Get Schooled

By Sylvia

May 27, 2005 10:46 AM | Link to this

This incredible study claimed that thousands upon thousands of children are being kicked out of pre-school. The numbers are not believable, and if you listen to the studies promoters, they are asking for more tax-payer dollars to be spent on pre-schools. Indeed, in the quote above, they are suggesting that the schools need “behavior consultants”. If social and emotional development are so important why have so many schools nixed recess, or instituted “silent lunch”? Maybe the kids just need some unstructured free time, not expensive consultants. Then take the few kids with real, diagnosable problems and deal with them separately from the mainstream.

By DB

May 27, 2005 10:59 AM | Link to this

Keep them at home! We put them in an environment they are not yet ready for. Many parents go that route because it is free!

By Barbara

May 27, 2005 11:04 AM | Link to this

I have a 5 yr old grandson in pre-K. There is a 6 yr old bully in his classroom. He presumably pushes the younger, smaller kids around and once punched my grandson in the face. We don’t want our grandson to be aggressive however we don’t want him to let the boy bully him. His grandfather told him to stand up to the bully, but his mother and I are afraid there will be trouble at the daycare. What should we do?

By Joan

May 27, 2005 11:19 AM | Link to this

Pre-k programs should focus on learning how to be in school not on doing school work. If we are trying to make 4-year-olds do math and literacy work, no wonder there are problems!

By ZZ

May 27, 2005 11:21 AM | Link to this

My view on bullying is unpopular in today’s zero-tolerance atmosphere, and is no doubt incredibly old fashioned and primitive, but it’s worked for my kids, same as it did for me when I was a kid.

I advised my boys that when confronted and hassled by bullies, say nothing; instead, walk straight up to them and unload a full-force punch straight to the nose. They got in trouble; I was chastised severely; but the bullying stopped, and my kids learned to stand up for themselves. They’re non-violent types, otherwise unaffected by the experiences.

Guess it may not work for girls; plenty of girl bullies too.

Regarding Pre-K: do away with it, let the poor babies be little kids. They’ll learn their 3 R’s soon enough.

By MC

May 27, 2005 11:26 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the comments. My son was having behavioral problems in prek and preschool. Unfortunately, I’m in the military so I have no choice but to put him in some kind of childcare during the day.(Dad is stationed in another state, so I’m not a single mother.) Anyways, maybe that was his problem. We were trying to make him grow up too fast. I don’t know.

By MC

May 27, 2005 11:27 AM | Link to this

Thanks for the comments. My son was having behavioral problems in prek and preschool. Unfortunately, I’m in the military so I have no choice but to put him in some kind of childcare during the day.Dad is stationed in another state, so I’m not a single mother. Anyways, maybe that was his problem. We were trying to make him grow up too fast. I don’t know.

By MamaS

May 27, 2005 12:02 PM | Link to this

My son is in daycare at an accredited center. His class started off with 8 and is down to 6. Two were “expelled” for biting. My son was bitten at least 4 times. (He never bit back.) The concern I had was health — the other child could have hepatitis or be HIV positive and only the teacher would know. Parents of all the other children cannot be told to protect the privacy of the one.

By barbara

May 27, 2005 12:06 PM | Link to this

Thanks ZZ for your comments. That’s exactly what my grandson’s grandfather said for him to do. He and I are both from the old school I guess. I guess we need to teach our kids or grandkids to take up for themselves even if there is trouble at the school. His grandfather is the only male figure in his life, his mother has to work because his daddy is missing (ran off)

By Danielle

May 27, 2005 12:43 PM | Link to this

Some behavior problems stem from lack of proper training at home. The kids come to school angry and are acting out their feelings because they don’t know how else to express them. Some kids might be hungry or in need of attention or tired. They may want to sleep…Maybe letting them be with a trained (IF possible) couselor or Special Education teacher to act, draw, role play, or talk about their feelings to express them may help. Give them breakfast or a place to sleep may help with their behavior. If those strategies don’t work, then try modeling for the student. Show the child good behavior. You have to show them what you want. Then say, “you try it”…use a few strategies. I’m betting is something as simple as the child being hungry, tired and/or angry. So if the teacher allows that child to eat, give them a few minutes to sleep, and talk with a counselor, the child’s behavior will improve. If that doesn’t work after 2-3 weeks,then call home and have the possiblity of not allowing the child to come back to school.

