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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > September > 29 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USA lover’s hidden life
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
About four years ago, I spent a summer seeing an incredibly talented musician who played in the local symphony. “Marco” was different from other guys I had dated; first of all, he was 15 years my senior, had spent years around the world because of his work and practiced yoga when he wasn’t rehearsing.
We saw each other nearly every day and being around him always felt peaceful. Yet, he once informed me I was “getting involved with a weird person” and that he’d explain it in time. In retrospect, this is when I should’ve run.
Before the time came for him to clue me in about his past, our relationship ended with an anonymous phone call to my mother. Yes, my dear, sweet mother, (a Sunday school teacher at that), was dialed up by a woman who refused to identify herself.
Keep in mind a couple things — I lived several hours away from my parents at the time, Marco hadn’t even met them, and the woman making the call to my mother must have engaged in some serious sleuthing to track down my folks.
The cliffnotes? She told my mother to get her daughter away from Marco. No, he wasn’t married, but according to the stranger-caller, he was a womanizer, destroying women’s hearts and their marriages in his path. Oh, and quite possibly a swinger, too.
Turns out, upon confronting Marco, it was all true. He maintained a long-distance relationship with a woman planning to leave her husband and three children for him. (She didn’t know about me, of course.) He admitted having a profile on adult “casual encounter” websites. He acknowledged seeing multiple women at once, even though the women thought they were in monogamous relationships.
He tried to tell me that had all changed when he met me, but I didn’t believe him. I was naive, but thankfully not that stupid.
Needless to say, I took my young self and fled as fast as I could. This wasn’t the Marco I thought I knew. This Marco seemed a shell of a person, a damaged, twisted man unlike the fellow I had spent nearly every evening with that summer.
The good news? At least I found out fairly early on what a psycho he was, had no health repercussions (though the emotional ones were worse), and have a pretty good story to share. But it was a tough lesson and has made it at times difficult for me to take people at face value. (Though to be fair, he gave me a disclaimer. I simply had no idea how serious he was.)
Have you ever encountered someone and later found out they weren’t at all who you thought you knew? What did you learn from that experience, and did it make you wiser or just bitter? And how long do you think it takes to really get to know the “real” person, or do you still take people at face value?
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By Raqi
September 29, 2008 8:29 AM | Link to this
Yeah been there done that.
After ending one relationship I was bitter but then wiser. I learned to pay attention to certain things and take the obvious signs and look a little deeper.
You truly never really know a person until you live with them. Mix and mingle with their family and friends. View them in different situations. We have that “me” that very few get to see in action.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this
B he was a freak! a man with no limits esp when it comes to the bedroom….Good thing you picked up a flight….As for me and a lovers hidden life - you never get to konw a person you do however learn their habits. If a person shows you who they are believe them….
Good morning, hope everyone had a great dispite the gas shortage…
By **Good Girl Gone Bad**
September 29, 2008 8:43 AM | Link to this
Wow! when I read your story it felt so simular to what I’ve just gone through!! I regret to say that I am no longer as open or trusting. This person has a very public persona and frankly needs to be called out! But because of the good girl that still resides in me, I won’t. Women and Men just beware!! Folks are not being honest about who they are and if you see your girlfriend, brother or sister with someone that you suspect of some shady a* behavior, let him or her know…..and people for goodness sake, listen.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 8:44 AM | Link to this
Sorry, that was hope everyone had a great weekend dispite the gas shortage….still recovering myself from the weekend…
By IslandGirl
September 29, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this
Good Morning,
Have you ever encountered someone and later found out they weren’t at all who you thought you knew? Yes
What did you learn from that experience?
I learned you can no longer take people at face value anymore. If you wear your heart on your sleeves someone will take advantage of you. If you hide your heart behind a brick wall, you are considered cold. So you have to find a place for you to love yourself. Having values and understanding your self-worth will help you stay clear of users and abusers.
Did it make you wiser or just bitter?
It definitely made me wiser. I will admit to still making some bad judgments now and then…usually because I am over critical. I’m not so trusting of people.
Hope everyone has a productive Monday.
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 9:15 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone. I dated a man who I learned later on was a professioal con artist. My gut told me things weren’t right, and while I watched him more and more I realized this was not a relationship I needed or wanted to be in.
By SUZY
September 29, 2008 9:17 AM | Link to this
I knew a young architect for eleven years and had to cancel our wedding eleven days before our wedding date when I found that he had more than 1600 pictures and videos of barely post-pubescent girls stored on my computer. Perverts and creeps are good at hiding their behavior. It’s part of being able to maintain that behavior. I don’t know that you can EVER really know another person.
By Sam
September 29, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this
I’ve learned that I love blueberries on my oatmeal after my morning run.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 9:26 AM | Link to this
Good morning everyone. MLL, my weekend was good. Gas was not an issue. One of the benefits of living, playing and dating in-town!
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
Blanca, you have good dating stories.
Some sage advice you learn in dating “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.” You were young and I think we all learn that lesson in our youth.
I have dated someone who wasn’t who I thought I was. That is one of the perils for dating because you are bored. It was long distance, he said a lot of nice things, but ultimately it was covering up a whole lot of lies and womenizing. I realized this after only a few months, but the lies lasted a bit longer.
That was just further affirmation that I needed to get out of New England and into a better social setting with more pickins! LOL
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
Good Morning.
One of the benefits of living, playing and dating in-town!
Ditto.
Getting gas was no issue for me and the wife. We got up yesterday and went of Costco which had plenty of gas and was very organized with lines and such. It took us a total of 5 minutes to get through that line and get gas yesterday morning at 10 AM. (We only fill up once every two weeks anyway.)
On Topic I guess that this will be a topic where females experience more of this than males. We all date the representatives in the beginning. However, I’ve never had anything other than the “normal” female craziness.
By Blanca
September 29, 2008 9:38 AM | Link to this
SUZY My goodness - I’m so sorry! How did you go about healing from that experience?
By MLL
September 29, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
I read ya Ared nothing like intown living.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 9:43 AM | Link to this
“Normal” female craziness LOL do tell PG what could that be!?!
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
do tell PG what could that be!?!
Gossip, cattiness, and maybe a boiled bunny or two. j/k.
The only people that I’ve dated in my life that had hidden lives were strippers. But they tread water trying to find out whether people that date them are just perverts (or just people judging them for the job) or really genuine.
Otherwise, I did have one stalker chick, but I just acted crazier than she was and she left me alone.
By China Doll
September 29, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this
Morning All
I’ve ran across a few “crazys” b4 but usually can pick up on it rather quickly…it’s just that feeling that, something is just not quite right. Once I detect that…I’m out.
By Chell
September 29, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this
Morning
By SlimDiva
September 29, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Yep…I’ve been there! Dude lied and said that he was from another country and moved to the U.S. during his childhood. He fooled everyone who he came in contact with.
