Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 8:10 AM | Link to this

Morning

I’m getting laid off in about a month

….Never dated any newly divorced dudes.

How do you know what’s appropriate to talk about with a new partner? No matter what you talk about, i don’t think the person should go on and on about their past relationship/SO unless asked specific questions.

what are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children? I don’t have kids but if i did, i highly doubt my kids would meet every tom, dick, harry that i met or was attracted to. They don’t need to be wondering if their mama is a h0.

By T

August 5, 2008 8:27 AM | Link to this

Well you have to know that being fresh from a divorce they are still going to be a little messed up.

It is never appropriate to constantly talk about an ex. I’m sure with children envolved making adjustments to his past relation ship was hard. (still no excuse)

I would feel really strange being introduced to someones children too early. If a lady bairly knows me, why would she want me to meet her children? What does that say about them?

By AC

August 5, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Dated a divorced guy once..didn’t have children, but all he did was talk about his ex-wife and the pain of their break-up..I just got tired of it..I am just not that interested to date divorced guys and most definitely not ones with kids.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Good morning!!

Slim Awwww man!! I’m sorry to hear that. What are you going to do next?

How many of you have dated folks fresh from divorce

I’ve dated a few men fresh from divorce. Not a pleasant experience. I know that some people can become emotionally detached well before the divorce is final, but the men I met had serious issues with their exes and wanted to talk about them incessantly. No matter what they said about being “ready to date”, they were not. They might have been “ready for sex”, but not to have a relationship. They were way too hurt to process everything that had happened to them to really put anything into developing another relationship. From then on, I learned my lesson about fresh divorcees and I steer WAY clear.

It’s not my preference to date men with children either. I have in the past, but I would prefer to not have to deal with the extra emotional layers that exist when children are in the picture.

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

A continuous diatribe about the demise of your last relationship is never an appropriate line of conversation with anyone but a psychologist. It’s just not healthy for you and definitely not healthy for a new relationship.

First of all it is a clear sign that you have not moved on. And secondly you are with a new person who wants to get to know you not your ex and all the horrible or even good things he/she did to you or for you.

On the when to meet the kids, it’s up to the parent because they will be the one that has to deal with kids if and when it’s all over. Parents know what their kids can and cannot handle for the most part. No matter how the single party says they feel about it, the parent is going to do what they feel is right whether it’s with you or someone else when it comes to their kids.

I personally chose when someone would meet my kids based on how I felt the relationship was going and how I gauged how the person truly felt about me having kids. Most of the men I dated never met my kids. It was only a select few. And yes it can be difficult when you have sole custody.

After being presented with a series of whats and whys from my nearly 5 year old son after my relationship with whitebread ended, I made the decision to not have over night guest when my sons were home.

And I also let the men I dated know that my kid’s immediate needs came first in my life while we were dating. When you wife me up then things will fall into their proper positions but until then you are just a date. A stranger.

That’s how I handled being a single parent.

By Hmm

August 5, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this

So what I’m hearing, is most steer clear of divorcees, especially those with children. So I guess if you’re divorced with kids you don’t deserve to ever date again?

Holier than thou? Hope all your marriages work out. Chances are they won’t, and your attitude will change!

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Foots I’m going to finally start up my Bunyun Removal Service…but what will set me apart from the competition is mine will be “on wheels”, where we come to you…j/k.

I really don’t know. Get another job I guess. Severance ain’t gonna last me long enough to get out of the Rat Race just yet. I got the news yesterday…went home and had me a Rum & Coke. lol

By Sassy

August 5, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

Run, Forrest! RUN! Dating a freshly divorced man (or woman for that matter) has never been successful for either party.

The Divorcee’ really should allow time between break up and start up to discover who they are and what do they want.

When I was in the ‘dating pool’ I would not date a man with children under the age of 16. Just my personal rule. I have the most respect for people who ‘put their children first’ but that just means I’ll always be ‘last’ in their minds eye. (Nope, not for me!)

And no, I don’t have to be #1 (all the time - wink) nor do I want to be put on a pedistal but I have found those men who ‘put their children first’ usually do so at at their own destruction.

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

s’up folk!!!

i have dated numerous divorced women over the years and i always inquire about how long they have been divorced. i’m not even interested in pursuing if it’s been less than a year and the children are under about 8 years old.

if the divorce is less than a year the wounds are too fresh, the bitterness is still too stong and if the kids are too young, there probably is still a lot of back and forth going on with ex.

like the ole’ folk say, time heals all wounds. if she is smart she has enough sense not to even try to pursue a relationship less than a year after the “d”, they should have had time to reflect and work through some of their feelings. it still maybe some issues /walls that will come up but most of the venom has lost some it’s potentcy.

By AM

August 5, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

I’m divorced and have dated guys who have been divorced and guys who have never married. I actually preferred to date the divorced guys because I knew what they were going through and they knew what I was going through. Unless you’ve been through it, I don’t think you can truly understand what it does to you. However, you definitely have to limit the talk about the ex in any kind of relationship. Also, there are some people who jump into the dating scene entirely too early. They’re just not ready to date yet and shouldn’t be dating. As a divorcee myself, my advice if you’re dating someone newly divorced is to be compassionate, but try to guide the conversation away from the ex. He/she probably doesn’t even realize that he/she is doing it. For the longest time I had no stories to contribute to a conversation that didn’t include the ex, which is what happens when you spend 8 years with someone. As far as children go, I don’t have any and I refused to date guys with children. Too much baggage and the ex is never completely out of the picture when children are involved.

By I Don't Wanna Play House

August 5, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

Beware - there’s usually a reason why they’re divorced and, sooner or later it will surface in the new relationship. As the saying goes, “no matter how good looking she is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her $h#t”.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

SlimOne, so sorry to hear about that. My job is always hiring. Go to wwww.opc.com to see if there’s anything their fitting your field of expertise.

I don’t think anyone should date someone fresh from a divorce. The pain, no matter how masked, is too much on the surface. Extremely unwise to constantly talk about the demise of a marriage. I have a friend who recently told me he was surprised I never said a bad word to him about my ex. He then commended me saying he knew if I didn’t say anything to him, I didn’t say anything bad about him to or in front of my daughter. He’s absolutely right! All divorcees should give themselves some healing process time before getting back out there to meet a possible partner. Now, if you’re only looking for a jump off, then jump and then see what doctor you might have to visit in near future. Wait, wait, wait!!!

what are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children Never introduce your romantic partnerS to your children. You can introduce what you hope to be that special one after time, but it’s not wise nor is very considerate of your children’s feelings to bring every person your dating in contact w/your children. A mixed message is being given to the child which says mommy/daddy is playing the field and here is my newest conquest.” Not a good look!!!

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

SexyL thanks hun…I will definitely put it on my list of places to check out.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

for all y’all trippin bout lettin your romantic interest meet your kids….lemme ask you this, who knows you’re romantically involved ‘cept the two of you??? How many of your “friends” have met your kids? Just throwin some’n out there to make you think…..Nah, ya youngins ain’t gotta be privvy to ya bedroom activities, but to say, no you can’t meet my kids yet, is asinine!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

LOL…had only ONE rum and coke???

I agree w/you SAMIAM, shouldn’t date a divorcee less than year into the divorce. Reflection is needed and if children are involved, adjustment to their new circumstance of being w/one parent is paramount to their healthy development. Bringing in dating partners shouldn’t be part of the restructuring process (JMO)!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

Sorry, that’s www.opc.com.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

Morning All

SlimOne sorry to hear about your job chica. Hang in there and if I hear about anything I will let you know. What field are you in?

On topic: I am a divorcee w a child. At this point no one meets lil mo til the relationship has been established. I dont want to introduce anyone to my child prematurely. And as for dating, I would prefer someone who at least has a kid. I dont plan to have anymore children so to meet a man w/o a child seems pointless as he may want one (or more). He doesnt have to have been married before though.

I Dont Wanna Play House Beware - there’s usually a reason why they’re divorced and, sooner or later it will surface in the new relationship This is the case for any person. Divorcees arent the only folks with drama/baggage/issues, whatever you want to call it. Its plenty of people that havent been married that have serious issues!! :0)

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I have dated a divorce gentleman before and while I enjoyed his company he too had healing left to do from his divorce. At the time I was young and didnt understand all of his behaviors(needy) but when I look back on it I can see clearly that his needy behavior was directly in relation to all that had happen to him during his marriage and his divorce. But I would never rule out dating another divorce guy..everyone heals differently so I can’t say that the next divorce man will be like so and so.

As for when to meet the children..I am a firm in my belief that kids should stay out of the dating process until something firm and long term has been established. In other words..just because he is taking you out doesn’t mean the little one(s) have to tag along too. Get to know each other first and then when there is a firm foundation established you can bring the kids on board.

Sorry to hear about your layoff Slim

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. Why is the summer going aways so fast?

Divorced guys are one thing. Baby daddies are another. I think divorced guys who desire to get married again are very suitable partners. I think they are more realistic about marriage. That is, if they are not hung up over their ex. I went out with one divorced guy with kids. No chemistry. Nice guy tho.

I don’t typically attract guys with kids, even as they get older. I guess “toxic bachelors” are more drawn to me.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

another fallacy…….recent divorcees are the worse??? ummm, last I checked, a divorce isn’t granted over night, so that means it’s been brewing for some time, right, and then the process itself takes some time; My ex and I separated, and the divorce took two years to finalize….so with dude’s philosophy, that would mean a 3 year hiatus from dating???? Ha….

