to post a copy/paste job of a message I posted in another blog awhile back…it’s about my son and his friends on the wrestling team, and how they deal (or DON’T deal) with racism: (they LAUGH at it!)

*”I was at a tournament one day, sitting in the gym bleachers with my son and a bunch of the other wrestlers on the team…I was initially appalled to hear them saying things like “you only said that because I’m black,” or from my son, “you only think that about me because I’m white!” Then I realized they were SPOOFING racism! One of them told my son he couldn’t do something (can’t remember what it was now) because he’s not a “home slice.” I laughed till I cried.

Apparently they think it’s so ridiculous that they make fun of racists and racism. It was constant, all day long. One of them would say something (for example)about another team’s black singlets, and one of the guys would say “oh, so you’re saying you have a problem with black???” It was hysterical, I laughed all day long…it made a whole-day event much more fun than it would have been, to see these boys being friends with each other, and laughing at something that apparently can’t touch them and their friendship. One of the black kids told me that my son was his “brother from another mother.” I cracked right up.”*

All day long, they went back and forth about one thing or another, and right in the middle of a conversation, one of them would pretend to “play the race card.” It was the funniest thing, those kids could have been on SNL. But they are friends, and don’t care what anyone else thinks about it, not that anyone is going to get in the face of a wrestler about much of anything. LOL

By c jones

March 8, 2006 01:56 PM | Link to this

EVERYONE has the right to be an individual first. Fortunately, this supersedes race and social-economic status.

By SET

March 8, 2006 01:58 PM | Link to this

This is all sad. This shouldn’t have gone this way. Everyone was supposed to get better and better when I was growing up in the early 60’s. Something went wrong and we started mass producing fatherless feral people. And stopped teaching them engligh.

Why did the USA do this? Who’s to blame? Ted Kennedy? Richard Nixon? Earl Warren? I can’t see that any one individual made this happen. Everyone had so many good intentions!

By Shalonda

March 8, 2006 02:00 PM | Link to this

This no suprise me….the past few weeks I have seen such racist comments from both sides….and realize that these very ones are parents….we cant expect children to be color-blind when the parents are not. Too bad it started so early in years. Thats ignorance on both sides.

By Wise Diva

March 8, 2006 02:07 PM | Link to this

Hi Patti! Greetings from Dating Scene blog!! This topic ALWAYS touches my heart because I know the feeling VERY well. I went to predominantly white schools my entire life and then at college, I was sent to a HBCU. The thing my parents taught me was to be myself, and not place too much importance on what other people considered to be “black”. It is their ignorance that would show, not mine, if they were to think that being HUMAN, and having “unpopular” behavior should be identified by race.

I always like to share my favorite quote in situations like this:

The most revolutionary thing you can tell a young black woman — or anyone — today is to be herself. Not the self that the media, mainstream society, peers or parents demand; not the self that will necessarily get you the most money or acceptance or acclaim, but the kind of self that can walk whole and unrestrained through the world, accepting of others, with kindness and joy — even in the face of pain - Farai Chideya

I hope this young lady strengthens her social interactions with people from all races, and learn to ignore the people who try to box her into a type of behavior that THEY feel should be “black” - that is utter BS!

By SET

March 8, 2006 02:14 PM | Link to this

Amazed:

Your concern is touching but you’re not in my world. I’m just reporting what I see. What is your world? Tell me what it was/is like. Maybe California is just a crazy state and conditions are different elsewhere.

And I’m old enough to be planning my retirement. Forget your concern for me. I sure don’t need it. Look at the people you touch every day. Do whatever you can for them. Prove me wrong.

When I was born here in CA the Black Migration was just getting into swing. In my lifetime we went from very few blacks who all knew each other in the late 1940s to the Rodney King Riots and Arnold for Governor.

My parents and all their family members and a lot of their college and professional school classmates moved here from the east in the 1940s to early 1960s. I think the Army actually brought them here. We were largely the first generation to grow up here. We didn’t ask for this world we just live in it.

Your world is something I’ve heard about but not lived. Relatives have gone to Morehouse and Spellman, I chose UC. Virtually all the extended family decided to settle/stay on the West Coast. None of them live in black neighborhoods or will send their kids to black schools.

Thanks for the good wishes, though.

I doubt my experiences are unusual. There’s a lot on the internet about blacks being attacked in school by low achieving blacks for “acting white”. Read anything by Prof. MacWhorter who I believe was or is a UC Berkeley Professor (“Losing the Race”).

I blog to exchange points of view. Sometimes I realize there is another way of accomplishing change from the posts of others.

Your personal comments are a waste of your time.

By Susie

March 8, 2006 02:19 PM | Link to this

Polly, I think you hit the nail on the head…and I knowwwwwww this is going to sound sexist of me, but girls are just MEANER than boys are. They will find ANYthing to be mean about, and if race is convenient, then fine, they’ll be mean about that too.

I know that race is a big thing, but the fact is, that when you usually hear of this happening, it’s girls doing it to other girls. Boys of all races are likely to be on the same sports teams with each other and have a different kind of camraderie wtih each other. Even girls on sports teams together are competitive and can be mean to each other.

I spent many years babysitting when I was a SAHM and found that girls were bossier and meaner than boys even when they were little. I have two boys and one girl, and she’s a little spitfire when she’s mad or if one of the boys “riles” her, and the boys are much more laid back with each other. I also WAS a girl once…and I remember the stuff that went on at school between girls. I always wished we could be like the boys, even if they punched each other around, an hour later they were slapping each other on the back and going to get a Coke. Even my sister and I fought like DOGS when we were growing up. My boys have never really fought. Any time there’s “drama,” my daughter is involved.

I know it’s not politically correct to say it, but it’s true. Race issues aside, girls are much meaner to each other than boys are.

By Susie

March 8, 2006 02:22 PM | Link to this

Litmajor, next time someone tells you that your 6 year old acts “white,” ask them how a “white” 6 year old acts as opposed to a “black” 6 year old. I’d really like to know!

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 02:24 PM | Link to this

SET,

If my personal comments were a waste, you would have ignored them and moved on.

Thanks for the insight.

I do have a questions that I have been wanting to ask you for a long time. Why do you spend so much time on the AJC? Does CA “not” have enough liberal newspapers. I’m glad you do, because it lets me know that you have GA on your mind. I’m also sure Patti likes the fact that the Education Blog has such a long “Reach”.

Any good blogs in CA you would like to direct my attention?

By SET

March 8, 2006 02:26 PM | Link to this

Shalonda…

The decisions the parents make about what schools the kids go to and who they will be allowed to associate with are first and foremost based on the survival instinct.

They are not evil. They could be incorrect BUT it is their call to make.

We have a lot of funerals of young black here in this state. We all know the local black undertakers. We talk. The mortality tables of blacks 0 to 20 years old are on the internet and they are completely different that death rates and causes for, say, whites. We have all been to funerals of our young people who just didn’t make it.

The black Drs and Lawyers I know are terrified of letting their black teenagers drive off in a car. So they often won’t let them have drivers licenses at 16 like all the white parents we work with. And they are not worried about their kids being harmed by cops, but rather by other blacks (primarily). I argue with them that the kids need to get licensed so they will be given the normal insurance breaks that come with having had a license for so many years. Don’t let them drive if you must.

So it’s not just who plays with who in a schoolyard anymore. My black co-workers are afraid for thier children’s safety in a way that my parents and their generation never were - even at 18. We live with this every day. We make the kids put all the cell phone numbers of all the (black) adults in the parent’s circle in their cellphones for emergencies.

Because we all know that when the phone rings at 2am we will all understand what it is we are all so afraid of and come running. And we can’t make our white co-workers understand this.

It’s not just the cafeteria.

Brave New World.

By lunchamuncha

March 8, 2006 02:27 PM | Link to this

SET, it’s interesting what you stated about middle/upper middle class Blacks not wanting their children hanging around with ghetto Blacks. My community is so-called “diverse.” You are either White and upper middle class or Black and ghetto. There are very few exceptions. We lose middle/upper middle class Blacks in our schools all the time because they do not like their children hanging around with ghetto Blacks. It’s a real problem.

I would never want my children hanging around with questionable White folks either. When we were trying to figure out where to raise our children, we actually turned away from a 99.9% White school district because there seemed to be a huge number of very scary, uneducated White folk.

I just want my kids to hang around with thoughtful, educated, well raised children from positive home environments that do not hate, do drugs or get pregnant at 15. I will screen kids and their families all day long to make sure that happens to the best of my ability. As for the color of their skin I don’t care if they are green and from the planet Pluto.

By SET

March 8, 2006 02:30 PM | Link to this

Amazed:

No, California doesn’t have a paper that will run both sides of a controversy. There is only room for one opinion here.

