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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > August > 13 > Entry
DEL.ICIO.USHave we met?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Yesterday I griped about the people who purposely oversell themselves to get more attention from the opposite sex. Today, I wanted to discuss the people who are a little oblivious to the fact that they are not who they say/think they are. Specifically, women! Ladies, bear with me because I may have to throw a few of us under the proverbial girly bus today.
My guy decoder, Panama, has argued with me about his theory about women and their “representatives” and he actually won this particular argument. He wrote, “Most women aren’t who they say they are when you first begin dating them. I’m well aware that many men misrepresent themselves. However, there is one major difference. Those men are maliciously and deceivingly misrepresenting themselves in attempts to procure nudity; women ACTUALLY think they are the people they say they are.”
I had to finally concede and admit that even in my 30s, I am still learning about the “relationship” me and the “single” me. Honestly, I do seem to change a lot when I am in a committed relationship. Although, I don’t think I become a totally different person, I have found that when I become more emotionally invested in guy,some insecurities creep in and I have to keep them in check. That’s just one particular area that I recognize, but the guys I have dated pointed out others. It is always good when you date someone that can call you on your behavior!
Guys, do you agree with my buddy when he says that women aren’t who they think they are in terms of personality, character, etc.? Have you ever dated a woman who started out behaving one way, then as you two became serious, she totally flipped the script on you? How did you handle it?
Ladies, do you think that you are self-aware about your “relationship” self? Do you think you change when you become more involved in a relationship with a new guy? How do you deal with these changes without looking like a neurotic, split-personality, wacknut? Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!?
Self-actualization is your friend people, Google it!
Permalink | Comments (296) | Post your comment | Categories: He Said/She Said
Comments
By Atlanta Pearl Girl
August 13, 2008 8:21 AM | Link to this
It’s really quite interesting……. I really like myself ‘alot’…and feel that when in a relationship, it’s a delicate balancing act to keep yourself true and then merge yourself into another person. I like to think of it as being two trees side by side, and then you intertwine your ‘roots’ so to speak, but still remain two seperate trees on the surface.
It’s really difficult to do I think. I have seen girlfriends change before my eyes when they are with their spouse or significant others…one friend so much so, that when she’s with her husband our other friends look at one another with sideways glances at some of her actions. It’s as if she’s a completely different person that we don’t know.
I suppose that’s why I ‘dabble’ in dating. I’m looking for the guy who is happy with who he is, happy with me for who I am, and we just kind of end up being happy together, but able to be who we are. I suppose that’s why I also have pugs.
Here’s to romance!!!
By aqualung
August 13, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this
I misrepresent PHYSICALLY with a weave (daily until December) and/or pantyhose and pushup bra (sometimes).
As far as personality and character, I’m a straight shooter. Rarely sarcastic or coy. I have a high opinion of myself, so there’s no need to oversell, really.
By QC
August 13, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this
HAPPY HUMP DAY BLOGGERS…ENJOY IT
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this
Atl Pearl I agree with you. However to your friend’s defense I am a witness to being around certain people lead to you to acting or wanting to act a certain way. I may act sillier around certain friends without my spouse. Not that I don’t act silly around him but it’s just that guys don’t like that overly silly behavior sometimes. And I tend to act much more girly around my marido than with most others. He tends to bring the full potential of my girlyness out. Not that I am not girly when he is not around.
‘Single’ vs ‘relationship’ behavior.
I am a believer of “you bring out the best in me”. Sometimes that a good thing and sometimes it’s not.
Now on the topic in particular, this could very well be the “best behavior” representative that we send out ahead of us. We tend to leave a better impression when on our best behavior. However to just totally be a whole different person and you know that you wouldn’t be caught acting like that on any given ordinary day is deception.
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this
My relationship me is my single me…first and foremost the relationship for which I have the most esteem and value is the one I have with myself…I have spent more years being single than being in relationships…I have come to value who I am without any SO to affirm that status…I am truly a what you see (and hear) is what you get…I do not redefine that person based upon any emotional values assigned to another person.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 13, 2008 9:14 AM | Link to this
Good topic Wise like Mya Angelou says when a person shows (not tell)you who they are, believe them so true. That’s been by rule of thumb forever! You get what you see with me. I don’t cover up instead flatter my flaws.
Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!? Yes. esp since I moved to Atlanta.
By Brooklyn
August 13, 2008 9:19 AM | Link to this
Good morning Blog,
I don’t think I misrepresent in my relationships but I do notice with some men, I get more vulnerable and/or self conscious but I’m able to push that all away sooner or later. I usually tell a man what they see is what they get with me: an independant, sweet but witty, opinionated girl. I don’t suddenly become a doormat or a clinger once I get attached. Sometimes I even become more independant while in a relationship which frustrates bf’s sometimes.
I think every one has dated someone who turned out to be completely different that you thought. That comes with the territory in the dating life. Sometimes’ I’m able to be hip to these imposters but other times these men can be soo damn charming and fascinating that even I get drawn in. lol.
But overall I think once a person knows themselves well..they are able to recognize B.S from others and won’t tolerate it…
By Foots
August 13, 2008 9:20 AM | Link to this
Wise Although, I don’t think I become a totally different person, I have found that when I become more emotionally invested in guy,some insecurities creep in and I have to keep them in check.
I think that’s mostly everybody, including me. It’s just a way of protecting yourself when your heart is really on the line. The key for me is to not let it affect the way I relate to my man and keep allowing the trust to flourish.
I know that I tend to close off a little as I get further into a relationship, pull back some. I’m kind of at that point now, though my feelings haven’t changed, it’s just my self-preservation instinct at work. When I was much younger, it would spell the end of a relationship. Now that I’m older, I notice that I’m doing it and why, and I am able to corral those “RUN FORREST RUN!!” feelings a bit more.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 9:23 AM | Link to this
Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!?
Yes and no. Yes, because I realized that after months of dating, I really didn’t know much about who he actually was. No, because I had more than an inkling that he wasn’t the right person for me in the two years before we got together in a relationship.
In other situations, I had clues to their true character. When the clues became facts, I left those situations.
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this
“…who ARE you and have we met!?”
LOL That happens even after knowing someone for years. Don’t believe me? Wait until you share a life, home and bed with them every.single.day.
There will be some instances where you ask yourself “is this what I signed up for?”,”where did this (wo)man come from?”.
But I guess that’s life.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
@WD
In the beginning there’s nothing to lose, I mean really, you don’t know the person.
As with all changes in life, you become increasingly used to an experience/person and figure out that you have more to lose.
That’s when the psycho “where you going, who you with, who over there, where you at, what you doing now?”
RIP Bernie Mac
By melo
August 13, 2008 9:37 AM | Link to this
misrepresenting themselves in attempts to procure nudity i dont knw how ladies let this happen..make sure u have ur ruler with u all the time ladies….that way u can quickly get dressed if the measurements dont add up..lol when I become more emotionally invested in guy,some insecurities creep in and I have to keep them in check can u give examples of what insecurities creep in Wise so we get a clear sense of what u talking about…? But i wld think that if u want to fall in luv,u have to allow urself to be vulnerable,thats the only way u can feel the luv coming from the other side as well as enjoy it…Happy blogging guys…..
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 9:40 AM | Link to this
I like this “self-actualization”. That’s one I have not discussed with my brother before.
IMO the first step to take in the self-actualization process is to be true to your self about that fact that we do tend to act different in certain situations. And being single versus in a relationship can very well be one of those situations.
A gaggle of folks are going to deny acting differently. But that’s probably because they don’t realize that they do.
First realizing who we are and then fully accepting it can lead to obtaining knowing and obtaining the fullness of one’s potential.
Sometimes it is necessary and beneficial for others to point out characteristics about us that we are not aware of. Having knowledge can make us a better being.
Don’t scoff…Embrace.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 13, 2008 9:44 AM | Link to this
who ARE you and have we met!?” lol sometimes I had to ask myself who am I why am I with you lol I must’ve bumped my head for even going this far with this one LOL
By Sasha Two Pistols
August 13, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this
Ladies, do you think that you are self-aware about your “relationship” self?—I think I am. I’m pretty much myself when I’m in a relationship, the only change is really a good, I’m more patient though. And if you know me, you would know that I can be quite impatient and impulsive about certain things. But in a relationship I’m more considerate, which is a good thing. But not to the point of being a push-over, cause I don’t play that.
Do you think you change when you become more involved in a relationship with a new guy?—Kind of goes with what I said in the above question. But I really try to check myself and make sure that I am still the same person around my man and my friends. And really being able to balance your other relationships is key here to me. I don’t like those people who only hang out with their significant other and totally isolates their male or guy friends, to me that is the worst change ever. You need to be able to still socialize with your people from time to time.
Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!?—Months? Try weeks! LOL Basically, I had to take a step back and say to myself, Self, this is not what you want. My whole deal is, if I know I don’t want you around my friends, then you’re not the person for me. While I’m not going to base my decision on someone by my friends opinion, I have to feel comfortable bringing you into my close, personal relationships.
By Sasha Two Pistols
August 13, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Ladies, do you think that you are self-aware about your “relationship” self?—I think I am. I’m pretty much myself when I’m in a relationship, the only change is really a good, I’m more patient though. And if you know me, you would know that I can be quite impatient and impulsive about certain things. But in a relationship I’m more considerate, which is a good thing. But not to the point of being a push-over, cause I don’t play that.
Do you think you change when you become more involved in a relationship with a new guy?—Kind of goes with what I said in the above question. But I really try to check myself and make sure that I am still the same person around my man and my friends. And really being able to balance your other relationships is key here to me. I don’t like those people who only hang out with their significant other and totally isolates their male or guy friends, to me that is the worst change ever. You need to be able to still socialize with your people from time to time.
Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!?—Months? Try weeks! LOL Basically, I had to take a step back and say to myself, Self, this is not what you want. My whole deal is, if I know I don’t want you around my friends, then you’re not the person for me. While I’m not going to base my decision on someone by my friends opinion, I have to feel comfortable bringing you into my close, personal relationships.
By Sasha Two Pistols
August 13, 2008 9:50 AM | Link to this
Ladies, do you think that you are self-aware about your “relationship” self?—I think I am. I’m pretty much myself when I’m in a relationship, the only change is really a good, I’m more patient though. And if you know me, you would know that I can be quite impatient and impulsive about certain things. But in a relationship I’m more considerate, which is a good thing. But not to the point of being a push-over, cause I don’t play that.
Do you think you change when you become more involved in a relationship with a new guy?—Kind of goes with what I said in the above question. But I really try to check myself and make sure that I am still the same person around my man and my friends. And really being able to balance your other relationships is key here to me. I don’t like those people who only hang out with their significant other and totally isolates their male or guy friends, to me that is the worst change ever. You need to be able to still socialize with your people from time to time.
Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!?—Months? Try weeks! LOL Basically, I had to take a step back and say to myself, Self, this is not what you want. My whole deal is, if I know I don’t want you around my friends, then you’re not the person for me. While I’m not going to base my decision on someone by my friends opinion, I have to feel comfortable bringing you into my close, personal relationships.
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this
This is one topic I cannot leave alone…I have a number of t-shirts regarding this one.
The last two ladies I dated for more than a month gave new meaning to the word schizophrenic. Some times I felt like I was getting smacked like in the Sonic commercials. Both ladies were extremely passionate, and when they were good they were awesome, but the wind could change for no apparent reason 24 hours later.
Lady 1…we would spend hours making out like school kids, and the next day she would say she was leaving, or she could not be in a relationship, or not answering a call or text message…then a week or two later when I had “moved on” she would call and act like nothing had happened and want to know if I wanted to go out. Hellz, one time I thought it was over and it had been three weeks, she called me while I was on the observation deck of the Empire State Bldg, and acted like nothing ever happened and wanted to go out. Crazy woman…absolutely crazy.
Lady 2…we could spend a fabulous day together, her tell me a dozen times how much she loved me, and then the next day I’d get a “Dear Randy” letter. Then two weeks later I would get an email wanting to discuss the situation. That woman would do so many “360’s” that I never knew if I was coming or going. This happened a dozen times probably. When she was not experiencing some “hormonal” issues, the woman was incredible. Oh well, I’m sure she is safe in the arms of her ex-husband and maybe that is good.
Okay here is the most sexist comment you will ever hear me make…I think there is a streak of insanity in most if not all women. They would definitely make Spock from Star Trek totally crazy. I think that the only totally sane woman I have ever known was a lesbian I worked and was friends with…at least she KNEW what she wanted ;-).
Sorry WD, I know that there are crazy men out there…but women are in a category all their own!!!
Bill Murray said it best in “What About Bob,
“Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I’m Schizophrenic, and so am I”.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this
Morning lovelies! Very nice responses from the ladies thus far. Randyt, you are a nut. LOL
Well, as my single self, there is no one in the world I know better. Outside of a relationship it’s “you…uninterrupted.” All your choices are yours without having to consider another party (within reason).
As for my relationship self, it’s a lot more fluid. Some relationships will bring out different side of your personalities, especially parts you may not use as often. LOL. I make many more missteps in my relationship self.
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this
RandytYou didn’have to go there with the Bill Murray joke!!LOL
On topicI am self aware of myself in a relationship. One thing that I do notice about myself when I’m dating someone is the EXTRA time I spend looking in the mirror and choosing outfits to wear when that stuff doesn’t matter when I’m out with my girls hanging or out with my guy friends hanging. I’m more about putting my best foot forward initiallyand then slowly allowing him to find out how much of a tomboy I can really become at times. As far as the impact on friends…I know that there are going to be some that aren’t going to mix well with my ideal guy. I have some people that I hang with occasionally that are not into too much culturally. Other than go out for drinks and dinner, I can’t take them anywhere because they act as if it’s over their heads. That’s cool, but don’t expect me to deny myself of the things I enjoy.
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this
Hey AmazonRed I did not mean to get on a tangent, sorry. Actually if the truth was told, I suspect I am attracted to crazies maybe…seems to be a pattern anyway. Never a dull moment! LOL
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this
Since I’m a straight shooter, I believe I represent “me” from day one. No, I don’t put everything on the table upfront. I don’t put on pretenses of being this nor that. I don’t flip the script. I’m not crazy! GET BACK HERE - DID YOU HEAR ME I’M NOT CRAZY. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET!…Sorry, all jokes aside. I must admit it will be interesting to see if my relationship self is the same as the “me” self.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 13, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this
Good Lord what a great topic Wise!! I always talk about the guys and their representative…whihc tends to go home between 3-6 months (6 months being the the most intense of course). Now, my problem is the me that is in a relationship is always looking out for myself as if I am not. You can’t trust people..guys in particular. So the same insecurities are there in the begining remain there. I am always consistant with my madness (as I have demonstrated on the blo since day one)! We all know it does not matter how pretty you are, how good you are in bed, how much fun, how smart,etc…guys for some reason cheat down. Have you ever wondered why the chick they cheat with is so much less in many or all ways than the one they have. But the say they are visual creatures…so do they go blind when they choose to creep. Or has the standard been lowered to being born female with a pulse? Now I will admit to having split personalities…lol. But I am not one of those girls who gets so wrapped up in a guy that I act differently and forget my friends…never have time fro my friends because I being an enema (up his azz). I do not let a guy become my life. My friends were there before him and after him. So I do not neglect them for a new piece of booty! But I have had friends who did that to me….I kicked them to the curb! Don’t use me now that he dumped you. I am no consolation prize! (May be mean…but oh the hell well…)
Aqualung * misrepresent PHYSICALLY with a weave (daily until December) and/or pantyhose and pushup bra (sometimes).* Too damn funny! LOL
Brooklyn Girl are you my sister from another mister? You sound like me. FREAKY! Maybe its an NY thang! Uptown whaaaat! LOL
Have you ever dated a guy who showed his true colors after months of dating, that made you think, who ARE you and have we met!? Yep..I had to cut a dude of in a matter of weeks. He was nuts! And for some reason..a year later this dude still calls me. I have not returned a call or email or text for this long. What is teh deal? Go away nutcase!