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Play House “no matter how good looking she is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her $h#t”

I think that’s everybody. The problem is, if you run from somebody who you think is crazy, you’ll run right into the arms of somebody who makes the last person look sane. Everybody has their issues, some can be dealt with and some need white jackets. I’d hope that people are choosing mates using criteria beyond looks anyway.

SAMIAM I agree that some time needs to be taken after the divorce. I don’t know if you can put a timetable on it, but the divorced person just needs to be honest with themselves and the people they date to alert them that they may not be ready. I don’t see a problem with enjoying someone else’s company, as long as everyone knows what the deal is and can accept that. I just got tired of men swearing me up and down that they were ready, but couldn’t keep their exes names out of their mouths.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People, Raqi I can relate to you as I am too a single parent and when it comes dating and kids sometimes it can be a joggler. I’ve had times when they want to meet my kids instantly. I figure there’s some kind of hidden motive behind it and I decline. I don’t introduce my kids to guys I date, Since I’ve been single I’ve been in one relationship and that lasted 4 years, now that I’m single and dating again my kids haven’t met any one outside of my one male running buddy.

As for dating a divorcee, that’s all I’ve been meeting, is Atlanta the divorce captiol or what? LOL….I’ve been thru the oh feel sorry for me, lemme tell you bout my ex and then one keep me up to date with what his ex wife said, didn’t say, and what ever move she made thru out the week. I’m not against dating a divorcee but I am against dating a divorcee whose still married in his mind.

Although I’ve never been divorced, I have been married and I think with the demise of relationship/marriage you need time to heal.

By Teresa

August 5, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

That kid Mike chose Roci over Lisa ray?!

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

2 Can Everybody is talking about their own experiences. Your experience is not like that. All divorces are not the same, true. Like I said earlier, some people are emotionally detached from their spouse well before the divorce, and they are ready to move on on Day 1 after the decree is signed. Unfortunately, you never know what type of divorcee you have until you get with them, because they will ALL say “I’m over it!”. No man wants to admit that the divorce has adversely affected him.

But I’m sure you’d see what we were saying if you had to sit and listen to some woman arguing with her ex-husband on the phone about the kid and inserting his name into just about every conversation you had. You’d want to give her a little more time to deal with her domestic issues too.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

There’s a provision in the spritual contract that conflicts with the law of the land.

One reason that the D has yet to be married, is because divorce is not an option:

..til DEATH do we part…

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

so if the other person cain’t meet the kids yet, what ya doing with ‘em while you and that person are “establishing” something?

By Blanca

August 5, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Hmm I don’t think that’s what people are saying, and it’s certainly not my point. There’s a distinction between a divorcee who has moved on and is ready to date again, and someone who is still dealing with his/her divorce and puts that burden on their next partner. Stay with us, my friend!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

…so with dude’s philosophy, that would mean a 3 year hiatus from dating???? Doubt it, probably got some nookie on the side somewhere. But, the same thing goes for when people live together years on years end who wind up finally getting married. For some reason, that little piece of paper changes people. Same with divorce. It may have been brewing over the years, but once it’s finalized the grieving process starts right there all over again FOR SOME!

By AM

August 5, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Be careful I Don’t Wanna Play House. Following your logic, one could say that there is a reason all of the single people out there are still single too! When I was still in the dating scene, if I met a guy who was in his 30s and had never been married I had to wonder if there was a reason why. That didn’t prevent me from dating them, if we hit it off. I just know quite a few people who comment about that and ask themselves “What’s wrong with this person and why has nobody wanted to marry them yet?” Just like any relationship, there are many good reasons to get divorced. In my case, my husband was a cheating b*******. Should I have stayed married to him to avoid the stigma of divorce? I don’t think so.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Foots, been there, and the minute she starts talking about ex, then that tells me she ain’t over him, and I’m out! That’s too easy! If you see the signs, why ignore them?

By Dan

August 5, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

@Foots

When the topic changes…I got a question to ask you….please remind me

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

One reason that the D has yet to be married, is because divorce is not an option:..til DEATH do we part…

Dan - Great point. It’s so important for both individuals to go into marriage with this mentality. I don’t take it lightly either. It’s til death, man. That’s heavy.

By Deeva4Life

August 5, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

SlimOne I feel your pain…I was laid off after 7 years on my job last Thursday. So know that you’re not alone in this.

By melo

August 5, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

i wdnt date a recent divorcee,and not for the reasons u all cite,but becoz the sore exes seem to want to introduce guns and violence in the picture.I have seen that fatal attraction played in the news so many times…..to the detriment of innocent pudsy seekers……..

By lurker

August 5, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

Right on Dan There’s a provision in the spritual contract that conflicts with the law of the land I was wondering when someone was going to bring that up. Divorce is not allowed.

By abc

August 5, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

Being the sum of your experiences, once a divorcee, always a divorcee. It’s not as if it goes away.

Can you handle being a divorcee, can others handle your being one? Maybe. It varies per person, Your Mileage May Vary.

It’s called baggage.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

2 Can been there, and the minute she starts talking about ex, then that tells me she ain’t over him, and I’m out! That’s too easy! If you see the signs, why ignore them?

I don’t. And that’s why I’m not with them, and that’s why I steer clear of folks who have the potential for not being over their past situation. That’s kinda what everybody is saying.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Auntie, I know that’s how some operate; I’m just a firm believer in LIVING! Lemme ask ya this, then…..if you and lil Leggs were out and about, would you refuse an advance from a dude cause you were in her presece? Fellas, have you ever approached a female while in the company of your shorties?

By melo

August 5, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Fellas, have you ever approached a female while in the company of your shorties? i think my bro,who is divorced, does that and my observation is,its not healthy.My nephw said sme like this to him,the other day as we were leaving his footbal game:u always flirting with sme girls.He is only 6.That did not sound right to me and i checked my bro on his approaches to females while in his son’s presence.Mentally the son has been spoiled coz he now also looks at females in a diffrnt way,like chasing after them is a sport or smething……………at 6 yrs….smh

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Mornin’, I agree with SlimOne, Sexy, Raqi & abc, you should never introduce your children unless the relationship get to a point of a long-term situation. I’m a divorcee of 14yrs and because I have boys, it’s a matter of respecting them, their feelings and our home. And, I honestly did not care if my date had issues with it. It was the raising my men that was most important to me. But, I’ve honestly not had any issues about it. I’ve met a few people who got offended that I wouldn’t allow them to meet my boys, you can guess how that went. One guy just wouldn’t stop inviting me and my boys to dinner and he just couldn’t grasp the idea that I wouldn’t oblige him. I stopped taking his calls.

I have dated two people who were fresh out of a divorce and/or divorcing at the time. Will never ever do it again. The first time, we dated for approx. 1 yr., however, it was after finding that he had 3 cherin’ from three different women (oh, he hid it as long as he could) and none of them were from either of his two ex-wives, which meant that this would be his third, I dropped him like a bad habit. The second time, I had dated him previously, we lost contact for approx. 3yrs., he hunted down some old co-workers and got my number, come to find out he had married (2nd wife) and was now divorcing…I explained to him that I didn’t do married folks and we simply remained cool, he would call but only to talk about how crazy his wife was (she had pulled a gun on him, but because they were both cops…”he didn’t want to see her loose her badge”…uhm, yeah ok!). I let him know that he really needed to get through “his” stuff on his own and call me when the dust had settled. He called me after he was divorced, we dated for about 2 mos. and I could see that he still had residual stuff to work out mentally, so I left that alone.

And, to I don’t…it is not always about what the “wife” did, my divorce was a result of my ex not doing what he was suppose to do as a husband. However, he is only now trying to re-enter my life and I’m not having it for my own reasons. My being single until now is definitely by choice, I’ve been engaged once since my divorce and a long-term relationship of 7 yrs since that time.

Sorry for the long post…tehehehe! But, it’s interesting this topic came up because I was just discussing why I refuse to get back with my ex this weekend :)

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

SLIM

keep yo chin up. what field are you in? what would you be interesting in job wise?

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Morning!

Everyone has there own set of issues and baggage. Being married, single or parent does not change the state of person you are. It’s the complete person that should be considered when deciding to date or not.

“Divorcee or not” I’m not biases in regards to a guy for it. He needed have his business straight before attempting to seriously date again. Just as I have a kid. I’d make sure my business (kid/family) has nothing to do with our dating until we get more serious. Later in the dating naturally things will change.

What are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children? Kid are smarter than we think, they know when he/she is moms “friend” and or when it’s become your “SO”. Before decide to “tell it”, i think i would first ask my child who and what does he think of this person me?

Hmmm…Slim i have info on IT support admin, and financial analyst. Wow, sorry to hear that for ya’.

Breakfast: cheese toast, coffee.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

lurker Divorce was granted to the people, though it displeases God. It is allowed in certain circumstances, such as infidelity and if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave. They even talk about divorcing a woman for finding something unpleasant about her in Deuteronomy, I guess that’s what we call irreconcilable differences. It’s clear that divorce is not the best option in all cases, but it’s interesting how the Bible covers the bases of what to do just in case of divorce.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

SAMIAM, I just want you to know that I was very inspirted by your parents love story. Kicked some things into gear for your girl!

Slim - I’m sorry to hear about your job loss! So you gotta sit there for a month, acting like you care about the job you’re about to lose.

Deeva - Sorry to hear about your situation too! Keep your heads up ladies!

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

2C When I am out on a date..normally my son is home with family or with his friends. Besides if I am going out on a date I normally drive my own vehicle or if my date picks me up at home..my son is not there to meet and greet.

