AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > November > 13 > Entry

The husband away from home?

By Blanca | Thursday, November 13, 2008, 07:52 AM

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Here’s a headline grabber: “Seven Signs You Have a Work Spouse.”

This CNN/Careerbuilder.com story addresses relationships most of us witness every Monday through Friday. You know, co-workers who take on projects together, finish eachother’s sentences, know one another’s personal lives and/or lunch almost daily.

Many of these relationships are innocent enough, but I can think of more than one time I’ve wondered about how close some colleagues truly are. It’s not unreasonable to think that we really get to know someone after 40 hours together weekly, but when does that good relationship begin to affect our relationships at home?

My girlfriend is experiencing this hazy world now. The guy she is seeing has openly talked about a female co-worker who recently told him she’d like to pursue their relationship outside the office. He insists he’s not interested, but says they are good friends and he doesn’t want to completely shut her out. He also acknowledged that people in the office used to tease that he and his coworker were married, a joke his female colleague was more than happy to run with.

My friend, of course, is not amused. She feels that he hasn’t clearly established boundaries between professional and personal, and I can’t disagree.

Have any of your work relationships begun to impinge on your love life? Have you had what you thought were platonic professional relationships, only to find out the colleague wanted more? Is your significant other jealous by a friendship you maintain at the office?

Gentle reminder that Blanca is out today and Wise Diva is moderating. Have a great Thursday!

Permalink | Comments (301) | Post your comment | Categories: Relationships

Comments

By Raqi

November 13, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

“…he doesn’t want to completely shut her out.” (Red flags and whistles)

Once someone makes an advance at you they have over stepped the boundaries and disrespected your relationship therefore changing the nature of your association with them. After that point there is no such thing as “he doesn’t want to completely shut her out”. If the person feels that way about you, they will continue to feel that way while you try to pretend those feeling they have do not exist. You run the risk of said person trying to sabotage your existing relationship.

There is one younger gentleman here that I work with that I am “friends” with while at work. We have lunch together occasionally but he knows that the minute he steps to me wrong our friendship will cease to exist. Whether he does it jest or all seriousness he knows not to go there. When Mason comes to my office they speak and whatnot because he is no threat to what I have with my husband. Mason knows that he and I have lunch together and he has met my coworkers girlfriend at a few office parties.

Honestly if Mase came to me with crap like that talking about he wants to remain friends with a female after she made a move on him, I will see that as him wanting to keep her around as a way to keep his options open.

If you play with fire you will eventually get burned.

By Shaw-T Lo

November 13, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

yah boy feeling kinda mellow today….so special dedication to myself. Zoom *I may be just a foolish dreamer But I don’t care ‘Cause I know my happiness is waiting out there somewhere I’m searching for that silver lining Horizons that I’ve never seen Oh I’d like to take just a moment and dream my dream Dream my dream

Zoom I’d like to fly far away from here Where my mind is fresh and clear And I’d find the love that I long to see Where everybody can be what they wanna be

I’d like the greet the sun each morning And walk amongst the stars at night I’d like to know the taste of honey in my life Well I’ve shared so many pains And I’ve played so many games But everyone finds the right way Somehow Somewhere Someday

Zoom I’d like to fly far away from here Where my mind can be fresh and clear And I’ll find the love that I long to see People can be what they wanna be

I wish the world were truly happy Living as one I wish the word they call freedom someday would come Someday would come

Zoom I’d like to fly far away from here Where my mind can be fresh and clear And I’d find the love that I long to see Everybody can be what they wanna be

Zoom I’d like to fly away Zoom I’d like to fly away Zoom I’d like to fly away You and me, baby Walking free Don’t you wanna go? Don’t you wanna go?*

By Just Visiting

November 13, 2008 8:56 AM | Link to this

Heartburn, Herpes and Hemorrhoids! Top of the morning to ya bloggers!

By Dan

November 13, 2008 9:01 AM | Link to this

Good morning, good morning love for the John Legend fans out there…

We spend a lot of time, and a lot of downtime, with the people we work with, be it 40 hours or more. Of course those conversations happen about “who’s dating who” “what you like in a man/woman” and all manner of relationship issues. These are people that you spend the bulk of your waking day with.

I’ve had those conversations, of course, from a detached standpoint (more listening than commenting) and while they are facsinating social interactions, when they go bad, they go really bad.

I’ve had a “work [spouse]” that I often referred to as my “little big sister”, we were cool, close, and hung out a lot after work - but as friends.

We’re not anymore (see: “when they go bad”), but it was kinda nice to have someone to talk to about the crazy women in my life, and truly she helped me mature a little by giving the “female” point of view.