I began to get a little curious and did some investigating. He was born and raised in the U.S. I found his birth certificate, SS card, school transcripts, etc. I discovered that he was a PROFESSIONAL con artist. When I confronted him he didn’t think it was a big deal. Nevertheless, I ended the relationship immediately.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Dey done et my previous post…who can I call…I am gonna sue…lol
By SlimDiva
September 29, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
Yep…I’ve been there! Dude lied and said that he was from another country and moved to the U.S. during his childhood. He fooled everyone who he came in contact with.
I began to get a little curious and did some investigating. He was born and raised in the U.S. I found his birth certificate, SS card, school transcripts, etc. I discovered that he was a PROFESSIONAL con artist. When I confronted him he didn’t think it was a big deal. Nevertheless, I ended the relationship immediately. If you lie about that you would lie about anything.
By Angie
September 29, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
blanca you got mail!
By kimmie
September 29, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this
Good Mornting Blog Fam!
Gas - I am very impatient about waiting in a line for anything, so I knew I was not getting in any lines for gas. I can’t ride around on a quarter tank because I live in SWATs but work in Alpharetta. I got up at 5 this morning determined to get gas. Rolled up on the Race Track at the next exit from home just as the gas tanker was pulling off. No line at all!!
On Topic - I’ve met a few crazies, but I have always been very suspicious, even in my younger days. I can smell a rat a mile away. Mind you, I’ve been strung along by commitment-phobes & those that just didn’t think I was the one. But crazies have not had a chance to get too far with me. I know how to EASE AWAY real cool-like, even play a little crazy myself, so dude won’t snap. This topic is really nothing funny - when you do discover a person is unstable, you have to be careful & watch your back.
By Silly Wabbit
September 29, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
I learned you can no longer take people at face value anymore. If you wear your heart on your sleeves someone will take advantage of you. If you hide your heart behind a brick wall, you are considered cold. So you have to find a place for you to love yourself. Having values and understanding your self-worth will help you stay clear of users and abusers.
Can I get an amen?!
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 10:43 AM | Link to this
Slow day today.
kimmie, I didn’t know you lived down my way. Alpharetta? Bless you girl. I’ve read that cars have taken to following gas trucks!
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 10:44 AM | Link to this
I have found that a lot of women don’t necessarily “lie” but some of them conveniently omit details which would cause concern to most guys. And unless you have some reason to ask specifically about what was omitted you won’t get the whole story. I have female friends (who I have never dated nor slept with) but unless I ask them regularly, I would never know they are in a relationship. I have met women who will be out fishing for a new man, while they still have the old one on the hook, and they never tell the new dude that they ended their last relationship after meeting the new dude. I could go on…
By Cinderella
September 29, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this
I think this is mostly true for women. Some men are good at being what you want - initially. However, the signs are always there if you pay attention. Some of us see them, but justify them. I was married to a man for 10 months who I came to not know. The signs were there and then the lies started to unravel one behind the other. Ladies be careful. The law does not always help us when we want to get rid of him, esp. if you’re married.
But you put on quite a show You really had me going But now it’s time to go Curtain’s finally closing That was quite a show Very entertaining But it’s over now (But it’s over now) Go on and take a bow
By Chevron
September 29, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this
Please just date me for what I offer. Grab my hose, stick it in, fill-up and then pull off. They leave you empty and then get mad. I just don’t understand you folks at all.
By Chink
September 29, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
Morning
Having values and understanding your self-worth will help you stay clear of users and abusers.
Aint that the truth!
I did have to wake up early on Saturday to get gas..and I basically stayed on my part of town. But it felt good to relax so I didnt mind. I watched Chris Rock kill the messenger.it was pretty good…I thought he said something so true …He said the more a woman hates a dude the smaller his ding a ling becomes I kind of agree with that.
Would never want to live intown…born and raised in the city (NY) and its not my cup of tea. I would rather drive.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 10:50 AM | Link to this
PG flipping the strip always works for me..LOL
It’s funny most of the men I’ve dated always said their last gf or wife was crazy….I dated one crazy guy it was always something either he thought someone was following him or tapping his phone line…dude was physco to the 5th power.
By Angie
September 29, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
After ending one relationship I was bitter but then wiser me too.
to be honest, i miss the old naive me. not having to worry or think about if he’s being truthful, etc. being able to trust them and believe their every word. feeling good and being confident about our relationship. i had more important things on my mind: career, family, house, finances. now i’m bogged down with looking at him and wondering when the REAL RW will appear. how unfair is that to me and him?
leggs how was dugan’s? if i make it out there next year to vacation, drinks are on me! k.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Leon men do it too.
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this
I have a full tank. Needed about about 1/2 Sunday morning. Was in line 15 mins. Not bad at all. This dude cut the line and pulled into a pump saying he was going in the store for cigs. He came out about to pump gas when some man reported him and QT reps made him move (although he already paid)…yay!
In any event, nice weekend conserving gas.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this
*Cinderella * I met a chick onoce who I felt was “being what I wanted” Literally everything I said I liked in our conversations she said she liked and I mean absolutely everything… I could have said I liked frozen chitterling popsicles dipped in caramel sauce and she would have agreed with that.
And along those lines I met one chick who always, and I mean always had to have a better story than me about everything. If I said I spent 2 hours cutting the grass, she cut twices as much in half the time the day before… it was absolute craziness.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
MLL THere is nothing exclusive to either sex other than the ability to bear children and produce semem… aside from those 2 things we all pretty much do the same isht… so I speak only from my perspective as a guy who only dates women… when I am on here complaining about how men act on dates.. you know something went terribly wrong in my life… Leon loves da ladies…only
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
Uh…do we have any Wachovia shareholders on this blog…Citigroup pick them up for some true jump change…$1/share?????…WTF…ouch!!!…Now the big 3 are Bank of America, JP Morgan and Citigroup…ok…what next…China calling in our debt????.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 11:06 AM | Link to this
frozen chitterling popsicles dipped in caramel sauce too early for some mess like that LOL
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this
Didn’t make it Angie!
By Atl Lady
September 29, 2008 11:18 AM | Link to this
M’Karyl Wachovia stocks aren’t being traded today at all because of the announcement. So whatever you had Friday is still the same price until further notice.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
PG flipping the strip always works for me..LOL
Yeah, being the crazy one for a change was fun. LOL
By THE MELO
September 29, 2008 11:23 AM | Link to this
Men and wmen do the same type shyyt,wmen just happen to wail louder,when they are the victims than men and men just brag about it more when they are the victors than wmen do.Women are no more victims than men,they are proly more victors coz there are more of them out there than men doind same crazzyshyyt..they are silent assasins,they dont brag!!
