Misadventures in Atlanta

By jct

November 3, 2008 8:33 AM | Link to this

“Disregarded her wishes.” What a nice way to say rape. I was shocked by that episode of Mad Men. He pushed her in the floor and ripped her under things. The camera angles were fasinating; the camera scrolled up from her legs and stopped on her face. You could see her going into a safe place in her head so that she could get through this indignity.

Ughhh, the first thing on this bill of rights is that no means no.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 8:40 AM | Link to this

First of all No means No. Period. I don’t care what relationship you are in. There is no gray area.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this

It is very important to have an understanding upfront. It is very important to know the ground rules. We all have our “thing” and with that thing we have to be clear about it. Very early into my relationship I let it be known when I mean “No!” and when I mean “No…(please take me now).” I guess you all get what I am saying. For me I had to make the difference clear.

And just because you are married to someone, in a relationship with someone, or just their fwb does not give them the right to take it against your will. Or for that matter to do anything during the act that is against your wishes.

While the Bible says “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” it does not mean each has a right to violate the other or force them.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this

so if we romping,getting freasky and all, i need to get the consent form signed be4 i get penetration,is that what u saying?? That takes away all the fun i supposed.And ur answer should be an emphatic YES.No muffled ugh, or ohhh in the heat of excitement.Make it a loud YES! If thats how u roll,my dykk is flat by the time u finish signing that paper.Im out!!

By RELL - LMAO

November 3, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

raqi does that include marriage as well….how would gray rape fall in marriage….???

NOTE - i dont like rape…i think it is the worst thing that could happen to anyone…i had a former girlfriend of six years that was kidnapped and rape after we broke up…i also had a former class mate of mind that was a victim of a B & E and ganged raped…..rape effects more than the victim..it extends to friends an family!

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

melo the best thing to do is to stay out of those compromising situations if you know you are not down for what could possibly happen. Just like I don’t want a guy getting me all bucket nekkid and wet and not following thru, I wouldn’t get him to that point and back out. Ain’t no such thing as I didn’t mean for it to go “that”. Unless you are a first timer, you know the path that leads to the mountain top. Stop before it gets there.

Now the clip of Mad Men, he totally violated her. She did nothing to lead him on. If being your mates regular and finding yourself alone in a room is interpreted as a lead on, you got some issues that really need to be dealt with.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this

Rell rape is rape. No matter who does it, it is still rape. If I say no then no it should be. To force someone against their will is a violation to their being. And yes a husband can violate his wife. Like I said earlier…

By MELO

November 3, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

I wouldn’t get him to that point and back out good for u but u know, assuming a girl gets to that point and they do it,she can still press charges if she wants to and the guy has no recourse,no proof,nothing.I am sure a lot of guys have been wrongly accused and convicted,when clearly,the woman seemed to be giving tacit approval.Its a dilemna guys do face. When i look at my past,i can testify that i have had sexx with women and i assumed everything was okay based on the vibe i was getting.Yes i have stopped when a woman said no, but in those instances where my hand moves were not checked and she seemed to be opening the path ways, i proceeded.No verbal final consent was ever given.Thats clearly a risk i toook,when i look back coz if she had reneged or flipped on me after the do,I would have been caught butt nekked,legally!

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Way to jump start Monday morning Wise.

First, no doesn’t always mean no. Thats some old politcally correct bs thats spread in open forums. Most of the chicks on this blog and women period want and need a man to take that thing sometimes. You like to be be “helpless”, unless something happened in your childhood that has altered you. So lets stop with all the its terrible ish.

Second, if that chick wanted him to stop all she had to do was scream, there were people around. Sure she would lose a fiance but if what happened was so terrible she’d leave him anyway.

Third, and I hate to get off base here a little, is that for every womans that raped there’s a cat thats run through the ringer too. I tend to think they balance out in the end.

Ladies, if you didn’t think your man could physically, mentally, and emotionally dominate you you wouldn’t want him anyway so lets quit the acting. You can come on here spouting whatever you like but you and I know when you get home, if ish was done right, you’re Polly the homemaker.

Fellas, the only difference between rape and being overpowered is how much she likes you. Stop the madness.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 9:57 AM | Link to this

And Rell persuasion and force are two different things. I know persuasion very well. Force not so. The only time I have ever been made to feel like I was manipulated into sex was once with Whitebread. I told him no and he waited until I was asleep and brought me to arousal. I told him I did not appreciate it and I was not happy about it. In fact I was angry with him. Other than that I have never had to experience being physically and strongly taken by force as in the clip.

If I say no and you can get me to say “well…okay” that’s a point for you on your skills of persuasion. LOL

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 10:01 AM | Link to this

melo there is no verbal consent to move forward. That’s the caught. Only a no gets prosecuted. If you are with a tease (yes…no…yes…no stop…) you need to man up and walk away from that situation. The only thing you are sure to get from that is the possibility of jail time.

By MLL

November 3, 2008 10:05 AM | Link to this

Great topic Wise Diva. This topis speaks great volumn of what goes on everyday in the lives of women and some men whether dating/relationship or marriage. NO means NO and to throw gray (never heard of it before)in it should not justify going all the way without consent. There are some men who won’t take no for an answer esp if they are up for the occasion. It’s like calling it gray rape is to say it happened but really didn’t happend.

By Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

November 3, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

For me, “no” is “no.” There are too many women playing games and even more who don’t mind messing up a guy’s life with rape allegations.

Also, if a woman decided she didn’t want to do the “grown folks” after getting me hot and bothered, she wouldn’t have to worry about seeing me again. That’s silly stuff I dealt with in my teens and early 20s. Ain’t no way in heck I’m dealing with that in my 30s.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

So Truth if you are with a woman and she has tears in her eyes and a look of terror on her face you would proceed to force yourself on her because there is a possibility she really wants it. Is that what you are implying?

Yeah I like a hands on man, but when I don’t want it, I don’t want it. You need to know your party before you start trying out your man handling skills on her. Know when she means no.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 10:10 AM | Link to this

Morning!

Sad topic…but I believe there is a gray rape. Even though its not forced sometimes women say no and a guy will keep on trying to do it…by either intimidation or hard persuasion. I think a guy should always ask before he comes in…

Uh rape is rape whether its a small child or a grown up its about power over someone else …there is no balance in that its just wrong. So Truth if it was your family member who was raped ..you would think of the balance of things?

Bedroom Bill of Rights

Lets talk about it first

By MELO

November 3, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

I told him no and he waited until I was asleep and brought me to arousal Why wait till arousal when u could have easily jumped outa of the bed?These are the conflicting messages u give guys.If im horny and raging, yes i get a little pushy but if u are like no and then later u say okaaaaay,thats a trap u setting! And many guys are in the pen exactly this way.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this

Chink I am a believer that both parties have to be consenting but this right here “I think a guy should always ask before he comes in…”, are you saying that you will allow a guy to get you to the point of being wide open, wet and wild but then have to stop and ask “do I have permission to enter?”. I mean if you aren’t planning on going there you should allow it to get that far. Or am I misunderstanding that statement?

By Kym

November 3, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I have never seen the show MadMen..but if the show is indeed conforming to the times they were in, then violations like that happen quite alot. And in those days it would be pretty hard to prove. There are some old laws on the books in Georgia that during that time frame were not really favorable to women.

Bedroom list..

I posted this video I think a year or two ago. It is kind of inline with what we are talking about today. Maybe this is really what we are coming to.

Consent

By abc

November 3, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this

Now, it’s not as if I’m going to ask first, but if the woman isn’t feeling it, one can tell; and if she flat out says no and means it, one can tell. If pressed after that, criminal charges are in order. If one claims they really can’t tell, then they just plain stupid, and that doesn’t preclude the charges.

Consider if it were you daughter. Man up. If it were my daughter, to heck with charges, I’d kill the mf. Maybe something short of that, mahybe; but the ER would have a serious job on their hands.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 10:24 AM | Link to this

So melo everytime I don’t want to have sex I am suppose to sleep in another room? Whitebread and I were living together. We shared a bed. He was an intimidator by nature (I eventually realized) and he felt like he could get it by waiting until I went to sleep. You he is the s** and he gets what he wants when he wants it…he thinks.

I am glad our relationship ended when it did.

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

DISCLAIMER *Being rape is not a joke…and my heart goes out to anyone…who has been. It’s a truly helpless feeling…and a the ultimate violation….a Man will never truly understand this. The opinions in the post are strictly BLOW’s and only blows. Also I am giving my opinion…on a relationship/situation standpoint. Not a random Rape….I would like to clarify that as well.

* Good Morning All*

@ Truth

You can come on here spouting whatever you like but you and I know when you get home, if ish was done right, you’re Polly the homemaker

Yes SIR!!! LOL! NO lie that is true. But what I think EVERYONE is trying to say..it’s has to be in good taste..and the right time and moment. If that is something you guys are into. If not..then it is wayy off base and it’s a rape. If you into the kinky-ness..I’m cool with it. But I do think it’s something that needs to be discussed. Women like to be dominated in the RIGHT way..Not a way where you are using it as a WEAKNESS and disrespectfully.

Most of the chicks on this blog and women period want and need a man to take that thing sometimes

LOL! Yeah..but a lot of men don’t know that it has to be in sync with each other. Don’t try this all willy nilly..and expect to not get the po-po’s called on you. Playin the rape scenario…falls heavily way on down the line.

I personally can go for it. That’s one of my fantasies….lol. But I and we have to be into each other like that. Again! this has to be discussed. Every woman is not the same. And will not feel the same as I do. Make sure she really wants it. Before you truly catch a case!

Being rape is not a joke…and my heart goes out to anyone…who has been. It’s a truly helpless feeling…and a the ultimate voliation….a Man will never truly understand this.

Also….a think…each woman defines a rape (relationship wise) differently.

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

Rape is if a chicks walking down the street and I don’t know her and walk up, conk her on the head, and have sex with her.

Under your term rape I’ve been guilty in EVERY relationship I’ve been in (And remember this was a relationship in that scene). From past discussions those were the moments that most like best.