So the relationships are not all bad, and Raqi’s kinda right “can’t ever cross that line”

By Dan

November 13, 2008 9:02 AM | Link to this

Good morning, good morning love for the John Legend fans out there…

We spend a lot of time, and a lot of downtime, with the people we work with, be it 40 hours or more. Of course those conversations happen about “who’s dating who” “what you like in a man/woman” and all manner of relationship issues. These are people that you spend the bulk of your waking day with.

I’ve had those conversations, of course, from a detached standpoint (more listening than commenting) and while they are facsinating social interactions, when they go bad, they go really bad.

I’ve had a “work [spouse]” that I often referred to as my “little big sister”, we were cool, close, and hung out a lot after work - but as friends.

We’re not anymore (see: “when they go bad”), but it was kinda nice to have someone to talk to about the crazy women in my life, and truly she helped me mature a little by giving the “female” point of view.

So the relationships are not all bad, and Raqi’s kinda right “can’t ever cross that line”

By Raqi

November 13, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

I am not an overly jealous woman but I do care. I care if some other woman is making advances at my husband. While I will never make a scene I will check a trick if she disrespects me by being all in my man’s space in my presence. And I most definitely will check my husband and then have more than a few words later with him if he doesn’t put a woman in her place at the very moment she disrespects our relationship. I expect my husband to not get to friendly with another woman in my absence, just like I know not to do so when he is not around. But to disrespect me to my face…

By Leggs

November 13, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone!

Dan, hello to you. First, Raqi is more than kinda right. She’s absolutely right. The female has already changed the dynamics of their working relationship. She stated her intent. He’s involved w/another woman but doesn’t want to shut her down. If the girlfriend doesn’t put her foot down, so to speak, then here’s a classic example of “a man can’t do anything to a woman that she doesn’t allow!!!”

By Blow Me a.k.a BIRTHDAY girl is partied OUT!

November 13, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All

This is a bogus a$$ topic…..YAWN!!

By MELO

November 13, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

Morning everyone!! Anyone out there who knows of a good technical school in Atlanta or sorroundings, where i can get good training in Java, MATLAB, R, FAME, Perl,or VBA (any one of these or in combo) in a reasonably short time.I dont want the training online,i want it with a live tutor. Thanks for ur help pple.

By Cemeeli

November 13, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Good Morning!

Today’s topic meets my reality….which is one reason why i blog. There are somethings I know could get out of hand if i would venture to entertain certain people here. That’s why i’m always “working” :). Now, I do have a few colleagues that i will go to the gym, out to lunch, and out on Friday night. But even then when interacting with them i keep it very light. There are a couple close-nit relationships male/female that have build over the years, and those interactions are strictly friendly.

I agree with Raqi on all fronts about not crossing that line.

By Dan

November 13, 2008 9:48 AM | Link to this

Hey Leggs!

Where I was agreeing with Raqi was regarding physical intimacy.

Where I disagreed was the emotional intimacy.

You can be emotionally involved with the “work spouse” and not physically intimate. That’s what makes the dance of “balance” so intriguing.

While there can be an emtional tie, the physical cannot/ should not be crossed if for no other reason than “you work together”.

But there can be the “hang out tight” friends from work, regardless of gender. I think too, though, that the fact that “I don’t see you like that” should be stated often and succinctly to each party.

By Leggs

November 13, 2008 9:56 AM | Link to this

I got what you’re saying, but his girlfriend has stated she’s not comfortable. Therefore, there shouldn’t be any “hanging out” outide of work since the “working spouse” has forever changed the working relationship. Her feelings are out there and everything now will be scrutinized by him, by her and by the girlfriend. The equation has shifted!

By kimmie

November 13, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog Fam

Raqi - You are absolutely correct on all points. No need for me to expound further.

I’ve seen these situations go very bad, for myself and others I know. As Raqi said, red flags all the way when dude started talking about “he doesn’t want to shut her out”! WTF He can certainly check the chick and still have a civil working relationship if he wants to. But no, he wants to keep his options open obviously! One thing I’ve learned about men is that when they truly don’t want to be bothered with you they have NO TROUBLE letting you know, even if they hurt your feelings. They are always going to do exactly what they WANT to do.

A young man I dated for 2 years used to go on and on about this chick he worked with and supposedly they were just “good friends”. The minute he “officially” broke up with me they hooked up, a few months later moved in together and a few months after that married!

Blanca’s friend can be a fool if she wants to!

By AmazonRed

November 13, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

I met my best male friend at work 11 years ago. At first I thought he was trying to holla, but he never made a move. Before I left Cali, we did everything together, took vacations together, and were stand ins for each other when we didn’t want to take a date to functions. He spent many a holiday with my family (and my dad would still like to see him as my husband, lol)

It put a strain on his relationships basically because he always had a “bros before hoes” mentality. He was gonna treat me like family no matter what his dating situation was. I was the one trying to convince the girl that there was really nothing going on. LOL.