By abc

August 5, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

I recall my mom’s dates from when I was a kid, and I didn’t much care about them one way or the other. I think some of you may overestimate the importance of all that kind of stuff with kids — for the most part, as long as their material situation and surroundings stay intact, they don’t much care what else is going on as regards divorce, dating, or anything else that has to do with their parents. Children are self-centered creatures.

Protect them from people who may turn out to be child abusers or something, sure, after all, you barely know the people you date when you get right down to it. But consideration of the children’s feelings as far as the dating goes? Tellin ya, the kids couldn’t possibly care less. They don’t want to know your dates/boyfriends/girlfriends that much. If anything, you should concern yourself with dealing with the fallout your kids are sure to bring on your poor, unsuspecting newbie.

By AM

August 5, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Dan and AmazonRed I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage thinking they’re going to get divorced. I never thought in a million years I would get divorce. My parents just celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary, and I worked my butt off trying to make my marriage work. The problem is that it takes 2 to make a marriage work. I think you’re being unrealistic with the death do us part stuff. I’m not saying to go into a marriage as a pessimist expecting it to fail and not trying your hardest. I thought I was careful and chose the right partner. We dated for several years before getting married, so we didn’t rush into anything. However, you can’t control your partner. If they don’t want to make the marriage work, there is nothing you can do about it! Would you imprison yourself in a bad marriage? You only get this one life to live. I chose to be happy. I agree that marriage isn’t something to take lightly. However, I’m not going to sit there quietly and meekly and accept the fact that my husband is cheating on me, or whatever the issue may be.

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Deeva Yeah, I’m aight so far. I was here 5 years. Some of the veterans didn’t take it so well. The thought of having to get back out there is very scary to them. Hayo…it’s a little unnerving for me too but I assume that was just God’s kick in my bottom to get my grind on. I’m sure its a Blessing though.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

2 Can - In my early 20s I dated a man who was legally separated, on the way to divorce. His wife had moved and taken their son 1000 miles away.

His ex wasn’t the problem. Now that he was “free” again, he was a man wh0re! LOL. All this to say, you gotta give those things time. I think our situation would have been much better if the divorce had been final and he had gotten at least a year afterwards out of his system (let some other chick break him in).

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

No, I wouldn’t refuse an advance if made in good taste. Hell, I’m not trying to show lil leggs that mommy’s a robot. She may not see me having company late at night or the 3 us dining together, but she’s very much aware that men step to me when in public. I’m not trying to hide the fact she has a cool a$$ mommy, just not inviting all that’s interested in me into our lives!

By melo

August 5, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

divorce is only an option if the wife cheats…………all the other reasons pple give are frivolous and selfish……Unless one is incacerated for a long time(20yrs) or the wman cheats,there is no need to divorce,just work it out until the kids are adults……and ull be too old to consider another man or wman anyway.Its better to please God than oneself……

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

“I think some of you may overestimate the importance of all that kind of stuff with kids — for the most part, as long as their material situation and surroundings stay intact, they don’t much care what else is going on as regards divorce, dating, or anything else that has to do with their parents. Children are self-centered creatures.”

Eureka!!! Like I said, yeen gotta let ‘em be privvy to ya bedroom relations, but as long as they’re happy, and see you happy, they could care less what you’re doing…..

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

@abc

Naw….that ain’t true in the slightest.

When mom’s hurt, you hurt. And if it’s over some dude, it’s even worse.

Kids notice everything in their lives and those that swallow it, have it come back out later.

So, as self centered as some kids be, please don’t think that they don’t notice the things the parents do.

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Lady Red

make it do , what it do

2 Can… i don’t have kids so… no, if i did, prolly not. don’t wanna send the wrong message or use my kids as bait.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

I recall my mom’s dates from when I was a kid, and I didn’t much care about them one way or the other.

I think my kid would act along these lines; he’d be more interested in the guy if he is interested into sports and having fun than anything. I have stated before a child can adapt/transition with mom/dad’s relationship as long as they are being loved, nourished and cared for. They are very acquiescent lil people when they are confident w/ themselves.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Would you imprison yourself in a bad marriage?

Probably. If there are no bibical reasons for divorce, I probably would. I make my own happiness. I don’t need anyone else to.

And I’m not saying any one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced. What I’m saying is that some people know they have an “out” if they get bored or fall out of love, etc. No, you can’t control another person, but you can find a partner that has the same ideals as you on matters such as these.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

PLEASE STOP EATING MY POSTS! I WAS SAYING SOMETHING QUITE PROPHETIC IN ONE OF MY POSTS AND NOW CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID (lol).

By Deeva4Life

August 5, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

ARed Thanks for the encouraging words.

SlimOne Exactly! In times like these you have to stay positive…anything less is counterproductive. Plus we need you on your grind; there has to be thousands who could use your(mobile) Bunyan Removal Service…LMAO.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

@Am

That’s why I’m not married. There have been women to spend time with, have yet to meet the one to spend my life with.

Truth be told, I can’t let her leave. Spousal priviledge prevents her from testifying, but it can be argued that after the divorce that priviledge is discounted. So my equation: potentially jail v. staying….she stays.

That, plus the fact that I’m not trying to have that on my resume. I realize that life throws curves, but that’s why you work on the off speed pitch in the offseason…

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Wow ARed. When you’re actually in one, you just might change your mind. If you don’t, good for you!

I’m in agreement with recall my mom’s dates from when I was a kid, and I didn’t much care about them one way or the other. Nada! They were all bums and predators!!! So, yes children pay attention and that’s why its imperative that not every joe blow comes into my house and interact w/me and my child.

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Mo/SAMIAM I’ve been in customer relations for some time but really is considering doing something else…not sure what though just yet. Whatever I am supposed to be doing, I have faith is what i will end up doing.

By abc

August 5, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Sure they notice, Dan. They just don’t care nearly as much as you think. It’s just my experience, from dating women with children, from my own children and from being a kid in that situation.

Now, do the parents carry on, mope around, act like a fool on account of dating? Then a kid is going feel the pain, because then they have to pay a price too. But that’s what I’m saying: as long as a kid’s situation remains stable, they couldn’t really care less about their parents.

If you want to believe otherwise, go right ahead.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

AM Would you imprison yourself in a bad marriage?

No, I wouldn’t. I would like for my marriage to be til death do us part, but I am also of the mindset that ish happens. I realize that many things are beyond my control, including other people. Shoot, I don’t want to have an accidental death or dismemberment either, but I sure have enough insurance to cover me in case I do. The relief is that the insurance is there if I need it, but the hope is that I never have to use it.

I watched my mother’s hair fall out from stress in her marriage to my father. I love my dad, but dude was crazy and she did the best that she could to make things work for me and my sister. But there came a time when we had to tell her that it was okay to get a divorce (being 7 and 12) and we were quite relieved when she did. We had a healthier mommy because of it.

I also watched a good friend of mine go through unspeakable pain and embarrassment with a cheating husband. If she would have asked me to pay for her divorce, I would have.

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

i do financial recruiting for a well known firm. we specialize in upper management and executive placement. i also do some freelance media work.

when you plot yo next move, make it yo best move and let me know, i’ll keep yo feather in my hat.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

I got what you’re saying abc and I totally agree with as long as the child’s situation remains stable they could care less. True, but there are some, no matter how stable and taken care of they are, too much activity will have them looking at you sideways, cockeyed and nose turned up all at one time.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Wow ARed. When you’re actually in one, you just might change your mind. If you don’t, good for you!

SexyLeggs - That’s why I don’t take the vows lightly. Why make them in the first place. If any of you divorcess think “til death” is unrealistic, why did you stand up there and say those words? Why not take them out? My friend purposely took “obey” out of her vows. She knew she would never be able to “obey” her husband. But he knew this going in and still chose to marry her.

I am fully aware that a majority of society feels divorce is an option. So I am fully prepared to be a life long single. As much as I enjoy the ocmpany of the guy I’m dating, I don’t know if our relationship can last until death. And I’m not so into being “married” that I’d ignore these signs just to have the experience of locking someone down.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

abc I was a kid of divorce and my parents both had long term relationships after the divorce. With my mother and one guy she dated, I never really knew they were dating until years later. There was one that she dated for many years and I actually wished that she would marry him, he was so much fun to be around. With my dad, he only had two long-term girlfriends while I was little. I have no idea how long they had dated before I met them, but I didn’t really care. Thinking like a kid, I was just happy that my parents seemed happy. I wanted both of my parents to be happy more than anything else.

So dating divorcees, your kids are probably thinking the same thing, especially if they understand a little of why you got divorced and don’t hold anything against you or your former spouse. My parents didn’t bring just anybody around, but when they did bring someone, I was happy for them.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

melo, divorce is only an option if the wife cheats…………all the other reasons pple give are frivolous and selfish, aren’t you contradicting yourself? Your saying if ANYONE else divorce because they’re mate cheated is frivolous and selfish, yet you feel within your rights to divorce for the very same reason? Not only that, are you saying that if your wife was to find you cheating, she should stay and work the marriage out, cause it’s simply frivolous and selfish on her part to divorce you for cheating? That she should wait until she’s too old for anyone else to want her? your not serious, are you?…

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

@abc

Now you’re scaring me.

Only a sociopath would go through the travails of dating and not have an emotional reaction to the situation. Subsequently, everyone in their lives that is familiar with them can tell a difference, especially their child.

So to think that mom or dad goes out and meets “the one” then likely stuff wouldn’t change. But from dating, to child support, to paying the mothly bills, homie, life as a single parent is hard. There will be emotions.

