Misadventures in Atlanta

By Lisa Lowe

November 18, 2008 8:28 AM | Link to this

I’m recently married and dealt with both issues. But before taking the plunge, my fiance and I read this book, “Conversations Of A SISTAH” The Truth And The Myth About Praying For A Mate by Tracy L. Bell. It dealt with a lot of issues we found helpful and rewarding. The bottom line, you must know what you want in both situations and some people grow into it.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 8:41 AM | Link to this

The standard euphemism is that we “make time” for what/who we want in life.

I think that it is partially true, and partially false.

When who we want comes into focus, we find that we’ve had the time all along, and all that was missing was this person to focus (or distract) from what we were thinking about.

As far as the difference between want and need, we each desire different traits in mates, but what we want in one is the same for all of us.

Shout out to KW (Money Mike)! Get better homie.

And WD, Maxwell was a technology and science nerd before he got on, don’t believe me - ask Sonja

By JJ

November 18, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

I don’t NEED a man, I WANT a man. Big difference.

I can take care of myself, pay my own bills, house note, etc. I WANT a companion. A real man. I’ve waited long enough, I deserve the best man I can find!!!

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 8:49 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I have never thought of a relationship or a marriage as losing my identity but rather as the merger of two people to create a new entity.

Now I am of the belief that we all need someone..but that doesn’t mean you have to be needy. Let me explain.

We may come into this world alone..but we are not meant to be alone. If you are human then you need human contact. Even sociopaths(sp) need human contact..(granted they kill the person or eat them) but they have a need. However, that need can be morphed into something unhealthy when your desire to be with someone..overshadows common sense. For example I was talking with my sister this weekend about how some women want a man so bad that they will put up with anything..just to have a man. Its those women that give the rest of us a bad name because they encourage the boll weevils of the world.

where did I put that thang—here we go…dragging soapbox out of the closet..

I have to say I absolutely hate the phrase..I need a man to make me happy..or once I get a man I will be complete. Normally I don’t speak all churchy on here..but since we have alot of holy rollers in this camp I am going to give you a few lines you can relate to..”Sometimes you have to sing your own self happy, and encourage yourself.”

It is not the job of any man or woman to come into your life and shout your troubles over for you. If you are unhappy without a man then you are going to be really unhappy with one. Don’t put that kind of pressure on some nameless faceless dude or dudette of the future. Its not right. I am happy right now..and hopefully when nameless faceless future dude shows up he will be happy too and we can skip our happy azzes off into the sunset and dance when it rains.

Kym is now stepping off my soapbox

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

@Sassette

Got me LMAO…stop!!!!

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 9:09 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. I would rather want a man than need a man. However, they both go hand in hand when the right man comes along. I want him to want me. I want him to need me as well. I need him to love and respect me. I need and want to unconditionally give this back to him. My desire to have “his back” and he has mine is a paramount want!

By lovelyliz

November 18, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

I would love to find that special someone, but at this point it’s not looking good. I am old enough to understand what I can put up with and what the men I meet out there are looking for so I am not counting on spending the rest of life with anyone other than myself.

I also have a difficult time contemplating failure. So many of the people in my circle of family friends, co-workers have failed and msot miserably at marriage. what’s the point of getting married jsut to divorce down the line?

By MLL

November 18, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Sometimes you have to sing your own self happy, and encourage yourself PREACH! @ Sassette

By lovelyliz

November 18, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

I would like a good man NOT an ex-husband.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 9:18 AM | Link to this

@JJ

So you’re an independent woman huh?

Good for you!

Heeeere’s your cookie!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this

U want a man,or u need a man,so whats the problem?

By Mochasiren

November 18, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this

I feel like my wants/needs coincide with each other. I need a man who’s strong mentally and physically. I need a man who’s emotionally open and a good communicator. I need him to be spiritual (not religious). I want a man who’s a protector and a good provider. I also want him to be physically attractive and sexually compatible with me. There are more, but these are some of the most important. These needs/wants are all necessary in order for us to have a complete fulfilling relationship.

By Shaw-T Lo

November 18, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

hell, i need/want a woman right now, shyte,it’s too cold to be alone. holla at yah boy.

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

Dan

Do you have something against independent women?

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

I desire as well as need a man in my life. It is not the type of need where I can not function without him but it is the type of need that fulfills a desire that I have. I desire his companionship, his strength, his viewpoint, and his touch.

I am not ashamed to say I need my husband.

Now as for making that life adjustment, it was and still is just that an adjustment. There were a few times while being my old bytchy self I would walk in the room and see him or turn over in the bed and say “oh you still here”. That stemming from the time of being used to him going home from my place or me leaving his place after a disagreement. And sometimes I had/have that thought when I just want to be left alone for a minute.

By Tim

November 18, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

It is quite beautiful to hear smart women speak so candidly about a subject that most women simply lie to themselves about. I am sure that all of you have male freinds that you consider “real men”, and if you asked them, they would most likely tell you that we don’t have this problem because we understand that having a good woman to spend your lifewith is bigger than a want or a need..Its about completing who you are.In my life for example, I was financially succesful, personally accomplished ect. but It did not mean as much until I found the person that made all of those things worth being. Try changing how you look at things. Ask yourself if when you are 70 will, will you want / need a man, or will you just want to have that person to remember a lifetime of living with?

By MELO

November 18, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

Shaw-T Lo give the ladies ur contact maane,4ne,email whatever,why u playing…..its really cold out there and im sure u will be successful on this female infested blog.Good luck!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 9:41 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. :-)

By Dan

November 18, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this

@China

No, Nothing against an independent woman.

But I expect an adult to have a job, pay their own bills, and have an asset base regardless of gender.

To state, in the manner that JJ did, that these things are somehow the province or the duty of an amorphous “man”, yes….with that I have a problem.

If every guy stated that I have my house, my car, go to work, pay my bills….you would have the same reaction I do when I hear(read) a woman state that: and?

That said, taking care of your responsibilities in life (esp. the one’s you’ve created - credit), is not something to crow about, it’s not the province of a potential mate, and thusly not something that I want to hear.

It’s a defensive statement, in my opinion, speaking more about a lack of capacity.

By RELL - looking for yams

November 18, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this

GOOD TOPIC DIVA

peep the new essence…they have a good write up on will and jada..actually its a convo between them…very insightful…and it speaks to this topic….people are always going to want what they cant have..and shun what they need….thats why its easy to seduce alot of you fallen stars

By Barbara

November 18, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Good Morning Blogers, I need the grass cut, the gutters cleaned, the fire wood split, and some furniture moved around, BUT I want a man! But not just any man…a willing, able participant in lifes daily essentials.

By FedUp

November 18, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this

If you need a mate, then you should probably not be looking for one right now. You have much deeper issues to deal with. I have been without a mate since ‘91, after nearly 18 years of marriage, and I feel no need for a mate, nor a want for one either. If “Mr. Right” happens along, that’s great, but I refuse to settle for “Mr. You’ll Do”.

By Riz

November 18, 2008 9:49 AM | Link to this

Want? Need? Does it make a difference to the men who approach you?

How many countless times have we seen men approach women in social settings ask to take a conversation further and only get laughed at or a hand thrown in their face.

If you want/need a man please make sure that after having met you a man would feel like he wants/needs you!

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

@dan….homie you need to sell that online for 19.95…..that independent ish and diva crap has been the death knell for many a black women…..i feel the same way….i pops my collar to you today playa

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

I remember more than a few times when I was very rigid and those days when I couldn’t quite get it together my mom would say “you need a man” and she was serious. LOL And today I clearly understand what she meant.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

LOL. A lot of heat coming off these computer screens so early in the mornin’. LOL

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

China Doll

I am actually with Dan on this one. The independent woman mantra just screams of low expectations.

I put in the same boat as a man that brags about taking care of his kids. Just like taking of yourself should be.

That is some stuff that you should do. It is obtaining low hanging fruit and bragging about it.

Furthermore, I am of the belief that the tongue speaks life or death. If you say that you don’t need a man, you won’t have a steady one. You already give the impression that he is expendable. It will go down hill from there.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

@Rell

Thanks. If there is one thing that bothers me…it’s that whole “I got my own..” statement/mantra/sentiment/thought process.

I was raised to believe that the person that you spend you life with is a compliment to your personality, your being, essentially your counterpart.

That persons job is not to “complete you”, not to “save you”, but to be a part of the life that you’ve created for yourself before you met them and the personality that you have when you meet them.

So if you have no possessions, no personality, no sense of self - no one can give that to you.

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

I have relatively few needs and my wants are fewer still. It’s funny because men who draw me into a conversation about them usually shrug off my response like, “oh that’s easy,” or skeptically ask, “that’s it?” And yet, they can’t — no, won’t — muster enough effort to accommodate what I think should be almost effortless if there’s a true desire to participate in my world. Simple enough solution…move on. So I believe wants and needs can be found in the same person when we take time to explore who said person is and then dive into the deep end. But since many of us tend to look at the opposite sex as one dimensional, it makes me question how many of us can actually discern their coexistence.

Also, I’ve found that we aren’t always aware that we have certain needs until someone starts to supply them. (Mmmhmm like tryna take a sip of water but drinkin’ the whole glass cuz you ain’t know you were so thirsty.) And it’s a shame that doing so or being the recipient of such can be the very thing to propel us out of something that could be great for us. It’s really alarming for some to find themselves in a happy place where no blaring red flags slow em down, ain’t getting nagged to death and dealing with the other person just makes us feel lighter, uplifted… as opposed to worn and beat down from a ten minute conversation. Cuz then somethin MUST be up. <— Now ain’t that some shiiii?

WD Please clarify - are you suggesting I re-evaluate the placement of Maxwell ‘like vocals & a large dose of Blair Underwood yumminess in the As Necessary as My Next Breath column? See, there’s two less right there…

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

Good morning!

hey Tim! because we understand that having a good woman to spend your lifewith is bigger than a want or a need <<— love what you wrote, ahh nice.

and hey now, you guys do NOT want to start bashing black women, do you? Because we can go round and round with that topic, and you know ladies can bring it too, so be prepared for responses, LOL

By M.

November 18, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

@Dan

Great comment “The standard euphemism is that we “make time” for what/who we want in life.”

Great comment because if you meet someone new, if they are interested, they will make time…No one is that busy.

Regarding giving up parts of your life, regarding dating, I think its about balancing having a life together and also your seperate lives.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

*That persons job is not to “complete you”, not to “save you”, but to be a part of the life that you’ve created for yourself before you met them and the personality that you have when you meet *

THIS PROBLEM GOES BOTH WAYS…MEN AN WOMEN SUFFER FROM THIS…but i agree..alot of folks go in looking to be saves

By C tha 1

November 18, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

I needed a woman….I wanted a woman….and guess what….I got a woman…way over town… that’s good to me. Ohh Yeaah!! Is she perfect? No. She doesn’t have to be. Does she turn me on? Yeah.

The holidays have a funny way of highlighting certain parts of your life…particularly family. Whether you spend time with your blood kinship, friends who are thicker than blood, or your work family its about appreciating the close bonds you have with special people in your life. I’m of the mind state that if one has a special SO make sure you have a strong tie that binds…even if you don’t share children together.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 10:13 AM | Link to this

@WD

Who said anything about Black women (hit dog hollering?)?

I’m talking about a mindstate that is pervasive (yes in the Black community) but pervasive nonetheless.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

If you say that you don’t need a man, you won’t have a steady one.

Poppa I agree with that. Convincing yourself into that mindset will have you treating the person in your life as a commodity and not a partner.

That “I am with you but I don’t need you” mindset will kill a relationship every time. Or better yet prevent one from even materializing into anything meaningful.

IMO for a relationship to exist you have to have appreciation for each other.

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

um RELL said it “death knell of black women” hmk? thx By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 9:52 AM | Link to this

@dan….homie you need to sell that online for 19.95…..that independent ish and diva crap has been the death knell for many a black women…..i feel the same way….i pops my collar to you today playa

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

the problem with men is that we have a tendency when that flame is on…to dub that special women for the moment…”THE ONE”….thus creating the problem now of average women that think above and beyond there current capabilities

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Dan, Rell & PG

I can say for myself, when it comes to finances and such, mine is straight. But that does not translate into “I don’t need a man.”

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

ok diva..i was speaking to that segment of black women still in the dark….we know it does not apply to all…just like we know the tags you ladies apply do not apply to all…..lets not play on words and miss the theme of the show….black women can be checkec/talked about…its need…just like men…hell overall we need a good reality check…just dont think you cant be checked….you were not always wise….

By For Real

November 18, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

Wise I think I stated this before but I will say it again.

NEEDS IN ORDER

Without those four things you DIE!! And Kym don’t even bother with that mental crap. A weak mind will doom you no matter the circumstance.

Thus we come to the other half of the equation.

WANTS

I have come to the conclusion that women absolutely do not know what the fugg they want because they don’t know the difference between needs and wants. As proven by Wise comment “I want a man that adores me and wants me to be happy. I need a man that can tell me no from time to time, and not give in to me on every single thing.”

Sorry sugabutt a.k.a Wise both of your statements are wants for a smart man to tell you want to do. Now go constrict me some citrus ×sinensis on a Breville Juicer.

For Real now humming Shouldn’t I realized….

