Misadventures in Atlanta

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 8:35 AM | Link to this

I find men from Atlanta are cheap… Using a person for what they can do for you is WACK!!! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t there is anything wrong with going out to dinner with a dude I have no interest of having a relationship with. Sometimes people need a change of scenery and decide to hang out with a person that they wouldn’t normally kick it with.
BUT when it comes to using a person to pay bills and s*it, I think that is DEAD azz WRONG!!!!

By Dan

December 16, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

All things being equal, you can guage a relationship based on what both parties are actively contributing.

That is sex is a mutual contribution, so take that from the equation. From that point, is there the same level of care, financial input, emotional support, etc.?

If you calculate the equation from a based level and you feel your contribution is more than your partner; address the issue or leave the relationship.

@Michelle

Does this gentleman recieve his informed consent? That is do you tell him before the check comes that you’re “not that into him”?

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

Sadly there is no way to avoid being used. We live in a world where people have become selfish and heartless. People will use and walk over any and everybody to get what they want. However you can avoid being used up. And IMO the way to do that is to not invest too much emotion and intimacy into an encounter too quickly. Take your time. Take as much time as you need to get to know the suitor.

Guys a woman’s body used to be her jewel but now for many it has become her tool of manipulation and deceit.

IMO one surefire way to know that you are being used is you are giving more than you are receiving. Time, money, care…if it is steadily going out and not being returned you are being used.

By Les Siren

December 16, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

Everyone “uses” people to a certain extent. A man who dates a woman he finds attractive is “using” her to boost his ego, get sex, or possibly even further his career (some careers benefit from you having a significant other). A woman who dates a man could be “using” him to combat loneliness, get sex, or gain a sense of security (financial or emotional).

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

I am often asked by guy friends for help in recognizing when they are being used by women

LMAO…for real…..lol….lol

@michelle….at point in your post you state there is nothing wrong with spending your time with someone you have no interest in……but then its wrong for men to do the same thing….which one is it…..lol…

@les….men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love

@raqi..right on point as usual….

for men you have to control the situation…you have to set hard timetables and followup….you have to establish from day one your time is valuable and not to be wasted..and your resources…so you set the limit on what you do….if you ask her out 2 to her 1 then you have the potential to ask diva if your being used…not being used is the opposite of this..oooo and how could i forget the most important jewel for the day…guess when i say it its fugged up but raqi is on point…i have said this is so many ways all year…but ya know

Guys a woman’s body used to be her jewel but now for many it has become her tool of manipulation and deceit.

how can one man be so dayum lucky to find a woman like raqi…he needs to thank god daily for his spirit of discerment!!!!!

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 9:03 AM | Link to this

Unfortunately you have to really approach every meeting of strangers these days with the assumption of ulterior motives. You have to get to know a person. And then you still can’t be too sure about them.

There are still a few good men in the world that want to a good man to the woman he chooses as his one and only. And good women have not become extinct, we (yeah I said WE) still do exist. It just sometimes takes filtering thru a pile of misguided callous abusers to find the one for you.

I say first stop entertaining the impossible. Stay within your means, among like minded individuals and it will be a lot easier.

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All, @ Dan, Every dude I chat with knows that it takes a whole lot more than just dinner to get with me. I am really about building friendships first before getting into a “relationship”. To answer your question.. Yes they are aware WAY before we go out :)

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Rell, you must have me mistaken.. So to answer your question, it is the one I stated originally :)

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this

I am really about building friendships first before getting into a “relationship”

could you explain why this is a safer approach for women…as a man everyone i meet is not my friend and i dont view them with that potential…friendships are usually built from my POV thru shared experience of like interest..me taking you out and trying to win your attention is not a way of building a friendship!

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

REll, Sorry you feel that way BUT to each its own. Not EVERY man out there is interested in just blazing a female. Some of them have morals and want more than just a shallow encounter with a vagina… Question: You take females out to win their attention? Explain THAT to me :) This should be good!

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

@michelle..

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t there is anything wrong with going out to dinner with a dude I have no interest of having a relationship with.

Pause

BUT when it comes to using a person to pay bills and sit, I think that is DEAD azz WRONG!!!!*

i am sure you not picking up the dinner tab

By Foots

December 16, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Rell friendships are usually built from my POV thru shared experience of like interest..me taking you out and trying to win your attention is not a way of building a friendship!

This has always been a sticking point for me too. I think what is really meant by this is that you have to like the person as well as be attracted to them. Or build the relationship slowly before a commitment is made and intimacy is involved, so that the relationship is built on more than just attraction.

I know that when I meet a potential, and we go out on dates, the goal is not friendship in the classical sense, the goal is to see if we are compatible for relationship purposes. So meeting somebody “cold” off the street automatically takes on a “where can this go” vibe.

For me, the way to establish a true friendship does involve shared interest, like you met this person while at work or at a volunteer event you attend regularly, and you begin talking and sharing that way, no real initial attraction. But once that attraction enters the picture, you’re not thinking of this person as “Just a Friend” any longer.

By DreamsMaterialize

December 16, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

Wassup If you’re not into a dude and you still let him take you out, knowing he’s into you, then you’re using him. Now if he already knows you’re not into him, and he still decides to take you out, then he’s just begging to get used and deserves whatever he gets.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

@Michelle…you never answered my question..but i see you come from the school of no communication..answering a question with a question…

You take females out to win their attention? Explain THAT to me :)

I did this in my early years because it was ingrained from my early years by my mother….who told me….respect women…take them out wine and dine….give gifts….dont make baby mothers..get a wive..all that good stuff…and above all else i heard repeatly…DONT BE LIKE YOUR NO GOOD DADDY…so i had to out live that imagine…that was my goal…ffwd….started dating and found out that everyone not playing by the same rules…just because i spend out or show this women respect and a good time does not mean succes…so i learned the hard way….some men still think to this day that if i out gentleman the next man then that makes me different or better…but at the end of the day most men want the path of lest resistance when going for the women they want….so dont fool yourself into thinking that brother is any different then me….i bet if you called him up and say lets go half on a room i want you to tear this poo see up…i bet all that gentleman i am not shallow crap will fly out the window….so now after entertaining you with some real info…nows its your turn!!!

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this

Rell, I was referring to women who think it is mandatory for men to pay their bills(ie: mortgage, car note, etc).. Not a petty azz dinner tab.. What is a dinner tab anyway? Is it impossible to have dinner with a person that you are not sexually interested in and actually enjoy yourself?

By Stormy

December 16, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this

Update Morning All,

My husband and I had a heart to heart talk last night and he admitted that he is not at all comfortable with me contacting my old friend but says he went along with it because he appreciated my honesty.

I assured him that I would not contact my old friend. We shared a beautiful evening and wonderful conversation.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:39 AM | Link to this

@FOOTS….thanks for explain it….and thats the same way i view it now versus my early years….dayum there are two lucky fuggers in atlanta….your new mayne needs to do the happy dance as well….

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

Good Morning..

Raqi

We live in a world where people have become selfish and heartless.

IMO people have selfish from the beginning of time. It is not new.

Adam and Eve had the Garden of Eden to themselves, except for one tree. They didn’t want to be told what they couldn’t do. So, even they were selfish. So, if everyone comes from them, there is some selfishness in all of us.

Yes, I said “they” Adam went along with the program so he is just as guilty in my eyes.

Michelle

You kind of have a oxymoronic post.
First you say men in Atlanta are cheap. If they are just your friends why does it matter how much they spend?

In this economy, what sense does it make to ball out on a “friend”. There is a constant complaint on this board about men “leading with their wallets”, but then you say men are cheap. It just doesn’t add up. You say one thing but do another.

By lurker 2,3 or 4

December 16, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Raqi Guys a woman’s body used to be her jewel but now for many it has become her tool of manipulation and deceit I was raised this way and will never stop believing. No matter how we’re sold the times areever changing. One thing I know for certain, anytime things/people are valued and handled as such, depreciation is not a factor. I get seriously irked when a dude attempts to use me. It’s disrespectful and serioulsy insults my intelligence.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

@Michelle

If the tab for that meal is “petty”, why ain’t you coming out of pocket for it? Why aren’t you paying for events for a man(men) that you aren’t interested in?

Because it’s not the cost, it’s the principle.

You wouldn’t pay to spend time with someone you aren’t romantically interested in, yet somehow you feel it okay for that money to be spent on you?

Do you not see the contradiction?

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Thanks PG BUT I said men FROM not in FROM Atlanta are cheap.. Born and raised in Atlanta! What I typed was plain and simple.. Thanks again :)

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

My husband and I had a heart to heart talk last night and he admitted that he is not at all comfortable with me contacting my old friend but says he went along with it because he appreciated my honesty.

GOOD FOR YOU STORMY FOR COMING CLEAN…now we have to work on hubbys man up skills…like hell no…or you can pack your ish go with him since you thinking of him…lol

but good job for you guys….thats three, three lucky fuggers in atlanta!!!

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

Morning all!

Being used…hmm…

I’ve gone out with a guy I didn’t think I’d be physcially attracted to just because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t, and because I thought physcial attraction wasn’t all that important with a good azz dude. I was wrong. LOL. I think I would have used him had we kept going out.

Well, I did let the pilot take me out twice. LOL

I did remember dating a couple because I was bored. Heck, I lived in the sticks at the time, pickings were slim.

This topic just reminds me of the quote, “don’t make anyone a priority who only sees you as an option.”

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

I hear you DAN BUT I am not understanding why a person can’t go out with another with out being romantically involved?

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a first date to see if you will click with someone. I think the misuse comes when you allow it to go further and you know you have no intentions of having or attempting to have a true relationship with the person.

Men past the age of 30 should be to the point now of knowing that the first dinner, movie, outing or whatever could possibly be just petty cash entertaining. A woman owes a man nothing for an invite to an outing and he should not continue to feel used after just one date. Just like a man owes a woman nothing when she chooses to have casual sex with him. Money does not give the right to the goods of a woman just like the goods of a woman do not give her the right to your money.

Well unless you are married of course. LOL Just kidding But not really.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

@pg/dan….dont bother she is not getting it…..but i thought the same way…like huh ???????….

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

Stormy

Good for you.

I still have a feeling, though, that your friend may have wanted more than a friendship with you. But for whatever reason, decided to keep you in the friendzone instead of revealing his feelings. Now that you are taken, his window of opportunity has closed and he hasn’t put the same level of energy to continue the friendship.

If he valued the friendship itself, he would made an effort himself to keep it going. I have female friends as do my wife, but we all have had continous contact throughout. (We joked that our friends are a package deal they come with us.)They get to see how we (my wife and I) interact and all that. My wife is friends with them and I am friends with some of her pre-marital male friends.

That was all that I was trying to explain to Foots and you yesterday evening. There is a difference when you reach out to contact him. If you are meant to have the friend back in your life, you guys may reconnect in some other way like a grocery store, or some event like New Years Eve etc.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

Men past the age of 30 should be to the point now of knowing that the first dinner, movie, outing or whatever could possibly be just petty cash entertaining.

petty cash

n. A small fund of money for incidental expenses, as in an office

lol..so having said that raqi…why do some women say men are cheap when we dont roll out the red carpet on the FIRST DATE..lol

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Yall will always be like “HUH” cause sex is your main drive.. Good Luck & have fun!

By Dan

December 16, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

@Michelle

I’m not saying that you cannot socialize with someone that is just “a friend”, but don’t question his (read mine) gentleman credentials when the check comes and he’s only paying for what he ordered.

That’s my point, we can agree on a mutual place to go, kick it, participate in a common/collective activity….but you paying your own way if the activity isn’t leading to a relationship beyond friends.

That treatment is reserved for a woman that is a potential mate.

Anything else is deception.

I ain’t “dating” someone with no interest in me romantically, as I’m sure you wouldn’t. So while we hanging, like my other friends (male and female) when the server brings that check - reach for that wallet/purse or talk to the manager, cause I just got me buddy/pal

By Foots

December 16, 2008 9:59 AM | Link to this

Rell your new mayne needs to do the happy dance as well

Thanks for the pep, but ask him how he feels when he’s PO’d at me. It’s been pretty “passionate” lately between us. And by that I mean that if I didn’t have to clean up the mess and hide the body, I would have straight sliced that negro from his roota to his toota.

Yeah, sunshine and rain. But then that can turn into heatwaves and floods. At least we made it out of the weekend with all of our parts intact. LOL!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Guys a woman’s body used to be her jewel but now for many it has become her tool of manipulation and deceit it has always been this way Raqi.Nowadays,its done with more pomp,fan fare and more blink. The dating game is about selfish personal interests.If my interests dont happen to coincide with urs, I will use u for whats possible,as long as it doesnt hurt me.I may just want u for sex and i will use my money,spoil u on dates to get it,if thats the route i choose.The woman may have other intentions.This is an adult game so we all have to communicate clearly.But even when the communication is clear,there is also hide and seek.Guys and chics play undercover with their real motives and intentions.Its a landmine infested business!You just hope for the best.To michelle,if men in atlanta are cheap,then the women are gold digglish and overate themsleves waaaaaaaay too much in atlanta.There are a lot of whreooorees out there who arent wrth shyyt,but u will be mistaken,if u bump into them in the streets,dressed in their layaway clothes.A lot of kids at home and too much baby mama,child support, guns drama!!!Lots of them wmen have no substance at all.A men with good intentions will have a hard time sifting thru all that cesspool to find real quality.North Carolina twns and cities may offer better/quality places if u looking for some body quality to marry!

By Dan

December 16, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

@Rell/Raqi

Two words: Waffle House

By MELO

December 16, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

not at all comfortable thats what i thoght Stormy.Ur husband is real and if u love him,u put him ahead.Good luck in the marriage.

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Ok Dan.. I deal with real dudes that really don’t have a problem AT ALL with paying a dinner tab in full.. Whether we blazing or not.. That is what real men do not worrying if they are going to get some after the second date..

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

Here’s a hint on when you’re being used. Whenever you’re interacting with ANYONE else. It’s not a bad thing, if people don’t have a need for you then they usually just don’t talk with you.

The thing to do is get comfy with the fact that people are with you be cause they derive some type of benefit from doing so. It may be having needs met, feelings nurtured, security, loneliness, physical security or sexual gratification.

All a relationship is is an exchange of goods and services. Sure feelings are involved but without benefits, aka getting what you want, the feelings dissappear. So we all use people, some are just better at it than others.

Michelle your right and wrong. Every man does want to use you for his sexual gratification, until he gets to know you and then he realizes you’re not worth the effort of pursuit. (Not you specifically but as a concept) A cat that comes off as a gentleman has just used that TECHNIQUE to achieve his goals because they may line up with his beliefs. Try this, next time a cat is pursuing you tell him you have no intention of having sex with him and take notice of the back of his head because thats all you should see of him. The hunt is off and its time o move on for a fresh kill.

A dude that accepts the friend zone when thats not what he wants is a losr. You don’t tell me what the nature of our relatuionship is going to be, you can only tell me if you’ll participate in my vision of what it will be.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 16, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

Morning All!! I see this topic already has the blog jumping!

ARed *This topic just reminds me of the quote, “don’t make anyone a priority who only sees you as an option.” * You are so right, I thought the same thing when I read some of the responses.

I’ll sit back and lurk for a while, tis should be good.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Amazon I feel you. Once I figure out for myself that I don’t see it going anywhere, the contact stops. Usually, they still want to go out, because some men believe that you’re offering a challenge and that they can make you change your mind. But I’ll tell them point blank that if I continued to go out like that, it would be wrong and that they should spend their time with someone who feels the same way about him as he does about her. There’s no way to really argue with that.

Poppa If he valued the friendship itself, he would made an effort himself to keep it going. I have female friends as do my wife, but we all have had continous contact throughout.

I see what you’re saying now. But I do have a question. With social networking taking off like it has, how would you handle it if an old friend/classmate (like HS boyfriend) found and contacted your wife via MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc? Would you be okay with her having fun reliving old times and reconnecting like that or would you feel uncomfortable with it because the friendship hadn’t been sustained?

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

@Michelle..no follow on post to you involved sex or mention the word..you keep bringing that up

not to michelle…sharks can smell blood…so why you keep harping on sex thats a clear sign of a problem or hangup you have with sex that a “player” can use…you know turn that thumbscrew..sex is yours..so it reads like you love the act but just hate you want it so much…be careful

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Michelle

Your argument is still contradictory. If they are friends, why evaluate them financially as if they were romantic interest.

It seems as if you are indecisive whether they are your friend or a romantic interest.

For example, I hang at Taco Mac, Outback, etc. with my friends. They still have to pay their own way most of the time.

Whereas with my romantic interest (in case my wife), we will hang at Oceanaire, Fogo de Chao, etc, and I will take care of the bill.

There is a difference. I love my boyz, but we ain’t hanging a Oceanaire for the heck of it. When I asked my boy to be my best man, we were chilling at Fogo. There was a purpose to that. It was the least that I could do, since I knew he would take care of the things that a best man has to do.