Bet five if you asked your kids about their situations, their answers would likely surprise you.

By melo

August 5, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

I love my dad, but dude was crazy and she did the best that she could to make things work for me and my sister. U looking at that marriage from a child’s eyes…at 12,what did u knw about the happenings of the marriage.And girls usualy support the mother,even when she is wrong(they have no clue).Been there…….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Slim Girl I am sorry about your job mami. Stay tough and keep looking. QC….got any options for you?

Sassy I feel you on the 2nd thing. I do not want to alter my plans because of kids. Don’t tell me that you can take me to Disney World because your kids will be upset! I will not have my life governed by kids!

AM As far as children go, I don’t have any and I refused to date guys with children. Too much baggage and the ex is never completely out of the picture when children are involved. I feel the same way. The exception would be if the kids live in another state. I just can’t deal with the mama drama. For some reason they think you want their kids…like you wnat to be their mother. I am like, “trick I do not have my own kids for a reason, now ehy the hell would I want yours”? Get real! I likee…no LOVE my kid-free life. Its a freedom that I would not trade for anything.

ARED Toxic Bachelors…..LOL please elaborate.

Deev4life wow, just like that? I am sorry.

Damn Sidelines….that is crazy! Run girl run! LOL

**

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Amazon My friend purposely took “obey” out of her vows. She knew she would never be able to “obey” her husband. But he knew this going in and still chose to marry her.

He probably made the right choice for him. He knew that if she took her “obey” out, his “obey” went right along with it, since vows are reciprocal. LOL! They did keep the “love and honor” part in, right?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

“too much activity will have them looking at you sideways, cockeyed and nose turned up all at one time.”

too much activity and they oughta be looking at you sideways….discretion is the operative word.

By Poppa Grande

August 5, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Slim

Keep yo’ head up.

Hopefully, you keep yourself laughing as much as you keep us laughing. Hey if you can’t laugh at yourself….

Dan

ABC is correct. Children are not only self-centered, but they are resilient also. They hurt if mommy shows that she is hurt. At that point, it affects their world.

SexyLeggs

Did you hear Baisden yesterday (I only listen on Monday because it is kids topics on Mondays)? They talked about Lil Wayne’s song “Lollipop.” Most kids knew exactly what he was talking about. Including one as young as 5 years old.

By abc

August 5, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Who do you think you’re telling, Dan? I am a single parent.

It would help if you could put together a coherent sentence, one with an actual complete thought. What exactly are you trying to say? From your position of inexperience, what exactly do you think you know?

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

melo U looking at that marriage from a child’s eyes…at 12,what did u knw about the happenings of the marriage.

I was 7. I knew that I was tired of not being able to sleep at night from hearing the fights coming from their room. All I needed to know was that it wasn’t working, which coincidentally, is the same thing my parents figured out. One thing you can’t question me on is what I have been through or what I felt while I was going through it. At 31, I would feel the exactly same way. Common sense, at 7 or at 31, would tell you that discord and strife does not make for the best home environment.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

ARed, not one of is said til death was unrealistic. We’re only saying it wasn’t possible for us. You make them in the first place because you truly believed in your vows. When life takes a turn for the worst and you find yourself with a man or woman who just doesn’t care or who doesn’t even want to work at the marriage you can stay and lose your soul to this person. You can stay and remain unhappy and miserable to death. Yes, you can stay and do everything within your power to help the situation stay afloat. But, when you realize that you’re the only one and you are dying inside day by day, what would you do. Continue to lay w/someone you despise, continue to co-exist w/some you hate or someone who hates you because of til death do us part? The intent is there, life circumstances somestimes yield a different result. I’m not on a soap box just really wondering. Let me ask you this….besides physical abuse, is there any other reason you can find that would warrant one seeking a divorce??

By Leroy

August 5, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Divorced?? That’s why I never married any o them ho’s I knock up. i’m clean an free ladies!

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Stace, girl I did! Like I said dropped them both like bad habits.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Slim….you could take that severance and upgrade the Flea Market booth……just a thought….

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Foots - They kept all the vows, but obey. Still going strong, at least for now. And she wants to move out of state and he doesn’t. So shey is “obeying” him…for now. LOL

I also knew when my parents were having problems in their marriage. Well, my mom is a pessimist, so there is always a problem. I heard no fighting, but I do remember that there were times I wished they’d get a divorce already (but I WAS a kid, who thought divorced was “cool” cuz everybody’s parents were).

I know my parents can’t say they were happy at all times in their marriage. But I am glad they stuck together because they are a team. They share in their success and failures. Even when they don’t particulary LIKE each other for the moment.

I say neither party at fault more than the other, from my limited view as their kid.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

ARED My friend purposely took “obey” out of her vows.8 Hell it should not have ever been in there! What kind of grown woman slinks back into a child’s place? As a kid..I obey parents and adults. As a grown woman the word obey is no longer in my vocab…unles it pertains to obeying laws to keep me from jail.

melo divorce is only an option if the wife cheats Perhaps you should reprhase that to include husband as well. It is sounding like you think its ok for a husband to cheat…but God forbid a wife does it…hell has a snow day and the world stop turning and she is the most vile person alive huh? SMH I also think divorce is the option if one becaomes physically abusive. There is nothing to work out once you put your hands on me. If I do not kill you…you best believe there would be no discussion except who gets to keep what in the divorce….oh and I would press charges…go get your azz beat up by real men in prison who do not choose to beat on women. Hope they put you with a rapist as your cell mate! LOL

By Hot Lurker

August 5, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Foots is always pompous, arrogant and so dxxn full of herself. She is a pathetic loser who wants to impress others she’s on the ball and knows everything. Stop it… enough already Foots. She has to comment and challange all male bloggers like she is so smart and something special. Get over yourself, loser.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Ok 2C you’re right there. Wrong choice of words on my part. Just don’t believe in introducing everyone to my child. Discretion is the key!

Yes, I had a 7 year old on the track team tell another 8 year old that she shouldn’t be singing that song because it was about a girl lick a boy’s privates. I was flabbergasted. The girl’s mother went to the parent of the “code cracker” to tell her that her girl could sing the song because she only knew it as licking a lollipop and that’s how she wanted it to remain. Now, she has to turn the station when the song comes on!

And Foots, nothing like being an only young child to constantly wake up to the screams, arguing, cussing and can’t huddle w/a sibling trying to figure things out. You love both your parents, but it’s obvious they are not meant to be together. Sometimes the union of 2 turns out to be a hot mess. Plain and simple!

By melo

August 5, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

SIDELINES yes,yes,yes to all of ur qs…she needs to stay put,grieve but be up and running to save the marriage.Its frivolous to find me in bed with another and then run…marriage is a lyfe long commitment… foots that man who allowed obey outa of the vows is not a man…Not everyone(men and wmen) is qualified to be married,sme of u just need to stay single, and dish out the goods to diff men from time to time, till u drop dead….it is what it is,i wld luv to be a doc myself,but i dont have the brains, so ill stay put,bloging and earning my peanuts,thats hw life works……..

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:58 AM | Link to this

@abc

I..will..slow…it..down..for..you..then.

Right, I don’t have kids, but I am the child of a single mother. And my “inexperience” is as a single parent. But believe me, son, I saw everytime she went to bed without dinner. I saw when we got clothes and she didn’t.

She did what she could to keep the strain of her duties hidden, but it’s not possible.

So…deese.

@PG

Y’all go right ahead and think that your child can’t see what you go through. Children pick up on emotional states becuase that’s how they view the world until school and even after.

So what are you too saying, as long as I buy them stuff, they’re fine..that’s not even bright.

That you can withhold your emotional state? Really? Think your child has never overheard you on the phone?

Y’all are sounding like self-centerd children

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

…there are some very strong feelings and opinons up in here! whew

Question:

If those of you who have not married or had kids before were in the situation where you did get married, had the kid/kids and your spouse god forbid left you, died or just became detached from the family altogether. What would we divorced/widowed and/or single parent think/say then?

Lawd…

Some ppl are professionals at getting a lady or man married up, have the kid, and dip. So let’s stop it with the idea that we/you are all protected/prevented from the tiered.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 11:02 AM | Link to this

With all of these folks killing their spouses because they want a divorce, one day we’re going to see a defense that reads “I was obeying my vows when they said til death do we part, so one of us had to die and we voted that it should be her”.

Dan I have to step out for a few hours soon. What’s your question?

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 11:03 AM | Link to this

Let me ask you this….besides physical abuse, is there any other reason you can find that would warrant one seeking a divorce??

SexyLeggs - Physcially abuse and infidelity. That’s it. Other than that, I made my bed, I’ll lie in it.

I’m sure most married couples can say their were times in their marriage where they were “dying” inside. Just ask my grandmother. However, there are those who get thru it and those who give up. Some of you went in to marriage with good intentions, but you knew you were marrying the wrong person or for the wrong reasons, to begin with.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 11:05 AM | Link to this

By the way, SexyLeggs, “AM” did say it was unrealistic and it was her I was addressing anyway. A lot of the divorced people on here get really defensive about their chocie. You did what was best for you at the time. But you’ll never know what could have happened if you hadn’t quit. Could have been worse, could have been better.