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

@Dan

Keep in mind that you are the product of a post-transition culture…many women did not work outside of the home, could not get credit in their own names, and basically had a stigma attached to them if they were single, working, independent women pre-70’s…I saw and heard much of this when I was growing up…mainly from outside of my environmental surroundings because in most cases the men and the women worked in order to provide us with better options for a more secure and higher level lifestyle…so there are still many ppl who have contradictory expectations from both men and women as a consequence…and being in that twixt generation, I have heard both sides of the same argument over and over again…on one hand, I appreciate that I am able to provide for my own needs and well-being, but on the other I am often critized as being too independent to the point of excluding the need for a mate because I am able to do much and more by myself for me…sometimes, I think that women are prone to issue the statement of independence in order to convey that they are capable of doing for themselves on the level of individual sustinence and survival, but still can not seem to reconcile these issues with what the expectations in a relationship should be…it is a part of the conflicting gender values that have post-60’s come into play within relationship paradigms…for some it sounds like “if I do not need you financially, then why are you here?”.

By ATLWorldwide

November 18, 2008 10:29 AM | Link to this

Dan, what you are saying makes a lot of sense. But keep in mind that historically, a great deal of women were not able (legally, socially) to cover such bases and this led to most women “needing” men to survive because they were prevented from doing so on their own.

Thus when you get into the wants and needs discussion, many women look at what some women had to go through in past history, and reply that they do not “need” a man to survive in the world, but they “want” one in their lives.

Many women also look at some women who “need” a man to survive in life (survive as in acquiring food and shelter), and find those women to be “needy” and somewhat helpless.

We all need each other. But many of us define want and need differently because we see women who would “die” without a man, and find that type of woman is sometimes a pitiful sight.

I most definitely want a good man in my life. It is hard to say that I need one, because I would rather be alone than settle for something less than a man of standards close to the wonderful men I grew up with.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

Why is it every time the conversation on here comes up about needing and/or wanting a man or anything vaguely close to it, it always gets centered around finances?

As well as “I don’t need a man because I can take care of myself.” Is that the only thing some of you and others out there think a man is useful for? Or would that be the only reason in your minds why a woman “needs” a man? What gives?

I was doing just fine for myself and I still needed (and need) a man. And I know of at least three other very successful women who will declare to needing a man in their lives. There are emotional, physical and the need for companionship that go far beyond a financial need.

Now he must have a J.O.B. if he wants to be with me, but that a job is not why I need him.

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Raqi

IMO for a relationship to exist you have to have appreciation for each other.

That is exactly right.

WD

Black women aren’t the only ones that talk about being independent.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this

@M’K and ATLWW

Dan is the product of a single mother that had to “be independent” and with children.

Never once did she complain, never once was it a “badge of honor” and never once was anything but necessary.

She went through (and us with her) and it was the “queit strength” that talk so much about.

And in the end, that’s my model for a woman (a man) to do what needs to be done without complaint, without expecting congratulations, and simply because it needs to be done.

Anything else, speaks to an issue that one may have internally (to me).

By The Truth

November 18, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this

Good morning. Yawn, belch, scratch.

Dan/Rell/Poppa I’m with you guys and whatever you said. LOL

I believe to make it work you’ve got to have a combination of want/need because neither alone is worth much.

Wants come and go like fresh underwear and need alone is a bit desperate. Actually very desperate.

In my case I’ve always wanted a woman but never really needed one. With that thought process ending relationships wasn’t that big of a deal. I could replace one want with another and keep on moving. If I could clearly determine why I NEED a woman I’d be at the alter saturday morning and never consider getting a divorce when she gets on my last friggin nerve.

We must all realize that whether its want or need we’re trying to apply an old standard to new situations. The reasons people originally got and stayed together have changed to the point that todays unions have morphed into their own separate animal.

Indepent woman is an oxymoron. It’s just like dominant female. I’ve never met either one of those.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

M’Karyl @ATLWorldwide u all making very good sense.These women know what they want,they just dont know how to convey/articulate that message across accurately.Maybe what they actually do need is some home schooling/counseling on man and marriage and therapy,in other cases.Women do want men,but they send out mixed messages as if they dont want them,re: iam an independent woman.That boastful chant does not make u stand out as somebody who wants a man to holla.It rather makes playaz want to holla at u just to prove they can phuck u,prove a point and then let u go. Make up ur minds ladies and know what to say in this game.Otherwise u set urselves up for disposable play.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

I think that the scope becomes financial issues because of the changes in our culture over the last few generations…I remember growing up with kids whose mothers were not allowed to work outside of the home by decree of the husband…it was once thought within mainstream idealism that the man was responsible for being the breadwinner and the woman was responsible for rearing the children and making certain that the family lived within the means of the man’s earned income…that has drastically changed over the years in all but the mindset of some ppl…what used to be a clearly defined role expectation and boundry no longer exist as a popular notion…and we are only talking a few generations…and depending on the environmental influences of different individuals, the expectations are still ambiguous…quite a nut in a shell actually…how the expectation of roles are defined in this post-transition period is still under debate by some.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 10:42 AM | Link to this

Hold on, hold on!!! How old are some of these ladies on the blog? Woman not working???? WTF!!!! My grandmother worked and my mother worked. That’s two generation of women that worked. So, what timeframe do yall speak of when you write women could not work? Or are you confusing working with getting a job you want?

GROWN FOLKS ARE SUPPOSE TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!!! YOU DO NOT GO AROUND STATING I WASH MY OWN AZZ, SO WHY DO YOU GO AROUND STATING I PAY FOR THE HOUSE I LIVE IN?

By Dan

November 18, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

Becuase of the traditional gender role, that M’K was speaking on.

But in the end, you shouldn’t be with anyone for need (that makes you…well, you know). You should be with someone that adds value to your life.

Not materially, not financially (again, DIY) but emotionally.

And for all the “I am woman, hear me roar” when women are *expected8 to do certain things: why does it go back to “I’m just a girl, I should be praised extra”?

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this

For Real did I miss something what crap are you talking about?

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

Moreover, if you think and look back women have been thrust/thrown into certains roles by situation/circumstance.

We celebrate/rejoice in our independance mostly because we are “making it” regardless of whatever, “we made it/ we are making it happen.”

I think that men take our declaration of independance as a jab, rather than celebrating with us or recognizing our accomplishments.

By The Truth

November 18, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Good morning. Belch, yawn, scratch.

Independent woman and dominant female are both oxymorons. Never met either of them in my lifetime.

Dan/Rell/Poppa/For Real I’m with you all today no matter what you say, right or wrong. LOL Keep preaching.

I want a man that adores me and wants me to be happy. Is this not the stupidest shyt you’ve ever heard? You’re responsible for your own happiness.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

@Dan

I would expect that because of your environmental influences that you know the essential needs must be met by the adult who is responsible for the offspring…and no, it is not about boasting…it has to be done…so it gets done…your mother did not have a choice…she had to provide for her family…and that is survival of the fittest…makes good sense to me…but again, this post-transition culture of gender-based values within a relationship has been a real difficult issue for some to reconcile…I have even met men who could not figure out why I would need them if I was not financially dependent on them…WTF?!?!?!??!….if the option to be with someone limits, restricts or negates the options I can provide for myself alone…then alone I will be to do it…most men do not have the security to deal with a woman who can do more by herself alone than she can do with him…I have been there, heard that and dealt with it…never mind…just gonna keep on moving down the road….ain’t gonna figure this mess out until the middle of this Century anyway…and by then I will be too old to care…lol

By CARD PULLA, INC.

November 18, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Somebody on here need to stop posting right now, cause dey ain’t got a pot to p** in or a daynum window to throw it outta

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

@truth…its not stupid…..they actually believe it…..and historically thats what women want..they want the illusion of happiness..but not true happiness….true happiness for a women is boring….which leads me to my name today

A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy figure—when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Unlike the normal, cautious male, the Rake is delightfully unrestrained, a slave to his love of women. There is the added lure of his reputation: so many women have suc¬ cumbed to him, there has to be a reason. Words are a woman’s weak¬ ness, and the Rake is a master of seductive language. Stir a woman’s repressed longings by adapting the Rake’s mix of danger and pleasure.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

@For Real Historically, African American women have always been involved with the labor process in this country…as unpaid or paid labor…but yes, there are quite a few ppl who grew up in the generations where women, from the mainstream perspective, did not work outside of the home…most of my school mates had stay at home moms through almost the mid-70’s or so…and some beyond.

By Annoyed

November 18, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

Women have only recently been allowed independence (as in the last 100 years). And I think people underestimate the pressure placed on us to NOT need a man, or anyone for that matter, to help support us. Women who “need” men in their lives are often viewed as needy and insure. And relationships should be about wanting someone in your life not needing them. Dependence in a relationship isn’t healthy.

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Kym/The Truth I agree, of course I am responsible for my OWN happiness, I expect the man in my life to add to it. Truth, I am positive that is not the stupidest thing you have heard, LOL, but I admire your attempt at shock value, well played.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

Kym The last time we discussed wants vs needs you mentioned companionship as a need.

China “We celebrate/rejoice in our independance mostly because we are “making it” regardless of whatever, “we made it/ we are making it happen.”

So, you are celebrating living??? Is this a thing exclusive to women now? Hell crackheads do what you speak ever morning.

For Real now mixing Never Coulda Made It with Lil Jon!

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Mkaryl all you said is good and dandy however there was nothing mentioned in the entry about needing to be supported. It strictly talked about needing a man and WiseDiva listed her need for a man.

My husband takes care of me emotionally and physically. And I do the same for him. Do you think the only thing our fore-mothers needed from their husband was financial support? Do you not believe that there was some emotional and physical needs being met somewhere in there? Do you not think that at least some of them enjoyed each others company doing couple things?

IMO if a woman’s thought automatically goes to not having to be supported financially any time she is presented with whether or not she needs a man that tells me what she feels a man is useful or should be used for. We are living in the today not yester-year. Our minds should not automatically go to the situations of our family past.

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

Card Pulla, INC, you get the Passive Agressive Behavior award for the day! LOL geez

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 11:00 AM | Link to this

China Doll

No problem. IMO being self-sufficient is something that all adults (both male and female) should strive to be. It is something basic to our survival. It is a wonderful thing to be self-sufficient, but it shouldn’t be confused with independence. Look at the economic situation our country (& world, really) is in. We really are interdependent upon each other. IMO no one is truly financially independent. Our jobs depend upon other people.

We don’t spend money. People lose jobs. People lose jobs. We don’t spend money. It is a interpedent cycle

Furthmore, I just think that independent mantra is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you say and act as if you don’t need me around, why should I stay around? Would females hang around if suitors said and acted as if that they didn’t need them?

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

“Cause I am a Superwoman, Yes I am Yes she is, Even when I’m a mess, I still put on a vest, With an S on my chest, Oh yes, I’m a Superwoman…!”

LOL

By lady E.

November 18, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

I must agree with Dan & Rell!! I’m independent, beautiful, Divorced, all that. I want & need a man in my life. However, I think the real problem we women have is NOT getting to know these men before committing to a relationship. You have to put in the time to get to know each other before jumping in the sack!!

There is no need to sing the mantra’s. Put in the time, and men/women will be able to see the real you. Your personality, that you are responsible, kind, loving, etc..

Too many people are not willing to put in the time!! Impatient, anxious, emotional, etc…

If you’re not happy with yourself, you are not going to be happy with a mate!!

Don’t invite drama into your life, especially if you’re not happy w/self.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

“The shoes on my feet, I’ve bought it, The clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it, The rock I’m rockin’, I’ve bought it, ‘Cause I depend on me, If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’,I’ll buy it, The house I live in, I’ve bought it, The car I’m driving, I’ve bought it, I depend on me,(I depend on me)”

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

@Truth You never met an Independent Woman? This is not an Oxymoron. The problem is most women are moody and live for the right now. I am an Independent Woman and know that I don’t need a Man for completetion. That’s what we all want. COMPLETION… problem is most of us is confused on how to get there so we seek it through others. End the end we end of not being complete and settle for what we have just to say ” I got a MAN” A woman should never feels like they need a MAN and Vice Versa.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

Truth I want a man that adores me and wants me to be happy. Is this not the stupidest shyt you’ve ever heard?

Not quite, I believe this is the stupidest ish I have heard “I’ve waited long enough, I deserve the best man I can find!!!” but I still have more of the blog to read so….

Mk most of my school mates had stay at home moms through almost the mid-70’s or so…and some beyond.

You write this as if those ladies didn’t have a choice. You can’t choose to be a stay at home mom and then complain about not working. Oh women working is not exclusive to AA women either.

By MLL

November 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

For me it’s not whether I want or need a man it’s more of what I want out of a man and where I need him to fit in my life (and vice versa). I want companionship(in all forms that includes love and like) from a man - I need him to do his share of the house work (if we’re married) listen to my woes of the day and his total support.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

“I.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.e.n.t do you know what that mean? She got to her own house, he got her own car, Two jobs, work hard you a bad broad”

By Dan

November 18, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

@M’K

I posted a while about the difference in generations and “doing what needs to be done” and how it has changed.

It was a “head down, plowing through it, no excuses, no expectation of congratulation or thanks” to;

“I deserve to be rewarded for..” (what to me is common shyt).

And therein lies a difference - the response to stimuli and what we call life. Doing it (and getting it done) and doing it (and wanting praise).

By The Truth

November 18, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Wise Diva ok, i’m guilty of overkill. Lets just say so many women say they want a man to adore them then their every action says just the opposite. I’ve heard it a number of times and then when you look at the woman saying it all you can do is shake your head.

China what are your accomplishments? Please share those with us.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Good job Lady E. Welcome.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

For Real And I am mentioned it again today so what exactly is your point?

