Misadventures in Atlanta

By Miss QC

January 15, 2009 8:39 AM | Link to this

Morning…have a great day all

By Le Siren

January 15, 2009 8:42 AM | Link to this

I assume this topic was inspired by the movie “Not Easily Broken”. I saw it last night and had a very good conversation with my date. The mother of the main female character played a major (negative) role in their marriage due to the fact that she herself suffered through a horrible marriage. I think that alot of times, your friends and family subconsciously want your relationship to fail because they are unhappy themselves. This is why I tend to keep my relationship issues to myself and work them out with my significant other. The next best thing is a counselor who is impartial to the situation.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 8:43 AM | Link to this

IMO and experience there is fair balance of both. I do not live or conduct my relationship based strictly on how others are doing it.

My husband and I are our own persons and we have to deal with each other as such. Now this does not mean that I rule out the law of marriage. I believe marriage to be unbiased and as I stated the other day we both agreed to abide by those laws.

But outside of that we do our thing. I seek confidential advice from only one close and dear friend. And all the time it is not advice that I go to her for, but just to talk sometimes. Just to have a sounding board to listen. We are the same for each other. There are times she will offer advice and there are times when I offer my opinion to her. It’s up to the person individually to weigh the advice and apply it as it pertains to their situation.

I do not do relationship manuals. And I do not tell my husband what somebody else said he should or shouldn’t do. And I will not accept it from him.

Every couple must find their common ground and make it work for them. I don’t even entertainment friends who offer up the “girl I wouldn’t take that”. Those are to always be avoided. But I like I said I stick with one confidant who I trust. And all of her advice doesn’t always fit my relationship matters. Neither mine’s hers.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 8:54 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I am a believer in DIY regarding relationships. Everyone is different and frankly no one knows your mate’s little quirks better than you. Yes it is okay to bounce ideas, feelings and frustrations off others but in the end it is up to the two people involved to “straighten it out”.

As for staying involved with a family I didn’t let them in to our relationships but I always felt close enough to the one of my ex’s sister’s to say could you please talk to the fool..he is doing XYZ.

My son’s father’s family is in alot of ways like my own. How can I put this? Its like the Mafia you never really leave “the family”. So while divorces happen and people grow apart…if there are kids..you may very well see ex-hubby or ex-wife or girlfriend at the family get togethers. Heck at my mom’s funeral my sister’s babies daddies(two) all rode to the wake and graveside service in the same car.

By Mr. Smith

January 15, 2009 8:55 AM | Link to this

Morning.. Overhyped weather report, not really cold this morning..

Thats a big no no, for me… And you can always tell when your GF has been talking to her GFriends.. It seems like you are arguing with three different people(females) at the same time.. Heres the famous line.. “I was just talking to GF aka MANHATER, and I wanted to get her input on what we were going through.. And MANHATER says you are cheating on me.” Mans response to that, WOW!!!

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 8:58 AM | Link to this

I think that alot of times, your friends and family subconsciously want your relationship to fail because they are unhappy themselves.

LeSiren it’s not just friends and family, it’s anybody who is just unhappy. It is a very true saying that misery loooves company. It’s not just the ones that see you are happy but it is the ones that hear that you are. You to learn to brush the naysayers off and keep on living. Misery do love company.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 9:08 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone!

Whoo hoo…I don’t tell my family squat about my relationships. It’s because they want the best for me.

I’ve found that family (and friends) don’t forget. You can work it out and reconcile with your mate, and they will look at him sideways til the end of time.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 9:14 AM | Link to this

I don’t really have a family member outside of my oldest brother that I talk to about my relationship matters. I only talk to him for his professional expertise on certain issues.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 9:15 AM | Link to this

Morning, I can stand to get sound advice from family and close friends. But you have to be very careful about it though because the very same one(s) you get your advice from are the very same one(s) who want to see you miserable. But you know we can’t help but to tell what’s going on good or bad in our relationships. I have a friend who tells me everything that goes on in his relationship even though I really don’t want to hear it but me being a good friend lends a warm ear. I want to tell him the woman is not going to marry you because of XYZ he still blatters on and on about how much they are in love, in reality he’s the only one in love.

By M'Karyl

January 15, 2009 9:16 AM | Link to this

IMO, it is best for couples to resolve the issues in a relationship between themselves…too many cooks in the kitchen theory…and I also believe that as with anyone, it is important to consider the source when seeking advice, etc…ppl who tend to have dysfunctional relationships tend not to be able to offer objective input…and while it may be good to have friends, etc to act as sounding boards…that is probably has far as it should go…it does help at times to have an objective ear to listen…but not to decide how to handle any issues at hand.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 9:19 AM | Link to this

The back lash of telling family/friends about what’s not going so good in your relationship is that they always throw it up in your face when they want to get back at you.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 9:23 AM | Link to this

But you have to be very careful about it though because the very same one(s) you get your advice from are the very same one(s) who want to see you miserable

laceitup, so the people you trust to confide in really just want to see you miserable? That doesn’t sound right.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 9:27 AM | Link to this

Yes Mkaryl sometimes you just need someone to listen. Not fix it but listen. But you must choose that listener carefully.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 9:28 AM | Link to this

AmazonR what doesn’t sound right to you? that fact the some people want to see you happy and some don’t? What’s so suprising about that?

By Stormy

January 15, 2009 9:31 AM | Link to this

Hello All

M’Karyl I am with you 100%.

Raqi Good points too.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 9:35 AM | Link to this

What’s so suprising about that?

laceitup, what surprising about that if you know someone wants to see you miserable, yet still confide in them. I would hope one would spend as little time around those type of people as possible.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 9:41 AM | Link to this

Ohh AmazonR* it’s good that you think that everyone who smiles in your face always has good things in store for you….WAKE UP!! that’s not always the case.

By anonymousella

January 15, 2009 9:44 AM | Link to this

Getting advice is very necessary, but you have to pick a good advisor. That’s the hard part.

Particularly in relationships that aren’t bad but aren’t great either, getting advice can help you gain some perspective.

I’ve had many a conversation where I’ve checked friends for their role in drama. And I’ve had friends who have helped me see that the B.S. I was putting up with wasn’t healthy.

No one should intervene, except maybe a therapist or clergy person if that’s your thing. But advice? Or, rather, some perspective? That’s critical.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 9:44 AM | Link to this

My friend Doc called me late one night to talk to help talk her out of making a huge mistake. I knew she had probably had an argument with her husband but I didn’t ask the details. But instead I reminded her of all the good years that they have had together. How the created to beautiful kids together and how whatever it was it’s probably not worth giving up what she has with him. I told her how their approaching 20 years gives me hope. And I rehearsed to her some of the situation unknown advice that she had given me. After about an hour she thanked me and we said good night.

When I went back to bed Mason asked me if that was Doc. I told yes but as far as he is concerned he don’t nothing about her calling. He assured me that I have his trust.

That’s brings about another issue. Know your mate and how much you can trust them before you let something that a mutual friend said slip out. He has told me things that he knows I will not repeat to my girlfriend about her s/o and I have told him things. He and I have the greatest trust between us that trumps all others.

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 9:45 AM | Link to this

Morning folks.

Healthy relationships have a great conflict resolution program in place. Ish is going to happen but how the two of you handle it is the key. Going outside the relationship is a major flag, whether it be therapy od the church. It clearly states that the tow of you are unable to resolve your problems, and they are your problems since you created them, as a unit. Also, a great conflict resolution program nullifies the topics that could be problematic. Because things are running so well it doesn’t matter about xyz.

My ex wife called her father in to talk to me at one point. I told him to leave azap. We got divorced shortly after but I prefer that to letting someone referree my relationship. Plus I wasn’t going to stop doing what I was doing.

Ared I’ve found that family (and friends) don’t forget. So true. one of my boys told us about a chick he knocked off that had a “female odor”. He wound up marrying her. I’m sitting on the podium thinking that azz smelled like swamp thing. To this day I can’t forget that. And lets not even ask why he wound up marrying that chick. SMH

siren I think that alot of times, your friends and family subconsciously want your relationship to fail because they are unhappy themselves. 100% cosign

By SexyCool - UnCut

January 15, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this

you cannot go outside of your relationship to fix what’s wrong inside of it…that would be like standing on the porch to paint the bathroom…

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this

it’s good that you think that everyone who smiles in your face always has good things in store for you….WAKE UP!! that’s not always the case.

LOL laceitup, why it gotta be all that. Of course there are people who don’t wish me well. So I limit the time I spend with those people. There’s no rule that you have to keep negative people in your life and you most certainly don’t have to confide in them. But even if someone is being phony to me, doesn’t mean I let other people influence me either.

But anywhoo…I was just commenting from my POV. No need to get huffy. ;-)

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 9:52 AM | Link to this

I’m sitting on the podium thinking that azz smelled like swamp thing. To this day I can’t forget that.

Truth…ew…and LOL. Maybe she got that situation fixed. I truly hope she did!

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 9:55 AM | Link to this

that’s what a blog is for, giving your point of view…It’s all good AmazonR…. nuff said :)

By SexyCool - UnCut

January 15, 2009 9:55 AM | Link to this

and IF you seek advice…it should be how to figure out what is wrong with what YOU’RE doing…not how to fix your mate…

your actions, responses and attitudes are the only ones you can control anyway…

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 9:57 AM | Link to this

Mase and I occasionally attend couples seminars with Doc and her husband. While a lot of it is centered around discovering new ways to get closer as a couple some of it is about couples airing their differences and concerns. Sometimes it sheds light on a matter that you may be having to hear what others are going thru and sometimes it makes you think “damn I got it even better than I imagined”.

Finding the balance is the key.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 10:00 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! You’re absolutely right, smiling faces sometimes tells lies, lies. Another song from back in the day.

Nothing wrong w/being a sounding board. More importantly to listen than offer solutions. Solutions should be made by those having the conflict.

BTW Cee, I saw your comical comment about the hoola hoop. Went home and weighed myself (a whooping 120). I believe only those under 118 can do the cheerio hoola hoop. Thank goodness I’ve surpassed that (LOL).

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 10:05 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone! You’re absolutely right, smiling faces sometimes tells lies, lies. Another song from back in the day.

Nothing wrong w/being a sounding board. More importantly to listen than offer solutions. Solutions should be made by those having the conflict.

BTW Cee, I saw your comical comment about the hoola hoop. Went home and weighed myself (a whooping 120). I believe only those under 118 can do the cheerio hoola hoop. Thank goodness I’ve surpassed that (LOL).

By kimmie

January 15, 2009 10:08 AM | Link to this

Morning Bloggers & Blogettes!

About my little vent on Tuesday - Boss admitted he f’ed up and rectified the situation even before I showed him my documentation. All is cool now.

On Topic- I totally believe in the DIY approach. I really don’t even like bringing dates around family & friends until we’ve been dating a long time(6+ months). Somebody will try to “interpret” something harmless and try to give unsolicited advice. Raqi - One of my best friends told me a while back about having the 1 confidant you can go to talk to. Her aunt gave her that advice. It’s a good thing. And yes, it’s so true folks don’t forget. My aunt brought up something that my best friend did about 15 years ago that I had forgiven and totally forgotten about.

Yes, there are always folks around that say they wish you well, but deep down you know they kinda hope mess breaks out so they’ll have something to talk about, be able to say I told you so or just have company for their own misery. You can just feel it in their body language, tone or facial expressions whenever you bring up your SO. I’ve taken to just not talking about him at all unless asked and then I’ll just say he’s fine or mention somewhere we went and change the subject.

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 10:11 AM | Link to this

Morning I like to keep my relationship issues within the relationship. It’s always easy to tell when your girl has been getting “advice” from other people. I honestly can’t say I’ve ever gotten any advice that was so good that it really changed my relationship for the better. ARed and Truth co-sign on people never forgetting.