Raqi my ex-wife cried but now thats all she talks about. How do you want a man to do his thing but then ask you if its ok too? It’s simple, you live under my roof and sometimes I need to get off. Since thats the job you signed up for I’ll convince you thats its in your interest to do it. If a mfugger breaks in at 2am I may not feel like doing my job either but I will. Y’all spend too much time in your emotions and you start believing that other people care what YOU feel.

Chink if my family members get raped, and statistics say that one or more may have, thats something they have to deal with. I don’t get in their business and wouldn’t want to listen to the bs that would be spouted for the next 10 years. I don’t even talk to my sister about her dating practices because TO ME she’s like most women making totally illogical decisions and then expecting logical conclusions.

By Kym

November 3, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Here is the version I was looking for the athlete version

Consent-Pro athlete version

By MELO

November 3, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

Raqi i have had sexx with my wife,in a loving relationship,even when initialy,she said no.I have also backed off in other instances when she clearly did not want it.All im saying is that most men dont take the initial no,they will persist to a point.I wish the law and females could also see it from the male perspective. We need consistency here.It is possible for 2 people in a loving relatiosnships to develop certain standards about their relatiosnhip but a woman can easily violate that standard and flip the script screaming rapee when infact,she has done the same thing in the past without raising hell.It all depends on her motivations!!

By Chink

November 3, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Morning!

Sad topic…but I believe there is a gray rape. Even though its not forced sometimes women say no and a guy will keep on trying to do it…by either intimidation or hard persuasion. I think a guy should always ask before he comes in…

Uh rape is rape whether its a small child or a grown up its about power over someone else …there is no balance in that its just wrong. So Truth if it was your family member who was raped ..you would think of the balance of things?

Bedroom Bill of Rights

Lets talk about it first

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this

Although Truth can be way off balance..

I think the women and men today are not understanding each other.

Women I think you are taking the fellas to the left extreme. I truly believe the men are talking about this in GOOD taste. Not in a sick psycho way.

At least that’s what I am feeling.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Truth persuasion is one thing, but force is something totally different. Persuasion does not bring tears but possibly a change of mind and the right to enter. Signing up for being your intimate partner does not give you the power to take by force. If you need to get off that bad, tell her how bad it is and maybe she will oblige. And if not, do it yourself. Why hurt the one you love?

However if that is all she means to you and you don’t love her, she would need to look into why she would continue to remain in an abusive relationship.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

November 3, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

Truth, You sure know how to spice things up on a Monday morning.

By kimmie

November 3, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this

Morning Blog Fam! Happy Monday & Election Eve

When I was very young(teens/early 20’s) I used to think it would be easy to fight a guy off, no matter how big he was. I got a rude awakening. I had just graduated from college and had moved back home. There was this guy I had been seeing here on and off. He was incredibly handsome and smart, but there was something about him that rubbed me the wrong way that I could not put my finger on. My parents and younger brothers had gone out of town for the weekend. I stayed behind because I had to work. This guy had asked me out for that Friday but did not show. My family got back on Sunday afternoon. This guy shows up at the door. At first I started to tell my mom to send him on his way because he had stood me up, but he begged and told me he was sorry right there in front of her, so I gave him a chance to redeem himself. My room was located in the basement of the house. In fact, the basement is really like a suite. My parents never allowed male company in my room area, but the living area outside of it was okay. The phone rang in my room and I left him on the couch to answer it. I was only on the call less than a minute. When I turned around he was in my room. I told him to get out and even though I was grown I still had to respect my parents house. He ignored me and threw me on the bed. He had me pinned, with not much effort, in such a way that I could not moved a muscle. I told him to stop several times and he laughed. I started getting loud. He tried to get me to quiet down but I wouldn’t so he got up. We went back in the other room and I was in total shock. I asked him why he did that and he said he was excited by the thought of us almost getting caught! I told him to get the h— out of my house! I never saw him again. He went to Morehouse where my brothers were going. They would see him on campus, but I told them please not to do anything that might get them put out of school. They followed my wishes but every time they would see him they would give him a look that would scare him s—-less! I told my mom about it later and she said it would not have been pretty if she and my very large father and 2 brothers would have had to come down there! But I never take for granted the physical strength that a man has. I was never a tease either, and that experience taught me to never even try teasing a dude. You could get yourself in a bad situation that you can’t get out of. Yes, Truth, no means no. Even if the other person is a tease, YOU be the BIGGER person!

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this

Blow with good taste comes a prior understanding. If a woman is truly fearful and letting a man know she does not want it, good taste has gone out the window.

My marido and I have codes, gestures and whatnot. It creates mutual understanding. Like I said get to know your partner before you delve into those areas. M knows when I don’t want to be intimate. He has the right to try to persuade me and maybe change my mind, but he does not have the right to force me. A no with a devilish grin from me or an eyebrow raise from him is our codes to move forward. It’s our thing. Outside of that understanding it’s a violation.

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this

most women making totally illogical decisions and then expecting logical conclusions

WoW! Do you really believe this statement truly in your heart?!?!? What’s illogical to you may be perfectly logical to me. There is a reason why women do what they do. Whether or not she lets you know why and what angle she is thinking from are completely different. KNOW THAT!!!!

Women think in detail. Men don’t. That’s why women are better cheaters because they think EVERYTHING through. How a woman comes to her outstanding….she needs to take you step by step so YOU will understand.

Women are detail thinkers….Period.

Don’t hold you head c** to the side as if you don’t understand. Trust me…she knows exactly what she is doing, and how she is doing it and why she is doing it.

By Kym

November 3, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

If we are going to talk about this we might as well talk it out from all sides. Yes No means no but I think the guys can testify to having known someone or maybe they have experienced having a woman say yes and then turn around and say that the guy forced himself on her. We seem to forget that there are some shady azz women out there who scheme up on a dude in hopes of hitting the mother load. Be it with a baby to trap said dude or a case to make said dude pay for his hit and quit ways( I personally know a woman who tried this).

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

Raqi Of course. I mean really seriously…no one wants to be truly raped and disrespected. And I hope they only mean in ROLE PLAYING…

Thats the basis I am making my statements on. Strictly ROLE PLAYING.

I think ppl are gettin their panties in a bunch on this one. lol!

Rape is too heavy of a discussion to make it into a light,fun and friendly.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

That’s why women are better cheaters can u plz cheat with me Blow,i jus wanna prove ur point,thats all!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

Gray Rape…

Soft rape…

Date rape…

All these are a males feelings of helplessness and lameness being thrust upon a woman that he considers to be weaker.

I’ve said (and will again) that no means no. If you “teasing” with a no, then you lose, I don’t play those head games.

As far as Ms. Blow’s comment about women cheating, BS.

I woman will cheat for emotional reasons, most often her man is not giving her attention. Which, in cheating, she is trying to gain his attention by “knowing something that he doesn’t know” <—-head games.

Not to excuse cheating, but with a man it’s simply the act, the woman is forgotten as soon as “relief” arrives.

As for rape…

Any man that would take what is not his, is a punk. Pure and simple.

If you wouldn’t hit a man in the street becuase he PO you, then what kinda guy would take something from a woman?

JMHO

By abc

November 3, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

I don’t buy the ‘detail thinker’ thing, that’s a bit ludicrous, but correlating a propensity for lying and keeping secrets with such a supposed ability is a telling statement.

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

Blow Me you can try to convince some other dude that you all know what you’re doing. I know for a fact you wing it trying to please whatever emotion happens to run strongest at the moment. Sell that ish at the flea market.

What are we talking about here anyway? I’m talking with a bunch of folks that think it really matters what president is elected tomorrow. LOL

By Chink

November 3, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this

Raqi

I mean it can be …are you ready? I need to get a condom? any kind of talking that says this is what is going down most guys do say that.

I would rather that than no talking …by the way just because I am hot and bothered doesnt mean I want to go through with it either. Yes sometimes I need to come back to reality is this what I truly want…

By Kym

November 3, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this

Truth Not me I know we are screwed either way. I wasn’t going to vote but I have some local elections I really wanted to voice my opinion on..(sheriff for one) so I went Friday and spent 7 hours and 15mins waiting to vote.

By M'Karyl

November 3, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

@WiseDiva

How dare you pick a topic that alienates me from todays’ blog discussion….WTF!!!!!!!…LMAO…peace sister girl.

No this is not one of my favs to discuss…so, I won’t…lol…everyone else have at it…imagine that.

OFF TOPIC

Please feel free to peruse my online shop at

www.mkaryl.etsy.com.

..granted, there are only a handful of pieces posted…but more will be posted within the next few days or so.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

by the way just because I am hot and bothered doesnt mean I want to go through with it GTFOH

By Shaking My Dayum Head...

November 3, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this

by the way just because I am hot and bothered doesnt mean I want to go through with it either. Yes sometimes I need to come back to reality is this what I truly want…, <———That is dayum tease if I ever heard one…I’m with Melo on this one, GTFOH…

And, I’m a female…

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this

Please! It’s funny how ONLY men so disagreed with that fact that women are serious detail thinkers.

Dan..You first. Women do cheat for emotional reasons of course. 70% of the time and the other is 30% sexual..yeah I am sure that was a blow to the Men’s ego. But it happens. Don’t think it’s all emotional because sometimes it’s not!

ABC Nice to read from you. Just for a second…think….Yes we are detail thinkers. You just proved it..I have been playing around with this theory for the last week…Men have a serious listening blocker. I say what…and you heard Where…smh. All of that and you only came back with..basically we are munipative and conniving. Completely missed the point I was trying to make. Whether you like it or not…We do. Lol! Women hang on to your every word because we are detail thinkers. We work off of consistency and details.

Truth Please….

know for a fact you wing it trying to please whatever emotion happens to run strongest at the moment. Sell that ish at the flea market

Its no need of battling with you…honestly. You seem to think women are emotional wrecks, weak minded, inferior to men and should be butt necked and bare footed waiting on men hand and foot saluting them as they continue to shovel $hit on them. IN your mind…women are toys and equivalent to dogs. They do as you say or else. There is no gray area…and we don’t’ have brains to think. Just a few moist holes ready for the taking…..smh!

By Chink

November 3, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

I could care less if you call me a tease ..its my body and I do what I want with it..PERIOD.