But I don’t call him on a Saturday to do hang at Fogo to watch the scheduled college football game.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

Poppa And I meant to add, what if you were searching for old classmates and found a girl you were great friends with in college, but you left school and went separate ways? Would it be disrepectful to your wife if you were to initiate contact with her?

I ask because I this has happened with me, and I reply and initiate contact with no thought of disrespect and I was wondering if I was wrong for doing so. (No hanging out or anything like that, just catching up. I basically only talk on the phone with male friends anyway, no alone time involved.)

By Dan

December 16, 2008 10:15 AM | Link to this

@Michelle

Have I mentioned sex?

And the “real men” you speak of are taking you out with no regard to a relationship (read: more than sex), then they are “real” dumb.

What I’m saying is that the investment of time and dollars into something that doesn’t provide the return that I desire, is a watse of those resources.

I’m a conservationist

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

Rell because you are obviously with the wrong women.

And by petty cash entertaining I mean do go breaking the bank for what could possibly be or not. Investing too much expectation into one date is basing the future of your whole “company” on one potential buyer.

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Whatup Melo!! Continue speaking the TRUTH!! Love it

By IslandGirl

December 16, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Hello Blog Family,

Long time no blog. I just wanted to stop in and wish everyone the best for the Holidays. I pray everyone feels blessed to be among the living and for having good health (if not then pray for healing), blessed to have peace in your homes and hearts, and blessed to be loved.

Hope to catch up with you guys in 2009. Work is busy and that is a blessing.

Peace.

IslandGirl

By Stormy

December 16, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

Rell

Man, you are firing on all cylinders today.

Come over here and let me whisk this sage smoke on your aura, does wonders for the spirit. LOL

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Dan your comments today just amazes me as to how much expectation men are still putting into paying for a first date.

If you invite someone out you should pay. If you feel differently then it is your duty to let her know upfront that if by the end of the date she isn’t feeling you then she have to pay for her own dinner or whatever.

I guarantee you will not be getting any real dates if you do that. Even a woman that is into you will probably pass you up with some nonsense like that.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Rell because you are obviously with the wrong women

where did that come from raqi???

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 10:26 AM | Link to this

Once I figure out for myself that I don’t see it going anywhere, the contact stops. Usually, they still want to go out, because some men believe that you’re offering a challenge and that they can make you change your mind.

Foots, most definitely. It’s not always easy either, but it keeps the drama out of your life.

I ran into the pilot months later at Old School Saturdays and we didn’t speak. He did send me a text the next day. I didn’t even respond. No need to open that can of worms.

By the way, I did get that email. I finished last night so we can definitely take some classes to keep the skillz up!

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

Thank you Raqi!!!!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

A man will pay for a date or 2 and even more,if they see the potential.Not just for the hang of it.Most women,by the second to third date,they already know if they wanna be with this guy coz they are also talking on the phone, between dates. But i can see what u mean Michelle when u complain about atlanta men.Atlanta women cant even cook,all they think about is restaurant food.And they get there,they dont even have class about it.Most wont even offer to contribute the tip.No wonder the guys dont wanna be taken for a ride.Who wants to be a food bank to a classlesss chic whose sexx proly sucks?

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Michelle part deux I deal with real dudes that really don’t have a problem AT ALL with paying a dinner tab in full.. Whether we blazing or not.. That is what real men do not worrying if they are going to get some after the second date.. All dudes have an issue with taking you out. A dude that has money does so because he has some type of business mind about himself. His formula is to figure out how much to put into you before throwing in the towel. For most chicks a meal is stretching it.

You say real men as in the old days but you aren’t real women as in the old term. In the old days men didn’t have to deal with women that had been used up for 10-30 years then try to come off all fresh and clean. Women cared more about themselves in those days and were more marriage material. Until the last 30 years or so most women had viable options IF she wanted to get married. Now there are chicks that couldn’t get married if they had gold tied to them. You are amongst the first generation to be unmarrieble in the history of the world. LOL

So don’t try to kick it to us like you ladies have upheld the standards and the fellas have dropped off. And with that light flashing a dude is a fool for paying for your meal when the next cat is knocking you off. We’ve determined the standards have dropped so why am I paying full price?

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Foots

*With social networking taking off like it has, how would you handle it if an old friend/classmate (like HS boyfriend) found and contacted your wife via MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc? *

I have had no problem. This has happened. In all of the cases, the dudes have stepped to me and talk to me as well and introduced themselves as well.

I will repeat…..Respect is what men want most. That was my point. If if “manned up” and put a ring on it, there should be respect shown for doing that. I made my intentions known, I didn’t string her along, and I made her first female in my life aka my very own Michelle Obama. I expect to be her Barack.

Basic underlying thought: Both my wife and the dude must show me some respect and I will do the same to him. This goes in the other direction. Respect the marriage.

Foots: In your case, you aren’t married. So it is different.

By Willie Dynamite

December 16, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Morning All,

Fellas I appreciate you trying to enlighten the lost but me thinks she just doesnt get it. Apparently in her world its ok to have temporary sponsors (like we all standing in line waiting our turn to take her out for a pat on the back). What I dont get is the varying degrees she uses. Its ok for dinner ($75-100 depending on the spot) but not for say a phone bill. What gives? Sounds like shes already put a price on it and justified it in her mind. No changing that so good luck. One thing I’ve learned on this blog about the blog-ladies is when a chick is right they amen and co-sign. But when a chick is wrong just crickets.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

If you invite someone out you should pay. If you feel differently then it is your duty to let her know upfront that if by the end of the date she isn’t feeling you then she have to pay for her own dinner or whatever.

I guarantee you will not be getting any real dates if you do that. Even a woman that is into you will probably pass you up with some nonsense like that.

Please get that said Raqi. You’ve been breaking it down quite well lately!

By Angie

December 16, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

Going out on a date with someone you have absolutely no physical attraction to because you are bored?

omg! i’ve been trying to tell folks …

they would say just go and have fun!

i always felt like i’m leading him on, teasing him or using him. this is bad. i’d rather stay home.

hey islandgirl.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

I’m not talking about simply a first “date”, what I’m speaking on is the continuation of that process. Dates 2,3, and on…

A first date is more of a “meet and greet”, I recognize that. But what I was responding to was my interpretation that Michelle is actively “dating” guys that she has no interest in on dates 2,3, and on…

Come on, Rock! Expectations on a first date? Only:

that in conversation, you’re as bright and engaging as when I stepped to get the number;

that the frame that I saw in the dimly lit club is not topped with a Kenyan Spirit Mask;

that the picture from email, matches the real life version;

that your friend wasn’t lying.

Those are my only expectations.

By Michelle

December 16, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

PG, It is absolutely HILARIOUS that you could draw such a conclusion from a few comments! LMAO!! Thanks for the great laugh and happy holidays!

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

@WD..yep i am done with that convo….what else can we talk about i knoow

All of us today are kings protecting the tiny realm of our own lives, weighed down by all kinds of responsibilities, surrounded by ministers and advisers. A wall forms around us—we are immune to the influence of other people, because we are so preoccupied Like Hsi Shih, then, you must lure your targets away, gently, slowly, from the affairs that fill their mind. And what will best lure them from their castles is the whiff of the exotic. Offer something unfamiliar that will fascinate them and hold their attention. Be different in your manners and appearance, and slowly envelop them in this different world of yours. Keep your targets off balance with coquettish changes of mood. Do not worry that the disruption you represent is mak¬ ing them emotional—that is a sign of their growing weakness. Most people are ambivalent: on the one hand they feel comforted by their habits and duties, on the other they are bored, and ripe for anything that seems exotic, that seems to come from somewhere else. They may struggle or have doubts, but exotic pleasures are irresistible. The more you can get them

into your world, the weaker they become. As with the king of Wu, by the time they realize what has happened, it is too late.

By Been Thru It All

December 16, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

@Truth preach son….

By Foots

December 16, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

Poppa In all of the cases, the dudes have stepped to me and talk to me as well and introduced themselves as well.

I was assuming that these are people you didn’t know before they found her again online. So, she told you about them and you actually emailed them yourself or they emailed you to meet you?

And again, people are finding me all the time. Marriage or no marriage, a man would feel the same disrespect if any was involved. So to avoid that, should I ask my newly rediscovered friends to email my boyfriend to introduce themselves, or should I arrange the email introduction myself?

By Been Thru It All

December 16, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

@Truth preach son….

By Stormy

December 16, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

Dan

I kinda see why you are still single.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Men want sex from us. Period. Some of them learn to appreciate all the other stuff we have to offer, but initially their interest is sex. Live with it women. After 8 years of getting to know me my husband wants sex. I can be his all and his everything, but without sex I am nothing to him. Men do not have the emotional capacity of women. They can’t be all lovie dovie with us like we can be with them and sex not be on the brain. And I was told that straight from the mouth of a man. If they have female friends they keep them at a far distance.

Don’t get me wrong, I do know that friendship can form thru work relationship and such, but I have yet to meet the stranger of a man that walked up to me and said I want to be your friend and nothing else. Just friends. Ain’t had it happen yet.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Rell men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love So very true. I have been guilty of it. Sad to say at the moment it happened I did to realize that I was doing it. It dawned on me after the fact. It woke me up!

Stormy its great that you were honest about iy because that could have ended very badly!

Dan You wouldn’t pay to spend time with someone you aren’t romantically interested in That is not true. Sometimes I like a guys company because he is cool. I do nto have to have romantic feelings for him. If I want to see a play and I invite him…then I am picking up the tab because I invited him. But I would only invite him if I think he’d like it. It depends on our similar interests.

By DreamsMaterialize

December 16, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Raqi There is SOME expectation from both parties on a first date, otherwise there wouldn’t even be a first “date”. I agree that if you invite someone out, then you should pay. That argument almost always works in a woman’s favor because traditionally it’s the guy who always does the asking. Even when it’s the woman who’s interested, she can avoid technically asking by employing certain passive aggressive measures to get the man to ask her instead. If I read Dan right, I think he’s just saying that if there’s REALLY no expectation on the first date (or later outings), then why doesn’t the chick foot her own bill?

Also, I guarantee you will not be getting any real dates if you do that. Even a woman that is into you will probably pass you up with some nonsense like that. Not necessarily true. It’s so easy to apply all the standards when you’re not really into someone, but I’ve seen the stardards get tossed countless times when a chick is really feelin a cat. I’ve even been given a “pass” a few times.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

One thing I’ve learned on this blog about the blog-ladies is when a chick is right they amen and co-sign. But when a chick is wrong just crickets.

so not true.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Michelle

You are the one that put the price tag on it. Cheap-relates to price or monetary worth. A Kia is a cheap care as opposed to a Mercedes. Taco Mac is cheap as opposed to Chops.

I guess that it is because I am one of those native Atlantans. I know for a fact that I ain’t cheap. I just like to open the wallet for quality. Not just because I can.

It also probably comes from my NFL days. Those female that assumed that I would just open the wallet for them just because I had it. Wasn’t happening. Once I knew that I was dealing with quality, then I was willing to invest more money to my time.

I remember taking my then girlfriend (now wife) to the Imerial Fez when she turned 30. It was a wonderful evening. After that, we went to Loca Luna for some salsa and meregue dancing.

Our first date: Original Pancake house on Cheshire Bridge Road. Not much coin spent. Once we realized that we were dealing with quality, there was no problem with adding more money to the time that I was investing.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Yikes, I’ve seen some real zingers hit the fellas today. Ouch.

I can be his all and his everything, but without sex I am nothing to him. Men do not have the emotional capacity of women.

Raqi, I wouldn’t say “nothing.” Don’t some marriages survive if the wife gets injured and can’t perform anymore? Granted, I don’t know any personally, but I hear stories. LOL.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Morning all…

I think we live in a very selfish society now and it is really sad, because usually, the one who is being selfish eventually looses out in the long run.

People should not be taken for granted, nor used for personal gain.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

but I have yet to meet the stranger of a man that walked up to me and said I want to be your friend and nothing else. Just friends tell them…..but im sure it will happen to one of these chics,one day.What he says wont be true tho.His intentions will be,once he has sold his program to her,in a subtle way,she will come on board to share those juicy figs.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Thank you Dreams… my point exactly.

@Staceye

I’ve had lady friends (wish I could underline that one) take me place they thought I’d like, and if they paid admission, I paid for parking, dinner after - whatever. And it was all for the enjoyment of company.

Not saying it can’t be done, but that ain’t what Michelle was talking about.

@Auntie

I don’t “date” to date. I’m not wasting that kinda time (precious little that I have of it) on someone not on the same wavelength.

Consequentlt, if I’m out with a female after the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date and I don’t feel a vibe for further companionship, why continue the farce?

Let her go her way, and I go mine so we can each find our own happiness?

By Angie

December 16, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

raqi i don’t agree with your 10:47. a lot of older mature men don’t flee if the sex fizzles and things go south.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

“Longtime Lurker, are u out there looking out for other people’s interests except your own?

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

longtime people have always been selfish. The only difference is now we see our own examples and those of others. The guy in the cubicle next to you would do who knows what to you if he thought he could get away with it. It’s a sharktank and some folks are getting eaten up.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

Morning Folks!

Wow - every time I think I want to comment Raqi comes with another one.

As far as being used - sure, it’s happened to me before. I’ve tried it myself. Dated a guy for a while - realized he wasn’t for me, but he wanted to keep seeing me. So I decided that we could hang out because he was good arm candy. That didn’t last very long because my conscience wouldn’t let me.

“Unfortunately you have to really approach every meeting of strangers these days with the assumption of ulterior motives. You have to get to know a person. And then you still can’t be too sure about them.”

Raqi I definitely agree with the second part of that, but for some reason I can’t shake my naivete when meeting folks. I guess I just want to believe the best about folks. When I went to homecoming in October this guy I met my freshman year basically said ‘Taz, you’re still too trusting of folks. You shouldn’t believe what people tell you.’

Rell I’ve always said that guys shouldn’t break the bank on the first date. I remember having an exchange with a guy on this very blog about that some years back. I expect a guy to pay on the first date, but I’m fine with going to Applebees for appetizers (that’s where I went on my last ‘first date’) I think a relationship should work it’s way up to the fancy restaurants.

That’s like getting a Benz when you first graduate from college - what do you have to progress to?

Truth *Here’s a hint on when you’re being used. Whenever you’re interacting with ANYONE else. It’s not a bad thing, if people don’t have a need for you then they usually just don’t talk with you.

The thing to do is get comfy with the fact that people are with you be cause they derive some type of benefit from doing so.*

I agree wholeheartedly.

By DreamsMaterialize

December 16, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Staceye If I want to see a play and I invite him…then I am picking up the tab because I invited him. That’s real, and any guy would appreciate that. Unfortunately, what sometimes happens is that the chick invites the guy to the play because she’s really the one who wants to see it, and she still tries to get him to pay for it.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Foots

I’m talking about the real close friends like the one that Stormy has. You know the burger sharing friends. Those are the one that we are more likely to actually go through the trouble to meet up with again and hang. Those are the people that you consider special. Those are the people that stepped to me. Her friends that she spent tons of time with and were really important to her.

Not, just those people that sat in Psych 101 the North PJ (for you UGA folks) auditorium that you were cool with. Those are really just acquaintances that you are cool with. If you guys meet up, you meet up. If not, the world will keep spinning.

Facebook, Myspace, BUGA (once again for you UGA folk) are just ways to keep in touch. But in most cases, the people that we “friend” on those sites are gonna keep living their lives as they were before finding you on said site. They just have a pen pal that is an old friend that they hung with to get that Pizza from Snelling dining hall or that rice concoction from O-House.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

@pg….standing O on that one player….

By Angie

December 16, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

if i meant nothing to him w/o sex, why marry the azzhole?!?

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Dreams Yes there are expectations of what could be but nothing is promised. Just because you didn’t get what you expected why must the tables suddenly turn to although I asked you out you have to foot your own bill since you are not feeling me. And Dan made it out to seem as if he was speaking from a first date stance.

Now on the other hand to find yourself on date number 4 or 5 with a person who is not feeling you…you played yourself. From my experiences at the end of the date or the conversations between the dates you can pretty much tell how a person is receiving you. Especially on date 4,5 or 6.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Raqi I can be his all and his everything, but without sex I am nothing to him.

I realize that men are driven by sex, but you don’t trust that he will stay with you if you are disabled or chronically ill and can’t have sex (oral included)? If the “worse” part happens of the “for better or worse” vow, you think you’d mean nothing to him if you can’t get him off?

By MELO

December 16, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

but I hear stories u said it well ared.Stories! I used to wonder about that movie star,Reeves,who had a spinal cord injury for a cple of years and had a bomb diggity wife.How did she cope??Well,we never had to find out coz she died a year later too.But i know i wld get some on the side.(im only telling the blog that)LOL I wldnt be naive to think she aint getting some if it were me who is ill.I may not ask her tho,in order not to upset her and so she continues looking after me.But knowing me,i will die quickly,compounded by it.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Amazon not being able to perform due to illness or physical restraints is not the same. And I would suppose a grown man be able separate and deal with the difference.