By Jack

May 27, 2005 01:20 PM | Link to this

Danielle That is the problem with the schools today, we need to have the parents take their kids to counsoling if needed. The schools already spend too much time coddling these kids and holding their hands. If they can not behave in class then maybe they are not ready for school. We all need to stop holding the school and the teacher responsible for raising our children.

By Barb

May 27, 2005 01:26 PM | Link to this

Jack, I agree with you….the parents let their kid get away with anything, not enough discipline. Also the kids are lots of times mimicing their parents, the the kids hear bad language at home or see lots of arguing & fussing between their parents, they assume that’s the way to act. Kids “live what they learn”. And the learning should start at home with their parents.

By Tabby

May 27, 2005 01:29 PM | Link to this

I am a director of a daycare center with pre-k in it. And until you have worked it, had kids in it, or taught it I do not think that anyone has the right to presume what these kids are able or not able to handel, and one study on kids behavior problems does not show all of the wonderful things that this program does. Has anyone looked at the graduation rate that has rappidly increased since pre-k started. Pre-K give these kids a foundation, so that when they start Kindergarden they are not so scared and having such major issues about leaving mommy or daddy. There are lots of good things about this program. I have 2 children, both have gone threw it. My youngest has a learning disabilty and speach problems. Both of these things were brought to our attention in Pre-K. Special Education came in and she started Kindergarden with out any special help because these problems were fixed early on. I know that everyone is different, and i know that all children are different and learn differntly, but I do firmly belive in the motto that you do not pass judgements on someone or something until you have walked a mile in there shoes. The world is a different place now than it was five, ten, or fifteen years ago. We all need to help prepair our children the best way we can for what there future will be.

By jmm

May 27, 2005 01:40 PM | Link to this

It’s a good thing “tabby” is teaching pre-K and not a higher grade — she doesn’t know how to spell “kindergarden” or know the difference between “threw” and “through.” I’ve just started watching this blog (I’m planning to become a teacher), and I’m amazed at how many teachers don’t know basic English. What an eye-opener!

By Barb

May 27, 2005 01:46 PM | Link to this

jmm, hmmmm…I’m not a teacher but I noticed those misspellings too

By LO

May 27, 2005 01:53 PM | Link to this

I’m all for parental responsibility, but, let’s face it - their concrete has long since set. Pre-K was established to allow poorly prepared kids to catch up. Too may enter Pre-K never having been read a book or having stood in a line for something like lunch or to use a swing. Either we use Pre-K to catch them up on social, behavioral, self control skills, etc. or we will write them off from the git-go. If it hasn’t happened at home yet, it’s not going to.

By Mc

May 27, 2005 01:54 PM | Link to this

I counted 9 misspelled or misused words in Tabby’s blog. Also Tabby we are not necessarily judging how things are in the daycares/kindergartens; but instead of letting the daycare take charge of disciplining our children, we should START AT HOME.

By SE

May 27, 2005 01:56 PM | Link to this

JMM: That’s not all that Tabby spelled incorrectly. Add “handle”, “rapidly”, “speech”, “differently”, “believe” and “prepare” to your list. She also does not realize that singular and plural subjects MUST use differing forms of the same verb. Additionally, the homonyms “there”, “they’re” and “their” are exactly that: homonyms and not various ways to spell the same thing. I am NOT a teacher, but I had good teachers and I chose to learn from them.