But of course since none of ya’ll have ever came close to or slept with me your opinion is baseless since I have never been called a tease with my partners or potential mates.

Shoot I can be hot and bothered reading a book on the train that doesnt mean I am going to fk the conductor…get real…or maybe you just sleep with anyone??

By Beautiful

November 3, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

i seen this last week. this will be the norm for her because she wants to fit in and have a trophy husband.

the look on her face was i want the hubby, house, kids, cars, fancy clubs, bougie friends and this is the only way i’m gonna get it.

i don’t feel sorry for her, because she could have took him hands down! her thick azz could have just sat on him.

her thinking that he will become her husband, so it should be ok.

when i first saw his face, i was like dang he’s handsome and it’s about time she got a man! but when that scene ended, he just look like all the other dogs in the street.

she will realize down the road the mistake she made. let’s be real, that’s the only way we learn a valuable lesson. if her girlfriends were to tell her what is stated on this blog, she would turn nose.

i wish her luck and i’ll be watchin’.

morning kids!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 11:51 AM | Link to this

@Blow

You can have that 30%. But it’s rarely ever that a man will leave his life/wife for the woman he cheated with….

however, women do it all the time. The grass is greener, but you don’t know til you get there that its becuase of the isht that on the ground!

By abc

November 3, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

People think in detail about that which interests them. You’re apparently more focused on your ability to hide and deceive. That’s an American female trait. The surprising part is that you don’t get it, even when you give voice to it.

But, women in general are in pretty ubiquitous denial about the subject. For them, it’s too easy to rationalize, thus becoming something other than lies and secrets. Nonetheless, correlating a supposed ability to think in greater detail to being able to get away with that which you’d lie and keep secrets about, due to your greater interest in so doing, simply illustrates the point.

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this

abc

I was waiting for you to jump on Blow’s statement because as written, it could be used as ammo for you women are deceptive argument. You never disappoint…lol

Kym

I am glad that you decided to vote. To know the heritage that you know and not vote is blasphemy. Two words: Selma, Alabama. People died for that right to vote. I’ve never missed a vote.

President is only one person. However, the prospect that the Dems may get such a majority in Congress is more dangerous. One side having so much power is more problematic (whether dem or repub). I actually voted for a few Libertarians when I voted on Thursday.

On Topic

Wallking the tightrope is what we have to do, unfortunately. Most people don’t say what mean and mean what they say.

I have a saying, “If you think long, you think wrong.” It shows that you are uncertain if you want things to go that far. To me, that is a no.

I refused to put myself in bad situations. Mike Tyson spent time in jail because he put himself in a bad situation. IMO Desiree’ Washington was the aggressor. I know people that attended that Miss Black America Pageant and there is uniformity that DW was the pursuer. Mike said that as well. Mike says that DW was upset that he didn’t walk her downstairs that morning after “relations” and that infuriated her. He was an easy person to get convicted. He was bigger, stronger, meaner, and his ex- wife, Robin Givens, accused him as being abusive.

It was a perfect storm against him.

By Beautiful

November 3, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

But it’s rarely ever that a man will leave his life/wife for the woman he cheated with

this was true in my case. he wanted to stay … i wanted out.

By abc

November 3, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

PG, hey man… it flies past looking, acting and sounding like a duck, I say “look at that duck!” Quack!

I’d venture to say that whether they talk about it or not, most men understand the phenomenon and just deal with it.

By Leggs

November 3, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

M’Karyl, thought I was the only one. Come sit in the corner w/me. I have candy corn, Fanta, now and laters and Smarties.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this

Chink so when u really want to get phucked,u say it explicitly and consistently?U never change ur mind tho? Good for u if u are always way upfront and ahead of the guy in communicating ur desires,but understand,there are other females who wont say the affirmative,even when they are craving for it real bad and locked up in a compromising position.They jus let it flow to its logical conclusion.The man is supposed to jus figure it from their moves.And smtimes,the men will figure it wrong…

By Shaking My Dayum Head...

November 3, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Chink, for the most part you pretty much read ok and not that you need any approval from anyone on this blog.

However, that statement you made, whether you like it or not (and these are only opinions…nothing worth getting your panties in a bunch over) reads “Tease” all day long. There’s no way that you should get to a point with a guy, all “Hot and Bothered” as you put it and then turn around say, “sigh…I don’t think so”…BS, thats the same controversial discussion that went down years ago with Mike Tyson. You as a grown as woman and even as young woman know BEFORE you get to that point whether you want to sleep with a guy or not. As it’s been stated on this blog previously “A woman knows IMMEDIATELY whether she’s going to sleep with a man within 3 minutes of meeting him”. So again, GTFOH with all that maybe I should sleep with the conductor…how silly!

Blow, woman you go!!! Holding it down as usual…and, of course you didn’t need any approval from the blog either. Do what you do woman…

By Bit-O-Hunny

November 3, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

This topic sucks!!

It’s election eve and I would like to dicuss better things like who’s hosting the best election night parties? Anybody taking off tomorrow or Wednesday? Happier days are ahead folks, why get so grim the day before….geesh..

By Beautiful

November 3, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this

something happened to me this weekend that might be similar to what happened to the chick in mad men.

RW broke two of my rules not really cause he didn’t know about my rules and i played it off. first, he shows up out of the blue, then he meets my boys.

i was stuck like chuck! he went trick or treating with us and we had a blast. i acted as if all night. i could have said something, but it would have ruined a fun night.

By Kym

November 3, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this

PoppaG Yeah I have not missed in 18 years ..I don’t care what the bond ref or issue. I am going to the polls. But this year all politicians p** me off. That I have thrown up the peace sign with the index down more times than I can count after listening to debates and speeches.

But, I kept hearing my high school poli sci teacher..you don’t vote you can’t complain. Besides I wanted to make sure I voted for judges for Fulton county as well. * You are right too much power one way can be a mess, I voted for a lib and a repub too.*

By Leggs

November 3, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

Dan, I don’t have any stats, but probably could find some for the BS you just posted…But it’s rarely ever that a man will leave his life/wife for the woman he cheated with….

By Leggs

November 3, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

And Dan, I said simply because you used the words “rarely ever!”

Blow, girl you need nobody’s help. You speaking the truth, especially to Truth!

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

ABC Hide and deceive? Huh where are you getting this from. This originally started when Truth called us illogical. My point to him was that women are detail thinkers. I am not saying we are the way you are perceiving us…And please explain the typical * American woman* trait. (Please don’t refer to us as females. I think we are all women here.) Also, you continuously tell us how we are…but never telling us how we can be better. The is a open forum to attack women on a daily I see. There is a serious breakdown in our community within our relationships. We need to fix this fast.

Smh @ female…That is a form of disrespect to me. That’s the last thing I am is a female!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

@Leggs

An informal survey then: how many men do you know of (or friends that may) that have actually performed this “amazing feat”

By Kym

November 3, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Dan I know two and they both married the women.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

Anybody taking off tomorrow or Wednesday? im planning on taking wednesday off.I might just not show up at wrk anyway if Obama makes it,just spend the whole day on my couch, listening to pundits,refilling my drink,munching nuts and chips and maybe sme sexx,if queen decides to do same.

By Leggs

November 3, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

An informal survey…I know of 5!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

@Blow

Your whole 12:17 post….is what’s wrong.

Very rarely, if ever are women out and out “attacked” on this forum. There are differences stated, suggestions made, and then becuase (partially) intent cannot be percieved in this format, offense taken.

When the topic becomes “Men ain’t..” you will see a number of guys get on here and condemn the very actions that are stated.

But when the topic becomes about women(or a woman in particular) you all seem to get real defensive, real quick and try to turn into a referendum on men.

But to your post. You are a woman, you are a female, you (may) one day be a mother, you (may) one day be a wife….And what makes a man love a woman, is her capacity to be all those things and still his friend.

You are none of these roles to the exclusion of any other, and once the embrace of that is made, your life (I suspect) will become much clearer.

BTW, men tend to learn this at an early age, that you have to be an all-around person or risk being a monolithic douche…

By Chink

November 3, 2008 12:28 PM | Link to this

Melo

I haven’t had a one night stand…I have had one timers and its well known whats going down before hand. Its about respect. I know all too well about being powerless when I was younger.

ANONYMOUS

Uh no honey. You call me a tease yeah I will get a little uptight because you dont know me…and its far from the truth. I am telling you and everyone else that I control my body if I get a bit wet doesnt mean it has to go down..some things your body does naturally without using your “brain”. By the way contrary to popular belief ..I dont think about fking him 3 minutes after I met him. Hoes do that.

By the way who are you? Don’t hide its all good.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

You as a grown as woman and even as young woman know BEFORE you get to that point whether you want to sleep with a guy or not.

SMDH I agree. And to lead the man on is a huge mistake. While a person may have the right to not go thru with it, why lead the other to think that you are. And folks can’t say that they can’t help what a person assumes is going to happen, (I have heard that statement before). When you are doing the things that lead to a certain act…

Do not put a person in that position.

By Leggs

November 3, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Ok, BAM, that’s 7 right there! Dan just messing w/you and that “rarely ever” statement.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this

Hey Shaking My Dayum Headthat statemnt ole girl made is reason why she dont have a reg boyfriend.No man will allow that streaptease coz thats a sure way to get tempted to to go prison.If u go to a dark corner with me,im p****** u,otherwise whats ur rational for cming with me there.Just so i can hold u close,i can do that in public view! If ole girl wants to stimulate herself whilst on marta and get wet there without being bothered by anyone,she got my support and i can even get the conductor to give her a lick if she wants.But i think she has teased for a lot of dudes now at her age,she got a big reputation in the hood.No wonder she still looking…good luck.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 3, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this

* I have been gray raped and let me say I hated him afterwards!!* I cn remember feeling so gross and dirty that I showered for minutes and I still felt like I could not get him off of me. I cried for the longest and vomited. I wash my sheets I just wanted to burn my bed! And afterwards I hated the very thought of him. He had the nerve to call me like nothing was wrong. He is a slefish b*stard who only thought of his own wants. Now this was only 2 weeks after I opened up and told him that I had been raped before…as a kid and once as an adult. He said he understood my feelings and he would be more sensitive! Well needless to say I have had nothing to do with his disgusting azz since then!