As for me, when I was in a relationship, I always kept my friend at a safe distance. I never wanted my guy to feel threatened by my friend.

In any case, it worked itself out because I moved away. He has a girlfriend currently and when I met her she cling to him as a way to mark her territory. LOL.

All this to say, you can have a close relationship with someone but if my friend ever told me to back away because his woman was uncomfortable with our friendship, I absolutely would.

And anyone who wouldn’t, especially in a work situation, has their priorities all wrong!

By Dan

November 13, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

Monkey Wrench

Why would he tell his SO?

What purpose would it serve?

If the woman didn’t tell the SO, no guy that I know would?

Most men in this situation would have either acted on the “work spouses” proposition or not, but the SO wouldn’t have known about either decision for quite some time well after…

I think the names and genders have been changed to protect the innocent, this doesn’t make sense….

By The Truth

November 13, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Morning folks. Welcome back Dan.

There’s 2 sides to this coin.

1)You never let some chick, wives and gf’s included, dictate the nature of your relationship with ANYONE. Ever. Ths is the first step in becoming a true hen pecked bytch. In the next step she’ll eliminate all your friends then leave because you’re “always around and don’t have any friends”.

If she doesn’t trust you that’s something she has to work out, on her own. Her trust issues usually have nothing to do with you but rather something she’s done or had done to her. I wasn’t involved in that and I’m not paying for it.

2)If you really like the chick you’re seeing just tell the woman at work and keep her in check too. I think this is the problem with men nowadays, they let these chicks dictate to much of their lives. They try to hard to be her friend vs being a leader.

Women go in a womans place, and thats not dictating my life.

By Leggs

November 13, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this

There’s no monkey wrench here. The only monkey wrench would be if he unzipped his pants and decided to do the horizontal mambo and disrespect his girlfriend. That’s the only wrench!!!

By Cemeeli

November 13, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

…if i was stuck on a desert island i’d eat fish and grits….

7:20am (ish) I shuffle to bedroom and get busy with the hair. Manage not to burn my sausage fingers with my flat irons for once.

7:33am After getting ready for work while listening to some music and viewing my lil cuzzy’s memoir DVD on the hd. I realized I’d been playing the SAME song every other day for the last hundred years….

7:40am I pack the boy’s lunch. As I walk back pass hallway, look 2 the right, there’s flattened carpet square where the trumpet instruction booklet (it had been there since beginning of school yr) was gone, much to my mild disappointment (I’d had an internal bet with myself that it would be there til Christmas).

7:48 Heading out…Our front door is like Fort Knox, so it takes a good minute or two to get it all locked up. hmmmph Why is my purse so heavy? Dag, I forget that dumb, “smart phone”. As I think about how/why i lived an “anti-smartphone life” before, and how the “regular” cell phone was much better at keeping up! sigh

8:51am Open front door to building and immediately regret not calling in/dogging it/stabbing myself in eyes as our receptionist bellows at me about getting away early tomorrow and about how good I am at text messages. Huh?

By Shaw-T Lo

November 13, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

well…there are only two types of females in my life whether it be work or play and they are:

  • the one(s) im getting money wit.

  • the one(s) im hitting or trynna hit.

    • that’s it. male/female nonsexual relationships don’t exist in my world, cause anythang else is just b/s and i keeps my shyte all the way “real”.

    cause the type of man i am, if you enter or I invite you into my atomsphere, it’s cause the physcial get me first (attraction) and i have already thought bout hittin’ it and upon closer explaination you will fit into one of the above listed options.

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 10:12 AM | Link to this

    Wes Supper, Truth!

    @Leggs

    Fa sho it’s a monkey wrench, why would a grown man openly tell his SO about another woman’s advances, before a decision was made?

    Guys don’t work like that. Now the homeboy might get the info, but the guy (in question) ain’t bout to take those kinda problems home to his lady until a decision has been made.

    If he acts, she’ll never know (maybe an inkling at the office Christmas Party).

    If he doesn’t act, he’ll tell her six month after the fact and have set the stage by either dogging the chick or not mentioning her anymore.

    I’ve never heard of a guy asking his SO whether or not to “act” with a woman that has shown interest, have you?

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

    that’s it. male/female nonsexual relationships don’t exist in my world

    Shaw-T, that’s kinda sad. You’re missing out.

    By Raqi

    November 13, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

    Dan I have to say that I have never been in a relationship (sex) with a man that I did not first develop an intimate emotional bond with. That’s the nature of most women. At least that I have know of. Not all but most. Emotional intimacy is just as inappropriate as physical intimacy. I don’t carry intimate emotional connections for any man except my husband, because that connection (for me) is what makes you want to confide and find solace in that person in times of need. Therefore usually leading to the desire for physical comfort and intimacy.