I am talking about what I have been told by two men that I know personally. Men do not keep woman around in close personal settings just because.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Poppa Oh okay, you were talking about something different. My question was specifically about the Facebook/MySpace “oh, I can’t believe we found each other” connection and if the friendship would be disrespectful because it wasn’t continuous.

My SO can meet anyone I come in contact with, whether we talk every day or we haven’t talked in ten years and just happened to reconnect last week. I guess that’s why I never brought disrespect into the equation before, since I don’t hang out with men friends like that and since all of my friendships are accessible to him, current or past.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

Tazzie

*you’re still too trusting of folks. You shouldn’t believe what people tell you. *

I’ve said similar things to my wife. I really only trust most adult human as far as I can throw a MARTA bus. I know that selfishness has been from the beginning of time. There are examples of it in the Bible from Genesis to Revelations.

It just so happens that today, we have CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, Fox News, MSNBC, CNN Headline news, Brenda Wood, Monica Pearson, Amanda Davis, and all of the internet sources, to constantly remind us about the evil that lurks in humans.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this

But i know i wld get some on the side.(im only telling the blog that)

We know, melo. You weren’t disabled when you got some on the side before!

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone!

Very interesting topic and you guys are on fire. Rell, you’re shooting from both hips this morning.

Stormy, you did the right thing by having that heart to heart. Communication will always keep doubt sitting in the corner sucking its thumb.

Yes, we all hate to be used, but it’s a part of life. My biggest annoying trait is (1) a blatant disrespect of time!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

u mean,she wasnt?? when ared??

By Dan

December 16, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

For the 11:13, you might wanna take what those men say at face value, and not ascribe that to “all” of us.

If I’m married, I take “til death parts us” seriously. I’ll marry the woman I love,like, and trust.

^^No where in there is sex.

It’s a part of a relationship, no doubt, but there a difference in being “unable to perform” and unwilling.

By DreamsMaterialize

December 16, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Raqi Nothing is ever promised. If I ask, I pay, no problem. But there’s no sense in investing further if you already know it’s not going anywhere. Might as well both be grown-ups and move on. Anything else is a waste of our time.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Raqi I am talking about what I have been told by two men that I know personally. Men do not keep woman around in close personal settings just because.

Maybe not some girl they are dating, but their wife?? As Truth alluded to earlier, people are around you because they meet some need you have. And I agree. I just hope that if there is ever a time that I can’t perform sexually, that I meet a need for my man in some other way (like love, caring, respect, support) so that he won’t vacate. Hopefully, you supply other needs for your husband as well. I personally don’t think you’d mean nothing to him if you couldn’t put out, but you know him best.

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

I see the fellas are taking it easy on this trick chick michelle. Slim, run that BS about how “a real man has no problem picking up the tab, blah blah…,” to your ain’t-got-a-man girlfriends. That’s your audience.

You never did answer the question about if yoll are just hanging, then why don’t you pick up the tab sometimes.

And Diva, I ain’t hardly gon’ give up no tips to these broads about spotting a dude on the cat patrol; but I will drop a few tips for the young brothers that might be reading this (…’cause I know my stand-up reg’la dudes already know.)

Fellas set the standard up-front (‘cause up front is where it starts):

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

Raqi your 10:47 is something I’ve come to realize recently. I’m not mad about it - it’s just how things are.

Island Girl Hey Lady - Happy Holidays to you too.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this

Amazon not being able to perform due to illness or physical restraints is not the same. And I would suppose a grown man be able separate and deal with the difference.

Raqi, I guess the point everyone is jumping on was the “meaning nothing” part. I agree that being unable to have sex is different then simply withholding. However, most women want to please their men, especially in the sack, so if they arn’t doing it, something is wrong. Even still, I’d hope the relationship would mean more than “nothing” w/out the sexual aspect.

melo, if you’ve always been faithful to your wife, my apologies. I didn’t get that sense from you.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Angie while they learn to appreciate all the other stuff we have to offer, sex is their motivator. It’s a man’s nature since the beginning of time. We cannot change that.

I don’t know of any healthy man that will maintain a relationship with a healthy woman and sex not be a vital condition. Even those practicing celibacy enter into relationship mindful of what’s to come. Marriage and with marriage comes sex. It’s the natural way.

And yes people illness can change things but I am not talking about that.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

@Melo On your 11:02, I treat people the way I want to be treated, always!

Raqi On your initiate a date formula, I notice that more often women initiate the date, but the man usually ends up paying.

Based on your 10:25 and this comment If you invite someone out you should pay. Shouldn’t more women step up to the plate and pay if they initiate??

By Foots

December 16, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

Dan For the 11:13, you might wanna take what those men say at face value, and not ascribe that to “all” of us. If I’m married, I take “til death parts us” seriously. I’ll marry the woman I love,like, and trust.

I feel the same way.

Hey, I had a dream about you and Amazon last night!! I just remembered. In the dream, my family was getting ready to have Thanksgiving dinner at this resort on the beach, at the base of this beautiful pink granite cliff. You both came together. I stayed asleep another 30 minutes to get closer to the end. I was having too much fun to wake up fully.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

raqi i doubt very much that mase thinks that about you. all of the stories you blastered on this blog about him. he doesn’t read like you just stated.

and to h3ll with him if he does. but i truly doubt it.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

If you gotta call a broad 3 times consecutively before she calls you, get on down the line i agree.Unless she’s a hooker,she’s in a lot of demand,but u need one that nite!!

By Willie Dynamite

December 16, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

Footsy That accessibility in your relationship will suit you very well. Its not a good thing if/when we Men have to try and figure out things like that. Remember we are simple creatures.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

if you’ve always been faithful to your wife no problem ared.Phew,u scared me…i was beginning to think u know i phlucked smebody from the blog.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

@Melo On your 11:02, I treat people the way I want to be treated, always!

Raqi On your initiate a date formula, I notice that more often women initiate the date, but the man usually ends up paying.

Based on your 10:25 and this comment If you invite someone out you should pay. Shouldn’t more women step up to the plate and pay if they initiate??

By Les Siren

December 16, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Blue

On date #1 - Tell that chick to pick up the tip. When she looks at you sideways, split the muthafukkin’ check, she’s trying to carry you.

Now, while I agree that if I invite a man out on a date, I should offer to pay, I DO NOT think that a man should ask a woman to pay for anything on a first date! Doing so is just rude and not becoming of a gentleman. Even though I would have no problem at all leaving the tip, to have a man ask me to do so would be a HUGE turnoff! Let me make that offer…

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Raqi

I much as I’d hate to admit it, that 10:47 is pretty much correct. That was my underlying thought behind Stormy’s friend. To her it was innocent, but the the friend, it could mean something else.

You can’t put a female train of thought to a man’s actions. (and vice versa). It is useless and counter productive.

As Steve Harvey says….”We(men) don’t think like y’all”.

However, I will say that there is a difference between my wife being “unable to perform” and her being “unwilling” to perform.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

Tell that chick to pick up the tip. When she looks at you sideways, split the muthafukkin’ check, she’s trying to carry you.

BK, how come you guys can’t understand that these kind of requests are COMPLETELY foreign to us women sometimes. You ask me that, and don’t worry, I’ll pay my whole half! Cuz the last thing I’m trying to do is have him carry me, but I also do not want to spend a moment with such an uncouth gentleman.

And speaking of sideways…Foots, I’m giving you the side eye and gas face right now!

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

Raqi while they learn to appreciate all the other stuff we have to offer, sex is their motivator. It’s a man’s nature since the beginning of time.

Too many women run to the edge of the cliff and jump off, with this statement. Yoll’s pu$$y really ain’t e’rything.

Believe me when I tell you that if a dude is really diggin’ you, he ain’t worried about’cho pu$$y like that. You are re-categorized, and other stunt-c** are brought in until you’re ripe enough to pick. Feel me?

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Yes Amazon you all totally took what I said out of context.

Let me say it a little more plainly, Sex seals the deal with men. I can be the best friend he has, listen to his problems, do his laundry, clean his house and walk his dog. But it’s not a relationship deal until I give him sex. Regularly.

Am I wrong men? Before you all answer remember I have read you all’s comments on here.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

@lurker

I’ve been asked out on dates, and paid the bill when it came.

That’s becuase I was feeling the women.

As far as in the context of reciprocity, that where me an Michelle is getting crossed up maybe becuase she has yet to answer the question

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

was beginning to think u know i phlucked smebody from the blog

AmazonRed is now chasing melo with a frying pan. LOL

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 11:43 AM | Link to this

Must admit your #1 tip BlueK is on the mark. If a woman should become offended or act like she didn’t hear you is selfish. I see no problem w/a woman picking up the tip after the man has paid. Hell, I wouldn’t even wait to be asked I would offer as the check is being placed on the table (if not before)!

Raqi, Raqi, Raqi, I don’t know what to say to you. Girl, you are dropping gems the size of Elizabeth Taylor’s diamonds!

By Angie

December 16, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

The Big Hitta <———— it goes both ways. dizzle comes a dime a dozen around these parts.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Foots how long would the average chick stay with a man if he couldn’t work and they suffered a severe drop of living standard? Not long. Ladies get on men because they want sex but women want money as much as men want sex. hence we use what we have to get what we want.

Island hope all is well with you and yours.

Ladies, men don’t experience love like you do. If they did they wouldn’t do the things they do, or they’d be looking for the same dude you are. For us its more about action than feeling. The dude I know that has had by far the most women I’ve ever known in my life doesn’t even really like women. He has just mastered the art of acting like he does.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

HOT DAYUM

But it’s not a relationship deal until I give him sex. Regularly.

if you take nothing else from todays exchange - grab this lil nugget from raqi….this is TRUE

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

BlueK on that #1, I would pick up the check but I’d also delete dude’s number and promptly leave. At my age, any guy that’s into playing those types of games ain’t the one for me.

LL I’ve asked guys on first dates and they insisted on picking up the check. Some were insulted that I wanted to pay. I’ve found that it’s a delicate line with offering to pay for a meal onthe first date because some guys think I’m trying to exert my independence.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Willie D & Foots

Footsy That accessibility in your relationship will suit you very well. Its not a good thing if/when we Men have to try and figure out things like that. Remember we are simple creatures.

I agree. I think that Foots pretty much gets it.

Foots, you have confirmed that you are ready. You talking about cuttin’ folk from the roota to the toota. As Chris Rock says, you haven’t been in love if you have thought about killing that special person, but only an episode of CSI has kept you from doing it!” …j/k

Good for you for hanging in there. Life is cyclical and so are relationships. There are times that my wife and I are vibing and times that we are off a bit.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Blue On a first date, would you really test a woman like that by asking her to pick up the tip, and changing your behavior if she doesn’t give you the response you’re looking for?

I guess I’m lucky in that I’ve never dated anyone who expected me to contribute on a first date. If we went out on a date and ended up splitting the bill, he’d just be a friend. I always offer the tip though, and I’m always refused. All the dudes I’ve dated were like “If I didn’t have it, we wouldn’t be here.”

Once the relationship is established, it’s not really a matter of him taking me out or me taking him out, unless it’s for something special. Most times, it’s “I don’t have cash, so you get the parking and I’ll buy the drinks so I can put it on the card.” Something like that, where the reciprocity is more natural.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

But it’s not a relationship deal until I give him sex. Regularly apart from Tazzee,who else who on here is naive to believe otherwise?? Tazzee, i excuse her coz she so sold out on Jesus.The other exception,if chic is a virgin already.For the rest,uall know tyrone,james,eazy-e,trey,pinko and boowie have hit that,so why uall acting like its fresh??

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

The people around you may seem strong, and more or less in control of their lives, but that is merely a facade. Underneath, people are more brittle than they let on. What lets them seem strong is the series of nests and safety nets they envelop themselves in—their friends, their families, their daily routines, which give them a feeling of continuity, safety, and control. Suddenly pull the rug out from under them, drop them alone into some foreign place where the familiar signposts are gone or scrambled, and you will see a very different person. A target who is strong and settled is hard to seduce. But even the stron¬ gest people can be made vulnerable if you can isolate them from their nests and safety nets. Block out their friends and family with your constant pres¬ ence, alienate them from the world they are used to, and take them to places they do not know. Get them to spend time in your environment. De¬ liberately disturb their habits, get them to do things they have never done. They will grow emotional, making it easier to lead them astray. Disguise all this in the form of a pleasurable experience, and your targets will wake up one day distanced from everything that normally comforts them. Then they will turn to you for help, like a child crying out for its mother when the lights are turned out. In seduction, as in warfare, the isolated target is weak and vulnerable.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

To that 11:41

It’s the difference between pound cake and chocolate cake.

The sex is the icing, the one thing that takes it from being good (a friend) to being my favorite (wife, wifey).

It’s an important part of the ingredient list to make it my favorite thing to eat. Good cake is good cake - but I’m usually reaching for that chocolate cake

By QC - HAPPY HOLIDAYS

December 16, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Hey Bloggers…I feel that we as “Women” should be able to do the same for our Men i.e. PROTECT, PROVIDE & SUPPORT them as much as they do us. I hope you all are having a lovely tuesday

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

BlueK on that #1, I would pick up the check but I’d also delete dude’s number and promptly leave. At my age, any guy that’s into playing those types of games ain’t the one for me.

Amen Tazzee, if you still have to employ such “relationship test” at 30+ check your screening process or maybe you are just too broke to date.

Cuz if you got it, GET IT. You take care of her and she’ll take care of you. Period.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

LOL Tazzee I mean it is what it is. Why do women still choose to not want to believe it I don’t know. Let’s accept it a move on. I didn’t say that it is all they want I just said that it’s their initial interest in us and is very much required to hold their undivided interest.

In so many words. LOL I know some of you get what I am saying.

By Le Siren

December 16, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

And on another note, if you as a man cannot afford to pay for a date, then don’t ask a woman out! My daddy taught me never to leave the house without money. If you don’t have any money, then you don’t leave the house. As a woman, I don’t even go out with a man unless I can afford to cover the bill (because you never know what will happen)Broke men who try to date make no sense to me…

By QC - HAPPY HOLIDAYS

December 16, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Hey BK

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Even if the guy asks you out and pays for the meal, what is wrong with offering to pay the tip??? To me all it shows is a sign of appreciation. Ok, I get what you’re saying about a guy asking. Knowing me, I wouldn’t wait until he asked. Would I be “taken aback” if he asked…hmmm probably cuz I would have preferred to have offered. So, are you ladies hung up on him ASKING or you PAYING THE TIP???

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Raqi

*Let me say it a little more plainly, Sex seals the deal with men. I can be the best friend he has, listen to his problems, do his laundry, clean his house and walk his dog. But it’s not a relationship deal until I give him sex. Regularly. *

That is correct. Have friends and had them before I met her. I can cook, and clean, do my own laundry. I can tell my problems to my dog while I walk him (and he won’t interrupt). You laugh but they don’t call them Man’s Best Friend for nothing.

But, that regular is the difference maker and deal sealer.

Raqi….you should write a book. Tell Mase. From the way it sounds, Mase would love alternate forms of income. Heck, Cosmo has filled women’s with a bunch of crazy thoughts about men. You pretty much nailed it down with that post.

For the making the suggestion, I will only charge you 10% finder’s fee since you are blog family, you know.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

I can feel BK a bit

If I’m paying for the food that is currently digesting in our stomachs, then you could leave the 10-15% to the server for her assistance.

It ain’t a requirement, I ain’t gone ask, but I notice it.

Another Chris Rock reference: “lie to me Jerry!” Jus saying, at least offer

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this

Doing so is just rude and not becoming of a gentleman. Even though I would have no problem at all leaving the tip, to have a man ask me to do so would be a HUGE turnoff!

Cuz the last thing I’m trying to do is have him carry me, but I also do not want to spend a moment with such an uncouth gentleman.

Les/Ared - read below:

Leggs If a woman should become offended or act like she didn’t hear you is selfish.

You’re showing your advanced maturity level Miss Lady… ;)

By Angie

December 16, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

it’s their initial interest in us

that’s more like it and like wise.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Blue I didn’t imply what you said. Whether it’s mine or another woman’s sex, it’s what you men want from us. I didn’t say you live or die for it. Again I said it’s what you all want. And believe me when I say this I am under no misguided notion that mine is what keeps my husband at home. He stays because he wants to. Just like me.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Le siren why shouldn’t broke men try to date? Broke women do.

You all are handling this topic like we’re all high brow, high moral, earth loving, granola bar eating, Gandhi wanna be’s . You’re not, as a matter of fact nobody is. Like Rells post, its all a facade. Ex: Chick is cool as all get up then when dude leaves she tries to drag him through the courts to get whatever she can. Not high morals anymore HUH?

Thats the beauty of working/living in less than desirable enviroments. You know exactly who and what you’re dealing with, unlike the streets.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

You take care of her and she’ll take care of you. Period.

ARED maybe you can answer …what is this taking care part women use as an incentive for men to behavior….i mean like PG listed above all the things you think you can do to benefit me…i already can do….what are the benefits…i really want to know

By abc

December 16, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

Leave a 20% tip! Minimum! Even for sub-par service!