JCT You could see her going into a safe place in her head so that she could get through this indignity. OMG…you just read me! That is what happened. Its like oyu shut down and think it will be over soon. But mentally it will never be over. Anytime you smell that person cologne or hear someone thats ounds like them you will go back to that moment!

For some reason guys think if you are alone then that means you are ready for sex. Its so bad now that I would never go back to a guys place nor invite him to mine. Since the word No seems to fall on deaf ears and the little head dictates your senses…a woman has to be on guard!

Truth nobody likes to be helpless. That type of thinking has a lot of men in jail. No does mean no! I don’t care what teh situation is!

Raqi if you are with a woman and she has tears in her eyes and a look of terror on her face you would proceed to force yourself on her because there is a possibility she really wants it. That happened to me! I was in total shock!

Truth *It’s simple, you live under my roof and sometimes I need to get off. * You sicken me to vomiting!

By Chink

November 3, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Wait Hold Up

Who is leading who on? I dont even know myself if we kissing and you touching on my nickles…I am trying to make that decision before it gets too far..

But noone should expect me to sleep with them just because (anything)..it will always be my decision.

you know what forget it …I am done.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this

@Staceye

I’m sorry that that happened to you and for that matter anyone else.

But you cannot equate the actions of one man to an entire gender.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

melo I agree with you in a general type of way. If I am with my husband and we are kissing and touching each other to the point of readiness…unless the house catches fire or an emergency phones call comes, it is going down because that’s why we are even doing what we are doing and going as far as we are going. And even on that emergency call…the phone has been known to not get answered. I mean yeah, just a kiss or some light fondling does not consent to sex, but to go 99% of the way with no finish???? None. Period. LOL I don’t think so.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

Melo

Very funny….I know I am not on here everyday talking about how I need a man. But wow ya’ll a mess today…anyway nonetheless there is no shame in my game.

Go ahead and keep imagining what I do in my bedroom activities…too funny

By Beautiful

November 3, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

It’s simple, you live under my roof and sometimes I need to get off.

omg, truth said this! wow.

By Shaking My Dayum Head...

November 3, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

Chink…By the way contrary to popular belief ..I dont think about fking him 3 minutes after I met him. Hoes do that.…

See there you go…obviously speaking before you think or read, I never said that I or anyone else thinks about fking him 3 mins after you’ve met him….READ woman, READ…and try to comprehend what is being said. I said that most women and it’s been said here on this blog as well “know whether she wants to sleep with a man within 3 mins of meeting him” and I’m not speaking of meeting any man, i’m speaking of meeting someone of interest. And, I would’ve thought that you were smart enough to get that, but silly me. I don’t believe anyone is going out and simply meeting m/f’s and simply thinking about fk’ng them. And, your right only “HOES” would think that way! So what are YOU sayin’ about yourself????

And, I’m not your HONEY…that could be part of your problem right there!!!!

By Wise Diva

November 3, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

afternoon everyone, I’ve been reading along, and yes, this topic is a heavy one, but I think it’s worth exploring. A point I wanted to interject, is that I think it is important to teach the young men and women about making responsible choices, especially in this hooking up culture. If you really don’t know a person, you can’t say for sure how they would handle situations like this, everyone should know the risks that are involved with sending mixed messages, being unsure. If you are ever “unsure”, I think it’s best you don’t need to do anything at all.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

And another thing melo,

Heck I think it’s wrong to say no and then advertise it. Yeah I am at home, it’s my body and I have the right to wear or not wear what I want. But it’s not right IMO to say no and then go to bed with my T and A hanging all out, framed in satin and lace knowing that he already wants it. That would make me an evil calloused bytch.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this

Wow Staceye I am sorry to hear that. I hope you recovered from it.

By Shaking My Dayum Head...

November 3, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Raqi…Do not put a person in that position., precisely my point!!!! This is all I’m sayin’…

Thanks Raqi

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this

Kym

Believe me, I understand. The politicians ticked me off. Especially that senate race. As matter of fact, I wrote your name in that post….Senator Kym the Relationship Expert…lol . Actually Buckley got my vote…Neither Martin nor Chambliss earned my vote. Unfortunately, we will have a month of run-off ads ..thanks to me. I just wanted the election to keep on.

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Bit O Honey why are better days ahead? We are and have been headed down a path that doesn’t get better for awhile. Please take a moment and research who really makes policy in this country, and it’s not your elected official. And neither Obama or McCain is looking out for you anyway. I guess it seems better if the hangman is your own color. This election is just another of the great diversions that are hoisted on us to make us feel better while the real power brokers do as they please.

Dan All these are a males feelings of helplessness and lameness being thrust upon a woman that he considers to be weaker. Sometimes your posts tell just how little you know about women. Have you ever been married or how long of a relationship have you been in? Sounds like not long at all and if it was you were to busy sniffing her azz to learn any lessons.

You see this same woman that you want to “respect” and handle with baby gloves will maim you if given the chance. You must make her perform because she will do the same to you. And because she has such close and intimate info she knows just where to hurt you most. You want to be a puddy police and she’ll threaten to give it away. You love money, the first thing she’ll do is clean out your accounts, as my next door neighbor just learned. You must learn to get close to a woman while not exposing your real desires. Don’t worry, every past civilization did and women still do.

Test my theory by telling the next woman that says I love you that you don’t want kids or to get married. Her real intentions will be revealed and you’ll meet the real chick because she will have no incentive to go on with the hoax.

In conclusion stop trying to defend womens honor because they are only as honorable as you make them.

Blow so your claim is women are higher thinkers because they know how to cheat and spend alot of time doing so. Great claim. Women think giving away puddy hurts a guy, and it does if he didn’t understand thats what you do anyway. My thought is its yours anyway, I’m simply trying to negotiate favorable terms for my usage. If you at anytime go against the contract we’ve negotiated then you can give it to whomever you like, I’m not using it anymore. Peronally i’ve never owned a puddy and won’t lose much if you take yours away. There’s another right behind it.

By Foots

November 3, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Chink I understand where you are coming from. I have had plenty of clothed kiss/touch/bump and grind sessions that have not been consumated with actual intercourse, as a teenager, as a young adult, and as an adult. I have slept in the same bed with a man and I’m sure that both of us wanted things to go farther physically, our bodies were ready, but we abstained, even in my current relationship. Sometimes, that’s an end to itself, that closeness and anticipation of what may be to come.

It’s clear that for some, kissing and touching always leads to sex. For me, it’s not always so. With a new man that I sense is a little oversexed, I do tend to get that understanding up front, as in: You can stay overnight because I like having you here, but I’m not ready for the get down. If it gets a little hard for you (pun intended) to be in here with me, I have an extra room.

Even with that, I’ve had one or two aggressive dudes that decided to sneak me while I was asleep. And yes, they had to leave. It’s one thing if I’m instigating the contact by teasing, but a whole nother subject if the man just has no self-control.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

I think it’s best you don’t need to do anything at all. WiseDiva that is gospel right there.

I think I told you all before about the young man that my sister represented in a rape case. He was accused of raping his girlfriend because he know how to apply constraints. The girl was known for displaying extreme intimate affection in public and then only going so far in private on more than a few occasions. One day he just did it. I feel sorry for the young fellow because he was put in that position. He was only 16. A grown man should know when a woman is a tease and should walk away from that situation.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

Dayum

I wasnt implying anything about myself…..honey

Uh even if its someone I am interested in I AM NOT THINKING ABOUT SXING HIM..got it?

Sorry to disappoint you but no I am not interested in you.

So from now on do me a favor and direct your b.s. to someone else…

No matter the scenario if I feel like its not right - it aint going down …now marinate on that and move on.

By Wise Diva

November 3, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this

oh, when I was a guest on a blogradio show recently, this topic was discussed, and one of the stories that was shared really made me think. It was about a woman who was dating a guy, so they had been intimate before. One night he was pushing her to do a particular act that she was dead set against. He forced her to do it. After it was over, he acted as if nothing was wrong, making her think that maybe it wasn’t rape, after all. If you have to get coerced into something, whether physically or verbally, that is a problem. A rapist won’t consider your apprehension.

We also discussed how men don’t report rape because of the stigma/shame attached to it.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this

@Truth

My posts are those of a respectful man. And while we can disagree on methodology, let us state one thing for certain:

If you handled the men in your life the way you claim to handle the women, you’d be toothless and you know it.

Fact is, respect comes from within. I don’t have to like a man, love a woman for me to respect them. Fact is I respect that you feel that what you’re saying on the subject is the truth to you.

But, considering that you’ve probably never had to defend your “honor” or that of another human being in that fashion, then that shows how little you know about life, let alone women.

Now, you can live your life with the attitude that women are here to serve or can be trained like animals. Go for it.

But don’t think for a minute that that game would fly for any man you said that isht in public too.

And you know that for a fact.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

…kissing and touching always leads to sex…

No Foots it does not alway lead to sex, however the intensity of said acts leads the way. If you don’t plan to go there pull back before he is ready to mount you.

By Shaking My Dayum Head...

November 3, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this

Again, I’m not your honey…

And, again…I said most women, it doesn’t mean you. It’s obvious your a tease and fickled. And, girl (cause that’s how you come off) ain’t nobody interested in you, so get ovah’ yah’self…

If it was BS you wouldn’t be responding…nuff’ said!

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

Staceye You sicken me to vomiting! Vomitting is permitted.

What’s funny is every picture I’ve seen of you was some provocative come fugg me pose. Don’t bend over if you don’t want to get fugged.

Btw, thats why I’ve never asked a woman to help me with my mortgage or bills. You should know coming in this mfer that if anything goes it will be you. Let some other cat live his life on the rollercoaster that is your emotions.

Raqi she hasn’t.

By Foots

November 3, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this

Truth Test my theory by telling the next woman that says I love you that you don’t want kids or to get married. Her real intentions will be revealed and you’ll meet the real chick because she will have no incentive to go on with the hoax.