I watch for your posts because I want to know your opinion on things. You have a reason for your views and I need to understand and use them as a check on mine.

I value opposing viewpoints and want to understand them. I wonder If the life here is similar to others, or just ahead of what is happening elsewhere? Or are we just in an alternative universe?

Don’t ever thing I’m mocking anybody on the blog. This would be worthless without the differences of opinion.

have a great day!

By SET

March 8, 2006 02:35 PM | Link to this

Polly:

The problem children here usually don’t have “parents”. They have Mommy and her boyfriend(s). Sometime they have Grandma.

It’s sad. What can anyone do?

By Carrie

March 8, 2006 02:37 PM | Link to this

SET- While I do find your opinions a little over the top at times I do think they offer a lot of insight and I am glad that you post here even if you do live in CA.

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 02:47 PM | Link to this

lunchamuncha, I agree with your 2:27pm comments 100%. I don’t think SET realizes that deviant people come in all colors, income level and educational backgrounds.

By SET

March 8, 2006 02:48 PM | Link to this

Re: A poster asked me Where’d the CA Whites go..

In CA the whites with lots of kids are moving out of the cities into the foothills and rural areas. The poor whites go first. Also the Migration North to Oregon is so great that U-Haul is having trouble with the one way rentals. Nevada has no income tax and OR has no sales tax so they both act as magnets for the poor and the wealthy.

Demographically there is a fantastic percentage increase of Hispanics which shows up in the public schools first. And in the prisons and labor unions. Slowly the principal cities are electing Hispanic City Councils and Mayors - dispossessing the black politicians who are not happy about it.

As the Hispanics come to power they are usually merciless as to the black underclass. They have no white guilt to exploit.

In my retirement planning I’m considering OR and NV. Many of my co-workers are already buying land in OR or rental houses in NV with an eye to hedging their assets in those markets for retirement potential later.

Everyone is worried about the economic viability of CA. We used to be a manufacturing powerhouse. Not anymore. The best and brightest of this state are setting up shop just over the border beyond the reach of CA taxation.

You won’t recodnize this place politically, economically or demographically in 10 years.

By Polly

March 8, 2006 02:51 PM | Link to this

Set - I don’t know, but mean kids have been around since i was a kid and im 56. I never fit in anywhere and was picked on because i was quite. at 17, i learned on my own that everyone is equal whether they think so or not and from that point on, I never let anyone run over me. I guess it begins with those who care and their kids to set the example in such a way maybe it will catch on. I counteract mean people with kindness, sometimes really feined, but they are caught off guard and don’t know how to react.

By Nel

March 8, 2006 02:52 PM | Link to this

SET, I think today we all saw a different side of you. I have been curious having read you responses daily. I think that many people who care deeply about their children’s well being try to “guide” their selection of associates of whatever stripe. They just don’t want to publicly admit that within their own race they do it. There were so manys stories in NY where kids were sent to prep schools by their parents to get them out of the dangerous areas where they lived, only to have them killed when they came home on break, because they were trying be just one of the guys and not have their friends think they had changed and become “white”. Human nature causes some people to want to pull you down by whatever means necessary if they feel you are moving too far ahead of them or leaving them behind. That is a reality.

By lawrencevillemom

March 8, 2006 02:56 PM | Link to this

My daughter who is in 6th grade was called a racist on the school bus last week. Not even two days later she was called “a n**** lover” for defending a black boy who was being picked on by another black boy. My daughter has friends of many races and ethnicities and she has been raised that it is what is inside a person that determines whether you should be friends/like them. It really upsets her when things like this happen because she doesn’t think that way and just can’t understand why others do. It is a shame in this day and age that this crap is still going on.

By singlemom

March 8, 2006 02:59 PM | Link to this

My daughter for one is of mixed race, her father is black and I am white. She has such a diverse group of friends at school, softball and in our neighborhood, and is very happy. She doesn’t care what the color of a person’s skin is, she knows it only matters what’s on the inside that makes the person. I don’t know why we can’t all get along and enjoy other races/ethniticies (sp) and learn about other cultures.

By BlindHomer

March 8, 2006 03:00 PM | Link to this

SET has always valued honesty and directness more than political correctness, and for that I value SET. Refreshing compared to that “children need to be taught to be compassionate, respectful and thoughtful of all they encounter” drivel posted at 1:08. Well of course they should, but in fact they’re not. Nice for the righteous to try and convert the rabble, but you have to protect yourself and yours first. I think that’s all SET has been saying, and I agree, although the mean little school girls are not necessarily dangerous ghetto vermin, they’re just misguided and mean teenagers.

By tamara

March 8, 2006 03:06 PM | Link to this

My 5th grade daughter who is white has recently experienced her first taste of racism and it came from the mother of all people. Her best friend since daycare is a sweet child who is black. They talk on the phone every evening, sit together (when possible) at school and want to share some time away from school together. Since the beginning of this school year my daughter has asked me every weekend if this little girl can come spend the weekend at the lake. I always gave my OK, but the mother continued excuses so much that she finally told her daughter that she could not come because we were white and she was afraid for her come down and not feel welcome. My child in turn said to me “mommy I thought on white people were racist” and I sat her down and explained to her that all races were in some way or another racist. I don’t think she ever really got it, I just know her feelings were hurt by that childs mother which angers me. I will not waste my time to discuss this with the mother because I feel that she had to stoop to being that low then she was not worth me taking the time to try and convince her otherwise. My daughter is still best friends with her daughter and I hope the friendship continues for the rest of their lives. As for the mother, I hope your reading this.

By polly

March 8, 2006 03:09 PM | Link to this

BlindHomer: Thank you for labeling my opinion as dribble. I hope however that your day is good and fruitful and that you refrain from being so hateful in the future.

By MrLiberty

March 8, 2006 03:15 PM | Link to this

Simple solution - homeschool your child.

I am always amazed that the only objection that gets raised regarding homeschooling is the issue of socialization.

First, given the growing numbers of homeschooled kids in Georgia along with the support networks within the homeschooled community, there is certainly no reason why multi-student activities cannot be a regular part of any homeschooler’s curriculm

Second, just what kind of socialization are your kids REALLY getting at school? Is it the kind that led to Columbine (a wonderful public school I’m sure), or maybe the kind that was going on in Jonesborough, Ark. (you remember those killings don’t you?). Or is it the kind of socialization in which your black child is made to feel bad because they speak clear and understandable english rather than that ebonics crap, or wears clothes that just aren’t “black enough” whatever that means?

Face facts. You are attempting to raise an individual, but individuals are not allowed at government schools. These peer pressure prisons are designed to bring everyone down to the lowest common denominator. The dumming down that isn’t enforced by the teachers and administrators is enforced by the students. This is what passes for socialization at government schools.

A previous writer was absolutely correct when they said that it is the goal of politicians to keep us fighting amongst ourselves (black versus white for sure, but also republican versus democrat, and every other conflicting pair you can think of). They then convince us that we need government to keep the fighting at bay. In reality, they and their institutions are at the heart of the problem.

If you want your child to ever grow up to respect other people, respect your instructions and not the government’s, get along well with others of her race and other races, you better get her out of that horrible learning environment as soon as you can. After all, do you want her to be socialized by a bunch of a**hole little girls or by you, your spouse, your friends, and your family?? That simple. Your choice. Your kid.

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 03:16 PM | Link to this

Tamara,

Did you invite the mother to attend the gathering at the lake? I would not let my daughter go with another black mom, if I didn’t know her extremely well.

If you get to know the mom or at least attempt to have lunch, diner or movie - she might just change her mind.

My daughters best friend is white and I have not let her spend the night, because this child has older bad influential brothers and sisters. She has stayed at my home many times and she visits often, but I would never let my daughter stay at her home.

Also, I like to know who’s visiting the homes of the people she may be visiting. I’m very cautious.

By SET

March 8, 2006 03:19 PM | Link to this

Lunchmuncha:

The Black middle class kids are most often enrolled in Catholic or Church/private schools. They’re not enough to go around and the schools bid for them with scholarships. The more urban public schools are devoid of the children of Black professionals.

Contrast to this - I and nearly all or all of my siblings and cousins went to public high schools. (After Catholic 1-8).

Somehow I feel that my generation are more pragmatic and ruthless than the younger generation. We fought the race wars at least once a week if not every day in high schools. Of course back then it was done with words and us taking the A’s from the white kids. I even remember nasty debate/arguments with some of my classmates parents. One mother stomped out of the room crying (She was a trailer park type trying to pass as upper class - I could spot that a mile away and pushed a few buttons because she started it). In hindsight it was like SouthPark and Kyle’s Mom vs Cartman.