Bad tips are a sign of no class.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

@PG

damn the book, Raqi need to teach a class!

Revenue streams: the multimedia presentation to take from the book signings…the children’s book…the T-Shirts…all that!

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

BK

It’s never too early to character check anybody.

Sure it is, and maybe if you spend time getting to know the person first before you go out, it’s not necessary to play these kind of games.

Just shows that some women have more of a desire to be taken care of than demonstrating that they’d be a worthy helpmate.

No it doesn’t. Some women simply aren’t brought up that way. You are knocking them for going against the way it’s always been. Men pay for dates, it’s been a general rule for the past 100 years.

A dude could be out of a lot of cash if he’s going out with a lot of different broads before he finds The One.

That’s not HER problem. It’s his. Again, maybe he should get to know this woman before taking her out. You can find a lot about a person by just having conversations with her.

I really could give less than a dizzam that you find me unsuitable because I won’t subscribe to FUP

We know you don’t, and that’s why you’ll typically only attract a certain kind of woman anyway.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

but I’m usually reaching for that chocolate cake Dan DUH!! That’s what I am saying right there.

LOL Poppa A book? Maybe in the not so near future. I still of a whooooole lot to learn myself.

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Foots/Ared/Les/Other Free Meal Wantin’ Broads It ain’t about no money! I got plenty of bread to cover whatever activities that we decide to get into.

It’s the principle of the thing and there are too many broads real quick to throw up some lame azz excuse about how said dude ain’t a real man if he ain’t throwing his coat over the water puddle. GTFOH.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

lol. a broke man needs to stay at home and not date unless i ask him out. i will then drive and pay. otherwise, he portrays a weak man to me.

get it together!

and i seriously doubt that a strong man wants to be seen this way. he will volun stay at home.

even you said this truth.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Truth Ladies get on men because they want sex but women want money as much as men want sex.

My dissent wasn’t because I disagree that men want sex, I want it too. It was how she said that she meant nothing to him without sex. That I don’t believe. As Blue pointed out, azz isn’t everything (though he said it in more colorful terms).

Now that she’s explained further, I get what she’s saying. But I have been in relationships where love was felt and the draws hadn’t dropped yet AND in situations where I wanted to see what the draws were like before the relationship popped off proper. The relationship is only a relationship when both involved agree that it is. Sex doesn’t make it so. You guys tell us ladies that all the time: just because we had sex, doesn’t mean that we’re in a relationship…

To your point though, there is a difference between being willing, but unable, and not willing, even in the case of a man not working. If his sorry azz decides he wants to just lay in the bed all day and watch who’s not the father on Maury, that’s different than someone who can’t work because he is disabled. So I’d be more willing to work with a man who was at home because he was unable, rather than unwilling.

Poppa but only an episode of CSI has kept you from doing it

I watch the Closer too, so I see how they can catch you even if you think you have all the bases covered. LOL!

I learned something else this weekend. Sometimes, it’s fine just for somebody to be willing to help you, even if they don’t want to. I use that for myself all the time, because I do plenty of things I don’t want to do because of my obligations. But now, I’m getting the hang of accepting the help of someone else, and being pleased that they were willing even if they aren’t excited about it. There are too many folks out there that won’t be excited AND will tell you that they ain’t doing ish. So it’s a minor victory when at least they are willing to be there for you.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

AR

Y’all are doing the same character tests by expecting that he pay.

By saying that he is uncouth or playing game and I will delete is number, You are giving him a failing grade on said test.

Now, I’ve always paid on the first date. But to say, that you aren’t testing him and ascertaining his character early in meeting a male is a bit untrue.

It is what it is.

“You never get a second chance to make first impression”. That first impression is nothing than our test and grade of other people.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

Even if the guy asks you out and pays for the meal, what is wrong with offering to pay the tip??? To me all it shows is a sign of appreciation.

Leggs, there are plenty of ways to show appreciation. Forget the tip, I offer to pay my share. But yes, it’s different if a guy is tacky enough to ask or expect me to do so.

Just because someone pays for dinner does not mean that appreication has to be granted right that second by you putting in on it.

The concept of delayed gratification is lost in today’s time.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this

It’s the principle of the thing

Okay fine, so why are you gonna knock her for being raised to a different principle than you?

Rell, I have no clue what you are asking me.

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this

Here’s a suggestion—->Steve Harvey and Raqi collaborate on the book Mr. Harvey is writing from the male/female perspective. That would be a real nice read.

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

What’s Up Blog Fam?

Poppa - How you know so much about UGA? I lived right across from O-house and used to go to Snelling dining hall when I wanted a “step up”, as opposed to Creswell dining hall!LOL

On topic - I have never, ever liked the idea of going out with someone I was not the least attracted to, just to go out. I have never been that hungry or bored. In my younger days some of my friends would criticize me for this, saying “just go out, give it a chance, get a free meal”. I see it as total using. I’m no saint, but I have always had a real problem with taking advantage of someone because I have the opportunity or see a weakness in them. Just one of my pet peeves, even though I’m told that is “human nature”. Men don’t spend time and money with women they just want to be friends with, period. Raqi I told one of my friends that years ago when she was using this older gentleman from her church. I said do you think he approached you because you looked like you’d make a nice friend? He soon tired of being used and told her he was looking for more. Yes, whoever does the asking does the paying. In my observations, the only time men question spending money on a date is when they have already deemed the lady in question not worthy. When they feel they are dealing with “quality”, they don’t blink about spending money. Dreams why do you fret about whatever little “advantage” you think women have, like being asked out most of the time, therefore not having to pay? Life ain’t equal in every situation. Women have advantages in some, and men in others. Just deal with it and move on.

Yes, men want sex, barring some extinuating circumstance, such as illness or injury. And even when that happens, I’ve seen them stay with the wife but get needs met elsewhere(discreetly). Women have needs too and I’ve seen many stand by their men too when they can’t perform, even moreso than the men.

Melo - Why you always generalizing? People are people, no city has lock on the cheap, materialistic, sexy, ugly, etc. If all you run into is of poor quality, up your selection process. Melo, you’re supposed to be married anyway.

By Le Siren

December 16, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

Amazon

Your 12:06 post to BK was on point!

Truth

Touche’:) Broke women do date, however, I’m not one of those women.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

Y’all are doing the same character tests by expecting that he pay.

PG, 99% of the time I offer to pay. And I always have the money to pay my share, because I’m not EXPECTING anything. But I do hope that he ascribes similar standards I do.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

Angie I chose not to date due to my economic downturn but that doesn’t stop most folks. As a matter of fact most when they’re having difficulties step up their dating to drown out the pain.

Foots I could love the ground you walk on but when you stopping fugging I’m through. There’s nothing more disgusting than a woman waving around azz you can’t get. Let someone else pay for that shyt. And yes that includes after we have 6 or 100 kids. I aint staying with a chick I cant fugg. Period. and whatever feelings I thought I had drain away when I cant get off. LOL

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

Bk

I agree. It isn’t about the money.

As big perm…I mean Big Worm puts it -“Its the principality..Smokey”

Y’all want a quality man, we want quality women. So there is a stale mate from the get go

Just saying you quality, doesn’t make it so. Hence, my distrust of adults in general, not just women. There are plenty of fake azz dudes, too. Those fakers contaminate the dating pool causing some quality to leave the pool (like Staceye, and quit dating). Then, you have nothing but fakers (of both genders) left trying to swim in said pool.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

hopefully he’s broke because he took care of some business like paying his mortgage, paid for his daughter’s braces, bought groceries, saving up for a rainy day!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Melo, you’re supposed to be married anyway so all married men cant have an no opinion on this??Oh wait a mini,Melo shld keep quiet,same as Rellbut Raqi can opine.But Atlanta??ive had it said by no less than a whole lot of pple.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this

Raqi and is very much required to hold their undivided interest

He stays because he wants to. Just like me.

I do agree with the second part wholeheartedly, that’s my takeaway.

No amount of sex can keep a man’s undivided interest. Plenty of women have tried, but if the cake’s not there, who wants to just eat the icing? Most of the books about cheating say that unless the man is just a dog, men cheat for emotional reasons (not feeling respected, not feeling supported, or feeling taken for granted) more often than just for sexual gratification. I have to think of the author’s name, but many of the men he interviewed had plentiful sex at home. In other words, his emotional and mental interest can wane, even if his sexual interest is gratified (just icing).

That’s why a relationship has to be built on more than just sex, so that if the sex is gone, the relationship can still exist.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

AR

But I do hope that he ascribes similar standards I do.

You are still drawing conclusions on his character, especially if he takes you up on that offer.

Drawing conclusions are what teachers do when they grade a test. They look over your answers to their questions, and mark the ones that they don’t like (or are just wrong). Then, they deduct those points for the highest possible score.

If you delete him taking you up on that offer, than you gave him a failing grade. A big fat “F”.

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Ared We know you don’t, and that’s why you’ll typically only attract a certain kind of woman anyway.

Pop Y’all are doing the same character tests by expecting that he pay.

Pop, these chicks need to be in China somewhere playing pingpong… with all this spin.

Ared again Leggs, there are plenty of ways to show appreciation. Forget the tip, I offer to pay my share. But yes, it’s different if a guy is tacky enough to ask or expect me to do so.

I just hope that these young cats are paying attention. You broads actually think that you’re so much better than a dude, that he has to reach up to your plateau, and that you are so desirable, that you can’t even share a little bit in the costs of your own pleasures.

I’ll give yoll big red A’s for being right as hayo - yoll ain’t hardly my type of chicks.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Blue Who said I was just out to get a free meal? I said I’d leave a tip, but I would offer. No man I’ve dated would have asked me to. That’s my experience.

I’ve been out with people that I’ve discovered I’m not interested in during the date. When the bill comes, I offer to split it. If he insists on paying it, cool.

I can pay for meals, that’s not the issue. But if you ask me for a contribution on a first date, my assumption is that you want to be friends.

By housewife

December 16, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Those fakers contaminate the dating pool causing some quality to leave the pool (like Staceye, and quit dating). Then, you have nothing but fakers (of both genders) left trying to swim in said pool

Amen and Amen.

I believe it too. If a dude steps to you, ummm sex is on the agenda. If it wasn’t such a big deal, why do mean cheat? Why can’t you move into a relationship void of sex? What’s wrong with companionship? How can men risk marriages for it? How can you honestly say you love your wife and woo swoo and have another? We’re saying one thing all the while doing another.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this

Disclaimer: Just because men want sex doesn’t mean you have to serve it up in five course doses from the jump of the relationship.

Now yall done got me off course this morning from trying to find the perfect outfit online to wear as the “boss’ wife” at my husband office Christmas party. The party will be attended by family, friends, clients, potential clients and associates. I gots to look good. LOL

Now what will it be? An elegant winter white suit? A very fashionable and sharp black suit? Or a pretty dress? Maybe a nice pants suit?

By MELO

December 16, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

U have been really schooled by lyfe,i can see: using this older gentleman from her church LOL..the cob webs are falling…. * I’ve seen them stay with the wife but get needs met elsewhere(discreetly)*

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

ARed, true there are many, many ways to show appreciation and offering to pay the tip is one of them first, third or 40th date. I wouldn’t necessarily use the term “delayed gratification” in terms of offering to leave a tip. Delayed gratificaion is much deeper than leaving a mere tip (showing appreciation). I would liken it to realizing you finally found a nice man you can relate to on so many different levels that so all those toads you had to jump over was well worth it. Something like that.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this

Leggs I always offer to pay the tip but I’ve learned not to try to pick up the actual check. If a guy asks me out on a date and then ‘tells’ me to pick up the check, he’s a sorry mofo in my opinion.

melo forget you! LOL I’m not naive in that sense - I know what the deal is for the most part. I’m just trusting that I’ll run across one of the 0.01% percent of dudes that can hang with my program. That’s why I don’t sweat the fact that I’m not in a LTR.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Housewife they cheat because they love azz more than the woman. Trying to live on a womens level causes more stress and more need for release. LOL

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

You are still drawing conclusions on his character, especially if he takes you up on that offer.

PG, let me put it this way. Say I invite a guy over to dinner. And when he gets there, I say, “well, where are your groceries?”

Now I’m PERFECTLY within my rights to ask you to put in your share, but really, it is not something that is NORMALLY done when you recieve a dinner invitation. So yes, while I should be ready and willing to pay my share of a meal, I can make a judgement that it’s tacky to ask a person you invited to pay.

In addition, BK, has made it clear it’s a character test, which is the wrong way to go. Thinking that the person that’s invited you to a meal will take care of the meal is not a unrealistic standard.

IMO.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

Amazon Just because someone pays for dinner does not mean that appreication has to be granted right that second by you putting in on it.

Some folks are even okay with just a thank you and reassurance that yes, you had a wonderful time and would like to see them again. In my case, my dude might not think anything of me putting down $5 for a tip, but you should see how he brightens up when I go on and on about what a good time I had. To him, he likes me to show appreciation like that, not by putting 5 on it.

But every dude is different.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this

is a broke man lazy? i would say some, not most. i’ve seen mad hustle to come up … overtime, selling drugs, etc. there’s no excuse for a man to be broke except for what i stated above.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Kimmie

Poppa - How you know so much about UGA? I lived right across from O-house and used to go to Snelling dining hall when I wanted a “step up”, as opposed to Creswell dining hall!LOL

I had plenty of friend to attend UGA in the early to mid 90s. Most of them were athletes (Football and track). I know O-house because a few of my track friends lived there. I mainly know those dining halls. Athough, I have seen Bolton because it is near Creswell. *I heard nasty things about this dining hall like roaches sitting on the soda fountains and such.

Actually, I was hoping that Coach Goff would offer me a scholarship. He didn’t. UGA did offer me an academic scholarship…which would have been a free ride, too. So, I came close to spending way more time in Athens. I was there a few months ago attending the UGA/Alabama slaughter…I mean football game.

However, I kinda liked Columbia. It doesn’t have quite the same college town feel as Athens. USC shares Columbia with Fort Jackson. So, it is a hybrid military and college town.

I also imagine my time in Columbia would have been better if not for all the negative publicity that Columbia got for that conferate flag on the statehouse and the boycott the ensued.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Blue he has to reach up to your plateau, and that you are so desirable, that you can’t even share a little bit in the costs of your own pleasures.

Didn’t she say that she offered to pay her share?

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Who said I was just out to get a free meal? I said I’d leave a tip, but I would offer. No man I’ve dated would have asked me to. That’s my experience.

Foots, I mean really. If there are no basic rules and dating standards to go by why not just start the date out by discussing how you’d divy up the tab? Get it out the way.

Since folks wanna test someone, how bout just putting it all out there then? LOL

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this

Foots here’s how I see it, No sex chances are he is sure to leave. However with sex, he still has to choose to stay. (And I am not talking about those instances when sex is not possible.)

And you best believe in those relationships that are completely void of sex, if they both are able beings, they are getting it from somebody. Or at least one of them are.

And my relationship is not based wholely on sex, but sex is just as an important factor as respect and money.

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

Foots I can pay for meals, that’s not the issue. But if you ask me for a contribution on a first date, my assumption is that you want to be friends.

I can draw all types of inferences from this ^^^ statement:**

Conclusion: The pu$$y is for sale.

Class IS in session.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 12:41 PM | Link to this

To the fellas…

Y’all do realize it is draft pick / sucker recruitment season for the ladies???

Let’s see, you have Xmas, New Years and Valentines Day around the corner and lord help ya,if they have a b-day somewhere between now and March 1.

If you notice everytime you go out the female to male ratios have increased a bit as well and a lot of women are a little more approachable during this magic time of the year…hummm!

Time to recession proof your wallets right now,before it is too late!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

AR

There are still expectation there. Nobody goes into that thing blindly. There has to be some expectation of what will happen, whether expressly discussed or not.

You are typing anything that says, “whatever will happen, will happen.” There are expectation based on differing circumstances, such as who asks, etc. but there ARE expectations.

You are judging the other person on those expectation.

The fact that you mention realistic or unrealistic standards manifests that there is some preconceived notion of what will be. How else can you say something is unrealistic or not, if you don’t have a comparison (expectation).

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Didn’t she say that she offered to pay her share?

Foots, of course I did. I just left him off in the clouds where he seems to be happiest.

I’ve even paid the whole meal when the guy “accidentily” left his wallet (and he was testing me). I could have left him there to figure it out. But hey, if I’m out $50 bucks because he wanted to exercise that right, so be it. I’ll live. But I also can reserve the righ to not go out with someone so “careless.”

By MELO

December 16, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

i’ve seen mad hustle to come up- selling drugs, etc SMH

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

LL thats easy. Dont get anyone gifts.

By M.

December 16, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

@The Truth

On point comments!

@Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

Great comments!

You are going off today….!!!!

You made an excellent point about asking for the tip on the first date. That will also show me 1. How she treats other people (i.e. the waiter/waitress) and 2. If she is cheap or not a good tipper or just if she is cool with contributing or doing it unwillingly.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Let’s see, you have Xmas, New Years and Valentines Day around the corner and lord help ya,if they have a b-day somewhere between now and March 1.