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
@ATL Lady UH…I am not talking about trading…Citigroup just bought Wachovia for $1 per share…$1…so, unless I am mistaken then the shareholders just got screwed…and according to some ppls that have Wachovia shares…they just lost some $$$$ behind this acquisition
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/business/30bank.html?hp
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
MK
While I do notice the price in Wachovia stack, I really feel bad for Charlotte, NC. That is the home of Wachovia. Citicorp has a home and officers.
They won’t need two of everything. There will be some increased job losses as a result. These will be people in managment positions who thought that they were doing well.
Add the same for some employers of Washington Mutual soon to be JP Morgan Chase.
Customer based positions such as people at the branches probably won’t be affected as much.
I guess you have to sacrifice some jobs for survival.
By Atl Lady
September 29, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
M’Karyl I know, but they only bought Wachovia BANK. Not all of Wachovia, the securities portions, Legacy AG Edwards and Evergreen are not involved. They made the annoucement, but not every single detail has been worked out. The FDIC is taking up some of the slack on the losses. So the shareholders might not lose as much as they are currently estimatiing.
By Binford2K8
September 29, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this
I got nothing but this: HOW BOUT THEM DOGS!
Why, when they have an open shot to be #1, do they fold so bad?
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this
Citigroup just bought Wachovia for $1 per share…$1…so, unless I am mistaken then the shareholders just got screwed
Yeah, of course, they got screwed. However, Wachovia was not in a position to bargain. I’m sure that it was a adhesion contract (aka “take it or leave it” contract). I’m sure that the government “strongly urged” that Wachovia take the deal.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
Bin
*I got nothing but this: HOW BOUT THEM DOGS!
Why, when they have an open shot to be #1, do they fold so bad?*
I was at the game. It was incredible!! I am not a fan of either. I actually was a South Carolina player. So, actually, UGA’s loss helps my former team more than Alabama’s win does.
SEC has two divisions and UGA and Alabama are in two different divisions.
I do think that it was wierd seeing Tennessee, Florida, and UGA all getting beat on the same day to SEC west teams.
As for the game Saturday, the difference was simple. The big ulgies for Alabama were bigger (Cody was huge at 365 lbs in college!! That is Grady Jackson size!!) and uglier than UGA’s big uglies.
UGA still managed to get 30 points on Alabama. UGA will be ok. Now, Tennessee has major problems.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
ATL
Not all of Wachovia, the securities portions, Legacy AG Edwards and Evergreen are not involved.
If those entities are based on the markets, they aren’t doing well. Last I looked, NYSE, was down 300 points this morning alone. I guess that the Bank was the profitable part of Wachovia (or there wouldn’t be interest in it).
By Angie
September 29, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
melo don’t ever again talk bout my grammar on this piece! you hear me? >:-/
anyhoo … we holler more cause we lose more. security is more important to a female.
By jazzyone
September 29, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
LOL China called in our debt when they started accepting payment for the debt they bought for key point position on the boards of our Corporate fortune 500 companies. They are always ahead of the curve….
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
It was a great weekend for me, college FB wise. The teams I loved won, and many of the ranked SEC teams fell.
I was riding that high until the Raiders blew it on Sunday. College FB is so much better. LOL
By kimmie
September 29, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
Amred - Yeah, I’m really on the edge of College Park, but grew up in SWATS & still have family there. I did not want to work so far as Alpharetta, but I have the best job & boss in the world, so I gladly make the sacrifice. Plus, every job I’ve worked on has changed locations and I would not be surprised if this one did not - my boss said it’s changed 2 times & he’s only been here 8 years. It’s a major corp. so I can’t get too comfortable at any location. I love my house & neighborhood, so I’m staying put. The house I have would probably be about 50K more if it was sitting in Alpharetta.
I actually ran out of gas 2 exits from work last week, but one of my coworkers had a gas jug in his truck and came & rescued me. He stopped & got gas on the way to fill up the jug. If that happened today, I would not be so lucky. I just completely forgot to get gas that morning before work as I planned, got almost to work and the car acted like it was going to cut off. Looked down and realized I forgot to get gas. Can’t let that happen again!
By Angie
September 29, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
i almost had to hire an interpreter to read your post!
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
@ATL Lady
I got that…but there is so much more that has not hit the fan as of yet…to be in a position where the price of purchase was so low indicates how deeply Wachovia is in terms of fiscal distress…and like Poppa stated there will be a reduction in redundant workforce positions…and no they did not have any bargaining power(ummm)…and also, it now consolidates the banking industry into about 3 major players at the table…Wachovia should have tanked about 4 years ago…and the mainly stayed afloat by strong arming ppl who were reclassified as high-risk loans…several ppl have lost businesses, etc…so, I am just looking at one more issue that is beginning to surface…and everything has not floated to the top yet( and we know what floats)…it still is not good overall…for more ppl than may realize it.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this
anyhoo … we holler more cause we lose more. security is more important to a female.
I disagree. You can make yourself believe that but its not necesarily true.
I think both sides worry about security, but we define security differently.
You ladies read on here regularly. A common theme is that men don’t want to be second fiddle. That is a form of security. Security that he is a just as much as a priority to you and you want to be to him. If that is missing that is when men start looking for options. Usually the “other” woman is giving him that priority.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 12:12 PM | Link to this
LOL China called in our debt when they started accepting payment for the debt they bought for key point position on the boards of our Corporate fortune 500 companies. They are always ahead of the curve….
Uh-huh…and something in the back of my mind is waiting for them to straight up call it all in…and not too long from now…headlines indicating conflicts with stationed armed forces…no one feels threatened nor protected by US forces…I know Gil Scott did a song about this situation…way back when, but I do not think it was “It Ain’t Nothing But A ‘B’ Movie”…and like the Doobie Brothers…I wonder when the ppl are going to start “Takin’ It To The Streets”…and suddenly, my last 8 years of rhetoric about a swiss chees economy is starting to sound like a hauntinly familiar echo.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
LOL China called in our debt when they started accepting payment for the debt they bought for key point position on the boards of our Corporate fortune 500 companies. They are always ahead of the curve….
Uh-huh…and something in the back of my mind is waiting for them to straight up call it all in…and not too long from now…headlines indicating conflicts with stationed armed forces…no one feels threatened nor protected by US forces…I know Gil Scott did a song about this situation…way back when, but I do not think it was “It Ain’t Nothing But A ‘B’ Movie”…and like the Doobie Brothers…I wonder when the ppl are going to start “Takin’ It To The Streets”…and suddenly, my last 8 years of rhetoric about a swiss e economy is starting to sound like a hauntinly familiar echo.
By Angie
September 29, 2008 12:24 PM | Link to this
poppa if i were to guess at what a guy’s reply would be to my post, yours was it! lol.
so let me make sure i understand. are you saying that if the puddy is secure, you’re secure?
cause i was talkin’ about foundation.