The Irish and Italian families welcomed the black kids with open arms and big dinners. The Jewish families also put on major food displays and had us hanging out at their place constantly throughout adolescence debating geopolitics and economics. The patrician whites found us interesting (amusing?) and were friendly and considered us unthreatening.

It was a very wierd childhood but the food was great and everybody went to college and professional school. Comparing this with the black families we all belonged to was interesting because all the other ethnics took what they wanted and relished fighting all the time. The blacks we were related to (older generation) really preferred we were seen and not heard. Go to school, yes but don’t shake the place up. They were not into networking but all the other ethnics were. We couldn’t do anything our parent’s way because their all black world was destroyed by integration (and they moved us into the all white neighborhoods and schools). I got into professional school with the assistance of cross racial friends of my parent’s generation. The democratic multi ethnic coalition was in full force.

Well we (my black cohort) did shake things up. We went into professions our parents never thought of and maintained lifelong crossracial alliances with our classmates and their families which is how we got into these different industries in the first place.

Then the interracial marriages started and our older generation damn near had heart attacks. They didn’t even like it when the Africans turned up. So we stoped trying to live our lives for them. They were (mentally) still living in St Louis anyway.

But we still kept running into our Jack and Jill friends at every level of education and career. Instant reunion and we always understood each other best.

I saw Madea’s Family Reunion. Never saw any of that here. Way too much disfunction.

Our children are just now learning the history of their grandparent’s generation and how it differed from ours. Their world is different too because some of them have another history on the non-black side (Like which relatives were on the boat that sank)

When they go into the Cafeteria our kids aren’t taking s**t from anybody, black or white or brown.

Brave New World.

By T-Man

March 8, 2006 03:28 PM | Link to this

It’s funny that some think this happens only in the GA world. I was born in California and have seen this behavior in both worlds. This is an international type issue. Looking at any school you can see the asian crowd, the black’s and the white crowd all in there own little groups. There is race mixing but not on a large scale. What is done on the outside is normally done on the inside at home. If a parent doesn’t have friends of a different race, religion, economic status then the kid normaaly won’t either.

Patti- You have blogged a good one here. Don’t worry about the Buford thing it is still sketchy

By Litmajor

March 8, 2006 03:33 PM | Link to this

Hands down, there is no one on earth with more attitude than a female tween/teenager (regardless of color). I think the parent Patti’s speaking of is concerned about the age of these children, 5th graders are what, 10/11?

Susie, I know exactly what they mean when they say my daughter acts “white.” She’s very active in a variety of sports and activities, loves Radio Disney, shopping, and just doing all things girly (she can’t wait to become a debutante:) She likes reading and writing and speaks standard English. SOME, not all blacks, believe these things to be “white.” Because we raise our children a certain way, the labels begin to surface. They’ll survive it, I did.

I don’t let it bother me. My children have a black dentist and pediatrician. Since their schools are mostly white, I make it a point for them to have interactions with positive black people. No, I don’t let them watch certain shows or listen to certain music. I don’t allow them to be around anyone who isn’t doing what I consider the right thing, regardless of their race. That’s my choice as a parent.

SET’s comments may be a little hard to swallow but he makes some valid points.

By BlindHomer

March 8, 2006 03:37 PM | Link to this

Sorry Polly, but almost everyone on this blog thinks everyone should be nice to each other, the discussion is what to do when they’re not nice. Civilized society has a long history of shunning those that don’t conform to societal norms, because, with few exceptions, you can’t change them. And this is a black/white issue because this particular incident is not only about unacceptable behavior but a cultural norm in some segments of black society, based mainly on fear and envy, to ridicule and shun those that aren’t “black enough” to conform to the ghetto black sterotype.

By Warrio

March 8, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

White (trash/ghetto) girls do the same thing. My daughter tells us all the time about being picked on because she reads all the time. She’s called “bookworm” and whatever else they can come up with. I told her to ask them if they want fries with that attitude. Whopper floppers…all of them.

By Nikole

March 8, 2006 03:40 PM | Link to this

In school, I had friends of different races in my class because I was in gifted classes, but once you get into middle school, kids tend to spend social time with those most like them. So I usually hung out with black kids at that time. I think that the girl in this situation should keep her distance from those bothering her and not let them define who she is ethnically.

By V for Vendetta

March 8, 2006 03:43 PM | Link to this

What cracks me up is that a blog about race always is SO long within ten minutes of Patti posting it, whereas a blog about other issues takes a while to develop. Interesting.

Here’s the thing, people don’t always appreciate others who “act” a certain way. White people don’t like “wiggers” and black people don’t like kids who hang around white people and act white (blackers?). There is a difference though. The white kids pretending to be black are trying to fit into a negative aspect of black culture, they are trying to be passed off as “gangstas”, rappers, pimps, whatever. The black kids hanging around white kids are often slammed for getting good grades, being respectful, and joining various positive extracurriculars. See the difference? What puzzles me (and I see this on a day to day basis) is why so many black kids WANT to fail. Why do so many of them think it is COOL to do poorly in school? To understand that, I think they need to look inward at what is respected in their society.

In a perfect world, educated people would be a society of equals. In many cases that is true and skin color is a non-issue. Here in the South though, skin color and race continues to be a hot button topic. There are plenty of racist people left here in Georgia, but on the flip side, Atlanta is one of the most reverse-racist places in the country. We ALL need to work on improving the negative aspects of black culture if we are going to get rid of this negative, or at the very least apathetic, attitude towards education.

By singlemom

March 8, 2006 03:44 PM | Link to this

I think it is absolutely disgusting that some people, white and black, are still teaching their kids racism.
I was raised in Colorado, and we had maybe, maybe 10 black kids in my entire high school. We NEVER had any racial issues that I was aware of. We were all friends, ran in the same circles, etc. When we moved down here to Georgia in the late ‘70’s we got quite the Culture Shock. I was 18 and my brother was 16 and we saw racism from day one here, which we NEVER saw in Colorado. It’s just a shame. We are all humans, and need to learn from each other. I am frightened by people who are prejudiced and only judge a book by its cover. Acceptance People!!!!

By polly

March 8, 2006 03:47 PM | Link to this

So. You mean “girls” are throwing me out. How lovely. Once again, cliques win. Only the established bloggers can talk.

By Tiffany

March 8, 2006 03:52 PM | Link to this

This is a perfect example of how the young black students are taught at home that races should be segregated. The white students don’t see color the way blacks do. White families don’t sit at home and flood their children’s minds with white/black nonsense, but this is absolutely a perfect example that blacks are obsessed with it. The little girl should sit with her “white” friends, and it will no doubt educate the black girl students that are being taught segregation. This is truly America, this is really how racism is, blacks are teaching ignorance and segregation to our young black children. This is the real racism in America, blacks continuing to segregate and drawing the racism line, every day, even in the young innocent minds. Segregation is taught, white families don’t bring this garbage up at home and don’t teach children this silliness.

By Elaine

March 8, 2006 03:54 PM | Link to this

“It’s a shame that my daughter can’t be friends with the kids that she wants to play with because of things that happened generations before she was born.” Sorry, but less 40 years ago, there were “black” waiting rooms at bus stops. White only lunch counters. I think there were many other things that I just didnt notice that were happening that I dont remember. I was just a young ten yr old white girl wrapped up in her own life, as most young kids are. But, if I were a young black kid back then, I am sure my memories would be quite different. And these are the parents of today’s kids. It is much easier for me to raise my child to be color blind, I think?, since I dont have to forget the way I was treated because of the color of my skin.

I also challenge you all to attend a luncheon or party with your co-workers, you will see that our children learn from us. I have seen the same grouping by adults. I have had to choose to sit with one or the other and hoping not to offend a friend, since I have friends in both groups.

We adults need to stand in front of a mirror and take a good hard, honest look at ourselves. And then, maybe, we can teach our children.

By T

March 8, 2006 04:00 PM | Link to this

All I have to say is that I am not surprised by this. The Atlanta metro area is on of the most segregated places in the SE. I am from Texas (yes, Texas) and I have never seen communities, work environments as polarized as they are here. Some of you are angry about the issue but I ask you…who do you hang out with at work?

By Lee

March 8, 2006 04:02 PM | Link to this

Singlemom, maybe the reason you never had any racial issues in Colorado was BECAUSE you only had 10 blacks in your school. You probably associated with kids that you had the most in common with (ie, band, sports, clubs, etc.). The number number of minorities were so low, the most common form of association, association by race, was not a factor.

My child’s private school is about 95% white. Race is not an issue there, either. Of course, the minority kids there might have a differenct perspective….

By Amazed (Independent Woman)

March 8, 2006 04:06 PM | Link to this

Tiffany,

Read your post again, because my daughter has heard racist comments from the white kids in her class/school. You have just mistated what “White” people don’t do and it is a LIE. Yes, some white people do spill that hatred onto their kids.