By Juli

May 27, 2005 02:05 PM | Link to this

As a mother of 4 (2 who had early learning disabilities) and grandmother of 2, I think that we are doing our children a big disservice putting them into such highly structured learning environments at such an early age. Children need time to be kids, they need time to run around and play and associate with others without constantly being told how, Unless of course they need to be stopped from an unacceptable behavior. Children have an amazing amount of energy and very short attention spans and requiring them to sit and learn constantly creates situations where they get frustrated and disruptive. Not very many young children are physically (eye-hand coordination, fine motor skills)and mentally ready for an intense learning environment. One of the things that I have found to be an immense help in preparing a child for school, is to regularly let them associate with other people such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, trusted family friends of all ages. Children relate to each person differently and thus learn different things from each person and they also learn how to accept input in a broad range of ways. Their ability to learn visually and audibally is enhanced. They also need time to play alone or one other child as this enhances their ability to creatively problem solve. Children have an amazing ability to use all of their senses to learn with and when they are regularly exposed to different inputs, they continually use these senses and have the ability later to learn in a larger variety of ways. Also by allowing them to regularly interact with a variety of people, they learn how to behave better.

By Juli

May 27, 2005 02:11 PM | Link to this

Addendum: Think about it, as adults don’t you find that you sometimes just need time to do whatever you want, spontaneously without having your every minute planned for you? If you feel that way, how much more do you think a child feels that way when they are a bundle of raw energy just waiting to get up and go?. I don’t mean that they shouldn’t have some structure, I think that daycares are an invaluable resource for those children who are not getting any learning and socialization at home. I just think that too many kids are being put into such intense and highly structured environments that they aren’t really being allowed to be children.

By BJ

May 27, 2005 02:18 PM | Link to this

Juli, I agree with you….I remember when I was a child how important it was to get to go outside & play for a little while. I was so surprised when my children started school and they were told “no more recess, you’re a big kid now”, how ridiculous, kids grow up too fast nowadays anyway, why rush them even more….

By MRG

May 27, 2005 03:14 PM | Link to this

I am a single parent with a 4 year old who just completed his Pre-K year. As a parent who is actively involved in school and after school activities I would not have traded our experience for anything. The school was great, the teacher was awesome and the kids were eager to learn. My little one learned so much! Not only was he introduced to math, science, social studies, phonics, computers and art, he has learned an appreciation for school and is eager to start kindergarten. We come from a very close and educated family that stresses education. So to say that kids in Pre-K are put there because it’s free or that they have learned no social skills at home is an insult. My child was sent to LEARN and learn he did. For all of you who are coming down on the Pre-K program I hope you’re backing up all of this talk by WORKING with your kids at home and not just sending them out to play.

By Danielle

May 27, 2005 03:30 PM | Link to this

You are right in that education, discipline, and basic teaching should start at home. But, sadly some kids don’t have good home lives. I wish they did. What I meant was that the kids’ behavior problems could be from their basic needs not being met. Since they are very young children it’s not their fault. Their needs are not being met by the adults in their lives. I feel sorry for them. I was saying that if the teacher (I work in Special Education at the middle grades) could invest 15-20 minutes in the morning, the child(ren) would have a better chance at having a good day. Hopefully the child(ren) would see the classroom as a safe place to go and get something positive out of it so when he/she starts regular school the expecations are already known. It’s hard for those of us who provide our children with good homes, meals, morals, values, rules, and everything else children need and want that not all kids have that luxury. In my Sp. Ed. rooms I see 14 year olds with out coats in the winter, shoes that don’t fit, they wear the same clothes everyday, they smell because they haven’t showered in a week, and the list goes on. They haven’t been taught anything. I mean, at the young age, if the child needs food, sleep, and a person to talk to by allowing that for the pre-k child, the anger will not be so intense, the behavior will not be so bad, and the learning environment will be pleasant. At least, in a “perfect world.” It’s sad to think that kind of living arrangement exists for children but it does.

By Lisa

May 27, 2005 03:40 PM | Link to this

Do away with public schools until the age of 8. With the information avaliable on line today a child can learn all they need in about 3/4hours a day at home.

The only reason we have pre k is because too many kids are born to single parents who in turn need a baby sitter. Get back to two parent families where Dad works and mom stays home to teach the children until they are old enough to go to school and behave. 60% of black children are born to single mothers and 30% of white children are born to single mothers. Get the picture?

Also change the tax code to a consumption tax only (The Fair Tax Plan) and we would not need for both parents to work just to make ends meet.

By LISA

May 27, 2005 03:43 PM | Link to this

MGR. If you come from an eduacted family….then let your family teach your child and not the government.

Did I say that to many children are being born to single parents??