By Angie
September 29, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
men MUST understand a nurturers job. especially if we work a full-time job like y’all do. i know you know how demanding kids are. so why you gonna make us feel guilty about not putting you guys first?
that’s not fair!
By MLL
September 29, 2008 1:01 PM | Link to this
Angie if a guy expects you to put him before your kids clearly he is NOT the man for you or your kids. I think PG was talking about making him feel needed and such not persa putting him first infront of everything/body.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this
@Poppa
There is much truth to what you say…I have met plenty of men who justify looking for outside attention because they do not feel needed, a priority, etc. to their SO…I always ask married men why they look for outside activities…and this has been quite a common response…not really valid…but common…one dude told me that once his SO completed her degree and got involved with her career and she could be more financially independent that he seemed irrelevant to her needs any more as a mate…she could do more for herself without him…yes, it is a security issue…so many motivations for so many behaviors tangled with the matters of the heart.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
if a guy expects you to put him before your kids clearly he is NOT the man for you or your kids
Doesn’t the Bible state that the spouse come before the kids?
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 1:20 PM | Link to this
Watch out Truth is coming on! We had this very conversation a few months back ARed.
By The Blogger formerly known as Kym
September 29, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this
Good Afternoon All,
m’karyl
Who do you think we are going to borrow the 700 billion from? We are already using China’s credit card might as well ask them to up the limit a bit. (I hate the idea of this bailout I mean hate it.) I swear I feel like we are heading toward living the life described in “Brave New World” “Everyone belongs to everyone else” bunch of bs.
AmazonRed
Spouse yes..dude you just keeping company with uhhh no.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
AmazonRed Well here we go with human Logic versus everything that is natural in the world… In the great animal kingdom the Parents come before the kids for the simple fact that parents can make more offspring, while there is no gurantee that the kids will live long enough to reproduce… just look at Animal planet… who eats first??? The male Lion, then the flock of Lionesses, then the oldest kids to the youngest cubs… I ain’t saying what’s right… I’m just sayin…
But I must admit that I have never really thought about this issue aside from the fact that I have found it to be a turn off when I have dated a woman who spends more of her free time with me than with her kid(s). I think that in a situation where its a married couple then yes the parents should invest a significant amount of time with each other, because if their link weakens the entire family will fall apart, but as far as single parents I can’t say that while dating the parent should put the potential mate before the kids… but if the single parent gets married is when it gets tricky.
By Blanca
September 29, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this
My mother once told me she stands behind her husband first, and then her children. Luckily, my siblings and I never lacked for love and attention, and my father never demanded time away from or above us. It was never an issue, though I wonder how that changes when step-parents become involved. Haven’t had that experience.
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this
The Blogger formerly known as Kym and this is where the problem lies. A lot of dumba$$ women put their man before their children, even to the point of getting rid of their children for the sake of their man. What a crock of BS is that!! Some women mistake “man/dude/guy” living at home with her and her children as her “spouse”. Just shameful!
By MLL
September 29, 2008 1:44 PM | Link to this
Ared I was referring to the nonspousal man. I should have been more specific when I said man but I did say dude though….Husbands ALWAYS come first….some single mothers have a tendency to put the man infront of their kids needs.
B I was raised in a two parent house also, what you’re saying is not new to me.
Biblically it’s God first then man, Wife and kids….
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 1:49 PM | Link to this
@The Blogger formerly known as Kym
Ummm…the whole thing is crazy…it has been very interesting listening to the opinions and views of so many ppl on this ish…there is an undercurrent of doubt and fear for many ppl…a lot of uncertainty…that’s for sure.
Man before the child…never has made sense to me, especially when he is NOT THE FATHER…I have seen too many cases where the women displace the welfare and well-being of the child for the man…this is not a healthy, balanced relationship…and evenin a family relationship, the welfare of the children should always be first and foremost in both parents intentions…now, there are cases where I have seen the wife use the children as a diversion from the spouse to the point of it being neurotic and unhealthy…and that is not good either…never should the welfare of the children be manipulated, negated nor subjugated for any adult other in the relationship.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
Leggs I won’t go far as to call the women who do that dumb…some just don’t know any better maybe…society has made it acceptable to play house. You see it all the time. Some ppl even say they have a valid point to live together before they get married to see if they are compatible as they don’t want to divorce.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this
Of course, random company would not come before your kids. Duh. But there comes a point where the person is no longer random and moving towards serious. I’d hope the plan would start to kick in before the actual “I do.” LOL
Blanca, I believe your mother had it right.
My parents clearly put us first and when we left and didn’t need them anymore, they wondered where all the years went and who they were married to. Fortunatley, they weathered that storm.
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 2:08 PM | Link to this
SlimDiva I found his birth certificate, SS card, school transcripts, etc.
Just curious - how’d you happen to come across these things?
Leon I have found that a lot of women don’t necessarily “lie” but some of them conveniently omit details which would cause concern to most guys.
I prefer chicks that come out and tell me all of the BS from the giddyup, versus the chick with the stellar resume.
Blanca My mother once told me she stands behind her husband first, and then her children.
That’s how it should be, and that doesn’t change with step-children.
Leggs/Mak Ohhh no you don’t. See above. ^^^
By The Blogger formerly known as Kym
September 29, 2008 2:24 PM | Link to this
THEY DIDNT VOTE FOR IT!!!YES!!!! IN THE WORDS OF UNCLE RUCKUS..”PRAISE WHITE JESUS!!!
By The Truth
September 29, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this
Oh shyt, the family ran by a child is one that won’t last. Leggs isn’t it enough that the kids run most families now and we see how it’s turning out. Also, any man that gets in line behind a child is a friggin fool. That child then tells the wife when to cook, when not to have sex, what to buy, and when it’s ok to have company. Wait a minute, that’s the current american family. Nevermind.
Ok, how are these huge companies that appeared to be strong on friday go dam near insolvent and sold before monday? And for pennies. Has anyone heard any rumors of america losing the “world currency” status? When that happens we’re screwed.
On topic: People can only bamboozle you if you lift them above what they truly are, human beings. Who is worse, the deceiver or the deceived? Slow your jets, accept people for what they are and you’ll never be hoodwinked.
Ared I was riding that high until the Raiders blew it on Sunday. You too? I wasted some good coke and crown on that game. I’ll tell you something though, they’re young and are going to get better, unlike the yardbirds. LOL Big things are coming.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this
I don’t think anybody here is promoting that women should neglect or but their children’s well being at risk, but rather it comes down to attention and time. If a man (be it husband, father, or boyfriend) is requiring that a woman do things that will not be in the best interest of the kids’ development then that dude should be out of the equation period.