It’s not just coming from the blacks. I will not allow you to tell that LIE.

You can say, “YOU” don’t - but don’t speak for the entire white population. You can’t speak for the group.

My whole point today, is trying to get people to open their eyes, ears and hearts to what is happening around you.

By Sarah

March 8, 2006 04:19 PM | Link to this

We were all kids at one time, some like me,longer ago than some of you perhaps. This may not really be about race, just plain old fashioned meaness in kids, being cruel as we all know they can be and race is something they can easliy identify and zero in on that. Hopefully the young girl will naturally stay friends with her friends, no matter the skin color. I hope she not feel forced to be friends with anyone thats cruel to her, just so she’ll not get harrassed by them.

By Lee

March 8, 2006 04:23 PM | Link to this

The reason race continues to be an issue is that, well, too many people want it to be an issue.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. We are humans and it is human nature to try to associate with those who exhibit traits that we are most comfortable with.

By Carrie

March 8, 2006 04:25 PM | Link to this

I agree with Sarah’s post. However, girls are meaner today then I they have been in the past. They can be both mentally and physically abusive and it is really hard to deal with it when you are the one they target. I really don’t think this is as much of a race issue as it is just girls who are bullies.

By Nel

March 8, 2006 04:31 PM | Link to this

The herd mentality is alive and growing. Typically, in situations where you are the obvious minority, you tend to blend in as much as possible, whether you realize it or not. I’ve always been the only or one of the very few blacks wherever I’ve worked, and I have not problem with that because that’s what I’ve grown used to. From my experience, most whites assume you deserve to be there, and many blacks tend to give you a lot of room. But, that’s just my experience. It truly comes down to who/what you relate to in common, and something as simple as supporting the same team can change the dynamics.

By jim d

March 8, 2006 04:32 PM | Link to this

Dang shame we can’t get as riled up over educational issues as we do racial and social issues. Education would get fixed pretty quick.

By MMM

March 8, 2006 04:38 PM | Link to this

“you must be the change you wish to see in the World” -Gandi

By Nel

March 8, 2006 04:39 PM | Link to this

But Jim, riled up is one thing, actually taking the bull by the horns and making it sumbit to you will is quite another.

By Nikole

March 8, 2006 04:39 PM | Link to this

Tiffany- this is NOT a perfect example of how blacks raise their children. I don’t know of any black parents that do this, including my own mother, but should she be blamed for the mistrust I now have developed in whites in the past 4 years of my life? It is also naive to suggest that white families don’t mention race in their households either. I also do not believe that racial harmony will come if we all “ignore” race, it will only make races not of the dominant culture feel ignored. There is no solution to race relations. All we can do is teach our kids to respect the differences we see in each other, race, class, gender etc.

By tamara

March 8, 2006 04:41 PM | Link to this

Amazed, Yes I did invite her mother down as well. In fact I invited her on several occasions but given excuses each time. The real reason she had never even crossed my mind. Also, she has never invited my daughter to her home either. I think she is just a very narrow minded mother. For your reasons of not letting your daughter stay I can very much understand but that’s not the case in our situation. Her reasons are not justified in my opinion.

By Nikole

March 8, 2006 04:43 PM | Link to this

Maybe the mom should ask for some mediation from the school involving the bullies’ parents. It is quite possible that some of the parents may not find that kind of behavior acceptable and discipline their children for it. Some will disagree, but there is always the possibility. I spoke to a parent about her son writing pimp on his bookbag, and before talking to her had made up in my head that surely she knew about it and did not care. She came to the classroom and I mentioned it and she asked to see it. She was in school at night and had her sons lay out work to look over and papers to sign, but the bookbags were always on the floor near the front door. She was very upset about it and took care of it.

By Nikole

March 8, 2006 04:46 PM | Link to this

Nel-that sports thing is so true My best friend says that whites and blacks are the best of friends on the marta train to falcon games. I thought that was so funny. People are laughing and joking and getting to know each other. She talked about how an interaction with a white male and a black woman and her son seemed so natural in this setting, but may have been hard to find anywhere else. How interesting.

By jim d

March 8, 2006 04:59 PM | Link to this

You just nailed it Nel, When we start appreciating our likeness and stop looking for the difference we will eliminate most racial barriers.

By Love is not black and white

March 8, 2006 05:04 PM | Link to this

Blacks, whites…whatever…I love you all. I thank God for you and some of my best friends are of all races. Lets look past color once and for all and start to judge people individually okay?? Everybody isn’t a crazy Brian Nichols…and everybody isn’t a Charles Manson! Come on people stop grouping an entire race of people on according to what an indvidual does!! It isn’t right and you know it!!

By Nel

March 8, 2006 05:07 PM | Link to this

Nikole, I’ve seen it at work with one white person trying to remember some and old tv theme song, and a black co-worker started singing it. They are the craziest pair and fast buddies who just absolutely rag on once another all the time. Bridges can be built if people just stop a second before the throw up that wall. I try to be an optimist. I’ve experienced obvious racial discrimmination, and as a person of West Indian background, I’ve had black Americans say stupid, nasty things about West Indians in my presence. Stupidity and ignorance knows no color or race and you don’t blame everyone for the actions of a few.

By Over It

March 8, 2006 05:07 PM | Link to this

I’m just really tired of the entire racism thing…sometimes I think people keep the fans flamed because they actually enjoy arguing about it. With my 7 yr old son, we have never labeled or called out what race a person was and simply let him make his own judgement. He refers to other kids as light and dark. He will make statements such as “I want to learn to dance like dark boys”. It’s hilarious and precious at the same time. In 100 years, none of this black/white crap will matter because our kids today are interracial dating, marrying and having biracial kids and eventually America’s population will all be tan.

By Over It

March 8, 2006 05:08 PM | Link to this

I’m just really tired of the entire racism thing…sometimes I think people keep the fans flamed because they actually enjoy arguing about it. With my 7 yr old son, we have never labeled or called out what race a person was and simply let him make his own judgement. He refers to other kids as light and dark. He will make statements such as “I want to learn to dance like dark boys”. It’s hilarious and precious at the same time. In 100 years, none of this black/white crap will matter because our kids today are interracial dating, marrying and having biracial kids and eventually America’s population will all be tan.

By SET

March 8, 2006 05:40 PM | Link to this

This is moving off the cafeteria thing a little bit, but:

Race is important.

The different Races think and act differently for physiological reasons. They have different values and the food (cooking) is different.

Blacks mature faster reaching puberty as young as 10. Asians reach puberty a late is 15 on the average. Whites and Hispanics are somewhere in between. The Puberty thing alone is enough to make for major chaos in a class when one group is pubescent and another is pre-pubescent. It is possible that the early maturation is related to the early deaths one way or another. Blacks certainly get shot, stabbed, drowned, etc and a remarkably higher rate than Asians and whites between 10 and 25. Check out the different mortality tables. Testesterone is a hell of a drug.

If recognizing the nose at the end of your face is racist so be it. Anyone who has lived in an integrated world or done any of the reading, say Jensen, Rushton, et al can discuss the difference in performance between large groups of Asians, Blacks Hispanics and Whites. From Nobel prises in lab science to NBA stars to state and national reading scores each group profiles differently. And then there are Jews who at 2 and a half percent of the population represent what percent of the PhDs, millionaires, financiers, etc. And look at the prisons, black males are maybe 7 and a half percent of the population and are what percent of the mental patients, retards and prison inmates?

So Please, when people whine “racist” they are just scared because somebody is calling a spade a spade or a shovel a shovel. Words are not the problem. Reality is the problem.

You don’t treat all persons the same if you want to stay alive on the street. You do what is reasonable.

It is reasonable to expect a Tyrone to behave like all the other Tyrones until you have some additional data to use another assumption. Goes double for Shinequa.

I don’t teach kids to respect people who lie, cheat and steal, use substances, are violent and avoid education. I teach kids to protect themselves from these personalities. And a negligent lie is the same as a deliberate lie. The person has deceived you. “Nice” people who like you can kill you dead. Or their hangers on can. Then they will cry when you’re dead. But you’re still dead.

But it seems that the clever little children are seeing enough on the streets to get the idea on their own. They are given lies and propaganda by politically correct schools. I encourage them to test the data they are given at school, to do their own reading and research, and to come to the conclusion that works for them. I can tell them my experience. I tell them that the best teacher is Pain. And I tell them to not to project their values on others but to study the values the others uphold before deciding they are fit to associate with. In other words, never expect anything without opening your eyes and checking them off against a credit score or some other objective measure of character (such as family structure, education and accomplishment, deportment etc).

Am I turning into my own parents as I get older? I always thought they were crazy.

Then I tell the kids that if they wind up in jail they will not be bailed and they’d better hope for an OR.