My thing is this. I assume that EVERYone has at least one person that they will tell anything to. So, if I confide in someone and say, “this stays between me and you”, then that person probably has at least one person that they can call and say, “this stay between me and you”. Before you know it, the thing that you told the first person is really between you and the whole circle you run it. lol

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 10:12 AM | Link to this

Truth that must’ve been a smell your friend just couldn’t live without LOL

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 15, 2009 10:23 AM | Link to this

Morning All!!

Well its already been said that everyone doesnt have your best interest at heart. Also you have to consider that when you go to an outside source, depending on that source there is some bias. You are having someone work either more in your favor or your SO. I waited until the last minute to go to my folks for advice when my marriage hit its major rough spot. My father was pretty much like “do whatcha gotta do” and left it alone. My mother took it personal. It didnt take me long to realize that I couldnt share things with mom b/c she went into protective mode so she was developing this wall against ex-SO.

I have found my best friend to be the best person to talk to, when I am at my wits end and nothing else seems to work . He isnt afraid to tell it to me like it is so I get a male’s POV and some encouragement at the same time!

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 10:24 AM | Link to this

Lace actually he said he had to have a talk about her hygiene. Apparently it was an ongoing problem. I cant imagine having to have that talk with a woman.

Ared even good friends may not want you to be happy because they know they’ll lose you. Alot of times they have plenty of incentive to undermine your relationship, if nothing but the fact they’re miserable.

Early morning joke:

A hillbilly couple walks out of divorce court and the wife is crying her eyes out.

The husband says “shut up, we’re still cousins” :)

Poppa I watched another movie from bollywood last night. It was real good. The name was Faraway Bride. The star did that thing that only JLo can do where she looks so innocent and hurt. Those indians are coming up fast.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 10:25 AM | Link to this

Yeah kimmie I need that one person that will console, advise or even laugh at me when I say ‘I just want to ring that man’s neck’.

While discussing the issue with the other person in involved is the most logical solution sometimes it is impossible to do. You all have heard me talk about Mase getting into his moods. It’s impossible to talk to him about it. But that didn’t mean I had to keep it bottled up inside. I talked about it with my friend until I got used to it and realized and accepted that it’s just who he is. Now it barely fazes me. Well on the days when it is not imperative that I talk to him it barely does.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 10:30 AM | Link to this

I don’t tell my family squat, because their opinion definitely matters to me. But I do talk to my friends, just like the chicks on Sex and the City do. We’ve all had ups and downs in relationships, so we like use each other as sounding boards.

However, as we’ve gotten older, the graphic details have ceased because we date guys that stick around much longer.

I don’t mind sharing my life and story with people I trust. I don’t need advice, I will usually do what I think it best anyway. But I learn from my friends experiences (especially the bad ones!) and I hope they learn from me.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 10:31 AM | Link to this

Truth He must really love her to over look her bad hygiene. Maybe it’s something medical that is causing her to have an unpleasant ordor?

By kimmie

January 15, 2009 10:32 AM | Link to this

I remember an incident that happened with one of my college friends and an SO I had been dating awhile. This friend was in town visiting and I wanted her to me my SO. She was happily(supposedly) married with 3 of her now 5 kids. We were at my apt waiting on my SO. He shows up in his usual preppy attire, but with a pimp hat on. He came strutting in like he was at the Players Ball. He and I always had a playful banter going between us and I thought he looked hillarious and told him so. I yanked off the hat and he said “Girl you better gimma my da— hat, that’s my daddy’s hat!” We were both cracking up. I noticed the whole evening even thru dinner my friend was quiet and kinda had an attitude. Later I asked her what was wrong. She said she didn’t like the way my SO cursed at me! I’m like “when did he curse me?” She brought up when we were playing and he said da—! Surely you know we were just playing, I told her and why really did she have that attitude. She claimed she just missed her husband. But she called another mutual friend of ours and told her she did not like my SO and how he had cussed me out. Word got back to me & I told my SO. He could not stand her and said if we ever got married she would not be welcome at the wedding. That blew my mind though. She had always been the jealous type but you would think if she had a nice guy she would wish the best for me, but that was not the case. That was about 10 years ago and we have not been that close since.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 10:32 AM | Link to this

Mo my dad’s answer is always the same ‘obey the marriage’. LOL I have yet to figure out if that’s his true deep in heart answer or is it because he really admires Mason and thinks he is the greatest man on earth besides himself and I am his baby girl and he don’t want to get in the middle.

I know it’s his true belief but sometimes I wonder. LOL I will admit to having days that I wished he would have taken my side. But I love my dad because he stands at a distance on these things. He does not invite himself into his kids matters.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 10:36 AM | Link to this

even good friends may not want you to be happy because they know they’ll lose you. Alot of times they have plenty of incentive to undermine your relationship, if nothing but the fact they’re miserable.

Truth, I get that. But remember, I’ve made the choice to be happy regardless of anything or anyone else. So any advice I’m given is taken for what it is…one persons perspective. Maybe if I wasn’t secure in who I was, I’d let other people influence how I think.

Bad advice is simply bad advice, no matter the source. There is no rule that says you have to follow it.

Like I have friends who consistantly state “well, if you are feeling him, you should just sleep with him if that’s what you want to do at the time.”

Uh yeah, that advice will never work for me. There is a lot of feelings you don’t need to act on just because you feel it at the time. lol

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 10:41 AM | Link to this

Truth Have you seen the movie “Little Miss Sunshine”? The Grandpa in that movie is what I think you will be like when you get old.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 15, 2009 10:45 AM | Link to this

Raqi actually I love that my dad just ‘let it be’ in terms of my relationships. At the time though I am looking at him like “thats all you can give me” but in the end its best. He left himself outside and that’s great especially since I have a child, he will have to see ex-SO on a regular!

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 10:53 AM | Link to this

even good friends may not want you to be happy

Truth at the beginning of forming the circle of friends that I have now my friend Doc was the only one married of the five us that still do things together now. But she only joined us on rare occasions. She jokingly would say she had other matters to attend to. Her marriage obviously. But her thing was a married woman frequently amongst singles is not a good thing. As the rest of us started to form LTR’s and get married we all became closer within our circle. We are like minded. The four of us. There is one that remain and we get the most grief from her when we have to cancel out of previous plans to deal with other matters. She calls bs on everything. She carries an anti-marriage/relationship cloud over her and you can feel it even when she tries so hard to conceal it. We purposely get together omitting her because of her negative connotations and remarks.

It is better to keep company with like minded individuals to help avoid the crab syndrome.

I have notice the pattern forming with our husbands. They have become friends by association and now I hear my husband’s friend Jimmy is getting married. They done recruited him. LOL

By MELO

January 15, 2009 11:00 AM | Link to this

my sister’s babies daddies(two) all rode to the wake and graveside service in the same car baby daddies were flava flav and who???

family subconsciously want your relationship to fail because they are unhappy themselves dont seek relationship help from those in none themselves!! good point tho.

told us about a chick he knocked off that had a “female odor”. He wound up marrying her the odor was pacifying or smething??..hilarious…stooopid!!!

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 11:04 AM | Link to this

Look here Pumba I meant what I said about my family is like the mafia..don’t joke with/or about my family. I can say what I want..you on the other hand could find yourself croc bait down in south georgia somewhere.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 11:06 AM | Link to this

He left himself outside and that’s great especially since I have a child, he will have to see ex-SO on a regular! thats what most knowledgeable man do Mo (aka Moeisha),in my experience.And he will proly teach ur brother,if u have one,to do the same when faced with similar situation.

who consistantly state “well, if you are feeling him, you should just sleep with him if that’s what you want to do at the time.” but thats not bad advice,coz she simply presented 2 options for u altho the other option is latent.

By SexyCool - UnCut

January 15, 2009 11:11 AM | Link to this

Scenario…girl meets boy online…chat for the first time via IM on friday night…then a brief phone conversation where breakfast date is made for saturday morning…breakfast lasts about an hour…later that afternoon (still saturday)…he IM’s that he only wants to date her and see where this relationship should go…

My thoughts - dude is crazy, desparate or both…

Your thoughts?

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 11:13 AM | Link to this

Patty can’t say I’ve seen Little miss sunshine. What was gramps like anyway? FYI I don’t plan on having kids so being someones gramps isn’t an option.

Raqi I remember when I was at the penitentiary. There was just hundreds of cats that would get together at the drop of a hat. bowling, barbecue’s, comedy clubs. We was like a pack. Anyway, when I got into real estate most of those cats was like “why end the party”? Stay here and keep this govt job. Of course I left anyway but those dudes weren’t really for me. They’re just friends as long as you don’t rumple their feathers. The point is you don’t really know who you freinds are til you need them, and then most people won’t be there for you.

Also, my old playa potnah came by yesterday talking about getting married. He’s got a pretty cool chick that doesn’t put the press game on him. Now this cat has been up in 300+ chicks for sure, and that may be conservative. He’s tired of the games and has had a few close brushes with some diseased chicks. I can tell he’s settling down mentally but he’s still got that game in him. I cant wait to see how this turns out. This cat is off the chain but he’s been humbled by this chick. She’s a real stand up woman.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 11:17 AM | Link to this

but thats not bad advice,coz she simply presented 2 options for u altho the other option is latent.

melo, it’s bad advice for me.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 11:21 AM | Link to this

later that afternoon (still saturday)…he IM’s that he only wants to date her and see where this relationship should go…

SexyCool - My thoughts is that the girl just went on a date with melo! LOL (conversation had yesterday on the board)

My thoughts…the guy wants them to both just focus on each other w/out distractions of other people. If down the road, they arent compatable, then them move on.

But hey, online dating subscriptions have a shelf life, he’s gotta keep it moving! lol

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 11:21 AM | Link to this

Scool first of all did he display and craziness at breakfast? He could be on the up and up. Second how do you feel about him? was there any sparks when you saw him? I would give it more time to see if he’s legit with his intensions….JMO

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 11:25 AM | Link to this

Lace * Second how do you feel about him?* Roflmao

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 11:25 AM | Link to this

She brought up when we were playing and he said da—! Surely you know we were just playing, I told her and why really did she have that attitude. She claimed she just missed her husband. But she called another mutual friend of ours and told her she did not like my SO and how he had cussed me out. Word got back to me & I told my SO. See this is a prime example of ppl making a mountain out of molehill. Right off the back she got an attitude because you two were able to play like that and perhaps she couldn’t have a smidget of that w/HER SO. The tiniest of things will awaken the “green eyed monster” It’s like a shark having that first sniff of blood in the water.

I don’t advise people having more than one person they can confide in. One that truly has your back.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 11:25 AM | Link to this

Truth I know you are not having kids..but you could be like old gramps.

Dialogue from the movie..

Grandpa to 15 year old Grandson Dwayne: Are you gettin any? You can tell me. Are you gettin’ any?

Dwayne: [shakes his head no]

Grandpa: Christ! What are you? 15? My God man! You gotta be gettin’ that young stuff! The young stuff is the best stuff in the world. You see you’re jail bait, their jail bait. It’s perfect. You turn eighteen and you’re looking at three to five.

Frank to Grandpa:I take it you didn’t like it at Sunset Manor?

Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a f-ing paradise. They got pool… They got golf… Now I’m stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a f-ing sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there’s four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that’s like? Frank: You must have been very busy. Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not. Frank: Really? Grandpa: Forget about it.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 11:28 AM | Link to this

SexyCool - UnCut hw old is dude? and female.And wld u say female is very beautiful.Is the dating site a pudsy site or a real dating site?

