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AJC.com > Living > Blog > Archives > 2008 > August > 05
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Dr. Daddy — Dating a divorcee
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Up until a year or so ago, I was staunchly against dating a divorcee or a man with children, but then I met a man my friends quickly dubbed “Dr. Daddy.” (He is an actual doctor, thus the name.)
He is smart, successful, good-looking and we initially had great chemistry. That said, we differed on some topics, such as when I should meet the children.
I thought we should wait until the relationship was established for several months before bringing me into their lives; after all, their mother had flaked out and if he and I failed, I feared they’d be confused and hurt. He, however, perhaps rightfully told me that I shouldn’t worry about his kids and that they (at 7 and 11) wouldn’t be as affected as I feared. Plus, he had custody, and it was difficult for him to see me while taking care of his children nearly full-time.
I met the children within a month of us dating, and they are beautiful, bright and loving. And in just a few weeks, they were running to hug me when I visited and often asked me to cuddle and play.
Not long after, things began to sour with their father. Dr. Daddy was still reeling from the break-up of his 12 year marriage, and I was in essence dating his divorce.
It’s great when a guy wants to talk about his proverbial feelings, but it wasn’t easy to listen to him when his feelings were wrapped up in pain caused by another woman. I finally told him I was uncomfortable that all of our conversations were about his ex-wife, and he accused me of being an uncaring partner. (I countered that there’s a difference between partner and psychologist.)
The courtship crumbled and I saw the children maybe once more. Still not sure how Dr. Daddy explained things to them, but I know that it’s his responsibility — not mine. Still, sometimes I wish I had followed my gut.
How many of you have dated folks fresh from divorce, or as a divorcee yourself? How do you know what’s appropriate to talk about with a new partner?
Also, what are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children?
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