Do you believe that the women who said that they loved you, but left because you didn’t want marriage or children didn’t really love you? That’s interesting…

By MELO

November 3, 2008 1:23 PM | Link to this

If you are ever “unsure”, I think it’s best you don’t need to do anything at all u are addressing that to the females WD?? coz the guys are never unsure,either they wanna phuck or they dnt.And u dont have to be told,u will see it in their eyes,in hw they wrk their hands and the muffled messages cming outa their mouths.I guess as men,we were created differently. Now its u the females who seem to go round in sme sort of conundrum,u dnt weant it, i keep prrssing those t** and rubbinbg those thighs and kissing u and u conflicted.Best thing is to jus pull away when u feel u dnt wanna do anything more than this is leading.I understand a soft peck,kiss etc.But a prolonged smothering,followed by my hands wrking ur body up and dwn is a sure sign i wanna elevate this dis course to a whole new penetrating level!Stop me be4 i read more than u are prepared to handle!

By MELO

November 3, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

He forced her to do it this means what WD?? She waz threatened with violence,she cldnt extricate herself from that situation/room etc or what?If u dont extricate urself and yet u claim thats ur boyfriend/grlfriend,u doing him and u a disfavor.Extricate urself and let there be resistance that becomes confrontational if he insists and wont allow u to get outa the room.Then i will take that explanation.But if u say u dont and i cajole u and u relent,dnt flip on me thereafter.Thats a trap! No means No and stick to it no matter ehat i say…..

By Foots

November 3, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Raqi No Foots it does not alway lead to sex, however the intensity of said acts leads the way.

It really depends on who you are with. I’ve been with men who if you breathed in their direction, they acted like they were fresh out of solitary confinement. I’ve also dated men who seriously just wanted to taste it, and they could go to sleep afterwards, no problem. So it goes back to your basic statement of knowing who you have in your bed and having a clear understanding about what’s going down.

By SexyCool

November 3, 2008 1:29 PM | Link to this

Bill of Rights…

1)…i ain’t putting my mouth on any place on you that you ain’t putting yours on me…

2)…do not stick strange things in strange places without permission…

3)…my safe word is cotton candy…

4)…don’t start nothing you can’t finish…

5)…direct stimulation on a dry cl!t is not a turn on…

6)…my kneecaps do not belong up by my earlobes…

7)…no, i don’t want to do a threesome…

8)…no animals allowed…

9)…you must be tall enough and big enough to ride this ride…

10)…if you stand it up…i’ll knock it down…

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 1:37 PM | Link to this

Coerced – Now WiseDiva that’s where it gets tricky. I can allow or not allow myself to be persuaded. I like to use persuaded because persuasion as I see and know it to be can be a good thing. But coerced, force and intimidated is something different. When a person, man or woman, feel that they are being forced or intimated to do something that they don’t want, they should remove themselves from the situation. I know sometimes easier said than done, but highly possible.

Now some could say, soft kisses to the neck and soft words in the ear is a form of being coerced, but IMO that’s not same as being threatened or intimidated.

Know and respect your partner.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 1:41 PM | Link to this

Foots Yes. And that’s the trials and error of dating someone new. Getting to know that person. We all know of that guy who thinks because he buys you a drink you are obligated to give it up. But still like I said, when it comes to physical contact know your boundaries and don’t lead on.

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this

Dan I don’t “handle” men or women in any particular way. If a dude breaks he gets dealt with just like a woman. I just have never had intimate relations with men so in that circumstance I’ve never had to defend myself. Listen, you can be as respectful as you like but I bet the best azz wuppin you’ll ever get will be from a woman beating you over the head with the legal system. Like I said this ish ain’t pretty out here.

And Dan I ‘ve had the pleasure of working with dudes that society found uncontrollable and they didn’t wupp any azz either so joe blow isn’t that scary.

You need to get back into class because its obvious you’ve been reading too much Vogue.

Foots It’s not a matter of if she loves you or not but you’ve just revealed her real motives. A chick thinks a dude is foul because he wants azz when she’s just as foul for wanting a dude to finance her dreams.

By kimmie

November 3, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this

Dan - I really appreciate your 1:16. And I totally agree.

Really this whole topic is about respect, men & women, for each other.

Staceye I thought about you when I saw this topic. One of my best friends had a situation similiar to yours. She has a beautiful husband and baby now, but still goes to counseling. Violating anyone’s body, male or female, child or adult, is despicable and sometimes the scars heal but never completely go away. Whenever you voice your opinion on this blog about something, I totally get where you are coming from because I empathize with you and don’t judge. Though I don’t even know you, I wish you the absolute best and peace.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

what do they eat in Arizona? If Mccain wins,im fasting for 30 days.No okra,pumking leaves,no goat,blackeye,yams,no collards,no kale,no mustard greens. Just Arizona steak,rice,cauliflower and potatoes in honor of Mr Mccain.

By SexyCool

November 3, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

i guess my list didn’t really read like a bill of rights…more like…10 sexy, cool things you need to know in da bedroom…lol…

By Dan

November 3, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this

@Truth

And therein lies the crux of your argument.

For you a dude has to break, for a woman, you break her.

You can’t “break anyone”, but the theory that a woman is easier to “bend to your will” shows how weak you are. Becuase if you can’t do that to a man, why to do you think it’s easier for you to do it to a woman? No fighting, just asking.

As for the legal system, been in it as both a defendant and plantiff. And while my jurist prudence may not compete with a full time lawyer, believe that I know my way around the legal system. So should the time come that a woman(or man) for that matter tries me on that battlefield, the loss would have been sustained pre-motion filing.

Like I said, from stem to stern, man to woman, I play chess- not checkers.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this

And Foots I have had my getting to know you lessons. Before the nups, one weekend M and I was spending some time together, he wanted to have sex and I didn’t so he turned over and attempted to go to sleep. I had just gotten out of the shower and asked him if he would rub moisturizer on my back. He said NO. Me thinking he was upset because I wasn’t giving him sex I called him out on it. He said something to the tune of “why would you ask me to put my hands on you and you know I want sex and you don’t want give it to me.” I saw his point after that. I didn’t see it that way when I asked because I really didn’t give it that much thought, but he was right. Same as I mentioned earlier. Be fair.

By SexyCool

November 3, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

make ya next move ya best move…

sorry, couldn’t resist…

By For Real

November 3, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

What up blog fam!

The problem with rape in whatever term you may want to put it in, is that it’s left up to the woman to decide if she was or wasn’t raped and that decision will be based upon her emotions. Scary!!

Raqi I have said it before and i will say it again, you may be a little quirky but you know how to keep your man.

Blow 1 + 1 = 2. Just because you think in detail and come to a conclusion that 1 + 1 = 14 it’s still illogical. Just bc you believe something that doesn’t mean it’s true or logical.

Wise If you have to get coerced into something, whether physically or verbally, that is a problem. See that the problem right there. The Male/Female dynamic can’t exist without coercion from both parties.

By Leggs

November 3, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

… from stem to stern I say this often. I don’t hear many people saying this!

By For Real

November 3, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

I’ll Number 10 for $250 SexyCool!

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this

Dan that’s a stupid argument. I don’t live with dudes so they don’t have to do jack I say. If I did live with dudes they’d follow my rules too. If I moved in with a woman it’s her home so I’d follow her rules or leave. Same with a dude. And it’s not about breaking a chick. This is the program I have in place. If you don’t like it bounce. She can process that any way she likes but that is the end result. If I start fugging dudes the same will apply.

Thing is the same woman that you think wants to be your equal is going to discount you when she finds out you are. You don’t understand the way this thing is supposed to go.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

asked him if he would rub moisturizer on my back in my younger,hornier and less sexx experienced days,i wld have seen it the same way as M did.Nowadays,queen asks me to do same and i gladly do it whilst looking opposite direction towards Chris Mathews on Hardball. In my single days,that invite to rub wld be seen as a cme on and wld result in sme nicer.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 2:07 PM | Link to this

@Truth

I didn’t mean you as in you.

I meant a person with that mindstate.

By Blow Me

November 3, 2008 2:09 PM | Link to this

Truth I never said we are better thinkers. We are just detail thinkers. I was actually using cheating as an example…but as usual you took my post to the complete left.

Dan Wow..didn’t know you had it in you…but your 1:16pm post is on point. That was very manly….lol.

Truth Wow you are out of control. NO checks or boundaries. You don’t give a fugg what you say and who you say it to.

By For Real

November 3, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

Chink Richard Pryor use to say this: “I’m all for women being in control of their bodies but why does she have to wait until we butt nekked and my dyck is hard enough to cut diamonds before she says no?”

Foots I’ve also dated men who seriously just wanted to taste it, and they could go to sleep afterwards, no problem. Awwwwww hellz naw ole boy pulled a punk move trying to guilt you into giving him something. I hope you a gave him a lil poot to wash it back with.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this

@Truth

From “pushing my buttons”

To “discounting [me]”

I think we’re saying a version of the same thing, really. Anyone in my life that I give that kind of power to (essentially affect my state of being) is warranted in whatever action that they choose to take.

Trouble with your hypothesis (regarding me) is that I don’t let anyone have that power.

The same way that I can walk away from a screaming “ready to fight” guy, is the same way I’ll let a woman live with the illusion that she has some semblence of control over me.

Both can keep their fantasies as the reality of each situation is the same for me. “I respond in the manner I choose to, at the time I choose to, and you have to deal with it.”

See this “my world, my life, my emotions” theory extends outward to the degree that it includes everyone in my sphere of influence, whether chosen or not, man or woman.

The world reacts to me, inasmuch as I choose affect it, not the other way around.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

And let’s not forget the other side of the big picture…men don’t always feel up to having sex. Live with one long enough and you will find that out. So I know how to take no for and answer and I know how to try and persuade.

You know what’s funny after reading this topic, M did make a joke to my attorney b-i-l once about me raping him and him suing me…just to think he could have been serious and I got be in jail.

By YES WE CAN

November 3, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

OBAMA/BIDEN ‘08

By Chink

November 3, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this

For Real

Nobody is saying it has to go that far…but all in all I still have the choice to say no then also. I don’t particularly care about it being fair you’ll live.