My thoghts are any guy who goes online to find a date is crazy.I only excuse that if there is sme really bad about them that they have to seek similarly crazy and desperate females online.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 11:29 AM | Link to this

dude is crazy, desparate or both

SexyCool really? Why? Could it not be that he is looking for the one and she may have said something that got his attention? It could be that he wants to direct the necessary energy in her direction to see if she is worth the time.

However just because he said what he said he should not expect her to only date him while he gets to know her better.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 11:30 AM | Link to this

She brought up when we were playing and he said da—! Surely you know we were just playing, I told her and why really did she have that attitude. She claimed she just missed her husband. But she called another mutual friend of ours and told her she did not like my SO and how he had cussed me out. Word got back to me & I told my SO. See this is a prime example of ppl making a mountain out of molehill. Right off the back she got an attitude because you two were able to play like that and perhaps she couldn’t have a smidget of that w/HER SO. The tiniest of things will awaken the “green eyed monster” It’s like a shark having that first sniff of blood in the water.

I don’t advise people having more than one person they can confide in. One that truly has your back.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 11:31 AM | Link to this

my dad’s answer is always the same ‘obey the marriage’ and kudoa to ur dad too Raqi,real man.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 11:39 AM | Link to this

@ Truth I’m kinda slow this morning, huh? help me out here

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 11:46 AM | Link to this

Melo I thought all those sites where pudsy sites

By MELO

January 15, 2009 11:50 AM | Link to this

laceitup,yep,me too.These sites are fresh cuts sites even tho they seem to disguise them as smething diffrent.Any female on there is an easy lay…

By Sasha

January 15, 2009 11:53 AM | Link to this

Relationship advice? Hmmm, can make or break depending upon the person giving the advice. I have a few girlfriends I bouce relationship matters off from time to time but when I need serious advice, aside from a sitdown with SO, I speak to the one with the most rationale, that’s going to be objective and with the best relationship track record. For those girlfriends where their husbands or SO have cheated or the relationship tumultuous, I don’t ask. They’re too jaded and the advice would be warped before even given. Most times though, it’s best to hash or talk it out with your SO. I’ve found many times it was a matter of miscommunication.

By Cemeeli

January 15, 2009 11:54 AM | Link to this

Good day….

Prony-Algorithm???

I got the problem solver!!! Yea, cain’t nobody solve problems like MY JESUS!!!

aawww….Leggs 120 lbs sis,…You weighed yourself when you got out of the shower, hunh? just sayin’

I passed Cracker Barrel this morning and thought about the pancakes. And here, you’re talking about eating ONE pancake with a glass of milk and you full…. You must have a stomach the size of a premature lemon.

time to eat

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 11:57 AM | Link to this

Any female on there is an easy lay…

melo, simply not true.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 12:01 PM | Link to this

you took the words outta my mouth AmazonR @ Melo

I’ve done the dating site method and I didn’t give up my pudsy….You can get pudsy from a co shopper you met in Walmart

By SexyCool - UnCut

January 15, 2009 12:02 PM | Link to this

ared…*the guy wants them to both just focus on each other w/out distractions of other people. If * - but after a one hour date?

lace…first of all did he display and craziness at breakfast? He could be on the up and up. Second how do you feel about him? was there any sparks when you saw him? - no craziness - don’t feel any way about him, just met him - no real sparks, but i’m mature enough to realize that having no sparks (initially) doesn’t eliminate a person from being a great mate…besides sometimes, a slow fire is better than a flash in the pan…

melo…you’re just a nut - lol…dude is 38…and it is a paid dating site…

raqi…SexyCool really? Why? Could it not be that he is looking for the one and she may have said something that got his attention?…of course, i did…i AM attention getting…lol…it just freaked me out cause this dude made this determination after not even knowing i existed less than 24 hours earlier…

my response to him…well, it was certainly nice meeting you and you definitely seem like someone that i would like to get to know better…even if we just become friends…

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 12:02 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Folks!

On Topic cosigning the ladies that have said it’s good to have one medium for advice and most times we just want someone to listen. Also cosigning the notion that while I may have forgiven dude - others have not.

Patty now that you mention, I can see Truth as that grandpa, LOL

melo I’ve done online dating before and I don’t consider myself to be an easy lay.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 12:03 PM | Link to this

which one is really and serious? I will do a knock out challenge,with u watching so u see how long it takes me to bang…..

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 12:06 PM | Link to this

I have a relationship matter questions that you all can answer for me…

How in the heck do you get your s/o to stop eating oreo cookies in the bed?

How do you get him to stop spitting toothpaste spittle on the shower floor?

How do you get him to not roll his black boxers up in the white sheets and then complain about his drawers being discolored by the bleach?

How do you get him to think going shopping is his idea?

How do get him to stop adjusting the sleep numbers to suit him on both sides of the bed?

How do you get him to not put empty bottles back in the refrigerator…not leave open jars on the counter…not leave the bread open to get stale?

How, how, how?

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 12:11 PM | Link to this

but after a one hour date?

SexyCool, yeah. You had a convo with him then met him. Folks close deals after 1 hour all the time. I don’t think it means you guys have to get married. I do think he wants to get to know you uninterrupted. If you are dating more than one person, he’ll have to deal with you being unavailable more.

It might be a bit of a control thing or a bit of an insecurity thing. But I wouldn’t call him crazy or desperate. He sounds like a go getter. lol

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 12:13 PM | Link to this

I see what you’re saying Scool take your time and let him know where your head and heart for that matter is at. No need to say something you don’t feel to appease him.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 12:16 PM | Link to this

How do you get him to stop walking in changing the channel when you are already watching something on the television?

How do you get him to understand just because I said I didn’t need you to help fold the laundry today does not mean you can’t take it upon yourself to go ahead and do it tomorrow?

How do you get him to pick up a damn phone and dial the number himself? I understand you may not know the number but chances are it is posted somewhere?

How do you get him to not toss his keys in the vicinity of the desk and then harp about somebody moving them when they are on the floor or within two feet of said desk?

How do you get him to stop fixing stuff that doesn’t need to be fixed?

How do you get him to stop noticing every time I you buy something new? Especially when he knows he is married to a clearance shopper and she saved you money with Geico?

How do you get him to stop parking behind you when he know you will be the first to leave in the morning?

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 12:17 PM | Link to this

I will do a knock out challenge,with u watching so u see how long it takes me to bang…..

melo and that still won’t prove your point. There are easy women in real life and online.

You said “any” woman on there is an easy lay and that is simply not true. There are some that will put out quicky and there are some that won’t.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 12:21 PM | Link to this

to stop eating oreo cookies in the bed? u married a man unger than u..??

to stop spitting toothpaste spittle on the shower floor? ignore it,as long as it gets washed dwon the drain..

complain about his drawers being discolored by the bleach? being a wife dont make u the solver of all domestic issues,ignore his complaints, like u deaf.

adjusting the sleep numbers to suit him on both sides of the bed? quietly adjust ur own number….

empty bottles back in the refrigerator…not leave open jars on the counter…not leave the bread open to get stale?,its ur kitchen,not hiz so u must clean after him and re-arrange it the way u want.To balance out,let him litter the basement untill he cannot stand the stench.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 12:27 PM | Link to this

How do you get him to try Sunbeam bread? Colonial ain’t the only show in town.

How do you make sure he never notices that the last loaf of colonial bread was actually sunbeam?

How do you get him to not roll his socks together before they are washed?

How do you get him to stop claiming that cent of lose change he finds in the laundry room is not his?

How do you get him to mop his way out of the room instead of into a corner and then proudly walk his crusty arse across the wet floor leaving not so invisible footprints?

How do you get him to remember where the vacuum cleaner goes after he finish using it?

How do you get him to not wake you up just ask if you are asleep?

By MELO

January 15, 2009 12:34 PM | Link to this

any” woman on there is an easy lay for the most part…..i alwayz speak in majority terms.There are easy lays in real lyfe on the parking lot,even more online.In real lyfe,most pple,bit males and females are shy etc to display their realest,online,its a meeting place.When u there on the same space,its understood,one is coming for fresh blood,the other to draw blood…LOL.I think im understanding ur mindset tho,Tazzee too,i read u both well..

By MELO

January 15, 2009 12:36 PM | Link to this

12.06 and 12.27 means u need to DIVORCE HIM!!! Ur issues are too many.I wld need to charge u for this advice…LOL

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 12:38 PM | Link to this

How do you get him to understand Pepperidge Farm makes a darn good cookie?

How do you get him to not eat the last few spoons of your ice cream?

How do you get him to…

Stop laughing at you when you are trying to be angry?

Stop making those puppy dogs eyes when you want to chop him in the throat?

Stop pointing out your invisible top lip fuzz in the checkout line at TJMaxx and making all the people around giggle at him?

Stop sticking his finger in the double chocolate caramel brownie batter while you are mixing it?

By M'Karyl

January 15, 2009 12:39 PM | Link to this

My sister has a long standing history of having to involve the world in her relationship issues…hightide trauma…it has been this way for years…and I have always hated it…my mother seems to thrive off of the mess…imagine that…Queen of abusiveness herself…but I learned very early on that it is not my place to, nor do I desire to, become a participant in the relationship ishes of other ppl…I learned to eliminate and deal with my own…and that is enough for me…I have also learned that some ppl, like my sister, thirve off of the attention their drama gives other ppl just for the emotional attention that it can generate…way too much shyte for me…IMO, if it seems that the communication between two ppl in the relationship is so f’ed…then why should other ppl try to fix what they did not break.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 12:41 PM | Link to this

And last but not least how do you make him stay just the way he is because that’s why you are so crazy about him?

THE END.

By Raqi - Black Love Advocate

January 15, 2009 12:47 PM | Link to this

melo divorce him??? Then what will I have to complain about? LOL

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 12:48 PM | Link to this

Ladies, question for you. Which guy would you pick (if you really had a choice). Assume all three guys are attractive to you.

1) The lawyer who is 3 inches shorter than you

2) The chef who is 3 years younger than you

3) The marketing exec who has a 3 year old son

Let me know why you picked the guy that you did!

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 12:49 PM | Link to this

Raqi u need to DIVORCE HIM!!! That was my thought. Then of course you’d have a whole nother set of complaints. Thing is I cant think of any little things like that that irked me. Not saying there weren’t any but just dont give them much thought.You say you love him so give him the greatest gift of all, the gift of being who he is without you fugging with him. To think you occupy your mind with that much useless bs. What a waste. I’d rather be thinking about the plans we made than the fact her bra is hanging over the shower rail. My question: Can you really be happy with that much negative ish in your head?

Cool the real issue is your not feeling him. Sure you could grow into him but then again you could shrink to 4’11. Highly unlikely on both counts.

Patty I would have already taken my boys to get some azz so I wouldn’t have to ask that question. But it was funny.

Tazz you on a dating site? would have never guessed.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

January 15, 2009 12:52 PM | Link to this

Here you go guys…now get to hoeing! As if you weren’t already!LOL

Why gardening boosts men’s performance in the bedroom Women now have another reason to kick their partners out of the house and into the garden.

Scientists have shown that regular bouts of gentle weeding, digging and mowing can revitalize a man’s flagging sex drive.

Just 30 minutes of gardening, five days a week, is enough to reduce the risk of impotence by around 38 per cent, they found.

In Lady Chatterly’s Lover, Constance has a heated affair with the gamekeeper when her upper-class husband become impotent.

The same study showed other forms of moderate exercise, such as dancing, cycling or jogging, can also act as ‘natural Viagra’.

The findings suggest men could also get a benefit to their love lives from regular vigorous housework, window cleaning and shampooing the car.