Raqi I agree with your 10:58 statement.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

@Raqi

ppl are more prone to have residual influences of their individual upbringings affected their contemporary mindsets…period…it just works that way.

As for me, it was common for both parents to work…and niether party was financially dependent on the other…it was a commonly shared bond of family support and betterment…being able to hold one’s own was just a given…period…everybody worked…it made the family a more viable and upwardly mobile unit.

My round the way point about finances is that some ppl, especially women, are still an issue becasue it deinfes who has control of the relationship…that is still a reality for some ppl…whatever it may or may not mean to ppl like you, me or some others.

By KaraokeGal

November 18, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

I too am an independent woman who is looking for a man to compliment my life - yes there have been times when I needed a “man” - I just get out the phonebook and look one up to repair this or repair that - ok - just a joke, please…….

I am so thankful that I can stand on my own - emotionally, physically, financially….but is sure would be an awesome experience to find the right one who can live, laugh, love with me.

I have dated some men who “needed” me - felt like a had a big case of static cling and couldn’t shake it - had to run like heck!!!!Just gonna keep on life’s highway and enjoy the ride - who knows what is in store.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

For Real speaking in his race horse announcer’s voice….

Annoyed has pulled even with Wise with JJ ahead by a link in the 25th annual Stupidest Shyt I Ever Heard Durby

Raqi We are living in the today not yester-year. Our minds should not automatically go to the situations of our family past. Like I have said before you get it with your quirky azz.

For Real now giving Raqi a congratulatory pat on the butt for her post 127 times.

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Poppa

I understand what you are saying…but what I said earlier is that just because I enjoy/celebrate my independence does not mean that I don’t need or want a man.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

@For Real

Obviously, you are not very familiar with how gender roles were defined pre-70’s…yes, for many of these women working was not an option available to them…as per the husband’s decree…women were not allowed to excercise a certain independence if they were to be deemed respectable as wives and mothers…learn some history chap or shut your trap…start with the culturally defined concept of the true cult of womanhood…also read “When and Where I Enter”…you need to bone up bro.

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Are you reading along, Marcella? Wondering if you’ve informed your family yet that the man they think you need is not the one you want.

Please be advised, Truth, I am available to housesit for a mere 100 Kuwaiti Dinars per day. Additionally, I will let sis take me on base to wallow in the savings, much like she does for you. This is my unselfish way of helping her maintain as much normalcy as possible during the transition. (Now crossing fingers, hoping your currency converter is on the blinks. Or that you’ll excuse my Recession Era tactics.)

Oh yeah, Raqi, I was enjoying my new coupon cutting hobby late last week and found a Honeybaked coupon. Hope you got it! If not, I can let mine go for a small fee. (Now crossing fingers, hoping your common sense takes leave. Or that you’ll excuse my Recession Era tactics.*)

By MELO

November 18, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

when it comes to finances and such, mine is straight so is that man’s.So what do u need in a man or do u need or want one?

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

At first it may seem strange that a man who is clearly dishonest, disloyal, and has no interest in marriage would have any appeal to a woman. But throughout all of history, and in all cultures, this type has had a fatal ef¬ fect. What the Rake offers is what society normally does not allow women: an affair of pure pleasure, an exciting brush with danger. A woman is often deeply oppressed by the role she is expected to play She is supposed to be the tender, civilizing force in society, and to want commitment and lifelong loyalty. But often her marriages and relationships give her not romance and devotion but routine and an endlessly distracted mate. It remains an abiding female fantasy to meet a man who gives totally of himself, who lives for her, even if only for a while

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

In regards to the WD’s Entry

When I looked at a possible mate, I looked at wants and needs a little bit differently.

I looked at my “needs” as my non-negotiables. There were certain things that I needed from a female for her to be with me (more than just sex). I needed a woman with whom I shared similar core beliefs. Things life religious views, self-motivated, family-oriented, etc. Most of these things are things that you cannot see.

My “wants” were the negotiable things. These were things that I could live with, like long stringy hair that gets on everything and wonderful singing voice. Those negotiables allow her to remain herself. (Which addresses point #2) For example, she is still the crafty chick that I met. She loves to sew, cook, crochet, and knit. She did those things when we met. It wasn’t something that I even thought about, but it came with the package.

It was kind of like car shopping. I needed a car that moved 4 wheels and transports me from point A to point B. (That is non- negotiable). My wants are the power windows, 6 disc changer that is the dash, heated seats, etc. They aren’t essential things but things that I would like.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

just because I enjoy/celebrate my independence does not mean that I don’t need or want a man.

China Doll - Amen.

Word to the wise guys, most of us women both need and want men, and will go as far as to readily admit it.

Any woman standing so strong on her “independence” is basically telling you in a subtle way to keep it moving.

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this

Truth

I have many but this is not the forum in which to discuss and it’s really none of your business. Thanks for asking, though!!! smootchies

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 18, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

JJ Good for you! I always say a man is an ACCESSORY….not a NECESSITY! But the way some women act you would think it’s the other way around. I actually love being single because I have a NO BS tolerance! But what I have learned while single is what I want/don’t want…and what I will/won’t stand for. But most of all I learned to enjoy my solitude and that my happiness is found within me and of course God. I think if people took the time to work on themselves before striking out to find a mate that a lot of problems would be solved. For example: if I am a broke guy who can’t afford to take a girl out on an inexpensive date because I have no job, or going through a situation…I would NOT try to get a woman’s number and waste both of our time. That would be the time I would take to focus on getting myself on the right track. If I am a woman who just had a baby from a deadbeat…I would not be out looking for a new daddy for my child. You as a single woman made the final decision to bring this kid into the world, now focus on being a mother. It is no longer about you. First handle that before getting the family picture burned into your brain and go on a replacement man seeking mission. If you are so worried about marriage/family, well maybe you should have thought about that before you had a baby before hand.

Now if I WANT a man…then I NEED him to be: Attractive, in shape, employed/financially stable, mentally Stable,intelligent, honest,humerous,adventurous and of course spiritual. I PREFER tall men because it’s what I am attracted to. I think I can relax that if he is very handsome.

Melo That boastful chant does not make u stand out as somebody who wants a man to holla Oh maybe I should holla it a bit more so they don’t try! LOL But I would love to watch them try to run the game on me to try to get the panties. It would be like watching a mouse in a maze!

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

11:13am sitting at my desk dogging the mountain of emails & ignoring a call from someone trying to sell me training. Considered jumping off balcony but decide against it for now….

11:18 Stop by and see what’s the dialogue on the AJC blog…”I Need A Man” hmmmph, right now I need a lollipop.

Do I want a man? Do I need a man?

It’s a saga that’s been droning on for literally months/years and I don’t care what I proclaim of my independence, it is of my goals to have one man in my life that I can cherish as my mate.

Will we make it to the “promise land”? I’m not sure but we are having ourselves some beautiful connection as we co-exist.

Cee now joining For Real background singing “Never Coulda Made It” with Lil Jon and lighting a “butt naked” scented candle.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

How about this song?

Ain’t there something I can give you In exchange for everything you give to me Read my mind and make me feel just fine When I think my peace of mind is out of reach

The scales are sometimes unbalanced And you bear the weight of all that has to be I hope you see that you can lean on me And together we can calm a stormy sea

We love so strong and so unselfishly And I tell you now that I made a vow I’m giving you the best that I got, baby Yes I tell you now, that I made a vow I’m giving you the best that I got, honey

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

LOL. I figured we’d get a visit by Staceye today.

Hi Staceye!

By Fulton

November 18, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

Personally, I need a woman that is mentally grounded and spiritually sound….I just haven’t met one yet. Unfortunately, it seems so many are caught up in drama and excess, they wouldn’t know a good man from a shopping mall!

By For Real

November 18, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

Mk Lets look at your post:

Response: As I stated before my grandmother worked and so did her 4 sisters. Futhermore, my grandfather had six sister and all of them worked. They are pre-date the 70’s.

Response: This goes back to choosing. Those women choose their husband’s decree by marrying them. If they wanted to work like the women in my family they should have picked a different husband.

Response: Which history do you want me to learn? Yours or mines? I’ll take mines.

Response: Zipppppppp thanks I sometimes forget to do that. So, how long have you been looking at my trap?

Response: No need to bone up on the history of women. Yall been crazy since creation and that’s all I need to know.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

@China

I want you (not you specifically, general terms) to celebrate your life in all it’s glory

But wearing “the S on your chest” about common accomplishments is not hott.

As for a relationship, identitfying exactly what you want from a mate (even in your independence) is what guys have been doing for years.

Welcome to the world of equal.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

Any woman standing so strong on her “independence” is basically telling you in a subtle way that she is >>>>>>>>BlackMamba-a man is an ACCESSORY**

By For Real

November 18, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

25th annual Stupidest Shyt I Ever Heard Durby….

Outta of no where like bullet shot from a gun comes Dany with her 11:06 post to pull ahead of JJ in the 25th Annual Stupidest Shyt I Ever Heard Derby. This is turning out to be one hellva race…

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

China Doll

Women on this blog complain about a man bragging about his matrial things such as houses and cars, why is ok for woman to do this?

It comes off as hypocritical.

When you start asking a man to do something that you aren’t willing to do yourself, respect starts to drop.

Kym

That is why Anita is my favorite, period.

By Annoyed

November 18, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this

@ Dan The world is not equal for men and women. We may want it to be and it may slowly be moving in that direction… But don’t kid yourself that we are there!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

Fulton, your post is hogwash. There are plenty of those type of women out here. Hopefully you aren’t drawned to the ones who have the most polish. That could be your problem.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

i loves me some staceye….right on time..tell em why you mad son…lol

By A. Showers

November 18, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

I WANT a MAN & I NEED A MAN! Wants and needs are so different but so similar in many ways. Once you get what you want then comes what you need from what you got. PERIOD!! If you dont get what you want you still recieve what you need & that’s LIFE!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

Women on this blog complain about a man bragging about his matrial things such as houses and cars, why is ok for woman to do this? cosign.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

@PG and that 11:41:

You said it, I couldn’t! Thank you!

And it’s not just the blog, it’s in real life these days.

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

@ FOR REAL and MELO Why do female independence scare you so? What’s wrong with a female having her mentals and well as her assets in line that she is not dependant on anyone? NO! Melo a Man is not an accessory a man is a want a desire. Not a Means to an END. He who calls names has no argument just unhappy with themselves!

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

PoppaG What’s up with them teasing D. McNabb?

By scorpio

November 18, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

I WANT a man to have a job and NEED for him to be great in bed. Period… Oh, I might as well add - have teeth, can think outside the box, be satisfied with his life and have travelled outside of ATLANTA.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

Poppa G Mine too. She is on the pod right now..singing this one I think it fits the topic atleast how I feel about it anyway.

Got the sun in the morning I got the moon at night I got your arms around me, everything’s alright Holding you tight is how I like to spend the rest of my life Feel the warm breeze blowin’ down through the trees I got your love beside me, child that’s all I need My heart and soul is wide open to you Nobody but you sweet baby No one but you yeah

Got to know that I want you baby Got to know that I need you darling I just want to say You’re my everything Like in all the songs I sing Of happiness and joy you bring I just want to say You’re my everything

Just wanna hold you, how I adore you You got that special touch That I long for oh so much Oh I’m amazed at how you right all that’s Wrong in my world All I am and I hope to be Is cause of you and what you do You bring out the best in me My heart and soul is wide open darling Nobody but you sweet baby No one but you

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Dan

As for a relationship, identitfying exactly what you want from a mate (even in your independence) is what guys have been doing for years.

Really….that’s kinda funny to me.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

@fulton…..dude….pls…there are plenty of women in the surrounding area on some cooperation….you just have to set your standards as a man…stop giving these bust downs your time and attention…..feel me…i know the streets are crazy with da average chicks…but dont be an average man..you dont have to stoop low to get a quality chick…

By Dan

November 18, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

@Annoyed

The world is what you make it.

If you think it’s not fair, then it isn’t.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this

Cee Because he didnt know they had tie games in Pro ball. He made a statement in a press conference about it.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Why do female independence scare you so?

Dandy, good question. This convo is always funny to me because all of us are pretty much agreeing on the same things.

Okay, so some women wear their independence like a badge of honor. Silly yes, but so what? At least she is handling her business.

Being a woman and knowing scores of women, I don’t know ANY who wear that badge so proudly that it would threaten an actual relationship. Staceye would be an exception and she’s made it clear that she doesn’t even want one, so she doesn’t count.

In short, these guys are watching too much tv or drawn to drama queens.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

It would be like watching a mouse in a maze! u stingy with that pudsy too,u horrible staceye lol

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Sassette You’re lyrical, care to share a nice quote or poem with us today? Help save Cee from going gansta during her workout. Enjoying that Anita over her….thanks.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Why do female independence scare you so Personaly,it does not and thats not the 1st thing i want to hear coming outa a woman’s mouth.Coz what she got, i proly have too,if not more,so?? Lets talk about what u and I can do for each other to make us compatible and happy,thats the most important thing. If i came in my ride and u came in urs why u gotta tell me that u got ur own car?

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this

Cee

McNabb is a punk. Period. I lost respect with him during that whole Terrell Owens saga back in Philly.

He and TO need to be fitted for dresses. That was unnecessary soap opera drama. Leave that stuff to Grey’s Anatomy.