    Heck I know me. I know when I want to be held by the person that I have an emotional bond with. Yeah I have friends that I confide in and I have received a hug from a friend, but I don’t claim emotional intimacy with those friends. And better yet those friends are women.

    It is unacceptable in my book. And I know for a fact that if my husband found out I was confiding in another man outside of my oldest brother about things that I should be going to him for as my husband, confidant, hero and knight he would be very very upset and unsympathetic.

    By For Real

    November 13, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

    What up BLog fam!

    For Real now driving the Urang to Rev. Young’s church for 7 days of sex with married women in the name of the lord.

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 10:18 AM | Link to this

    A grown man will tell his SO cuz he’s covering his a$$. He thinks that his honesty is almost like carte blance to perhaps gingerly step that way. He’s trying to assure his girlfriend that he’s not interested but doesn’t want to shut her down. WTF is that! He’s laying bricks to start creeping. That’s how I’m looking at it!

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

    @Raqi

    That’s my point though.

    You can be my homegirl in the same way I have homeboy’s - no physical intimacy.

    We talk, I like you as a person, but I don’t see you in a sexual way at all. The exact phrase was “anatomically blank Barbie”

    But, I’ve had several female friends that I never got down with and those that I did, but the difference in reference and how we interact is stark. Night and day.

    Quite often, the platonic homegirls knew the non platonic ones.

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

    Leggs

    I’m thinking, maybe he told his girlfriend because it will help keep him honest. Maybe in another time and place he would be interested but maybe he realizes he has a LOT to lose, not only in his relationship, but also at his job, by going there.

    Maybe he has a type of guy who has a relationship based on trust and honesty. Maybe he told her because this situation affects her too.

    I know some of the guys on here don’t “get it” but just because something sounds foreign to you, doesn’t mean it’s rare or even unlikely.

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

    @Leggs

    No man is that clever.

    Either it has happened, and he’s stopped mentioning her (we react by dogging her after the fact);

    Or it didn’t happen and while he’s mentioning her, he never mentions her advance.

    By Raqi

    November 13, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

    “…mark her territory.”

    Ya damn skippy. That’s why Mase has a hickie one his chest and another on his belly right now. So any intruders will know “look b!tch you messing with a crazy woman’s property. Now step the hell off.” LOL

    Just kidding but not really. He does have a hickie, but that’s TMI for this early in the morn. LOL

    By M'Karyl

    November 13, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

    On Topic Raqi has made some valid points…as usual…the woman wanted to change the dynamic…something is missing in her personal life and she is transferring it the work related bond with her co-worker….WRONG!!!!

    @Melo

    Check with Dekalb Tech or Perimeter College…or Devry…those are some good options for pursuing leads to your questions…also perhaps some Continuing Education programs.

    By kimmie

    November 13, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

    Raqi - ^5 on your 10:16. As usual, you are on point today

    Leggs - ^5 on your 10:18 too!

    These dudes can try to twist this mess up all they want to, talking about woman dictating who they’re friends with and all that BS. They know when they’re not being right and shyt is about to go down. Like I said, they can check a chick when they want to.

    Both parties have to listen to that little inner voice. If it makes you uncomfortable, it’s dog on sure gonna make your SO uncomfortable. Where you put your priority will direct your decision.

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

    It can go either way ARed.

    Dan, sorry, I completely disagree w/you! Some men ARE just that clever!!! We, women, think of all possible angles. You may not be that clever to think along those lines, believe you me many men out there are doing exactly what I posted!

    By M'Karyl

    November 13, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

    @ARed

    Truly, I have learned to value my platonic relationships with my male friends…for me it is like an extension of the relationships I have/had with my male family members…I still value the HUMAN factor over all other considerations…I am a fullfilled as a human being as the ppl who have contributed to acknowledging and embracing me as a person…and that includes my platonic, non-sexual relationships with men.

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 10:41 AM | Link to this

    @Leggs

    We, women, think of all possible angles.

    ^^That statement right there, is the cause of stress.

    Guys don’t take stuff that seriously, or think about it that much.

    If my lady has a male friend that she talks about constantly, I immediately think “he’s gay”. I may even reference that idea with her. I would never suspect an ulterior motive becuase I’m handling my business - thus negating him as a threat.

    So, no, I’mma disagree that a guy is that duplicitous. If he is, he might need to be checked for the switch, becuase “normal” males don’t plot that deep.

    By Shaw-T Lo

    November 13, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this

    redd

    it aint sad one bit, it’s “real.” anythang else is phony fake azz games.

    By MLL

    November 13, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

    I read that article earlier this week. People know darn well what they are doing when they are being chummy with their co workers. They tell the co worker things they don’t thell their SO, buying food, gifts for the co workers, things like that. I have a co worker who have been trying to get chummy with me for all of the 8 years since I’ve been with this company, I’ve stand firmed all these years and will continue until I leave this company, I’m not interested in being a work spouse.