But in a relationship where we are not talking about neglecting the kids I do think that parents should focus a bit more time and energy on remaining a happily married couple. I have seen families torn apart because the wife puts the kids far ahead of the husband.
I call it the “my kids” syndrome… I know married couples where the wife talks to her husband about “my kids” instead of “our kids” or “the kids”. Personally I think this is a sign of disaster, when one parent feels they are more qualified to make decisions about the kids than the other.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 2:30 PM | Link to this
One instance that comes to mind for me was from an article I read in the Ladie’s Home Journal in **”Can This Marriage Be Saved”…the husband’s complaint was that his wife had become emotionally and physically distant since the birth of their first child…first the infant slept in the same room with the parents and she was always up and tending to the slightest movement, etc…then the infant was put in his own room…and the mother slept in there…no longer with her husband…soon everything revolved around the baby like the mother was tethered to him…she totally neglected her husband…meals, laundry, attention…no outings because did not want to leave the child with sitters…not even the grandparents…eventually, the husband had no place in the family relationship…even he was not allowed to handle the child…she totally put the child before the husband…now that is not healthy for the parents or the child…she was became neurotic with overzealous attention…this is not how it should be either.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this
Truth, I was done after that 76-yard field goal attempt. Pitiful.
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 2:34 PM | Link to this
Truth Oh shyt, the family ran by a child is one that won’t last. Leggs isn’t it enough that the kids run most families now and we see how it’s turning out. Also, any man that gets in line behind a child is a friggin fool.
Mayne you betta tell’em again.
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this
No, no, I don’t mean dumb in not know any better in living w/a man. I mean dumba$$es in putting the boyfriend before their children or finding a way to do away with the children to make the boyfriend happy.
Truth, no child should run the home. I can’t see that happening on “my watch” and for those homes that do, the mama and the papa are weak individuals. And if it’s a woman raising the child, then she relinquished respect of the child when s/he first saw she was afraid of her own child.
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this
And since I can’t stand a flippant sass-mouth kid, I won’t deal with a chick that doesn’t believe in bustin’ azz. My shorty is happy, independent, well-mannered, and respectful; and he didn’t get that way because I refused to put some sport on that buttock.
By db
September 29, 2008 2:41 PM | Link to this
@the truth: check out this movie… www.zeitgeistmovie.com
You can view it online as well. In the movie it discusses the whole ‘world currency’ topic. I haven’t watched it all yet, but I’ll probably knock it out this weekend.
ON TOPIC (sorta): I don’t understand why cats lie so much in the beginning and show their true colors over time. Who are they kidding? I’m up front from day one. If she is uncomfortable with my hedonistic ways, then I’m not the right person for her. Simple as that… Why lie? There is someone for everyone.
By kimmie
September 29, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
mkaryl - One of my good friends is like that about her child. Basically, like Truth put it, the kid is running the household. I can see with my own eyes the husband feels neglected. Even down to the food they eat - everything has to be organic & vegetarian. You should have seen that man when we went out to this soul food restaraunt and he got a big old plate of fried chicken & mac&cheese! That man was HUNGRY!! She just sort of turned her nose up, but I don’t think she wanted to SCOLD him in front of me so she let it pass. I’m surprised she does not analyse the air that kid breathes! The child is a complete brat now too. But of course, since I don’t have any kids of my own my opinion has no credibility when I tell people about it. My aunt who has 5 kids saw my friend in action with the husband & kids - and came to the same conclusion I did - the husband is feeling neglected, they are not raising the kid and the kid is a brat!
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this
One of my good friends is like that about her child - the kid is running the household
kimmie, I wonder why women like that even bother to get married? They end up divorce and think it will be fine without the husband around until they realize that that paycheck and a little companionship WAS better than single parenthood and searching for a new man.
When people ask me if I want kids I tell em “not more than I want a husband.” LOL.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this
@Kimmie
In cases such as this the well-being of the child is not in question…and yes, these type of behaviors produce unruly, self-absorbed children…also not acceptable…there are rational boundaries in the context of all relationship…hierarchal and lateral…this is inherent in the parent/child relationship…or it should be…deference of the mate in relationship to the child is not acceptable…where is the parental authority and respect to come from if this is undermined????.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this
no outings because did not want to leave the child with sitters…not even the grandparents…eventually, the husband had no place in the family relationship <—- This was my son’s mother we were together when our son was born, when we started out I had to teach her how to change a diaper and do the basic things a baby needs, she started out afraid to touch our son at all, I mean she was afraid to hold him because she thought she would drop him… fast forward 6 months and now nobody knows anything about babies but her. I mean she would not even let her parents or my parents keep our son for a weekend because she didn’t think they knew how to handle children.. LoL The first time she did leave our son with my parents she made an instruction manual with everything fro how to prepare formula to how to apply diaper rash cream…( and just for background info my parents raised me and my sister, and my mom is the oldest of 8 kids and my dad is the oldest of 11 kids).. My ex- thought she was the only person in the world who knew anything about raising kids, and every bit of advice from everyone including me, was wrong… Luckily I think I was able to counter act her insanity for the first few years of life so he seems to be coming along pretty normally now… LoL
By The Truth
September 29, 2008 3:03 PM | Link to this
M’karyl every mans worst nightmare. They need to create a new category of divorces created by kids. This is just more dysfuncional mumbo jumbo that has permeated our ranks (AA). Like we’ve said before, everything that comes down the pike hits us and sticks like poop on paper. It’s a shame how these things happen.
Even my sister is guilty and her daughter is 28 and still runs her life. Sis says my mom kicked us out of the house and she’d never do that to her child. My mom told us that when you ceased being a kid you had to vacate the premises. I always thought that’s how it was supposed to be. In the mean time her daughter, my niece, is the biggest piece of crap I’ve seen, and i’ve seen alot. I told her sorry azz we’re no longer family. I almost took a charge a month ago dealing with that mess. I don’t even go over there when sis calls needing help anymore.
Ared Confession: I cry in the dark. I don’t know how many more losing seasons I can take. I’ve been talking with some New england fans on the lolo. I’m considering defecting if things don’t change soon.
The dow is down 500 and the house rejects the bailout package. Don’t get this twisted, there aren’t many options out there beyond this package.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this
My mom told us that when you ceased being a kid you had to vacate the premises enough said…I second that…
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 3:10 PM | Link to this
@LP
That is something like the neurotic behaviors I am talking about…her fears and insecurities motivated her to act in an overzealous manner…can we say NOT HEALTHY…a very significant part of being able to have mature and healthy family relationships is learning how to balance the whole…spouse and children, each according to the role designated in the relationship.
By jazzyone
September 29, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this
BLOG MEN When you are ready to live with your woman..what does that really mean to you all?
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
Angie
so let me make sure i understand. are you saying that if the puddy is secure, you’re secure?