I don’t like or dislike any particular race especially if dinner is involved. But there are group differences. And right now, thanks to 45 years of government meddling with evolution, the black averages in this country are not good. The whites are drowning in self loathing and poisonous alturism. I have developed a taste for Japanese and Chinese restaurants and the people there seem real nice and hardworking.

I look at the rise of Hispanic numbers in CA with growing alarm because they make no pretense of respecting United States customs and history, even recent precedents. Upon assumning power they will do as they have seen everyone else in the last generation do. Exactly as they please without any regard to the restraints of the US Constitution. It’s all they know.

The people who whine about other people being racists in my experience are people with bad credit scores who want someone else to give them something they haven’t earned.

I do admit that most people and most blacks especially want to be with their own kind. Good for them. I have various friends and relatives of many races and no one tells me who to associate with. (although the parents were dead set against interracial marriage - we were supposed to use Jack and Jill as a marriage ground not our integrated schools!)

Another poster opined that I am not right… Funny, a black co-worker of mine mentioned that she was driving in her MB with her teenaged daughter who was furious because Mommy had checked the girl’s cellphone bill against the calendar and had confiscated the phone because her daughter was talking and texting at 1am on school nights. The daughter told Mommy she was getting crazy/paranoid and should seek professional help. My co-worker explained to her daughter that since she was able to keep driving and not slap the girl down, she was in perfect control for the time being. The cell phone was not returned.

Our parents would have come across the car into our faces if we’d talked back to them.

Crazy is a relative term. We live in interesting times. Compared to my parents and my older cousins I’m downright placid. I am a half generation younger than them and the 1st to be born in CA. The older members in my generation were born before the black migration to CA - in St Louis, etc. They make me look like Santa Claus. But they are 10 years older. They were the 1st blacks to do many things all their lives and they are more angry with the black underclass than I am. I blame the government. They blame the bad actors.

Night All!

By Denise

March 9, 2006 08:19 AM | Link to this

My daughter had the same problem in high school. She took all AP classes and got great grades. Her black friends told her she was an oreo or acting white. Her white friends accepted her for who she was.So I told her just because you want to be someone, speak correct English and get good grades, that makes you white. I have always taught her to be bold, strong and smart. But in the long run, she will have the last laugh. My daughter will be graduating soon. She has a double major and has done it in 3 years. Her friends that teased her and called her names, well one works fast food, one went to college but dropped out, and the other two have 2 kids and a baby’s daddy. Teacher your daughter to have confidence in herself and to pick her friends wisely.

By Cynthia

March 9, 2006 08:46 AM | Link to this

I am a multiracial person and didn’t realize how “different” I was until I started school and all the kids (black, white, native american, eastern indian, latino, asian etc.) pointed it out to me. As I grew up I didn’t fit in and wasn’t excepted in any “groups” however I made friends who liked me for who I was. These friends were male, female, black, white, gay, straight, athletes, cheerleaders, etc. As long as your child does well in school and behaves skin color doesn’t matter. True friends care about what is on the inside not on the outside.

By adriane quaintance

March 9, 2006 08:55 AM | Link to this

i attended an all white school back from 1980-1981 in collingswood, nj. there were a total of about 400 students in the entire school-only 8 of which were black. i was the only black in all my classes-therefore i had to have white friends on no friends. i really hated the school-because back home in jacksonville-i attended a 60% white-40% black school & had black & white friends & that’s what i have always been used to. i think the little girl should have black & white friends-black peopled & white people need to know they are not the only races of people in the world.

By Big Mike

March 9, 2006 08:59 AM | Link to this

Sorry to hear about your problem. But this is what society has made of our children. Thinking there is a way to “acting black” or “acting white” and making us choose. What you should do is tell your daughter to keep on pushing. Tell her that all the things she likes is what makes her, her. And that not everybody is going to like what she likes. But most importantly just stay strong and positive. because when you think negative, you get negative answers.

By Shocked by Ignorance

March 9, 2006 09:06 AM | Link to this

To SET-

You’re still living in the past. Things have changed drastically since the 60’s. We couldn’t even have the forum that you are writing on right now in the 60’s. Instead of worrying about why things haven’t changed why don’t you become a part of the solution? Have you thought about mentoring a young black person? All black people are NOT waiting by the phone for a call saying that one more of our race has been shot or is a baby’s daddy. Your comments are so stereotypical that you probably can’t even see that you are still stuck in the past. African Americans have come a long way since the 60’s, but the challenge is in receiving acceptance by all and giving acceptance for all.

I believe that the Mom in this case should encourage her daughter to hang out with girls with like interests no matter what color, creed, or religion. Friends shouldn’t be determined by any of these things.

By amadamaranda

March 9, 2006 09:14 AM | Link to this

Set makes a valid point. People general want to be with their own for various reasons. You can’t change it.

I live in a small town. Most of the Blacks that went to school lived there most of their lives and grew up with my son. But they lived in a neighborhood of their own, by choice, living near relatives. I feel welcome to go to their houses any time. Last time I visited a certain family, I was told I was always welcome because I was family.

By Elaine

March 9, 2006 09:17 AM | Link to this

“They have different values and the food (cooking) is different.” This is so funny……..

I believe we ALL value love, happiness, health and our families above all else. Food is cooked with heat, period. Now, different likes in food, maybe, but I think you eat what you are familiar with (like momma used to make).

I have sent food to my son-in-law for his lunch at work. Upon sharing it with co-workers, one asked where he got it. When he told them that his mother-in-law made it, they couldnt believe it. They said that there was no way a white woman made it. My response was to tell them it was a white, yankee woman to boot!

By Ankh

March 9, 2006 09:26 AM | Link to this

What amazes me is how everyone has a short memory. Granted slavery is of the past, but the original goal of it has manifested. White America/Corporations moves up in the world, Black America dropped below the poverty line. There was a elaborate plan to hold down the black race and if this were not true, we would not be having this conversation/blogs (Also research Willie Lynch, a slave owner who taught how to breakdown the “slave” and have them war with each other and have love and adoration to his owner for hundreds to thousands of years.)

The reason I say an elaborate plan, is because it is worldwide. Go to any country and see who is at the bottom of economics. Also look into how each country who has warred with another country or race of people and how they treated them after the fact. Ex: Germany, we all know what they did to the Jewish people (they remind us every year AND it’s been over for half a century). Germany gave them over 7 billion dollars for reparations. When the US blew up Hiroshima and Negasaki, we gave them $4billion. But the longest “Holocaust” with the most murdered, with the most long lasting scarrs, and even our God, culture, languages, way of life all were stripped from us and we were promised 40 acres and a mule, but received nothing. All of the great minds and leaders of countries understand that economics is a way of rebuilding people/nations up and it was purposely not done for blacks.

And I’m bringing all of this up is to show that there are deep rooted scarrs that run through black people, as well as whites. Blacks feel we are owed something, whites feel that was the past and we didn’t do it to you. So you have and will have a lot of animosity between the races. Blacks know we were lied to, that crack was sent to our neighborhoods, that AIDS was sent out for us (ie. remember Tuskegee), guns were easily accessible, etc, etc.

So in my opinion we will never get along with each other only in small settings, unless the big corporations who have made millions off of slavery pay up (not to individuals but to neighborhoods) and blacks get over our self hate.

Peace

By Vegas

March 9, 2006 09:33 AM | Link to this

Its an unfortunate situation only because it happens everyday and often times parents are apart of the problem. Through observational learning, children pick up on subtle hints about racism through the actions of their parents. I believe that if a child isn’t exposed to other races or cultures when they are young, they will be very stubborn about learning new things when they are young. Especially if their first teacher (schoolmate) comes is from a racist family. Its a very painful thing when that situation happens and you are very young without understanding of this issue.

My advice is to tell your daughter that the she has her own mind and she can make friends with whomever she pleases. Also let her know that if anyone tries to harm her, forget arguing, let someone of authourity without sinking in their ocean of ignorance.

By Elisa

March 9, 2006 09:34 AM | Link to this

I am currently in high school. While the girl now identifies better with one grouop, this may change. It would be best for her to attempt diversity with the people she associates with and not limit herself to any one group. Race becomes less relevant as we get older, but never irrelevent. She will be faced with hardships in her life that white people, however sympathetic they may be, can not truly understand. It will be important at hese times to have friends with that in common if nothing else.

By Susie

March 9, 2006 09:35 AM | Link to this

Litmajor, I agree with you raising your daughter as you see fit and not caving to pressure from others, (not sure if you get that, but I think some parents do!) It’s good that you give her strong black role models and monitor the kind of music she listens to. Heck, any good parent monitors what their kids watch and listen to, so you are just doing what you are supposed to do as a parent, IMO.