**
By Foots
August 13, 2008 10:19 AM | Link to this
Sasha Three Posts And really being able to balance your other relationships is key here to me. I don’t like those people who only hang out with their significant other..
That’s something that I try not to do either. We still schedule girl’s night out and since all of my SO’s friends are married with kids, I try to let him know in advance so that he can find somebody to do something with. This past Saturday, I had two girl’s only activities, which took up the whole day. He took that opportunity to hang out with family and friends also. When we finally got back together on Sunday, it was so much better for us having time apart with our folks.
He has a friend though, whose wife won’t let him out of her sight. What she doesn’t realize is that she’s keeping herself from having a good time also by trying to keep the leash on him. My friends and I like to get together, have dinner, travel, etc. I wouldn’t dare deny my man the things he likes to do, cause then I’d be expected to stay home all the time too. Maybe if I talk to her, I’ll get her to let the guys have their night out. Her husband would thank me. And really, she would too.
By abc
August 13, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this
The thing about self-actualization is that to pursue it, one must first satisfy other areas of their lives, such as survival, security, belonging, recognition. Google Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
I thought yesterday’s topic was a bit odd, as I’ve never known men that would intentionally misrepresent themselves in order to get laid — please correct me if I’ve mis-stated the topic. I’ve read women saying so on this blog, but that’s the only exposure to such behavior I’ve ever heard of. No self-respecting man would stoop to being so roguish only to gain physical attention. To those chicks I say, stop hanging out in places full of such losers.
However, of course women mis-represent themselves. Yall really don’t need me to go into all that again!
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this
Although, I don’t think I become a totally different person, I have found that when I become more emotionally invested in guy,some insecurities creep in and I have to keep them in check.
Being a little more serious for a moment, I think your quote above is a major player in what causes men to scratch their heads and say WTF…especially in the “single again” group. No one wants to get wounded again, and people start “thinking” too much…and making up problems where no problems exist. A lot of relationships are killed this way…ask me how I know.
By For Real
August 13, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this
What up blog fam!
Ladies answer this question for me and please don’t get defensive.
How can you conduct “Self-Actualization” when it SEEMS that i) you lie to yourselves (i.e. makeup, pushup bras, weave, contacts, hair color, control top, high heels etc); ii) have no accountability (i.e. ain’t no good men, it’s a man shortage, he didn’t treat me right, he was a dawg, he used me, he ruined my credit, he couldn’t handle me, he got me pregnant etc…); iii) want a gold star or some sort special recognition for doing what adults are suppose to, and iv) the changes in your emotional states from moment to moment (i.e. happy, sad, trapped, free, excited, hopless, angry, sexy, too fat, too skinny, pretty, ugly, confident, insecure, scared, strong, in a rut, willing, unwilling, etc…)
I know we have discussed these same point in the past but before dismissing them let us look at them in a different light. From a male perspective, those things are what causes women to change once yall are in a relationship. Which is why I call women irrational.
Why does some many external things have so much impact on who you are? Can women exist in the “simple”? Do women believe if it not complicated it’s not true? Is content a bad thing to women? If so, why are you always striving for happiness then or does those two words mean something different to women?
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 10:23 AM | Link to this
from a behavioural standpoint…my relationship self and my single self is NOT the same…how could it be?
my single self is a flirtatious, always on the scene, man attracting free spirit…
my relationship self is a nester that caters (to a degree) to my man and our plans and activities and goals…
now…my belief system and personality does not change…but my behaviour/habits/interactions with the opposite sex? it has to…and anybody that says different is not being honest…
By Utopia
August 13, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this
I’m not certain how this will fit into today’s topic but as it relates not truly being the person represented or thought to be….I’m as sweet, loving and giving as deemed. If at any time during the course of the relationship, the getting to know one another stage or whatever road traveling and however we’re going to label this thing, as long as he stays true to the representative introduced we are good. If I discover at anytime, your true self (person not initially presented), we have a problem. I don’t necessarily think I become a different person per se, I think being misled causes emotions to run deep and brings out that other side.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this
Good morning to all….
Randyt
Okay here is the most sexist comment you will ever hear me make…I think there is a streak of insanity in most if not all women.
I am with you on that one.
I have been asked what has kept my marriage going for so long? One of the first things that I say is that I know the “crazy” with which I live. The wife has heard me say it, too. It has kept me faithful as well. Why get involved with some other unknown crazy just because she has a big booty & a smile?(thanks Bell Biv Devoe) Or better yet have to deal with double crazy by having to deal with both of them? Its just not worth it.
Yes, I love her and all that other gushy stuff. However, I am sure that most men that cheated on their wives loved their wives.
On topic
As I state last week, I think that the insecurity thing about which WD speaks is a combination of self-actualization and self-preservation.
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 13, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this
I agree Sexycool when I’m single I act accordingly and when I’m in a relationship I do like wise.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 10:36 AM | Link to this
@For Real
Interesting (and accurate) post.
Now let’s watch the responses and see how many times it’s still the man’s fault
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 10:38 AM | Link to this
…Can women exist in the “simple”? I have asked myself this question too many times looking at women. Yes, it’s important we keep ourselves together but all the artifical means some of us use baffles me. Simplicity is sexy! Don’t get me wrong, I do wear makeup I just don’t understand all the other stuff.
Now, we women are born to be nuturers. So, once we become involved this instinct automatically manifests itself in our treatment of the man we deem worthy. This is just another side of our true “self” that trickled over into our “relationship” self. Does this make sense to you?
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 10:39 AM | Link to this
correction…there is a streak of insanity in everybody…
anybody can act a like they got a plate in their head or a little wierd, off, crazy or whatever you wanna call it…
you just have to determine if YOU can deal with their BRAND of crazy…
By Dan
August 13, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
@Leggs
I think For Real was talking simple as in the moment.
Beyond the overly complicated explanations and mechinations of an overactive mind.
I think he was talking about not looking for deeper meaning to what men say, not looking for trouble (when there are no signs of any), and God help us just sitting in the simplicity of silence.
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
“…and anybody that says different is not being honest”
That is the honest truth.
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this
For Real Since we family I agree to a certain extent about the makeup, weave, and accessories we put in place to attract men, but a lot of it has only do it to be the best looking in our minds. A lot of that also plays into our own insecurities of how we think we’re supposed to look. Some people take longer to become happy with who they truly are through and through. I know it took me awhile before I had to settle that I was a little bit country (Gardening, cooking, sewing, some crafts, sports) and a little bit city (Plays and nights out on the town). I tell people when I’m having a PMS day and to leave me alone until I can shake the funk. That’s a part of life and living. You’re funny a$$ hell in here, but when you spent the entire day blog debating with ABC, that was something I hadn’t seen (I don’t recall). Refreshing, but different. Am I still yo gurl? Do ya get a bigger picture?
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
For Real
Very good post.
Staceye
But I am not one of those girls who gets so wrapped up in a guy that I act differently and forget my friends…never have time fro my friends because I being an enema (up his azz).
My wife is the same way. We made it clear to each other early on that our friends are part of the package. Our true friends..that is..so it isn’t that many that you call as such. The friends were there for me before I knew that she existed. And the same went for me.
By For Real
August 13, 2008 10:47 AM | Link to this
See ladies this is how you change. Every description each of you gave end with a “BUT”. Why/How can you divide yourselves into single and relationship selves? Isn’t that a clear sign that you will change?
Chick: Oh baby I love you soooooo much. I am just sooo happy to be in this relationship with you.
*Chick Single Self: You better enjoy it while it last bc as soon I am able to bust Relationship self in the head to the white meat. It’s on!!
Dude: Yeah me too we just got nice grove going.
Relationship Self: OUCHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Somebody just busted my head to the white meat!!!
Chick: You know what this ish ain’t working for me. You hold me back. I can do a whole lot better than you. You ain’t worthy of me.
Dude: WTF!!!!
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
One of the first things that I say is that I know the “crazy” with which I live.
LOL. PG, it’s good to hear you say that and still want to be with her. I do have my crazy moments and I let them be known. I’m an investigator and a seeker of truth. Beau is fully aware of what I’m capable of and I know he’s not always pleased. However, I’d rather be upfront about my crazy rather than be one of those sneaky ones. LOL
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this
Guys, do you agree with my buddy when he says that women aren’t who they think they are in terms of personality, character, etc.?
Absolutely!!!!!!!! It happens 9 out of 10 times!
I feel that a high percentage of women have insecurity issues and when they meet a man that appears to have themselves together, they get scared that they will be exposed for who they truly are! I have always said that most women live in a fantasy world and most feel that they control when they will meet the right person, have kids, get married, etc.
You see, when you go out with guys who are thugs, below average, etc., they don’t care about the real person, they just want your company and most of all your sex, so you are in a safe spot, but when you deal with a man of substance, he will examine you inside and out and read into what you really are! Women know this and when they start dealing with a man and see that he is solid, they become scared in most cases and retreat.
It’s almost like..:Humm..I have found the man of my dreams, but I am not together, so he will be my d*ck in the bottle until I get my self together, I hope he is not taken when I am ready!
Atlanta is the frontin capital of the world and I think it is more socially acceptable to be plastic than Teflon.
Have you ever dated a woman who started out behaving one way, and then as you two became serious, she totally flipped the script on you? How did you handle it?
Again, this happens often, because most women say they want a good man, but in reality they don’t, until they feel that they are ready to accept a good man into their lives and on their terms!
I find that more and more women will shield who they really are, because of fear that that man will not accept them for who they really are. This amazes me, because the person you want to have longevity with is that person who will accept you flaws and all, not the person who wants you when you are complete!
Dating to me is like navigating through a field of landmines, one wrong move and you are done!
By abc
August 13, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this
“Women are Nurturers”.
How are women nurturing to the men in their lives? They nurture children in obvious ways, but what exactly do you think you do to nurture men, and what do you nurture in them?
By Dan
August 13, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this
Part of being self-actualized
Realizing that the “relationship” you and the “single” you are one in the same person
And learning to reconcile those competing desires….
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 10:54 AM | Link to this
Why does some many external things have so much impact on who you are?
sometimes…it’s NOT an external influence that causes women to be who they are on any given day…believe it or not…the hormonal changes that a woman experiences throughout the phases of her cycle can have an amazing impact on her moods, emotions, physical well being and so on…
until i learned to pay better attention to my inner self and really get in tune with the biological changes in my body…i, myself, thought i was as loony as could be…
and while society tends to joke about PMS and the even more serious PMDD…it is actually quite serious…
so…i advise women to become more in tune with their physical selves and realize what an impact it can have on your mental/emotional self and learn the skills to manage the changes that occur within your bodies…
and i advise men to take a step back and instead of just calling a woman crazy…take into account that she just may be dealing with physiological changes within her body that even she is not aware of how they affect her psyche…
i now climb down off my soapbox…i could go on…
By Dan
August 13, 2008 10:57 AM | Link to this
@LLurker
Precient post…just ran across that situation myself.
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this
dan…that was so NOT a profound statement…of course, we are one and the same person…i mean it’s not like we can morph into another body…
seriously though…that’s like saying my professional me and my hanging out with my folks me are not the same…
or that my saturday night club me and my sunday morning church me are not the same…
it’s all me…just the behaviours are different…behaving according to a situation does not make you a different person…it’s just that you assimilate into the environment in which you exist…
By Foots
August 13, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this
Dan just ran across that situation myself.
Which situation? The one where you met a woman and she got scared because you had more of your stuff together than she did?
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this
Thank you SexyCool for changing the word “women” to “everybody”!
Oh, ok Dan.
Women are nuturers to the men in their lives by providing nourishment to their mind (conversationalist), body (sexual) and soul (makes them want to be a better person whether its being more patient, more benevolent, do more volunteer work, whatever it might be. You can define nourishment anyway you like.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this
@Sexy
I response to For Real’s post you offered an excuse about hormones, then in reply to my ^5 on his statement, you replay about different personalities….
I refer you to the post:
ii) have no accountability (i.e. ain’t no good men, it’s a man shortage, he didn’t treat me right, he was a dawg, he used me, he ruined my credit, he couldn’t handle me, he got me pregnant etc…)
There is no but, no hormonal change, no event or environment….just you
When can we just hear that
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this
Sexycool the problem is men don’t want to believe that we actually experience hormonal changes during that time. Because the don’t understand it they choose not to believe it.
Not only do we women need to recognize the oncoming changes, but a man that has spent some time with a woman should began to recognize them too. That way saving himself much aggravation. And he needs to understand we have no full control of the emotional rollercoaster. There is only so much adjusting we can do to try to tame it.
It’s funny now because sometimes before I even grasp the time I will hear from my life mate “it must be that time of the month”.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this
Why does some many external things have so much impact on who you are? Can women exist in the “simple”?
LOL. I’ll raise my hand. Cuz that’s me, no make up, all my real hair, nails, etc. Take me as I’m: flat chested, nibbled nails, non designer threads and all. Growing up in a “teflon” society can sometimes make you appreciate those comfortabe in your own skin. Many people aren’t tho.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
AR
Don’t get me wrong. I know that what she terms “my quiet strength” annoys her as well.
SexyCool
correction…there is a streak of insanity in everybody…
That is a true statement.
However, that’s not what we are talking about. What Randyt and I (and others) are speaking of a simple term called “consistency”.
How can you switch moods all so quickly? I love my wife but there are days that I feel that behavior comes out of the blue. She’ll try to put it on me with a “you don’t listen to me” remark. Which isn’t always true.
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
ABC It depends on who the man is and how he reacts? I would hope that any man I’m in a serious relationship with can fully relax and not be onguard all the time. I think of myself as the potential ‘helpmeet’. WE collectively work together and if I can do anything to make it easier that’s my role. Not everyman is able to be nutured. Who really knows what was on their path to get to where he is today and how he handled walking that road to her. Is he angry? Is he a con? Is he an abuser? Some men don’t care if she can do the things some women like to do to show love such as cook, clean, and groom (pop pimples, pull ingrown hairs, scratch his scalp, etc.). OR am I over simplifying your question? Did I answer your question?