No. If there is one thing that has been constant on this blog is that we like to know that we like to be a priority to you all as well.
Go back a read some of Truth’s posts. They talk about not wanting to be second to anyone in regards to his woman.
ABC has posts on here about his ex-wife being a teacher and how her job put him second in priority.
Heck, I have even said it. My wife has been good about letting it known that I’m a priority in her life.
Shoot, Raqi’s husband expresses it when he yells as a “Deal or No Deal” contestant when he/she doesn’t take the advice of the spouse that is directly affected.
It shows up on this blog by most men on it.
It isn’t always about puddy. When a man cheats, it is very rarely just about puddy. The female involved usually has given some type of priority to dude that he isn’t getting from his ol’ lady.
By Roll Tide
September 29, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
The arguement is clear. Women who put men ahead of their own bloodline “prematurely” are fools. Point.Blank.Period.
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
Ared They end up divorce and think it will be fine without the husband around until they realize that that paycheck and a little companionship WAS better than single parenthood and searching for a new man.
They also see it when the kid hits around 13 and is then out of control and flirting with the juvenile justice system. Then here comes a call in to Daddio.
When people ask me if I want kids I tell em “not more than I want a husband.” LOL.
Now that’s a helluva response. I likes that.
Leon … fast forward 6 months and now nobody knows anything about babies but her.
I was nowhere near as bad but this reminds me of myself. Shorty’s grandma put cereal in his milk before he was 6 months and I made a big deal about it. She snapped back about how she had raised 5 kids, had grandchildren, and had been at that way longer than me. I was a little salty, but I had to concede, shut up, and have a seat on the couch. LOL
By The Truth
September 29, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this
Jazzy that usually means a man has accepted a woman into his life and heart. A man can be with a woman a long time and never really accept her. He’ll interact with her but emotionally she’s an outsider.
Either that or you have fire booty and he wants to lay on it everynight. LOL
Ared When people ask me if I want kids I tell em “not more than I want a husband.” LOL. I think you really have this figured out. I applaud you.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this
MLL
Angie got it right. I was talking about everything.
There is an order to things. It is even laid out in Bible.
God-Man-Woman-Family (from left to right)
Children should be raised by both. If he is the right man, he will work WITH YOU.
Yet, he isn’t supposed to be after the kid. If he is the leader that he is supposed to be, he will make decision in that are in the best interest for ALL involved.
That is why communication is key. It will lead to resentment.
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 3:23 PM | Link to this
Pop It isn’t always about puddy. When a man cheats, it is very rarely just about puddy. The female involved usually has given some type of priority to dude that he isn’t getting from his ol’ lady.
Jewel ^^^
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 3:32 PM | Link to this
jazzyone When a man wants to live with his woman its usually 1 or 2 reasons : 1. He is just trying to get a cheap/free ride since her place is better than his 2. He is making the next step towards marriage… most dudes I know are not trying to marry someone they have not lived with for a while first… NOt sayig its the right thing to do, but I don’t see marrying someone I have not lived with either. AS it was said earlier you never really know someone until you live with them.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 3:33 PM | Link to this
Jazzyone I know you directed your question to the blog men but do you mean live with as in shack up? I dare a man ask me to live with him without us being married. It’s just not happening, no matter how much he’s accepted me into his heart/life. He’s taking the easy way out without any accountability. He can dip or kick my butt out when things don’t go his way and I won’t have any rights either..no way.
By The Truth
September 29, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this
DB I don’t know who you are but thanks for that link. I absolutely love this kind of stuff. Unfortunately now I have to spend hours researching the information. LOL
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this
Unfortunately now I have to spend hours researching the information. LOL
Well, now ain’t that The Truth…lol
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 3:39 PM | Link to this
I’ve been talking with some New england fans on the lolo. I’m considering defecting if things don’t change soon.
Truth, I lived in New England for 3 years. They are my adopted team. I’m sorry, I couldn’t take not having anything to celebrate at the sports bars.
I started paying more attention to the Raiders again after Brady went down for the Pats. It’s like the Raiders are trying to spite me tho. I finally got to see the Raiders play on tv and kept thinking “what a bunch of misfits” (team and fans). LOL
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this
My main reasoning behind the man being in front of the child is simple.
Kids will pit the parents against each other at some point. They will play the parents to get what THEY want.
I did it and my parents have been married my whole life. The worst whuppin’ that I ever got. I asked one parent for something that I knew the other would deny. Even the Cosby Show has an episode showing this happening. Kids can manipulate just as much as adult or stangers.
Man being before child allows for a “United Front”, as Bernie Mac put it.
Of course, I am not saying just any man. Husband should come first. Period. Point. Blank.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 3:42 PM | Link to this
PG when a man cheats it’s not always about the puddy but the puddy is always involved when he cheats. You can’t have it both ways either you’re cheating or you’re not. Tell me one man who has cheated and puddy wasn’t involved?
By Angie
September 29, 2008 3:46 PM | Link to this
just a quick comment, then i gotta run!
poppa to make it clear, my MAN will always comes first. but there will be times that he won’t. if he loves me, i hope he will understand how important it is to be patient while i take care of the house, kids, etc. since my boys are older now, there shouldn’t be any big problems.
thanks for your reply.
By Sidelines
September 29, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this
Afternoon Bloggers…
He can dip or kick my butt out when things don’t go his way and I won’t have any rights either..no way., he can actually do that even if your married!!! You haven’t even gotten down the aisle and your trying to figure out what you can get out of the marriage if it ends???? I’m not saying that thats where your head is at, but it’s as if your actually thinking/planning the divorce before you even get married.
I’m not saying that you should go into a marriage with your “eyes wide shut” or that no one should be accountable for their own actions, be it man or woman in a relationship…but, this is a prime example of when it appears as though people are looking to see what you can get out of the marriage, that ‘me, me, me’ mentality. Which is why it will fail for sure. Just my .02
I’m out people, you all have a good evening…
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this
Jimmy Carter feels he cheated (lusting) and no puddy was involved. Sorry, I know you’re being serious!
By Chink
September 29, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this
Looks to me like single parents are getting a bad rap on here or is it me???
I have seen plenty of marriages where the wife claims they still a single parent because they do everything!
Please with all that mess if the father aint there that don’t mean the world stops….by the way what about the responsible fathers who should be there for their children…the one left with the child is usually the Mother.
Nothing is 100% guaranteed
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this
Blogger known as Kym
THEY DIDNT VOTE FOR IT!!!YES!!!! IN THE WORDS OF UNCLE RUCKUS..”PRAISE WHITE JESUS!!!
Something still needs to be done.
Your paralegal training will be for nothing if there are no clients that need legal help.
I know of some personal injury attorneys that will have to either shut down or cut personnel because their clients can’t pay their bills.