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

    Dan, give me a break. No, it’s not a sign of stress. We just think differently from you guys. We have stated this over and over and over on this blog. Some of us are more analytical than others. Some take things as they come and not look for ulterior motives. Nonetheless, not grounds for stress. Personally, I like to think! I’m not the type to do “undercover” work because I can bring out the true “representative” fairly quickly!

    By Raqi

    November 13, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

    Dan let me tell you this. There something husbands that outside women know. Those men are probably marriage minded. Those men probably are not afraid of commitment. Those men are probably settled. Those men probably family oriented. That’s what makes a lot of married men attractive. Especially to those women desiring husbands and/or committed relationships. A lot of women today do not respect relationships and will try to move in on some one else’s.

    There are some good men that still exist today that resist the urge of the new new. But that does not stop some women from pursuing what they have no rightful claim to. So it’s up to the men to keep those pursuers in check. Don’t play with fire.

    I have no problem inviting myself into the company of my husband and another woman if I feel she is getting to close. Like I said earlier I know how to not make a scene but still let her know who I am. And also gently grab his hand or touch his arm in a way to say, “don’t go to far Fido” all while smiling and having a cordial conversation with them both.

    You know how I know when he feels like I have been standing talking to a man to long, he will walk over to where I am. And has been know to make a joke about that man trying to take his wife. I can tell the difference now in his tone and laughter when he is serious about something compared to just jesting.

    There is nothing wrong with innocent conversation, but a woman can see with another woman is flirting with a man. Women know women. Just a man can stand back and note the body gestures of another man that is attracted to a woman.

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 10:51 AM | Link to this

    MLL, exactly. I have 3 guys here at my job who have been after me for years. I call them diehards, cuz they don’t understand No, a cussing out when they step wrong, nor a threat to HR. They lead w/their hormones and not their brain. I stand firm in my place to be nothing more than a co-worker. No co-worker w/benefits going down w/me!

    By Raqi

    November 13, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

    *People know darn well what they are doing when they are being chummy with their co workers.

    MLL I agree 10001%. While I am far from being insecure in my marriage, I ain’t nobody’s fool.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

    it is what it is. a man is gonna do whatever his selfish behind is gonna do. i just dont understand why he gave up all the details of his work relationship. hmmmm, stupid maybe? now she has to wonder everyday about what they’re doin’.

    anyhoo, if i were her i would act as if. act as if nothing was going on, cause there aint a dayum thing i can do about it.

    disclaimer - if it were four years ago, my post would of stated different.

    By kimmie

    November 13, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this

    Dan - I value my male friendships immensely. If you ask them they would say the same thing.

    But you know when things have crossed the line. I get along wonderfully with my male coworkers and occasionally we go to lunch and talk about our SO’s and family and whatnot. There’s still that invisible line that neither party has crossed over into the emotional intimacy area. The separation is extremely clear. If ever we were to cross that line, it would only be a matter of time before the physical would go down. There’s no getting around it. And no matter how discreet you try to be, others around you can feel the tension and know what’s going on.

    In Blanca’s friends case, the coworker chick knows dude has a girlfriend, but hey they are not married, so she figured she would go for hers. There is no going back to the way things were! She crossed the line. If dude put her in check and she respects that, things will still never be the same. But he is disrespecting her because obviously he cares more about coworker and their budding “relationship” than the one he already has. Her discomfort does not concern him. Suppose the tables were turned, how would he feel? Bet your last dollar he would kick her to the curb for disrespecting him & the relationship!

    By Jadrien

    November 13, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

    First off, good morning to Amazon Red, M’Karyl, Truth, Dan, and Leggs. Been a couple of weeks since i been on here. How is everyone? I haven’t really been in a situation like that, but kind of similar when i was in high school. I just started working at Piggly Wiggly and almost at the same time started dating this girl that had came to church with one of my home girls a few times. But, the girl was jealous because there was a girl at work that liked me and my friends at work used to tease me about it. It didn’t matter to her that i never even as much as said hi to the girl, she just didn’t like me working around her. I’m not going to lie, the girl at work was fine as hell, but i was REALLY into my girl and i just wasn’t interested in her or any other girl at the time.

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

    You got it Raqi is all I can say!

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 10:59 AM | Link to this

    @Raqi

    That’s just not me, if another man is flirting with my lady and she doesn’t shut it down, then that’s on her.

    And if a woman is flirting with me, I hardly even notice anymore and my lady sees it, she should have the same confidence in me to shut it down.

    @Leggs

    Question NBF, does “thinking about all the possibilities” invite more conjecture and suspicion where none may exist?