The hardest thing in the whole wide world to teach our kids is not to worry about what other people say or think…because at their age, what other people say or think is ALL that matters! I just wish we could show them what we know now, as parents, but we can’t…they’ll never see it until they are our age, trying to teach THEIR kids what we are trying to teach them now!

By Jessalyn Anglin

March 9, 2006 09:37 AM | Link to this

I think this girl should go back to her black friends and remind them that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, had a dream that “the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood“ and that “little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.” She should inform her friends that she chooses friends not on “the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Just because she chooses to partake in Dr. King’s dream does not mean that the other girls should try to squash it. She should ask her friends why they choose to set race relations back by practicing voluntary segregation when so many people have fought for integration.

As parents, it is our responsibility to set a positive example for our children. We should ask ourselves how many friends of different races do our children see us interacting with on a daily basis? It is one thing to be cordial to a co-worker of a different race while you are at work. It is another thing to invite them into your home for dinner. When you have a party, do you only invite people of your race? What are we doing as parents to encourage our children to have a diverse set of friends? How often do our children see us with people of the opposite race? It all starts at home. If we want to change things for our children, we need to stop practicing self segregation.

By Calandra Almond

March 9, 2006 09:43 AM | Link to this

I am a 31 year old African American woman who associates with both whites and blacks. I definitely agree that black children should be able to associate with anyone they choose, regardless of race. However, some of the comments regarding blacks posted on this board are very disturbing to me. Not everything about black culture is bad, and not all black people are rude, illiterate, ghetto, etc., but you’d never know it from the comments some have made on this board. I feel that if I choose to hang out with blacks instead of whites, I will be down upon.

Maybe the reason the black girl is getting teased is because the other black children are picking up on certain attiutdes she may have against her own race. I certainly have encountered some black people who are much harsher on their own people than most whites. Not all black children who hang out with whites are picked on, so maybe some self-examination is necessary before condemning a whole group of girls none of us even know.

By Susie

March 9, 2006 09:52 AM | Link to this

Elaine, 40 years ago, the parents of todays kids were just being BORN. They didn’t grow up with separate waiting rooms or anything else. I will be 39 soon and don’t remember ever seeing such a thing. There might have been some of it in existence since I was born (in 1967) but they were gone by the time I was 3 or 4, which is when I have my earliest memories. Definitely by the time I started school. It’s not something that my generation grew up with. It’s something my parents generation grew up with, but not people who were born 40 years ago.

And besides, even if it was 40 years ago, what does that have to do with why two kids, black and white, can’t be friends NOW? I don’t care if it happened 20 years ago, OUR kids had nothing to do with it, and the sooner they learn to make friends, the sooner all the horrible stuff in the past can be put there, in the past where it belongs.

I think there are some people who just don’t WANT it in the past. They are the ones raising their kids to ridicule anyone who doesn’t “act black.”

By gal

March 9, 2006 09:53 AM | Link to this

I have really learned a lot reading these comments! I’m so glad that we have a forum for this topic, so we can understand and learn from each other. I’m white, and I have a few questions - What is “Jack and Jill”? I don’t know what the words “honky” and “cracker” mean. I know that blacks use the words against whites, but what is their origin?

Thanks!

By KJ

March 9, 2006 09:55 AM | Link to this

In my experience, those who accuse other blacks of “acting white” are not exactly the ones that you would want your kids hanging around anyway. Growing up, they were the ones who, at the very least, had family members in gangs or who got messed up in criminal stuff.

By motherof1

March 9, 2006 09:59 AM | Link to this

Children are a products of their environment. They are more comfortable around people, who look like their family members, cousins etc. I teach my daughter to treat people the same, like people. She goes to school in Fayette Co. and tells me that the white kids do tend to migrate together. I told her to pick her friends, based on the sincerity of the person, not the color of the skin. There is no solution for this, because no one can get inside of anyone’s head or home, and make them teach their children right from wrong. Most parents don’t know right from wrong themselves. Until we start to really nurture our children and let them know that you are no better than anyone else, because your skin may be lighter or your hair may be long and straight and to look at the beauty in yourself, our children will continue to suffer. Parents do us all a favor, and teach your children to mind their own business, and stop letting these damn kids raise you!

I have a a group of retirees as neighbors, they are all white and my daughter and I are black. They cut my grass, they look after my child when she is home sick, and they look after the house when I’m away. I couldn’t ask for a better group of people for my daughter to grow up around, no matter what color. They treat us the way they do, not based on the color of our skin, but the way we treat them and there is a mutual respect we share for each other.

By Susie

March 9, 2006 10:00 AM | Link to this

Dang, Over It, I wish this “tan” race had come about a generation or so ago, I wouldn’t be spending all this money having to buy myself a tan! ;)

By Lord have mercy!

March 9, 2006 10:07 AM | Link to this

Some of the comments on this board, are exactly the reason children act the way they act. If “GROWN-UPS” can’t get it together, then why should they. LORD HAVE MERCY ON ALL OF US….BLACK, WHITE, PINK, PURPLE…WITH OR WITHOUT MONEY. We will all die and be judged by the one who really counts.

By Eon

March 9, 2006 10:25 AM | Link to this

I had the same issue when I was growing up, and it even bothered up until my freshman year of college. I’m black, and a lot of my friends have been white. I’ve always been a person who is friends with whomever is around, and the circumstances of my life have dictated that I be around a lot of white people. But I also have a lot of black friends too. Well Freshman year, at GT, I was in the freshman experience program, and all of the guys I lived with were white. We would usually go to the dining hall together and eat. Well a lot of my black “friends” would be eating at a seperate table, and could not believe that I had the audacity to shun them for my white friends. The situation became so unpleasant for me, that I stopped going to the dining room all together. Finally one day I realized that the people making me uncomfortable weren’t really friends. Don’t let your kids fall into that trap of having to choose sides. Anyone that tries to get you to chose sides, black or white, is not a true friend. And I do agree with the notion that this is a much bigger issue with black people than it is with white people

By Nel

March 9, 2006 10:37 AM | Link to this

Ankh, what excuse do you use for those countries that are governed by blacks that are totally corrupt and keep the majority of their own black populace in abject poverty? Or is is the white man’s fault? Then again, those downtrodden blacks (and other races) come to this and other “first world” countries governed by whites and excel in school and in their personal lives. Why does that happen? Stop blaming the white man for the fact that many black people, just refuse to “get it”.

By time for the truth

March 9, 2006 10:39 AM | Link to this

I am always “acting white”, nothing much I can do about it. BIG GRIN! The existence of that moronic, bigoted designation is regrettable and very corrosive. The irony of it is that “acting white” is actually a very positive thing, working hard academically, learning to read and write andspeak properly etc.

Doubtless if a sardonic “acting black” was mirrored back at those academic losers who finger point at young black kids just trying to get on like ALL normal kids should in school there would be screeching from the usual professional race baiters.

White racism/bigotry against blacks is thankfully very much at the fringes of acceptable behaviour these days, hopefully the kind of racism/bigotry that allows way too many blacks to be comfortable with sneering about “acting white” will sooner rather than later be similarly marginalised.

By Ashley

March 9, 2006 10:44 AM | Link to this

This is a common trend of girls (kids) of that age. I had the same problem a little over 15 years ago. I used to hang out with the white girls at my school and the black girls would get mad. Yet, the black girls that teased me were not the ones attempting to befriend me. It bothered me, but I dealt with it. By having friends of a different cultural/ethnic background, it made me understand and appreciate the differences in people. It also let me know that you choose your friends by who accepts you, not who you aspire to be.

By AlpharettaMom

March 9, 2006 10:49 AM | Link to this

Hi I have also had the same experiences growing up in a school where the majority was white. However, being taught at home to except people for who they were not the color of their skin I had several friends of all different races. Yet in elementary school I had more white friends than black and never saw a difference until I was in Jr High. My friends and I slept over at each others houses and our parents were friends. But in Jr High was when the problem of race became an issue where the black children would torment me for who I hung with but I stood my ground for having a family that shows you how to treat others helped me to understand my decision on whom I picked as friends. Now having children of my own I have noticed a very different change as they get older my daughter who is 12 has a varience of friends from all backgrounds while my son age 10 has a majority of white friends. I am constanlty teaching my children how to treat others not for what color they are but for who they are as a person to look beyind the skin color and thankfully they are turning out well.

By A fellow mom

March 9, 2006 10:51 AM | Link to this

Anyone who doesn’t think that race is an issue in this country should read these comments. Goodness! Mom, I was your daughter 30 years ago. This is a great lesson in thinking for oneself. We choose our friends for reasons other than skin color. Your daughter will be much better able to interact with all kinds of people throughout her life. Her having true friends across racial boundaries can only make for better understanding between people of different races. As you can see by many of these posts, that’s something that’s sorely needed. It’s hard. I was called an OREO many times, but I didn’t care enough about the people calling me names to feel bad. Your daughter will be a much stronger person if she doesn’t allow herself to be swayed by the opinions of others. Good luck.