LOL @ Longtime. My birthday is December 5th, right between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s far enough from Christmas to get both a bday and Christmas gift and it’s after Thanksgiving, so you can score me something good with the after thanksgiving sales.

I’m really not into gifts like that, but if I were, it be buying season! lol

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

Ang i would say some, not most. i’ve seen mad hustle to come up … overtime, selling drugs, etc. there’s no excuse for a man to be broke except for what i stated above.

Selling drugs?! So you’d have a Black man, take a chance on throwing most of his legal rights right on out the window, subject himself to the slave camps of the American Penal System, trade his freedom, and a whole lot of other sh!t… just so he wouldn’t have to walk up to some silly azz broad like you and say that he was broke?! GTFOH

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

AR

All the things that you are saying are true, but they are judgments that you are making about a person. You are still evaluating the person, which is the reason for tests in the first place.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this

There are still expectation there. Nobody goes into that thing blindly. There has to be some expectation of what will happen, whether expressly discussed or not.

PG, my point is with purposeful tests. Get to know the person first and you won’t have to throw them a loop to see how they’d react.

Yes, I’m not going to automatically think he’d ask me such a thing. But I’m ready and prepared for such an answer. Thinking you’re tacky for asking is not a test that I’ve designed to determine your character. It’s a reaction to a test you’ve given me. I’m not gonna sit up there and order the most expensive thing on the menu to see how he’ll react. That’s silly.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Blue LOL!! You can draw whatever conclusions you want to. But the fact remains that no man has asked me to contribute on the first date. If you operate differently and ask women to contribute regularly, that’s cool too.

If I’m not feeling dude, I offer to split so I won’t use him AND so that he will see my interest as platonic. Isn’t that today’s topic?

By Angie

December 16, 2008 12:55 PM | Link to this

oh and you haven’t? and why didn’t you put overtime in your post?

you a mess.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

If we talking about dating just for dating,all these various principles being espoused can apply in diff settings and with diffrent pple.U all have to find who is compatible with ur program and who is not to make it wrk. As far as dating to marry is concerned,thats a lil different.The women who get it are the ones who know how to balance money,sexx and power in that relatiosnhip,where to give in and where to with hold and thats a delicate balance and a whole lot of power to give up.I have found that a good and informative background helps but even ex-whres and them educated but tired chics have mustered the experience and know how to know which buttons to press to get to promised land, better than ur smart college educated chics.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

Blue You have money but expect me to pay your way. (<=== Ain’t that a user?) A dude getting “Cat Of Foots” does most if not all of the paying.

You must have missed when I posted this:

Once the relationship is established, it’s not really a matter of him taking me out or me taking him out, unless it’s for something special. Most times, it’s “I don’t have cash, so you get the parking and I’ll buy the drinks so I can put it on the card.” Something like that, where the reciprocity is more natural.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

All the things that you are saying are true, but they are judgments that you are making about a person. You are still evaluating the person, which is the reason for tests in the first place.

PG and again, that really wasn’t my point. It’s about testing and playing games just to see how someone would react. Up your screening process if you must do that.

It wouldn’t be fair to judge you for not bringing groceries because of some arbitrary test I’ve created in my mind.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

OOPS! I misread - I thought BK’s first point said to pick up the check, not tip. At any rate - I stand by my assertion…any guy that asks me out on a date and then proceeds to ‘tell’ me to come out of pocket is not my type of guy.

I’m just not ‘as’ livid at that suggestion as I was initially.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

Fellas, we can relax. BK has this one. LMAO Tell em Blue, tell em.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Blue i’ve never been with a drug dealer personally, but i’ve seen where they made sure they had money in their pockets. that was their decision.

and i’m not a silly broad. far from one.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

You made an excellent point about asking for the tip on the first date. That will also show me 1. How she treats other people (i.e. the waiter/waitress) and 2. If she is cheap or not a good tipper or just if she is cool with contributing or doing it unwillingly.

M., she’s probably hoping you’d show HER the same kind of things. It’s silly.

That kind of stuff will come out anyway. Why employ that type of jugding criteria on something that is not typical (paying the tax) for a woman to do?

By MELO

December 16, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

overtime and selling drugs in one sentence?? Wld u be ok with ur son selling druggs?? Is the dad a drugg pusher too?? if ur sone chose to either cut grass or sell druggs,what wld be ur advice angie??

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

If I’m not feeling dude, I offer to split so I won’t use him AND so that he will see my interest as platonic. Isn’t that today’s topic?

Foots, well, I am going to offer to split anyway. He’ll usually say no, I put my wallet away with thanks and that’s the end of it.

But if I’m not feeling him, I’m going to insist that I pay my share. LOL!!!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this

Foots

• But if you ask me for a contribution on a first date, my assumption is that you want to be friends.*

That is just as bad as a guy assuming that you want to rabbit dance with him just because you agreed to have a meal with him. While you may want to get with him and queff all over the place, it isn’t right for him to assume that you do.

For me this is just an examination of the mindset. I always paid if I invited. But, I learned to make no assumptions whatsoever. I definitely have to thank the doctor ex-girlfriend and my wife for that mindset. People are truly individuals and you can’t assume anything about a person. Really can’t. It isn’t easy to keep an open mind and not use pre-conceived notions. If I kept my assumptions, the wife and I would not be together today.

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Melo - Life is the best teacher sometimes. I’m old school on a lot of things, but I can accept the changes of the times too! Most of my staff is older than me, but they have a hard time dealing with change and I have to preach to them daily that they have to learn to roll with it. But with some things, especial men & women, the more things change the more they stay the same!

Foots - Nobody has ever asked me to pay either. I have no problem contributing. And when I have done the asking, like I invited a guy to a Sade concert once, I did not ask him for the money for his ticket. To do so would be tacky. Just how I was brought up, and how most folks I deal with.

Poppa - Yeah, Bolton was in the lobby of Creswell and mostly freshmen ate there when I was at UGA. That is, until they heard the horror stories. I got off the meal plan after my sophmore year anyway. UGA did not give out a whole lot of academic scholarships, so you’re pretty tight! Who said academics and athletics can’t go hand-in-hand.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 1:06 PM | Link to this

Poppa Again, that is due to my experiences. Absolutely, a guy wants to do the rabbit dance with me whether he pays or not, whether we have a meal or meet in a back alley. Isn’t that what all the men were amen-ing Raqi about? That men definitely want sex from us and that we should just accept it? Wasn’t the whole point of that to let ladies know that we don’t have to assume that’s what they want, or even question it, that it’s cold, hard, fact?

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

If I’m not feeling dude, I offer to split so I won’t use him AND so that he will see my interest as platonic. Isn’t that today’s topic?

Ok Foots, Inference Time… again:

Conclusion: Again… the pu$$ey costs money; AND a dude gettin’ it, isn’t even as good a friend as some dude that you just know from way back.

Now that’s real fuggin’ interesting.

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

PoppaG gets the door prize. I was wondering who and how long it would be before someone used that word.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:08 PM | Link to this

just so he wouldn’t have to walk up to some silly azz broad like you and say that he was broke?! GTFOH

LOL Aw BK, you used to be Angie’s biggest fan.

By Le Siren

December 16, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

BK

Conclusion: The pu$$y is for sale

You can save all that nonsense for those of us who don’t know any better. The rest of us know that the relationship between a man and a woman has from the beginning of time been about bartering. It’s always been about what a man can provide in exchange for having a woman who will make a good wife/mother for his children. Don’t act like this is anything new.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

Truth what’s funny is that in my 14+ years of dating since graduating college, I’ve NEVER had a dude come out his mouth with that nonsense. So if Blue is really handling this discussion then I must live in a parallel universe because that’s some ole BS to me.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

ON TOPIC:If you use me, you lose me

Women to Men if we use you guys, get fed and enjoy some of your finances,we might stay and hang on.The sexx can come waaay way later!

Men to Women u all need to agree to sexx, up-front,preferably(time value of money) but in the vent that it doesnt happen,know this, we will want some as soon as possible so we know our efforts have been appreciated and our money hasnt gone to waste!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

AR

It wouldn’t be fair to judge you for not bringing groceries because of some arbitrary test I’ve created in my mind.

How would you know the difference from an arbitrary test and an honest mistake whichout a body of experience to judge whether or not it is in his character. If it is the first date, chances are that you are still trying to get to know each other.

A few phone convos didn’t mean much to me. I like to see facial expressions and body language. Phone is ok, but still lacks something for me. However, the next dude may not feel the same about telephone calling.

For me, though, I hated the long telephone chats. I love real person to person conversation. I can adjust to conversation based on her actions.

I did it when I couldn’t be there with my female interest at a given time. But, I still don’t spend hours on the phone, now. When either me or my wife goes out of town, we don’t have those long “I’m falling asleep while still on the phone” calls.

She was good enough to not hold it against me that I wasn’t a telephone person. I always made it up in person (I don’t mean sex either). Our conversations always flowed better in person. She even noticed that.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

melo you knew what i meant. what is wrong with you? why don’t we just stop the communication between us. you and blue act like i phucked both of y’all and left money on the nightstand!!

By Dan

December 16, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

@PG right on!

I can see where you’re coming from ARed.

But the whole first date is a test, from the place chosen (Longhorn’s vs. a hot dog stand) to paying for the check, the number of drinks had (or not had), all of it.

What PG is saying is that’s a given, that’s the understanding when the date is made/accepted. It’s the clause in the contract.

As for Rell’s comment:

As puddy is for sale.

Do you want to pay for the meal(s), the alcohol, the clothes, the house, the kids or just offer a simple exchange?

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 1:14 PM | Link to this

if you’ve always been faithful to your wife no problem ared.Phew,u scared me…i was beginning to think u know i phlucked smebody from the blog., we know now, don’t we? Hilarious…lol!!!

Too funny…

By Foots

December 16, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

Blue True friends?? You’re losing me. I thought we were talking about a first date.

So let me just ask you: Do you pay for a first date if you have asked a young lady out?

If you say no, fine. If you say yes, fine.

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

Ang * i’ve never been with a drug dealer personally, but i’ve seen where they made sure they had money in their pockets. that was their decision.*

and i’m not a silly broad. far from one.

The meaning behind your post was that you condoned a man selling drugs in order to not be broke. Remember the part where you say that there is no excuse, and you list selling drugs as one option to the contrary. If that’s the message that you want to convey, then yes you are one silly azz broad, just like I said. But on the other hand, if you were typing so fast that you delivered the wrong message then I will retract my statement and apologize.

Truth I’m standing here on Earth, and some of these chicks are out there like the lost tool bag… on they way to Pluto some-MF’n-where.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

because that’s some ole BS to me u getting a neon, NFL type flag Truth coz u inducing Tazzee to curse! Get 2 more flags and u tossed outa blog.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

Oh, Lawd Tazzee almost cussed…

But Foots,

At a certain point, its about more than sex, with the right chick.

And once you go through the games and checklists we all have (men and women) you start to get to where the sex is as natural and needed as breathing.

By then though, may be to old to do anything about it

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:17 PM | Link to this

PG, let’s just agree to disagree. Your paragraphs are getting longer and longer and I still am not changing my opinion.

A test like the grocery test is atypical. And I think the tip test is as well, though it’s more common.

And Dan, as usual, I disagree with you.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this

Foots

*Absolutely, a guy wants to do the rabbit dance with me whether he pays or not, whether we have a meal or meet in a back alley. *

That is not what I said.

I said assuming that he wants to be your friend because he asked you to come of pocket is just as bad as assuming that YOU wanted to rabbit dance with him.

Sure, he wants to have sex with you. But, assuming that you want to have sex with him due to something that is really unrelated is mundane.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

you and blue act like i phucked *both of y’all and left money on the nightstand!!* no, i didnt think u did a swing on me and Blue one time.But which one did u phuck individually.It aint me.Clear the air on that…..

By SexyCool

December 16, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

the plainest truth is that every interaction with any person on the face of this earth is an exchange…

each party gets something out of each and every exchange or the exchange ceases…or never happens in the first place…

we work for our employers in exchange for a check…

publix put groceries on the shelves in exchange for your money…

you invest your money in exchange for a return (interest)…

you spend time with your friends (male or female) in exchange for human contact…

you date another person in exchange for special feelings…

you are sexing whomever your are sexing to reach the magic O…

in this respect, we are all users…we participate in exchanges for the benefit of ourselves more than we would ever do so for the benefit of the other party…

i can run around all day screaming that i am not a user, simply because of the negative connotation attached to the word…

however…when it’s real talk…using is using…and it not necessarily always a bad thing…

from there we could go into a discussion about manipulative people with one sided ulterior motives who intentionally scheme to receive more from an exchange that what they are willing to contribute…but that’s the willy y’all have already been kicking around to this point…and i have nothing to add to that…

By Angie

December 16, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

i’ve seen mad hustle to come up … overtime, selling drugs, etc.

no where does it say that i approve this.

there’s no excuse

again … where?

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

I think we need to rename this article “Prostitution in Dating”

Meeting a guy means if I like him and he spends enough money on me, I will give him sex in return for favors, until the money runs out, then I am gone to the next sucker, oh I mean man who will sponsor me. The vicious cycle continues!!!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

AR

I agree that I disagree!..lol.

I actually don’t understand how you would know when it was a test or not. Or is it an assumption on your part, that he is testing you.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

*Tazz calm dowm beautiful. Guys don’t say it, they do it. A cat told you alot of things but how many are still around to follow up?

Melo I know, its hard to fire up Tazz. Must be the weather. LOL

By Angie

December 16, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

LL you on your own on this one! lol.

bye bloggers

By MELO

December 16, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

can run around all day screaming that i am not a user, simply because of the negative connotation attached to the word oh SexxyCl,both foots and ared have agreed we pay and they take care of us.They prefer we hush on saying exchange and stuff coz its not lady like.Even foots admitted she wants the sexx too,so the faster we leave this restaurant the better.We just arguing on who pays the tip right now,the main dinner, Blue and I got it!!

By Dan

December 16, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

@LL

Would you go out with a guy, have sex, introduce him to your family and friends, get married - if the whole time you were splitting every expense?

By housewife

December 16, 2008 1:33 PM | Link to this

Truth Housewife they cheat because they love azz more than the woman. Trying to live on a womens level causes more stress and more need for release

….and the men now rest their case.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

I actually don’t understand how you would know when it was a test or not. Or is it an assumption on your part, that he is testing you.

PG, BK said it was. The guy who made me pay the whole thing said it was. And it’s a good thing I DID take his call in the future cuz he gave me double what I paid for the meal he stiffed me with. I’m glad I passed but we never went out again. I guess because he played for the Patriots, I was supposed to give him a pass.

Testing people and seeing how they display their character are two different things IMO. We can typically do whatever and I’m going to judge you on how you treat me and others. Testing folks is throwing things out there just to see how they react instead of doing things you’d do normally.

I see the difference, if you don’t, so be it. No you may not always know which is which, but I really wasn’t talking about that. I was addressing my comments to those who say they actually test folks.

By Blow Me a.k.a. I AM GETTIN MINES IN DA 09

December 16, 2008 1:34 PM | Link to this

Good Morning ALL

This is right on time…

Raqi If you dont’ mind me asking….How old are you?

By Foots

December 16, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Poppa Hey, I’m okay with the fact that you think my assumption that he’d only like to be friends if he tells me we should split the check is bad. I can make whatever assumption I choose, just like he can assume that I will be horizontal later if he pays the tab for our first date.

It’s the same thing as putting women or men into categories when you first meet, without knowing much about them. So I can believe that he’d like to be friends only if he’s not feeling me enough to pay for appetizers and sweet tea on our first date.

Something on that date has to tell you that you have the green light or red light and for me, it’s the interest level shown on both sides. Part of that for me says that if he’s interested and is open to more interaction, that he has no problem paying for our first date. Maybe he’s not even thinking that deeply. Maybe he’s doing it because that’s his expectation. Maybe I’m wrong, but if so, I’ve been wrong before so it’s no big deal.

I appreciate you getting some trial practice by exploring the concept, but it’s really moot, especially since you’re the type to pay for a first date. LOL!

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

Ared Aw BK, you used to be Angie’s biggest fan.

I’m only a fan of family and close friends. But I will take up for an underdog and throw a rock a pack of rats ganging up on the wounded. And in this case, warn a guppy when I see ‘em swimming in the shark tank. (<=== Thanks Truth) Feel me?

Foots True friends?? You’re losing me. I thought we were talking about a first date.

My bad slim. I’m over here with air tanks and wet suits on and sh!t. I went way too deep on that one. But I did expect for you to keep up. Tighten up. I know you better than that. LOL

Final note to Foots/Chicks That Think I Ain’t a Man I’m putting in work for a chick that deserves it, not some random broad giving up the gas face because she picked up a funky few-dolla tip.

Yo Truth, matter of fact, this looks like a good time for a long azz lunch. You hold this joint down - I’m off to get emissions testing on the ride.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this

Kimmee

No UGA doesn’t offer a lot of academic scholarships. So, it was definitely an honor. I still have the offer (Letter) in a scrapbook. I also had it autographed by the late Hamilton Holmes. I’m sure that you know who he and Charlene (Hunter) Gault are. I’ve never met her, but I did meet him during a minority recruitment session at the Tate Center.