Men who exercise even more than this can more than halve their risk of being a flop in the bedroom, researchers at the Medical University of Vienna found in their study.

One man in 10 will suffer from impotence, also known as erectile dysfunction, at some stage in their life.

Around a third of cases are thought to be linked to psychological problems - such as depression, stress or pressure at work.

However, the remaining 70 per cent are victims of some underlying physical cause such as high blood pressure or diabetes.

Some doctors believe it is an early sign of heart disease as reduced blood flow to the genitals is a sign of clogged arteries.

Although a healthy lifestyle is known to help fight impotence, doctors have been divided as to how much exercise is needed to help in the bedroom.

The new study, published in the journal European Urology, shows men do not have to be keep-fit fanatics to give their sex lives a boost.

Researchers studied 674 men aged 45 to 60 and found burning up just 1,000 calories a week through exercise had a significant impact.

This is the daily equivalent to 30 to 45 minutes of gardening, dancing for half an hour, cycling four miles in 15 minutes or jogging 1.5 miles.

Men who garden more vigorously, will burn up even more calories.

Those who burn off up to 4,000 calories a week will see their impotence risk drop by almost 52 per cent.

In a report on their findings, researchers said: ‘Erectile function can be maintained even by low, regular physical activity. Energy expenditure of as little as 1,000 kilocalories a week reduces the risk.

‘Doctors should use these findings to encourage their patients to do more physical training and adopt a healthier lifestyle.’

In the UK most people do not exercise five times a week for 30 minutes or more - the Government’s official recommendation for maximum health benefits. There are similar levels of inactivity in the US.

The level of aerobic exertion should be enough to raise the heart rate to 120 beats a minute or higher, which includes a brisk walk and swimming.

But taking a stroll and gardening is also regarded as healthy activity.

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 15, 2009 12:55 PM | Link to this

Hi All, Hi WD

I have seen many relationships tanked because there were way too many people involved in the affairs of a couple. Have you ever had a situation where outside influences actually ended your relationship?

No Shyte!!! Uhhh yes, several.

Navigating those waters of in-laws/potential in-laws/SO’s “friends” is like swimming at the Great Barrier Reef with a seal looking outfit on…it can be lethal.

The best way is to ALWAYS be polite no matter how much you want to choke someone, keep your cool and then go home and give the sharp end of your boot to the nearest cat, never tell too much, etc. Always be aware that they can cause irreparable damage, irrespective of their intent. Offer only the barest minimum of information. As the man once said, “be careful whose toes you step on today, because they might be connected to the azzz you have to kiss tomorrow”. When your relationship hits inclement weather, remember who they are going to turn to for advice and comfort. I’ve got several of those t-shirts.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 12:59 PM | Link to this

keep your cool and then go home and give the sharp end of your boot to the nearest cat - RandyT

Wow. LOL

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

January 15, 2009 1:01 PM | Link to this

even good friends may not want you to be happy because they know they’ll lose you.

I have run in to this several times. The other party may have an agenda that even they do not recognize. It happens a lot.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 1:05 PM | Link to this

1) The lawyer who is 3 inches shorter than you 2) The chef who is 3 years younger than you 3) The marketing exec who has a 3 year old son Let me know why you picked the guy that you did!Girlz,dont bother,ared’s starting off with negatives…not good.Every time she argues with him,its back tou short azz,ur young azz or ur’e a baby daddy anyway.Thats relatiosnship wont last… Find a man whose flaws u wont and dont notice,becoz u’re blinded by luv! When he cheats,only ur lonely and undateable friends will notice,u wont.Thats luv.

By Le Siren

January 15, 2009 1:08 PM | Link to this

Amazon

For me it was automatically the marketing exec. I’m tall (5’9”) and I wear heels all the time, plus I question the integrity of anyone who can defend someone they KNOW is guilty thus eliminating the lawyer. As far as the chef, I generally like men who are between 5-7 yrs older than me (31) so he’s out too!

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 1:09 PM | Link to this

Every time she argues with him,its back tou short azz,ur young azz or ur’e a baby daddy anyway.Thats relatiosnship wont last…

melo - first of all, I didn’t ask you. Second of all, everyone has “negatives” so why throw any of them in someone’s face. Lastly, it’s all hypothetical.

Lighten up dude. This isnt supposed to be brain surgery. It’s a dating blog!

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 1:14 PM | Link to this

Le Siren - Thank you for answering my fellow Amazonian sister. I forgot the wet blanket dudes like melo will jump on you for your answer for no good reason. I wish we had a women’s only day. lol

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 1:17 PM | Link to this

Raqi simple: TELL HIM!!!

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 1:18 PM | Link to this

By the way WHEN he cheats melo?! Talk about focusing on the negative. Get out of my question! lol

By MELO

January 15, 2009 1:21 PM | Link to this

everyone has “negatives” u dont have any..

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 1:21 PM | Link to this

AmRed it would be the marketing exec with the 3 year old son. Kids are not a requirement with me, but they are with most men and him already having a son is a double bonus. Being a marketing exec, I would assume he has a charming personality, with just the right amount of arrogance and most likely likes to travel.

I have no problem with the short lawyer - the son just trumps him.

As far as the chef - as much as I would love to marry G. Garvin, I know it would not be good for my waist line.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 1:23 PM | Link to this

Get out of my question u re-read it and or are still thinking about my response…im flattered!

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 1:26 PM | Link to this

The Truth yep, been on a few in my time. I actually recently considered trying it again. Honestly I don’t have the energy to sift through all the BS though - it’s hard enough when I meet a dude through more conventional ways. Sifting through it with 10 times as many dudes isn’t appealing to me right now. Although I may change my mind tomorrow, LOL

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

January 15, 2009 1:27 PM | Link to this

I’m just on a reading kick today…I came across this story in the NY Times about a Love Vaccination. I think I have already had it and just didn’t know it! LOL I’m not liking anyone right now! LOL Here’s the link:

[http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/13/science/13tier.html?_r=2]

Kimmie You put the fear of an angry woman in that boss of your’s huh?

Raqi Why would your friend want to hang around a bunch of married women. I find that I really have nothing to talk about with my married friends. If all the convos are about hubby’s and kids I’d get bored quickly. I find that the ones that are married always use the hubby/kids as an excuse for everything. My God you got married..not a labotomy! LOL That alone contributes to my anti-marriage feelings. I do not want to become this boring woman I no longer recognize…a Stepford wife. Not all women do that…but I see the woman is always the one who changes her whole persona when she goes from Miss to Mrs…why is that? Its starts with the name change and then its a complete 180. Men pretty much stay the same. So they propose one woman and marry another…the old bait and switch!

SexyCool I have had that same online experience! Yes…cut locos off at the beginning! Having been stalked a few times…it’s not a fun experience.

Melo meeting someone online is another way of meeting people. Sometimes your paths may never cross because you do not frequent the same places, or that 6 degrees of separation does not apply to you and that person. Now what is desperate is to lie about yourself (height, job, etc) known d*mn well you took that picture 10 years ago when you were slimmer and your hairline was not receeding. That car in the picture is not yours. Or the pathetic is someone who steals pictures from somebody elses profile and pretends to be them.

Raqi I am cracking up at your “complaints”! You forgot to add, “how to get him from farting under the covers and then lifting them up so the scent permeates throughout the room….and right up your nose”! LOL

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 1:27 PM | Link to this

Raqi/Truth

Thing is I cant think of any little things like that that irked me.

Agreed. I don’t sweat the little things for the most part. It is just one of the differences of how our minds work.

However, she does know that I hate her using my hairbrush filling it with long stringy hair and not cleaning it out. My hair is neither long nor stringy.

Raqi

BTW, Sunbeam is only good with hot fish and mustard (i.e. the Friday night fish fry.)

Otherwise, Sunbeam is useless. If I can’t spread peanut butter on the bread without it tearing, it is useless.

I with M on that one. Although, I don’t eat Colonial either.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 1:32 PM | Link to this

Tazzee,going online is what wld be considered the Hail Mary Pass in football.Wld u agree??

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 1:32 PM | Link to this

everyone has “negatives” u dont have any..

melo, of course I do.

And I just clicked “submit” too soon for your other question.

Tazzee, thanks for your answer as well.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 1:37 PM | Link to this

Staceye what site have u used and in ur experience,out of the responses u got,how many had lies on their profiles??

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 1:37 PM | Link to this

BTW Good Windy Thursday Afternoon!!

On topic

DIY is the way to go IMHO. No one really knows the story but the two involved. Even if I went to a buddy, he’d only get my side of the story. As we know there are usually three sides to every story. 1) her side 2) my side 3) what really happened

Even if friends are good intentioned, they usually don’t get all information to give a really appropriate answer.

In cases where people talked to me, I don’t give my opinion. I just sit and listen. Most of the time people just want to get their side out.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 1:39 PM | Link to this

Having been stalked a few times…it’s not a fun experience. stalking aint no fun either…I never imagine stalking would take so much energy. Anybody seem the Lifetime movie Smother when the wife stalked her husband that was me years ago. I never could catch the mutherlucker

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 1:40 PM | Link to this

staceye that was a good article on mens health. 90% of an erection is blood flow and if blood ain’t flowin woody aint growing. Thats probably why after a good workout I want some wild sex then a good nap. LOL To summarize we gots ta keep moving, period. When you stop moving everything stops, thats why we’re getting bigger by the day. You wanna work out with me tonight? :) You can wear those OLD biker shorts with the holes in em. The ones you only wear at home. LOL

Tazz I can’t see why a beautiful sista like you needs a dating service. I feel that gentle spirit thru your posts. I guess it just doesnt sell when the dudes are softer than you. LOL

Ared my female dog must be a sag too. She’s the nosiest chick I’ve ever met. She listens to me when I’m on the phone. I have a 2 sided fireplace and her pillow is on the other side of my office. She looks thru the glass to make sure I’m not leaving the house. I’m on lockdown. LOL

By M'Karyl

January 15, 2009 1:41 PM | Link to this

The Chef with the 3 year age difference…I love a man that can good as well or better than me…and someone who also has the palate for enjoying good cuisine…fewer worries about the hole lasting longer than the pole…lol…and if my previous experience with men who are excellent culinary masters has any merit…they usually are senuouse masters in other arts of pleasing as well…lol

By Stormy

January 15, 2009 1:46 PM | Link to this

Has anyone enrolled their child in Huntington/Sylvan?

My daughter is struggling with 8th grade math and we are going crazy. We tried tutoring but I was not that good. Any suggestions.

I met with her teachers and they think she is not applying herself. We agree, she is 14 and has tranformed from our “sweet” princess to a getting on my last nerve.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 1:46 PM | Link to this

Raqi enjoyed all of your “how do I tell him**.

Melo, you’re in no position to telling anyone to get a divorce.

Ceea little bigger than a lemon (LOL). I don’t eat a lot in one sitting, but I eat often throughout the day. Now I’m having lunch, steak, broccoli and beef stronganoff noodles (leftovers).

Now, I won’t be able to look at Little Miss Sunshine and not think of Truth.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 1:46 PM | Link to this

Are we still on relationships?

LeSiren Get off of lawyers even the guilty are entitled to a defense.

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 1:51 PM | Link to this

Lace relax. You know your therapist said your gonna need to chill or he was going to up your meds. I was just about to ask you out but never mind. LOL

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 1:52 PM | Link to this

Raqi enjoyed all of your “how do I tell him**.

Melo, you’re in no position to telling anyone to get a divorce.

Ceea little bigger than a lemon (LOL). I don’t eat a lot in one sitting, but I eat often throughout the day. Now I’m having lunch, steak, broccoli and beef stronganoff noodles (leftovers).