What soap opera thing is he involved with now? Rush Limbaugh, Terrell Owens, now what else? I lost some much respect for him with the TO thing that he is invisible to me. He should have known that he would be scrutinized heavily in Philly. Philly fans booed his selection at the draft.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

@ARed

So of the women that you know, can I ask for a percentage of them that are, as you profess remember I don’t know you, NBF to be? Becuase I honestly put that number (of “like you’s”) at 10%.

@China

Why is that hard to believe?

I know what I expect of myself as a man, as far as how I live my life.

I know what I expect of myself as a man, for what I materially gain in life.

And I am learning, as a man, what I want in my companion in this life: in part becuase no one can tell me, and no one has tried to.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 18, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

M’karyl even though I have not exerienced what you saw. I know what you mean. I state that all the time that back in the day women did not have the options that we do today. All they had to look forward to was wife and motherhood.

Career…Please! Now we can have a career and some of us choose that route now. I feel the women were opressed back then. I have spoken to a lot of elderly women and they say that they wish that they had the life I have when they were my age. But life for them was a husband that they had to stay with no matter what he did because they had no options. So independent is not just doing what a grown woman should do for herself. But it is a liberation. Just as most of us never thought we live to see the day a man of color would become president and now that has most of us beeming with a new hope. Well, women can look back on where our foremothers came from and now they can see the first woman become a 4 star general in our nation’s military. Evolution! An independent woman is simply stating that she no longers need s man to build her the home she has dreamed of since childhood. She is in the time and place that she can do it for herself. If she nneds her grass cut, gutters cleaned, etc…she is now in the position to call and pay to have it done. These are things that women long before us coudl not do! So fellas don’t get your panties in a bunch because women aren’t breaking their necks to get you to marry them. Stop being intimidated and take pride in the fact that the independent woman willbe the one to have your back and handle your business if you can’t. What man wants a women that can’t do anything for cook, clean, have babies and screw? Oh wiat…there are some weak minded men who want that because they are too lazy to up their own game. So then they belong together.

Hey ARED!!! You know me so well LOL

Those women choose their husband’s decree by marrying them. I agree with you there buddy!

Hello Melo!!! You miss me? LOL

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this

@AmazonRed Exactly……………

By The Truth

November 18, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

China Baby I’m just trying to understand all of these achievements. Seems to me what women count as grand achievements are what men call just living. Working, paying bills, doing what you do. Where’s the great accomplishment? First women do EVERYTHING possible to make a man walk away from them then after they’ve adjusted to life without one it’s a great achievement. WTF?

Tatas thank so much for your kind offer. LOL Sis is going over too. She’s retired navy and has already been to the middle east. She may even get there before me. And one of the first things I did was to calculate the local currency. LMAO

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

@ared….i agree somewhat…i agree that some men are leaning to heavy on that melosexual side…ummm i mean metrosexual side….to me she can scream all that independent crap she wants…along she coming on cooperation i dont care what she tells the massive….she dont going to crack dem leggs open when the need arises….

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

Cee

Would you like a erotic poem? Or thought provoking poem?

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

Dan -

Yeah right. You know most of the women you know are handling their business w/out expecting a cookie more than the ones that are.

If you can not say that, then I’d say it’s a personal problem.

By Sonjia

November 18, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

I believe everything in life is simply a choice. You choose to love, and love is not based on you needing a man or a woman; it’s not based on how much the person makes or anything else superficial. I’ve stayed single for so long because it was simply my “choice” to do so. Now that I’m ready for a relationship again, and have chosen that for myself; I met someone who I consider very special. To me, relationships and love are about companionship,friendship,shared interest, and a common goal of acknowledging it takes, time, work, and effort to have and maintain a solid, successful relationship, and that does not happen overnight or in a few months or years. Anything worth having is worth fighting for and does take time. Another thing for my wonderful sistas is instead of constantly bragging about how you are independent and don’t need a man, etc. etc.; just for one moment in your life;take a deep breathe and enjoy being a woman and stop trying and acting “like a man”; and let a man be a “man”.One day you will be old, and alone based on the choices you make today.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

2E’s My platonic friend were have you been? How about we schedule a back bump bustn session at your place tonight for old time sake? And if you don’t have any bumps on your back at this time that’s okay take your shirt and bra off anyway I can scratch your bra print.

Dandy Can you define Female Independance? Then I will know if it scares me or not.

Kym Anita is the truth. You know every since women stop begging in their songs women have lost their everlovinminds.

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

Sassette How about sumthin thought evoking. U can geterotic with it too. Hahaha

By MELO

November 18, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this

Poppa Grande the punk is T O,McNabb is a gent instead.TO has attention problems,it must be him or else.He is the one who instigated that mess in philly,why u think he is the one who got purged.Mcnabb was booed on draft day but he got no control over that process,those fans boo evrybody, mother Teresa included. Staceye i miss u a lot.drop me a line from time to time.

By China Doll

November 18, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

I feel the need to digress…and so shall I. Exhaling

By kimmie

November 18, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this

Afternoon Blog Fam

I absolutely hate this topic! Every time they talk about it on Michael Baisden or any other forum, I tune out. Been reading some of the comments today tho. My observations and opinions follow:

Poppa - Women on this blog complain about a man bragging about his matrial things such as houses and cars, why is ok for woman to do this? - In my opinion it’s not okay for anyone to brag about material things. It’s tacky and shows a person isn’t used to anything.

The world is not equal for men and women. We may want it to be and it may slowly be moving in that direction… But don’t kid yourself that we are there! I like this!

Dan - But wearing “the S on your chest” about common accomplishments is not hott. Same as when some men expect a medal because they take care of their kids. You’re supposed to do that!

AmRed - I give you the award for the best quotes of the day: Word to the wise guys, most of us women both need and want men, and will go as far as to readily admit it. & Any woman standing so strong on her “independence” is basically telling you in a subtle way to keep it moving.

M’karyl - My round the way point about finances is that some ppl, especially women, are still an issue becasue it deinfes who has control of the relationship…that is still a reality for some ppl…whatever it may or may not mean to ppl like you, me or some others. You said a mouthful with this one. Money still means power in a lot of relationships, especially for a lot of old-school-thinking men. A lot like to beat on their chests “I pay the cost to be the boss” - men and women do this. A bad way to be in a loving relationship, but a reality for a lot.

IMO what a lot of people don’t get(or want to get) when this want vs need topic comes up is that noboby wants to appear hard-up or desperate, especially women. Modern-day women have had it drummed in their heads that a surefire way to scare a dude off is to appear too needy and hard-up. At the same time, they have to do this dance as to appear “not too independent” though. I’ve seen some dudes say right off the bat when they see a powerful woman - hey she does not “need” a man, before he has even met her or talked to her. To be in a successful relationship you must be willing to be vulnerable to the other person. Check your egos at the door. People need people. Everyone wants a soft place to lay their head, someone to talk to that “gets” them, someone they can trust and love, whether they want to admit it or not.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

AmRed - I give you the award for the best quotes of the day

Why thank you kimmie. I also hate this topic, because it is really not a real issue in the dating world. And if someone is bragging on doing basic ish, you keep it moving.

I don’t go out and meet guys who brag cuz they have a job and own a car and take care of their business. That’s a simply a punch line in a Chris Rock special in my world.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

People need people. Everyone wants a soft place to lay their head, someone to talk to that “gets” them, someone they can trust and love, whether they want to admit it or not.

^^^HOTTEST SHYT EVER!!!

Especially the part about the ego, I swear Kimmie, that was the end of the discussion right there!

Next Topic Kimmie ended this one!

By Dan

November 18, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

To be in a successful relationship you must be willing to be vulnerable to the other person. Check your egos at the door. People need people. Everyone wants a soft place to lay their head, someone to talk to that “gets” them, someone they can trust and love, whether they want to admit it or not.

^^^HOTTEST SHYT EVER!!!

Especially the part about the ego, I swear Kimmie, that was the end of the discussion right there!

Next Topic Kimmie ended this one!

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this

Cee I don’t have any thought provoking erotic stuff..How about this one?

Release Me The grip you have on my soul is like vise. The pressure you apply grows stronger and stronger as I struggle to breathe. Each tiny gasp of air a blessing, as my lungs beg for more I force myself not to lose consciousness I will not give you the satisfaction of knowing you have control over me I will not let you know the power your presence can wield But my eyes…They give me away…

Reflecting the inner struggle that I feel as I waiver between love and hate…happiness and despair My eyes will not lie for my soul…and my soul wants you. My soul is foolish, confused, wanting what it can’t have. Holding on to a pipe dream, confusing fantasy with reality…my soul is weak when it comes to you.

You …knowing the power that you have to control me…it is you who will have to save me from myself…you will have to rescue me from the brink of my own self-destruction…

You will have to release me

By CARD PULLA, INC

November 18, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

DO YOU REALLY HAVE JOB? IS THE COLLAR REALLY BLUE INSTEAD OF WHITE? BET YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOU?

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

That was on the money Sassette!

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Dan The new topic is:

“I Need A Man…For Reasons Other Than The Financial Support That Our Foremothers Depended On Them For Although I Imagine They Welcomed Everthing Else That Those Men Folk Brought To The Relationship Despite The Popular Belief Of Those Who Seem To Not Be Able To Separate The Then From The Now By Realizing Men Are Good For Other Things.”

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

Afternoon folks!

As usual, I’m late checking in - so I’ll just have to agree with Kym’s early comment and ARed’s latter comments (don’t feel like citing the time).

I have no problem admitting I need a man. The right one - if I didn’t think I needed him, then I wouldn’t spend the time needed to find him. I have to put find in italics because I’m very familiar with Prov. 18:22, however the time invested in getting to know men is part of the process of finding what I need.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

Ladies, would you give up your “independence” if you met a man who could provide for you where you wouldn’t have to work for a living? Even if you didn’t have kids? Let’s say he preferred you at home keeping a stress free house so that he was able to conquer the working world without being stressed at home.

There is no male version of this question cuz I think kept men are weak. LOL

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this

Men are Good For:

(Disclaimer: Tongue slightly in cheek)

By Angie

November 18, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

i want a man!

hi bloggers. have a wonderful day. wink.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

We were coming out of Best Buy Saturday and M stepped off the curb and in front of me telling me to hop on. This guy of a young couple, maybe early 20s, asked how old we were. When we told him he smiled and was like “that’s cool dude”.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

There is no male version of this question cuz I think kept men are weak. I have read about them,altho i admit,there are more of those on the caucasian side.But if Oprah werent taken,i wld do it.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

Thanks Leggs

By MELO

November 18, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

hey boss lady!!

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

I agree that Kept Man are Weak but so is a Kept Woman. Independence is not all about finances. Being Self-reliant just leave the door open for someone to want to full fill your wants.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 1:24 PM | Link to this

There is no male version of this question cuz I think kept men are weak. LOL

WRONG my lil cumquat…..kept men = gigglo…and like melo said…oprahs money is very attractive…lol

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

Staceye-

Careers a fickle, especially in the USA. Once upon a time, you got a job and were able to work it for 30 -40 years. That was the time of our grandparents and parents. My uncles worked at Delta for over 35 years. those days are gone. Placing you liberation in a career or job can be dangerous. The US unemployment rate is over 6% right now.

Unless Oprah is blogging with us, there are many financially liberated people on this blog (whether male or female).

I never forget losing a job and my wife saying “WE will get through this.” instead of “What YOU gonna do?” That is an experience that can make understand that a mate is NOT an accessory whatsoever.

You mentioned Barack in your post. For many of their years together, Michelle was the main bread winner. She carried the load. So, I can empathize with that situation and understand that an understanding and supportive mate is needed. Life can throw you some serious left hooks from time to time. It is a wonderful feeling to now that you have someone in your corner that has your back. That isn’t an accessory at all.

That career had no problem sending flowers to your funeral in the morning, and having someone else at your desk in the afternoon.

By MLL

November 18, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

Ared I’d take it in a heart beat…I’m not used to working….never work in my last 2 marriages and if I get married again I’m not going to work. I have no problem maintaining a stress free home for my hubby/family. I did it before and have no problem doing it again.

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

“Ladies, would you give up your “independence” if you met a man who could provide for you where you wouldn’t have to work for a living? Even if you didn’t have kids? Let’s say he preferred you at home keeping a stress free house so that he was able to conquer the working world without being stressed at home.”

In a heartbeat. I wouldn’t think twice about being ‘dependent’ upon him - he’s my husband and in saying I do, I’m saying I trust him with my life. I guess it also helps that I’m in a profession where, if something were to happen to my husband, I’m sure I can get my hustle on and we wouldn’t miss a beat.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

never forget losing a job and my wife saying “WE will get through this.” instead of “What YOU gonna do?” That is an experience that can make understand that a mate is NOT an accessory whatsoever.

You mentioned Barack in your post. For many of their years together, Michelle was the main bread winner. She carried the load. So, I can empathize with that situation and understand that an understanding and supportive mate is needed. Life can throw you some serious left hooks from time to time. It is a wonderful feeling to now that you have someone in your corner that has your back. That isn’t an accessory at all.

PG I AGREE…..been there several times in the fickle IT field..one minute you up next you down…and i keep thinking i gave up stripping for this ish….lol

By ATLWorldwide

November 18, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Again, I think the root of many of the arguments on this page deal with the definition of “need” versus “want”.

I think of a need as something that would cause me to die if I don’t have it (food, water, shelter). Thus, since there are many uncoupled people living and breathing, a relationship is not a need but a want.