It was a tough decision. I have much respect for those kids that choose schools (even though it has gotten to commericial lately). Asking a kid (at 17 I was still a kid), to choose his future with everyone trying to entice him is tough to keep a level head.

I chose football because even if I got hurt, I would still have a free ride. Why not reach for stars (NFL)? My mindset was if I missed the stars (NFL), I still could land on a cloud (be a college graduate).

By MELO

December 16, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

Good Morning ALL hehe,blow,can i have a piece of that joint that put u in that daze! Its 1.39 pm right now..

By Foots

December 16, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

Dan LL is a guy.

And by the way, LL, how did you get all the way to prostitution from women thinking it’s tacky for a man to ask a woman to get the tip on a first date, when the women have said that they would offer by themselves?

Why is it that men can’t just accept that it’s tacky, like you want women to accept that men want sex, period?

This is clearly a case of disconnect. The main theme of that line of discussion was that some seemed a little surprised that Blue and M would play games like that anyway.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Foots

I appreciate you getting some trial practice by exploring the concept, but it’s really moot, especially since you’re the type to pay for a first date. LOL!

It wasn’t as much trial practice as reliving my social pysch/sexual psych college days. Our experiments were observation like that: Assumptions. Assumptions are what are being made based on limited knowledge of each other. You don’t know each other.

My point was that each of you were making assumption of the other. One assumption of the other’s intentions really isn’t any better than the other making similar assumptions.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

this is funny

bottom line there has to be some rules and regulations when dating…and a women has to know your rules and regs…if you expect her to put in on things..let her know….etc etc etc…if it does not line up move on to the next…there are women out here looking for men that pee standing and not setting…meaning have a strong personality…its all about respect….we splitting hairs over who pays what…if i ask i pay…if you ask then you pay period dot…not any additional fees like parking or tip…no problem….but relationships are not built on who pays and who does not…we all pay…in some form or another…

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Blow I am old enough to know that I can be everything to a man, have hella fun and grace him with the beauty of presence every single day. But at the end of one of those days he’s gonna want to and more than like ask to get in my business.

Does that help any?

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Feel me?

BK Nope, homechick is 40 years old. And sometimes a majority thinks stupid is stupid. We’ve all been there. Hardly a gang up.

So I guess if she annoys you she’s a guppy, but when she’s not, she’s the wounded. GTFOOHWTBS. lol

By Dan

December 16, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

@Foots

It’s like 7 of them mufuggs…I was addressing the one comment

Question, if I ask you to kick in the tip, and then pat you on the azz, would the “friend” mentality still be there for you?

Disclaimer: I said pat,not grab j/k

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

Poppa - Dr. Holmes was a collegue and a good friend of my father! The nicest man - I fell and gauched my knee when I was about 12 and Dr. Holmes stitched it up. He moved into a house over off Cascade that my uncle used to live in. He was one of the inspirations for me to go to UGA(other than they had a great business & journalism school). I have a poster of Dr. Holmes and Gault in the state trouper car the day they integrated UGA. It was for the 40th anniversary of that event. I used to see his widow and Hamp Jr. from time to time but it has been awhile. Small world - you know he integrated Emory Medical school too. Great man, died much too soon.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

Poppa No UGA doesn’t offer a lot of academic scholarships. So, it was definitely an honor.

I’m glad I came through when I did. I paid everything with my academic scholarship money: tuition, books, room/board, meal plan, and when I moved off campus, rent, utilities, food, clothes, electronics, everything!! It was wonderful not having to struggle OR having loans to pay back. All I had to do was get the grades, send in the applications, and I got my money supply replenished.

I always tell students to just apply for whatever you can, academic or needs-based. If you throw enough darts, you’ll hit the bullseye at least once. There’s so much unclaimed money because folks assume that the money isn’t out there or has already been awarded to someone.

By Wise Diva

December 16, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

hmm, I have read all sides of the debate, and I am kind of torn, LOL. I agree with the idea that sex is driving the man’s pursuit of women. I mean, what woman wants to be with a guy that doesn’t desire her physically? Raqi made a strong case there.

I don’t get, though, why men would take issue putting effort (money, attention, time) in women they would like to get to know. If you truly have a problem with it, I don’t think she is striking your fancy the right way.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

its all about respect….we splitting hairs over who pays what…if i ask i pay…if you ask then you pay period dot…not any additional fees like parking or tip…no problem….

Rell, I feel you. Just do what you do. The guys are talking about I got money, and I pay. So why would you even ask her to put in on it unless you were playing games?

I don’t normally go for the most expensive thing on the menu, so if I do, why am I playing games? It’s silly.

That’s all I was trying to say.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Testing people and seeing how they display their character are two different things IMO.

People are individuals though. Everybody doesn’t act or react the same. One dude may truly be anxoious or nervous to date you because I really thinks that you are “spiffy”.

Another dude maybe couldn’t care less about you, but just wants your “goodies”.

They will act differently based on such. Sometimes you will be able to tell and sometimes you won’t.

Btw…many NFL players do the chick pay for the dinner things b/c there are so many groupies and women that are trying to catch them slippin. I don’t want to go down the interracial thing with black athletes, but a lot of times, guess who pays?

By Wise Diva

December 16, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

relationships are not built on who pays and who does not…we all pay…in some form or another chuuuurch! I concur, and if you aren’t trying to build a relationship with a person, it would be a moot point. Amen, it is written

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

They will act differently based on such. Sometimes you will be able to tell and sometimes you won’t.

PG, hate to do this to you…but DUH!

I wasn’t talking about “being able to tell” either.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Rell I think that the prosecution can rest on your whole 1:49.

kimmie It is a small world. My ex-stepfather and Hamp, Jr. were really good friends. Holmes Jr was with Inroads Atlanta when I was in college, and it was through that connection that I was able to get into the program so late. That led to my internship, which led to my first job with this company, and 12 years later, the rest is history!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

if I ask you to kick in the tip, and then pat you on the azz, would the “friend” mentality still be there for you whoa,Dan,hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

By sidelines

December 16, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

Any woman in her right mind shouldn’t and won’t offer to pitch in/help pay/offer to pay when she’s been asked out, simply because you’re sitting across the table and it’s expected of her. There’s nothing in the world wrong with reciprocating taking the lead to pay or being thoughtful but expected? I’m expected to be a woman and that’s all I know to do and be naturally. Not serving some dude cause he’s on the other side of the table. Please.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

@ared/wise diva…i agree…if you feeling the women stick your best foot forward and encourage her to do the same…again it goes back to making the other party earn it…thats goes for both men and women….for men make her qualify for the position..dont cut corners or make admends…same goes for women…but here is the thing…one is always going to be weaker than the other…..so if you stronger impose your will..period..funny thing is we need to place expectations on our partner even when dating…if they dont meet them when dating they never will…this is how you establish respect…

By Angie

December 16, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

LL reads like a female. my bad.

one more thing, i forgot to ask something, then i’m gone for real. lol.

is it ok to ask an ex permission to buy a life policy on them?

the policy he has for jr. is not enough to even cover college. i need more to comfort him in the time of need and provide him with everything a young man needs from his dad. am i wrong? i have a 200k on myself for the boys.

By Wise Diva

December 16, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

ohh, Poppa G, you will have to guest blog for us on that topic! hmm

By Foots

December 16, 2008 2:13 PM | Link to this

Dan LOL!! Stop with the devil’s advocate! You wouldn’t even ask and you know it.

Rell I’m still with you on your 2:16 too.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

we all pay…in some form or another… ,^Rell

I don’t get, though, why men would take issue putting effort (money, attention, time) in women they would like to get to know It has been said,u werent listening.Raqi said it,men wld rather they sexx u first and get to know u later,if u good and lovely,good.Why wld a man want to spend a whole lot just for sexx? The prudent thing is to spend a lil for dinner then sexx u,if its good then we continue seeing each other.If u a sweet girl,thats a home run.If sexx is bad,u go ur way,i go mine.No need to know each other. In case u missed it,10.47 am: Men want sex from us. Period. Some of them learn to appreciate all the other stuff we have to offer, but initially their interest is sex U not reading carefully Wise.Now time to clean that and put it to wrk.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

* I don’t want to go down the interracial thing with black athletes, but a lot of times, guess who pays?*

interesting…i was sent earlier today a picture of a thick white chick that says

THICK WHITE GIRLS a thick girl minus the attitude and snappy fingers!

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

melo you are totally “misusing* my comments. LOL

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

Foots/Poppa - All of us native Atlantans are connected more than we know! That is so cool - we’re fortunate to know such as Dr. Holmes and his family.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

is it ok to ask an ex permission to buy a life policy on them? its ok to ask the father about anything, as long as it concerns/benefits the kids and u not putting it across as if its about u and ur comfort.Its all in the delivery of the message.And the amount too will come into play.Its his decision and his money,dont compare it to what amnt of insurance u have for them.U do that,u lose the plot.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is proba¬ bly because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts—about your motives, the depth of your feel¬ ings, and so on. One well-timed ac¬ tion that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake—any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets’ sake will so overwhelm their emo¬ tions, they won’t notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people’s resistance, or complain. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something ex¬ treme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattain¬ able, worth fighting over.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

I think I’ve found the divide. Most of us know that some type of money exchange will transpire. The guys are saying since you haven’t preserved your product it’s not worth footing the whole bill. The women are saying if you like me I’m worth every penny. That’s good work if you can get it but acording to all the ladies in bville the guys havent fallen for that line yet. A chick with value still gets the full monty and can divorce and remarry before most chicks can get married the first time. There aren’t that many out there that understand the game because they’re too busy trying to play it.

sidelines tomorrow you’ll be on here preaching about how you’re an independent BW and you can carry your own bloomers, but when you had a chance to chip in you passed because you’re a woman and thats beneath you. WOW

By Foots

December 16, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

Angie You’d have to ask him to buy more on himself. You have to have an “interest” in that person when the policy is purchased, meaning a spouse, business partner, child, etc. In your case, you may not have sufficient interest to take out a policy, it would be like me taking one out on you.

Depending on the age of your child and how long he would need the economic benefit, he could consider an inexpensive term life policy. If he gets a 20-year term policy, that should be long enough to provide for him through college and part of his early adulthood. Remember to have him set up a trust for the child as the beneficiary, as making a child the beneficiary himself isn’t always the best thing to do if you want the money to last and get used for the intended purposes.

As we learned in class, a person is much more likely to become disabled during their lifetime than to die. Sounds weird, but it’s true. It may be a good idea for you to check up on your disability insurance too. Keep in mind that if you become disabled, chances are, the child will still be with you and you will still have to provide with limited income if you don’t have the insurance. If you die, your child will be provided for through your life insurance. So don’t forget to cover the risks involved with daily living, the risk of becoming disabled.

Whew, I’m tapped out and I need something to eat. That was nearly 8 weeks of knowledge right there. LOL!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Wise,is acting mushy and stuff saying we need to get to know each other..blah blah.I knw the feeling Raqi, esp after u hit once and u need seconds right quick.Some chics will start talking the getting to know each other talk.If u good and ur stuff is kept right,no man is running away.Simple.

By Dan

December 16, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this

Y’all talking about Dr. Holmes from Grady. The administrator from Grady?

By Angie

December 16, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

melo i’ll be paying the premium and i would suggest at least 100k. all i can afford is term anyways. i’m trying to think of the reasons why he would say no. i’m nervous because i really want this for him. at age 9, that boy has big dreams.

when he comes monday to pick up jr. he will pass right by my agent’s office, statefarm. sign and go.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

AR

Well then we were talking about different things.

Yeah, if guys tells you in advance that it is a test. Otherwise, you don’t really know if it is a test or not.

Wise Diva

I wasn’t with that too much. However, what I do know is this.

As athletes, our lives were out there to be found. Internet made it even easier.

I remember meeting a chick that knew my middle name (government name), My parent’s names and hometowns, my hometown (at the time I was with the Bengals), my grandma’s address, and how much money for which I signed. It was all online. I can’t tell you how creepy that is to experience.

I was just a practice squad guy. I really felt for cats like Takeo Spikes….who was well known.

It makes it difficult to trust anyone intentions towards you. The date paying thing was about seeing about her. After all, our vitals were already out there to see. ESPN has players estimated salaries on it. So, leading with a wallet isn’t necessary.

A lot of times those who presented themselves are people who were generally concerned about the players got the upper hand. Unforunately, Sistas rarely gave the impression. It gets tougher to know who likes you or likes what you have.

Pro-athlete tend to live in a different world. Always worried about safety and worried about people trying to take what we have. There is always some paranoia there.

It isn’t a “normal” life. Look at Redskin Safety Sean Taylor. He was at home when theives came to rob him and ended up dead.

I constantly say that I don’t trust adults any further than I can throw a MARTA bus and my pro-athlete experience shaped that.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

LL reads like a girl..WTF??? That is a first!!!

Anywho, at Foots 1:43, What I was getting at is that there is a fine line between Prostitution and Dating! In reading many of y’all today, you are proving my point!

The scenario usually goes…Dude wants sex, woman does too, but she is not putting it out on front street, at least initially, so she allows dude to take her out, knowing the entire time he wants sex, so she allows him to spend money on her until she is ready to give him some sex in return for good behavior of elicit favors.

Now both clearly benefit from the sex, but he pays more often for services than she does, but he is okay with that, because he hopes to get sex in return and when he finally does, he looks at the money spent as a good R.O.I. ( Return On Investment ) for y’all non financial cats…hummm…sounds like prostitution if you ask ya boy!

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this

A chick with value still gets the full monty and can divorce and remarry before most chicks can get married the first time. There aren’t that many out there that understand the game because they’re too busy trying to play it.

DAYUUMMMMM now that is the TRUTH there!!!

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

A chick with value still gets the full monty and can divorce and remarry before most chicks can get married the first time.

Truth, some chicks make it a mission. They get it cuz they try harder and will stoop lower to get it.

I went out with some girlfriends on Sunday. We were drinking and laughing it up where this guy decided to crash our party. By the end of the night, I had him paying our entire bill. If I set my mind to it, I’m sure I could have a “Big Poppa” out there. I’m just not willing to do just anything to get it.

By Binford2k

December 16, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this

The Holiday Season is upon us and I see the title fight is in the deep rounds!

I still say this is a weird time in history where many people are not sure of their “roles” anymore. From a man’s point of view (and my own personal experience), women want to be equals up until the time the check comes - then they want to be “woo-ed”.

If you’re equal, you chip in half. If it’s “traditional”, I am the lead dog. Ya dig.

Don’t ask for a hybrid …it’s one or the other.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

*Well then we were talking about different things.

Yeah, if guys tells you in advance that it is a test. Otherwise, you don’t really know if it is a test or not.*

PG, Of course we are. My point from the beginning was that testing folks is wack. It wasn’t about not having expectations, it wasn’t about trying to figure out which was which YOU added all that.

I guess since school is out, you need to unload your hot air on someone. I wasn’t hardly off in orbit with you though. LOL

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Truth Gotcha - I don’t care how many tests/tricks dudes are running in their mind. I had a guy take me to lunch at McD’s one time. I had a feeling he was ‘testing’ me but I just rolled with it. The relationship broke down when he told me it was a test and he asked my honest opinion what I felt about it. I told him that I think tests of such sort are reserved for children and I didn’t need him to fund my eating and nice establishments - I can afford to take myself to the nicest establishments out there. He didn’t like the response, but he shouldn’t have asked….

By abc

December 16, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

What is it with yall and the dayum tip?

It’s just the friggin tip. Who cares if she tips well or not? Tipping in restaurants is a guy thing. Chicks are usually lousy tippers anyway, why’d you want to do the waiter like that? Poor dude wind up with $5 instead of $20 on a $100 meal.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

LL reads like a girl..WTF??? That is a first!!!

Anywho, at Foots 1:43, What I was getting at is that there is a fine line between Prostitution and Dating! In reading many of y’all today, you are proving my point!

The scenario usually goes…Dude wants sex, woman does too, but she is not putting it out on front street, at least initially, so she allows dude to take her out, knowing the entire time he wants sex, so she allows him to spend money on her until she is ready to give him some sex in return for good behavior of elicit favors.

Now both clearly benefit from the sex, but he pays more often for services than she does, but he is okay with that, because he hopes to get sex in return and when he finally does, he looks at the money spent as a good R.O.I. ( Return On Investment ) for y’all non financial cats…hummm…sounds like prostitution if you ask ya boy!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

i’m trying to think of the reasons why he would say no ah:

1) u have a bad relationship

2) he doesnt like ur boyfriend and thinks u may u may place a hit on him

3) he cannot afford it coz his income stream is not consistent=drug pusher

4) he just biaatching

5) he not broght up that way and never saw nobody claim insurance,other than welfare.

6) lots of educated black folk dont have it,so hes not in a particularly unique situation if he refuses.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Dan

Dr. Holmes (the same one that the MARTA station named for) was the first black man to attend UGA. Ms. Charlene (Hunter) Gault is the first woman.