By Lisa

May 27, 2005 03:50 PM | Link to this

Quote from Tabby

“I am a director of a daycare center with pre-k in it. And until you have worked it, had kids in it, or taught it I do not think that anyone has the right to presume what these kids are able or not able to handel, and one study on kids behavior problems does not show all of the wonderful things that this program does.”

Can we say….run on sentence. Yes.

Tabby, I assume you are paid by the taxpayers to provide this service so you have a vested interest in preserving Pre K programs.

It’s funny that we did O.K. in the 50’s and sixties when parents actually married before they had children and moms actually stayed home to help raise their children. As long as we give the Government the responsibility to raise our children then we will have a failed society.

By LO

May 27, 2005 04:11 PM | Link to this

LISA, if you think you’re going to change the parents - single or otherwise, you’re dreaming. We have to break the cycle with today’s children at an early age by exposing them to better alternatives, teaching them better values, in the school environment. If it hasn’t happened at home by age 4, it’s not going to happen. Is the single parent picture a big part of the problem? Of course it is, but punting todays kids back to inadequate parents just writes off another generation for society to support or imprison (or both). Re: Fair Tax, thats a formula for disaster. Our economy is 75% - 85% consumer activity. Most of our society lives to the end of their paycheck and beyond. Add a big tax burden to purchases and folks are going to cut back on spending - especially for non-essentials. Guess what that does for an economy dominated by consumer spending? Longing for a return to the Depression, are you?

By CJ

May 27, 2005 04:16 PM | Link to this

I am the mother of a child who was removed from Pre-K 2 years ago. However, instead of pushing him away, they helped me get the testing my child needed and he was enrolled in an EBD Pre-K program (Emotionally & Behaviorally Delayed). He continued with the program through kindergarten and 1st grade. It made a huge difference in his (and our family’s) life. I am proud to say that he has been promoted to a “regular-ed” 2nd grade class this fall. I am grateful for his original Pre-K teacher for recognizing issues that would have become even worse when he entered grade school and even more grateful for the teachers who have worked with him since. He now has the skills and focus needed to be a great student and not be held back by his former impulses. There is good to be found here!

By vk

May 27, 2005 04:27 PM | Link to this

Shouldn’t we be more interested in writing about the kids in the Pre-K program that are being expelled instead of bashing each other for misspelled words and incorrect punctuation?

I think it very sad that parents don’t or can’t get together with the teachers to work on problem behavior before it get to the point of expulsion. Any time a teacher has let me know there is a problem with one of my children, I drop everything and get myself to school immediately. I speak with my child’s teacher and then with my child and let him know what is expected of him and what will happen if he does not behave or does not do as the teacher ask of him.

Maybe better communication between parents, teachers and children is part of the answer. Maybe if people treated others as they wanted to be treated it would be a better in general.

By Jennifer

May 27, 2005 04:29 PM | Link to this

Lisa,

You are certainly in no position to correct anyone! Were you just jumping on the bandwagon? Tabby’s sentence was NOT a run-on. She missed one comma after “or taught it,” but that alone wouldn’t make it a run-on. You made the same mistake when you said, “With the information avaliable on line today a child can learn all they need in about 3/4hours a day at home.”—There should be a comma between “today” and “a child.”

This is an actual run-on sentence, which is from one of your posts: “60% of black children are born to single mothers and 30% of white children are born to single mothers.”—Since you have two independent clauses, you need a comma before the “and” to avoid creating a run-on.

Back off of the spelling and grammar attacks, guys… face it—most of your peers cannot spell without the benefit of spell check, and I don’t know about you, but it’s very difficult to edit a longish post in this tiny little comments box. I agree that some people make gross mistakes; however, simply weigh that when you take their opinion into account and leave the attacks out of the blog.

By T. R.

May 27, 2005 04:39 PM | Link to this

Quote: “For all of you who are coming down on the Pre-K program I hope you’re backing up all of this talk by WORKING with your kids at home and not just sending them out to play.”

Oh my, I don’t know where to start hating that statement.

I absolutely DO let my four year old play all day, because THAT’S WHAT 4 YEAR OLDS SHOULD BE DOING ALL DAY! THEY’RE F-O-U-R!