By Dan
August 13, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
@Foots
yeah, after a fashion I did.
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this
and i advise men to take a step back and instead of just calling a woman crazy…take into account that she just may be dealing with physiological changes within her body that even she is not aware of how they affect her psyche…
Men cannot walk back that fast, LOL. Honestly, when I was married, my wife had usually 5-7 days of PMS. Some women get weepy, some women get insecure, she just got dayum mean. I could see the craziness in her eyes when it was starting and I knew before she did. For the first few days, I would try hard to just bite my tongue, but around the 4th day I’d crack and snap back…and women DO NOT like PMS being brought to their attention, LOL (no way, no how!!!). Much prefer the “on fire with a spear through their chest”. Like I said before, after the John Wayne Bobbitt episode, I would sleep on my stomach for a week when her PMS rolled around.
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this
My sister suffers from PMDD and growing up with her, even me being a like woman thought she was a total nutcase. But now I know.
By abc
August 13, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
Anyone would be those things to their significant interest, though, SexyLeggs. Those aren’t specific to females.
Anyone can be a conversationalist. A female isn’t providing a nourishment through sex any more than a man does.
Now, I’ve heard that women think they have an effect on a man’s ‘soul’ by influencing them to be more patient, benevolent, volunteer more, etc., but I don’t buy it. People will respond in those ways either through force of their own personality or through emulation of those they admire, but not through some kind of so-called nurturing that some chick thinks she provides. You’re kidding yourselves — no, deluding yourselves.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 11:15 AM | Link to this
question what is up with these thick females and these tight azz clothes. bytch buy a LARGE! their boobs poppin’ all out and the love handles wanting to escape. they get more play than me. and then got the nerve to sit at their desk and SNACK ALL DAY! lawd jeezus.
fellas is that ^^^ sexy? must be … gotta be. smh. yea, i’m hatin’. so! don’t make no dayum sense!!!
venting.
hey MLL!
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 11:16 AM | Link to this
I’m with you ARed, but I do wear make-up (not much but some)!!
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 11:17 AM | Link to this
@Dan
I feel you on re: being one and the same person…some ppl take for granted that it is indeed the same person…yes, in presence…but not necessarily on a emotional basis…I have seen how ppl with whom a non-emotionally based relationship produces one personality and when it changes to an emotional based relationship, then the personality of the person changes…and it is dayummmed annoying, to say the least…the emotional jekyll and hyde syndrome…no thank you.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 11:20 AM | Link to this
Don’t get me wrong. I know that what she terms “my quiet strength” annoys her as well.
Poppa G, oh I know full well that you probably grate her nerves quite frequently. You’re a guy. LOL ;-)
By SlimDiva
August 13, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this
I am VERY self-aware about my ‘relationship’ self. Changing who I am basically depends on how much I really am attracted to the guy, whether or not we have a true connection and if I’m sincerely interested in being involved for the long haul. Recently, I became a little insecure because I realized that my emotions and feelings were growing deep and strong more rapidly than I wanted them to. I was afraid to fall in love with him, although I VERY MUCH WANT TO DO THAT. However, I allowed past baggage/mistakes to create doubt in mind of whether or not I am worthy of him or if he’s worthy of having me.
I’ve since re-evaluated my feelings and what I want and have resulted into changing my UNUSUAL ‘neurotic’ behavior. The good part was that I was able to recognize and understand that my behavior had become unusual. I was saying and doing things that I wasn’t accustomed to doing it. I had to change that negative behavior and return to the person who I TRULY AM!! The question is will he be willing to accept the fact that I allowed fears to interfere in our relationship and go from there.
I have met men who begin being kind…calling often, saying what I wanted to hear. Later….whether it’s a few weeks or months, these same men flipped the script…avoiding phone calls, distancing themselves, not having their words as their bond, etc. We have to be able to recognize when changes occur and seek to correct the problem and move on. If he ain’t gonna love me the way he should…I let it go!!!
By Chink
August 13, 2008 11:21 AM | Link to this
I was listening to something like this on the radio this morning ….
BRAIN RULE RUNDOWN Rule #11: Male and female brains are different.
What’s different? Mental health professionals have known for years about sex-based differences in the type and severity of psychiatric disorders. Males are more severely afflicted by schizophrenia than females. By more than 2 to 1, women are more likely to get depressed than men, a figure that shows up just after puberty and remains stable for the next 50 years. Males exhibit more antisocial behavior. Females have more anxiety. Most alcoholics and drug addicts are male. Most anorexics are female. Men and women handle acute stress differently. When researcher Larry Cahill showed them slasher films, men fired up the amygdale in their brain’s right hemisphere, which is responsible for the gist of an event. Their left was comparatively silent. Women lit up their left amygdale, the one responsible for details. Having a team that simultaneously understood the gist and details of a given stressful situation helped us conquer the world. Men and women process certain emotions differently. Emotions are useful. They make the brain pay attention. These differences are a product of complex interactions between nature and nurture.
http://www.brainrules.net/gender
It makes alot of sense people. Read up on it.
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
not an excuse, sweetie, fact…
another fact…i’m not one of those whose always singing the he done me wrong songs…i don’t have a problem taking responsibility for my state of being…
as to the statements that you chose to outline…
1 - i know several GOOD men and have a GOOD man… 2 - there was never a man shortage me for me…i’ve never had a problem meeting men… 3 - if a man didn’t treat me right…it was because i allowed him to…however, being in those situations, i have had enough sense to get dah#ll on… 4 - some men ARE dawgs, some men do use women and some men do ruin women’s credit…however…so do some women… 5 - he couldn’t handle me…i, for one, HATE to hear women say that crap…maybe he just wasn’t the man for you…or maybe your habit of dominating (albeit a forced habit learned as a survival tactic) drove the man away and he didn’t want to deal with your bossy butt… 6 - i ain’t never said this…cause can’t nobody get me pregnant by themselves…the two times that i have ever been pregnant…i promise you that i was there and participating…now…as to your statement dismissing hormonal changes…GTFOH with that…let your body start producing too little or too much or in some way inhibiting the biological functions that stand up your willie and see if YOUR behind don’t act different…
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
Funny…I have suffered from severe PMS for the last 22 years…it took me 5 years to understnad what was happening to me because I did not realize how the hormonal shifts could alter emotional and psychological temperment…but what I have found is that I am all way cool with the situation as long as I do not have emotional stresses in my space…so, while I do admit that the PMS behaviors/attitudes are very real…I also believe that they can be controlled…diet…emotional stress levels…a good doob…lol…what I have learned is not to entertain anyone who imposes any emotional stress on my space…no one…period.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 11:22 AM | Link to this
So let me get this straight:
In relation to have we met?
You ladies are saying you haven’t met you or the you that you can/will become on a given day?
woooooowwwww
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
I started to put men do this too, but he asked how are “women nuturers”? Just defined the word “nuture”. Nothing more nothing less. Better examples can be given, but these 3 popped in my head first. Some men are clueless about nurturing the psyche of a woman!
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 11:27 AM | Link to this
@Beautiful On your 11:15, its not the size of those women that are attracting dudes, its their fun attitudes and confidence that attracts dudes to them.
Ya see, most men are tired of dealing with chicks that have great bods and/or looks, but jacked up attitudes!
Insecurity is a major turnoff as well! Most men want to be around fun women, who will push the boundaries and bring in a “fun factor” a little freak neva hurts a situation either!
Confident chicks will win out every time!
By Foots
August 13, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
LL I find that more and more women will shield who they really are, because of fear that that man will not accept them for who they really are
Do you think that this may happen in some cases because some men don’t really expect women to be women, meaning who we are mentally and emotionally, and therefore cannot appreciate the differences between the sexes? Some men want women to act like men in many ways. I ask because we hear often how men don’t want women to get emotionally involved with sex (that’s what women do), how men don’t like the fact that a woman can be emotional (yes, women have hormonal fluctuations from time to time), how men expect women to not look for deeper meaning to what men say (women are intuitive and often try to intuit what is meant from what is said), etc. When women are quiet with each other, it means that something is wrong (or that we’ve run out of things to say), and when something is wrong, we talk about it. Can a man really understand and accept why a woman sometimes feels the need to bridge the silence gap when she is with him?
When anyone, man or woman, cannot truly accept that there are differences between us and continually try to change the other person into being what they would like for them to be and how they would like for them to behave, what is the usual result? Do people who want to be accepted by someone who can’t accept their true nature try to hide their nature, or do they expose their true nature and try to find someone who can accept them?
Hopefully, it’s the latter, and you’ll find that men will grow more accepting of the things that make women women, even the parts that they don’t really understand. That way, there will be no need to hide anything.
By abc
August 13, 2008 11:28 AM | Link to this
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc… I understand that some women think of that as being nurturing, but to me, it sounds like being a maid. Of course, the motivation for so doing is different for someone actually hired to be a maid, but the duties are the same. I have learned that to discount a woman’s perspective on the value of such ‘nurturing’ is to invite a cast iron skillet to land on one’s head. Likewise, if a man doesn’t show up and pitch in on the same things that the same woman will call nuturing, i.e. a man had better do some housework (it’ll never be adequate though), he’s going to get the same skillet upside his head.
I tend to think that women are great at nurturing children, who need such attention, but misplace the idea of doing the same thing for men. Men neither want nor need such so-called nurturing. It’s a fallacy, anyway.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 11:29 AM | Link to this
why are you guys surprised by us switchin’ up from cold to hot? this is the way we are … daily. there’s the extreme and not so. go back and read that 11:22 again. He made us like this on purpose.
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 11:30 AM | Link to this
Morning Folks!
I was talking to a guy about this the other day and he said ‘you women are complicated’ and I agreed. I know my relationship self is different than my single self - there’s no way we can be the same. There are many different facets to me and you won’t see all of them until certain circumstances bring them out. It’s as simple as that.
Certain events/people bring out different reactions from me. That’s not me changing, that’s just another part of Tazzee being revealed.
Now to seriously address For Real’s post:
i) you lie to yourselves (i.e. makeup, pushup bras, weave, contacts, hair color, control top, high heels etc); That’s not lying to myself - I know what I look like before I put on that bra and I prefer how I look in a shirt after I put on that bra. Now you may say I’m lying to a man, but if a man doesn’t know by now that a 38 year old woman’s breasts are going to droop when she takes of the bra - then he needs to catch a clue.
ii) have no accountability (i.e. ain’t no good men, it’s a man shortage, he didn’t treat me right, he was a dawg, he used me, he ruined my credit, he couldn’t handle me, he got me pregnant etc…); I must agree that there are some women who feel this way. I can’t say that I fall into that category. Just last night I was talking to a guy about my choice to abstain and he said he would never even try to have sex with me because he didn’t want me mad at him. I explained to him that in those times when I did ‘slip’ and have sex, it happened because I wanted it to and not once did I blame the guy. Even when I get my heart broke - I look at it from the standpoint of what did I do to fall for the okey doke, or at what point didn’t I follow my intuition.
iii) want a gold star or some sort special recognition for doing what adults are suppose to, Again, there are some women that do this - particularly as it comes to raising children alone or taking care of herself, but that is not the case with me. Any gold stars I get are the ones I give myself. I don’t need anyone to toot my horn.
iv) the changes in your emotional states from moment to moment (i.e. happy, sad, trapped, free, excited, hopless, angry, sexy, too fat, too skinny, pretty, ugly, confident, insecure, scared, strong, in a rut, willing, unwilling, etc…) That’s just part of our make-up. Some of it is hormonal and some is not. Men don’t want to accept it, but that’s just how we are and at some point you men have to stop trying to change that part of us. Some women can fake the funk for a while - may even fake it until she reaches the altar, but after a while, this change is going to manifest. So don’t get mad at us if you get duped by it.
By mqew
August 13, 2008 11:31 AM | Link to this
Dan When can we just hear that
Mornin peeps…. I love it! Sounds like women are beating the chests round here. It sounds like someone is being good abc know this is a topic you hold true to heart ;-)
Is this what yall have to deal with as a single person? Men that don’t know that women can and will be crazy?
I mean really, yall know yall had to question your mother be thinkin that heifer is off her rocker as a youngin.
Since we have to navigate through the madness, we do what we do. It amazes me how some think that we’re suppose to respond to life love and the pursuit of happiness like men…. that of which we are not….
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this
Longtime Lurker i hear you. just venting.
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
ABCYou asked a question and we attempted to answer, but as always you’re dismissive and condescending to all who are beneath your IQ level. I apologize for looking like a chicken while flying amongst the eagles.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
So let me get this straight:
In relation to have we met?
You ladies are saying you haven’t met you or the you that you can/will become on a given day?
woooooowwwww
By For Real
August 13, 2008 11:35 AM | Link to this
Raqi the problem is men don’t want to believe that we actually experience hormonal changes during that time
No men understand the hormonal changes and we know they exist because we are on the end of the majority of its ish.
And he needs to understand we have no full control of the emotional rollercoaster. There is only so much adjusting we can do to try to tame it.
Now here is where we have the problem with yall, funny how you say you don’t have “full control of the emotional rollercoaster” yet when you are at work you are able to control those very same emotions that you claim to us that you cannot. If you can control them at work then you dayumm well can control them at home. There isn’t a woman on this blog that would date man that said due “to hormonal reasons I can’t control my emotions so when I cuss yo azz out or slap the enamel off your teeth, don’t hold it against me it’s just my hormons.” Like I said how can you be honest with yourselves or conduct a self-actualization when you have no accountability for yourselves?
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
Great post on your 11:22 SexyCool. I co-sign on it all, except for #6 since it hasn’t happened for me yet.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this
…Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc… I understand that some women think of that as being nurturing I feel sorry for any woman who thinks that’s being nurturing.
Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that nurturing is best done with children. Providing nourishment to children. I simply was trying to find “nourishment” toward an adult.
By John Doe
August 13, 2008 11:40 AM | Link to this
Self actualization? And just WHO is the self?
A woman has to deal with reality as her sexual self “actualizes” during her first period of menstration at age 12 or 13, which the Chinese Gymnasts at the Beijing Olympics have obviously never experienced..
Men never have to face any reality at all, except about how good it feels.
The woman is human being, of whose attributes include escapism, which includes getting drunk and dancing like a skank-ho…or laughing at pathetic attempts at humor by horny men, who are only trying to be funny because Cosmopolitan magazine surveys told them that all women admire a sense of humor first, then the wallet, then the prowess, then the virtue, then the eyes, (insert eyeroll here).
A woman is complex only because we’re all complex, that is, we cant stand being in the company of ourselves, and we always pick we, dont we?
Google this.
We only despise in others what we see in them of ourselves. We ultimately become that which we most despise.
None of us have a chance.
I’m available, BTW, Wisediva.