By GAYMEN

November 3, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

If I start fugging dudes the same will apply

@ Truth….I am ready when you are. ha!! That sounds HOMO to me as well…so you are expecting to ram up a mans buttock……

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

November 3, 2008 2:27 PM | Link to this

Hmmm…been lurking for much of the day. However, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that there are some distinct differences between men, women and sexual intent. Why should one have to interpret what constitutes go, not now, stop, maybe, no (but I really want it), you can stimulate me orally (but I ain’t giving you the goodies), etc.?

If we stop putting ourselves in these positions with every Tom, Dyc&, Harry, Henrietta and Rochelle a doctoral sexual interpretation degree would not be required. Taking someone to the level of intimacy knowing that passion is involved is SELFISH. Maybe then we can better assess who deserves to be in our lives and who deserves the treasure of our bodies. Many of our bodily treasures (men and women) have decreased in value like Fidelity 401Ks because too many have let short-term investors make premature account withdrawals.

Most of today’s relationships fail because two individuals are too selfishly focused on their own needs and desires so I shouldn’t be surprised! The results are bad relationships, unintended children and court battles for alimony, child support and other material assets (shaking my head).

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

melo but I fully see his point as a then 30 something man. He asked for sex, he wanted sex. Why expose my naked body to him and ask him to touch after telling him no. Any other day, yeah he could and have done it for me and with no sexual intent. But on this particular day because he wanted it already, to have him touching me would be akin to those days when he does so as a form of arousal. Because he is looking for sex. The mind set makes the difference. Whether 20, 30 or 40.

By AmazonRed

November 3, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

Afternoon everyone. Taking a day off so I’m just saying hi.

There’s something about Halloween that gives single people carte blanche to release their inhibitions, if only for a few hours.

It sure does. I definitely channeled my inner sex pot on Halloween and took home the prize for “Sexiest Halloween Costume.” First time ever for me and butt cheeks were present! LOL

Ya’ll have a good day.

By For Real

November 3, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

I don’t particularly care about it being fair you’ll live.

That says it all for me but you may want to check the dude you are with bc you may not.

By ATL

November 3, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

OBAMACRAT!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

@KP

Being selfish is a biological imperative. If we were not selfish creatures, the human race would’ve died out ages ago.

As far as who one lets into bed, that’s a decision that person makes in due time and (hopefully) with due caution <—-this too being a biological imperative.

If the nature of your comment was that people are fuggin too much, I disagree.

The problem is (IMO) that people are fuggin the wrong people, for the wrong reasons, and then blaming the outcome on these decisions on every factor but themselves.

Accountability has been lost, preacher, and to an extent I blame it on the T.D. Jakes of the world that tell women and men that God has more to do in this life (with your life) than preparing you for the next.

That is: fugg who you want to and then be celibate and God will bring you someone that is for you. Nope, be selective in who you have sex with and responsible/ accountable for your actions here on Earth, be accountable to God when the time comes.

By Foots

November 3, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this

Truth A chick thinks a dude is foul because he wants azz when she’s just as foul for wanting a dude to finance her dreams.

For some men, having a wife and a family is something that they want. There is nothing foul about that just because it’s not what you want.

For Real No punk move. Some people know exactly what they want and can do with just that.

By ATL

November 3, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

OBAMACRAT!

By Chink

November 3, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

For Real

Funny you say that cause I haven’t had a problem in that aspect…men have always made sure it was what I wanted and most of the time they would stop to make sure it was ok…not to say I was never taken advantaged of yes I was as a teen.

But men usually treat me delicately when it comes to sx and thats the way I like it.

By Kym

November 3, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this

Okay I wake up from my nap(home with a sick youngin) and the gates are still open…Lets see what did I miss.

PoppaG I voted for SpongeBob. And bite your tongue at the idea of a run off..if I see one more political ad I am going to scream. It is bad enough McCain and Obama are going to be interviewed again on Monday Night Football of all places..somethings are sacred and with the Steelers playing!!!

I bounced around the post but I agree with the things are saying about teasing guys. Look, we can all sit here all day and play crazy if we want..but the fact is if you lie in bed with some dude with him loosening up your buttons and humming I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind, and you wait to zero hour to say No, wait what would Jesus do? You are a tease. Like someone said why even put yourself in that place to begin with? You know your own mind better than that man and you knew you were going to regret getting in that position so why go there?

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

November 3, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

Dan,

I somewhat agree with your point. However, at the POS (point of sex), the person always seems to be the right person based on a desire and a willing vessel to fulfill that need. After the number of wrong choices have been experienced and a level of heartache is continually experienced, one may want to consider leaving their drawls and panties on and work on Decision-Making 101. It’s one of the best decisions one can make and solves multiple problems at one time :). Otherwise, you can keep giving unauthorized access to your personal sex account and eventually the account will become overdrawn. Unfortunately, many of today’s people might as well stamp NSF on their sex organs.

Let me clarify my statement…I am speaking from experience and not ‘preaching’ at anyone before the bullets start firing from the MIA peanut gallery :)

By kimmie

November 3, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this

Kym and others Yeah, I don’t play the tease. I have a friend that did that before she got married and seemed proud of it. When I scoffed at her for doing it, she said she was just doing what came natural and it was hard for her after she would tell them to stop after they both got hot and bothered! She & her hubby first went all the way after dating 6 months and then she did not give it up again until a year later! I am still surprised he stuck around that long for the silly games!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

@KP

That is the unreasoned and untrained mind that will allow instinct to overrule common sense.

Is this person someone that I want to “share” myself with?

Is the feeling reciprocal?

Is there a chance that there is more to this than sex? Or not?

If these questions are not asked or answered by either or both parties, then they’re both fugging up.

The problem comes in when people don’t examine their lives and their partner history and view it through an objective prism.

Was what happened (breakup) my fault?

Was I not good/too good in bed?

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Gayfag I said IF. This blog is for breeders so go find your thrills at the airport restroom.

Dan here’s where your theory has major flaws. Every time you “walk away” you morph into something else and more importantly the problem hasn’t been fixed. I say stop right where you are and fix the problem. If its in the street its ok to walk away because you’ll never see that person again. At home its a whole different ballgame.

KP bank on one thing, people will be fugging til the last day the earth revolves. Sure it fuggs folks lives up but its bigger than you and your church. Human nature will be served. The best that can be hoped for is moderation, and in some cases you can cherish that thought. LOL

9)…you must be tall enough and big enough to ride this ride… The Truth is now setting up a booth to sell tickets on the ride. Sexy 60/40 split my way.

By A Regular in Costume

November 3, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Wise Diva I guess you and Blanca are doing a good job on this thing when the topics really get you to thinking. When you stand back a look at certain situations that are exciting you but is also part of a violate act in other instances. Seriously makes me think about the times I bought an inexpensive pack of cotton panties and snipped them on the sides so that they can be torn easily. I cringe at the thought of ever being raped and/or taken advantage of but I have that thing that I have done and would probably do again.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

KP

I so agree with you!!! I am currently on that path….and I think its a wise decision for me.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this

and then she did not give it up again until a year later!

smthing aint right in that story,but not to be sidetracked,we move on

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

November 3, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Truth…your statement is sad, but currently true. Experience is sometimes the best teacher and heartbreak will make someone re-evaluate their approach.

By Kym

November 3, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Look as gruff as Truth can be in his delivery he has a point..I said it before and I will say it again..not every woman is out there getting gray rape. Some women have a program..and if they think they can they will put the program in motion. My son is 12 and in the last two weeks has started asking me questions about what he is hearing other kids say on the bus or in the classroom. I give him the facts and when it comes to dealing with girls(especially the little fast tail heifers being raised nowadays)..oh I am going to tell him the real. Heck just like in the video links I posted I might have to equipment my son with consent forms before I send him off to college.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

@Truth

In my home, there is no contention.

By the time she moves in, she’s already apprised of how the operation works.

So, it’s her informed consent that she implicitly agreed to how I handle things.

That is not to say I don’t ask for input, I do, becuase I know that I don’t know everything. But just as the door opens, so shall it close when the responsibilty for happiness, safety and home rest on my shoulders.

I really do think we’re saying the same thing.

I would walk away, becuase there’s nothing to fix. When she calms down and thinks, she’ll understand that I walked away to not hear her talk. The point was proven and done then.

By For Real

November 3, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

KP/Dan It’s not the “act of sex” that is the cause of the problem. Sex is a natural thing that’s wired into all human beings. It’s what’s in between women’s ears that’s the root cause and the act of sex gets blamed. Stop looking at sex as if you are losing something.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

November 3, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this

Truth What’s funny is every picture I’ve seen of you was some provocative come fugg me pose. Now that is a lie!!!!! Even when I used to model I would not do those poses!

Btw, thats why I’ve never asked a woman to help me with my mortgage or bills. Sounds like an insecurity issue that you have to try to control someone to make yourself feel good and important! I guess you may find one of thos mindless spineless twits out there wiht NO self esteem to allow you to treat her that way. By the way she will be lazy and only allow that treatment so she does not have to to work. That or she plans on killing for the insurance money!

SexyCool I love that Bill of Rights! LOL

Thanks Kimmie Raqi and Dan! Its work in progress..though I am not sure how much I have made!

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this

@Kym

Those forms have been around for the last 5-10 years, in some version or another.

Most athletes have them signed (and notarized, Foots) prior to the girl entering the room.

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

I went home for lunch, and get a call from CNN as the do another poll. So, you all now know someone that is in one of those polls.

Kym

There will be a runoff on December 2 for those two. I don’t think that either will make 50%. Actually, I think that they should have to work harder. Neither really have said what they would do. They have just attacked each other. Starting with Martin and his Saxby economics themed campaigned.

I agree about MNF. They should leave football as a sanctuary.

Foots

She & her hubby first went all the way after dating 6 months and then she did not give it up again until a year later! I am still surprised he stuck around that long for the silly games!

It must have been lined with gold!

I’m really lucky. I’ve never had such issues with Mrs. PG.

By lurker

November 3, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this

For Real * It’s not the “act of sex” that is the cause of the problem. Sex is a natural thing that’s wired into all human beings. It’s what’s in between women’s ears that’s the root cause and the act of sex gets blamed. Stop looking at sex as if you are losing something.* and the things that feeds/fuels what’s inbetween the woman’s ears is what men manipulatively places there.