Dr. Holmes also went on to be the first black at Emory Medical School.

Dr. Holmes started his collegiate career at Morehouse and was Phi Beta Kappa. As a result, he was chosen to apply to UGA. (Phi Beta Kappa means that he should not have been denied due to academic reasons.)

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

You know if you think about it, the economy is built around female spending or males spending money on females.

Retail Stores = Female Spending Holidays & Birthdays = Female Spending

Homes = 90 Female Spending, the basement for the male = 10 percent, but he pays half or all of the mortgage.

Cars = In a married situation, she makes the final decision on the purchase in most cases.

Food = She is the one who buys the food.

Nightlife = She gets in free, he pays!

Based on the above, I think I will remain single and invite chicks to free events, with free food and cheap liquor..lol.

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

Dan - Dr. Holmes was medical administrator at Grady for a while. Did you know him?

By Dan

December 16, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

@kimmie

Know him? Dude saved my life - twice

Good man

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

…Merry Christmas…

Ladies, can you give men tips on when women are using them?

I’m pretty sure most grown folks have some perspicacity when they are being used. The problem i‘ve observed, is when they allow themselves to be duped, and then say they’re ‘a player’, or having fun tricking.

Aren’t two people who really like each other supposed to rely on one another if they are able to provide something?

If we were all created equal, then the before mentioned “rely on each other” would be valid.

Shouldn’t men be able to show how he can protect, provide, and support a woman?

Yes, with that ^ particular man, not a day sooner than she can bestow loyalty to him.

Shouldn’t a woman be able to demonstrate how she can be dependable, nurturing, and reliable for her man?

Yes, see answer to question 3, above. Men and women alike have to learn, and stay focused on what’s important to them in a relationship.

Closing comment:

Get pass the past, people (men & women) have been exploiting others since before Bethlehem. Move on, and make new relationships.

There’s a reason why they did not make it in “a relationship” with you, bet glad that it didn’t!

….O yea, my opinion about who does, or doesn’t pick up ‘the check’ on a date, is this: Date yourself …this means, enjoy his or her company as entertainment while you’re treating yourself to a meal/outing.

Dates and hanging out with said ‘company’ is not barter for relationship status. No simpin’ required.

Go Hawks!

By Angie

December 16, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

melo thanks fella!

our relationship is pretty good right now, all smiles. and he doesn’t know about RW … yet!

wish me luck. imma ask this evening.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

abc I’m sorry but I’ve found that men are horrible tippers. Just the other night I went behind a man and gave a waitress and extra $5. He didn’t see it - I was coming out the restroom and he was already at the door.

Oh and in my travels for work, I’ve found that some of the men making the most money are horrible tippers. Dern Corporate Controller leaving 10%…

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

Dan - Amazing!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 2:54 PM | Link to this

Foots/Kimmee

I’ve met Hamp,Jr. as well. A couple of my UGA friends are Alphas (Dr. Holmes & Hamp, Jr. are Alphas). So I met Hamp, Jr at some cookout of something….it may have been one of those Alpha Pajama Parties at Memorial Hall. I Columbia wasn’t too far to experience the pajama party…all I had to do was get to Athens and the rest was taken care of.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

melo (thump) my very first comment said that you should get to know each other. And I stand on that. To know where a man’s interest lie does not mean we should forego all other interactions and communications in getting to know each other leading up to the possibility. It just means, know what you are dealing with and women need to stop fooling themselves by thinking he is into you for the sound of your voice and fullness of your lips. When it all comes down to it his desire is to have those lips against his and hear the whisper of that voice in his ear.

But all of the other stuff does count.

By DASvenus

December 16, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

sexyCool thank you sista…. been lurking all day waiting for just one female that understood that ‘to use and be used’ is the definition of life. thanks for your post!

good afternoon bootiful ppl reciprocity is a facade if it aint in the mix from the beginning. some ho not just the body, but their smile, witty convo and their escort service (just showing up for the date). a man shouldnt have to ask for his date to contribute to the fine time being had by all. it should be volunteered.

you cant be independent and then sit like you dont know what a check is when the waiter brings it. have money enough for the meal (his too) and a taxi-cab. cant go wrong with that…..

i agree that its a test of sorts…. but not one concerning your character. its to find out if money is a issue…. if it is, then men know they dealing wit a gold-digger…. and women know they dealin wit a talk-the-talk dont walk-the-walk kneegrow. if it isnt a issue….. well. it aint trickin if you got it.

theTruth correct me if im wrong…. but the operative words in your statement was with value. the full monty cant be got if its a mission or they stooping to get it. they get something in place of it though…. like having they bill paid.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Cars = In a married situation, she makes the final decision on the purchase in most cases. NOPE

Hers,she makes a decision on hers and we buy it if it fits the budget.

Mine,i just buy it.

I think I will remain single and invite chicks to free events, with free food and cheap liquor Do this only if u gay!!

The best is to invite them to ur house,let them buy the food,u re-imburse her when she gets there.Take turns to cook and u eat at ur table. Play Indoors!

Thats a winter program. Summer,we roll the program in 3 months.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

dizzle comes a dime a dozen around these parts. So very true Angie! MOst of it your don;t even want! LOL

But it’s not a relationship deal until I give him sex. Regularly. Damn that…he will not get the comforts of a relationship without being in one. Again…another mistake I have madde and learned from.

Le Siren I agree and live by that 11:54 post you had. My mami taught me the same way. Not to order nothing I can’t pay for. But when you said, ” Broke men who try to date make no sense to me… Girl you hit the nail on the head. Why do the brokies want to try to pick up a woman knowing damn well they don’t have a pot to p*ss in nor a window to throw it out of.

Now some years back when I first moved here I did not have a job for a few months. I did not try to date anybody. Guys approached me and asked me out and I told them that it was not the right time for me to date because I have to get my affairs in order (a job and my own place because I was staying with a distant family member). I guess now I know why I got such strange looks. Whenever I do go out…when the bill comes even if he asked me out I asked how much mine was. I never assume a man will be a gentleman! I am always prepared to pay for my own. However, if he asked me out and allows me to pay he is so going on my Do Not Date list. So I can understand the character test. Even if he says he is paying I offer the tip. One time this guy didn’t give me the chance to and he basically suggested that I pay it. So to not make a scene, I did. And never talk to him again.

ARED My birthday is December 5th, right between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s far enough from Christmas to get both a bday and Christmas gift Being born on the 2nd..i say there are 3 weeks between the two. There is a paycheck somewhere in there! LOL

Poppa I don’t trust adults any further than I can throw a MARTA bus Story of my life…and I had no NFL career. Just really phucked up people!

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

Random thoughts

I don’t think my neighbors are too bright, judging from the messages they post in our community listserv. Good grief.

I walked into the break room and not only are their holiday treats…but there are Fatburger coupons as well. Oh yeah!!!

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

What is it with yall and the dayum tip?

abc once a person has worked for tips (men and women), tipping well is not a problem.

For any meal from the mexican cantina down the street to The Sun Dial the minimum should be 18-20%. It is what the server/wait staff lives off.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

@Cemeeli You just painted a real pretty picture that does not exist anymore, esp. in Atlanta!

Bottom line…

When was that last time you heard of a man having to in your words protect, provide, and support a woman?

Women earn more, have better jobs and are more employed at the moment and suport they daymn selves???

Shouldn’t a woman be able to demonstrate how she can be dependable, nurturing, and reliable for her man?

Still got a flashlight out in the daytime looking for that chick?? When you find her,send her my way. The majority of these chicks are out for self or selfish with theirs, so I don’t think the above situation quite fits the mainstream.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

abc/tazzee

I don’t think that gender has anything with being a bad tipper, which is why I intially ignored abc accusation against women.

I have found that it revolves more about upbringing. If mom and dad made the tip important, the kids was more likely to place an importance on it. At least until they learned better.

My dad had this card that he would look at that would let him know the correct amount he should leave for a tip.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

Ared not true. Some chicks are just pursued because their make-up is that of a wify. Your girls can go out there and push their product and it may work but it usually doesn’t last. The same sickness that gets them to that point usually shows up real early.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 3:05 PM | Link to this

melo (thump) my very first comment said that you should get to know each other i dont deny that.The sequence is what makes this a chicken and egg thing for men and wmen.Men say sexx first,women, know me 1st,sexx later.A woman than wins this contest is good at manipulation.Coz by delaying sexx,having the man pay and him getting time to know her,it achieves her ideal.Most men will bail out tho. What i know is this because chics dont tell,they can tell their friends one thing,but do the exact opposite.If a chic likes a guy,she is not going to take him on a merry go round be4 he hits.That i know for sure.What she tell her friends maybe way diffrent!!

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

@Cemeeli You just painted a real pretty picture that does not exist anymore, esp. in Atlanta!

Bottom line…

When was that last time you heard of a man having to in your words protect, provide, and support a woman?

Women earn more, have better jobs and are more employed at the moment and suport they daymn selves???

Shouldn’t a woman be able to demonstrate how she can be dependable, nurturing, and reliable for her man?

Still got a flashlight out in the daytime looking for that chick?? When you find her,send her my way. The majority of these chicks are out for self or selfish with theirs, so I don’t think the above situation quite fits the mainstream.

By sidelines

December 16, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

Truth sidelines tomorrow you’ll be on here preaching about how you’re an independent BW and you can carry your own bloomers, but when you had a chance to chip in you passed because you’re a woman and thats beneath you.WOW Correction love, that would be thongs Yes, I’m independant and can not only carry my own thongs but wear them (well I might add). I’ll any day on chipping in per se but when it’s my turn and I got this I know how to pull out all the stops and give the royal treatment. You men are misunderstanding.

to use and be used I agree as well

By sidelines

December 16, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

Truth sidelines tomorrow you’ll be on here preaching about how you’re an independent BW and you can carry your own bloomers, but when you had a chance to chip in you passed because you’re a woman and thats beneath you.WOW Correction love, that would be thongs Yes, I’m independant and can not only carry my own thongs but wear them (well I might add). I’ll pass any day on chipping in per se but when it’s my turn and I got this I know how to pull out all the stops and give the royal treatment. You men are misunderstanding.

to use and be used I agree as well

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Truth, you said some, so I don’t disagree.

Just like you know some simply have an agenda and will know exactly what to display and what to hide to get what they want. LOL

It’s no coincidence that some of these women end up with one celebrity husband/baby daddy after another. lol

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Staceye

Poppa I don’t trust adults any further than I can throw a MARTA bus Story of my life…and I had no NFL career. Just really phucked up people!

For me, I still had to be taught.

I remember meeting this chick in Miami (South Beach) in the lobby of a hotel..you know the hotel lobby bars are down there. Well, we kinda hit it off. She asks if I’d like to join her in her room and get more comfortable.

We get upstairs, she closed the room to the door, and reached into her bra and pulled out a whistle. She blew the whistle and a few of my teammates came out of the closet. At which point, they explained to me that I was just lucky. It could have been some dudes in the closet to rob me, hurt me, or even murder me, which had happened the year before. They made it a point to express to me that I should never go to a female’s room (especially one that I didn’t know.)

They just instilled in me you really have to watch who you trust.

BTW, the female was one of their wives.

By Angie

December 16, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

thank you foots for that information!

hey staceye!

and truth, anybody can get married. that’s not the problem. i want to be married ONCE as in one time.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

Melo on your 2:56….LOL..Nothing else needs to be said after that one!

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

@ Longtime - It really doesn’t matter if Atlanta, or Halifax Novia Scotia…people are people and have been since B.C., folks are a trip.

When was that last time you heard of a man having to in your words protect, provide, and support a woman?

I have a couple examples around that i’ve observe, and absolutely put the golden stamp seal approval on.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 16, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli you have got to be my sister from another mister! Co-signing your post chica, well said.

Ya’ll have kept it going something fierce in here, Im still trying to speed read and catch up!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

Poppa as far as tipping…I just leave 20% of the bill…unless she/he has gone above and beyond then I may add a few extra bucks. The economy is tough on us all…but I know they make under $3 and hour so the tips are the bulk of their money.

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

Poppa Okay you are bringing back too many memories now! Yes, I remember those Alpha pajama parties, though they had them at the Tate Student Center when I was there! I have pictures in my scrapbook of me and some friends at one of them. They were always fun and since they were held on campus, they did not get too scandilous, had a little class to them! My dad was an Alpha too, as well as his 4 brothers!

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

THESE CHICKS ARE NOT SELFISH…they are tired of these dudes trying to run dizzle in them for free…and then splitting when the next graduating class hits the street…i say again in month 12 of this year..they want a strong dude that will stand by what he says and back it up…someone who will show them a good time not spend…have passion and interest beyond sportscenter at 6…ability to communicate any trangression or emotions….stop whining about selfish women….because they are not…i am married and i meet more women now then i did when single and i dont talk that much…so again is it my presence or what i say….if you look like a king you will treated as such…playing dress up only gets you so far….

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

We get upstairs, she closed the room to the door, and reached into her bra and pulled out a whistle. She blew the whistle and a few of my teammates came out of the closet.

PG, I know it wasn’t funny at the time, but I hollered so loudly at this. So glad you were okay.

You must have jumped out of your skin tho. LMAO!!!!

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

Chelly?…ah, NO!

and…

I thought “queff” was banded from around these woods?

“Silly @zz broads” is not conducive of healthy “labeling” the ladies. <—- WTH? :/

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 3:18 PM | Link to this

angie most ladies can’t get a dude to take that long walk because these chicks focus on short term goals. Not building value. Not uppng their game. lets not act like most ladies could even get a bum to marry them.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Good job today Rell.

By MELO

December 16, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

know it wasn’t funny at the time, for me PG, what was funny was imagining ur dizzle causing havoc as u went up but suddenly wilt like a dry leaf when she was whistling and not laying up.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:22 PM | Link to this

AR

You must have jumped out of your skin tho. LMAO!!!!

As Bill Cosby says…”First I said it, and then I did it.”

I needed a new pair of Hanes.

Yeah…we all laughed it up afterwards. But I appreciated the lesson.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

PoppaG you’re right, I guess I was moreso defending my gender to abc’s comment. Although I will say that I’ve seen more men that are bad tippers than women. Probably because I experience more ‘new’ dining experiences with men. We’re good tippers in my crew, at least 20%.

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli Notice you said a couple out of how many?? We got like 5-8 million folks here in Atlanta and you have seen and I quote “a couple” what does that tell ya? I have to wake u up from the fantasy, but we live in different times now.

Don’t get me wrong, if I were to ever marry I would serve and protect to a certain degree, but all that captain save a * is out the window!

By MELO

December 16, 2008 3:26 PM | Link to this

good nite pple. Tmrow iam gonna tell u what really went dwn this past weekend.U wont believe who i met.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

Kimmee

they did not get too scandilous, had a little class to them!

Too scandilous?! I don’t remember too many pajamas…a lot of female had on some see through lingerie type stuff and many of my crazy friend wore nothing towels around the waist with shorts underneath.

Being on campus seemed to limit the amount of alcohol there, but not eliminate it.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

PG, hee hee hee…

I remember one time Beau had some boys coming into town, so he gave me a heads up that he was gonna have a shake dancer over to entertain. About 3 am he calls me, whispering “Amazon the stripper had a gun and robbed us” My heart jumped out of my chest. He was playing a prank on me though.

I’m glad he is aware that stuff like that could happen. I would have never thought of such a thing happening. LOL

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

Melo

We are cool and all, but please don’t be imagining my dizzle.

This is the ATL, you know.

There are too many dudes thinking about other dudes dizzles.

But you are right, it was a wild roller coaster of emotion.

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this

Poppa - Guess things changed a bit after I left!LOL!!

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

@ Longtime…Yes we do live in this “new time”. But nothing under the sun is really “new” in the sense of morals/value/guide/protect…yada…so act accordingly.

We got like 5-8 million folks here in Atlanta and you have seen and I quote “a couple” what does that tell ya?

That i’m only 1 imperfect women in the 8million imperfect ppl in this city. And that i only need and want ONE (perfect for me)man out of the masses.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

AR

That is when men are prolly most vulnerable, so it does happen.

There was an episode of Steve Harvey that played the same scenario as that.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

Kimmee

The party of which I speaking the most is one that was during the early 90s maybe 91 or 92.

I remember the Tate Center one as well. It was more subdued than those Memorial Hall parties.

The last one that I attended was at the place called the Classic Center, which was off campus. That was 1996 (I think).

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli “That i’m only 1 imperfect women in the 8million imperfect ppl in this city. And that i only need and want ONE (perfect for me)man out of the masses.” AMEN!!!

How are you today?

By mytwocents

December 16, 2008 3:54 PM | Link to this

Biker Boy It seems you have yet to receive the 12 pack of Corona I sent the lil elf over with. Or maybe the lime has mysteriously gone missin… cuz yous hot under that collar. Composure in jeopardy!

By mytwocents

December 16, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

Biker Boy It seems you have yet to receive the 12 pack of Corona I sent the lil elf over with. Or maybe the lime has mysteriously gone missin… cuz yous hot under that collar. Composure in jeopardy!