By cutielocs
August 13, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
Interesting topic. Nothing irks me more than watching one of my girlfriends change to make themselves fit with a guy. My best friend has a tendancy to become clingy and whiny to her bf, especially if he has a dominating personality. Another friend of mine decided she wanted the guy she was interested in to think she was a sports buff so she researched the stats for his favorite team and recited them at apprpriate times during the game. Imagine his surprise when he bought them tickets for a f-ball game and she was completely uninterested in going. I think at some level we all put our best foot forward when we first meet someone, but that is completely different than changing who you are to be “compatible”. It really comes down to being comfortable in your skin and accepting the fact that you may or may not mesh with every guy you meet, but that’s okay. Just my humble opinion.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this
For Real….
Dropping knowledge!
I like that!
By abc
August 13, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
I don’t think I’m dismissive or condescending. I just put it out there.
Tell me, what is it about cooking and all that that is nurturing? I know my girl feels that way about it, she’s a better cook than I am, and she enjoys providing that for us — but is that nurturing? Is my holding down a job nurturing, too?
To me, it’s just both of us doing what we need to do to live. I’d take her out every night of the week, it’s all the same to me, except I know she has some self-value placed on her ability to provide excellent meals, and I like her cooking. She’s not the maid, though.
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 11:42 AM | Link to this
SexyCool your 11:03 was so on point. The funny thing is, men want us to be able to switch it up. How many times have we heard we need to leave that Corporate competitive spirit at work? Makes me think of that book that woman wrote about the many different roles women have to play in life.
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
For Real
LMAO for that 11:35 post…that is soooooo true. We know, we even try to be understanding…but one can only hide so long and take so much ish before we shoot back.
There was a radio show years ago called “Red Neckerson” (satire). He said he was watching one of those old Wolfman movies where the guy needed to be chained to the wall in the basement until the full moon passed. Said he was watching when he found himself thinking about his wife’s PMS…
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
for real If you can control them at work then you dayumm well can control them at home.
then if i ask you a question … answer!
if we are having a discussion … don’t walk away!
if i really need us time … don’t say after this goes off!
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this
Never being one who suffered greatly from PMS to begin with, being on the pill and therefore eliminating ovulation pretty much ended PMS for me.
If I’m moody it’s because you’ve put me in a bad mood and not one to hold things in, I’ll let you know so that nothing festers and explodes. Acknowlegding my annoyance to the person who caused it doesn’t mean everyone gets the wrath either, just the source. LOL
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 11:48 AM | Link to this
for real…for me and only speaking for me…
realizing that my mood swings and some of the issues that i was CREATING FOR MYSELF…whether it was in my relationship, on my job or just dissatisfaction with my life in general…were because i was not in tune with my body and was UNAWARE that SOME of what i was experiencing was being affected by my hormones…
please believe that once i became educated on how the phases of my cycle were affecting me and i was diagnosed with PMDD that i was better able to manager my behaviour…
so…FOR ME…this was a step towards self actualization…and towards owning my own sh!t…
unlike some statements that have been made…i will not ever say that i cannot control my behaviour…for me, the varuable is the change brought about my fluctuating levels of hormones during the different phases of my cycle…most notably the luneal phase…
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 11:49 AM | Link to this
For Real Your IV points are most prevalent with those whose immaturity rivals their insecurities and that’s obviously a precursor to instability, so I’ll concede that if you find a nutjob, she’ll embody most of those qualities. But I will counter with how come some men constantly suggest women review their selection/qualification processes when complaining about who we fished outta the sea… but then feel free to scrutinize & criticize the flaws in their catches, while never reviewing their own methods.
To address your questions… What’s inside of me has the most impact on the me I project. Which explains why some folks will never ‘get’ you. But intangibles are often lost on those who allow themselves to be defined by other folks’ tangibles: Cosmo’s standard of beauty, Co-Worker’s success, Essence’s ingredients to a perfect relationship, Your Mom/Dad as perfect mate…
Perhaps your simple just so happens to be my complicated. What’s simple to you? When you can reach harmony of thought or action w/ the least amount of effort (as in resistance) it’s beautiful. Just not always possible. I see contentment not as a bad thing, but more as a good enough thing to satisfy you at the time. But I see happiness as an elevated form of contentment. In the extreme, contentment yields one of my favorite words…BLISS. What people must understand and respect is this — Your contentment may be my happiness, but the next person’s bliss.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
AR
Poppa G, oh I know full well that you probably grate her nerves quite frequently. You’re a guy. LOL ;-)
Just like TBS….Very funny…. ;-)
Seriously, though. Its a fact of life, we are different. She wants to talk about everything. She’s a Delta like you she loves to talk and eat.
However, the positives outweigh the negatives.
I am fully aware of the hormonal issues that we all have. After all, men have an ebb-and-flow to our hormones as well. Therefore, I try to understanding, but it can be difficult at times.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
abc Very few men intentionally misrepresent…If most women tell the truth, they are able to spot a snake from miles away…But Dayum us snake’s words can make them turn a blind eye and do some amazing things, LOL
If you don’t believe me ========>SEE EVE.
By mqew
August 13, 2008 11:52 AM | Link to this
For Real If you can control them at work then you dayumm well can control them at home
Double standards was coined for a reason because they exist DUH
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 11:53 AM | Link to this
abc, why you resting on that cooking, cleaning nurturing bit? Not one person on here said that’s a form of nuturing. If someone has used those examples to you, go back and ask that person. I understand your stance on nurturing but please stop with the “basics” of taking care of home! Ok, here it comes….
By Demi
August 13, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this
I think that the only totally sane woman I have ever known was a lesbian I worked and was friends with…at least she KNEW what she wanted ;-).
A true statement for the most part.
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
abc my definition of nurturing is being caring and supportive by nature. Most women tend to do this in all types of relationships. Men…not so much.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
@Sexy
I’m not diminishing hormone changes…but like For Real said before I said it no man could be or would be excused by a woman for the very hormone changes that change your personalities. Just wouldn’t happen.
Yes, you can leave that corporate competitiveness at the office, where apparently you’ve left the control of your emotions.
I’m just saying, a woman should be about learning her body and herself from the time the hormonal changes start. When [you] can’t, we’re expected to merely accept it which we do, then we’re asked to not react to the drastic swings and the temperments that come with them which we do, all the while- you accept no responsibility, take no steps (counseling, medication, et al) to correct the issue.
Does that seem like equmenity to you?
By Foots
August 13, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
Tazzee You raise a good point that needs clarifying from men.
On one hand, we have: If you can control them at work then you dayumm well can control them at home.
On the other hand, we have: Leave your controlling work self at work, and just be my woman when you get home.
From what we’ve heard, it seems as though men expect women to be different at home than they are at work. But at the same time, men expect women to be the same person that they are at home as they are at work.
That can get a little confusing.
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this
twocents…speak on it!!!
By tanker
August 13, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this
I was in a relationship with a woman whom I first met in 1995. We stated a relationship in 1998.. We are in our mid 60’s now. I knew she had a slpit personality, but last year, Sept 2007,, she started calling her old high school sweetheart, whose heart she broke in high school. She had decided to date a football player so she would be more popular, broke his heart. Well, he has been married and divorced 3 times, she was married once, but didn’t want to commit to me as far as marriage goes. She ,being a heavy heavy wine drinker started this phone relationship with him last Oct (while under the influence) and committed to meeting him and staying with him while at their H.S.reunion in Eastern Ga. She just kinda forgot that we had a relationship going and dumped me. That broke my heart, and still has. I don’t think she realized what she was doing , but she could not back down so as to not be embarrased by her promises and also it gave her more to brag about to her girlfriends. He now drives 150 miles on week-ends to be with her in SW Atlanta, She will barely communicate with me, as though I never existed. I hate the dual personality thing. I have since figured out that he was probably already coming to be with her when she would tell me she was busy on the week-end. She pulled something similar in 2006, but with her best friends ex-husband. I guess what it boils down to, is that you cannot trust anyone, especially someone with a split personality, be man or woman. These people use people like me to get their kicks, knowing they will be with someone else every chance they get. They have no shame.
By mqew
August 13, 2008 11:57 AM | Link to this
Atlady I apologize for looking like a chicken while flying amongst the eagles. Teeheheeeheee
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 11:58 AM | Link to this
My my, we’ve got some wordy responses today. From my skimming, they seem to be pretty solid tho, in terms of debate (not saying I agree with most of it). LOL
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this
like ARed I’ve never really suffered from major PMS. I do get a little more emotional during that time (I’m emotional all the time) and may crave certain foods but for the most part - I know what it is and can control it if needed.
For Real again, you said we can control it at work why not at home…make up your minds men - do you want the work us, or the home us? Because at work we are all about business, getting ish done, competitive, unfeeling, etc. Now if you want us to be that way at home - we can… Well actually we can’t - that mode is unnatural and when we get home, we want to relax all that - and the emotions may come out. Controlling those emotions at all times is not who we are. Like I said earlier - you may get a woman that does that for a while (until the altar) but don’t be mad when it comes out eventually, because that is woman.
And truth be told, when it gets real heavy at work I close my door and get real emotional. I get in a good cry, go to the restroom and attempt to get my eyes looking right and get right back to work.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this
“Longtime Lurker”
I am passing Patron on your 1049
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 12:02 PM | Link to this
ForReal controlling your emotions and controlling your actions are two separate things.
When my hormones make me feel sad or irritated, I feel that way no matter where I am or who I am with. Now how I act it out is something totally different.
By Cemeeli
August 13, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this
Glory Be!
…hot wings, fries, celery and blue cheese are on deck. Enjoy these chips and drinks while you all deliberate.
Have at it, and be nice.
After the ‘round table’ discussion we all need to recognize females carry the nation in our womb. A man getting aggitated b/c she is too “adjustable” can take that up with…AND uptight about giving her 5-7 days to ‘act a fool/nut up/hormone change’, irks him how much?
Quote of the Day:
“I know the “crazy” with which I live.”
Your Honor may I approach the bench?
Waving to folks, and going to lunch
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 12:05 PM | Link to this
Whew, how many of you got close to your screens to read tanker. Don’t know if this truly boils down to “split personality” or just to a conniving woman. She just kinda forgot that we had a relationship going and dumped me. Nope, she didn’t forget. *…could not back down so as to not be embarrased by her promises and also it gave her more to brag about to her girlfriends. This seems to be the gist of her problems…EGO w/a venemous personality! Sorry for your pain. Everyone is not a schemer!
By MLL(mammalongleggs)
August 13, 2008 12:07 PM | Link to this
blog hug for tanker
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
I am first and foremost responsible for my emotional well-being…so whatever level of emotional energy I am contending with, positive or negative…is also my responsibility…so when someone else’s behaviors do not reflect, respect or reciprocate any recognition of nondisrespect for that interest…then I shut down that emotional space and disengage…I do not take out emotional based behaviors on other ppl so I do not feel obligated to accommodate anyone or anything that disrupts my emotional flow…in fact what seems to be more to the fact is how little emotional energy I put into anything…some men are totally befuddled at how little emotion I convey…it is like…uh-huh…so what…is that how you roll…oh, okay…time for me to go…ciao…I have grown and matured to wonderfully and gracefully to allow irrational behaviors to rule my direction…the onlyhting I change are my sheets and my drawers…lol
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 12:09 PM | Link to this
Foots we are >>>>here<<<<
Dan men’s behavior gets excused all the time. As a woman I would prefer that a man not check out every fine woman that passes by - but you men are visual. As long as you look and don’t touch, right?
And what about your egos - we as women have to be constantly cognizant of the male precious ego. How we have to be careful with that ego and stroke it just right like a little kitty.
Let’s not forget that it’s not in a man’s nature to be very emotional or communicative. When you’re stressed out - we must leave you alone and let you work it out in your mind.
Mind you - we don’t always follow these ‘rules’ but they are behaviors that we have to ‘excuse’ if we want to have a healthy relationship with you nutcases.
By mqew
August 13, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
“I know the “crazy” with which I live.”
Yes Poppa forgot to give props for this…
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 12:10 PM | Link to this
dan…see my 1148a…
as to women learning about her body and her hormonal changes…i agree…WE SHOULD…but often we don’t…if momma’nem or grandmomma’nem didn’t teach it…some women don’t know it…i was raised by a grandmother who had be afraid to take a bath when my period started….wth? but that was her level of education and experience…
when you look at a lot of women and the traditions that they were raised with, their levels of education, what they are exposed to, the accessibility to medical care (or lack thereof), socioeconomic levels and so on…there are many, many variables that can play into whether or not a woman possesses the self awareness to realize the effect of hormonal changes on a body…
i can promise you that there are women who YOU KNOW that are not educated as to even the NAME of most parts of her female anatomy, much less their function…
and i could go on…but you get where i am going with this…
and yes…we are responsible for knowing…we should be held accountable for knowing…i, for one, do not believe that hormones are an excuse for any behaviour…i am simply pointing out that SOME women are not aware ENOUGH as to the affect of the hormones on their psyche…
By Demi
August 13, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this
Beautiful stop being insecure sweetie…that shyt ain’t cool…Just do you and throw a middle finger to the world.
By abc
August 13, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
SexyLeggs, those were cited as ways of nurturing by ATL Lady.
I can buy Raqi’s definition as supportive and caring in general, but I tend to think of that as being supportive and caring, not nurturing. To nurture is to protect and assist growth, in some way.
Now, a lot of women will assert that they are nurturing to their men on that very account, but as per the topic (sort of), I think that’s a bit delusional. It may have to do with a woman’t tendency to want to change and re-shape a man into her ideal, as changeable a notion as that may be.
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
Foots Great post! On your 11:28 you covered so much, that I am going to have to break this thing up to address it all.
Do you think that this may happen in some cases because some men don’t really expect women to be women, meaning who we are mentally and emotionally, and therefore cannot appreciate the differences between the sexes?
I think most REAL MEN accept the fact that there are differences between the sexes! Women often confuse BOYS and MEN! Any man who has dealt with a few women knows and appreciates what a REAL woman brings to the table.
Some men want women to act like men in many ways. I ask because we hear often how men don’t want women to get emotionally involved with sex (that’s what women do), how men don’t like the fact that a woman can be emotional (yes, women have hormonal fluctuations from time to time), how men expect women to not look for deeper meaning to what men say (women are intuitive and often try to intuit what is meant from what is said), etc.
WTF?????????? Again, you are confusing BOYS with MEN!!!!!
No reply needed on this issue, because this is a mute point!
When women are quiet with each other, it means that something is wrong (or that we’ve run out of things to say), and when something is wrong, we talk about it. Can a man really understand and accept why a woman sometimes feels the need to bridge the silence gap when she is with him?
Great point! Most MEN understand and accept why a woman sometimes feels the need to bridge the silence gap when she is with him. What women need to understand is that there is a time, place and most of all a way to address issues with said dude and a tactful way to do all of the above! Bring the issue up in a non confrontational way and let your concerns be known in a firm but non threatening way. Give him time to address those concerns and if his answer does not suffice, then readress the issue again and seek a resolution.
When anyone, man or woman, cannot truly accept that there are differences between us and continually try to change the other person into being what they would like for them to be and how they would like for them to behave, what is the usual result?