@ Truth a quote from ABC a few weeks back If a cat was raised right there’s a fine line between “getting it” and “taking it”. Walking that line is kinda hard from time to time. And I don’t mean violence, I’m talking “I could sell an Eskimo an ice cream sammich” kinda getting it. Breaking your word/code/sense of honor or self as a means to achieve an end.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

@For Real

Apparently this concept of a finite number of penetrations for purity’s sake has been floating around for years.

The thought is, the amount of men that a woman sleeps with is magnified to her husband as an unpure thing.

When the truth is, dude only knows what you tell him.

So, that’s a female misconception that I am eager to dispense with.

By kimmie

November 3, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

Melo You are right, something is not right in the story, especially since I’ve gotten to know she and her hubby, but she wears it like a badge of honor, like it was cute or something. We had to stop talking about it.

By Kym

November 3, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

Danfirst off it was a damn joke. Second we are about at that point where folks are going to keep them next to the bed along with condoms and lube. Along with video taped evidence of the act as proof they had consent.(that was my favorite part of the video)

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this

Lets look at ALL the cases in the media where some chick got p** and screamed rape. It’s the second easiest word to say after “Nugga”. We even had a chick with multiple semen samples in her underwear (Kobe)screaming rape. Come the fugg on. And that chick knew going to Mike’s room she was getting screwed. Hell I wouldn’t go to his room at that time.

Dan The point was proven and done then you really haven’t lived with a woman. LMAO

Kym all my educator friends say that the biggest problem is with the little girls. These chicks are off the chain. LOL

For Real The problem with rape in whatever term you may want to put it in, is that it’s left up to the woman to decide if she was or wasn’t raped and that decision will be based upon her emotions. And this sums up the whole problem.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 3:41 PM | Link to this

Dan

I agree with you in a way.

While my number isnt large I do want to keep it to a minimum. But the number is not the problem for me…its the type of men. Will I go as far to say they were all dogs ..No actually they were some good guys…we have a history…but I am trying to change my future and I can’t just say I want to change I have to implement a change…I started with sx…type of men…values….etc. So in order to change something about me I do have to change the things I do…unless I will be doomed to repeat…yes?

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

@Kym

You seems to be a might hostile towards me lately with the hostility and now cursing.

Whatever the situation is we can politely discuss it offline (danbynight@netzero.com) or you can simply stop responding to me and I to you.

The choice, as always, is yours.

By KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

November 3, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this

For Real, I agree with your statement. The ‘act’ isn’t the problem. However, many are engaging in the act without regard to the end result. Sex is good. Men and women having sex within marriage is good. Unfortunately in our society sex is creating a false sense of security for relationships, when in reality, it’s like trying to build a house on an unstable foundation. Sex is a relationship ‘enhancer’…not a relationship ‘builder.’

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

@Truth

I have. I’ve just learned to tune out the “Wooom,woom, woom” with a real blank stare.

That indicates that I’m done listening. She can talk all she likes….

By SexyCool

November 3, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

earlier jokes aside…my serious contribution to today’s discussion…

i have not ever been date/soft/grey raped…ever…

i have been seduced…i don’t even consider it being persuaded because to IMO, persuasion involves logic…seduction involves physical reaction and the emotion of the moment…

seduction is a beautiful thing…thinking that i am going to go home and seduce coach amongst the moving boxes…

however…i have not ever allowed myself to be seduced at times when i knew that there was no way in west hell that i was going to go through with it…because yes, even when faced with the strongest seduction it is still MY choice about whether i give in to the act…

By SexyCool

November 3, 2008 3:49 PM | Link to this

btw…that was not to say that those things do not happen…i was speaking strictly from my experience…

By Dan

November 3, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

@Chink

Nope.

Changing what you do is completely irrelevant. Changing how you process and think about what you do is the point.

Example: I slept with a version of the same woman for years (different women, same problems). It wasn’t until I stepped back and saw where my decision making and thought process contributed to the outcome of those relationships, that I began to change.

Not the sex (hey! we all have types) but my interaction with the women. No longer did I allow their craziness to intrude on my experience with them. Consequently, I had more fun and stayed out of foolishness.

So you don’t have change anything (anyone) you choose to do, just be more congnizant of your reason and responsibility when the choice is made.

By Blue_Kolla

November 3, 2008 3:51 PM | Link to this

Kym ..somethings are sacred and with the Steelers playing!!!

May I wish sincerely wish you a horrible game.

Fellas The gains don’t justify the risks. If a broad says, “No,” roll out! A piece of azz ain’t worth being Brian Nichol’s replacement down in D Block. Plus a stolen cat ain’t wet no way; who want’s to burn the sides of their dyck on a dry azz poosey?

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

Kym/Truth

I give him the facts and when it comes to dealing with girls(especially the little fast tail heifers being raised nowadays).

I’ve mentioned the young females before. My little brothers have actually complained about the girls being super aggressive.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

“seduced” That’s the word I’ve been looking for.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this

“seduced” That’s the word I’ve been looking for.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Sex is a relationship ‘enhancer’…not a relationship ‘builder

KP you are bringing it today!!!

By Foots

November 3, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this

Dan Apparently this concept of a finite number of penetrations for purity’s sake has been floating around for years. The thought is, the amount of men that a woman sleeps with is magnified to her husband as an unpure thing.

That’s a good point you made to For Real, which speaks to the double-standard for women put in place by men. Secularly speaking, as long as men ascribe to the double-standard that a woman who has had several partners is worth less than a woman who has had none, there remains the sense that a woman is “losing something”.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Blue_Kolla i think its okay to advise guys to take a no as a no.Its equally important to let them knw that a woman can say yes,but mean no and can decide to lay it against u.The law is still stacked against guys.Being out of prison for a guy dnt mean we smart,as far as this goes.We just lucky in that we rolled with girls who were broght up good.We cld have fallen on the way side had it been a diff chic or chics.There is no win win situation here for guys.Its the luck of the draw!!

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this

I was at lingerie party once and we were playing a game where we anonymously answered questions and put the answers in a bucket. Questions like have you ever done it in public and so on. One question was have you ever begged for it even if just playfully. The majority said yes. So much for an anonymous answers right there.

And the majority also stated that 100% of the partners have begged in some form or the other. If you ask most men they will say they never beg or say “please”. Ask the women that they have been with and find out the truth. LOL

What’s so bad about passionately asking for what you want? LOL

(abc don’t answer that. I already know what you will say.)

Just a Raqi Random.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Agree or disagree: as stated on this forum before, a man that asks his woman about “her number” is insecure;

Agree or disagree: such a man would in turn be embarrassed by his lack of experience or consider it a challange;

Agree or disagree: said man would further reveal his insecurities to the point that the woman would stop seeing him;

And, agree or disagree: said man would be a lame.

Agree or disagree: has any male on this board given you reason to think that any of the aforementioned statements would apply to us?

By Kym

November 3, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

PoppaG They are right..my son said the girls are the ones talking about oral sex on the bus, and having babies. I was at the nail salon and there was a little girl 8 maybe talking to another girl I will assume her sister or cousin about what a bulldagger was. She said its a chick that likes women..but then I turn around and see the woman they are with and her tail is on the phone chatting away about some dude coming to visit her and how her mom is asking him for cigarettes. Not paying attention to the girls or what they are saying.

Its all in what these kids see and hear around them..that is molding and shaping them.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this

Dan

While I see where you are coming from …but there is no way I can change my thought process without changing some physical things.

A drug addict can’t will himself out of drugs by being around drugs and mentally changing how he thinks..couldnt happen…most have to go to rehab….remove physically from said weakness. Most cut off friends and etc.

Yeah I can think until I fry my brain but if I do the same things my chance of change will be small.

I know I am not an addict but I do have a weakness to certain men.

By SexyCool

November 3, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this

raqi…i knew that’s what you were saying…

even the word seduction makes me tingle just a bit…lol…

By Dan

November 3, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this

@Chink

The process of withdrawal for an addict begins and ends in the mind.

I’m not asking anyone to simply “think”, but to change your perceptions about a given situation. Once you can view it objectively, the whole “who did what to whom” stops being a one way street.

And only when we can accept our faults can we begin to change them.

“We are the change that we’ve been looking for” — Barack Obama

By MELO

November 3, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this

While my number isnt large thats a subjective statement..

Men and women having sex within marriage is good sme say heaven is bliss.I cant speak to that but I have yet to experience a better tasting heaven than condom-less sexx!!

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 4:12 PM | Link to this

Dan/Foots

Apparently this concept of a finite number of penetrations for purity’s sake has been floating around for years.

Yes, that concept has been around for centuries. It goes back to the times of Aristotle. And some say this the concept goes back to Adam & Eve. Others say, that it relates to “aunt flo” and how it could interfere with religous laws to come pure and clean before presenting oneself to God. “Aunt Flo” may not visit virgins, yet. Thus she is consider still pure and clean.

It just boils down to being on of our quirks.

I’ve always had the hypothesis that many males want to be the females first partner. Meanwhile, many females want to be a male’s last partner. Just a hypothesis from my sexual psych days. No real way to test it though.

By Raqi

November 3, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this

sexycool I know. Just thinking about the word I can feel those bristly whiskers on my back. LOL

Let me stop and go home. No wait to the hospital.

You all have a good one.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

as stated on this forum before, a man that asks his woman about “her number” is insecure; that or he dont take the chic seriously but just messing to see if she is open to quick play……

By abc

November 3, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

That’s not a quote from me. Truth, maybe.

By MELO

November 3, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

What’s so bad about passionately asking for what you want? i have asked for it from most women i ever slept with.And i have seduced them too by just getting them to a level where they shut their mouth and they let their bodies control hw they responded to my moves.So i knw the trap that i cld have easily fallen into had it been sme other chic.

By Chink

November 3, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this

Dan

I am not looking to blame anyone…but I digress what KP said is another way to see it. I wholeheartedly take responsibility for my actions.