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

Are you all still debating who should and should not pay?

Yall know since the beginning of time the task of delving out the dollars was given to man and for woman to have his back. Now if you still paying out the pocket for the same woman who has yet to show due interest to you and later having your back…yousafool in your own right.

Now as for tipping, as a former parttime waitress, please don’t skimp on the help’s pay. She got mouths to feed.

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

Ironically, when ole boy picked up the tab for me and the girls, he did ask us to leave the tip.

We had no problem with that. LMAO!

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

PoppaG, I was wonderinhg if you would comment on Melo’s visual (ROFL).

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

Poppa Case in point how men t hink wiht the little head more than the big one! They were right…it could have been anybody! You were lucky. Moral of the story: Fellas is the azz really so important to risk your life on? That also goes for STDs?

Rell THESE CHICKS ARE NOT SELFISH…they are tired of these dudes trying to run dizzle in them for free Ok you are surprising me…yet again!

By SeanJohnson3000

December 16, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

@BK…… U dropped jewels dude.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

That is when men are prolly most vulnerable, so it does happen.

Poppa (disclaimer: kinda sorta kidding) men are most vulnerable when yall are nekkid. If Mase finds himself in the shower, tub or bed getting in an elevated disagreement with me, he will get up/out and either wrap a towel or robe around his waist or put on his Hanes. Every single time. He can’t argue his stance while flapping in the wind I guess.

I believe the more physically exposed you men are the more vulnerable you feel. But that’s just me and my opinion.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

Poppa The last one that I attended was at the place called the Classic Center, which was off campus. That was 1996 (I think)

That would have been the first one I attended. That was one of the best times I had, and was the best Pajama Party they threw during my four years. Once they lost the Classic Center and moved it to the Coliseum, it was over for me. Acoustics were terrible, so the music was hardly heard, the seats were too far from the dance floor, so once folks sat down, they didn’t get up. But that party my freshman year was amazing.

I wore a floor length deep purple gown that I actually had tailored for the event (too much scholarship money), and a matching robe, with gold heels. Most of the women there with next-to-nothing of were not folks from UGA. Those dayum Athenians and Georgia Southerners! LOL!!

But both ya girl and my best friend went the classy route. Didn’t get as much attention, but I still had more than I could handle…wink

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

Hey Sister Cee!

Tazzee - I remember my aunt telling me about having to add more to the tip when she went out to dinner with a longtime boyfriend. He would take her to some really nice places but skimp on the tip and it would embarrass her. I always over-tip unless it was super subpar service. The wait staff really appreciates it too - I know that’s their livelyhood.

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this

@ Tazzee - I’m doing okay. Today, I am overfeed and underworked. I’d been enjoying the lights/decorations around my neighborhood going home. Lately i’ve purposley left the office at nightfall so i can catch ppl when their Christmas light are one.

God has ways of cheering us up…:)

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

TRUTH…

One of the things I can’t stand is when folks get behind someone else’s moniker to argue with someone and not use their own!!! I come in to check to see whwere the convo is and dis’ heffah, why not stick to yah own shyt….

I have no phuckin’ idea who this person sidelines that your arguing with, she’s obviously a punk beyotch…

But, its not me, thanks!!

Everyone please have a good evening, hey Staceye!!! waving…rollin’ my eyes, not at you sistah girl, dang!!!

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

WD, are you still thinking about doing the playful award ceremony at the end of the year? Some of these bloggers are most deserving!

By "Longtime Lurker"

December 16, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

@Raqi Different times brings different situations!

In the past, women were not as well off as they are now and men were expected to do more.

Times have changed now and men are not earning as much as women and in many cases, men have more financial responsibilities than most women, esp. if they have kids or pay heavy child support or alimony.

As a man I want to always have the option to pay, not be forced to pay!I don’t think women truly understand how expensive it is to date, esp. if it does not work out.

I will in most situations take care of the bill, with no problem, esp. if I invite you out, but what I am seeing more often is women taking advantage of the situation and not being considerate of that man nor stepping up to the plate and showing that man she appreciates his time, money and efforts.

Hard times brings a reduced effort in some cases and brothers are cutting back on who they spend on and how much they spend.

If we see some R.O.I. then we may continue to spend, because we are both getting a benefit out of the deal. If we don’t see an immediate return in most cases, we may cut our losses early and move on.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

Raqi

First, I think that females are just better multitaskers, period.

Second, we can’t just “hang” right after the shower, especially if it chilly….then that leads to other distracting thoughts.

It can be like the morning wood fairy made a reappearance

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

@ Kimmie There’s a wedding this weekend and i’ve seen the finish combination of colors; apple, brown, and champagne.

Gurl, at first i was trying to see it and i asked Essence <- cute, hubby loves her name, me too. What is that color combo?!?

Now that i’ve seen all of it together…girl, It’s BANK!

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

@staceye

Ok you are surprising me…yet again!

on the real for those that have talked to me on some real know that i listen extremely well and i give good feed back…i just clown on her at times to blow off steam and say things i would not normally say….or dont feel like saying to hurt folks feelings…but i think that way for real…i hate complaining or folks that do it…you can do whatever you want in life…you decide and choose your path…no one else..dont like the chicks in atlanta…either move…or travel or get your international dating on…its all there for you to do….but i get that women are tired of the same thing just repeated…i see and hear about it daily…lol….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Sidelines I was wondering were you swagga-jacked…or shall I saw moniker-jacked! It just didn;t sound like you! LOL

By Blow Me a.k.a. I AM GETTIN MINES IN DA 09

December 16, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

Raqi No it does even give me a slight clue…lol…It’s fine mommas…Just wondering…You sounded like a vet…just asking..not intentions behind it. But I know women sometimes does not like to tell their age. But I am diggin you points none the less..I am learning something today.

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 4:19 PM | Link to this

Cee - Okay, I can visualize that! So different, nice!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

Foots

Once they lost the Classic Center and moved it to the Coliseum, it was over for me.

Ugh…The Coliseum…ugh..double ugh.

You UGA alum (lord knows there are a a billion of y’all aroung her) should band together donate money to retire the Stegasaurus.

That place was state of the art…..in 1960. Even South Carolina has a better basketball facility than that.

I remember going in the Coliseum once and seeing a stage at one end of it and thinking that it just looked like a bigger version of my high school gym. It is poorly lit, and the acoustics are just bad. You guys take in too much money for that.

I know that UGA is a football school, but spend some money to help your basketball program. Better facilities will help bring better players.

I’ve seen Florida’s facility and I was simply amazed. No wonder they have a winning program. I would wanted to playing in this place.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

sidelines my bad. Middle fanga to the imposter.

Staceye a dude will risk it all on azz like a chick will to have a baby. Folks die doing that too but that doesn’t stop them. Btw, my hands are cold. Turn around so I can warm them up.

The fellas are carrying BK on their sholders today because he held it down. Dude is p** tho because his car flunked the emissions test and he’s not gonna have enough cash for his date tonight.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

sidelines my bad. Middle fanga to the imposter.

Staceye a dude will risk it all on azz like a chick will to have a baby. Folks die doing that too but that doesn’t stop them. Btw, my hands are cold. Turn around so I can warm them up.

The fellas are carrying BK on their sholders today because he held it down. Dude is p** tho because his car flunked the emissions test and he’s not gonna have enough cash for his date tonight.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

Longtimer let me whisper a little something in your ear. Don’t show the ladies all your cards up front. Stay with chain restaurants and coffee shops until you know she can be something special to you. If you lead out every first time with $200-300 outings you gonna always feel like you getting duped.

It’s a sad truth but the best things in life aren’t free, they are earned. Just like respect.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

LL !I don’t think women truly understand how expensive it is to date, esp. if it does not work out Then men shouldn’t try to date anything born female in a skirt. Be more selective. Trying to get the booty can be expensive huh? LOL

Rell Yeah I think I will date internationally! LOL

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

*By sidelines

December 16, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

Any woman in her right mind shouldn’t and won’t offer to pitch in/help pay/offer to pay when she’s been asked out, simply because you’re sitting across the table and it’s expected of her. There’s nothing in the world wrong with reciprocating taking the lead to pay or being thoughtful but expected? I’m expected to be a woman and that’s all I know to do and be naturally. Not serving some dude cause he’s on the other side of the table. Please.*

Stace, you’ve known me how many years…I would have never said some dumb shyt like that!!!

By DreamsMaterialize

December 16, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this

kimmie Now that’s unwarranted jab number 2. wassup with that? I don’t “fret” about who has it better in life. I handle my own, always have. I pay my own way in life and never expect that anyone will do that for me. I just expect that from others as well. I’m not saying that I never do anything nice or that I never pay, but there’s nothing ridiculous about expecting someone to carry their own. Some things are unfair and affect me adversely, and others work in my favor. If it works in my favor, I exploit it, if it doesn’t then I play the appropriate defense to minimize the damage.

By Raqi

December 16, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this

Poppa the first time I noticed it was while were just dating and I asked him ‘so you leaving just because I don’t agree with you?’. He said ‘i’m not leaving I’m just putting my pants on’. He covers up every time.

Blow I was just messing with you. I’m 40.

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this

kimmie… Correction: I can hear E-Dub correcting me on the proper names of the wedding colors.

That’s: Apple, chocolate, and champagne.

I maybe she’s trying to get ppl roused…lol.

By Foots

December 16, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

kimmie Tazzee - I remember my aunt telling me about having to add more to the tip when she went out to dinner with a longtime boyfriend.

I’ve had to do it too. I still do slide a few extra dollars in there if it’s not what it should be.

And also, when I’ve been to a place like Benihana on a date, most men haven’t been aware that you are supposed to tip the chef who is preparing your meal and doing all the tricks. Because there is no way to be discreet about that, I’d had to do it in front of him once it was clear that he didn’t know. It only takes that one time, and they will not make that mistake again if they happen to return.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

Raqi

Cool breeze after hot shower isn’t good if you ain’t bout to play the get down game.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli Those little things can turn a busted day into a great one. I’m enjoying the fact that I have no traffic after work…helps the fact that I’ve been working 12+ hour days.

Congratulations to Roddy White and Michael Turner for making the pro-bowl although I think they should be starters - as a homer

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Truth No probs, just wanted you to know…

Staceye, you going home for NY’s eve or staying in town???

By Foots

December 16, 2008 4:34 PM | Link to this

Raqi If you lead out every first time with $200-300 outings you gonna always feel like you getting duped.

Hellz, now I feel duped!! What dudes are out here leading wtih $200-$300 outings?? LOL!!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

Tazzee

Congratulations to Roddy White and Michael Turner for making the pro-bowl

So, you will get to see some of your precious Dirty Birdies in Honolulu.

Seriously, congrats to them and Matt Ryan who got a number of votes…which is big for a rookie QB in the NFL, it almost never happens.

By RELL - BISHOP

December 16, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

@raqi..i agree

It’s a sad truth but the best things in life aren’t free, they are earned. Just like respect.

thats why men should make her earn the way up to the 200 dollars meals..i once had a friend that imposed a no gift giving rule for the first year…he did not recieve or give…he wanted to be sure that it was the real deal before he came out of pocket..he had a one year rule on gifts and six month rule before he had sex with the women..and it worked…i was like wow…go figure

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

Kimmie Shalae’ Johnson

btw- Need to be said long ago, anyway…

I’ve read you over a year now and have noticed —> “i’m a people watcher” Lol. You are the poster chile for what most single w/ no kids guys, and gals say, what they wouldn’t do, and what NOT to do. You have dated, built an inspiring relationship with a single father of 3 (i think), stepped in there and pulled weight like you love that man.

Sis i applaud you, do that!

By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

December 16, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

@Raqi

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a first date to see if you will click with someone. I think the misuse comes when you allow it to go further and you know you have no intentions of having or attempting to have a true relationship with the person.

Extremely well-stated. The first time is a potential investment in the future. The 2nd,3rd, 4th, are using. Dayum good and insightful. Big thumbs up.

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Sidelines wink wink

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Tazzee - I’m all over that.

Go Pro Bowl!

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Tazzee

What my former USC teammate John Abraham didn’t make it. He is having a career year and the Predator has like 15.5 sacks this year.

Channeling the late Bernie again…”That is some BULL!!”

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

Dreams - Kinda messing with ya, just kinda kidding! I just notice you do that alot, maybe you don’t realize it - always pointing out some “advantage” others may have in a situation. In this case, other than a few trolls that pop in occasionally, you’re preaching to the choir. Us blog ladies seem to be able to handle our own and recipricate in a dating situation. Nobody likes to be used - is this not what today’s topic is about?

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this

Ared GTFOOHWTBS You know I’m gon’ have to use that right?!

Diva I don’t get, though, why men would take issue putting effort (money, attention, time) in women they would like to get to know. If you truly have a problem with it, I don’t think she is striking your fancy the right way.

I just don’t think that money should be a required condition, that’s all. You can parallel that with the ring thing. Yeah I’ll present you with one, but if I don’t, is the deal off? Are you down for me ‘cause I gave you a ring or because I’m dat dude?

Rell interesting…i was sent earlier today a picture of a thick white chick that says

Send me that pic bruh… so I can make copies and post that joint up on lampposts all around town.

Truth A chick with value still gets the full monty and can divorce and remarry before most chicks can get married the first time. There aren’t that many out there that understand the game because they’re too busy trying to play it.

Dude, I’m gon’ have to cite you in my upcoming book.

LL You made a nice showing today bruh.

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

Use or get used…nuff said

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Rell

It’s a sad truth but the best things in life aren’t free, they are earned. Just like respect.

Nothing is life is free.

I pay for water with a water bill. Georgia Power have their hands out er’ month. Eggs don’t cost 0.99 anymore, so the food bill had gone up.

I did get free parking in the MARTA lot while I rode the train, but it looks like they are gonna start charging for daily use as well.

To top it off, I pay $25.00 every April so that I can get so-called clean air. So, air ain’t free either.

Ain’t nothing free!

By kimmie

December 16, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Sister Cee - That’s why you’re my blog sister! Thanks girl!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

December 16, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Truth I guess I am not a normal chick…I am not willing to risk my life to have a baby.

Now get your hands of my azz! LOL

Sidelines I thought maybe you were drinking during lunch and that was the licka talkin’! LOL

Oh girl you know I will be headed up to kick it with the family and friends. My homegirl and I are getting our tattoos doen together again. That’s my dog…we both got the Butterfly tramp stamp! LOL Now I am getting another one!

Um how about your imposter has the nerve to wink at you! That is some ole BS! LOL

By AmazonRed

December 16, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

BK, you pretty much already use the sister version with GTFOH. LOL

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

PoppaG I’m mad Abraham didn’t make it. At first I started to post ‘here’s hoping Abraham, Turner and White make it’ - then I decided to check nfl.com to see if the teams were announced…I really wanted to see Abraham in there. To quote something I said earlier - that’s some ole BS!!!

By Blue_Kolla The Big Hitta

December 16, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Yeah but “WTBS” on the back adds a little extra umph. LOL

By Sidelines

December 16, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Staceye 4:49 LOL Fuuuuny

By Cemeeli

December 16, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

kimmie Cee loves it, cause you love it!

Trust, dude appreciates ALL that you do, and who YOU are.

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

Tazzee

Ohhhh…you blog cussed again!

By Leggs

December 16, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this

All I can say on today’s subject is this is part of what’s wrong with the dating scene. Everyone wants to get a leg up on the other. It seems not many want to be upfront and honest play games and running tests is their bullet proof vest in continuing down a particular path. The basic concept of going out simply to have fun and get to know another is floating down the river with the trolls. Everyone seems to have a hidden agenda and it’s a damn shame.

Good night everyone!

By SMH

December 16, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

Leggs All I can say on today’s subject is this is part of what’s wrong with the dating scene. Everyone wants to get a leg up on the other. It seems not many want to be upfront and honest play games and running tests is their bullet proof vest in continuing down a particular path. The basic concept of going out simply to have fun and get to know another is floating down the river with the trolls. Everyone seems to have a hidden agenda and it’s a damn shame. And that’s about the gist of all that was stated today. Sad but true.

By Tazzee

December 16, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

LOL - keep in mind that when I say that, I actually say BS. But if someone gets me heated enough the actual words might come out.

have a great evening all - enjoy this warm weather.

By DreamsMaterialize

December 16, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

kimmie I gotcha. I like to look at things from all sides, so I usually make a counterexample to what people say so the other side can be seen too. So if I point out an advantage that someone has, it’s just as a counterexample to someone suggesting that all things are equal. Now no more jabs. lol

By Poppa Grande

December 16, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this

Tazzee

I don’t use profanity that much.

It actually bother the wife for a second because she cussed more than I did.

I just told her to tighten her game. I ain’t gonna start cussin’ more to make her feel better.

So, neither of us use much profanity.

By The Truth

December 16, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this

Tazz whats going on woman? Where’s this potty mouth coming from? You bee nback in atlanta to long already? LOL

Das I finally finshed. Woosh

By John1164

March 21, 2009 1:44 AM | Link to this

Very nice site!