By BLOW ME u BIZZIES

August 5, 2008 11:07 AM | Link to this

SlimOne Don’t you worry…it’s a blessing behind a struggle. You may not believe it now…but this could be the best thing that can happen to you. It happen to me…when $hit WHOLE AJC laid me off…It was a blessing more than I ever expected…That whole company is about to fold…except for the online depts…No one reads the paper…now they are doing MASSIVE layoffs. But you are a hustler…you can definitely handle it…This can be a positive come up move…more than you ever expected.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

Some of you went in to marriage with good intentions, but you knew you were marrying the wrong person or for the wrong reasons, to begin with. Ok, I concede to you…you nailed it right there! Hence, some of us divorcees on this blog. I raise my guilty hand first!

By ContentmentPersonified

August 5, 2008 11:08 AM | Link to this

GOOD MORNING ALL!! We don’t introduce jus erbody to our chirren - atleast, I didn’t. What if the child became attached to Mr.Didn’tMakeTheGrade and now my son/daughter can’t see him no more, like Blanco mentioned? I would’t throw an opportunity for possibly the love of a lifetime because a potential SO had a child or two. I do suggest, however, that the children be very young,as they are easier to charm than adolescents. DEMI, where are you?? Dis Storm, at home with her baby boy. And no, it’s not an imposter, as I’m aware that some nut signs on occassionally as storm so she can get away with saying something she wants to say to get y’all fired up. I have a question for 2cptg:Why would a person sign on to an anonymous blog and use a disguise-that is, another name-to post some mess? After all, aren’t you supposed to be grown? Just askin.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

All due respect PG and abc,

But don’t presume to know my experience or for that matter your children.

I don’t disagree with your larger point that kids “can” take stuff, but recognize that some wounds aren’t even felt until later in life, and some you (as a parent) can’t guard against.

That’s my point

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 11:09 AM | Link to this

ARed So you gotta sit there for a month, acting like you care about the job you’re about to lose. Well they had a remedy for that…if we start coming in all Willy Nilly there goes your severance pkg. This morning, what if i just don’t go. But my cat came purring to ensure I got my azz out the bed..Almost as if he said, he wanna make sure he continues to have a steady supply of cat food and expensive azz kitty litter. lol

Who knows, maybe I can launch my stand-up career. My first show will be in The Varsities Ladies Restroom. First 3 jays gets in free.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 11:10 AM | Link to this

Leroy where is my $223.00 for that child’s uniforms i bought this morning?

You ain’t free yet…

By Foots

August 5, 2008 11:11 AM | Link to this

Hot Lurker Thanks for your interest, but I am no longer accepting applications. LOL!!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 11:12 AM | Link to this

Dan I can co-sign on your stance about kids knowing whats going on a lot of times, though they may not know everything. I stated before that y marriage counselor told me & ex-hubby that our 18 mnth old was aware that something wasnt right at home. It wasnt until we began to see for ourselves that we believed it. His whining if someone’s voice changed, how he clung to me if I cried and threw tantrums if is dad and I attempted to hug each other. Even now he gets this look of panic on his face if ex-hubby and I are too close. Its amazing in a sad way how kids know….

By melo

August 5, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this

Perhaps you should reprhase that to include husband as well, Nope, refer to my 10.56 reply to sidelines I didnt come up with the obey rules,GOD did..so take all ur frustratations and complaints to GOD if u think the marriage covenant is unfair or better yet stay single.U will still answer to HIM when HE asks u why u passed on the opportunity to marry when that eligible guy proposed.So never think u off the hook.I suggest tho,that if u pass on marriage coz u dnt wanna obey,make it a habit to go to church and pray,one of ur forgive me and my sins prayer might just be answered.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 11:14 AM | Link to this

Ok, I concede to you…you nailed it right there! Hence, some of us divorcees on this blog. I raise my guilty hand first!

LOL. SexyLeggs, you are a good blogger. Like I said, we ALL (including my single behind) make the best decisions for us at the time.

I am heading to my sister’s shotgun wedding with the best wishes for her marriage. I really hope it all works out for them.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 11:19 AM | Link to this

Mo aww…lil Mo was a baby when you split. Yea, they will act out.

By lurker

August 5, 2008 11:24 AM | Link to this

Y’all are sounding like self-centerd children

in that case, describe this … (other than unnecessary)

So…deese.

By I was the divorcee

August 5, 2008 11:25 AM | Link to this

Sometimes dating a recently divorced person works and you should not follow your instinct to cut and run. I’m an example of that. I was divorced less than a month when I met my (now) husband. He had been divorced for 2 years and had 2 children. He was startled and concerned when he found out how recently I had been divorced and, initially, thought he should not get involved. Luckily, he did - we have been married very happily for 15 years and are each other’s best friend. His children became our children and we raised them together - as partners. I know people need time to get over relationships and move on - but everyone is different. You’ll miss out if you aren’t open to or don’t recognize the opportunity.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 11:32 AM | Link to this

contenmentpersonified, I’m not sure I understand your question: “Why would a person sign on to an anonymous blog and use a disguise-that is, another name-to post some mess? After all, aren’t you supposed to be grown?”

Are you saying I’m using a fake moniker? Didn’t you say you’re Storm? That ain’t the name you posted under…..so what you sayin?

By Dan

August 5, 2008 11:33 AM | Link to this

@lurker

I try and keep the discourse centered on the point made, but abc chose to critique my writing and (without knowledge) made an attempt to demean my life experience. So when the conversations devolves into personal attacks, things get juvenile.

If I offended you or anyone else…

Deese

By melo

August 5, 2008 11:36 AM | Link to this

Dan,Tazzee Dallas was nice but very stifling hot..we had a ball tho and our hosts were very gracious,our hotel was nice,its really sweet to take the wify out so she can give me wild,undivided attn eve nw and then(without the kids poppn in and out)….my back waz sore,thats why i was missing yesterday……

By The Snark

August 5, 2008 11:37 AM | Link to this

There ain’t no one rule, folks. Keep your eyes open and follow your instincts. I got remarried less than two years after a bad divorce — my new wife had been divorced for nine years — and we couldn’t be happier.

PS To the poor guy dating my ex-wife — whoever you are — be sure to get a complete family history before you make any big decisions!

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 11:38 AM | Link to this

Dan the things you describe are not limited to dating. Kids can sense our posture in any circumstance. So I wouldn’t say that would be a reason for my kids to not have met some of the men I went out with. You think because a child does not meet the person who breaks your heart makes you have less of a reaction to it. No. My reasons were my kids just didn’t need to meet all of my friends. Especially when the chances were better than not that they wouldn’t be around that long.

And there is not such thing in my house that if you were around my kids would not have the pleasure or displeasure of meeting and getting to know you. Ain’t no way I was going to have someone hanging at my place and I acted like my kids were invisible. Neither would I have allowed that person to. I eliminated all of that by not having them over in the first place. I met too many guys that stated they were okay with the kids but really wasn’t. It’s not hard to decipher between the two.

By Randyt (aka "been there, done that, got a closet with even more t-shirts)

August 5, 2008 11:39 AM | Link to this

I have not read all of the posts, but I totally agree with abc. The kids are more of an issue with the parents, not the kids themselves.

Almost without exception it takes one “helllll” of a lot longer than anyone thinks to get past the anger, hurt, bitterness, etc. Almost all who go through divorce THINK they are over it long before they really are. I have been divorced for 8 plus years now and have dated dozens of divorcees so maybe I have learned a few things. I have been the guy with baggage. I have dated many ladies with baggage. I have even been the guy who got past the baggage.

I thought I was over my divorce in the first relationship I was in, but in looking back, I still had raw nerve endings, that were nowhere near healed. Any time the new lady accidentally hit one of those nerves (like putting me behind every thing like my wife did), I would get furious and totally forget all the good in the relationship. Instead I would say I hit the door thinking I would NEVER deal with that kind of issue again…just proof that I had not healed.

It probably caused the end of the relationship I valued most because I still held the anger. Only when one has truly let go of the anger and the hurt, are they really ready for a new relationship. When they can talk about those issues and realize that there is no pain, just insight.

Regarding women, I have lost two ladies back to their ex-husbands (maybe I should have tried harder to keep them, but I just said bye). These were ladies that said were “past it”…but apparently not. With women, I think it may take several years.

The clue is when they talk about their ex, is it with anger (red flag), is it with admiration (red flag), or is it with total detachment (maybe okay)???

I really don’t know what actually works…maybe that is why I am still single LOL.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 11:41 AM | Link to this

Cemeeli yea Lil mo was probably just over a year old when we split and we finalized it a year later. But to see how lil mo acted was crazy!! I noticed first and that was when I knew we had to do something one way or another and make a conscious effort to provide the best (& most peaceful) evironment possible for our child. We are stil trying to demonstrate that the situation is better so that Lil Mo will be okay w mom & dad being around each other.

By Blanca

August 5, 2008 11:44 AM | Link to this

I was the divorcee Great story! Have to ask… were you still dealing with the emotional ramifications of your divorce when you met your current husband, or had you made peace with it? Did you speak of it often when the two of you began dating?

By Poppa Grande

August 5, 2008 11:45 AM | Link to this

Dan

So what are you too saying, as long as I buy them stuff, they’re fine..that’s not even bright.

Show me where I said that at all!…You are all emotional right now!

Let me slow it down for you!

Have you ever read the book “Who moved my cheese?” Kids are like that. (All people are like that.) They like “normalcy”. When something breaks their “normalcy”, it affects them.

Mom not getting dinner and making sure that you did, implies that there were times that you all had dinner. So, it was normal for her to eat. When she didn’t, it wasn’t normal. Thus, your “normalcy” was affected. Whether you thought about it consciously or not.