However, if the question is restated and I’m asked if I NEED a man in my life to live in true happiness and to feel complete, then yes. I want and need a good man in my life in order to obtain true happiness. I also want and need a child in my life, but I am living fine without one at this time.

Again, want versus need. I need a good man in my life in order to obtain true happiness and completion. However, at this point, I have cleansed all the non-good men out of my life, and I am not currently seriously dating. While I could be much happier, I am not dying, and I am living well emotionally, financially, and physically.

I’m not arguing, just explaining. And my original post to Dan was not an argument, but an attempt to explain what some women are saying.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

Devil’s advocate….trying to maintain a stress free household for hubby to come home to may just create that = STRESS! For some of us it’s easy to do; however, for others, they can become panic stricken!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

I’d take it in a heart beat…I’m not used to working….never work in my last 2 marriages and if I get married again I’m not going to work.

MLL, I’d attend your seminar on how to do that. LOL. I’ve shied away from dating men already well off simply because I don’t like to seek anything I can’t also bring to the table. I’m getting away from that tho because there are certain things I could bring to the table that I wouldn’t want a man to bring anyway.

Dandy, a kept woman wouldn’t do “nothing” they would be expect to run the internal while the guy ran things external. But you’d have to be the type of person who’d believe in that type of thing. The “traditional” model is not a prevalent one anymore.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this

One of the 14,684 reasons I LOVE Michelle Obama:

Aides say publicly that Michelle Obama is not interested in helping shape policy or having a seat at her husband’s decision-making table. At least for now, she wants to focus on easing the transition for the girls, finding them new schools and getting them settled and comfortable with a totally new way of life.

“My first job, in all honesty, is going to continue to be mom-in-chief,” she told Ebony magazine, “making sure that in this transition, which will be even more of a transition for the girls … that they are settled and that they know they will continue to be the center of our universe.”

We all know what Michelle’s resume is and that she can pretty much run the nation just as good as her husband can. But I don’t think anyone will take anything away from her from focusing on family now instead of career aspirations.

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 1:38 PM | Link to this

ATLWorldwide I get you completely. If you break it down to what is needed to survive - I guess one could say I don’t need a man.

But there is something in me that seeks intimacy with a man, that seeks a lifemate - and no matter how many times I go through periods of not even wanting to be bothered with the opposite sex - that intrinsic desire ‘to mate’ is still there and resurfaces. No matter how many times my heart gets broken or I’m simply let down by the opposite sex - that desire never leaves. No matter how many times I may have tried to pray it away.

I believe God created us the way he did so that we need one another. The physical way that we ‘fit’ together is just a natural manifestation of that.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

Disclaimer

I don’t care which way you slice it, who’s doing the keeping Oprah, Queen Elizabeth, etc. My opinion is that kept men are weak. No changing that you can voice your disagreements while knowing my opinion will not change.

Thanks. :-)

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

@TAZZEE So once you have give up everything you lose control. Yeah you trust him because he is your “everything” and you said I do. You are 100% depend on him. To the public eye you have everything you want but behind close doors he beat you every day or cheated on you and expected you to ask no questions. This is the possible price to pay to have it all without the work. Are you willing to pay that price if need be?

Like people, relationship plains change with the times. So he may not be the same person you said I do to when you had your own dependence.

By The good side!

November 18, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this

Props to all independent beautiful sisters for doing what you do!

Now, I need Ms. Black Mamba to hollar at a brother!

Not only do I fit what you are looking for I am ready to increase your blood pressure, supplement your emotional needs, stretch to the limit your physical desires and strengthen your spritual essence!

Mamba, I can tell you are ready to strike!

By Jamoca

November 18, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Hmmm….I would think being independent is the norm. However, for one to have the need to feel they must over achieve or overcompensate their accomplishments speaks volumes about that particular person – man or woman. It also shows how they deal with their own feeling(s) of self worthiness or lack of. For instance, their feelings of inferiority by overachieving career wise or even personal achievements when it comes down to what they’ve acquired, accomplished, etc…all based on so and so, which a lot times are people they don’t particularly care for (and vice versa), yet feel the need to impress or rather “Trump their shyt”.

However, I do find it quite strange yet so interesting, while their adorned with their personal trophies and such, all the while their underachievers when it comes to intimacy and/or platonic relationships. (…and I said SOME).

Though it does resemble some sort of outcry that it is “their loss, look at me, I’m fabulous”. I just figured that it is nothing more than a mere shield – a tool designed to prevent anyone from getting close enough to see the despair, resulting in their own imperfections. But what “they” do not realize, if one would simply listen to the words that roll from their tongues, one can easily hear the despair, without ever having to hang around long enough to (unfortunately) witness it.

IMO those who trump their achievements, independence, whatever…are similar to perfectionist – one who overreacts to small crisis; verses a pursuer of excellence – which is one who can, on the other hand, accept criticism and failures and go on.

Having children, whether you were single or married when they were conceived or even born only tells part of the story and therefore, irrelevant. You don’t need proof of having child(ren), esp in today’s world, to confirm that you’ve slung some @$$ and/or dyck a few times in your day. Heyal, somebody slung a whole lotta somethin’ for all of us to be here today, and what?…and that pertains to the ones before them as well.

Responsible adults simply take accountability for their decisions (such as taking care of business at home, work, etc – which for many is part of everyday living…not all of us are looking for recognition of what we’re supposed to do). Just those who parade around with bullhorns and their limelights.

So face it, you won’t really ever hear of those of us “who just are,” but instead by simply paying close attention to how we go about our daily lives, those actions will speak mountains over the “I’m Mz. Independent” outcry. Besides, we simply don’t have to, “we just are”.

Sassette liked that 8:49.

Raqi as usual, you’re on it!

2 Pieces who fed the multitude Hey there, chile! I especially loved this —-> Also, I’ve found that we aren’t always aware that we have certain needs until someone starts to supply them. (Mmmhmm like tryna take a sip of water but drinkin’ the whole glass cuz you ain’t know you were so thirsty.) And it’s a shame that doing so or being the recipient of such can be the very thing to propel us out of something that could be great for us.

Looks like that thirsty horse, may actually take a drank from the well after all.

How’s it going, Cee ? :-)

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this

Dandy Its also possible to get hit in the head by a fall piece of crystalized airplane poo…but don’t mean that will be the case.

I know one or two homemakers..who are not are not beaten, or cheated on. The couple simply decided this was how the family was going to be and they make it work. Now that comment seemed a bit high and to the left. Lawd Life is not always like Lifetime tv.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

I Need A Man to:

(Again, Disclaimer: yada, yada, yada)

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

So once you have give up everything you lose control. Yeah you trust him because he is your “everything” and you said I do. You are 100% depend on him.

Dandy, why would it be so hard for you to trust the person you chose to marry?

Just FYI, my mother was a working woman and had planned to stay that way, but kept getting pregnant (3 kids, 5 years). It made more sense for her to stay at home while my dad worked.

However, she had full access to all accounts and had information about THEIR finances at all times. My dad had to put JUST as much trust in her that she wasn’t going to clean him out as she had to have in him.

(and yes I know folks can stash away money in accounts that their spouses don’t know about, but that also can go both ways if you are smart enough)

By C tha 1

November 18, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

C’mon ARed you can’t use Michele Obama as an example of a woman forsaking her career (independence) to take care of her family. She’s First Lady for cying out loud….with maids and butlers and chaffeurs and Secret Service. Of course she’s a mother and a wife, but she’s not making a home that a true housewife would.

Personally, kept women don’t impress me at all. The only way one would is if she held a career previously and very clear exentuating circumstances required her to stay at home, not because I got money and I just want you to look cute at home.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 1:52 PM | Link to this

My first job, in all honesty, is going to continue to be mom-in-chief this is the media going bananas over nothing really!TOO MUCH OBAMANIA!!She is a mother with 2 young kids who are about to be uprooted from their neighborhood and friends to a new anvironment and so its only natural that Michelle gives 1st priority to her kids and stuf.If u are comparing her to Sarah Pailin,who was about to neglect the needs of her special need child for a run at the white house,i wld say that kudos to Michelle are legit.Otherwise,i personally dont see the hype in a mother being a mother and being lauded for being a mother.What do folks expect.Its like the same debate we were having of a woman or man taking care of what needs to be taken care of re:kids,bills,mortgage,job etc.That dont need no special kudos,IMHO.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

Tazzee I have said it 100 times…if man and woman didn’t need each other we would have never been joined together in the beginning.

While I financially support may be “one” reason I don’t need a man, I can think of a hundred of other reason that I do and desire.

By The good side!

November 18, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

Ladies not to rain on your equating Michelle to Barack it takes more then intelligent to run a country.

Michelle could not do what President elect Obama does! Michelle is a strong sister who wil be a very good role model for all women!

But she does not possess the demeanor nor the world intellect of the President elect!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

The good side question for you.

Why would you persue a woman, Staceye or otherwise, that makes it known that she has no interest in dating?

Is it the thrill of the hunt? or the need for a challenge? maybe a need to play “captain save em?”

I personally think some guys just get off on drama like they accuse women of doing. Because a woman who makes it known she has no interest in dating, yet you persue her anyway, is someone who is a glutton for punishment!

I really am curious.

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

Dandy I can always leave. If a man hit me, I would first beat his azz and then leave his azz. As I stated before, I know how to take care of myself and can get my hustle on without missing a beat. What you’re talking about is the extreme that some low self-esteem having woman would go through.

And I’m not stupid enough to marry someone I don’t know. What you speak of is not something that comes from a man that changed ‘in time’ that some ole crazy ish that’s lying underneath the surface from day one. Time and pressure would definitely reveal that.

Oh and I never said dude would be my ‘everything’ but yes - when I say I do, I trust him with my life.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed I am not so sure I would be good as a housewife. I cook every night now (well weekends become fend for yourself) because I have a son to feed. But I need to be on the go doing something. So I think after about a month of cleaning, cooking, and watching tv..I would be offically stir crazy. I get stir crazy on vacation. You can only watch so much Matlock before you need a break. LOL!

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

@Sassette aka Kym

Anything is possible and I know plenty of women that married a good decent Man and gave up everything just to find out they lost control. I had a good friend get beaten to nearly to death by her husband and she was a 6-figure, no kids, lived “the life” just to give it all up on an I do. The point here missy..is you never know what your gonna get so why give up what you worked so hard for!

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this

@GOOD SIDE..thats the proper way to step to a chick…i hope you get a response

By MELO

November 18, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

ared, i will gladly weaken myself to thy Oprah,while rubbing and holding on to her phat azz and getting some change from her to run errands and shytt!! As long as the money spighot is flowing,im good.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

C tha 1, sure I can. Hilary Clinton was touted as a 2-for-1 deal when Bill was running for president. Her daughter wasn’t as young as the Obama girls but still a young girl all the same.

In addition, Michelle left her job long before she was first lady, even though she had a great support system to look after the girls when she was working.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

Oh…I would not even begin to assume what Michelle Obama posssesses…I grew up with too many sisters like her…incredible women…I grew up with many sisters who did what had to be done…with class, intelligence, integrity…many righteous values…not new….but truly something that I would not underestimate…I watch the gold manifest from the women of that caliber (sp).

By Keep it real!

November 18, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this

Hello fellow bloggers!

It seems we are giving too much importance to the finances in regards to a relationship!

Although finances are very important their are so many facets to a relationship!

Someone stated early you should be happy with thyself before engaging in a relationship!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

Fill up my gas tanks(plural)

By For Real

November 18, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

Dandy @TAZZEE So once you have give up everything you lose control. Yeah you trust him because he is your “everything” and you said I do. You are 100% depend on him. To the public eye you have everything you want but behind close doors he beat you every day or cheated on you and expected you to ask no questions. This is the possible price to pay to have it all without the work. Are you willing to pay that price if need be?

Why would you take this to that extreme? You will never find anyone to be with if you keep trying to protect yourself against such an extreme “Might Happen Eevent”. Just bc a couple decides that the women will stay at home doesn’t mean the women is dependent on her husband 100% and ain’t no human being capable of being everything to another human especially a women. Oh and can you please explain how a job will prevent a dude from beating and cheating on you?

Dandy has re-taken the lead in the Stupidest Shyt I Ever Heard Derby!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

So I think after about a month of cleaning, cooking, and watching tv..I would be offically stir crazy.

Kym, if you wanted to do more, do more. It’s always baffling to me that women think “cooking, cleaning and watching tv” is all that “housewives” do.

melo, I can give Michelle kudos because I feel she has her priorities in order. I don’t knock Sarah Palin for her quest, but I do think she needed to stop lying to folks saying family was #1. They aren’t.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Hilary Clinton was touted as a 2-for-1 deal no wonder she has such rabid haters on the left and on the right.She went in there and had no class about it in the beginning..she didnt win no election,no wonder the hateration.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

But she does not possess the demeanor nor the world intellect of the President elect!

Good Side, I never said such a thing. My point is that she is capable of doing something big, like being President, whether she wanted to be or not.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

ared i will gladly weaken myself to thy Oprah - melo

I know, boo. I know. LOL

By The good side

November 18, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this

To Red:

I did not read in Mamba statement that she does not want to date!

Mamba common sense approach to life is very attractive!

I like a woman who is happy in her skin every day! So I can only become a compliment in her life!