By Concerned Mother in Gwinnett

March 9, 2006 10:59 AM | Link to this

I would like to speak upon the experience I have had through my 6 yr old daughter. My daughter is bi-racial (blk/wht). She started receiving racial remarks as early as Pre-K and still occasionally gets similiar remarks today.

The first remark was when a black boy in her pre-k class called her the N* word. I nearly fell off the couch when she told me what he said and asked what it meant. I never use that word, nor do I tolerate anyone else using that word around her, even when her own father and his family use it. Then in the very same class a black girl told her she was ugly because she was “light-skinned”. That summer at camp, while dropping my daughter off, I heard 2 young black girls making fun of my daughter and laughing, saying “look at her, she has a white mama”. A year later my daughter was pushed into a fence at another after-school/daycare a 12 yr old black girl for standing up for her white mother (me) because the girl told her that she was adopted, saying that her real mother should have brown curly hair and brown skin. For a whole month I had severe behavioral problems from my daughter because she thought I was not her mother. She finally broke down in the middle of Walmart one day while shopping and asked me if she was adopted and what did it mean.(she was just 6 years old at the time)

Now my daughter, now nearly 8 years old, now goes to a primarily hispanic w/ white student ratio school and she doesn’t receive teasing anymore…..imagine that???

What’s strange to me is that when I was pregnant for my daughter, I constantly thought about all the racism I and my child would get from white people, but it’s black people (NOT ALL), but a good majority that give us “ill treatment” for no substantiated reason.

The south really needs to get out of this out of date and ignorant state of mind. It’s 2006, not 1956! Because it is our children that holds our tomorrows. If all our kids care about is the color of another’s skin to determine their surroundings, lifestyle and friends…..what kind of future will they have?

By stayinvolved

March 9, 2006 11:09 AM | Link to this

My son is biracial and attends a private school that teaches morals and values. We don’t have to tolerate these disruptions to his learning and character development. The black kids in our neighborhood that attend the local elementary school are constantly dropping the N word when out playing. Obviously their parents think it is totally acceptable for them to speak this way and I guess those that don’t are the ones that are aaccused of acting “white”.

I have found that if kids are involved in athletics they see one another as teammates and tend to look beyond color. Their relationships often extended beyond the playing field and become a strong support system.

By Nel

March 9, 2006 11:10 AM | Link to this

AlpharettaMom: Again it all comes down to your “home training” and things you have in common. When you teach your children to respect others by living your life that way, they grow up understanding the meaning of that word. When I join my child for lunch at the middle school, I’ve noticed that the segregation mostly happens with the girls. There is always a very, very small handful of black girls sprinkled around sitting with friends not of their own race. It saddens me though to see the looks the get from some of their own as they walk by, because I’ve seen those looks for decades. On the other hand, the boys for the most part hang with whomever and moved from table to table. It is unfortunate that at the pre-teen stage so many girls moreso than boys become so meanspirited. We have come so far, yet we have miles to go on the understanding and respect level.

By stayinvolved

March 9, 2006 11:23 AM | Link to this

Concerned Mother in Gwinnett, let’s tell it as it is, if your experiences are anything like mine, the ONLY folks that my husband and I have trouble with are black women.

Apparently, my husband once belonged to them and I stole him. It is amazing the number of black women in Atlanta (we don’t have trouble outside of the south) that think that because they share the same race as my husband they are allowed judge our family. These are the same attitudes that carry over to their children.

By SET

March 9, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this

I’m studying the comments here and wondering what state the writers live in.

Maybe things are different in the east coast. Maybe you still have a black middle class significant enough to restrain the rabidly “hate whitey” loser lower class. We lost our middle class - or they moved to private schools.

Our economy here in CA, and I’ve lived here 50 years, has changed so we have haves and have-nots. Our housing prices have doubled in 6 years. Our manufacturing has been destroyed in what seems to me only 10 years. Our underclass reproduces every 15 years. We are being occupied by Mexico with the blessing of the federal government. There are no career jobs for ordinary black young people. (Even IHOP and most food service chains are largely all Hispanic now.) And our public schools groom our black students for prison and welfare. Affirmative Action has been outlawed (good).

Into this you simply can’t send a black child to an urban high school for college prep. They will be beaten or worse. The black culture of these schools are dominated by the underclass and they won’t tolerate any black that is noticed to clash with their values. You will be beaten for wearing the wrong color also. That’s just they way it is. Do you think the school administrations intend to fight this and protect anyone? They don’t want to fight anyone. They don’t think the kids are worth fighting with or for.

It wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t intended to happen. This is what white liberals have done. Give me a WW 2 white “racist” any day of the week to run a school and produce kids of all colors who can take care of themselves. But they are all gone now.

Maybe things are different back east. I still hope that if the public schools toughen up, more young people can weather this Brave New World.

And we haven’t even started on the Black STD and bastardy rates. Another reason to control who your middle/professional black children talk to.

By time for the truth

March 9, 2006 11:27 AM | Link to this

Its very revealing that a good number of the posts on here reflect quite overt black racism, often posted by folks who are black or in a multi-racial partnership. Given America’s undeniable (shameful) past you’d think generally speaking that blacks would actually strive much harder than other folks to get beyond this. Yet clearly many dont. Clearly this is pretty widespread as there’s just a tiny handful of folks posting on here and surely their experience is hardly a one off!! The term “ghetto blacks” used above clearly reflects where the problems are.

“Acting white” is black bigotry, its nothing to do with whites at all. Yet decent black folks on here are revealing just how entrenched black bigotry/racism is in many quarters. Yet the liberal media racebaiters who invariably only really see/highlight white racism ignore this unsavoury fact of life. The tension between light skinned blacks and other blacks is sadly often pretty obvious to those who wish to see it. In Atlanta black African immigrants are often treated shamefully by many american blacks, which in good part is why many have set up their own seperate churches. West Indians also have “racial” problems dealing with many american blacks. I know this because I deal with folks who are new immigrants and they tell me this day after day. In a way this kind of attitude reflects what you could call a ‘black Jim Crow’ mentality, petty racial profiling and discrimination against those who are not exactly like you. Its sad because people should ALWAYS be judged on who they are not what they are.

By time for the truth

March 9, 2006 11:28 AM | Link to this

Its very revealing that a good number of the posts on here reflect quite overt black racism, often posted by folks who are black or in a multi-racial partnership. Given America’s undeniable (shameful) past you’d think generally speaking that blacks would actually strive much harder than other folks to get beyond this. Yet clearly many dont. Clearly this is pretty widespread as there’s just a tiny handful of folks posting on here and surely their experience is hardly a one off!! The term “ghetto blacks” used above clearly reflects where the problems are.

“Acting white” is black bigotry, its nothing to do with whites at all. Yet decent black folks on here are revealing just how entrenched black bigotry/racism is in many quarters. Yet the liberal media racebaiters who invariably only really see/highlight white racism ignore this unsavoury fact of life. The tension between light skinned blacks and other blacks is sadly often pretty obvious to those who wish to see it. In Atlanta black African immigrants are often treated shamefully by many american blacks, which in good part is why many have set up their own seperate churches. West Indians also have “racial” problems dealing with many american blacks. I know this because I deal with folks who are new immigrants and they tell me this day after day. In a way this kind of attitude reflects what you could call a ‘black Jim Crow’ mentality, petty racial profiling and discrimination against those who are not exactly like you. Its sad because people should ALWAYS be judged on who they are not what they are.

By EW

March 9, 2006 11:29 AM | Link to this

This is a rite of passage, sorry to say. IT happens. When I went through the M&M in APS, I had all ethnicities of friends. Sorry to say back then (I’m 33) it was most of the teachers that had the issues, one of my very best friends was Jewish, my Jewish 2nd grade teacher became appalled at the fact that we were close, she called her mother and told her, thankfully her mother called mine, needless to say my mother had a nice conversation with her. I had wonderful friends all they way though high school, why- because we had the same interests. The middle grades are special anyway, (I teach middle school) you would never imagine how mean the girls are to each other, black, white, Hispanic.

I see more meanness with girls who think they are better, or more affluent with girls they consider to not dress as well or they consider too be poor. Tell your daughter, to stick to her beliefs and values, inform the teachers and administration of what is happening as a CYA, just in case an altercation takes place. The one thing that I’m afraid of now, I live in an affluent black community, we have very few white students in her class and school, I want her to have the experience of meeting new people. Her best teacher yet has been this year and she is white, she had to write a paper on how Dr. King’s dream lives through her, I suggested to her that his dream is alive because she has the opportunity to have a teacher of a different race, my daughter then says, mommy she’s not white, I say yes she is, she told me no she’s not. She’s native american, because her teacher said her great grandmother had and Indian background. My point is - my daughter (2nd grade) sees no color right now, I suggested color to her. She sees her teacher that loves and teaches her. The adults have some growing up to do, and not bring our prejudices to our children.