Now, I won’t be able to look at Little Miss Sunshine and not think of Truth.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 1:52 PM | Link to this

Stormy a few questions…

Were you the tutor or someone else?

Has she been test for a learning disability?

Or

Do you suspect it is just her shift in attitude(I am smelling myself so deal with it.)?

If you think it is the the last question..I have a few ideas for you.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 1:56 PM | Link to this

Truth - Did you just compare Sagitarrians to your b!tch? LOL

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 1:59 PM | Link to this

melo Naw, I wouldn’t consider it the hail mary pass in football. For me, it’s a lazy way to meet more folks. It’s never because I’m not meeting men, it’s just a new way to do so.

For me, I met most of the guys online while sitting under my hair dryer, LOL. Unless I go out specifically to meet men, I don’t think I’m very approachable. I don’t ‘mean mug’ but I’m very focused. For instance there are a lot of cuties at the gym, but I’m focused on my workout and my music is usually too loud to hear anyone speaking to me. I’m working on that though…

Thanks for your kind words though.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:00 PM | Link to this

Leggs I see you got that it was all tongue in cheek.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 2:01 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Truth you couldn’t handle me anyway

By MELO

January 15, 2009 2:02 PM | Link to this

Staceye,I can’t see why a beautiful sista like you needs a dating service. I feel that gentle spirit thru your posts my opinion on dating is that when u meet the want u really feel,it feels like u want to bang them right away.And if u meet a guy online,he has a house,a job and is not married and looks decent and u are stringing each other along and hes not hitting u in 2 or so weeks after professing his likeness etc for u,he is validating why he is online.He is incompetent!

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:03 PM | Link to this

Staceye you too. I knew to add the humor disclaimer but I purposely didn’t just to see. I see they missed where I said I wouldn’t have him any other way. But ya know…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

January 15, 2009 2:04 PM | Link to this

Le Siren I would date the one chef that is 3 years younger. It’s a win win…he cooks, so I don’t have to. And he is younger…much more fun. What’s the problem? LOL now teh one that is 3 inches shorter….no can do. I tried giving a short guy a chance…I just wasn’t attracted to him. He looked compact. LOL I’m sorry…tall men just turn me on! Height is like phermones..I’m drawn to it. The one wiht the 3 year old….there is too much baggage. You have none so why accept some?

Melo strange to say I met my ex on Black Planet..and he wasn’t even Black. LOL That was good experience. Now I would not join a site I had to pay for because I am not looking for anything like those folks are. I do it for fun and out of boredom! LOL I never hit a guy up..they’d hit me up.

laceitup I was too scared when I was been stalked. It makes me very aware of my surroundings even till this day.

Shut up Truth!!! LOL

Stormy Sounds like she’s got boys on the brain! is she in any extra-curricular activities?

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 2:05 PM | Link to this

Blagojevich 1 Washington 0 - Roland Burris is officially in the Senate

By DasV

January 15, 2009 2:06 PM | Link to this

good afternoon good ppl

leggs* lil miss sunshine was a funny movie. too busy to scroll and find out how theTruth factors in…. he’d be the grandfather if i had to guess. :)

theTruth even though i just insulted you behind your back can you bid on a svideo to vga cable for me on ebay?? thanks bruh

ok… heres me creating dating chaos… i been cool wit someone for a minute but we got ‘close’ around the time of my two weeks off from work in december. i got spoilt wit chatting and his company and so now that im back to work, im having wdrawals…. cause my business comes ‘fo anyone and work has me poppin.

ive resisted the urge to share this with him… but im thinking why not tell him? because telling him because it wont make a difference. it is what it is…. and our ‘relationship’ is what its gone be. it wont solidify our relationship more if i do or add more hours to a day……

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 2:07 PM | Link to this

I would date the one chef that is 3 years younger. It’s a win win…he cooks, so I don’t have to.

Staceye, I knew you and I would have the same answer for that very reason. LOL

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:13 PM | Link to this

Poppa you read the way I talk about my husband and how good he is to me and most people want to call BS on it. Because they don’t know of any truly happy couples. But on the days I actually put forth an effort to think and come up with some minor and yet stupid idiosyncrasies folks say I am complaining too much. Being too picky. Damn if you, damn if you don’t. When I get to the point where I can’t make jokes about those things then we have a problem. But yeah I see you missed my random thoughts tongue in cheek postings this time.

I will stick to advertising the Sleep Number bed.

And sunbeam is the best. LOL

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 2:14 PM | Link to this

Raqi

I knew that it was tongue-in-cheek.

However, most guys don’t remember all of that stuff.

By Stormy

January 15, 2009 2:17 PM | Link to this

Patty

No, I was not the tutor…we were paying a tutor but he was always had to reschedule/cancel.

No learning disablity.

I think she is sort of “smelling herself”, daydreaming and not being focused.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 2:18 PM | Link to this

DasV, go ahead and tell him and yes Truth would be the grandfather.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 2:19 PM | Link to this

B*****-gbvich 1 Washington 0 -

Melo strange to say I met my ex on Black Planet..and he wasn’t even Black i dont know which site u were on but men from that other pigmentation have a habit of posting profiles displaying the size of their instruments.Of all chics, u shld be the last one on there coz evry time u walk around, u know u have 12 dozen eyes looking at ur booty.And did ur ex hit and after hw long since u had met?If u are to be truthful,u proly co-erced him to go horizontal with u.Thats the problem with most of those men,if they arent on the pudsy site,they are proly on the lame/incompetent dudes/dudette site. Tazzee,u desirable even when not smiling,just make time for dudes.Dont be too smart with them,asking smart azz questions etc.Let them buy lunch/diner and just let them blurt out whatever they wanna flaunt.U will pick winners and losers easily that way.

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 2:20 PM | Link to this

Stormy I used to teach 8th grade math, and I can tell you that it’s the toughest age group to teach. Math is the LAST thing on their minds. I will say that one of the most prevalent problems that studens have with math is that they didn’t learn the fundamentals well enough. That just made every level of math that much more difficult, until some of them reached a point where they just decided they couldn’t do it at all.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:20 PM | Link to this

Oh and Poppa did you answer my question yesterday about your ring finger itching? There’s a guy that works here that likes to “harmlessly” flirt with different women and when he is standing talking to you he tends to twirl his wedding band around his finger. Several of us have noticed it. I often wonder if he married conscience is working on him. LOL

By Foots

January 15, 2009 2:21 PM | Link to this

Stormy My daughter is struggling with 8th grade math and we are going crazy. We tried tutoring but I was not that good. Any suggestions

I am actually a tutor in my spare time. And wouldn’t you know it, I am currently tutoring a child in 8th grade Algebra. Together, we have turned her failing average into an 83. My goal for her is to get an A, of course, but we’re much closer to it now that we were when we started.

If you’re interested, shoot me an email at footswalker77@yahoo.com.

Wise I’m glad I checked in today. I wasn’t feeling so well this morning and I almost stayed in bed. Good responses so far.

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 2:23 PM | Link to this

i been cool wit someone for a minute but we got ‘close’ around the time of my two weeks off from work in december. i got spoilt wit chatting and his company and so now that im back to work, im having wdrawals DasV you’ve been hit by the love bug LOL. Tell him how you feel girl, don’t be a shy chic change your name to his chick…I’ve been listening to lil’wayne too darn much

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 2:23 PM | Link to this

DasV, go ahead and tell him and yes Truth would be the grandfather.

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 2:24 PM | Link to this

Raqi

I wasn’t one of the guys that said divorce him, either. I understand that you two are happy. It is the same in my camp. I’m sure that the Mrs. could rattle off a list of her own as well.

I was just stating that it takes too much energy to even think of those things. Most guys don’t focus on those things to much. If we did, how many men do you think would propose? If we ever get a laundry list of things that we don’t like about a chick, she usually gets dismissed.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:25 PM | Link to this

Poppa neither do I but since it was a bit quiet I took the time to think of some things that relationship advice really can’t be given for. Hence the HA,HA of the topic.

I am sleepy now. That’s why I am still talking or rather typing. Trying to stay woke. When you don’t want folks to bother you they do. Today everyone that usually gets on my nerve is actually doing something.

By Le Siren

January 15, 2009 2:26 PM | Link to this

*Staceye AKA Black Mamba *

I don’t view a child as “baggage”. That’s actually insulting to those of us with kids! I also have a three year old son, so for me the marketing guy was a win win.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 2:26 PM | Link to this

M’Karyl - I’m not surprised you picked the chef either! I see a trend here…lol

By Stormy

January 15, 2009 2:29 PM | Link to this

Staceye

She was playing fast pitch softball…but we pulled her from that and got a refund on spring registation. We took the phone,laptop,PSP, TV, DVD, everything. Our dresser looks like “pawn shop.”

I went through her bookbag…she has “I love Chris Brown” scribbed all over her notebook.

Dreams She did OK the first half of the year….now she has a “F.”

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:32 PM | Link to this

I am going to sing for you all…

I actually have a really good singing but only the walls of my shower and Mason can vouch for that. But here goes…

Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful; Making love with you Is all I want to do; Loving you is more than just a dream come true; And everything that I do is out of loving you.

No one else can make me feel the colors that you bring; Stay with me while we grow old wnd we will live each day in spring time….

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 2:34 PM | Link to this

Raqi

*Oh and Poppa did you answer my question yesterday about your ring finger itching? *

Yeah, I answered it.

No, it doesn’t itch. However, she must have some kind of level three Jedi training because she always seems to either call, e-mail (hit hit my smartphone), or show up, when I spend any prolonged period with certain females.

As far as my ring, I forget that I am wearing it. The first week it itched. I was upset about that because the bands were custom from Worthmore Jewelers on Amsterdam Walk next to where Shoemakers Warehouse used to be. They weren’t cheap either so it shouldn’t have made me itch. However, after the first week, it hasn’t bothered me at all.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 2:36 PM | Link to this

Stormy I was thinking it was the later. Well of course you can take Footsy up on her offer for tutoring..but as for the smelling part you can always do what I did with my son(7th grader) I emptied out his room. Took everything but the bed and essential books(dictionary) Boxed it up and took it away—not to the attic or basement I mean away. Amazing how focused one becomes when well you don’t have stuff distracting you. Besides he didnt pay for a damn thang so it is not his stuff anyway. Oh yeah and his uncle came and beat his azz to hell wouldn’t have it. But he had a warning shot so..these things happen.

Might seem extreme but the one thing I have learn about parenting..and lawd I may sound like Truth on this but like dogs..children need consistency(sp) You can’t make threats..what good does that do? You have to say look you get A when you do B period. And stick to it. Someone mention activities outside of school…take that away. Grades up you go back to dance..You do A..you get B.

I wish you luck though you have a girl..bless your heart.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:40 PM | Link to this

Track#2

You ain’t got no kind of feeling inside

I got something that will sure ‘nuff set your stuff on fire

You refuse to put anything before your pride

I got something that will knock all your pride aside

Tell me something good, tell me that you love me, tell me something good, tell me that you like it yeah

By M'Karyl

January 15, 2009 2:41 PM | Link to this

@ARed

Skills are transferable…lol…if his cuisine can make my palate kick…well, let’s just say that the hand bone connected to the arm bone, the arm bone connected to the shoulder bone…lol…one skill can lend a hand to another.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 2:41 PM | Link to this

Yep, and that’s the same answer you gave yesterday PoppaG (LOL)!

By Wise Diva

January 15, 2009 2:42 PM | Link to this

oh yes, Foots, wonderful responses, thanks again. Hope you feel better!

I am tucking these nuggets of wisdom away, Raqi, you really should write a book, LOL. Speaking of, have you heard of the book, The Meaning of Wife?

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:44 PM | Link to this

You have to say look you get A when you do B period.