Another great point! Folks need to realize that you cannot change a grown azz adult first! Second, if that person wants to change, they will change on their own! Third, at this stage in the game, what you meet is what you got!
The quote I like the best is by Maya Angelou…
“When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them”
This is by far the realest comment I have ever heard!
Do people who want to be accepted by someone who can’t accept their true nature try to hide their nature, or do they expose their true nature and try to find someone who can accept them?
Another great question!
Insecurity is the hidden piece in the above question.
Here are your action words accepted can’t accept their true nature try to hide their nature try to find someone who can accept them?
If you are not complete, you cannot complete someone else!
* Hopefully, it’s the latter, and you’ll find that men will grow more accepting of the things that make women — women, even the parts that they don’t really understand. That way, there will be no need to hide anything.*
Men accept women better when they say “Here I am and here are my flaws” UPFRONT!
Issues arise, when women try to cover those flaws and hide those flaws, this creates a distrust with that man. Men want to trust their women, but when you are not honest and play games, he looses respect for you and once he looses respect for you, the relationship is over, but the sex with no attachment continues.
I have spoken in the past about my men putting women in tiers. You will go from a tier 2 to a 4 quick, if you are dishonest! A man does not seek a perfect woman, only a perfect woman for him! With that said, lay your cards on the table, expose your flaws and/or weaknesses and let him decide if he wants to deal with you or not.The same goes for men. That man/woman will most likely appreciate the fact that you were honest and love and respect you more!
By Demi
August 13, 2008 12:13 PM | Link to this
Foots do you have any respect for emotional dudes?
I feel a bit that way about women at times.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 12:14 PM | Link to this
tanker that’s not a split personality, that’s a female who doesn’t know what she wants. it doesn’t matter how old we are, sometimes we can’t figure out what makes up happy. and along the way we’ll learn a lesson or two.
By 2 Can Play That Game©
August 13, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this
split personality, or the ability to wear different hats - and knowing when to put on the appropriate one……some may say that’s being fake, but I say, naw, it’s simply another facet of who I am…….
By Perkle
August 13, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
So glad I am happily married.
I have never pretended in any way to be something I am not. It’s sad that many people feel they have to.
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this
dan…Does that seem like equmenity to you?
i don’t know if i answered the question cause i couldn’t find a definition for equmenity…and yes, i looked it up because i thought you were teaching me a new word…lol…
perhaps you meant equanimity? (and trust, i’m not being a smart butt…)
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 12:20 PM | Link to this
alvin i’m not insecure. i just can’t wait until ppl realize that this is not cute. do you know what venting is? i don’t hate them. it’s just annoying how they go shopping and buy a size small, that’s all. she got her two rolls all showin’. and it’s not business attire. then get mad when a brotha is looking at her twins!
By Foots
August 13, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
Tazzee Truth used to say from time to time that it seemed like women wanted to date men who would be like their girlfriends, which can be true in some cases. No denying that we demand more sensitivity and caring from our mates now than in decades past.
At the same time, men want to date women who act like men, but with feminine faces and bodies. No emotion, no attachment, no talking, less showing of affection, unless it’s sex. There is no denying either that men demand more masculine qualities from women now than in decades past.
So what do we do now? Seems like everybody wants to date themselves. mqew’s statement goes both ways:
It amazes me how some think that we’re suppose to respond to life love and the pursuit of happiness like men…(or women). that of which we are not…
Are men and women still allowed to be different (not superior or inferior, just different) and be accepted in spite of those differences?
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 12:21 PM | Link to this
I agree with the sentiment that for the most part, many men can’t accept as fact that which they don’t understand which leads to them discounting it’s validity. While I don’t experience/suffer from PMS, I can empathize with those who do. I’ve heard men chalk what they perceive as unpleasant behavior, bad attitude to PMS b/c that’s what it equates to them. An “excuse” for us to act or talk crazy.
Beautiful Are you still off the market? Are the men even your type? If either answer is No, then why is it even vent-worthy?
abc What’s an example of something your lady does or can do to make you feel nurtured or nourished. Believe I recall your mentioning your gift giving is usually one sided, but it’s clear you’re not about that kinda stuff anyway. And from what you describe as ‘maid’ activities, it seems that doesn’t do it either. That’s very interesting to me b/c in the couple instances that a guy said it doesn’t really matter to him that I love to cook, it threw me. Even more so when a guy who just doesn’t like sports because I do see it as a sign of affection to prepare, serve, share meals. So just wondering where her ‘in’ is.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this
Tazzee
Don’t act like y’all don’t look. I know my wife was checkin’ out Idris Elba when we saw him at Phipps recently.
Heck, she was checkin’ me out when she met me. I caught looking down at something that wasn’t my eyes. Y’all are just better at it so that you don’t get caught.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 12:25 PM | Link to this
Demi do you have any respect for emotional dudes?
Do you have any respect for hard, unfeeling women? That type of question is hard to answer because I don’t hinge my respect for an individual on their emotional state. A person is more than their emotions. It’s more of a person’s actions that would cause me to either lose or gain respect for them, male or female.
Would I choose a dude who cried because “Friends” went off the air? No. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have a female friend who cried at the drop of a hat either. It’s not my style of person. Doesn’t mean that I respect them any less.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this
Then if I ask you a question…you already know the answer!!
If we are having a discussion…we already know what you want to discuss. And F/K no your Aunt Me-me, isn’t allowed to visit!
If I really need us time…be more respectful of when you ask for “Us time”. Just leave a note on the T.V. screen and I will get with you shortly
By Dan
August 13, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this
I may have meant:
equaminity
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this
i, for one, do not believe that hormones are an excuse for any behaviour…i am simply pointing out that SOME women are not aware ENOUGH as to the affect of the hormones on their psyche…
This is so very true…I was a person who honestly did not believe that hormone shifts (estrogen dominance) could alter the psychological and emotional temperment so drastically…until I had to deal with it…these are biochemically motivated behaviors and any imbalance impacts physical, psychological and emotional behaviors…but just like any other biochemical imbalance, I am still responsible for dealing with what is happening to me and my body…that it is real is still no excuse for unchecked, carte blanche be a beetwitch behaviors…I truly dislike when I hear women excuse their nastiness to hormones…yeah, right…I have had to learn what the triggers are, internally and expternally, and then I have had to learn to excert control over them in order to minimize the impact on my temperment…not always easy, but still quite doable.
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 12:31 PM | Link to this
PoppaG LOL - yeah you got me with that one. But y’all can’t control your looking…
By mqew
August 13, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this
Foots … and the funny thing is, you/we/i love it. I love men being them disgusting selves… love it. And they love us as well… thas what’s cool, that we bring so much diff stuff to the table, but ultimately, we want to do it together
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 12:33 PM | Link to this
I caught looking down at something that wasn’t my eyes.
PG - Was it your wallet? LOL
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this
Foots You know I have yet to actually meet a guy that wants a “man acting” woman. Of all the men I know personally, while they deem us complicated and a bit crazy, they wouldn’t have us be like a man.
By abc
August 13, 2008 12:34 PM | Link to this
If anything, it’s the reverse, mytwocents. I provide her the freedom and opportunity to do and be anything she wants. She’s my favorite companion. That summarizes what it’s about.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 12:35 PM | Link to this
blog SLAP for tanker…hell where you thinking mayne?!
“Imma reform this crazy chick with my love”
NEWSFLASH!!: You ain’t Jesus!!
tanker is now attemping to run Demi down with his Oldsmobile
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this
Thanks for the clarification abc. Most have missed that post. Now I understand!
Growing up I didnt’ suffer through the emotional rollercoaster by PMSing. I don’t rattle easily. If I’m in a bad mood I try my best to stay to myself. My hormones have shifted and I now have my own “private summers”. I cannot sit anywhere and let a man guess “WTF” is wrong w/me on any given day because most often he’ll be off base. So, through all the ups and downs of men and women being different (and I’m so glad we are), I’ll simply come out and state what’s wrong me and put the “hormonal change guessing game” away.
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 12:37 PM | Link to this
I’m just getting to this, abc…* I’d take her out every night of the week, it’s all the same to me, except I know she has some self-value placed on her ability to provide excellent meals, and I like her cooking.* I think you’ve said she doesn’t have to work, either. Not sure if she still chooses to do so, but if she doesn’t, getting her gourmet chef on probably helps occupy her mind. But does that mean you find her presence alone adds enough value to feel she’s enhanced your life? Now wondering which bucket you fall into content, happy or blissful?
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 12:38 PM | Link to this
If I really need us time…be more respectful of when you ask for “Us time”. Just leave a note on the T.V. screen and I will get with you shortly.
I thankfully have a wife that has understood this.
I didn’t like pop quizzes in high school and I don’t like them much better now.
Sometimes its simply about being able to be in the right frame of mind.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this
LL I think most REAL MEN accept the fact that there are differences between the sexes! Women often confuse BOYS and MEN! Any man who has dealt with a few women knows and appreciates what a REAL woman brings to the table
I believe that we have many BOYS here and that’s a problem, you’re correct. It’s very seldom that we hear anything about the positive contribution that a woman can provide to a man’s life from the men (i’m swiss does take the time to tell what it is about his woman that is pleasant and pleasing to him), it’s mostly negative tidbits rooted in the difference in the sexes (i.e. she’s emotional, she talks too much).
What women need to understand is that there is a time, place and most of all a way to address issues with said dude and a tactful way to do all of the above! Bring the issue up in a non confrontational way and let your concerns be known in a firm but non threatening way.
This is always a good thing to remember, but I think that Dan’s original beef was that women break the silence at all. Not that there is a particular issue to be brought up and discussed. For example, I have had to learn to be content with riding in silence in the car sometimes. I know that’s when my SO thinks. If I can adjust my behavior to his way occasionally, it follows that he should be able to adjust to mine. Fortunately, he does.
With that said, lay your cards on the table, expose your flaws and/or weaknesses and let him decide if he wants to deal with you or not.The same goes for men. That man/woman will most likely appreciate the fact that you were honest and love and respect you more!
I agree wholeheartedly. This is the only way to have the type of intimacy we desire in relationships. But to get here, we have to weed out those who really want to date clones of themselves and not a separate individual, with ways, thoughts and feelings of their own.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this
mytwo because i see it everyday. what not to wear. the men that approach them only want one thing … fun and sex as LL said. not marriage. then they sit and complain and wonder why.
By melo
August 13, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this
Mind you - we don’t always follow these ‘rules’ but they are behaviors that we have to ‘excuse’ if we want to have a healthy relationship with you nutcases lurking but enjoyed and agree with that…..
By SexyCool
August 13, 2008 12:42 PM | Link to this
so…leggs…if you’re having a hot flash and a man sees you sweating and fanning in 40 degree weather and asks you what’s wrong…your response is going to be…”oh, i’m just menopausal.”?
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this
@Raqi Ditto on your 12:34! The only two types of dudes who want a woman who acts like a man is either a gay dude or a mommas boy who cannot take care of him self.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this
**I may have meant:
equaminity** - Really, when will you know for sure…just curious. I chuckle at words people use. Your “may have” implies you’re not sure. Don’t mean to pick on you but that struck me as ???
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this
Tazzee
PoppaG LOL - yeah you got me with that one. But y’all can’t control your looking…
Hence, I said that y’all are better at it.
AR
Was it your wallet?
Nawl, I don’t lead with my wallet or send pics from Miami. Well, there was this one time in band camp…..
Actually, I am a money clip man. I got a personalized one as a groomsman’s gift. She saw it when I bought her an apple martini. But it only had a Jackson in it.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 13, 2008 12:47 PM | Link to this
Beautiful Thick…or a fat girl in denial that calls herself thick? LOL I go nuts if somebody calls me thick because of that! Don’t put me in that category! LOL
By Dan
August 13, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this
@Leggs
I’ll know when I read the post…
Sometimes, I just be typing….
Take that, take that
Dan now doing the ‘95 Puffy tap dance to lunch….
By Foots
August 13, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this
Raqi You know I have yet to actually meet a guy that wants a “man acting” woman.
I have, but it’s usually around sex, emotions, and frequency of conversation. They want quiet women who can have no-strings attached sex like dudes and save the emotional attachment. And if the relationship goes bad, to not have any reaction that he may deem negative or overly emotional.
It’s good that you haven’t run across men like this. You’d need to run.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this
PG - I was just a joke. And funny thing, I was about to say “money clip” but erred on the side of the more popular of the two.
Glad you don’t lead with that money clip tho! LOL
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 12:53 PM | Link to this
Raqi
You know I have yet to actually meet a guy that wants a “man acting” woman.
They exist.
Those that do usually just want a “bust it baby”, not a real relationship.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 12:56 PM | Link to this
Beautiful good point!! I should have said,”That was an insecure comment you made.” LOL
By Foots
August 13, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this
mqew You’re right. We love it. I love all the ways that he is so different from me, some due to his maleness and some due to his oddities. Married and older women tell me “They ALL crazy, you just have to find the crazy you can deal with”, and I understand what they mean. Some things are just the way a man does them and you have to accept that to accept him. It’s really changed the quality of my relationships when I’ve learned to appreciate the differences.
I was telling him the other day about a woman I thought my male cousin would like. My girlfriends would have asked about her personality, what I liked about her, why I thought they’d be a good match. His first question: Does she have a big booty? They just different. LOL!
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this
stac you are no where near thick or fat. you have a very nice shape. these females are not fat, but close. they are a xlarge stuffed in a shirt made for me.
poppa i was thinking more along the lines of him surfing the internet. if he’s watchin’ the game, i would not want him to stop right then and there and do me. i can wait.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
AR
PG - It was just a joke. And funny thing, I was about to say “money clip” but erred on the side of the more popular of the two.
No problem. As far as the money clip thing, your first instinct is usually the correct one.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 1:00 PM | Link to this
Big Poppa They exist. Those that do usually just want a “bust it baby”, not a real relationship.
Yeah, I think we were posting the same thought at the same time. For women who haven’t met a guy like this, I say congratulations!!
By Carmel
August 13, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
MELO u africian correct? Is it true that Africian men are possessive?
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 1:02 PM | Link to this
Foots and Poppa I know plenty of men who want a “bust it baby” or “no strings”, but I am talking about men who actually want a relationship with a woman. Not a FWB.
A real man loves and appreciates a real woman. Quirks, habits, annoyances and all. And the other way around.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 1:03 PM | Link to this
Foots All the same bey…you wouldn’t deal with any person who doesn’t have a grip on their emotions
I think a lot of men are that way…could that be one of the reasons men keep bouncing around from house to house until that can found the woman they can actually put up with for the long haul?
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this
*Well I know it wasn’t you who held me down Heaven knows it wasn’t you who set me free So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains And we never even know we have the key
But me, I’m already gone And I’m feelin’ strong I will sing this vict’ry song ‘Cause I’m already gone Yes, I’m already gone And I’m feelin’ strong I will sing this vict’ry song ‘Cause I’m already gone Yes, I’m already gone Already gone All right, nighty-night*
My hum thought for the day…a reminder that I have the key…wow…30 years ago I would not have thunk myself to be there…and it is all good…that is how I express my emotional attitudes through me music…wow!