    It would appear to me that it does.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 11:01 AM | Link to this

    And also gently grab his hand or touch his arm in a way to say, “don’t go to far Fido” all while smiling and having a cordial conversation with them both.

    yep! you go girl.

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

    That’s why Mase has a hickie one his chest and another on his belly right now. So any intruders will know “look b!tch you messing with a crazy woman’s property. Now step the hell off.” LOL

    LOL Raqi, I surely do understand. That’s why I don’t even hate when some girl thinks it needs to be done to me. LOL

    Shaw-T, to each his/her own.

    By Raqi

    November 13, 2008 11:04 AM | Link to this

    Dan you missed it. Women know women and men know men. The actions of a man clearly seen by another man is not always that clear to a woman.

    By Cemeeli

    November 13, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this

    ….whistling….

    These dudes can try to twist this mess up all they want to, talking about woman dictating who they’re friends with and all that BS. They know when they’re not being right and shyt is about to go down. Like I said, they can check a chick when they want to.

    Hey kimmie! throwing the peace sign up

    By M'Karyl

    November 13, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

    I see on CNN where a basketball team, the Nets I believe, are offering free tickets to their unemployed fans if they send in a resume. They then plan to send the resumes to their corporate sponsors and a few hundred other companies…umm, interesting.

    By MELO

    November 13, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

    thanks M’Karyl, im looking up the schools online and i dont read what i wanna hear(all they want is my money,nothing detailed about the merits of the school/programs).If anybody has a good/bad experience, please share it with me if u can or write to me: takpat78@gmail.com.Dont need a degree,just a certificate:quick and dirty kind of thing on anyone of those subject courses.Tnx! On topic: a wife at wrk? i will proly vibe with an elderly kind of lady,somebody who can give me something on the inside about females.Any body my age group, i will proly pass coz if u get too near me,u end up up-ended.Unless thats the route im deciding to take, i would rather stay away from that.That causes a lot unhappy drama!

    By DuShawn

    November 13, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

    I used to work with a chick that I really liked. She was cute, so hood, and mad cool. Our lunch break discussions would be like Nat Turner and Harriet Tubman planning our escape from the corporate plantation. We really enjoyed one another’s company. She was a single mom and I was a married Dad. We never overstepped the boundaries, but occasionally we would harmlessly flirt. I mentioned her to my wife and told her how similar their personalities were. She said she wanted to meet her. In the back of my mind, I’m immediately plotting the ménage. I set it up, they met and became friends. That was a couple of years ago. Now, our kids go to the same school, she and wifey hang out often. The ménage never jumped off and probably never will. As a matter of fact, she invited us to her crib to watch the election results the other night. She is one of realest females I’ve ever met. My wife senses I dig her a little too much. It’s a strange dynamic when we’re all together. Admittedly, I am a slimy dude, but even I, wouldn’t try one of my wife’s friends behind her back. Unfortunately, my efforts to get it poppin with the threesome were not well received. Imma just get in were I fit in and see how it plays out.

    By Cemeeli

    November 13, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

    M’karyl i heard about that on the radio this morn. It’d be great if they could give that deal at the grocery store.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

    continued - if this so-called work relationship is what she thinks it is, invite the huzzy over for dinner and ask her to bring her man! if she got one. i mean they work together and the only way the relationship will cease is if one of them quit, right? well, mix yo butt right up in there with them. knowing her she’ll decline or say her man is working or whatever. but while she’s over for a lil suppa, do a raqi on her azz!

    in other words, get involved.

    By kimmie

    November 13, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this

    Hey sister Cee - These guys know what time it is! Don’t start nothing won’t be nothing.

    I am confident as all get out, but I’m just not going to stand around and be disrespected. My SO’s feelings are always going to come before some random coworker friendship.

    We’re going for our gold belts this weekend!

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

    …In Blanca’s friends case, the coworker chick knows dude has a girlfriend, but hey they are not married, so she figured she would go for hers. There is no going back to the way things were! She crossed the line. That’s it in a nutshell.

    Hello Jadrien

    Dan, for some of course it would. I have a girlfriend that conjures up or sorts of things that don’t exist. I’m not like that. All I’m saying is there’s nothing wrong with thinking and analyzing the days events, the days behavior, why this occurred, why that occurred. Conjuring up stuff, no I’m not done w/that.

    By MELO

    November 13, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

    Unfortunately, my efforts to get it poppin with the threesome were not well received By the wify u mean??? coz u sayThe ménage never jumped off so at least u tried?? Do u think u will end up going behind the wify anyway??

    By Cemeeli

    November 13, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

    Dushawn This brother right here…..sigh, Ménage?!?! Dude for the honor of the homegurl single moms, i’m glad that you ARE just gonna leave that one alone? If for nothing else, but for ole Cee. :)

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

    @Kimmie

    I with you, my sister and I would clown around constantly, talk everyday, inside jokes and all.