WRONG!!! You have to say look do B. Period. If I want to give you “A” I will do so but you better do B. Or else.

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 2:44 PM | Link to this

Staceye, Le Siren I have kids, so I don’t see children as baggage either. Actually, my children are treasures, but my treasures might be baggage to someone else, which is fine as long as they’re not dating me. Neither view is good or bad, we’re just no in the same place and have very different perspectives about the value of children to our lives.

By M'Karyl

January 15, 2009 2:45 PM | Link to this

@Patty

Awright now…sounds like something that my Gran would have done with her sons…lol…when they did not comply with the rules and regs…stuff just went away…lol…nothing like a little negative reinforcement to reinstill a sense of what’s up.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 2:46 PM | Link to this

Yep, and that’s the same answer you gave yesterday PoppaG (LOL)!

By I have an 8th grader whose report card sucked

January 15, 2009 2:46 PM | Link to this

Dreams I used to teach 8th grade math, and I can tell you that it’s the toughest age group to teach. Math is the LAST thing on their minds. I will say that one of the most prevalent problems that studens have with math is that they didn’t learn the fundamentals well enough. That just made every level of math that much more difficult, until some of them reached a point where they just decided they couldn’t do it at all

True

By MELO

January 15, 2009 2:48 PM | Link to this

Stormy,my daughter is 14 too and has and has had issues with math.Last yr, when she was in 8th,she also had a tutor to help her out.At that age,they start feeling the boys,the crowd around them etc.There isnt much u can do other than positive re-inforcements and daily monitoring,giving and removing priviledges just as u are doing.I remember i was proly the same when i was that age.As long as you guys are consistent in ur message,there is a point when a light bulb hits a child and they will take their mind to a higher level.The Chris Brown stuff, i wldnt worry about coz most kids are in luv with him.Its a kid thing like disney channel. Those are the joys and pains of parenting and just continue to keep the full press on her,ON!

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 2:54 PM | Link to this

Leggs

Yep, and that’s the same answer you gave yesterday PoppaG (LOL)!

Yep, because it is true. It even happened last night. I was at the gym when her soror with the big “funbags” came over to talk to me. Sure, enough, she called.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 2:55 PM | Link to this

Nah WiseDiva I haven’t heard of that one. I may need to check it out.

As far as me writing a book…if I am sane and coherent after this baby is born…

Yall don’t believe me but my husband is going to drive me crazy having this baby. He wants to name “her” (not) after his mother (not). And I am serious about that.

See we do have issues do deal with. I love the name but hell if I am going to name my child after that witch.

By Wise Diva

January 15, 2009 2:57 PM | Link to this

Every one of us have baggage, in some form or another, whether it be in the form of adorable little children or battle scars from the last relationship.

Whoever you get involved with, you will have to deal with something or someone or some situation so, hey, be the bag lady/man and check your baggage before entering the relationship gate - my analogy got away from me, but ya’ll get what I’m sayin, LOL

By Foots

January 15, 2009 2:57 PM | Link to this

Stormy I feel really sorry for teachers AND students these days. What I’ve found with my students who were not doing so well is that basically, the teacher didn’t have enough time to really explain the problems because they had to “teach to the test”. They’d mostly be like “look, just remember to do this problem this way when you see it” instead of explaining the hows and whys.

My last student had a foreign teacher and it was not only difficult to understand her, but she did most of the steps in her head instead of writing them out on the board. That led my student to think she could do that too, but the difference is that her teacher had much more experience with the problems that she did. It was tough trying to get my student to write out all of the steps of every problem she did, but she soon saw that trying to rush through and just put an answer down was her main issue. It really helps to show your work, and you may even get partial credit if you get a few steps right even if you come up with the wrong answer in the end.

From what you describe though, it sounds like your girl’s problem isn’t that she can’t learn, it’s either something personal with her or something about her teacher’s techniques aren’t translating to her.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 2:57 PM | Link to this

I love the name but hell if I am going to name my child after that witch.

Dayuuuum. LOL!!!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

January 15, 2009 2:57 PM | Link to this

Melo Thanks..but I do not need a dating service. At least online if I am not interested..I do not have to talk to a guy or listen to a guy try to tell me why I should give him number. It kind of helps weed out the ones I don’t want.

ARED * I knew you and I would have the same answer for that very reason.* Its the Sag way…we always look for what’s in it for us!

le Siren Too me, a guy with kids is baggage. I have none. Where there is a kid, there is a mother. Not to mention a lot of our planning would have to be based on the child. That woudl irritate me. I guess it’s more so with a guy dating a woman with kids because most of the time she has custody and therefore has to make sitter arrangements. Then if things get serious, the dates turn into family outings. Can you say buzzkill for the romance factor? I am not saying the child persay is baggage..just what comes with them is.

Melo * i dont know which site u were on but men from that other pigmentation have a habit of posting profiles displaying the size of their instruments* that is men in general…not of other colors. I would not date a guy who has that on his page. Oh an my ex and I were together 2 wee bit over 2 months before we had sex.

**

By DasV

January 15, 2009 2:57 PM | Link to this

laceit and leggs but why?? its not going to change anything… only complicate things further. and lace far from the ‘love bug’… my heart done already been broke… i dont do love no mo.

im feeling better already… proly just needed to vent. thanks for listening….

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 2:59 PM | Link to this

She has that tracking device embedded right behind your left earlobe, your inner righ thigh and your left ankle. It’s called LOVE!

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:04 PM | Link to this

She has that tracking device embedded right behind your left earlobe, your inner righ thigh and your left ankle. It’s called LOVE!

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 3:04 PM | Link to this

Dreams from your posts you seem like a real cool person.

Ladies, please refrain from associating my name with Little Miss Sunshine. It’s taken quite a while to develope my blog persona and this kind of talk undermines all my efforts. Now I have to skip bathing for a week to get back that macho thing. If you’d like to associate me with her or Miss Debbie Cakes or whoever please shoot me an email in PRIVATE. Thank you.

Lace i probably couldn’t lol

Das of course I’ll look for you a cord on ebay. but your going to have to pick it up late at night, with only a trench coat on.

Poppa gotta agree. When a guy gets a list half that long he’s gone. To much to think about.

Ared I guess sag’s do have alot in common with my biatchhhhh.

Folks, its a bit nippy out there. Bundle up.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 3:05 PM | Link to this

battle scars from the last relationship IF u say battle scars,they will be more impresed,dontchu think?

By Stormy

January 15, 2009 3:05 PM | Link to this

Foots

You’ve got mail.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 3:06 PM | Link to this

Poppa it usually works that way. I was sitting in the mall parking lot once waiting for a car to come out of the space and this really cutey walked by. I looked in my rear view mirror and he turned around and smiled. I parked and was getting out of my car and dude was standing right there. And then my phone rang and it was Mason asking where I was. I swear to the All Mighty that I was looking around that parking lot trying to see if he was some where near and saw me. I asked him where was he and he said at home. I told to let me call him back in one second once I got my purse and locked the car. I called the home phone and sure enough he was there.

My heart nearly jumped out of my body. First that guy just walking up on me like that and then Mase calling at that very minute.

My friend Mari was waiting inside the mall and when I told her about it she said that guy could have been a car jacker or something and that phone call same my arse.

He could have been, but lawdy that brother was fine.

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 3:06 PM | Link to this

Raqi if you would have added a disclaimer to those posts, it wouldn’t have been as funny.

melo now what makes you think I talk smart to dudes?

By Wise Diva

January 15, 2009 3:06 PM | Link to this

LOL @ Raqi, wow, seriously though, your disdain for her runs deep! I can remember it from when you were on here as “Scorned”. That’s gonna be a tough battle, yikes

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 3:07 PM | Link to this

Do you DasV I’m just giving my opinion…I still don’t think that telling him will complicate things..it might make it better…but then you’ll never know now would you?

By DasV

January 15, 2009 3:09 PM | Link to this

staceyE children arent baggage… resenting children from a failed relationship would be baggage. IMO and what comes with having children is life… the circumstances of a person’s life. it could be an aging parent… care has to be provided for them when you opt to fly out of town for the weekend… or the dogs. something has to happen wit the dogs….

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:10 PM | Link to this

DasV, I thought you said that he doesn’t know that you’re having withdrawals from him now that you’re back to work. Not sure if he knows that your work comes first. I’m saying if he doesn’t know this, then tell him so he’ll be able to understand the shift and the distance that’s about to occur and won’t be wondering if “it’s another man!”

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 3:10 PM | Link to this

Stormy Try the tutoring..be encourging..and if there is still F’s a plenty..well then so be it. Let her know how disappoint you are but hey..she has to be responsible for her own life..whatever her goal is in life ask her if they hire F’s students. Sometimes life is the best teacher.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 3:10 PM | Link to this

I think I will be ignoring melo and Truth for the rest of the day. Their post prove why. LOL. Til tomorrow fellas! LMAO.

By Le Siren

January 15, 2009 3:11 PM | Link to this

Staceye

I understand what you’re saying. I guess I just don’t put myself in the same category as most “single mothers”. I consider myself a single woman who happens to be a mother. I have the ideal situation of equal joint custody with my ex-husband, so there is never any time when my motherhood prevents me from dating and living my life to the fullest. I definitely have the best of both worlds!

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 3:11 PM | Link to this

Baggage???

My husband helps me carry mine. In fact he dropped it…I mean him off at school this morning.

He had his baggage laying in the floor one day and I tripped over it and fell in love.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:15 PM | Link to this

DasV, I thought you said that he doesn’t know that you’re having withdrawals from him now that you’re back to work. Not sure if he knows that your work comes first. I’m saying if he doesn’t know this, then tell him so he’ll be able to understand the shift and the distance that’s about to occur and won’t be wondering if “it’s another man!”

By DasV

January 15, 2009 3:19 PM | Link to this

theTruth oooohhhh two cables for the price of one… or do i have to pay you back??

laceIT i was stating my opinion too… and explained why i hold it. it was to pry into why you held yours. thanks anyway.

Leggs you right… hadnt thought about that. i wouldnt want him to think the wrong thing and that is a reason to tell whats up. and if i tell him that as the man he can take it from there… but if he asks for more.. imma feel cornered and will have to take that position all men hate….

By MELO

January 15, 2009 3:20 PM | Link to this

Tazz,now what makes you think I talk smart to dudes? I dont think u do,but i cld be wrong.

Baggage im with Staceye on this.They wld be baggage too,if i were a young and handsome dude and in a situation like her,phine,single and free.Why is it so hard to comprehend that mothers?? Feeling too attached to ur kids?!!!!

Now that i shlded u,lemme pinch and squeeze ur booty a lil Staceye

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 3:20 PM | Link to this

I can not believe I paid $180 for round trip flight to Vegas. Love it.

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 3:20 PM | Link to this

Raqi

Yeah, that could have been dangerous.

I just thought it was funny that she called when her soror was there. This particular soror of hers is one of those touchy feely people. I never take it as a flirt, though. I’ve seen her be that way with everybody. I gave the phone to her and let she and my wife talk.

I proceeded with my elliptical workout. My first one in about a month due to a sinus infection (I thought it was a bug at first). It is amazing how three weeks can affect your cardiovascular. I was huffing and puffing on a workout that normally doesn’t phase me.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:21 PM | Link to this

Hey Kimmie, any special plans for your b-day this weekend??? Isn’t it great when your special day falls on a Saturday!

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 3:23 PM | Link to this

DasV if you skurred say you skurred, LOL. Go on and tell that dude that you miss talking to him during the day…I don’t understand why that would complicate things. You aren’t proclaiming that you want to have his baby or anything like that.