They should also be spending the bulk of their FAMILY and people who LOVE them, not strangers.

Children are not little adults.

A friend of mine, who was a longtime kindergarten teacher, once told me something fascinating. She said on the first day of school, you could easily separate the kids who had preschool from those who did not. But, by December, the line was erased and almost always the no-preschool kids caught right up.

That’s because when a child is ready for something, it comes much faster than when it is introduced too soon. The Law of Diminishing Returns, so to speak.

Georgia Department of Education - Where you get less by doing more.

By Zabud

May 27, 2005 04:39 PM | Link to this

CJ, I am happy that things have worked out for your child, and I am even more elated that you as a parent, when informed by the teacher of the concerns about your child’s deportment stepped up to the plate, as a parent should, and addressed the issue instead of attempting to shift the blame to the school, the teacher, the custodian, some family disfunction, or any number of other excuses that you could have manufactured. As a result, you child is being and will continue to be successful. Had you played the “Oh, but it must be someone else’s fault” game, the outcome likely would have been different. Good job, CJ!

By Mom of 3

May 30, 2005 11:43 AM | Link to this

Today’s society feel that they have to keep up with their neighbors and that means two incomes, although, to be fair many need two incomes just to survive. If you are fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with your children, be it mother or father; do it. Children will learn more from a parent, one-on-one, than they will from a Pre-K program. Socialization will come eventually after they enter kindergarten; manners and responsibility for their own behavior should be taught regardless of whether they attend preschool or not. It becomes our job as parents when we decide to have children. The dynamics of the family and the care of relationships between human beings are paramount; this will carry over and your child will be a well rounded individual that will only need guidance from you and their teachers as they grow and learn. The unfortunate high turnover rate of daycare workers and Pre-K type programs is detrimental to our children at a very crucial time of their development; stay home with your children and give them your time, your love and your attention if at all possible. It is well worth it.

By Erdine Njie

May 30, 2005 04:00 PM | Link to this

As a previous teacher of students with behavior disorders I say y’all need to restructure the learning environment. Particularly where males are involved. All this sitting and confinement is too much. My success was contigent upon having a grap bag. Where when I saw their attention fading I pull related information from my grap bag. Then went back to the structure lesson. It worked, but still we as teachers want to teach today’s students the way we were taught. No way Jose. This is one of the reason I have resigned.

By My child loves daycare

May 31, 2005 10:12 AM | Link to this

I am the mother of an only child—almost three years old. She has been in daycare since she was less than a year old. She has thrived in daycare. I certainly do not think of her teachers as strangers —they are an important part of her life and I appreciate their skills, passion and dedication. She is a very social little girl and has thrived in the company of her peers and the organized activities at “school”. Before anyone goes off—the activities have only become more organized as she has gotten older—they didn’t have scheduled “nap time” at 7 months old!

For some, daycare is a necessity, for other it is a choice. For those of you who have chosen to stay home with your children, Good for You! But don’t assume that those of us who send our children to daycare are only looking for babysitters. My child is in daycare part-time these days and would probably be terribly bored if I kept her home all day. She is enjoying playing with other children her own age, doing art projects with them and learning many skills. For some of us, daycare is a wonderful complement to the time we spend with our children at home.

By Lynn

May 31, 2005 11:20 AM | Link to this

Lisa-

What do the stats about single mothers & race have to do with anything? Sounds like a racist comment to me & I’m white. I can only imagaine how that must have come across to black women! Not all of us are fortunate enough to be married to rich men who can take care of us while we take care of our children. I was married when I had my child but now I’m a single mom. I don’t have the luxury of staying home with my son. I would LOVE to but it’s just not possible. I PROVIDE for us. You need to quit being so ignorant and judgemental!!

By ENR

May 31, 2005 11:47 AM | Link to this

Thank you, Lynn. I’m glad to hear someone else pick up on Lisa’s comment in regards to single black moms vs. single white… as an Af. Am. female I must ask Lisa what her comment has to do with any of this? Assumptions were being made about the causation of the conduct that I find borderline racist… and that’s putting it nicely… I believe the issues here are too diverse to paint with broad strokes of being caused by a particular minority group… why not examine the failings of the system or the parents or even, as many other bloggers have already pointed out, the scary fast pace of our materialistic society… which at times seems more oriented towards purchasing power and having things versus excellent child care???

