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DEL.ICIO.USAre You a Helicopter Parent?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A Time magazine story looks at well-intentioned parents who might be impeding their kids’ self-reliance with their efforts to make sure everything goes smoothly for them at school.
The Helicopter Parent is known for constant hovering. For example, such parents interfere too much in their kids’ discipline issues at school, challenging every reprimand. Or they jump in too quickly to dispute the grade a teacher gave their child on the paper. Such parents are always at school, which can be a blessing for teachers who feel like they can’t accomplish all that’s expected without such support. But when a child appears with a science project so perfect it’s clearly the creation of the beaming parent standing beside the child … parental involvement has gone too far.
Is it hard to know when to jump in and when to pull back at school? Do parents get a mixed message about how involved they should be in their child’s schooling?
(Thanks for DeKalb dad Ernest Brown for alerting me to this story, and for acknowledging that perhaps he just might share a few characteristics with such parents on occasion.)
Comments
Commenting is now closed for this entry.
By James McCoy
February 15, 2005 08:29 AM | Link to this
Some will say you can’t have it both ways teachers. One day you are crying about a lack of parents being involved in their childs school and learning. And the next day you are crying about the helicopter type of parent. I think there’s a middle ground some where in this situation. I think rules should be changed to allow students to pursue the ideals that they are attracted too. The manner of teaching students in the year 2005 is 100 years backwards in my opinion. How about letting our children’s minds explore?
By David
February 15, 2005 11:26 AM | Link to this
In sending your kids off to the hands of the government, you have given away your responsibility and your rights. To even think that your “involvement” in any way counters the brainwashing (sorry, socialization) that your children are subjected to is to kid yourself. The parent who wants to be truly involved in their child’s education will homeschool them. It is not the responsbility of the government, nor it is their right place. The moral teaching should be yours, the reprimands should be yours, the instructions about values should be yours, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
What really messes up kids is not the fact that they are getting mixed messages, but rather that their parents have sent them off to the government prison system for 12 years and then want to pretend that they actually care about what is going on in their lives away from family. Kids can see through this deception and deeply want to return home to an environment of love and caring, not remain prisoners in an environment of mindless obedience.
By Emi;y
February 15, 2005 12:32 PM | Link to this
Let your children’s minds explore? You must be joking. After NCLB, we are lucky to teach anything beyond what is on the test.
By Amanda
February 15, 2005 01:03 PM | Link to this
I don’t have kids of my own, but at 24, it wasn’t that long ago when I was in school myself. I was a straight-A student, and very involved in many activities and sports. My parents knew exactly what I was doing at school, but not because they were constantly hovering. If I got in trouble at school, no one went to complain to the teacher - I was asked to explain my actions. If I had a project to do, I did the project. I am now 2 years out of college, married, and successful at work for someone my age. As for my friends in school with “helicopter” parents, most are still living at home or still in college 6 years later or never graduated at all and, to me, haven’t really learned to live on their own because mom and dad always bailed them out or said that it was unfair if they got a bad grade. Parents, take the opportunity when your children are young to teach them that being successful in school is their responsibility. You cannot hold their hands for the rest of their lives, and you don’t need to. You do them no favors. Likewise, don’t hand them over to the school system to raise. Be involved, but from home - not physically in the classroom. Teach them that consequences follow their actions instead of bailing them out whenever they do something wrong. Let them do 1 science project by themselves, helping when they ask you to help instead of planning it for them. When they become adults, they might actually be mature, and will move out of your house before they turn 30.
By Ron
February 15, 2005 03:28 PM | Link to this
Amanda,
Your teachers, parents, and college professors must be very proud of you.
By James McCoy
February 15, 2005 04:57 PM | Link to this
Has anyone ever stop to think why all students couldn’t be like the poster Amanda?
By Ken
February 16, 2005 08:26 AM | Link to this
Today’s teaching and administration methods make it very difficult not to be a “helicopter parent.” Discipline and teaching are no longer personalized, but are generic, same goes for everyone. A prime example are kids getting suspended for keychains and wallets that “may be used as weapons.” It appears to me that no one is allowed to think anymore, teachers nor students. It is all about regurgitating what you have been told. Parents have to hover every second to make sure what is going on in the school is actually helping, not hurting their child’s future. Hopefully the parents are smart enough to tell the difference. This is why I support school vouchers and school choice. Parents need to be allowed to put their kids where they can grow.
By I_Teach!
February 16, 2005 01:59 PM | Link to this
James, I don’t have to think why more can’t be like Amanda..(hooray for you, Amanda!)- Amanda’s parents—instead of belittling the schools and undermining the authority of the teacher, admins, etc. held their daughter accountable.
Vouchers work? PUHLEEZE. Do you really think that the pitiful amount given ‘back’ to you (according to what GA spends per pupil) will pay for a GOOD private education? Remember-there are a LOT of horrid private schools..non-certified teachers abound in that system!
I love parent help-help is NOT hovering; not making excuses for Precious and Darling; not doing their work for them, or even taking the blame. “Helicopter parents” cripple their kids. I have two hs sons- and my husband and I have taught them that we will help when needed- and support them, their school, and activities, but that does not mean I will do their work, cover their butts, or blame the schools for their mistakes. If more parents raised their kids as Amanda’s did, schools would be ‘better.’ (They aren’t quite as awful as they’d -whoever they are- would have you believe!)
By Amanda
February 16, 2005 02:13 PM | Link to this
Thanks for the “praise”, guys. I’d like to say that by no means was I a perfect student or child, but I_Teach knows the real reason I feel the way I do - My parents instilled in me and my sister self-respect, responsiblity, and the value of hard work from the time we were babies. Not everyone has that support system at home, and unfortunately there are few people who can help kids with those values if the parents don’t step up to the plate. Money won’t fix the school system (although it is necessary) and vouchers give me the idea that we should just abandon all the so called “bad” schools so that they can only get worse. At any rate, teaching children responsibility and pride in hard work will go further than anything else in helping the school system. I found this quote from Colin Powell today in my day planner:
“The greatest gift my parents gave to me…were their unconditional love and a set of values. Values that they lived and didn’t just lecture about.”