    The physical was never a problem until it was, but just becuase that “line” is breached it does not mean something is going to happen.

    No means no, on both sides of the gender fence.

    At the same time, though, if we cooling like that I don’t really feel you “in that way” then let it chill.

    By M'Karyl

    November 13, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

    Hey Jadrien…good to see you back!!!

    @Cee Well, it is about to get real interesting…everything in the economy is connected…and when one area falls short…the pockets of others begin to feel the pinch…ppl better look up and look within…we have not seen nor experienced that worst of what is to come…but the steadfast and faithful shall remain the same…me, nothing new…just watching the numbers around me increase abundantly…hey-ale…gonna start my own blogradiotalk.com show…lol…got lots of tips, ideas and soulutions.

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this

    We never overstepped the boundaries, but occasionally we would harmlessly flirt. I mentioned her to my wife and told her how similar their personalities were.

    Thank you DuShawn. That illustrates an earlier point I made.

    Hey Jadrien, good to see you back on.

    By The Truth

    November 13, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

    Jadrien welcome back. Did you say you’re over in Kuwait? Is that contract work? I need some info if you can. Drop me a note at atlred01@yahoo.com.

    All this back and forth supposes that someone owns someone. This is not the case. If a dude isn’t happy where he is he’s going to keep other options open, as he should. Same for women. Instead of claiming someone just do you and let the chips fall where they may.

    By OfficeMan

    November 13, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

    I love the attention my office spouse gives me. She really knows how to stroke my ego. Where was she when I was single?

    By M'Karyl

    November 13, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

    Now retail stores are bringing back layaway…lmao…up top that was how ppl got good within their means…affordably…then an abundance of credit cards cut it off…what is old in new again…lol

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

    DuShawn, I too am glad you thought w/your heart and respect for your wife. You stepped back because you knew it was the right thing to do. You may not have wanted to, but that’s what love and respect is all about doing things you don’t want to do but need to do! ^5!

    By DuShawn

    November 13, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

    Do u think u will end up going behind the wify anyway?? Hell nawww! To be honest, at this point I value her friendship way more than the azz. Ocassionally, I’ll try to put one of my potnahs up on her, but they never last.

    By Poppa Grande

    November 13, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

    Good Morning,All

    Raqi

    So any intruders will know “look b!tch you messing with a crazy woman’s property. Now step the hell off.” LOL

    I think that is why my then gf (now wife) used to use my hairbrush & comb even though she knew that I hated it. Then then leave them on my bathroom vanity of my apartment with her long stringy hair that couldn’t possibly be mine. She knows that it still gets on my nerves when she does that.

    on topic

    There are some good men that still exist today that resist the urge of the new new. But that does not stop some women from pursuing what they have no rightful claim to. So it’s up to the men to keep those pursuers in check. Don’t play with fire.

    I stole Raqi’s paragraphs because it is tough typing with this darn brace on my wrist…Stupid Carpal Tunnel syndrome.

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

    @Raqi

    My “sister” would meet the women I was dating (except when it was inter-company) and the vibe would be fine. Each knew their respective roles, as in if girly had met the homeboys and saw us interact, she’d see the same thing with me and “sis”.

    So there was no threat, “sis” never pushed it or the women, consequently no issues.

    @Du

    I hollered “thank you” out loud becasue I wouldn’t be the one to start the talk about the “menage”, but know my knocka that I was right there with you!!!

    By Jadrien

    November 13, 2008 11:26 AM | Link to this

    I don’t know, i guess workplace romance isn’t my type of thing. I have worked with plenty of attractive women in my job, but just couldn’t see myself in a relationship with them. I seen it a lot when i was on the ship. It’s REALLY messy when things don’t work out, especially if one of them is the supervisor.

    By Shaw-T Lo

    November 13, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this

    melo

    mayne, i agree 100%. you come that azz this way trynna be “just friends”, imma introduce you to my “little friend.” he likes meeting new pudsy.

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this

    Beau sent me a email a couple weeks ago letting me know that an attorney at his company took him out for a business lunch at the Palms Restaurant. He told me this without prompting and said he’d thought I’d really like that place.

    After asking if he had a good time and got his network on, I put it out of my mind. I certainly wasn’t gonna stress myself out about it. But I was glad that he told me.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

    in the past, i would trip. but today, i would take advantage of the situation. have y’all ever heard of a relationship at home being great because of a relationship he has to deal with outside of the home?

    By MLL

    November 13, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this

    You’ve got to be very careful since some co workers live out fantasies looking for co workers to fill in where their SO doesn’t. As for B’s friend she knows what she’s doing by setting the stake high for her co workers girlfirend.

    By Jadrien

    November 13, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

    Truth, actually i’m in Bahrain right now. Not a contractor, in the military. But, if you are interested in contract work, i can try to ask around and find out some information for you.