Melo

See melo I am so comfortable with me that obviously I dont need anyone to tell me if its low or high…I am cool with it. subject deez ;)

lol sorry Dan had to borrow your quote for a second.

By Demigod33

November 3, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

Men and women having sex within marriage is good sme say heaven is bliss.I cant speak to that but I have yet to experience a better tasting heaven than condom-less sexx!!

I am Demi of God and I approve of this message.

I know I am not an addict but I do have a weakness to certain men.

Chink, I promise to behave myself from now on…

Chink is now looking at Demi as if he is a piece of sexy chocolate.

Demi: (Said while doing the sex man dance) Girl you know you want this!!

By Foots

November 3, 2008 4:24 PM | Link to this

Dan I was agreeing with your point. I’m not following your “agree/disagree” post…

By Demigod33

November 3, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this

Plus a stolen cat ain’t wet no way; who want’s to burn the sides of their dyck on a dry azz poosey?

That’s why we have…“WET”

By MELO

November 3, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

need anyone to tell me if its low or high…I am cool with it i agree wit u but all im saying,ur number maybe low for ur next guy(thank god) and not low for sme other dude.U have to be comfortable and roll with the one giving u luv.His judgement is subjective,nothing about u personally.Mine is way obove 62,but im cool with it too!

By MELO

November 3, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

and i think its low Chink

By lurker

November 3, 2008 4:29 PM | Link to this

ABC umm, yeah it is. Too late in the day to go back and find which day you blogged. I did a copy and paste the same day as I found it be quite profound. I was having a similiar discussion with a friend. Talking off the top of your head I see

By Demi

November 3, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

as stated on this forum before, a man that asks his woman about “her number” is insecure

Naw, some folks just like honestly…For the record, Demi has been with two women his whole life…I am currently looking for #3

Ladies…please call me at 1800SEXDEMI

Wise D is now beating the ISH outta demi

By Cemeeli

November 3, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this

Right foot stomp, left foot stomp. You cha cha with your right, you cha cha with your left. You turn to the right, and move to the left. Back it up! … and jump!

Falcons did that thang yesturday!

Now hopefully we will get our “cha-cha slide” in a finer way tomorrow. My stomach has been doing summersaults all weekend with the hopeful anticipation of the new President!

Vote.

Hmmph, i missed the disscusion. :-/ O well…on with Life, Roger!

(said like Celie in The Color Purple) Taaaazzeeeee…Hey Lady!

~Peace

By Demi

November 3, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

who want’s to burn the sides of their dyck on a dry azz poosey?

Another thought, non-straight dude maybe…Shyt, I just threw up in my mouth.

By Demi

November 3, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli I have the next 3 days off…If John wins, I call for a, “Slap a Repub day”.

By For Real

November 3, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

lurker and the things that feeds/fuels what’s inbetween the woman’s ears is what men manipulatively places there. You can’t have it both ways. One minute women are equal to men and the next moment men are smarter thus able to manipulate a woman at him whim. WHICH IS IT? NEVERMIND I KNOW!

Foots No double standard applies. You get to chose how many miles you want a wang just like I get to chose how many miles i want on the puddy. Now the million dollar question is “Is there a magic number?” I say no! If you 5,000 miles make you happy then so be it.

KP We agree that’s why I said the problem is in-between the woman’ ears and not her legs. They are the ones using it as a measuring stick.

By Cemeeli

November 3, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this

Demi what’s dat? Meet me at the spot! You know if Pain makes it…call 1-800-BEATDEM.

By Blue_Kolla

November 3, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this

Melo Being out of prison for a guy dnt mean we smart,as far as this goes.We just lucky in that we rolled with girls who were broght up good.We cld have fallen on the way side had it been a diff chic or chics.There is no win win situation here for guys.Its the luck of the draw!!

Gotta agree with you there ^^^ champ.

By Foots

November 3, 2008 4:43 PM | Link to this

For Real Are you saying that there is no double-standard?? LOL!!! You live on Earth?

By Chink

November 3, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Demi…hmmm wink ;)slapping my own hand, don’t touch him!

Melo I sometimes wonder how that guy slept with 1000 women (basketball player - I forgot his name)

By Dan

November 3, 2008 4:45 PM | Link to this

@PG

For men and women, the partner status is based on competition.

No man wants to be anything less than the best, and conceptually the number runs up the odds that he may not be.

No woman wants competition for what is hers. She does not want her efforts (in “saving” this man) to be enjoyed by any other woman.

By Foots

November 3, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

For Real Also, you didn’t seem to address the way that Dan answered your question with: Apparently this concept of a finite number of penetrations for purity’s sake has been floating around for years. You don’t agree that this is the case, do you, since you don’t believe in double standards?

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Cee

*Right foot stomp, left foot stomp. You cha cha with your right, you cha cha with your left. You turn to the right, and move to the left. Back it up! … and jump!

Falcons did that thang yesturday!*

You better thank Al Davis and the Raiders managment for taking D-Hall off of the Falcons’ hands. He was classless against his old team at halftime and then dipped out before the press got there after the game.

He got burnt by a rookie QB and Mike Jenkins (Not Randy Moss, or Marvin Harrison), Mike Jenkins.

I like the Raiders myself, but the Cryptkeeper has no plan. Just win, baby, needs a plan to make it happen.

The Oakland paper is talking about the Raiders interest in Mike Vick when he gets out. Raiders don’t seem to have a plan.

The Cryptkeeper (Al Davis) needs to let it be. Yesterday, reminded me that before there was Jerry Jones, there was Al Davis. Owner with his hands in the cookie jar a bit too much.

By Dan

November 3, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

@Foots

Follow it as an if/then operation for a computer code.

Agree or disagree, then next…

By Cemeeli

November 3, 2008 4:49 PM | Link to this

Demi I got the lamenation ready for that!

By Demi

November 3, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Staceye I mean to tell me dude is still alive?…Shhhiiiid!!!

By MELO

November 3, 2008 4:50 PM | Link to this

Chink,how that guy slept with 1000 women thats easy for truckers and pple with money who on the road all the time,like these ball players.They do child/women spacing..women in every city all over the states.

By mytwocents

November 3, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

For Real Are you here on a day when heck must’ve frozen over? Cuz I reject the gray. Today ;-)

Truth Maybe referencingya first post today… but just cuz one is able and empowered (physically or mentally) to do something does not give em carte blanche to do it. Good, bad or ugly, taking ownership of ones actions and words is one of the most honorable things any of us can do. One person’s failure to do so does not exonerate the next woman or man from doing the same.

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

Unfortunately,

Obama’s grandma died before election day. He visited her last week before her birthday. So, he did get to see her recently.

By Demi

November 3, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Demi what’s dat? Meet me at the spot! You know if Pain makes it…call 1-800-BEATDEM.

LOL…Cee I hope is doesn’t even come to that, it would be a sad day on earth.

Chink a 1000 women is a very low number for ballers…very low.

By Foots

November 3, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Poppa I’ve always had the hypothesis that many males want to be the females first partner. Meanwhile, many females want to be a male’s last partner.

Sure, like Dan said, a low number for a woman gives the man a bit more security and in his mind, gives her less to compare his performance and size too. Plus there are still cultures in this world where non-virgins are not desirable mates (I think melo covered that one day).

And yes, as long as I’m in a relationship that is supposed to be monogamous, I should be the last person a man sleeps with. When we are no longer together, I could care less. And even if I did care, I couldn’t control it anyway.

Now what’s interesting is how some men won’t accept that he’s not the last person that his woman will ever sleep with. Those are the dudes that kill the woman if she leaves him, so no one else can have her. Frightening.

By Wise Diva

November 3, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Quite an interesting discussion, have to admit, I wasn’t sure which way it would go, but I am pleased with the points that were raised today.

Everyone, if you have not voted already, please make it happen TOMORROW!

By Cemeeli

November 3, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

You better thank Al Davis and the Raiders managment for taking D-Hall off of the Falcons’ hands. He was classless against his old team at halftime and then dipped out before the press got there after the game.

PoppaG Thinking DeAngelo Hall was very ashamed, but like you said, classless still the same.

didn’t know u liked the Raiders…

By Demi

November 3, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Cee regardless I just hope for the best.

Truth Hell is wrong with you team dude?

Black and Gray are fading away

By Foots

November 3, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this

Dan I don’t know any of the guys on the blog personally, so I can’t speak to your lameness or lack of lameness.

But yes, in general, I think that a man who asks about his woman’s “number” is insecure. No, I don’t think that he would consider it a challenge, I think his insecurities about how many men his girl could be thinking about would render him incapable of continuing in the relationship. So yes, she’d eventually get tired of the questions and leave or he would decide she was “ruined” in his eyes and leave her.

By Cemeeli

November 3, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this

PoppaG when they finished and left ‘em with zilch, nada, nuphin’..I told my roaddawg - ain’t nothin’ we can do know but VOTE on Tuesday and get Obama in there!

We making sure there is a bif bang Party tomorrow with my friends (yea i have to work).

By For Real

November 3, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

Foots I believe in and do what is right for me. Someone else’s opinon is only relative if I choose it to be. If that chick with 5,000 miles on her makes me happy then that’s what it will be. So no there is no double standard bc it is your choice. No I agree with Dan that woman and man have their magic number. Whether that number equates to purity well that’s in the eye of the beholder. Again, we get to choose.

By Cemeeli

November 3, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this

Go FALCONS.

By Poppa Grande

November 3, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this

Cee

didn’t know u liked the Raiders…

Yeah, the first football game that I remember watching was a Superbowl (I think 1980) with Raiders against Philly. I couldn’t cheer for Philly.

Plus, I actually have a jersey autographed by Marcus Allen. When I get to my Corner office as an attorney it will go in there.

As far as favorite players, Mean Joe Greene (even though he is a Steeler) is my favorite.

By The Truth

November 3, 2008 5:10 PM | Link to this

Tatas we really shouldn’t use the word honorable much. We’re honarable until we have a decent reason not to be, then all hell breaks loose. We live in a dishonorable world and we helped make it so. The only question is who gets the bottom of the totem pole. I’m only as honorable as my options.

Demi the Raiders are fugged up. Looks like another #1 pick for us. LOL