Some of the biggies have made massive cuts this year. Sutherland Asbil did. Powell Goldstein did. Smaller firms like Dennis Corry got rid of partners.
If this keeps up, the legal industry will follow the banking industry and have to consolidate.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this
Leggs intangible puddy…hmmm
Chink single parents ALWAYS gets a bad rap….
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 3:57 PM | Link to this
I need a good Halloween costume. Something sexy.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 4:00 PM | Link to this
MLL
*Tell me one man who has cheated and puddy wasn’t involved? *
I know plenty.
It happens more than you all realize. When a man will tell another woman things that he won’t tell his own wife.
How would you feel if some other women knew intimate details of YOUR man’s feeling that you didn’t know. at that point, he has given her his heart.
It usually happens before the puddy is even involved. In those cases, puddy is just seals the deal.
So yes, It happens. Sometimes right under your nose.
If the two of you took vows to be devoted to each other, no other women should know more about your husband than you do. (Unless she is a therapist.)
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 4:01 PM | Link to this
Jazzy When you are ready to live with your woman..what does that really mean to you all?
If I’m about to live with a chick then (1)I’m about to marry her or (2)we’ve been together for a while, have discussed marriage, and a Katrina-type situation develops - either way, I’ve decided that she’s wifey material.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this
single parents ALWAYS gets a bad rap….
MLL, Michael Phelps mama seems to be doing okay. LOL
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this
MLL single parents ALWAYS gets a bad rap….
No we don’t.
By The Blogger formerly known as Kym
September 29, 2008 4:06 PM | Link to this
PoppaG I am all for something being done..but I am not for rushing in without having weighed every option. This is Plan A. okay Plan A bites. Now what is plan B? There are economist all over the world who are trained for this have these jacklegs asked them? Nope they are sitting up there playing the game of its not my fault its your fault and playing he said she said games. Sorry but as a taxpayer I am not to quick to become the proud owner of a bunch of bad mortgages-when I am saving now and working to buy my own home-bump that..they need to go back and come with something better and preferable something that does not involve a 700billion dollar blank check.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 4:09 PM | Link to this
Ironic…a co-worker of mine just came in and told me that I needed to watch that zeitgeistmovie…and I said someone just posted it on the blog…ummm…guess I know what I will be doing tonite.
@Ared
I have been on this belly dancer kick for a minute…something like Eartha Kitt meets Morocco…lol
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 4:10 PM | Link to this
Ared I need a good Halloween costume. Something sexy.
Put on that form-fitting dress, slick leather boots, nice smile, and do that hair up real nice-like and you can go as Blue’s Girl. ;)
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this
AR I need a good Halloween costume. Something sexy.
Well since you are tall, why not be tyra or one of the vickie secret models with wings.
You might not have enough forehead t be Tyra.
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this
House Rejects Bailout Package, 228-205; Stocks Plunge
By Dan
September 29, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this
@Jazzy
Moving in for me, personally, is a test run for marriage.
Not that I need to know if I love you (to give up my privacy, I’d have to).
But I need to know how we deal with each others farts, our attention to detail, is one person a giver, the other a taker (ie one person leaving towels on the floor, the other picking it up). The little things that you only find out by living with someone.
By The Truth
September 29, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this
This zeitgeistmovie is off the friggin chain. I wet myself so I don’t have to miss anything. Wait a dam minute, I have a pause button.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this
PG It usually happens before the puddy is even involved regardless of when it happens it still happens.
BK let them tell it we always do.
Ared Mostly all I’ve read on this blog are bloggers dogging out single parents…there are alot of single mothers holding down the fork and raising exceptional child(ren.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this
Chink
There are plenty of responsible fathers that are disgusted with the system. Mothers are given more power. It just happens to be that way.
It can be a major fight. So much that there are firm that have started to only represent men in divorces and family law.
Father’s rights is becoming a major issue.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this
LOL. Thanks for the suggestions people.
BK, you like them thigh high letha boots huh?
PG, I don’t have any forehead and now Tyra’s got 30 pounds on me since she stopped modeling. The VS Angel idea is cute tho. I might have to go for that if it’s warm enough.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this
Meant to include single fathers too…not to leave the men out there doing an exceptional job raising their kids and braiding his daughter’s hair….
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this
*Kym8
This deal was NOT a blank check. It was release to public yesterday and is on CNN.
This is plan C. The President had a proposal (plan A). The groups had an tentative agreement. Then the House Repubs had a proposal (Plan B). Now they worked and blended to two (plan C)
It forbid golden parachutes. It was releasing the funds in installments. This isn’t the total same thing.
Losing 777 points in one day. Isn’t gonna be good for anyone.
Like I said, many of these companies that are losing money are companies that would be clients.
By AmazonRed
September 29, 2008 4:27 PM | Link to this
They are making the presidential masks for Halloween: Obama, McCain and Hillary.
I told Beau that he can be Obama and I can be Hillary and he can spank me in the primaries…
Okay, I’ve said too much. Good nite! LOL
By m'karyl
September 29, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this
I think that there are many single parents that need to be commended…it is far easier to complain than to compliment…especially when the job is being done by someone else…there are men and women who are rearing some very wonderful children within the confines of some very difficult situtations and measures.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this
PG regardless of when it happens it still happens.
You asked and I gave an answer. They don’t always involve puddy.
IMO heart is more precious than an sex organ. Heart is unique. Everyone has sex organs.
If you are worried about puddy, then you are focused on sex.
IMO cheating happens before the sex actually takes place.
If its us against the world, then you gotta be with me. Otherwise, you are consorting with the enemy. Sex or no sex, you aren’t with me.
By Blue_Kolla
September 29, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this
Ared you like them thigh high letha boots huh?
Naah,just below the knee is high enough.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this
Chink fathers who should be there for their children…the one left with the child is usually the Mother. That comment right there is kind of out there in left field. I don’t know a single mother who has willingly let her kid(s) go to the father, no matter how “good” he is. I do know women who send kids to the fater when they need discipline, but no woman ever lets the ex-husband (or baby daddy or whatever you want to call him) take the kids… so all that about being “left with the kids” is nonsense.
It almost impossible for a guy to win primary custody of a child unless the mother is on drugs or has an abusive boyfriends ( in most if not all states) So no matter how good a father is its never going to be enough… some women will always complain that dude is not doing his fair share, but these same women won’t give up custody either….
By Atl Lady
September 29, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this
I’m sorry to all that I was talking to earlier. It’s been a helluva day. I plead the fifth from this point forward on any information I had or have about the goings on of the stock market and Wachovia. Best just not to say a darn thing.
By abc
September 29, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this
Per the topic and sub-topics today:
As I’ve said before, when my kids were born, I didn’t just slip from number 1 on the list, I fell off the list. A woman that will put her husband before her children is a rare thing, but to not do so seriously messes up the kids. They learn to have no respect for their father and, in turn, authority in general.