By cb

May 31, 2005 12:13 PM | Link to this

If the kids don’t know how to act at Pre-K age, they will never learn to act. The parents need to do their job and teach their child how to act. My kids are in pre-k. Their school has discipline rules which they enforce. Too bad they took spanking out of school. Only time a child is kicked out if they become physically violent with other students or teachers and can’t be restrained.

By kdw

May 31, 2005 01:01 PM | Link to this

A child’s behavior doesn’t have nearly as much to do with whether or not he/she is being raised in a single parent home and whether his/her mother is Black or white as it has to do with how discipline is administered in the home. I am a divorced mother of one son. I love him beyond measure and he is the absolute light of my life, but he knows that there are dire consequences to bad behavior. This is something I instilled in him at a VERY early age. He is now 11 and we have had no discipline problems in school. And I am sure that he is not an exception to any rule.

If parents teach their children that there are consequences to every action, be it good or bad, and teach them responsibility, the schools would not have so many discipline problems.

By John Parr

May 31, 2005 01:44 PM | Link to this

T.R.,

While I do agree with you that a 4 year old should have ample play time, I disagree that that is all a 4 year old should be doing. As you undoubtedly know, the brain of a child that young is like a sponge—they can soak up just about anything. Their attention spans may be short, but that’s because their brains are so active. If you’re letting your 4 year old play all day, you’re missing out on a great opportunity for them to learn a lot now that will be harder for them to learn later on. Want them to be bilingual? Believe it or not, they’ll have an easier time with it at 4 than they will at 15 when they’re getting their two years of foreign language to go to college. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Mm-hmm. Scientific fact. Look into it before it’s too late.

By kdw

May 31, 2005 02:09 PM | Link to this

I agree with John Parr…a day filled with play is not beneficial to a child. Because they have such short attention spans at that age, a little learning interspersed with a little play would be more beneficial for the child. I think that is one reason I enrolled my son in a Montessori Pre-K program. The ‘unstructured structure’ seemed well-suited to active, curious minds.

By Jan

May 31, 2005 02:32 PM | Link to this

Years ago, kindergarten was created so that children would know their letters, numbers and colors before they really started school, and to learn how the school environment worked. This wasn’t free in Georgia until sometime in the 1970s (I think). It then became apparent that many children from disadvantaged areas were starting kindergarten having never held a book, crayon or cup. Head Start and pre-K programs were created to address this. Obviously, the children who are booted out of pre-k programs for behavioral problems are the ones who need pre-K the most, and some accommodation must be made for them.

For all of you who blame this on the decrease in the number of two-parent households, you are only partially right. The golden age in which the stay-at-home-mom household was the norm was also an age in which educational testing was barely done, the working world was designed solely for white men, and disadvantaged children were written off as not worth educating. I am appalled that some of you here are willing to write off a four-year-old child because you don’t approve of his or her parents. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to stay home with the kids. Instead of pointing fingers at society and patting yourselves on the back, look around your community and find a way to help.

By Sarah

May 31, 2005 02:46 PM | Link to this

I have to say that I’m dismayed that a professional who works full time with preschoolers and could add much to this discussion will likely never contribute again because of an hysterical over-reaction to a few typos.

By Dick

May 31, 2005 04:47 PM | Link to this

As old Barney Fife said many times “you got to nip it in th bud”. If you do not get the unruly childs atention in Pre-K, waht will you have by the time they get to the 10th grade, an unruly child. How can we expect teachers to teach our children when they have to compete against a student in the class. As said in an earlier post, ,many parnts use Pre-K as a state paid baby sitting service. Place blame back at feet it deserves to be placed—the guardians.

By Carlos

May 31, 2005 04:51 PM | Link to this

GET A LIFE! I’m glad to see all the English majors have all this free time to correct a very busy persons comment. While typing I’m sure she had, parents calling about their whining kids, bratty kids biting others, facilities in need of repairs, etc,…the list is long! Please support the teachers and become part of the solution!