By mqew
August 13, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this
Foots They ALL crazy, you just have to find the crazy you can deal with” YES LAWD ;-) Mommy told me that a minute ago prolly when she realize she shouldn’t have divorced daddy
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this
Beautiful
i was thinking more along the lines of him surfing the internet. if he’s watchin’ the game, i would not want him to stop right then and there and do me. i can wait.
Even if he is surfing the interweb, give him some time to be in the right frame of mind. If you want him to give you a meaningful answer let him be in the mindframe to deal with whatever maybe on your mind.
As I stated before, I play XBOX to clear my mind. Many women may dismiss it as wasting time or something; however, my woman knows that it is vital to my mental health. It is one of my mental escapes. Just like reading is for her. That’s where knowing your mate becomes important.
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this
@Beautiful Marriage is purely an OPTION to most dudes!
I have said many times, that just because you as a woman sees yourself as a good woman and a great candidate for a wife, that does not matter to a dude!
A dude has to be (a)ready to commit (b)see you as a viable candidate for marriage (c) he clearly sees the benefits and advantages of marrying you (d)sees the longterm value in marrying you (e) most of all, you represent something he has not found or come across in the past, with other women!
What drives most women nuts is that they can control everything in their lives except when or if marriage happens!
Atlanta and other cities are full of viable candidates for a guy to marry, but why buy the cow when the milk is free!
What women need to also understand is that most of y’all are selfish as hell and the process of meeting, dating and ultimately getting married has a lot to do with your attitude, learning curve, contributions, background, potential and overall value to that relationship!
If you would take the time to learn each man individually and make the situation less about you and more about him, you will get what you want in the end and both of you will be happy, but you have to learn to be submissive and humble.
There is no real pressure for men to get married and most men see marriage as an option, unless they meet a mate who can clearly show her value longterm and make living without her a non-option!
Remember this, women control when and if dating will take place. Men control when and if marriage will take place!
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 1:13 PM | Link to this
A real man loves and appreciates a real woman. Quirks, habits, annoyances and all. And the other way around.
I agree completely Raqi. The embarrassing fact is for men it is that confusion that women cause (those quirks) that often makes them so dayum interesting and attractive. If we could figure you women out it would be like working a Rubik’s cube the first time, no need to work it again.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 1:14 PM | Link to this
Raqi A real man loves and appreciates a real woman. Quirks, habits, annoyances and all. And the other way around.
And that was LL’s point. Not many REAL men out there.
Aside from FWB, I think that some boys masquerading as men expect masculine behavior from women in relationships also. They want the woman to react how he would react, think how he would think. When she behaves according to who she is, he calls her crazy.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 1:16 PM | Link to this
Raqi
You are right. I don’t know any man at actually wants to settle down with a hardbody, hence all the jokes about the WNBA women.
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this
Marriage is an option…for men exclusively????…and what for women it is not equally an option???…oh, I guess that explains why I never want to get married…must be thinking like a man…lol.
By ATL P.Y.T.
August 13, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this
Actually different situations cause for adjustments in behavior. I don’t act the same way around coworkers as I do around friends. It’s because I’m not one dimensional. However, the problem with misrepresenting yourself is one day, the true you will come out! But to be your 100% true self early in a relationship makes you TOO vulnerable. So now what??! I am a believer in being who you are at the core (the things that won’t change) from day one and then easing in to the other things that can change.
It might not be necessary for me to divulge all of my faults (as if I have any…wink) or idiosyncrasies to someone who I may not speak to after a month. So how do I personally balance it? I make sure guys are aware of who I am and what I stand for very early on. In an assertive non aggressive way. Once we’ve reached the level in our relationship where we want to know each other better, I slowly let him know certain things that either hindered a previous relationship or something my jury of peers have pointed out. For example, I can be a little sensitive about text/call response times. I make sure I put that out there in a “pretty package” early; “I’m a communicator”, and if I see he’s not considering it, I’ll bring it up “Remember when I told you I’m big on communication, how do you feel about that? Well i think WE can work on our response times.” Or something like that.
I just think it doesn’t make sense to over-represent yourself because at some point you will have to put up or shut up!
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 1:18 PM | Link to this
What drives most women nuts is that they can control everything in their lives except when or if marriage happens!
This is so true.
By SlimOne
August 13, 2008 1:22 PM | Link to this
Just like you take off your work clothes when you get home to get comfy, you also take off that work persona too…home is supposed to be a place you can be yourself..and if that means walking in da doh slapping everybody in the house, standing in front of the tv with only one knee high on, brandishing the last chicken wang, and eating a scoop of mac-n-cheese out of yo other hand…then so be it.
4Treal There have been times I couldn’t control my emotions at work…take 15 minutes ago for instance. A second “jobstealing’ lady come creeping up to my desk tombout she need to sit wit me to learn my account. I didn’t acknowledge her..I just looked straight ahead and said to myself 3 times…”This is not real, this is just a dream. There is no such thing as a boogey man. I’m gonna count to 10 and when i turn around there betta NOT be nobody standing behind me. 1..2..whew!…3..(now more angrier….FORE….GRRRRR…5!….6…somebody get dis bytch…SEvem….8!..I gotta defecate…9!..den imma wipe my behind…”
By Foots
August 13, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this
LL Remember this, women control when and if dating will take place. Men control when and if marriage will take place!
Well, now, a woman CAN say no when a man proposes marriage. Once he deems that he has found his wife (Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife finds what is good..), a woman must still choose him as her husband. Usually, a man is on his woman’s wavelength enough to know that she will say yes, but plenty a dude has heard “Hellz to the naw”.
So now we have:
Remember this, women control when and if dating will take place. Men control when and if a proposal will take place. Women control when and if a marriage will take place. LOL!!
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this
@m’karyl I am not saying marriage is not an option for women, but again, in most cases women don’t ask a man to marry them!
Also, most women desire to have children and their time for having children ( with a man and not invetro) is limited!
With the above said, any questions?
By Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
August 13, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this
Foots
Can we add “then if the woman says yes, the man needs to RUN!!! JK
I tell my friends that I only have two red flags when it comes to women…1) if she does not want to see me again, that is probably a red flag, 2) if she does want to see me again, that is probably a red flag. :-)
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this
abc Okay. Companionship.
Cemeeli JR Cricketts will be your undoing, I say *@#$&!&%^! Gonna get you off that drug, girl.
Taz Agree, allowances are made on both sides. Compromise is required in most aspects of life.
Angie You said they get more play than you. Asked the fellas if those ladies sounded sexy. Then said “Yea, I’m hatin’.” Didn’t see where they complained bout the attention or root cause of it. And still wondering if they’re even attractive to you cuz I don’t understand why men & women care who folks they have no interest in flirt w/ or pursue. (Like when we spoke of interracials.) Poor fashion sense in general is subjective but unprofessional dress is subject to consequences. If ya truly hatin’ you can report it OR if your truly not, you could gently try to help a sis out.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 1:36 PM | Link to this
Remember this; women control when and if dating will take place. Men control when and if a proposal will take place. Women control when and if a marriage will take place. LOL!!
Sooooooooo…basically men doesn’t have any real control…women just let us think we do…LOL
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this
SexyCool, nope my response would be “nothing going on here but a private summer!”
Thanks Dan for not jumping down my throat!
SlimeOne was talking to a gf last night who had a countdown similar to yours…too funny!
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 1:39 PM | Link to this
LL was all that for me? lol. j/k. yes, i know this thx to kp. i’m just sayin’ …
ared has a little blog crush. lol. am i the only one who sees this?
poppa when i get into a relationship where communication is utilized everyday and is of high importance, then i’ll feel you then. you two have obviously expressed that to one another. some couples don’t and have to figure this out the hard way.
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this
@Longtime Lurker
I was just being silly…I knew what you meant…it is a fact…men are usually the ones to propose…and the women either accept or reject…just met a guy the other day who still has the engagement ring he bought 30 years ago for a woman who did not want to marry him…guess he optioned wrong…lol
By For Real
August 13, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this
Let me see I haven’t read any of the responses but I think I can wing it…
Controlling your emotions: I am sure someone pointed out the fact that emotions and actions are different which is true but I’m sure they are giving reasons why they can’t control their actions resulting from their emotions.
The “Which is it question”: Deals with your attitude at work and your attitude at home. Now what does that have to do with controlling your emotions? Before you answer remember men have to change their attitude once they get home too.
For the “I’m Speaking for Myself Crowd”: When I first wrote the post I asked that you not personalize my post. Yet that is what you did.
For the “Men do this too” crowd: One, the question was about why WOMEN change? Two, you never answered my post. Three, I understand men and women are different hellz they are even spelled differently but that is the reason for all of the questions I posted. I don’t understand and telling we just different doesn’t cut it. How do you expect me to understand a woman’s need if the woman can’t explain the need well enough for me to comprehend?
For the simple for you complicated for me crowd: If 1 + 1 = 2 isn’t simple for you then you have a defect and you should tell it upfront.
I’m guessing that someone has redefined happiness and contentment.: Well if you internalize a word and then redefine it to suit your needs and do not clearly state the new definition of your word, then you deserve everything you get.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 1:46 PM | Link to this
Dang * Randyt* any compromise there (too funny).
Angie don’t start no mess, good convo going on here.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 1:47 PM | Link to this
mytwo it’s not my business and inappropriate for me to say go home and change into something more professional. if i were the boss, i would be irritated at someone coming into my office with this crap. i’m just venting. i don’t understand the trend of wearing something that is not your size.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this
has a little blog crush. lol. am i the only one who sees this?
Yes, because you’re making up stuff again Angie. I don’t have a blog crush on anyone. Rejoin the real world please.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 1:51 PM | Link to this
Demi Sooooooooo…basically men doesn’t have any real control…women just let us think we do…LOL
Like RandyT said, you can always run if she says yes!! But when you propose, remember that you’re not engaged until you hear “yes” from her.
LL I found a fun article about The Marrying Kind of Man about why some men marry and some don’t. It’s basically a synopsis of a book written by a dude. It was odd because no where in the article did it mention that men marry because they’ve found the “right” woman. So much else went into the timing of marriage for “marrying kind” of man: age, education level, whether the singles scene was still fun, etc. So it did highlight what you said about being ready to settle down. We all know that most men don’t marry until they are ready. (Some men and women marry before they are really ready and it’s a disaster, but we aren’t talking about those. Here are some of the interesting points from the article:
% Most men will not even consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. For 80 percent of high school graduates, the minimum age of commitment is twenty-three, whereas for 80 percent of college graduates, it’s twenty-six. The high-commitment period for most college-educated men is from ages twenty-eight to thirty-three. For men who go to graduate school-doctors, lawyers, and the like-the high-commitment period runs from thirty to thirty-six.
% Most men think sowing their wild oats is a rite of passage and will not even contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years.
% Men are most likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene.
% Men have biological clocks. They want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball, and to do the male-bonding thing.
% Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry-nor are they good prospects. Run…fast.
% If any of his male friends have married in the last year or so, there’s a substantially higher chance that he himself will tie the knot within the next two years than if none of his buddies has recently renounced bachelorhood. More than 60 percent of the men we questioned coming out of marriage license bureaus told us they had a friend who had married within the last year.
Interesting stuff…
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
@Foots There is always exceptions, but as a whole, my statement stands!
This thing called dating is a contact sport and a game, so to get in the game and succeed, you have to learn how to take a blow and also learn from your mistakes!
What I see in many women is that they do not learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of their girlfriends! Instead, most women put up a defense with the next dude and sabotage future potential relationships!
To speak from a personal note, very few women I meet truly inspire me or motivate me to want to do more with them. It is the same ole same ole in most cases, so I just go with the flow and not see them as anything other than someone to hang out with and use for target practice.
Most women I meet all want me to chase them and they don’t have anything to offer more than I have already had in the past, so why chase?
I have had the most educated, the finest, the exotics, great jobs, chicks with material possessions, etc., chicks with a plan, but what I have not had is a chick that is all of the above and then some…a true ASSET!!! A chick that can show me how I can grow the franchise into a billion dollar empire!
This is what is lacking in society for men today and the primary reason a lot of real MEN won’t commit or get married!
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
SlimOne you’ve got me cracking up over here, I like that countdown.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
beautiful sittin’ in time-out.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 1:53 PM | Link to this
beautiful sittin’ in time-out.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
For Real Three, I understand men and women are different hellz they are even spelled differently but that is the reason for all of the questions I posted. I don’t understand and telling we just different doesn’t cut it. How do you expect me to understand a woman’s need if the woman can’t explain the need well enough for me to comprehend?
LOL!! It’s good that you can admit that you don’t understand. The advice that was rampant on the day that I was speaking about how much books dedicated to the subject of male-female differences can help those without an understanding of those basic differences was….TALK TO YOUR MATE!!! They are the best one to tell you what their individual needs are. So, if you have a mate, she might be your go-to girl for the “correct” answers you seek.
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 1:57 PM | Link to this
Longtime Agreed on things ‘a dude has to’ in order to wed. Now if those things are all in alignment, why continue to sample the other heifers -since you like the cow analogy- when this one’s milk has more than quenched your thirst?
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this
Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry-nor are they good prospects. Run…fast.
Ain’t that the truth, LOL
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 1:59 PM | Link to this
M’Kary, he hasn’t been able to find someone “worthy enuf” in 30 years. Aww shucks!
It’s no trend Beautiful, this has been going on since the caveman era. Blame it on the mirror. Each mirror is different and people see the darndest things when they look in one.
By Cemeeli
August 13, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this
mqew are all the wings gone?
mytwo…wings and such have an adverse affect on me. What you say ‘bout my mama? I learn how NOT to do PMS watching mom dukes as she morphed during those times. gotta love ‘em
Is it okay to come in now?
By For Real
August 13, 2008 2:01 PM | Link to this
For Real now blowing on Slim’s CT to calm her down. (deep breath, blow, sneeze, spit) Awwww mydayumm Slim.
Foots remember that you’re not engaged until you hear “yes” from her. Den splain to me how Musing ended up married and forced to get a second job instead of blogging?
Ared has a lil blog crush..
For Real: Zippppppppppppp Did you hear that AAD?
African American Dolphin: eek,eek ack, ack
By Foots
August 13, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this
LL I have had the most educated, the finest, the exotics, great jobs, chicks with material possessions, etc., chicks with a plan, but what I have not had is a chick that is all of the above and then some…a true ASSET!!! A chick that can show me how I can grow the franchise into a billion dollar empire!
Hellz, all that sounds good. Throw a penis, some character, and a few other intrinsic qualities that neither time nor villians can steal away into the mix and show us ladies where to line up!! LOL!!
There is always exceptions, but as a whole, my statement stands!