When my ex-wife snatched one of my kids about a year after leaving us, I went to visit the best family practitioner in the Southeast, if not the country. For a $20K retainer he’d get started on my case, another $20K when that ran out, and I had a next-to-nothing chance of prevailing. I gave it up and signed her agreements. Men don’t have a chance in family court.
Men most often don’t discover much about the secret lives of their significant others. Women are just that much better at keeping secrets and telling lies. Stories of men that tried to lie their ways through such shenanigans is a head shaker — as if anyone but a woman could pull off crap like that!
Yeah, let’s not bail out the banks, and let the chips fall where they may. 50 years from now the same stuff will be going on, with the rich money wizards figuring out ways to legalize ripping off everyone, but in the meantime, maybe there’ll be some fair play. I’m inclined to pull all my money out of everything and buy gold, though.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 4:42 PM | Link to this
Poppa Grande Your post at 4:00 was on the money… cheating starts waaaayyyy before the puddy is involved in a lot of cases. And the dude may have not even planned on taking it that far when the relationship began. As a matter of fact some women will prey on a dude she sees who really cares and shows geniune emotions about his family situation…
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this
MLL
I have a great respect for most single moms. My sister is a single mom and I help her with her 12 yr old son.
For example, to teach him something about money. I give him the allowance. He gets 20 dollars for the MONTH. When I give it to him, I give it to him as follows. 1 (ten dollar bill) + 1 (5 dollar bill) + 5 (one dollar bills). I take 2 from him right away to represent his 10 percent tithe for church. Then I take the other 3 ones as a form of FICA. (I save them and every six month, we deposit them in his savings account at WAMU). He still have 15 dollars to use as he see fit. (We have final say of course still).
He has learned how hard it is to budget for one full month. If he can do that, bi-monthly would be easier for him in the future.
Back to single parents thing, no one is givinf y’all a bad rap. Its is like everything else in society. Those who don’t do their job gets the attention. For exampl, You don’t hear about good cops on TV, you only hear about the bad ones.
There usually are more good ones than bad ones. But we are conditioned to respond to the bad ones.
By The Blogger formerly known as Kym
September 29, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this
PoppaG I saw the bill online have not read all 110 pages of it..(I have a midterm tonight) but frankly 700billion even in installments for a bunch of jinxy paper what are we going to do with it? Who are we getting the cash from? As for the golden parachutes if that company executive already had one built into his contract from day one of taking the job then saying we forbid it is a bunch of crap. And lets just be real those small business bailout or no bail out will need God himself to vouch for them before any bank will lend them one dime. If this is Plan C then they better go back to the drawing board besides, there are 23 more letters left in the alphabet.
By The Truth
September 29, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this
Being a cheater since day one, it was never about the puddy. A new woman gives you priority while the old one gives you grief. A dude will risk all to be king, even if for only a few minutes. Some women understand this and you know them because their husbands are always smiling. The rest seem to think they’ve figured this thing out. They haven’t and right now their husband/mate is planning the next uprising. You can tell them because they’re always bouncing from man to man.
Folks, you absolutely must see zeitgeist, especially you Poppa. Lets meet here again and discus. Wow.
By MLL
September 29, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this
Leon cheating stats wayyy before the puddy is involved but in the end puddy is involved..why are you sugar coating everything?
PG much props to you for being involved in your nephew’s life,I’m sure what values you’re teaching him will last a lifetime.
By Leggs
September 29, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this
Good night everyone!
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
Pssstt, stay aware of those around you!
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this
Kym
You don’t really have time to go through the whole alphabet, now.
That time has passed.
Questions should have been raised years ago. Did you call a congress person or local government? I know that I called Senator Paul Coverdell (I know that it was while back) and voiced my displeasure back in 1999 when Clinton started this thing because the markets were good and there was a surplus.
We all are at fault.
Banks are falling each week.
Banks are freezing lending. How are kids gonna pay for school, if they are no loans? Houses.
Is it perfect? NO. But we all screwed this thing up. That includes you and me. So we have to pay to keep this thing from going down further.
it still will fall. the question is how far.
I am not a big fan of this administration. But, I agree with this bill.
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 5:07 PM | Link to this
MLL how am I sugar coating anything? and what am I sugar coating?
By Leon Phelps
September 29, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this
MLL Puddy is never involved until it becomes involved.. a dude (or woman) can be cheating emotionally for years before puddy is involved, A dude can be cheating emotionally and never get the puddy… The chick might not be down for it or the opportunity may not arise.. either way the emotional contact is just as serious even if sex is not involved.
By Angie
September 29, 2008 5:09 PM | Link to this
Being a cheater since day one, it was never about the puddy
that’s the funniest shyt i have read in a long time! lmfao.
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 5:10 PM | Link to this
Kym
Good luck on that midterm.
I had mine last week. Too bad the grade doesn’t count. I got an “B” .
By db
September 29, 2008 5:18 PM | Link to this
the truth: you want more information?? Great! Check out www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com. Alan Watt, the author of this site has a wealth of information that folks need to know about. He’s not just speaking out his a$$; he backs up his information with documentation. The site looks a bit crazy and he speaks in a very monotone voice; but listen to the man. That cat will enlighten you if you choose to open your mind…
db
By Poppa Grande
September 29, 2008 5:26 PM | Link to this
MLL
it not sugarcoating…it is just stating. There is a reason. Puddy is just the result of something else being wrong.
Its sad all the way around.
By Angie
September 29, 2008 5:51 PM | Link to this
leon what is the goal?
answer is to get to the puddy.
By Poppa Grande
September 30, 2008 8:58 AM | Link to this
Angie
Once again, you are wrong. I doubt many cheating men have gone out with the purpose to get puddy. Most are going out to get something that they aren’t getting from an SO.
The goal usually is not the puddy. The goal is getting treated like a king. Some go as far as getting the puddy, but not all. Puddy is usually not the objective. Read Truth’s last post yesterday again. It explains it best. You all want to feel like Queens. We want to feel like Kings. In other words, we want to be as much a priority that you want us to be. No one else before us.
As a married person, I look at the vows as a long winded way of saying that I will rely on you for my needs and vice versa. (I work in the legal field, and I know long-windedness). Whether its support during financial struggle (richer or poorer), whether my health issue (sickness or health), etc. Just going outside of the relationship for a need without bringing it to the spouse is a violation of that vow. So, if that is done, cheating has already done. If the spouse, isn’t gonna really listen to other’s concern then, he/she is partly to blame because they made that promise (vow) to be there for each other.
You guys are focusing on the puddy part, but the fact that we look elsewhere for our needs should really be the major focus. Because that means that we feel that you aren’t supportive in some way that we needed you to be. We are humans just like y’all. We have more similarities than differences.