You were just a self-centered as all kids are. YOU wanted your mom to be happy. Thus, it was about you as much as it was about her. It made you feel good to see her happy. There was some benefit to you.

Like Kanye says “We are all self-conscious, I am just the first to admit it.”

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

I mean, I just find it kind of humorous that folks are saying “the kids know the kids know” but when it comes to making your decision on marriage you didn’t “know” exactly what you were getting into. I guess those instincts stop when you become legal or something or maybe we just do a good job of ignorning them and hoping for the best.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 11:46 AM | Link to this

melo, Incredible!!! It is YOUR marriage…all the best!

Not everyone(men and wmen) is qualified to be married,sme of u just need to stay single, and dish out the goods to diff men from time to time, till u drop dead….…I guess you would be the authority!

By David S.

August 5, 2008 11:47 AM | Link to this

Being a divorcee,I think that it’s ok to date someone who’s divorced. The problem lies in the fact that some people jump back into the dating game to soon. Tha;s when the problem’s arise. TAKE YOUR TIME

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 11:50 AM | Link to this

Mo, can you ask Lil Mo what this weeks Mega Millions numbers are? I think your kid has “the gift.” LOL

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 11:54 AM | Link to this

Great story! I know it happens IWTDivorcee.

By For Real

August 5, 2008 11:55 AM | Link to this

Dan The “single mom experience” that you have is because your mom chose to expose you to her emotional ups and downs. Thus your feelings on this subject. However, many parent do not expose their children to their dating experience.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Have to laugh PoppaG, that book is right here on my desk!

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

Has any of you Californians (or not) visited the Ojai Resort?

By ContentmentPersonified

August 5, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

2cptg, don’t confuse chosing a name change with use of an assumed identity. I owned who I was when I included it in my post. RandyT, I have to agree with your statement about taking time to heal and the flags. Good observations. AND it is important to dump the junk before dragging it into the next relationship, so you have to do a self-assessment during the aftermath.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 11:56 AM | Link to this

melo God does not condemn somebody for not getting married. I do not want to be married! People act like marraige isthe ultimate prize in life! Maybe to some that is all they want…I want bigger and better things in my life. So the whole family thing would be a hinderance to me. The bible has been translated so many times by so many different people in charge. So I do not take its every word as the word of God. The ones in charge (govenrment/church) will always manipulate things to say what they want. I do not believe a woman is to obey like she is some mindless twit who is jsut on earth to birth babies, wash knickers and cook food! That is crap! But of course that is what you men tend to think! Funny! Women mature faster for a reason….because men are slower! So why the hell would I cower down as a grown woman? Stupid! Not going to happen!

By melo

August 5, 2008 11:59 AM | Link to this

I guess you would be the authority! dnt get upset,iam just saying what i see from my exp and observations,no authority here,but my observns are freqntly accurate,if this makes u upset,im sorry,but life aint fair sweetie,why shld i sugercoat to please sme anonymous audience?

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 12:00 PM | Link to this

Well, I have some interested in me, just don’t have anyone interested in having a relationship (as far as I know) so no one comes through my front door! As many have stated here, TAKE YOUR TIME.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 12:01 PM | Link to this

make a conscious effort to provide the best (& most peaceful) evironment possible for our child.

Mo of course you guys are doing your best, and lil mo is benefiting from you and your ex making his world as normal as possible.

I really don’t know what actually works…maybe that is why I am still single LOL.

silence is best here ^…

By Dan

August 5, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

@PG

I don’t disagree at all that “normalcy” is important and that the “normalcy” that was broken affected me.

In that line of logic…have you never had a bad day? And, do you think your kids have noticed? Or, are that rare human that can mask all emotions?

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 12:03 PM | Link to this

ARed I am going to laugh at your 11:50 to keep from cussin. And that being said I’ll move on.

PoppaG totally agree with you on the normalcy post. I just didnt think kids reacted til I was grown and had one of my own.

Hey Randyt good to read you agai

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 12:04 PM | Link to this

Contentment, ok…..still, what is your question? You asked this initially, ““Why would a person sign on to an anonymous blog and use a disguise-that is, another name-to post some mess?”……what does that question have to do with me? As Pop’s likes to say, you’re implying that I’m using a fake moniker……

By lurker

August 5, 2008 12:06 PM | Link to this

Foots 9:54 I agree but be sure to interpet and read all and as sure. You are free to leave an unbelieving spouse or in the case of infidelity but you are not free to remarry/hookup/go at it again, etc. No, none of us does God required to stay in something not healthy but if you search a bit deeper. You may not be bound or subjected to infidelities, abuse, someone crossing the grain of your faith. Don’t gotta stay, just can’t pick up another.

By lurker

August 5, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

Foots 9:54 Exactly. However, free to leave due to infidelity or an unbelieving spouse does not give the green light to find another.

By m'karyl

August 5, 2008 12:08 PM | Link to this

I prefer not to engage myself with anyone who has had a recent relationship break-up…too much unreconciled emotional angst involved…whenever I meet someone who indicates the he is just rebounding from a break up, especially divorce, I can be no more than a sympathetic ear for only so long and so many times…I do not think people are as ready to move on psychologically or emotionally has they can readily do physically after a bad break up…there must be time to heal and reconcile the emotional issues that remain with us, our own issues with the situation…still there…my number one indicator is the tone of voice used to refer to the “ex” and the look of hostility/anger in their eyes when they say it…

By Page1908

August 5, 2008 12:11 PM | Link to this

Mo Lil Mo is just soooo adorable!

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli I refuse to argue/engage in conversation that isnt about the child. Now me & ex do get along but it wasnt always so kosher. I get nauseaous just thinking about it. Emotions are a helluva thing to reckon with.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

How do you know what’s appropriate to talk about with a new partner? Talk about life, your/their goals, likes/dislikes, food, sports, movies, etc….JUST DON’T TALK ABOUT EXES UP FRONT!

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

Mo - Did you take my 11:50 as some sort of insult? All I was saying is that you have a very receptive kid.

By m'karyl

August 5, 2008 12:15 PM | Link to this

@RandyT

@11:39 post…exactly what I believe to be true…ppl do not seem to realize that the emotional/psychological behaviors and attitudes remain a long time after teh actual relationship has ended…and many ppl do not seem to readily pick up the pieces, examine the remains and reconstruct a life after the fact…ain’t nothing worse then doing someone else’s emotional leftovers.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 12:16 PM | Link to this

melo, hun…not upset at all! TRUST me, to be honest after reading your response, I actually laughed at your ‘observations’ and felt there was no need to even continue the convo based on your response itself. But as you’ve indicated they are exactly that YOUR observations in some skewed kind of way (IMO…and I’m entitled) and YOURS alone. And, your also absolutely correct in that these are ONLY words from an anonymous audience; I was being facetious when I referred to your ‘being the authority’. No need to sugahcoat anything. I’m good…!

By melo

August 5, 2008 12:17 PM | Link to this

So I do not take its every word as the word of God… u can pick and choose what u want from the bible,its a free world….they do that in hollywood bye the way(pick verses and vows that fit their crazy wrld),so u in sme company….I do not believe a woman is to obey like she is some mindless twit, thats just u reducing wmen to mindless twits,i do obey instructions/rules/regulations here on my job,but i aint mindless,i got a good functioning brain…marriage is an institution and any good institution must have a head and rules/reg to make it work.If u cannot grasp that,then yeah,u doing what fits ur mentality and level of understanding….

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 12:18 PM | Link to this

(sigh)…Hello all…

Cee

…you’re all up in ya’ girl’s subconscious with that 11:02 of yours…unfortunately, some thrive on the “beat down” of the dead horse.

Everyone has a story…a story that has made some sort of impact on their lives; now whether or not they chose to allow the cards dealt to them, make or break their outcome(s) is up to the individual…be it single, married, divorced or widowed…”kid-free” (as some prefer to label it) or not.

On another note, IMO, folks who have more in depth experience when dealing with children (whether “family by blood” or “family by love”) seem to (unfortunately NOT always) have a broader outlook on life…a life that is not always “self-absorbed” or in other words “soley THEIR own”…esp since their was once upon a time…we were ALL children ourselves.

…and in addition to that, as I believe I’ve stated awhile back, although I’ve dated both the “single-pops” as well as the single w/ no children…I’d rather seriously consider the man that at least has either: one or more child(ren)providing that he’s an outstanding father and provider -OR- has plenty of experience interacting with children…(although my preference is not soley based on the fact that I have three daughters), but simply because I’ve always found that I’m an natural when it comes to interacting with children, (as I recall, someone saying he believed to be my true calling, especially with our young girls today)…even as an only child.

By lurker

August 5, 2008 12:19 PM | Link to this

Leroy by demeaning your previous encounters as hos will encourage the ladies you’re soliciting for? And all in the same breath I might add.

Dan Some of you people need to re-read or slow down when reading or take a break. I was agreeing with your post.

By melo

August 5, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

God does not condemn somebody for not getting married i had to laugh at that one…so u think having sme fwb is better….sexxing up evrybody and anybody………is ur Bible personally customized?

By Poppa Grande

August 5, 2008 12:22 PM | Link to this

Dan

I have no kids, but I am a Big Brother (in the big bro/bis sis program).

I’m they notice. But, once again, unless I have a bad day every time we interact, it isn’t normal.

Whether someone mask or it not isn’t the issue. It is an attempt to justify the change in “normalcy”. Whether justified or not, it still happened.

I’ve been my parents’ child my whole life. They may not have been able to mask everything, but it still boils down the fact that when things weren’t “normal”, it affected me.