Naw, no exception. You aren’t getting married until she says yes to you.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this
So Foots,
Really? There are no REAL men out there? Hmmm?
That would seem to speak more to your experience than anyone else’s.
@For Real
Did I not tell you that asking women to investigate themselves…will ultimately lead to no real conclusions?
It’s almost innate the “not my fault” mentality that ladies these days have. see my above message to Foots
@Demi
Cuzin, if you believe that men have no control, then why are we blamed for everything wrong in a woman’s life?
@Leggs
No problem
@Slim
Should’ve slapped the beech! Call it self defense and keep it pushin…unless there are cameras
@Beautiful
Do me a favor….get you some and quickly You seem to be losing the grasp on sanity that you have…which was tenous at best to begin with…
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this
So in so many words Longtime real men are looking for sponsors instead of spouses?
By Foots
August 13, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this
For Real Den splain to me how Musing ended up married and forced to get a second job instead of blogging?
He asked her to marry him. She said yes. They got married.
Where’s the disconnect?
By Foots
August 13, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this
Tazzee Here is the passage in the article that it came from:
BAD INVESTMENTS
*There is a possible drawback to dating a man aged forty or older. Many men at that age begin to look at women and marriage as a poor financial investment. There’s no other way of putting it. When you ask them why they’re not married, they tell you they spent most of their lives building a nest egg, and they’re not about to share it with some “babe.” In our interviews, they often used such derogatory terms when speaking of women. They talked as though a woman’s only interest in a man is what she can get out of him. The irony is that many of the men who spoke this way really didn’t have all that much anyway. Today, many of the women whom these men think are after their money earn far more than they do. If a man talks of marriage as a financial game in which women are out to make their fortunes, don’t just walk away-run! Such men are hardly ever going to be the marrying kind.
I’m not suggesting money is a subject that couples shouldn’t discuss when they’re thinking about marriage. All couples need to discuss money, especially when either partner has assets and responsibilities. Just don’t base the discussion on the assumption that either one is out to take advantage of the other.*
By Dan
August 13, 2008 2:14 PM | Link to this
Flip side to that 2:10, Foots
Is that no woman on here has a problem assuming that everyman she meets, wants to sleep with her….
So those problem assumptions cut both ways…
By m'karyl
August 13, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this
@SexyLeggs
Dude is a emotionally cruel piece of work…just in convos with him ( he is a neighbor) I see the glint of anger in his eyes whenever he speaks of his relationships with women…and he holds on to the ring the same way he has held on to the negative emotional experience of that woman’s rejection 30 years ago…which may explain why he has not had any sucessful relationship since then…too much emotionally negative baggage from that rejection…sad way to live ones life…can’t let go and can’t go forward…but to hear him tell it…it is always the woman’s fault…oh well, another aging baby boomer who will grow old alone…aww shucks…lol
By I'm Not The Truth LMAO
August 13, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this
What it do folks?
Beautiful dudes look at chicks that dress like that because they KNOW they have low self esteem and are usually good for a quick nut. The chick out flashing her chest is throwing out her ace of spades. Usaully ain’t shyt but a 3 of diamonds following those nipples. LOL
Fellas, what does that say about you if a chick holds her tongue at work due to pms but comes home to unleash it on you? Not a good situation at all. In these situations it is best to remedy this problem with a quickness. If not it will ultimately come back to doom your relationship. No cat with a backbone can listen to that nonsense.
Really it’s all about drives. When dog training my dog really wants to bite the bad guy, until I try to break his neck and then survival mode kicks in. You need to understand that womans drives so you can extinguish that need to dump on you and replace it with something else, something more pleasant. Don’t feel bad about it either, her boss knows her drive to eat overrides her desire to scratch his eyes out. LOL
Also, it is well within your rights to demand she control her emotions. She asks you to control your deep seated desire to knock off anything with a wet patch and nipples. Or just agree that she can spaz out during pms because you’ll be off trying to fugg her gf, who isn’t nutrolling.
For Real that 1022 was on point.
Foots most guys I know that marry do so because they are lonely by themselves. They marry out of weakness instead of strength. And if alot of dudes understood the financial ramifications of marrying there would be even less marriages. Feel good in knowing you can get some dudes wrapped up in emotion and quality booty and get him to do what you want. LOL
Dan/For Real both of you know dam well as soon as you try to figure out a chick you’ve wasted your time. In the end do what you do and how you do it. If she’s for you she’ll roll with it. If not she’l bounce, however, if not she was going to find a reason to bounce anyway.
It’s dreary and I want my second nap.
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this
sexy as long as she thinks she looks good, that’s all that matters. just wanted to get it off my chest.
This is what is lacking in society for men today and the primary reason a lot of real MEN won’t commit or get married!
i disagree. i know a lot of women where if you BOTH work together to build that empire, you will have what you desire.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this
Dan Really? There are no REAL men out there? Hmmm?
Where did I say that there were no REAL men out there? Or did you misunderstand what was said? To LL’s point about REAL men understanding and accepting the differences between men and women, I agreed and said that there must not be many REAL men because few do. My statement was not related to my experiences, but the constant gripes we hear here about why women are the way they are. I can further explain if you still don’t understand the context.
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this
Foots thanks for sharing that.
The irony is that many of the men who spoke this way really didn’t have all that much anyway. Today, many of the women whom these men think are after their money earn far more than they do.
I love it!!!
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this
MytwocentsI was put in a position similar to what you were referring with Beautiful. I was asked by someone in management to go to a co-worker and ask her to ‘tone down her dress.’ (She usually came to work looking like she just got off work at the strip club). He asked because we were the only people of color working in this office and her skill level was to the point that he wanted to put her in a position that gave her more responsibility, but other managers didn’t liked the way she dressed coming to work. I tried to get out of the task, but he felt I could put in such a way she would not be offended. Guess what?? She was offended. Then she used everything from my size (I wore an 18 at the time) to religion (nickname at the job was Sistah so and so) to take me to task. When I got back with said mgr. and told him about the exchange, let’s just say we didn’t have much to talk about from that point on. Almost 6 weeks to that day later she was relieved of her duties.
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 2:21 PM | Link to this
@Foots Believe this, if I get to the point of asking, there is a very high chance(95 percent)she will accept!
mytwocents Its the mans nature as a hunter to stay on the hunt until he has either gotten tired of the hunt or he has found the best chick for his situation!
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this
I can actually remember the days when most men considered wife material to be a woman that would love him unconditionally, support his dream, bare his babies and not bleed him dry. (In so many words)
Now a woman has to be not only a member of the Fortune 500 but the founder also. smh
By mqew
August 13, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this
Ceemee Hey watt unt me, but they are history….
african american dolphin LOL
By Demi
August 13, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this
I will admit. There was time I was totally clueless when it came to women and their emotions. Growing up, I thought women only develop emotional feelings toward men that are dang near text book perfect and as long as I did not meet any of those requirements, I was free to mess around with as many women as I like.
Issssshid, until ol’girl (she was fine as hellz) put that gun to my head and ask if I was ready to meet Jesus.
I was 25 then, so I know better now.
Demi would like to take the time out and thank all my lesbian ladies for teaching me the do’s and don’ts of dating women.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 2:26 PM | Link to this
@Foots
Upon further inspection, I concede that the interpreted context was incorrect.
My apologies…
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 2:28 PM | Link to this
Truth
What’s up oh militant one?
both of you know dam well as soon as you try to figure out a chick you’ve wasted your time. In the end do what you do and how you do it. If she’s for you she’ll roll with it. If not she’l bounce, however, if not she was going to find a reason to bounce anyway.
This bears repeating.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this
I’m just over here chuckling to myself that on a day of “self-actualization” Truth posts under the name “I’m not the Truth” which is what the blog trolls had been saying all along.
I told y’all I was easily amused, LOL
By mqew
August 13, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
In the end do what you do and how you do it
YES
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 2:33 PM | Link to this
dan is that so?
By Dan
August 13, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this
@Truth/PG
Okay…I’m convinced….
I find myself no longer burdened about caring anymore…karma be damned…
I am unleashed…
Thanks fellers!!!
By Foots
August 13, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this
Dan Is that no woman on here has a problem assuming that everyman she meets, wants to sleep with her…. So those problem assumptions cut both ways…
Take that up with the author of the book where that excerpt came from. I didn’t post any of my own opinion.
That’s also why you can’t count too much on what blog men say, since many times, you (collectively) have asserted that yes, men want to sleep with you…maybe not right away, maybe not the most important thing…but yes, they do. Shoot, I don’t want to sleep with every man I meet either. Some I’m not attracted to, some I can’t because I’m in a relationship, some I could but for whatever reason, I’m not going to. I have to assume that men are the same way.
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 2:40 PM | Link to this
@Raqi On your 2:05, Real men don’t need sponsors, they need partners, luva’s, homies and friends all locked up in one helluva kewl chick with benefits!
A real man can support his own and needs a real woman complete his happiness!
By SlimOne
August 13, 2008 2:43 PM | Link to this
For Real You might not want to blow on my CT right now…I had a mild case of dyslexia and ended up wiping my a* from the back to the front by mistake. Ewwwww Oh yeah, does the AAD eat sardines…i’m cleaning out my desk and found a can i’ve had in here since my orientation 5 years ago.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
Dan that’s their fall back line when things starts spiraling out of their control.
And I think Foots was staying there is mostly “Boys” on this blog.
In truth, most men on here understand the values a good woman being into his life…but we’aint putting that shyt on this mugga fuggin blog
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 2:44 PM | Link to this
Demi
Issssshid, until ol’girl (she was fine as hellz) put that gun to my head and ask if I was ready to meet Jesus.
I had a friend that that was in a similar situation. Theonly real difference was the the girl pulled the line from the Chronic’s “Rat-tat-tat”
“Do you know Lucifer? Well, you are about to meet him.”
He, too, knows better now.
*To think he was the one that was discouraging me to get married. He would say.,”women are like Lay’s Potato Chips to me…I can’t just have one.” I tried to tell him that messing around with these girl would get him cut (or worse). He had to get some bought sense.
By Wise_0726aa
August 13, 2008 2:45 PM | Link to this
this is one of those days that I can sit and marvel at our fabulous readers! I love love love this discussion, so many great perspectives! I am reading over it again, thanks you guys, keep it coming, I heart you ALL!
Hey Randyt! I missed you!!!
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this
Demi Lesbians….
I was looking in the People magazine while at the dentist’s office and saw the she-man that just had a baby.
Now…why would a woman want a woman that has been altered to look like a man? Why not just get a man?
And then the she-man stated that she desired to have a child so the did an at-home insemination because the doctors refused to. Confused or what?
Things that make you go “hmmm??”.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this
Now a woman has to be not only a member of the Fortune 500 but the founder also. smh
Raqi welcome to the two thousands…there are a lot of selfish individuals out there.
m’karyl I had to check my home boy on that type of behavior. It’s ok to admit you were hurt, but at some point and time yo a$$ need to get over it.
I do miss the days of thinking of women in negative terms…But I have too many positive women (friends) in my life right now, LOL
By "Longtime Lurker"
August 13, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this
@Beautiful On your 2:07…
Who really builds empires anymore?? In 2008,if you over 30, the man has his own mini empire and she has hers!
Name me(3) young couples who have built an empire recently together and not off that mans wealth alone??
I had a convo with my mom yesterday on this topic that this is a major part of the problemo.
Folks too independant now and it is much to easy to call quits, when ish don’t work out or someone catches an attitude/pouting!
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 3:00 PM | Link to this
Has the blog gone down for the day or has it been overloaded???? I’m having some major system problems. (Probably because I’m supposed to be in a meeting)
By Cemeeli
August 13, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this
What happened?
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 3:09 PM | Link to this
D@mn eaten post!
Angie/ATL As stated, I don’t really think the issue is about the clothes. But for the record, I have done the same & it was not appreciated. Since my concern was genuine, I took the chance and years later, we’re the best of friends. Anyhoo, I’ve let the issue go… so now it’s gone :)
Dan 2:14 would be more factual if typed as The D has no problem believing that no woman on here has a problem assuming that every man she meets wants to sleep with her.
Longtime When those things align he has found the best for his sitchy. But the key is he has to be willing to let go of that hunt.
For Real Rewind. You asked that the ladies not get defensive and the responses sounded pretty level headed for the most part. Since we can’t speak for the league of all women, we can only address the questions you posed as they relate to our own personalities.
1+1 is not the definition of simple, rather an example of simple mathematics. Can u give a real life scenario which quantifies why/when you think most women overcomplicate something most of us would think a man has oversimplified?
And as for your trouble with embracing shades of contentment, maybe this will help. Say you’re wrapping up one of your patented earmuffinlectomies on this chick. She’s xtra fly so u went ahead & threw in a few extra amenities with the service. She’s all shivers, quivers, trembles and gasps, but still you ask “How u feel, babe?” Her response…”Content.” Now will this be adequate or will you be determined to twerk an admission of bliss outta her downplayin @zz before u snatch u ya lil backpack & bounce?
By test
August 13, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this
test
By test
August 13, 2008 3:15 PM | Link to this
test
By Dan
August 13, 2008 3:27 PM | Link to this
@Beautiful
Yes ma’am
Then again I am of the opinion that a good session is cure for everything….
Even food poisining…
By Cemeeli
August 13, 2008 3:30 PM | Link to this
Demi you do, you will, you have. I have seen you put what you want in a women in your posts. Or maybe that was Alvin.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this
What happened..thanks for taking the blindfold off…look at all this reading I have to do…awww shucks!
M’Karyl I do not understand ANYONE stuck like that in yesteryear. That’s one baby boomer that is growing to be a bitter, lonely old man.
By Wise Diva
August 13, 2008 3:40 PM | Link to this
Blog is working now Thank you!
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 13, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this
Aw thanks Beautiful!!! LOL So they trying to fit into a extra-Smedium shirt?
Slim LMAO…I swear you need help!
Raqi Now a woman has to be not only a member of the Fortune 500 but the founder also sad part about it is…they want a woman like that, but when she decides to do all it takes to run that company the men want to complain that she is not trying to pop out babies to further complicate her life. Being a CEO or business owner is no small task. Now you want me to come home and play wife and mother as if I am a housewife too? Where am I supposed to find the time and energy for that. Oh yeah..then you want me to keep myself up (work out and keep hair and nails done). Again…where you do expect me to find time? But you….you are only expected to work and come home and chill…play Madden and wait for dinner to be ready….prepapred by me of course! HA!!! LOL
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this
LOL @ SexyLeggs and “aw shucks”
Dan, I wonder if you’d spontaneously combust if you had to go without a good session for an extended period of time. LOL
By SlimOne
August 13, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this
mytwo your post to 4 real was funny…tombout his lil backpack. LOL!
By Ladylike
August 13, 2008 3:48 PM | Link to this
Maybe my relationship is not all that hot, but I have not allowed myself to get really emeotionally involved, even when in a realtionship. It’s just easier not to rely on the other person very much or express and show deep feelings. I think I’ve got my guard up and yeah I might be a little selfish.