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

@ared…your question to good side is….he is displaying rakish behavior…thats what a rake does…he does not care about obstacles…only the chase and his goal..you cant stop them once turned on and they are slave to there desire for women…i you knew better you would do better

A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy figure—when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Unlike the normal, cautious male, the Rake is delightfully unrestrained, a slave to his love of women. There is the added lure of his reputation: so many women have suc¬ cumbed to him, there has to be a reason. Words are a woman’s weak¬ ness, and the Rake is a master of seductive language. Stir a woman’s repressed longings by adapting the Rake’s mix of danger and pleasure.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

ARed, I was thinking the same thing. A glutton for punishment always gets their just desserts.

But, she may come on nice before she chews him out depending on his direction!

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 2:11 PM | Link to this

Keeping it real

It seems we are giving too much importance to the finances in regards to a relationship

Unfortunately, in the real world, financial issue play a big role in the divorce rate here in the US. So, it isn’t just this blog.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

Mamba common sense approach to life is very attractive!

I like a woman who is happy in her skin every day! So I can only become a compliment in her life!

The Good Side - Thank you for the clarification then. LOL

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

@AmazonRed I partially agree. My Grams was very successful and independent and trusted her husband. She was married 62 years. Beautiful when it goes like that. But reality is the Divorce rate and the domestic violence rate is high. If you look at things and say this could not be you (Then you already lost). If you have money in a separate account that he does not know about then you already went in with doubts. So why do it!

I do is not saying I lose me…. i.e.. My independence. I do is saying I am confident/Hope that we will be together to death do us part.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 2:18 PM | Link to this

Good Side, you haven’t been reading on this blog very long. Stiffen your back, and step away from Staceye. It’s well known here that she’s not interested in dating ANYONE!

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

why do ladies think staceye cannot be obtained….she is no different than any other women…if he comes with a game plan and shows his worth she will fall like you or anyone else…smh….any one of you guys can get it on any given day…i dont know why you bs yourself into thinking you cant….problem is most of you keep repeating the same things..never stepping outside the box just keeping doing the same ish ova and ova…..ya know in a different life i would have love the chance to show you ladies what real romance looks and feels like……because some of you thirst for the game i use to bring…and the rake is me to the T…..trust me once i am on…there is no stopping me…i have plenty of tricks for the lames…plenty!!!!!…just typing sometimes gets my juices flowing but i chill because i decide to live my life different..but trust i am nothing to play with in the romance/woo dept…

By For Real

November 18, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

TGS and 2E’s….

TGS: Hey baby I missed you today.

2E’s: WTF! Did you just call me baby!

TGS: Ummm yeah, you my baby.

2E’s: The last dude I was with called me baby. 2E’s now pulling a big azz butcher’s knife out of her bra.

TGS now screaming like a white women before passing the fugg out.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

AmazonRed Trust me I know it is not all.But since I am not having any more rugrats -kids are out. I am not a shopping kind of person..Sale good..no sale bad. Walk the dog..done. I like volunteering but to be honest during the day all you see volunteering are retired blue hairs(no offense to blue hairs) so unless I have a foundation to run.(which would be work-anyway) I am going to need something to do, and with people I can relate to. My classes are at night with other people like myself who work days..we can relate. But different strokes for different folks.

Dandy Your friend may have lived a life straight out of the pages of PG County. But that is/was her situation. It is not the norm. It is not common. Like I said High and to the left. None of us can predict our future so all you can do is live your best life. And living your best life can’t happen if you stay locked away worrying about what might happen.

By M'Karyl

November 18, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

@PG*

what you say is indeed very true…finances is one the highest contributors associated with relationship issues…and it contributes greatly indeed to the numbers in our divorce rate in the US…face it, when there are difficulties in making the basic survival needs happen…or when resources are not adequately making ends meet…then ppl tend to get highly stressed…fear of extinction or survival…not absolute, but relative…and it can create a magnitude of problems, amplify otherwise ignored differences, change not only the dynamic of the relationship, but also the personality of the ppl in the relationship…I know this about me, when my finances are not right, I really do not want to be bothered.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

If you have money in a separate account that he does not know about then you already went in with doubts. So why do it!

Dandy, that’s my point. I would go into it trusting the man I married.

You’ll have to show me proof on your divorce and domestic voilence rate being higher. That doesn’t sound right to me.

But no, staying in a relationship with a man who hit me, couldn’t be me. There is more to my life than my spouse in that instance. I’ll always have options.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this

Musing If you are out there I got the hook up on some gas for the Urang. Oh and do you know anything about big azz boats?

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

…while eating pretzel thins and drinking a cold green tea…

Sassette Thanks for the lyrics. Oh yea, Anita will always be the fiya.

M’Karyl is cactus juice “for real”? Someone around here must be recession-ized. Cactus juice!?!

Hi Tazzee!

Lol…at PoppaGet-to-it! - So, ah, McNabb has the tendency to get a lil whimpish? hahaha

sup Breezy.

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

MK

and it can create a magnitude of problems, amplify otherwise ignored differences, change not only the dynamic of the relationship, but also the personality of the ppl in the relationship…

That is a major key right there. It has been my experience that this situation leads to finger pointing and that’s when the real dissention occurs. Each side gets defensive.
For example: Dude screams about chick spending so much money on CFMPs and Chick say you didn’t complain when I was wearing them and it goes on and on!!

By Keep it Real!

November 18, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

It seems as though a lot of people who have been in relationships had bad experiences with the financial authority in the relationship.

B4 anyone gets married you should know the strengths and weaknesses of your mate. A person who cannot be fiscal responsible should not handle the finances.

Ladies if that is the case it does not demean who makes the decisions in a relationship.

My grandmother did not work but she made the financial decisions in her relationship with my grandfather because she posssessed the intelligence to make good decisions for their family!

Ladies it seems a lot of you are very concern about finances! Is that true?

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

@ Sassette aka Kym

This is not the norm based on what? Most realtionship abuse is not even reported until something major happen. And I am far from locked away. So I have to disagree with your last statement. Being aware is not worring.

By Shaw-T Lo

November 18, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

ain’t met a woman that could say “no” to “lo”.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

Cee The poem was mine…don’t be giving Anita credit for my stuff I’m a artist and I am senstive about my sht

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Well Rell, yes she can fall like any other chick but until she’s ready (not when you’re ready), she’ll stand steadfast like the rock of Gilbralter. I’ve gotten to know Staceye very well in the past year and she simply is not ready.

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this

Cee

Lol…at PoppaGet-to-it! - So, ah, McNabb has the tendency to get a lil whimpish? hahaha

Drama seems to follow that dude. Word is that Hugh Douglas was his bodyguard on that team during the whole TO scandal. If true, why couldn’t McNabb handle his own ish. Why turn to ANOTHER man for protection!! That is Bytchazzness.

He and TO should shop for dresses for “The Real Housewives of the NFL”

They could add MeAngelo Hall to that show as well. …

Besides, linemen are Real men….;p

By Keep it Real!

November 18, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

To those who have combined their finances YOU MUST BE ON THE SAME PAGE!

With the state of our economy a man could easily lose his job and it may take time to find a job!

During this economic uncertainty anything could happen! So do not put your wants in play during tough times!

For future tense: When times are good STORE UP the finances you may need them to ride out the tough times!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:46 PM | Link to this

yes she can fall like any other chick

Leggs, I’ve started to simply ignore that nonsense. LOL. I mean, of couse she can fall. And I hope she does. Still sooooo not our point, yanno? LOL

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

don’t be giving Anita credit for my stuff I’m a artist and I am senstive about my sht

@ Badu…uchem…Enchantress Lol…i know…i know this…

…o, what a tangled webb we weeve…Anita’s credit was due to you passing on some of here legacy songs on here, that’s all Ye Yo.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

I want a man’s:

Seductive eyes; Store bought surprise.

Pulsation heart beat; Karamel Sutra treat.

Devilish leer; Pledge to be near.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

I want a man’s:

Seductive eyes; Store bought surprise.

Pulsation heart beat; Karamel Sutra treat.

Devilish leer; Pledge to be near.

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

AR

The wife and I have six accounts. She has two (checking and savings), I have two (checking & Savings) and 2 joint accounts (checking and savings).

We see each other’s statments but that is so we can have our own money for play. Our guy only or girl only excursion are paid through our own accounts. We make sure that the necessities are paid through joint funds.

I can’t complain about her 150th pair of boots, and She doesn’t have to worry about any of her money going to the “student fund” at Magic City.

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 2:49 PM | Link to this

Dandy There is aware and then there is paranoid. But, this is life and we all have our walk. I may not know the whole population of the U.S. but I am willing to bet dollars to doughnuts, that a majority of men are not wife beaters. And since we kind of live in this majority goes society that would mean that the ones doing the beating are out of the norm.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

Ladies it seems a lot of you are very concern about finances! Is that true?

Keep It Real, a lot of ladies these days have trust issues, period, to varying degrees. It is very hard for women to let go nowadays and put their trust into someone else.

But for me, no it’s not true. I haven’t ever co-mingled finances in any of my relationships, so I’m not gun shy about it.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

@ared..nonsense….bwoi are we mighty high….specially you..you are the product of these simps gassing up your average azz

@leggs….is not about her…its about the man that will step to her getting her attention and time….you ladies kill me with this i am not this or that….so i can see why life passes you by….you not even on the field of play…smh again

By Keep it Real!

November 18, 2008 2:52 PM | Link to this

To Red and Leggs:

How much does a man being financially independent play in starting a relationship?

By Angie

November 18, 2008 2:53 PM | Link to this

Ladies it seems a lot of you are very concern about finances! Is that true?

no. my concern is him being responsible in all aspects of our life together.

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

why couldn’t McNabb handle his own ish. Why turn to ANOTHER man for protection!! That is Bytchazzness.

PoppaG that’s^^ that 1-8-7 in this mutha…su…

Being that you said he hired Hugh for protection says alot. But maybe there was more to the T.O. harrassment that meets the eye…maybe not. Lord bless ‘em.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

I called Staceye to come back and answer his question. Typical, a lot of men feel they have more pull than they actually have. Nothing wrong with self-confidence, but your modus operandi may very well work on 33 women. That 34th one (now you’re cocky) can knock your a$$ right back to peg one. Don’t get full of yourself. Not a good look on anyone!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 2:57 PM | Link to this

The wife and I have six accounts. She has two (checking and savings), I have two (checking & Savings) and 2 joint accounts (checking and savings).

We see each other’s statments but that is so we can have our own money for play

PG, that makes sense to me. Doesn’t seem like its a cause of any drama either.

And if one of you were the sole breadwinner, I’m sure the same trust parameters would be in place. Maybe even the same number of accounts still.

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 2:59 PM | Link to this

@Sassette aka Kym That’s great! Enjoy your fantasy world. In the mean time most of us (The majority) will be living in the REAL world.

But if you believe that most men (and woman are no exception) don’t cheat, lie, wife/man beat, or just plain disrespect… then you truly are lost!

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Keep It Real I’m concerned about responsibility. How a man handles his finances is included in that, but I also look at how a man takes care of himself (eating, sleeping, exercise, etc), how he handles his relationships with others and a host of other things.

By MELO

November 18, 2008 3:01 PM | Link to this

Is Bishop Weeks a real spiritual bishop or he is a business man? Anybody here go to his church.

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Rell, I am confused, how is AmazonRed considered average, and who are you comparing her to?

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Rell, take your misdirected anger somewhere else please. It’s really gotten old. And you’re really one to talk about simpish behavior and gassing up chicks, since you used to be such a “fan.” Get a grip dude. Your acting brand new isn’t fooling anyone.

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

PoppaG don’t forget that 3rd account that you’d forgot about until they send you a statement tombout the CU/Bank changed their name.

Whenever i do co-hab i want to consolidate one of those accounts. The extra PIN #s, checkbooks and cards are overwhelming when I typically use only 2 accounts.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this

@pg…going with mcnabb is about to f up my money in my fanasty league…i was undefeated..but because of his poor showing last three weeks i am 9-2…second place..still a money slot but i want to win it all…i mean who ties with the bungels…..i was heated!!!!!!!

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 3:06 PM | Link to this

the “student fund” at Magic City.

Grande stop it!

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

@AmazonRed I agree with that, as long it’s not a secret type thing. It sounds like that couple has an understanding.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:07 PM | Link to this

Rell, I realize it’s not about her, your post slanted more toward the abilities of the man to open her or any other woman up to a relationship. You’d be surprise to what page I’m on. If you read me correctly, I NEVER come on here saying I’m this or I’m that. I’m ME, a good hearted person, and believe you me, life is not passing me by…thank you for your unwarranted concern! Keep shaking your head, you just might grasp a different perspective on women….sheesh!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

How much does a man being financially independent play in starting a relationship?

Keep it Real, I don’t know how to answer your question. I don’t know any men who aren’t financially independent. What would they be dependent on?

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

Keeping it Real, his financial independence doesn’t dictate the relationship. What will dictate the relationship is his lack of finances!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

and who are you comparing her to? u not fooling anyone WD with that innocent qstion accompanied by that mischiveous twinkle in ur eyes.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

kym this may help you with yesterday’s question.

http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2938

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

@leggs…Typical, a lot of men feel they have more pull than they actually have. …LMAO….typical….WOW…more pull then they acutally have…tsk tsk tsk…note - you only know the play because i am giving it to you…LOL…

@ared…for the 19129329382829 time..hon you dont anger me..i dont know you…feel me….its not misguided…brand new?…i am still a fan…you new negroes are funny..so ME centric with everything

@diva…i am not comparing her to anyone…do you have something to say to me…spill it ….all the skirting around the issue is crazy….say what you have to say grand pooo….spill it

you ladies are so defense for FEMALES..