Tell me that you got no benefit from your mom being happy. At that point, I’d concede.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 12:23 PM | Link to this

ARed My bad chica, initially I did with regards to your 11:50. Blame it on speed reading and trying to answer emails & blog. My apologies. Yeah he is receptive, at his age they are sponges so they soak up everything.

SexyLeggs I only talk about my ex when asked. Most want to know if daddy is involved in my baby’s life. I am upfront and honest so there is no room for misunderstanding.

Hey Page1908! That child is something else. You know he has learned the baseball song (Take me out to the ball game) and sings it all the time. Lawd help me when baseball season ends

By melo

August 5, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

even continue the convo based on your response itself. frankly speaking, i look at u as a failure and me a success,when looking at marriage and i sense thats why u shy from debate and adressing my points….until i divorce or walk away or she does, i think im on point….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 12:26 PM | Link to this

melo I read your sexist twisted pists everyday and it is you who reduce women to mindless/spineless twits! You make is seem like men can do whatever they want and the woman is supposed to shut up, put up with it and turn the blind eye like she is moronic Stepford Wife who’s only mission in life is to please her husband! Her feelings and respect be damned huh? After all she is just a woman! That is what I gather from your posts! If it were possible I would love to see you live as woman under the conditions you speak of…these opressive views you have would change becaiuse you would then see how it feels to have someone tell you to grow up but you must become a child to your husband! HA!

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

Hi M’karyl. Off topic Agnes Scott is a small eclectic and very feminine school. women that attend seem very deeply educated. I knew there was something different about you. You should adopt and teach a young chile like myself some of those classical studies. I didn’t get any during my school dayz. So now you gotta hire me as ‘stone counter’ and adopt me as “special porject”. hehehe

Mo if you want ‘em, i have about 3 more cheese toast leftover. They have that tasty Sargento finely shreaded mexican mix golden toasted.

now fervently searching for some kegs of Pepsi for Mo.

kumbaya!

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 12:29 PM | Link to this

looka Jamo…they done promoted her to the 1st shift on the security force, and she bringin’ the funk, now….go ‘head, gal!!!!

By Dan

August 5, 2008 12:30 PM | Link to this

@PG

There’s no doubt that I received benefits (felt better about the world actually) when Mom’s was happy.

But doesn’t the theory of self actualization state that happiness is itself a product of greed? I mean, don’t we all recieve benefits from our loved one’s happiness?

I wasn’t arguing that at all.

@Lurker

Deese (just because) ;)

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 12:32 PM | Link to this

Mo, no problem, lady.

That brings me to another issue I wonder about. Do you think the emotions a mother deal with during pregnancy tranfer to the kid? I ask because I see some truly happy babies, and while I don’t know what is going on at home, I notice their parents seem happy too.

I wonder if there is conflict during pregnancy if that also transfers.

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’

The father says, ’ Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.

The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep Shyt

By Page1908

August 5, 2008 12:36 PM | Link to this

Mo LOL that’s cute! I’d much rather him sing the baseball song than some of these other songs I hear kids singing. Plus, didn’t he just turn 3? I love that age! I used to teach pre-school and I just love the 3-5 age range…they are still cute and a little chubby kinda like babies lol.

ARed Fyi…don’t forget all new episode of BH tonight. I think Gerren is gonna get into some mess again lol go figure lol.

By m'karyl

August 5, 2008 12:39 PM | Link to this

@Cemeeli

Indeed, Agnes Scott is a very ecelectic academic environment…compared to the other schools I attended over the years until I finally completed my degree from there…I really enjoyed the experience and it fit me well as a person who has to define her own “structured learning experience”…and the fact that it is a small student to professor ration allows for more enhanced interactive learning experience as well…I would not trade it for anything…best thing about being in GA for me…

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 12:40 PM | Link to this

Melo where have you read that I have been sexing anybody? Well I have not! I am not governed bt ny sex organs! I have self control! So don’t judge…

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 12:43 PM | Link to this

Jamoca uh, can we have a carwash to raise money for this back-to-school money for these children? Somebody is lyin’ with the hype around all this. I remember my mom just buying whatever she wanted to send me to school with (outfits, shoes and supplies and all) and dared someone give her a “list” of what to get with HER hard earned money. LOL. I am such a sucker!

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

frankly speaking, i look at u as a failure and me a success,when looking at marriage…again, your opinion of someone you don’t even know, do I care, NOPE!

i sense thats why u shy from debate and adressing my points…, it is called picking my own battles/debates!

Have a nice day!

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 12:44 PM | Link to this

Random Thought……

If you cain’t meet the kids (specially lil boys) til something is established…..outside of male family members, where are their role models???

Hmmmmm, the Peewee football coach in me now knows why an 11 year old is out there whinin’ all the time…..Mama ain’t lettin him interact with no men, unless something is being established…..makin sense now!

By melo

August 5, 2008 12:48 PM | Link to this

is you who reduce women to mindless/spineless twits! u not serious,u tell me u have already decided what u wanna do with ur lyfe and marriage based on my blog posts?? u give me too much credit…. hw about all the other married guys on here,what do u think of their marriages and wives and lives…,they are twists too??I think its u,who has pent up anger over sme failed relatnships and look at marriage/relatiships etc from the prison view of ur past failed relathioships.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 12:49 PM | Link to this

AmazonR When I was preggie with my son a woman told me if you want to have a good baby..eat good food, think good thoughts and listen to good music..all of that will make for a great baby. Well, I can honestly say my son was a really wonderful baby(I know all mother’s think so) but I didnt have trouble with him crying or whining..he loves all genr of music(including classical). So I really believe that yes you pass on personality traits to your child good or bad during pregnancy.

By Page1908

August 5, 2008 12:50 PM | Link to this

Staceye Mija, why do you bother going back and forth with Melo? Isn’t this is the same dude who cheats on his wife and has encounters with other dudes? If I recall, some of the Blog dudes were raggin on him one day because of some of this comments. He obviously respects his wife to the fullest, wouldn’t you agree? Plus, dude said many times he is African, so come on now! Keep on truckin’ lol

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this

Page1908 Yeah he just turned 3! They are so cute at that age b/c you can see their personalities really come thru. I love Baldwin Hills also so I will be watching tonight!

ARed I have heard something similar to your questions about pregnancy and babies, their demeanor upon birth. I would imagine it could definitely happen. They say babies know the moms voice but they can know dad’s voice too if he talks to baby as if he/she is already here (in a calm soothing voice).

Cemeeli thanks for that Pepsi chica

By melo

August 5, 2008 12:52 PM | Link to this

have you read that I have been sexing anybody? not u personally,but anybody/everbody who decides not to marry……

By Poppa Grande

August 5, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this

Dan

That’s right.

However, it is a product of self-actualization or self-preservation?

We tend to do things that benefit us mentally & emotionally because we don’t like to feel pain whether it be physical pain and/or emotional pain. Both are forms of stress on the human body that aren’t good for it and can shorten life or manifest itself in form of hypertension, diabetes, stroke, or heart attacks. So the human instinct wants to eliminate that pain (stress).

If you go with the self-actualization school of thought, you must add spiritually in the mix. Then, there is an internal struggle in all of us, especially since many of us know that greed is one of the seven deadly sins. Therefore, we try to justify it. It is still there; whether, we justify it or not.

I’m not saying that either is right or wrong. I just acknowledge them.

Personally I think that its a combination.

By melo

August 5, 2008 12:57 PM | Link to this

Isn’t this is the same dude who cheats on his wife and has encounters with other dudes? If I recall, some of the Blog dudes were raggin on him one day because of some of this comments. He obviously respects his wife to the fullest, wouldn’t you agree? Plus, dude said many times he is African, so come on now! Keep on truckin’ lol that waz hilarious,dude said many times he is African even funnier…..

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 12:58 PM | Link to this

2C

…sigh…

If you cain’t meet the kids (specially lil boys) til something is established…..outside of male family members, where are their role models??? There are none.

His coaches are the closet he comes to malebond away from the preist in my family.

I have a long time male friend that has 3 boys and he likes to do “round up with all the boys and take ‘em out for guy stuff…but since he’s having babymom issues and his wife just had baby, so now it’s on me.

flip side…i’ve been told from some of the dad from the teams: Don’t worry yourself about that boy he is just fine, he’s more adapt and roughly as some of these other boys.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

Wowzers Page!. By the way, thanks for the heads up on BH. I did remember to set the DVR tonite!

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

What’s up folks?

melo I’m glad you had a good time this past weekend - enough of a good time that you had to take a day off to recoup, LOL.

On-topic I’ve never dated a divorcee before nor have I ever really dealt with a guy’s kids. I have to agree with 2can though - I don’t think kids need to know if a friend of the opposite sex is a romantic friend. If someone can’t control their dating emotions around a child then they shouldn’t be dating at all - I don’t think it has to do with when they meet the kids.

What I mean by that is, it doesn’t matter if the kids have met the person or not - if you’re all laid out in the fetal position over a break up and the child sees it, that’s still going to affect them. I also think it’s good to see how a child interacts with your ‘friend’ before introducing them as (or making them) your special friend.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this

@PG

Agreed.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 1:04 PM | Link to this

Cee, I’m glad you admitted as much…“His coaches are the closet he comes to malebond”…..I see this mess every year…Mama’s dropping their sons off at practices, or games, while out “dating”…..dude cain’t meet him, but we’re forced to try to instill some sort of manliness in ‘em in 2-3 hours per day…..GTFOH!