By Ladylike
August 13, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this
Maybe my relationship self is not all that hot, but I have not allowed myself to get really emeotionally involved, even when in a realtionship. It’s just easier not to rely on the other person very much or express and show deep feelings. I think I’ve got my guard up and yeah I might be a little selfish.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 3:52 PM | Link to this
@ARed
2 months is my limit…and then I start shaking like a fiend….
Cold sweats and the whole nine…
But there’s always big booty Bertha…my real girl
By The Truth
August 13, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this
The unfortunate thing is everyone thinks that 1) when they get married 2) when they have a family 3) when whatever the NEXT thing is they’ll be happy. The truth is today is as good a day as you’ll ever get. Embrace it.
Raqi wify used to be a term that meant a woman a cat could take the long walk with. She wasn’t alot of things but she was real. And lets be correct, the term applied when a woman was a virgin and a cat was trained to take care of his family. Neither of those things apply much anymore.
Now the real question is “how much” mileage that chick has on her and were they highway or city miles. Woman today use terms that their mothers earned the right to use. Now they just use them because they can. We got chicks in here calling guys dogs when they just got off someone’s tip this morning. If the cat that fuggs alot is a dog than she’s a hizzzo. It’s plain and simple.
PG good to see you keeping them in check. Believe it or not you’re “keeping hope alive” that some of these women will oneday get married. LOL
Staceye aka Thicky. In your 345 I guess your saying that men should go out and earn the money then come home to listen to his wifes needs and wants, which change based on the latest commercial. Its a new age, everyone get your own chips. Most women don’t bring enough to the table to get carte blanche.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 3:53 PM | Link to this
my2cents, loved your comparison on “shades of contentment”, especially the last line. Herein lies the problem each and everyone of us have had at one point. The answer given may not be the answer wanted so you keep asking the same thing until you get what you want. Only thing you now got it with ATTITUDE because you couldn’t leave well enough alone. She said she was “content”…hell she’s out of breath and couldn’t muster anything else (LOL).
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 3:58 PM | Link to this
good to see you keeping them in check. Believe it or not you’re “keeping hope alive” that some of these women will oneday get married. LOL
Well, ouch, Truth.
By For Real
August 13, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this
2pennies 1+1 is not the definition of simple, rather an example of simple mathematics.
Let me see you agree that 1 + 1 is simple but somehow you complicated your agreement to the extent that it is not the definition of simple but in fact an example of simple math.
Can u give a real life scenario which quantifies why/when you think most women overcomplicate something most of us would think a man has oversimplified?
First i never mentioned overcomplicate or oversimplified. I am not sure how one can over complicate that which is already complicated or how one can oversimplify something that is simple. But that’s another topic for another day. Now what was your question again? Ahhhh, Can u give a real life scenario which quantifies why/when you think most women overcomplicate something most of us would think a man has oversimplified? Hmmmmm let think about it.
And as for your trouble with embracing shades of contentment, maybe this will help. Hmmmm i didn’t know there where shades or degrees of contentment. I thought you are either content or you are not content. So hit me up on one of your half happy days so I can get a good look at that. As for your example, I never listen to what a women is saying during an episode her body tells me everything I need to know. If I were to ever listen during that time I would never reach 50 strokes if I didn’t push pass wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh and for the record if you ever see me smile thru a bitten lower lip but if you see me with my backpack grin like a Cheshire Cat.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 4:03 PM | Link to this
*The unfortunate thing is everyone thinks that 1) when they get married 2) when they have a family 3) when whatever the NEXT thing is they’ll be happy. The truth is today is as good a day as you’ll ever get. Embrace it. *
Tomorrow is not promised. Yesterday is gone. It is called “the present” because it is a gift. Enjoy it because happiness come from within.
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:04 PM | Link to this
@Demi & SexyLeggs
It truly is a sad situation when we perpetuate our own emotional unhappiness…again, once I learned that I was the sole person responsible for my emotional well-being and not the other…I made a choice emotionally that was not a good-fit for me…regardless of what the other did (real or imagined)…ultimately, I did make the choice to emotionally allow myself to give that person a value…and he actually represents a lot of ppl in my age group who have spent their entire lifes reamining emotionally wounded from a past emotional experienceI could not image still being emotionally negative about a relationship that soured so long age that even the relationship had grandchildren ( passed through generations of time and space)…lol
By Dan
August 13, 2008 4:05 PM | Link to this
@Truth
Don’t call her Thicky…she might not eat for days
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA
By Beautiful
August 13, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this
ok, i’ve done my damage for today. c y’all 2mrro.
and if you have something to vent about … do it! don’t worry about the comments that follow.
hi truth!
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this
But in her example, didn’t he ASK HER how she was feeling. If he was listening, he wouldn’t have had to ask…right???
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 4:16 PM | Link to this
Yeah Staceye. We get a full itemized run-down daily on what us women folk have to possess, endure, come with and act to be “chosen” by these “real” men nowadays days. And all they have to do is have a set of bat and balls. LOL
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this
WOW, M’Karyl you hit the nail on the head. I am responsible for my own well-being. My friends don’t get why I don’t go around complaining about not dating, and not griping. If I start doing that no doubt you’ll see and smell “complaint and dispair” b4 even get a chance to see me. Can’t have that!
By Demi
August 13, 2008 4:21 PM | Link to this
Cemeeli who in the hellz is Alvin…are you cheating on me, LOL…I just see the value of keeping good company, that’s all.
I could not image still being emotionally negative about a relationship that soured so long age that even the relationship had grandchildren ( passed through generations of time and space)…lol
M’Karyl I feel you on that!!
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
@Raqi
And all they have to do is have a set of bat and balls.
From my experience that seems to be right…it is a double standard that I find amusing…he has his criteria all assigned, desginated, and such…while I , on the other hand being apparently manless, should just be content that a literal and figurative ding-a-ling step to me and imposed on my space.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this
I’m officially on the floor with a set of bat and balls!
By Demi
August 13, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this
Raqi that was a thing, no lesbian nothing, LOL
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:25 PM | Link to this
@SexyLeggs
Once I learned that life lesson I was then able to disengage from and also not allow emotionally negative relationships to exist in my life…my emotional happiness is too important to me and I will protect it by any means necessary…even if it means remaining single.
By Atl Lady
August 13, 2008 4:26 PM | Link to this
TruthGlad to see you weigh in with us. I do agree with you that the roles have changed somewhat over the years. (I know this is only te second time in history)
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 4:28 PM | Link to this
Please, please stop…this is so true…literal and figurative ding-a-ling step to me and imposed on my space
By Demi
August 13, 2008 4:32 PM | Link to this
…while I , on the other hand being apparently manless, should just be content that a literal and figurative ding-a-ling step to me and imposed on my space.
You DAYUM right!!
M’Karyl is now sending Demi to the after life.
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this
Could you real men please lay it out on this here screen what it is you all think you have to offer a woman?
For a change let’s see what you have to offer. And money is excluded because we have our own.
Now go. You less than 30 minutes.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 4:36 PM | Link to this
@Raqi
You first.
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this
@Demi
Naw, not the afterlife…but I may make you weed my garden until summer’s end…better be gald we past the horse manure fertilizing stage…lol…you funny.
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this
@Demi
Naw, not the afterlife…but I may make you weed my garden until summer’s end…better be glad we past the horse manure fertilizing stage…lol…you funny.
By mytwocents
August 13, 2008 4:39 PM | Link to this
Truth I always chuckle when men who spread their luv around refer to women who do the same as garden tools. Y’all gotta have sumthin to hump on.
Yes, think on it, For Real. Surely the ladies hadn’t resorted to debating the product of 1+1 just to thwart you. And if I remove the over from the beginning of those words, will you remove the part where u try to get the core sentiment lost in semantics? Probably not, so since you wanna… IF y’all frolic a lil, kissy-touchy, feels good <— content. Thangs heatin up, get to strokin, feels great <— half happy. Doin durrty/kinky make u speak in tongues <— freakin’ fabulous. But since it’s all the same, you’re good if she stops at gropin on the couch, cuz y’all already content.
Thanks, Leggs Thinkin the concept must already be gotten or the feelin of the 50th stroke would not surpass the first…yup, another topic I’m lettin go of.
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this
For a change let’s see what you have to offer. And money is excluded because we have our own.
A-a-men…a-a-men…amen…amen amen…hallelujah now…
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this
Dan, she’s not a man, she can’t answer. Stop twisting the question!
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this
???????
By The Truth
August 13, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this
Raqi vision, leadership, education, experience, wisdom, structure,drive, a firm hand, and the ability to turn my emotions off so I can get the job done.
By For Real
August 13, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this
Raqi Could you real men please lay it out on this here screen what it is you all think you have to offer a woman?
For Real now standing before Raqi buck azz nakked and arms spread out to the side. Saying “Black Cake and 16 camera phone with 8 backup batteries.
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this
snicker
By NY2GA
August 13, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this
^5 Raqi on that question to the fellas. You’d think by now that they would be all over the keyboard tooting their horns.
Don’t clam up now fellas. It’s all about YOU.
WAIT.
Is that the sound of crickets?-LMAO
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this
I am so no good…I just called FYT (21 and chocolate hot…football player body)to take a few shots of me with a digital camera to upload to the internet, etc…do I have an ulterior motive…uh-huh…does he seem unaware…noooo…hey-ale…the chile is fine…fine…fine…dayummmm…lol.
By Raqi
August 13, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Vision? I see just fine
Leadership? I know where I am going
Education? snicker
Experience? Been there done that
Wisdom? Hard knocks taught me well
Structure? I am built just fine
Drive? Intuition is a woman’s nature
The ability to turn…? There is a man in every WOMAN.
By Dan
August 13, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this
Okay then,
Wisdom, the fact that I will always tell you the truth, education, ambition, empathy, foresight, a sense of humor…..
….and Panthro.
By Demi
August 13, 2008 4:57 PM | Link to this
M’Karyl bey, I love my black skin…but I ain’t trying to shoot for purple, lol.
By Staceye AKA Black Mamba
August 13, 2008 4:58 PM | Link to this
Truth Oh no you didn’t call me Thicky!!! I am offended! I thought you were my friend! LOL (But I am offended though)
These days it seems like woman are more successful than men…so I dont know dude.
Dan How do you know me so well? LOL I will quit eating in a heartbeat! LOL
By Foots
August 13, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this
Amazon spoken in my best poker voice
I see your snicker and I’ll raise you a chuckle AND a LMAO…
So For Real offers male anatomy. Good thing I get to decide how valuable that is to me…
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this
Not surprised Truth answered. Thanks. All you others are scurred (not you PoppaG)!
By Cemeeli
August 13, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this
Demi Alvin is that guy that dude tol me ‘I’mmeiongiveaflpwhatnoonefeelorsayboutit’ cards. ‘Member?
…wait wait wait…my emotions havin’ babies… I shoulda left that dayum Phi Beta Tampon sorority alone.
Be eaz…
By melo
August 13, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this
And money is excluded because we have our own This HARD P. u dnt have that Raqi……..
By Demi
August 13, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this
Could you real men please lay it out on this here screen what it is you all think you have to offer a woman?
Not a dayum thing, now what can she do for me, LOl
Raqi is now transmitting viruses to Demi’s pc…
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this
Good night everyone! I have two for you today…
Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
Remember, he who laughs last, really thinks the slowest.
Peace Out…oh yeah keep those ears and eyes WIDE open!
By Tazzee
August 13, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this
have a good night all!
I’m still over here snickering at set of bat and balls…
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this
Raqi
Leadership, drive, vision, education, experience, and a touch of compassion.
Plus I can cook, clean, etc. I was a bachelor so I had to do those things anyways.
Honestly, I cannot remember the last time that I just got home and sat on my arse. I am always working on the yard in someway (cutting grass, pruning, planting).
By melo
August 13, 2008 5:02 PM | Link to this
dyck leadership,thats what uall need
By The Truth
August 13, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this
Raqi no you don’t. but we won’t go there.
Fellas, where you at? The Truth looking around to find an empty bloghall.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this
melo A bum on the street can have a hard P too. That’s not saying much, nor is it raising the bar high enough.
By M'Karyl
August 13, 2008 5:05 PM | Link to this
Sister Raqi called a motion…sisterhood deconesses seconded the motion…brother deacons just humming on the bench…lol
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 5:06 PM | Link to this
*Melo, melo melo…..
By AmazonRed
August 13, 2008 5:07 PM | Link to this
Foots - I had to hold off posting a bit today. The sheer length of them made my eyes glaze over, but I was repelled by many of them for the sheer “b***” of the content.
But good discussion today. LMAO.
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 5:08 PM | Link to this
SexxyL
I answered.
I have always stated that I live my life. Mrs. PG just fit right in and got to working right along with me. I didn’t have to do any major backflips and such. I know where I headed and she must have felt that she liked it and decided to come along for the ride.
That is why I tell all my boys to live your life and love will find you. If you go out and look it, you are more likely to find an imposter.
By Foots
August 13, 2008 5:11 PM | Link to this
Raqi does have a point though. For all of the dudes who keep saying that the women don’t measure up, take your own advice and take responsibility for the kind of women you are attracting. Maybe you aren’t all that you should be to be able to attract and keep the type of woman you desire. Work on who you are and what you have to offer and that woman who will help you build your empire will finally cross your path and stay there.
night, night…
By The Truth
August 13, 2008 5:16 PM | Link to this
PG we share alot of traits. minus the compassion. I have none. LOL
Staceye you know you’ll always be my little thicky. Don’t hide that thang, lay it over my knee. LOL
By Alvin
August 13, 2008 5:20 PM | Link to this
Let see what I have to offer a woman:
A trustworthy leader, a respectable gentleman, drive, willingness to stand firm in times of trouble, a big heart, a damn good father-in-training, willing to do whatever I can for my family, a great lover and a wonderful friend, who is ready to ride this Bish called life with my queen for the long haul.
Raqi great question…do you see how consistence our answers are?
And only 6 dudes have posted today.
Cemeeli I remember posting that…but that was about something else.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 5:20 PM | Link to this
Love you PoppaG!
By Poppa Grande
August 13, 2008 5:24 PM | Link to this
Truth we share alot of traits. minus the compassion. I have none. LOL
Actually I agree. I guess that the compassion makes me less millitant…lol
Seriously though, being a Big Brother brought it out of me.
By Alvin
August 13, 2008 5:28 PM | Link to this
The Truth dude it took a long time for me to p’ee compassion out of my system…LOL.
By SexyLeggs
August 13, 2008 5:28 PM | Link to this
Truth, you have compassion. You just go out of the way to prove you don’t!
By Alvin
August 13, 2008 5:30 PM | Link to this
…only to have li’Demi shoot it back into my veins
By hoodboy
August 13, 2008 5:31 PM | Link to this
Cemlie you are a cute little something. “Phi Beta Tampon” HA, that was funny.
You always keep it light and funny on here. And thanks for the virtual food. i like wings too. Don’t forget that breakfast next time i read. ;)