Try this - if the urge to vent about it comes up again, just tell him. If it doesn’t then it was prolly just gas.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 3:24 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I know, but some folks just don’t get it. The grievances were so stupid I am surprised any one took it seriously. Especially anyone that has been reading me for any length of time. They know how I do.

LOL WiseDiva I pray God that neither of these two happen.

1) Grounds for Divorce: Naming Baby

2) Cause of death: Naming Baby

I am kidding, but not really.

By Stormy

January 15, 2009 3:24 PM | Link to this

Thanks Guys

I appreciate all of the encouragement. I am hoping that this is just “season” we are going through.

Melo

We talk to her everyday…reinforcing the values we have taught her.

Patty I have been trying the instill in her the importance of making good choices and the consequences of choices good & bad. I hope it’s sinking in.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:26 PM | Link to this

Hey Kimmie, any special plans for your b-day this weekend??? Isn’t it great when your special day falls on a Saturday!

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 3:29 PM | Link to this

DasV whatever you choose to do I wish you the best.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:30 PM | Link to this

Exactly DasV. Let him know you’re a workacoholic. If you want to make time for him, you will. Work isn’t going to cuddle w/you at night. The ball is in his court. Nothing worse than second guessing yourself because you’re clueless as to what’s going on. We always say, even you, communication is key!

By MELO

January 15, 2009 3:31 PM | Link to this

battle scarred i dont even understand why Wise wld put u ladies under the bus like that.Battle scarred

I kinda sympathize with u guys in ATLANTA.Battle scarred,in my mind conjures up some woman in getting involved in some raunchy and wild scenes. I kinda understand now,why Truth vehemently prefers a pre-arranged expiration date rent/lease program with no buy out clause.What man wants to walk around strutting and showing off proudly what they got, but with a label that says Sucker,stitched to the back of their shirt??

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 3:31 PM | Link to this

Raqi I love your 3:11!

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 3:31 PM | Link to this

The only folks I know that travel without baggage are freeloaders, fugitives and bums.

Which one do you want to end up with?

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 3:35 PM | Link to this

Exactly DasV. Let him know you’re a workacoholic. If you want to make time for him, you will. Work isn’t going to cuddle w/you at night. The ball is in his court. Nothing worse than second guessing yourself because you’re clueless as to what’s going on. We always say, even you, communication is key!

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 3:37 PM | Link to this

Raqi No it is not do B period. For example, I say to the boy..take out the trash..the boy says ok. I have official said it one time..no need to say it again the boy is not stupid. Boy lays around, scratches, fart and the trash sits. Alright comes time to watch is favorite show. Mom can I watch Mythbusters, or Ben 10 or whoever is chasing aliens this week. Nope. Why? Because I told you to take out the trash. Ohh yeah. Boy goes takes out the trash. I took out the trash now can I watch Super Aliens..nope. While I am glad you did what you were told to do..when I ask you to do something I mean for it to be done when I ask not..when you feel like it. Lesson for me..say everything one time. Lesson for the boy…do it when she says or so and not when I want to. No A..until you do B..period.

I am doing my best to cut down on the yelling cause I promise(not a threat) promise I will be on the news..”Mother kicks child into the streets in the dead of winter with only his underwear and a Breeze card.” My son got cute with me a few weeks back..told me how miserable his life was.. I said hold on..lets get you some help. Got the number told him call DFACs tell them to come pick you up. He stared at me..I told him put it this way they may take you to DFACs and me to jail but I will make bail tonight and be in my bed..where will you be? He just kept staring. I said better yet if you so miserable hit the road. I opened the door and said good luck sport. He bursted into tears..”Where am I going to go?” Don’t know but I be doggone you going to stay here and tell me how miserable you are while you eat the food I buy, wear the clothes I buy and use the utilities(sp) I pay for. I took a page out of PoppaG Mom’s book and said you see these bills..who’s name is on them. Until you see your name on a bill, you follow my rules. Then I stood there watching and waiting. Sure enough he looked at me and apologized. See what we had there was a failure to communicate but now he knows..”Don’t test my mom’s gangster..”

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 3:39 PM | Link to this

Stormy

Patty I have been trying the instill in her the importance of making good choices and the consequences of choices good & bad. I hope it’s sinking in.

Sometimes in order for kids to appreciate the rewards of good choices, they have to experience the consequences of some bad choices. It is what my Big momma called “bought sense”.

As adults, we have been there and done that. Good luck to you and her. Adolescence is tough. Dealing with all kinds of issue that you aren’t used to dealing with. We didn’t have internet and other things to get into our minds like these kids do today. We had some, but not quite like this. I’ve been on myspace once. Only once. It was sad to see what a lot of those kids put on their sites.

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 3:40 PM | Link to this

Work isn’t going to cuddle w/you at night.

Leggs every time my friend Laci starts singing the praises of her bullet without the aggravations of a man, I ask her to tell me how she loses herself every time it kisses her on the special spot on her neck. Or when she wants to waste my time trying to find consolation from her problems I ask her “you mean to tell me bullet wouldn’t even hold you?”

By Lawd help me

January 15, 2009 3:45 PM | Link to this

He wants to name “her” (not) after his mother (not). And I am serious about that.See we do have issues do deal with. I love the name but hell if I am going to name my child after that witch.

Had my child been named under such circumstances and after said MIL, the name would be Evilene

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 3:45 PM | Link to this

Truth ‘ppreciate that man.

ARed Can I complicate your question? what if the guy was a marketing exec and a good cook, but had a 3 year old and was 3 inches shorter than you?

Stormy I think you should do a combination of things. Take Foots up on her offer and implement whatever disciplinary strategies you think are necessary improve her focus. Everyone has their own ideas, but you know your child best, so do what you know will work for her.

Staceye It just all depends on how you’re defining baggage. Believe me, I’ve dated chicks whose mothers were more “baggage” than any children. I could say I refuse to date chicks who have mothers, but most would agree that’s probably overkill. In the end no one can really argue with your preference, but I would say just evaluate everyone on a case by case basis. Maybe there’s a guy with kids out there whose situation is copasetic and who blows your mind. Maybe not, but you never know if you rule him out from jump.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 3:46 PM | Link to this

PoppaG Well if they got booty pics up on their site..what does Mom have on her’s. Believe me..I was looking one day at this guy’s friend list. He had a woman on there “bent over show the world.” Other pics her with her kids at the park, her with G-Mama..but her profile..Azz up..observe.

What they see is what they will be.

By DasV

January 15, 2009 3:49 PM | Link to this

if the urge to vent about it comes up again, just tell him. If it doesn’t then it was prolly just gas love it Tazz and yea im skurred…. of blowing mens opinion of me as the sweet, submissive sort…. when necessary i can bust a nut wit the best of em. LOL

thanks laceit

leggs you right (and me)….communication is the key. and not necessarily work comes first…. family does. i do be enjoying him though… and work dont cuddle wit you at 2 in the morning when you want. hmmm. im wait to see if its gas, like what tazzee said. its been a minute… so maybe im just enamoured (sp?) wit the attention, not him per se………

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 3:50 PM | Link to this

Can I complicate your question?

Dreams, no you can not! Buzz kill. It’s just a game!

By MELO

January 15, 2009 3:51 PM | Link to this

Patty Hewes im reading ur 3.37 and feel sorry for u.I will tell u this tho,even in africa where im from,if u go to the country where the country folk grow their own corn etc,they got problems with baboons coming and eating their crops.Baboons can tell when its a woman trying to chase them away and when its a man.When its a woman,they wont leave the field unless a man comes on to intervene.So much that women folk put on men overalls,just so they can keep up with them baboons and fool them to think its a man. Its crazy! Unless u have a strong man around that house,u proly have to continue butting heads.Them young rugrats have figured u out,like the baboons.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 3:52 PM | Link to this

DreamsMaterialize,careful,shes going to cuss u out.

By Sugar

January 15, 2009 3:56 PM | Link to this

I’ve dated someone before and became very close to his family; We even stayed in touch after we broke up. But i did’nt confide in them too much.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

January 15, 2009 3:59 PM | Link to this

DasV That is why I do not have kids or a dog! I like my get up and go freedom!

le Siren Most single mother’s don’t have it as good as you. I have been around them and I see what it’s like..the want to do things but can’t. Having to sacrifice their new shoes for their kids. They seem sad. I do not want to be like that.

Shut up Melo!! LOL

Dreams I have given guys with kids a try and it always proves me right. It’s just my preference.

By Wise Diva

January 15, 2009 4:00 PM | Link to this

I ask her “you mean to tell me bullet wouldn’t even hold you?” ROTF! aww man, that’s hilarious!!

By For Real

January 15, 2009 4:01 PM | Link to this

What up blog fam!! Lets see what’s poppin.

Raqi I know I’m late but that is the perfect example of women clogging their mind with useless ish and then you wonder why we don’t like to talk to yall. Oh and you will go to hell for saying sunbeam is better.

Storm Try whopping her azz and if that doesn’t work. Tie two switches together. Then get about ten yards from her, then run as fast as you can, jump in the air with the switches cocked back as far as you can and then as you start your descent, bring that switch across her back and ask her to solve this equation. E=mc2 or try another tutor..

Truth Little Miss Sunshine is funny as hell. Good flick. The grandfather had a stash of cain too.

DasV Awww that’s so sweet of you. You don’t have to be skurred of me. I’ll stop by tonight and share some Black Cake with you. How’s 8pm?

Foots Sorry to hear you not feeling well. How about I stop by tonight and make you some soup and search for your wallet? How’s 9..ummm wait (DasV’s kinda kinky) lets make that 10pm?

2e’s You don’t have baggage? Then what’s that in your back pocket?

Raqi I hope you know Mase momma has been waiting on vessel she can use to haunt you. BOO!!!

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 4:01 PM | Link to this

ARed I know, I was trying to play the game too. Guess I took to far…damn. lol So, what can I do to get ya “Buzz” back?

By The Truth

January 15, 2009 4:02 PM | Link to this

Melo that was tight. Thing is a dude would have TOLD them what to do then tore that azz up after the first demand. Fear me or respect but do what I tell you.

I recommend popping in her class a few times next week. My mom had no problem with showing up at class and tearing up some azz if i was acting out. i had to set up a snitch relay to let me know she was coming. lol

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 4:04 PM | Link to this

melo I will kinda go along with you on that. I think it is a God given gift for the presence and voice of a man to exhibit authority. IMO it goes along with the gift of being made head. I have seen it work with my kids, with stray dogs in the yard and even when trying to talk some numbskull on the phone. When I can’t cooperation from folks on the phone I’ll hand the phone to Mase and tell him to talk to them. It is a gift that more men need to step into and rightly display.

It is not meant for demanding subservience or for dominance, it a gift of honor. When a man leads and I mean truly leads the woman and children will follow. And don’t forget the animals. He was made head of them two.

By Just a Thought

January 15, 2009 4:04 PM | Link to this

Stormy and others I usually lurk, but have kept up with the blog on and off since the original Mia herself. :-) I’m glad to see the blog is back to what it used to be.

I came out of lurking to say, sometimes kids at that age need someone they can identify with to help them over that “math barrier”. I tutored a 9th grader last year in Algebra. She was struggling not only b/c she didn’t know some fundamentals, but b/c she had already made up in her mind that she hated math. I came in from day one and said, I’m not here to make you say you love math, I’m here to make you say I KNOW HOW TO DO MATH! In school I hated math…then I got to college and became and engineer. Do I love math now..nope..but I appreciate it and know how to do it. For our community sometimes it helps to see someone who looks like them who isn’t the “nerd” stereotype (I don’t mean that in an offensive way, but most people would never guess I’m an engineer), but just a cool, laid-back person who likes to have fun, but is on their game. I identified with my student because she loved to shop and so do I..we would talk about shopping and then I would give her an example about figuring out the sales tax (x=unknown) from some other data I would give her. That’s basic algebra..that’s something she could identify with.