By time for the truth

March 9, 2006 11:29 AM | Link to this

Its very revealing that a good number of the posts on here reflect quite overt black racism, often posted by folks who are black or in a multi-racial partnership. Given America’s undeniable (shameful) past you’d think generally speaking that blacks would actually strive much harder than other folks to get beyond this. Yet clearly many dont. Clearly this is pretty widespread as there’s just a tiny handful of folks posting on here and surely their experience is hardly a one off!! The term “ghetto blacks” used above clearly reflects where the problems are.

“Acting white” is black bigotry, its nothing to do with whites at all. Yet decent black folks on here are revealing just how entrenched black bigotry/racism is in many quarters. Yet the liberal media racebaiters who invariably only really see/highlight white racism ignore this unsavoury fact of life. The tension between light skinned blacks and other blacks is sadly often pretty obvious to those who wish to see it. In Atlanta black African immigrants are often treated shamefully by many american blacks, which in good part is why many have set up their own seperate churches. West Indians also have “racial” problems dealing with many american blacks. I know this because I deal with folks who are new immigrants and they tell me this day after day. In a way this kind of attitude reflects what you could call a ‘black Jim Crow’ mentality, petty racial profiling and discrimination against those who are not exactly like you. Its sad because people should ALWAYS be judged on who they are not what they are.

By time for the truth

March 9, 2006 11:34 AM | Link to this

sorry for the multiple posts, the page comes up unavailable and I only posted it twice!!

By Teacher2

March 9, 2006 11:59 AM | Link to this

What’s a girl to do? I asked this question of my predominantly black classes (I’m white) and despite a heated discussion, they eventually agreed that she should just IGNORE IT and stick with the friends she is closest to. It’s a shame that such narrowmindedness exists, but it’s there and it’s not going away any time soon. The mother should support her daughter and encourage her to be herself. At least in this case the mother isn’t condemning her daughter too, unlike the families of many of my students.

By amadamaranda

March 9, 2006 12:04 PM | Link to this

All I see going on here is a peeing contest. You’re all full of it.

By Shocked by Ignorance

March 9, 2006 12:05 PM | Link to this

SET

I just checked the LA Times and there’s a blog on there right now called “Rap Ban May End in Less Regulation”. I’m sure that this is a controversy worth you checking out. I’ve visited California-LA, Beverly Hills and I had a great time. Everyone was friendly and very outgoing. And, yes I am black. If it wasn’t so expensive to live there I would move in a heartbeat. I hail from Michigan which is the most segregrated state in the U.S.

Tiffany-If white families weren’t at home teaching racism explain the recent growth of the new “Clan”.

We all have to be responsible as parents, teachers, leaders for what we say and how we act toward others whether they are within our own race or not.

By Trekker

March 9, 2006 12:55 PM | Link to this

You should tell your daughter that those other girls have the problem. I faced similar issues in high school because I had white friends with the same interests. The black people that would make the comments to me about being white weren’t my friends. These girls saying this to yor daughter aren’t her real friends. Kids are innocent and shouldn’t be tainted with the racist stereotypes that permeate the rest of the world.

By Sydney

March 9, 2006 01:05 PM | Link to this

Hmm…very interesting topic. Yes, I believe that the girl should be free to befriend whomever she pleases, but I would also have to go along with those who have suggested she diversify her pool of friends. As someone stated above, it would be worth examining what her attitude toward other blacks are. Many times, Blacks - youngsters and adults - will go out of their way to “snub” other blacks just to garner favor with Whites. Trust me, I’ve been there…’til I caught myself. (This practice is equally as shameful and disturbing as the girls looking down on her for her choice of friendships!) It is not beyond imagination that the girl could have less than a positive attitude toward other blacks. (Not saying that she IS.) Are we to believe that ALL the other black students are against her?

Also, I appreciate whomever it was that mentioned Willie Lynch! Those African Americans who are not familiar with his philosophies should get schooled quickly! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that his trickery is indeed working.

Lastly, I have to admonish those of my fellow Blacks who have been kind enough to share your similar stories of how your child(ren) also had mostly White friends and they grew up to do so much better than the Blacks that criticized them. Let’s get something straight: while I can appreciate that they remained true to who they were, they DID NOT become successful because they embraced mostly White friends! Be careful that you don’t paint the wrong cause-and-effect picture here!!! They are successful because they found companionship with like-minded people of ambition, those whose parents wanted more in life for them and who pushed them to always reach higher. And that, my friends, is not exclusive to white society, nor was it ever! If all of your child(ren)’s friends were white and they “made it,” that’s great. But I’m an intelligent African American woman whose friends were mostly black in school. And still are. Not so much by conscious choice or exclusion, but more like happenstance. Yes, there are many students who are more comfortable with people of other races, but there are also many successful Black students who grew up in successful Black areas and who - YES - came up with mostly (or, ALL) Black friends. They’ve grown up to be highly successful as did most of their friends.

And for all the Blacks that are so concerned (and disgusted by) “ghetto” Blacks, maybe if you’d look beyond yourself and your sphere of middle and upper-class influences, you might one day be one of the vessels that God will use to help some “ghetto” person rise above. I realize not all of them can be helped, but if we’d embrace the “each one, reach one” mentality, we could certainly BEGAN to make a change. As long as we will seclude ourselves in our lovely homes and gas-guzzling SUV’s (I’ve parked mine in favor of MARTA these days), then the spirit and Willie Lynch will always live.

Once you know who you are, can love who you are, you have no problems loving and embracing others…no matter how different.

“This above all; to thine own self be true.”

By Elane

March 9, 2006 01:06 PM | Link to this

I agree a thousand percent with SET. I’m a white person who grew up in a mostly white community, and it’s NOT about race, it’s about class. I wish my parents had explained the difference to me as a child, and steered me away from the slackers and losers. I’m not doing badly now in middle age, but would have gotten a better, earlier start by surrounding myself with people who had a purpose in life. But this was the idealistic 70s, when everyone was supposed to be equal. There’s a huge gulf between those who see beyond their neighborhood and think in the long term, versus those who live for the moment and let others do their thinking for them. Parents who know what’s what should never apologize for setting limits on their kids’ peer relationships. The stakes are higher now than ever before.

By Susie

March 9, 2006 01:16 PM | Link to this

I’m seeing a pattern here…I’ve already posted about it and so have several others. It seems to be more of a “girl” think than it does a “race” thing. I said before that girls will pounce on anything they can find to be mean about, and so have a few others.

Maybe that would be a good blog topic. Why the heck are girls so mean to each other, and why on earth do they learn it at such a young age?? And WHERE are they learning it? I know a few girls of middle and high school age, and I know that at times they’ve been mean to others. I also know these girls mothers, and they are nothing like that. Some of their mothers are my friends, and I’ve known the girls since they were born!

Why is it that girls so evil to each other and boys are NOT? This is why I had more guy friends than I did girl friends, when I was a kid. There was no drama with the boys! A guy can be walking down the hall and come upon a group of guys who aren’t especially his friends, and they’ll all say “hey man, how’s it going?” A lone girl walks down the hall, encounters a group of girls who aren’t her friends, and they will watch her walk by, then start giggling and whispering before she’s out of earshot.

I lived this, I know it happened in the 80s and I think it’s a lot worse now than it used to be. I just want to know WHY. WHY are girls so INSECURE that they have to tear each other down to bring themselves UP?

I think its one reason why women don’t get taken seriously a lot of times…in the whole fight for equality, the “women’s libbers” forgot to mention that women need to push each other up, not try to tear each other down and step on each other, while clawing their way to the top.

It just makes me sad that girls learn this so early.

By Concerned Mother in Gwinnett

March 9, 2006 01:28 PM | Link to this

To stayinvolved….girl, tell me about it. Last March I was assaulted by a 16 yr old black girl @ a popular Gwinnett mall who called me a “White B” and my daughter a “F-ing Half Breed” after I asked she and her friends to stop shuving each other around because one of them fell into my daughter and knocked her to the floor. After security and police were called you could hear her cursing the police out as her intoxicated mother picked her up. Then her mother called the white cop the N* word and threatened to beat the cop down because she had been in jail before and she wasn’t afraid to go again. To this day my daughter is terrified to go back to this mall.

I guess this is just another case of “The apple doesn’t fall very fall from the tree” ! What are parents really teaching their children?