By T. R.

June 1, 2005 09:25 AM | Link to this

Mr Parr,

You make assumptions that, while incorrect, are fair enough given the brevity of this forum.

I also believe that the brain of a young child is a sponge. The question is, what kind of water do you want them to absorb? See, I like real live living water (real world) rather than the bottled sterilized kind (classroom).

Without a day in a classroom, my dd who turns 4 in June already knows her alphabet, how to count, how to write her name, good manners, and incidentally about 30 words in spanish from her favorite show.

She does not know, however, how to sit quietly at her desk, stand straight in line, and nap when she’s not tired. She’s also quite deficient in being bullied, teased, or how to do those things to others.

She also has not had to learn how to be away from her family for more hours a week that a part time job.

I can’t help but feel that people who are so gung-ho about pre-k just love the free daycare. Me, I love having a free day with my kids.

By Akeya

June 1, 2005 10:13 AM | Link to this

To those who are advocating walking up to kids and simply punching them out, bad idea. Children are coming to school strapped nowadays. Where have you all been?

Lisa- how about you concentrate on your own 2 parent family? I am a single mother of a bilingual 2 year old who counts past 50, knows his address and phone number, can spell over 20 words, and much much more than many kids I know who are at home all day with their parents. I taught my son ALL of those things. There is nothing new that he has learned in daycare. He is in daycare 50 hours per week and is much more well-adjusted than many of the children I know and have worked with who have “stay-at-home” parents. Please, lets not start the self-righteous stay-at-home parent comments. It’s insulting.

By Akeya

June 1, 2005 10:34 AM | Link to this

Before I’m scolded, let me correct my error “let’s”…

By td

June 1, 2005 10:52 AM | Link to this

The kids who are bad or misbehave in school are that way because that’s how they act at home. When relatives think little johnnie is cute when he bites, kicks and screams, little johnnie will come to school biting, kicking and screaming. Child Psychology 099.

I have one even better. When little johnnie bites, kicks and screams at you or hits mommy, mommy tries to reason with him instead of spanking him and teaching him right from wrong.

By td

June 1, 2005 11:05 AM | Link to this

You know, ignorant is as ignorant does. To make it seem like single-parent homes produce the worst children is totally unfounded. I know children from both two parent homes and single parent homes and neither really act much differently than the other. However, I have noticed that when there was trouble in my neighborhood, it came from the children in the two parent homes. Go figure.

I mean, really. Just look at what a two parent home offers a child. The father is usually out working so many hours the kid hardly sees him anyway. Single mothers tend to over extend themselves in compensating for the absent parent. They give of themselves sometimes to two or three children. Whereas the two parent home parents don’t always appear to be as attentive.

By Chavanda Payne

June 7, 2005 12:21 PM | Link to this

td, you have said well! ignorant is indeed as ignorant does. i hate to burst any bubbles, but since lisa [and all the other self righteous posters from the two-parent-stay-at-homers-club] don’t seem to have a clue about the environment of many dual income households, i’m gonna help y’all out a lil’ bit.

“The father is usually out working so many hours the kid hardly sees him anyway. Single mothers tend to over extend themselves in compensating for the absent parent.” AMEN!

during my college years here in atlanta, i earned money doing lots of childcare. i substituted in daycare centers, provided in-home care on an as-needed basis through an agency and did a couple of stints as a nanny. so i’ve been in many homes of two-parent families [mostly white homes, some black, if it matters.] the degree of attentiveness that most of these parents gave their children was virtually NIL!!! nada! none! you get the picture. many of these families were high earners - probably the ones that lisa thinks stay at home to nurture and teach their kids all day. be ye not mistaken! these are “stay at home mothers” who do all but stay at home. many of these families pay exorbitant agency fees, in addition to the caregivers wages, only for these “stay at home moms” to go play tennis, golf, work out, go get her nails and hair done or…here’s the kicker - to JUST GET AWAY FROM THE KIDS! and some of the really sociable/open women wouldn’t hesitate to tell me that. so what the heck is the difference between the conscientious single (through circumstances beyond my control) black mother and the oblivious, apathetic white parents whose have ‘subcontracted’ the care of their kids to the lowest bidder?? answer that, will ya? just because there is a non-working parent at home does not mean that their children are being better taught or that they have the privilege of being more influenced by mom or dad - instead of strangers. i have first hand experience that many well-to-do families just bring the strangers home instead of sending the kids out to the strangers! i enjoyed the work, cause i truly enjoy working with kids, no matter what race or socioeconomic background. i’ve taught many babies to walk, talk, helped them establish a good foundation. i’ve helped to prepare numerous pre-schoolers for school. ‘my’ little babies (white, black or otherwise) would often call me mama. (this was all before my own kids.) it was sweet, it was cute, but eventually i got away from that kind of work. in all honesty, it reminded me too much of slavery days. i commenced to finish my undergraduate studies and went on to get married and have my own kids.