@leggs…i dont know what page you are on…i am just swinging my brush like you guys swing yours…and my take on things is very real….did i seem unreal or fake when you meet me?????…lol

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 3:19 PM | Link to this

Dandy Again you are high and too the left. No one is talking about people not lying or cheating.. you have gone from dude is turning into a beater, to the world is full of liars and cheats. Reel it in honey..like I said before we all have our walk and your belief is your belief. So honey let me just bless your path and move on..

And so there you go strangely enough alone even so addicted to love. You’re in and out so quickly that it gives you a start.You’re waiting for a message or a word But you haven’t heard from your heart. But it maybe today anything can change nothing stays the same and maybe today is for the love me I really believe through it all come what may * *Little miracles happen everyday.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 18, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

For Real You nut! LOL Sorry no bumps. I have smooth skin!Now those bra marks can be annoying! LOL

Kimmie To be in a successful relationship you must be willing to be vulnerable to the other person yep and by doing that you leave yourself open to be hurt, stepped on and played for Boo Boo the New Fool!

ARED Ladies, would you give up your “independence” if you met a man who could provide for you where you wouldn’t have to work for a living?* HELLZ NO! LOL Giving up my independence would be giving up myself! I have been that way since a toddler. My mami said soon after my first b-day I started taking my own diaper off and trying to climb up on the toilet and would get mad if somebody tried to help me. So she said she would sit and watch me struggle and then finally get up there. Granted I fell in..but I got up there on my own! LOL Giving my independence up would basically leave the man in control of my life. He/she who controls the purse straps controls the relationship. Again..especially if you get one of these neanderthal men who are so weak that they must have a mindless twit that he can control because he isn’t man enough to even be called a man!

Oh and stress free for a man would me sex whenever he wanted! Sorry…my puddy is not Comcast on Demand! I hold the remote control!

Raqi That piggyback thing was cool! Tell M kudos for inviting the innerchild to come out and play! LOL

Poppa Its one thing if I am with somebody and he loses his job. Then its up to me to help him, of course. But I was speaking of the ones who are down on their luck and looking for a relationship. perhaps the focus should be getting back on track not getting a woman. I briefly dated a guy laike that about 3 years ago. It did not last because: I will not play taxi to you because you have no car. You live with your parents. Your idea of a date is “chillin’” at my crib (I don’t need help or company to chill. I do that very well alone)! Then he would get mad because I like to go out and do things and it’s not my fault that he couldn’t. He had the nerve to tellme what he did for his ex girl when he had money! WTF!!!Anyway, I was always dinning out with my girls. And since he had no money he was at home calling me all the time and getting a tude because I either didn’t answer the phone or text him that I would call him later. I took him out to eat and he ouwldn’t order anything. So I ate….and never offered again! If he had his own life he would not have been so clingy. That was another turn off..a clingy man! Dude…I’m not your lung! you can breathe wihtout me. That ended about 3 weeks later. I was trying to be understanding…but it just brought me to the conclusion of getting yourself together first!

The Good Side You talk a good game mister! LOL Is that all there is to it?

Dandy I agree. I am sure the man she married was no azz whipper! people are very good at hiding things. So in all honesty…you never REALLY know a person. And anybody is capable of anything!

Oh Leggs…You are so funny…and so right!!!!

rell So amusing! I do not fall for the romantic gestures because I know they are nothing but mere ploys for sex. Again…a mouse in a maze! insert clap here!

For Real OMG! Your skit just made me scream out laughing here at work! LOL

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Rell, I never said I angered you, suga. ME centric indeed. My point is that because I called your post nonsense (your POST not YOU) you wannat come with it with the personal jabs. It’s unnecessary. Because we all know that if I made a personal jab back in repsonse, you’d be the first one crying foul.

Cuz I can tell you what’s really average or BELOW average, but I’m not even trying to go there with those too sensitive to take it.

In any case, just lighten up dude. You’ve been coming across real tender lately.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Typical Rell, you…. (back up leggs)…you are very, very typical. You never gave me the play, I peeped your silly card before you even put your hand on the table - believe that!

By Dan

November 18, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

@PG

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Student fund, Magic City Student Fund!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

But I’m with you on the seperate and joint accounts, it would solve (IMO) a lot of money-related arguments!

and seriously,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That made my day

By MELO

November 18, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

spill it ….all the skirting around the issue is crazy….say what you have to say grand pooo….spill it u had me rolling over here Rell.lolol,i think WD is on to smthing..lets just wait to hear what she says..LMAO!!

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

Melo/Rell, oh nah, just asked a question, I really was confused, Rell, because you spoke as if you guys met and you had ranked her or something, I was being nosy too, LOL. At any rate, I am pretty sure everyone has average/above average ranking according to somebody, I suppose it depends on whose opinion matters though

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

Sorry Rell, but you’re the one who said….so i can see why life passes you by. Again, you have no idea!

By Blow Me

November 18, 2008 3:28 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon

Wow great TOPIC…Very deep.

I see the blog wars are going on as usual.

Angie What’s good with all your names? That’s a lil bi polarish…lol!

I want and need a man. I mean afterall that is what we are created for. I would be a lie to tell you I am good for the REST of my life sleeping in a cold bed, a cold big a$$ rubber toy penis, a eggy and a no kids, and no one to share my dreams or thoughts with, lonely a* on Valentines day..and no dirty a* socks to wash, or have his annoying buddies over drinkin beer and fartin during half time of the atlanta falcons. and no bartione in my ear tellin me he “loves me”That life sucks like hell to me. And it would be a nightmare to live it out.

The END!

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

Dan stop. You’re cutting over here into my laughbank. move over

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

@For Real If you noticed I have not responded to you. You so stuck on stupid statements reveals how you feel about yourself. — HOW IS THAT FOR STUPIDITY ! ——

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this

WiseDiva, you had every right to be confused because the statement really made no sense. You can’t through a claim like that out there unless you do have something to compare it to. Duh.

What you have is simply a case of folks throwing foolishness out there hoping it sticks.

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Blow

I am joining in the 3:28 Oath with you chica.

Everyone Else

So what’s it to ya!??!

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Dandy You know..technically this counts as a response

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

@For Real If you noticed I have not responded to you. You so stuck on stupid statements reveals how you feel about yourself. — HOW IS THAT FOR STUPIDITY ! ——

By Dan

November 18, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

In the good Negroe News (and yes Leggs I spelled it right!)

Eric Holder is slated according to Newsweek to become the first African American head of the Justice Department as Attorney General.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

@ared…TELL ME…does not matter….and tender i am not…getting sick maybe..but tender…getdafluckoutofhere…lol…what you going to say i am average..ok…or below average..i am one to talk..i am this i am that..what you going to say…go on ahead say whatever you need to get off your chest hun….i am good trust me….crying foul…dont think i have ever done that

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

Rell, yawn Quit crying, again, it’s getting old.

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this

See Tazzee, this here is why I those I try not get too riled up erry single time men folk make some outlandish generalizations about us, are infuriatingly stubborn about some bs, cuz there is something in me that seeks intimacy with a man, that seeks a lifemate … that intrinsic desire ‘to mate’ is still there and resurfaces. No matter what frustrations sifting thru to my complement entails, I can’t shake it; and don’t really wanna, so I press on. Plus I believe there’s a segment of men that feel the same way aobut us and it grants me solace.

ARed Your 1:56 is one I’ve posed five million times. And at the end of the day if Stace were to give em what he thinks he wants and then mamba her self away, she’d be called everything but a child of God! But since he has been told exactly who he’s in hot pursuit of yet chooses to believe he has her true self figured out he wants to test. Now who needs to take ownership of their actions, young man? Oooh I feel school teachery today hence all the writing on the board.

Hey Mocha, you justa peekin into my subcon…don’t know why this either /or mentality is so pervasive. Did you said overachieving in the professional realm and underachieving in the emotional one? Lil Sis, don’t get me started on them extremes. It’s like tryin too hard, got so much foresight that there ends up being all these oversights. Folk be so foucsed on measuring successes by money, it can leave the relationship morally bankrupt. Or so busy shouting his name for His goodness in public they fell they gotta sneak round screaming his name for the goodness in private, Please respect my apologie for that one, b/c I’m jus sayin’. Why not find a happy medium and journey there together?

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

Aww Dan (LOL).

By MELO

November 18, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

And since he had no money he was at home calling me have u upped ur game yet since u left this lame dude.Coz if u stick to these types MAMBA u will always have pain in the dating game. U deserve better.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

CLAPPING, CLAPPING, CLAPPING. Your 2nd para is on mark 2cents!

By Dandy

November 18, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this

@Sassette Read up hun… I was talking about cheating from the giddy up… So its not me in left field. My opinions are MINES. Yours are yours. But your azz is getting beat behind close doors or you losing your mind because he is all on ATLpics boo’d up with your girl not anwsering the phone because he feels he own your azz….the crisis line is always open.

( Being clueless is a lost easier ) I understand

By Dan

November 18, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

@My2 and Kimmie

Y’all are giving me hope that there are women in the world that “get it”.

Now, can I interest you in teaching classes to the other 98%?

By Sassette aka Kym

November 18, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

PoppaG How many ex-Clinton employees will this make? You know what I am going to start calling this new administration(Clinton the tan years)

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

Truth Regardless of how you two have clearly conspired against my personal Bailout plan, I will still send care packages overflowing w/ goodies from home. Yes, for a fee.

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

huh?

I feel like I need a caffeinated drink…between laughing at Ared’s. yawn and mytwo’s gavel slam…I don’t know if my last bit of tea gonna do.

What’s really going on in here?

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

@leggs…hun…i can take it..its cool…if you read that wrong then..yea..ok

@ared…old?….and cryin…what are you talkin about

By MELO

November 18, 2008 3:55 PM | Link to this

I am going dwn stairs for my 4.00 O’ clock coffee,need smthing *Cee

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

between laughing at Ared’s. yawn

Cee, most happy to illicit a chuckle from you. I mean, even I’m tired of dude’s broken record. Damn. Get some new material. LOL

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 3:56 PM | Link to this

Staceye

Oh OK. I agree about an unemployed dude looking for date. He is really looking for a Suga Momma!

I just think that your statement that mates are accessories is a bit off base. I think that we should not look to our mates to cmplete us, but I do think that many of us have mates that complement us. I am weak in some areas that are the wife’s strengths and vice versa. We just “form like Voltron” and face what like throws at us.

AR

*PG, that makes sense to me. Doesn’t seem like its a cause of any drama either. *

We didn’t have that arrangement in the beginning. After celebrating my second birthday with her as her husband, she came to me saying that she didn’t like getting my gift from the joint account. She said that it made her feel guilty because it was like I was paying for my own gift.

I listened her (this goes to yesterday’s topic some) and felt that it couldn’t hurt to separate accounts. I’ve stated that our household is kinda run like a company. She is CFO and I am CEO. We both see all bank statement and monitor what goes in and out of those account. We do this every Monday and call it “Money Monday” (I got that from a friend who does the same thing.) we discuss most financial matters on Monday.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this

Poppa 6 accts??? We have three not counting his business accts. Mine,his and ours.

Staceye Yeah those piggyback rides always do me well. They totally rock.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Rell, if I know one thing, I know you have thick skin and the words posted here doesn’t bother you much. Nonetheless, anyone w/a spine will “buck” every so often. Carry on….

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

PoppaG you and Mrs. G will forever walk w/me. Her reasoning made 100% sense and glad you were receptive enuf to listen!

Raqi ^5 on the piggyback ride.

By Blow Me

November 18, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

@ Raqi…In todays economy I doubt all 6 have available or any funds in them lol…..

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

Raqi

Poppa 6 accts??? We have three not counting his business accts. Mine,his and ours.

yeah, I count the savings accounts as separate accounts, too. We get statement on them even though we almost never use them.

By The Truth

November 18, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

I’ve been gone a while. Have you guys figured out the wants vs needs argument or are you working on world peace now?

Staceye you need a blog hug and I want the back.

Tatas personal bailout. LMAO Would you settle for a sponsored commissary shopping trip? I’ll be looking for my care packages too.

Rell when you get upset I can read the tears in your words. Chill out bruh and enjoy the convo.

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this

ok ladies..enough of that…here is a funny for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2I121W5AlA

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

I can understand the 6 accounts. Shoot, I have 4 by myself, LOL. Of course I would consolidate if I got married, but they all have a purpose.

Hi Cemeeli

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

LMAO @ Truth. I knew I wasn’t the only one on that page. LOL

By I HATE ATTENTION WHOR3S!

November 18, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

@ TRUTH…I AGREE….HE’S MAKIN HIS POST CRY

WHO IS BEING THE LATEST ATTENTION WHOR3 ON HERE!

Besides ARED, BEAUtiful. How could I forget about RELL the biggest ATTENTION whor3 I know.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

@Tazz

Can I borrow the interest on one of those joints for a month to make me feel better?

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Rell I had to catch up. I do NOT think Staceye is at all unattainable. I DO think she has to make the decision about when she will allow herself to be attained. She may not end up sending out a memo when she does, but for now she seems to be of the same stance. Even when people fall unintentionally, we have to let someone love us.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Poppa one thing that I think is very important is seating together paying the bills. He pays our joint credit card bill thru his company and he pays the mortgage. All other bills get placed on the table and we go thru them. Usually on every other Saturday. And my sons see this. They see us working together and I hope that they pick it up as a good relationship practice.