Consider looking at the local colleges (Spelman, Morehouse, or local NSBE chapters) for math, science or engineering majors who would be interested in tutoring. In my experience it was easier for her to identify with a 26 yo tutor who looked like her than her 50something yo teacher who like Foots said was just teaching for the test.

Good luck!

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 4:06 PM | Link to this

Melo I know damn well you are not comparing my kid to a baboon. Look here.. read slow this time.. His uncle is also involved in raising him…as well as his great-uncles, cousins, god mother, great-aunts and great-great aunts. He has to answer to not just me…but them to. And while they have soften with age when it comes to grades..they work him over. My aunt..his great-aunt came to the house switch in hand to ask him if he had lost his mind..and that this switch(which was a tree branch) was going to help him find it. His uncle lives 50 miles away told him if he had to come ever week with the belt he would be there. Play time was over. My son knows my mom’s crazy..my family will kill me. But he also knows he has people who love and support him.

By Just a Thought

January 15, 2009 4:09 PM | Link to this

Stormy and others I usually lurk, but have kept up with the blog on and off since the original Mia herself. :-) I’m glad to see the blog is back to what it used to be.

I came out of lurking to say, sometimes kids at that age need someone they can identify with to help them over that “math barrier”. I tutored a 9th grader last year in Algebra. She was struggling not only b/c she didn’t know some fundamentals, but b/c she had already made up in her mind that she hated math. I came in from day one and said, I’m not here to make you say you love math, I’m here to make you say I KNOW HOW TO DO MATH! In school I hated math…then I got to college and became and engineer. Do I love math now..nope..but I appreciate it and know how to do it. For our community sometimes it helps to see someone who looks like them who isn’t the “nerd” stereotype (I don’t mean that in an offensive way, but most people would never guess I’m an engineer), but just a cool, laid-back person who likes to have fun, but is on their game. I identified with my student because she loved to shop and so do I..we would talk about shopping and then I would give her an example about figuring out the sales tax (x=unknown) from some other data I would give her. That’s basic algebra..that’s something she could identify with.

Consider looking at the local colleges (Spelman, Morehouse, or local NSBE chapters) for math, science or engineering majors who would be interested in tutoring. In my experience it was easier for her to identify with a 26 yo tutor who looked like her than her 50something yo teacher who like Foots said was just teaching for the test.

Good luck!

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 4:09 PM | Link to this

So, what can I do to get ya “Buzz” back?

Dreams - The Crazy Chicken!

And you know you didn’t take it too far. You just know it was too complicated for my simple brain. ;-)

By Raqi

January 15, 2009 4:09 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I love my imperfect world. We all happy and shyt.

WiseDiva I likes me a man…a whole man. They can have those battery operated buzzing dizzles.

ForReal “BOO?!?!” LOL Can you say exorcist?

You all have a good evening.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

January 15, 2009 4:11 PM | Link to this

A US Air plane just taking off from LaGuardia Airport in NY went down into the Hudson River close to 57th. St. WTH? But it’s still in tact so I hope everybody is ok. Check CNN!

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 4:13 PM | Link to this

Raqi

*When I can’t cooperation from folks on the phone I’ll hand the phone to Mase and tell him to talk to them. *

Just a quick question:

Does Mase have a deep voice? It seems to command respect. I have a really deep voice. Some of my classmates call me “Barry”. (Which I didn’t get at first because my voice isn’t as deep as his) but it is pretty deep.

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 4:14 PM | Link to this

His uncle is actually planning a surpise inspection to his school sometime next week. He said let one of those teachers tell me some foolishness I am going to take him out of school beat his azz and check him back in. See we have that crazy factor going us.

Oh yeah I am sure we will bump heads again..he is going to test me..and I am going to be right there to go upside his head or show him the door.

By MELO

January 15, 2009 4:14 PM | Link to this

I know damn well you are not comparing my kid to a baboon Nope,im saying ur son has way more brain than a baboon and like the baboon,understands the basics of nature.U have to create that environment where a Man is there consistently to man-up the young boy.Its not ur son’s problem,its u problem.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 4:20 PM | Link to this

NEWS ALERT, a plane just when down leaving LaGuardia to NC. 146 in water, plane sinking. Get this, plane was ambushed by a flock of geese. Believe may have got caught in the engine. Concerned about hypothermia setting in. Rescue boats rushing to scene. Let’s pray!

By laceitup

January 15, 2009 4:22 PM | Link to this

NEWSFLASH: a bird took down a US Airways plane

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 4:23 PM | Link to this

ARed And you know you didn’t take it too far. You just know it was too complicated for my simple brain Enough with the modesty! lol Ok now what is The Crazy Chicken? A dance? Gotta know what it is so I can know if I can ACTUALLY do it. I can do most things well, but I like to know what I’m getting into.

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 4:23 PM | Link to this

Staceye Yeah, I saw that a few minutes ago. Latest report is that folks are getting off the plane. I’m flying USAirways to the inaug next week - I’m praying none of those birds come near my flight…sorry suckas!

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 4:25 PM | Link to this

Melo Tell you what…from what I have heard from you on this blog and since we are talking about advice today..I am going to consider the source on this one and move along.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 4:25 PM | Link to this

NEWS ALERT, a plane just when down leaving LaGuardia to NC. 146 in water, plane sinking. Get this, plane was ambushed by a flock of geese. Believe may have got caught in the engine. Concerned about hypothermia setting in. Rescue boats rushing to scene. Let’s pray!

By Angie

January 15, 2009 4:27 PM | Link to this

singing

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to kimmieeeeeee, happy birthday to you!

have fun saturday.

By For Real

January 15, 2009 4:27 PM | Link to this

My aunt..his great-aunt came to the house switch in hand to ask him if he had lost his mind..and that this switch(which was a tree branch) was going to help him find it. His uncle lives 50 miles away told him if he had to come ever week with the belt he would be there.

I don’t know about yall but after reading this, that scene from the movie Airplane came to mind. I can see Patty’s son sitting at the beginning of line with his 3rd cousin twice removed holding a pipe waiting his turn to beat his azz.

Had a bad day at work? Wife getting on yo last nerve? Can’t sleep because you are angry and frustrated? Well we have the solution for you!!! It’s our latest product called BEAT THE ISH OUTTA PATTY’S CHILD!! That right folks… No longer do you have suffer with stress. BEAT THE ISH OUTTA PATTY’S CHILD!!! Will solve all your problem. Dial 1-800-BEAT THE ISH OUTTA PATTY’S CHILD. First 10 callers get a complimentary lead pipe.

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 4:28 PM | Link to this

Dreams whispering El Pollo Loco…

By MELO

January 15, 2009 4:28 PM | Link to this

*Tell you what…from what I have heard * my reputation is that BIG???!!

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 4:29 PM | Link to this

Ok now what is The Crazy Chicken?

Dreams - It’s El Pollo Loco. ;-)

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 4:33 PM | Link to this

Shut Up For Real It is not that deep. He just has alot of people to answer too when he screws up. When the kids are all together the aunts ask..how are your grades..what are you doing in school. They did it when we were kids. And the phrase..I don’t know..lawd. You might as well snuggle in to hear all about how they had to pick cotton and walk 10 miles up hill all the way to get to school. Education is too valuable to throw away..and it hurts my great aunts to see some of the kids waste their opportunities.

By Angie

January 15, 2009 4:35 PM | Link to this

In those intense situations, when you need a little advice on how to deal with your significant other, wouldn’t someone close them be a great resource?

yes, it would in SOME cases, but not all. i personally wouldn’t do it again. it invites others into your business. i went to his mother once … BIG MISTAKE. let me just say that it effected my relationship with her from then on.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 4:37 PM | Link to this

I hope you know that Patty Hewes is Kym. lol

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 4:38 PM | Link to this

Angie, I too went to my exhusband’s mother for a heart to heart. I wound up hanging on her. You would have thought I slapped her. I had his relatives calling me from The Bronx, Long Island and Queens. Yep, hung up on them too!

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 4:41 PM | Link to this

Melo

my reputation is that BIG???!!

Yep. Now all you have to do is get shot a few times and you can have some street cred too.

You could be a rapper from Africa…..oh wait…that position is already filled.

By DreamsMaterialize

January 15, 2009 4:43 PM | Link to this

Tazee You know I realized it after I sent the post. Feeling a lil bit slow right now.

Ared Guess I’m the one with the simple brain huh. lol After living in Cali for two years, that should have been second nature for me. Ok I do owe you some El Pollo Loco. Hit me and let me know what your schedule is looking like. dreamsmaterialize@yahoo.com

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 4:43 PM | Link to this

Angie, I too went to my exhusband’s mother for a heart to heart. I wound up hanging on her. You would have thought I slapped her. I had his relatives calling me from The Bronx, Long Island and Queens. Yep, hung up on them too!

By Patty Hewes

January 15, 2009 4:45 PM | Link to this

Amazon I wasn’t hiding who I was I have become a huge fan of the show Damages..so today I was channeling my inner Patty Hewes..man I love Glenn Close. And she plays this part to the T. PoppaG If you ever decided to watch TV beyond House check out Damages on FX.

By AmazonRed

January 15, 2009 4:50 PM | Link to this

I wasn’t hiding who I was

Kym, I know you weren’t. The moment you started talking about your son and male influences and the “bless your heart” regarding little girls…it became quite obvious.

I could just tell not everyone responding to you could tell. lol

By MELO

January 15, 2009 4:51 PM | Link to this

You could be a rapper from Africa i know i like it on the edge,but a rapper’s life is too suicidal for me.The lyfe span of a rapper is like what..35..

By Angie

January 15, 2009 4:52 PM | Link to this

kym glenn is the devil! lol. she ain’t nothing to play with.

By Tazzee

January 15, 2009 4:52 PM | Link to this

AmRed I knew it was a regular, just didn’t know who, LOL. Especially since I was bypassing the childspeak.

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 4:53 PM | Link to this

Sybil aka Patty aka Kym

* If you ever decided to watch TV beyond House*

Whoa! Slow down! I just realized that House even existed. I hear people around the office here talking about this show call “Lost”. Although, I’ve heard of this one, I haven’t seen it.

Last night, I didn’t even turn on the TV. I put in Heather Headley and started cleaning and studying…(Things we do to keep from studying..lol)

I’ll keep Damages in mind. Glen Close is a very good actress. I did see her in the Devil Wears Prada.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 4:56 PM | Link to this

PoppaG, I started off watching Lost when it first aired I think 2 years ago. After awhile, I got lost trying to keep up. But, it is a good show.

Good night everyone!

You’re right, bullets don’t work on nights like these!

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 4:57 PM | Link to this

Melo

Senegal has a huge hip hop scene. You could live past 35 if you claim to be from there.

Akon has family there, but he is American born.

You could be the African version of “Uncle Luke” aka Luther Campbell. He raps about sex all of the time.

I see $$$$$$$$$ in your future. ..lol

j/p

Have a good night.

By Poppa Grande

January 15, 2009 5:01 PM | Link to this

Angie

kym glenn is the devil! lol. she ain’t nothing to play with.

And she can boil the heck out of a bunny.

By Leggs

January 15, 2009 5:01 PM | Link to this

PoppaG, I started off watching Lost when it first aired I think 2 years ago. After awhile, I got lost trying to keep up. But, it is a good show.

Good night everyone!

You’re right, bullets don’t work on nights like these!

By Wise Diva

January 15, 2009 5:07 PM | Link to this

Great discussion today!

Have a fantastic evening everyone! Stay warm!