just because a parent is present doesn’t mean they’re available. and if they are not available, they do their child(ren) little good - whether it be for academic support, disciplinary issues or otherwise.

now, i must ask - why is it that people hold this myopic little notion that single parenthood is always a result of children born out of wedlock? may i offer you a quarter to go buy a clue!?!?! have you missed the latest stats on divorce rates? don’t you realize that - for all intents and purposes - military wives/husbands with spouses in combat or stationed else are single parents? and then there are women like myself who have lost their spouse - permanently! yes, widows are part of face of single parenthood too.

my kids are 12, 10 and 9 year olds. i try not to whine and complain about our situation. nor do i resort to blaming others. as a previous poster stated, it’s all about how displine is administered. children who have no consequences for misbehavior become worse and worse. my kids know better than to try me. i was strict when my husband was here (he was more lenient that i), and i can afford to be no less strict now that it’s just me. do i spank? you darned skippy i spank! (they were 5, 3 and almost 2 when he passed, so i’ve had to do pre-k single parenting for the younger two.) when they mess up, i don’t hesitate to line ‘em up. i don’t abuse them, but i sure as hell don’t let them abuse me like i see many parents doing. my 12 year old honor student knows a great deal of spanish and french, he plays 2 instruments and is interested in a 3rd. this is my little mr. hyper-ambitious and i usually have to help him draw the line so he doesn’t take on too much. the other two are equally as outgoing - each in their own way. no, i don’t get to spend all day with them, but when i do have discretionary time, my first choice is to be with them, nurturing and teaching them and trying to reinforce what they learn in school. like so many others have said, they do need a chance to be kids. i make sure mine are given a quality learning environment but also try to stay keenly aware of when they need some space, play time, a little down time or just time to do nothing. trust me, it makes all the difference in the world. i don’t profess to be the perfect single mother, but i do the best i can. it makes me feel good when teachers, their mentors or relatives compliment me on their behavior.

if anybody knows the fragility of life, i do. here’s the thing - build your kids from the inside out. that’s how God deals with us. instill some character and value in them and you won’t have to spend some much time trying to polish them up on the outside. the virtue will come - naturally - from what has been invested on the inside. children are stressed just like we are. pray with your kids. pray FOR your kids. stop pretending that you know everything. admit to them when you’re wrong and they very easily learn to do the same. personally, i’ve always been more concerned with my children’s behavior than i have their academics. that’s not braggadocia, but they came from good stock where intellect is concerned, so i don’t get into the parental rat-race of trying to make sure i’ve got the smartest kids. i believe if you give them the foundation to learn (decent behavior being high on that list), then they can absorb the academics more easily.

i know this wasn’t supposed to be a conversation about the effectiveness of single parenting, but it always gets brought into discussions of behavior issues.

for a wonderful example of behavior and academic miracle, read ben carson’s “gifted hands.” this man went from being an angry kid from a single-parent household to one of the world’s leading neurosurgeons. i wonder how? i’ll tell you how - cause his mama didn’t play! there were consequences for her sons’ disobedience and misbehavior, as there must be for all our kids if we wish to see them succeed in life.

if i have any typos, split any verbs or have violated any of you by virtue of unintentional errors of grammar, please - i beg of you in advance - forgive me. i’ve had to proofread in a hurry. no dissertations of correction necessary! peace.

chavanda