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 11:34 AM | Link to this

    You’ve got to be very careful since some co workers live out fantasies looking for co workers to fill in where their SO doesn’t.

    MLL, that sounds like the good ole 80/20 rule! LOL

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this

    Of course Beautiful. Can also work for married couples and one all the other spouse steps out. In some cases it strenghtens the marriage and in others it breaks it like a thirst craved twig!

    By MELO

    November 13, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

    I had a similar experience years back when i was with the bank.I wasnt married but was in a committed relationship with my current wife.We met downstairs during our lunch break in the wing/cafe that pple from the bank frequented.From henceforth we became a cple during lunch/breaks.She had a boyfriend and she told me that when she told her boyfriend about me, he wasnt too pleased and had some misgivings and he would tease her every now and ask her about the african friend.But i think she had a deeper attraction than she admitted to the boyfriend.One day,in our break room, i was holding an Xmas catalog from one of these dept stores and was looking at some cute female items i was planning on getting for my girl and she leaned over and said maybe u can get me that for xmas.I replied and what do i get in return She said * dont know*,thats when the flood gates opened coz i knew that was an invitation to hit that!We arranged to baptize that booty on the satrday that both of us were wrking overtime. Needless to say, i balked at the last minute and called it off.Soon after, i left the bank. And there ended my real flirtation with co-wrkers.I try not to do it coz they always end up complicating things for me.Coz i can be smooth even when she starts off innocently close.

    By Dan

    November 13, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

    @MLL

    Coworker or not, if you looking for that “fill in” you looking.

    Work just happens to be the easiest place to start.

    By Raqi

    November 13, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

    DuShawn That is it right there. Any friends of the opposite sex must be “OUR” friends. If not then they must go bye bye.

    By mqew

    November 13, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

    Morning all

    Sounds like dude is just chilaxing. Not really giving a flying fig about nuttin, including his girl.

    There was this guy at my old gig that would come to our office suite often to visit after doing phone work for the office. He would always comment on my feet heeled sandals in the summer that they looked nice. Well, my hubby would always compliment as well and one day I was like, “What’s with men and feet, why do I always get compliments on my feet?” He was like who’s complimenting you. I told him, and he was instantly offended. He explains that, to some, seeing a woman’s feet in open or sandled shoes, in nice shoes, is almost like seeing breastescest. He advised that dude was up to no good. I was like, naaaa, he’s not trying to hit. Long story short, dude ends up bringing me some shoes. I cut that short, checked him. There was no way in hayo I was tellin SO. Mainly, cause I get tired of his big head when he’s right…. he calls alot of stuff.

    AND

    Dude ended up being fired because he reportedly touched some ones feet.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

    there’s a possibility that he is attracted to her this women he works with. being with her … would it make him feel proud and happy about what he has at home? because if he was cheating on her, he wouldn’t share with blanca’s friend the office relationship.

    By MLL

    November 13, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

    Dan normal guys do plot deep LOL…

    By AmazonRed

    November 13, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

    That is it right there. Any friends of the opposite sex must be “OUR” friends. If not then they must go bye bye.

    Raqi, I agree. Especially if you meet them after we’re together. All of his friends have become my friends. If things don’t work out, I guess he can have em back. LOL

    By Keep it real!

    November 13, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

    Good Afternoon peeps!

    Kimmie: That dude you were dating was not for you!

    Sometimes Chemistry with another woman is right in our face and we are just putting off making a mature decision.

    Men and Women make up their mind when they really want something so no one should string another person along while they are figuring out who they want to be with!

    By Leggs

    November 13, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

    You know, ole boy could simply be telling his gf that there’s someone else interested in him, and she needs to step up her game.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this

    does anyone have a dog who burps? that dayum chewy! gross.

    i feel that this guy is doing nothing wrong. he is doing what is natural to him. now that huzzy biitch tramp … that’s the one who is up to no dayum good! i dont trust the heffa.

    By DuShawn

    November 13, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

    The receptionist in our office is ridiculously fine. I’ve been lusting after this girl since the day I met her. On Casual Friday’s, when she’s in them jeans….my goodness! I’m so physically tempted; I rarely speak to her and definitely can’t look at her for very long. I’m embarrassed to admit my perverseness, but sometimes when she walks by, I’ll get up and pretend I have a destination in the same direction just to walk behind that azz. Dayum…I need help.

    By MLL

    November 13, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

    There are some office crushes going on too, being slick trying to get a feel by giving you hugs everytime they see you.

    By Beautiful

    November 13, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

    they have been working together for how long? she prolly knows more about him than blanca’s friend does. and the co-worker hasn’t made an attempt to meet her? you know he has mentioned b’s friend to her.

    see what he started. lol