We have an agreement of anything over a certain amount that gets bought thru the joint account we will talk about first. There have been some things that one has talked the other out of buying. We try to stay in harmony on buying things for the house. It our home.

By Raqi

November 18, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Poppa one thing that I think is very important is seating together paying the bills. He pays our joint credit card bill thru his company and he pays the mortgage. All other bills get placed on the table and we go thru them. Usually on every other Saturday. And my sons see this. They see us working together and I hope that they pick it up as a good relationship practice.

We have an agreement of anything over a certain amount that gets bought thru the joint account we will talk about first. There have been some things that one has talked the other out of buying. We try to stay in harmony on buying things for the house. It our home.

By Jamoca

November 18, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

Ratta Ta-ta

Yes, yes, yes…I hear you all the way over here. Noticed that it was mighty quiet on that note, but it was true anyhow. No apology should be expected when one is simply speaking the truth… only if the azz is halfed, cuz’ I take mines whole Thank ya’. :-)

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Blow me

@ Raqi…In todays economy I doubt all 6 have available or any funds in them lol…..

Trust, if I didn’t think it was worth it,I would have agreed to the accounts. Last thing that I want are bank fees eating them down because they don’t meet the prereqisite free account balance.

There is enough to keep us straight for at least 10 months if we both lost our jobs. We are working towards getting at least 12 months of back up stash.

Lord, knows that I wouldn’t work AND go to school if I did need to. We set this stash goal before I decided to go to school. I am a man of my word. So, I wanted to keep working towards that stash so I decided to attend law school part time and work.

By Wise Diva

November 18, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

ok does anyone know what Kanye meant when he said Bi*tch Bogus? Every time I hear it, it’s used in a different context, LOL. He probably will copyright that soon

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

when you get upset I can read the tears in your words. Chill out bruh and enjoy the convo.

bench please……not you brah…but i know once you get in on that council you have to follow the rules….i just hope its worth it in the end….you new negroes kill me i swear…never thought i would see the day..but its here…

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

Tazzee…you think like and numbers girl…when I added the last account it was initially for “play money”, then later i decided just let it sit idle and now i never use it. I have HSA and that comes with cards and checkbooks just another acct. # to remember. sigh

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

6 accounts?? uall talking of just checking accounts or brokerage accounts or both.I dont see hw i can split my 20k a year into 6 checking accounts..whats gonna be in there?? And the point?? Uall are loaded,hah… Me, i got i credit union a/c and the queen another and then the lil pouch in our mattress where we keep our change savings, now that the accts are eating the money in there coz of bushrecession,thats it.

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

Raqi, your 4:15 was beautiful. It’s nice for us bloggers to see such teamwork too!

By MLL

November 18, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

using all caps grabbed my attention lol

By MLL

November 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

It’s hard for me to keep up with my three accounts transferring money from one account to the other to cover overdraft and such…I need an accountant!…..bill pay is the best

By Dan

November 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

@WD

You got the album too? I’ve been listening to it for about an hour, and I like it!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

where is sexxyCool

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

I dont see hw i can split my 20k a year into 6 checking accounts..whats gonna be in there??

melo, 20K huh? What happened to that new job you got earlier this year that was paying you “close” to six figures? That was a happy day?

Or do you spend all your salary putting hard up single moms on your personal payroll? :-P

Just messing with you. ;-)

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Smurfette/Kym

PoppaG How many ex-Clinton employees will this make? You know what I am going to start calling this new administration(Clinton the tan years)

It isn’t unusual. Look at Dubya’s cabinet/confidants. There are recycled old farts. The vice president (Cheney) was President’s Gerald Ford’s Chief of Staff back in the day. We know Rumsfield and Wolfowitz (sp?) were retread as well.

I always say that there hasn’t been a new idea out of Washington, DC or Detroit, MI (Big 3) in many decades. It isn’t a coincidence that the American people are skeptical of both.

By For Real

November 18, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

ZIPPPPPPPPPPP!!

For Real now winking at MLL.

By CARD PULLA, INC

November 18, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

RELL

DO YOU NEED A FEW MIDOLS AND SOME PADS/TAMPONS? HOW BOUT A HEATING PAD FOR THEM CRAMPS!!!

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this

whats gonna be in there?? And the point??

Melo having multiple accounts can rescue another account and the ability to do transfers. I’ve had to rescue myself a time or two from the “rubberband effect”. I have my income split in so many ACH’s, that when i read statements i forget what i allow on my deposit statement. And when you get into earned dividends. that’s a different beast.

I’ve had banks before, now ALL my handlers are CU…couple of my credit union accounts are not even in the STATE.

By Blow Me

November 18, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

POPPA I guess you are right..I mean I do have 3..and they all have money in them. 1 saving, 1 mma, 1 checking. So I guess that is not bad.

p.s. Do you guys do personal loans? I am gonna need about $7k for Xmas shopping and New Years! lmao!

By The Truth

November 18, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

Rell you need to hold on to that bench shyt. If you’d like we can meet face to face and discuss whatever comes up. I promise ain’t no benches here. As a matter of fact I’ll drive so you don’t even need to spring for gas. Let me know what you want to do.

By The good side

November 18, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Real Men:

What our sistas are expressing is come correct when it time to take care of business!

Once we are true in the game we can then proceed to fun and games!

All of these ladies are unique,inciteful,intelligent,exquisite and yet have their own flavor! Um,Um good!

So REAL MEN let’s cherish the fact that our sistas are the best women in the world!

Especially THE MAMBA!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 18, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this

Poppa I like the financial arrangementyou and the wife have! You support education huh? LOL

Sniff Sniff…Leggs you know me so well!!! LOL

melo I was trying to not look at a man’s finances as a deal breaker. But that last all of 3 weeks. One of them I spent dodging his lame azz! Oh no I was not hurt, more like annoyed so I cut him off real quick and he still kept calling me. UGH! I wish I was weariing an “L” initial ring..so I could backslap him and live the “L” for Loser imprint on his forehead!

Poppa I am complete. I do not think a person should have to have another person to complete them. I think it is an addition. It’s like if I got married (yeah right LOL), I would add his name, not let go of mine because I would be adding him to an already complete me!

Truth stop feeling on my azz! LOL

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Or do you spend all your salary putting hard up single moms on your personal payroll? :-P

that waz a good one ared lol

Melo having multiple accounts can rescue another account and the ability to do transfers the left hand feeding the right is no rescue,thats an inside deception.Control that urge so u can live within ur means!

By Dan

November 18, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

@PG/KYM

I think that he’s (BHO) tapping some of the best and brightest from those administrations.

@ALL

Proposal of New Blog Rule, for vote

Fake monikers are lame super lame and anyone using them get the lame nikka treatment.

By Dan

November 18, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

@PG/KYM

I think that he’s (BHO) tapping some of the best and brightest from those administrations.

@ALL

Proposal of New Blog Rule, for vote

Fake monikers are lame super lame and anyone using them get the lame nikka treatment.

Vote?

By RELL the RAKE

November 18, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this

meet whenever homie…if we must show off for the ladies…we can meet…and i dont need to hold ish…patna!!!…i guess this is a nut check or something….

@card pulla….are you still breathing

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

I know I’m totally instigating but LMAO @ Truth.

If you do happen to meet up, step on his baby toe for AmazonRed. :-P

By MLL

November 18, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

LOL WOW what big zipper you have For Real

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

You got my vote!

By Blow Me

November 18, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

umm Dan How would u know when someone was using an alias moniker? I mean really. U probably done it a time or too ..lol! Who do you think is goin “undercover”?

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

BTW, except for Lurker, we know he’s the “resident lurker” (LOL).

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Melo do you really think a person is deciving b/c they have 1-2 instances of drywells? oh When someone states there is “more than one way to skin a cat” that does not mean they are outside their means. What urge?

Actually i learned the skill from the best CPAs out there. i think my whole point went over your head

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Staceye AKA Black Mamba the economy is bad so cut sme of these bros sme slack. Are u going home for thanxGving?

By Tazzee

November 18, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Dan only one has interest that will matter.

I have a checking and savings account through my credit union. I have an online savings account for my emergency fund (the one with some interest) and then there’s my BofA account which started as a play money account, but with online bill pay and the ability to transfer to other BofA accounts I pay a lot of bills out of that account too.

The brokerage and retirement accounts are off limits so I don’t even include them in my accounts list.

By CARD PULLA, INC

November 18, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

WHO WANTS TO VOTE ON FAKE AZZ NIKKA’S? I GOT A FEW

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

I mean really. U probably done it a time or too ..lol!

LOL. Blow, you’re a card puller cuz I know he has.

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Y’all are some clowns! Can’t a girl doze off a lil without folk runnin amuck.

Dan Thanks, I just be over here thinkin how circular somma our bickerings are. Especially on the blog. And I choose to think back to a Thursday ago or whenever that the core of someone’s manhood showed brighter than whatever pet peeve is foremost in his mind today and let that outweigh…

Truth But will I be detained for trying to force a soldier into the buggy? No worries. I’m already gathering Little Debbies, Snackwells n such.

Sassy I’m not dealing with you and the new Clin-TAN administration!

Cee I still got one 3/4 cup of mytoosweettea from yesterday. Carefully measure in ice and I can stretch into 2 full cups. Only those on best behavior may partake…

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Rell, you stepped back, I stepped back…here’s a hug {{{MUAH}}}!!!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

i think my whole point went over your head

HAHAHA….Cee,way too funny..

By Dan

November 18, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

@Blow

Let’s see, an anonymous moniker (from those that would normally be on here) on top of the ironic:

Card Pulla - scared to say who they really are

and

I Hate Attention Whor3’s - writing in all caps (with poor spelling) and being an attention whor3.

Once is a conincidence, twice a habit, 3 times - pathetic.

Just deductive reasoning darling

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

mytwo…my behavior was good today. See, i even brought pop corn.

By Poppa Grande

November 18, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Cee

Back to McNabb…being the the QB is considered one of leaders of the team, why is it that NONE of his teammates have had his back?

Remember Roddy and his “Free Mike Vick” shirt? Why has a teammates said something in support of him? That lockerroom was divided when TO was there. Philly is notorious for not paying their players (so is Pittsburgh and Cincy). There is feeling around that team that McNabb got his money, but hasn’t supported other getting theirs. That was the essence of the TO matter.

Philly is trying to ship off Lito Shepherd as we speak. They are well run from a business standpoint because they rarely have salary cap issues. However from the player point of view, they aren’t very loyal.

By Keep it Real!

November 18, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

To Ared:

I like your style you will make a good wife someday! I believe you have a good soul mixed with versatility which would make for a good marriage!

Sistas tell the brothas upfront what you are about, do not sugarcoat your words!DO NOT STROKE A MAN’S EGO UNLESS you are his wife!

If he is man enough he will try to meets your needs and work on meeting your wants!

Side note home interest rates are at 5.75!

If you need more information let me know!

By Willie Dynamite

November 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

funny funny funny today.

By Leggs

November 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Good night everyone!

When we dream alone, it is only a dream. But when we dream together, it is the beginning of a new reality (Author Unknown)

Brrr - keep those eyes open. Time to remove the sunglasses!!!

By Dan

November 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

@ARed

I have not!

Besides, I would think my writing sytle is unique enough to be identified….

esp. by Deese

@Card Pulla

How about referencing the aforementioned comment?

Two of those and in the morning..

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this

Actually i learned the skill from the best CPAs hw much u pay to be told that crap Cee??

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Leggs Your hand still on your hip over there? Gotta finish reading, but we may need a specially dedicated ‘safety’ msg cuz I think somebody bout to get knocked out!

By MELO

November 18, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

good nite pples!!

By AmazonRed

November 18, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Dan, yes you have. I believe it was the interst of being discrete, but you have posted on here under a blog name that wasn’t Dan.

Keep it Real, thank you sincerely for the compliment.

By Cemeeli

November 18, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

Melo o silly. Okay “each on teach one”. I’m ready and have my notes and numbers ready…always!

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 18, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

AWWW thanks Good Side!

**Melo I will be here for Turkey day…it is my b-day weekend. Well since my bday falls on a Tuesday I have 2 weekends to celebrate. I am going to Miami on Friday and then I got home to NY for Christmas/new year!

By For Real

November 18, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

Truth You got to pick one bruh. Fight Rell or keep hugging 2E’s. I say go fight Rell so I hug 2E’s.

Ared That ish was funny as hell but childish now turn around for a hug.

MLL WOW what big zipper you have For Real

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that…

By Blow Me

November 18, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

Dan For some reason, I thought you were ATTENTION Whor3. LOL! Who do you think is going undercover? My guess would be Melo with the bad spelling. I know I have been known to chop up a few words. Thats just out of excitement though!! lol

Card pulla (As I’m eating my popcorn) Who do you think is a fake a* kneegrow? lol

Ared Exactly…He has done it a few times. He betta stop before I hang up on him!! lmao!

Why all the drama right at 5….Let keep it going!

By mytwocents

November 18, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this

Dag, pre nap I had a question. MLL You can answer tomorrow, but wondered where you working full time, then start staying @ home before the kids with your first marriage? If so, what was the adjustment like?

By Weheartrainbows

November 18, 2008 5:10 PM | Link to this

Staceye are you a lesbian? I could swear that you are one masquerading as a hetero. I would also not be surprised if you denied it. It would totally ruin your personality motif on this blog.

However, if I am in error, my apologies. It’s just I’ve never read such extreme rants from someone on a dating blog of all places. Weird.