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 1:05 PM | Link to this

2Can, I can’t speak for other single moms, but for me and mine. I’ve been rather blessed to have a unique situation in that, my ex regardless of our divorced has been a major part of my young men’s lives on a daily basis. He takes care of them as if he was still living in the household. I never had issue with child support, he’s (my ex) has not missed any football or basketball games (until we moved here). But, he has come to some of these games as well. He has been involved in every aspect of what goes on with my children. My men are physically, mentally and emotionally strong/confident in who they are and have a strong sense of family. So, in that regard we have been blessed.

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 1:07 PM | Link to this

hi everyone!

i’ve dated several and none are willing to jump in da game anytime soon. their too busy traveling and doing different things ——-> growing.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 1:09 PM | Link to this

thank you, Tazz…..cause I’ll bet a dollar to a dime, somma these same gals who tombout they gotta wait til some’n established ‘fore lettin him meet the kids, will have also slept with dude ‘fore some’n was established!!!!

By Poppa Grande

August 5, 2008 1:11 PM | Link to this

Dan

Plus I never passed judgment by saying it was good or bad that you benefitted from it.

One other thing…you gotta be careful about offering your “boys” so liberally. Someone (that you might not like) may take you up on that offer! ..lol

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 1:12 PM | Link to this

2C If a mother is out there dating a man and is bring him around her kid so he can have a “male role model” other than uncle joe or cousin woodrow..then she is dating for the wrong reason. Now the kids you see whinning maybe doing so because mom has not gotten her son actively involved in sports(karate comes to mind) or he is not spending quality time with those uncles and male cousins.

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

2c what’s wrong with that?

By melo

August 5, 2008 1:15 PM | Link to this

Do you think the emotions a mother deal with during pregnancy tranfer to the kid? this is a good qs and point..YEP, sme mothers were smoking kush and coc while carrying sme of these bloggers..thats why a cple are messed up………..

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 1:19 PM | Link to this

And another thang..Having a penis does not make you a great role model.

By Demi

August 5, 2008 1:21 PM | Link to this

Fellas, have you ever approached a female while in the company of your shorties?

I am going to have to stay no…now I have met some got-it-going-on sisters at 5 and under birthday parties

Mo you don’t want any more kids???

Lawd please let her say no, LOL

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

not for sole pupose, Kym……before he can be labled boyfriend, he has to obtain the latter..friend…already a boy….so, while he’s still yet a freind, why can’t he interact with the lil one?

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

Tazz, What I mean by that is, it doesn’t matter if the kids have met the person or not - if you’re all laid out in the fetal position over a break up and the child sees it, that’s still going to affect them., I totally agree. You have to be of the mindset that what affects you, affects your child as well.

2Can, will have also slept with dude ‘fore some’n was established!!!!, but how else would you know if your even feeling said dude to bother establishing anything with them in the first place, if you don’t. I’m definitely not saying that you sleep with every tom, dyck and harry you meet, of course your using precautions, watching for redflags and such, but it would be a lie to say that you haven’t slept with that person before you decide any type of interaction should take place with your children. IMO

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 1:25 PM | Link to this

Oh yea his situation has it’s unique spin. I provide his necessities and my investment in him is spiritual nuturing at all cost, and education. I forgo a lot to pay for him to get the best edu I can afford. But I will never be able to do the mans part in his life. His dad is sometimes ‘out to lunch’. Got to know when he’s wrong, no need to fake it. So what I do? forgive, and do my thang (not looking for a pat on the back either). My son will most def understand what i/we did that which was important for him …heck he’s 9 and been recognizing the real for a while.

Never been a whiner. And no I’m not leaving him at a practice to hit up a date… actually I’ve learned score keeper position and I just walk/jog while mine is at practice. And not missing a game unless the nasty disease put me down.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 1:26 PM | Link to this

“what’s wrong with that?”

If you gotta ask, then you’re prolly guilty!

By Demi

August 5, 2008 1:28 PM | Link to this

Melo li’Demi is going to a very handsome dude, so I want to lay down some positive ground rules for him to follow.

Demi is now drinking to long gone players days.

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

When I thought about making a friend special, I would see him interact with my nephew. I know that any man I’m involved with will be a role model for my nephew and I needed to be sure the guy could relate to him. It wasn’t about whether my nephew liked the guy or not, because my nephew gets jealous of any male I spend time with (including my godson) - but I wanted to see if the guy took an interest in my nephew when he was around.

Most times this was in a group setting - like I might invite a guy (along with other friends) to my nephew’s baseball or football games, something like that. Unless I made a romantic overture to the guy (which I usually did not) my nephew just thought the guy was a friend.

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 1:30 PM | Link to this

2c yep, guily as a mf! and none of them met my boys.

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 1:32 PM | Link to this

2Can

LOL @ your 12:29!…Yep, and I am no longer a “flashlight officer”….so you know what that means?!…LMAO!!! peeuummm! peeeuummm! peeeuummm!!!

Cee

In regards to your 12:43…ummm, although I do think we could make a killin’ having a lil’ school supply fundraiser, but uhhh…just think about it for a minute there, sis…all I can pic, is some ‘foos”all lined up (even in the dayum rain) and replacing our beautiful sign with * “The Peek-a-Booty Carwashin’ Gals”….LOL!!!..now giving the cow-eyes @ my gurl….when all of a sudden, picturing ya’ folk swervin’ up in the car lot, may be even…6-12 “deep” and truly NUTTIN’ UP…about his sweet lil’ ? *LMAO!!! May be better to just have a Fish Fry…while listening to the newfound anthem, ahhh you already know….just hursh!

Somebody is lyin’ with the hype around all this. I remember my mom just buying whatever she wanted to send me to school with (outfits, shoes and supplies and all) and dared someone give her a “list” of what to get with HER hard earned money. LOL.

Hecckkk yeah!…I told my daughters, although they will be provided with what’s required on their list(s) of supplies…I WILL NOT be sending said items to school all at once, for their teacher(s) to “hort” in their own private supply cabinets, as I had been hearing about some teachers being stingy with their (students) own hand sanitizer! And don’t get me started on the amount of printer paper…Heyal!

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 1:35 PM | Link to this

Kym And another thang..Having a penis does not make you a great role model. - that is so true. Whenever my sister would start hanging out with a guy, I would ask her if he was the type of man she wanted my nephew to be when he grew up.

By melo

August 5, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

li’Demi is going to a very handsome dude so is my boy…he puts on a cap and checks the mirror,crossing his arms like that and nodding his head on the side…smh.U gotta have them busy and tell dem whats right and wrong early on,otherwise lil Demi wl be hoing all the girls in middle/high school.He is handsome,i remember him!

By Demi

August 5, 2008 1:40 PM | Link to this

ContentmentPersonified hey bey, how are things going?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

Sidelines, the same discretion you use ‘fore gettin naked should be used when allowing someone to simply meet, or interact with your child…that’s all…..no, you ain’t sleeping with everyone….but….if you can sleep with him/her, should be able to meet the youngins…..I know you ain’t sayin it, but think like this…..”he cain’t meet the lil one yet, but I’mma give him some azz to see if he gets to that point…..if the azz ain’t no good, then, no harm, no foul….cause he ain’t met the lil one yet…..conversely, if the azz is good, then we gon see how it goes…some’n gettin established…”

Lo and behold, he done beat it up all kinda ways, and ain’t nuttin materialize….you still good, right, cause he ain’t met the shorties????…..

think about your answer…….

By melo

August 5, 2008 1:42 PM | Link to this

2c yep, guily as a mf! and none of them met my boys back of ur head got dna from various men beds then?

By For Real

August 5, 2008 1:43 PM | Link to this

2CI think you are miss understanding what some of the ladies are saying about introducing a dude to their child. I agree they shouldn’t bring a dude into their child life unless he is committed to her and that child. Now, as far as male interaction is concerned, if the female has decided that the bio can’t be apart of his child life, then it is totally her responsibility to find some uncles and granddaddies to give that child the male influence it needs.

BTW, I agree with you about those chick that drop lil dudes off for football. You can always spot them… they have the cleanest practice uniforms on the team.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Demi sometimes I wonder if I missed out not doing the fun thangs in my mid to late 20’s b/c I was raising that boy of mine. Sometimes I was prayed to forgive his father for every time the friend told me the prosper of his business and gettin new house going back n forth to Cali jus cause. But now I know even if I fail this parent thing I prayed through every rough time and can’t find myself bitter. put away the self inflict

I see you are setting the stones for lil Demi. Foundation is key.

By lurker

August 5, 2008 1:45 PM | Link to this

Deese (just because) ;)

LOL!

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 1:48 PM | Link to this

2Can, …“His coaches are the closet he comes to malebond”…..I see this mess every year…Mama’s dropping their sons off at practices, or games, while out “dating”…..dude cain’t meet him, but we’re forced to try to instill some sort of manliness in ‘em in 2-3 hours per day…..GTFOH!…oh, now I understand what you mean. Again, can’t speak for all single moms.

I’m referred to by all of the my son’s friends as “mom”, because I am the only parent to cart them boys back and forth and sit for the practices and such. I finally got tired and started fussing about the other kids parents to pick up some of the slack and pick these boys up from time to time. smh

By For Real

August 5, 2008 1:50 PM | Link to this

if you can sleep with him/her, should be able to meet the youngins

2C come on bruh I know you didn’t just say that maybe you should have left off the her.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this

Thanks Sidelines. Was trying to go back to read and diciper 2C’s statement. Now, I don’t have to.

However, Dan can you please tell me what “deese” mean???

By Dan

August 5, 2008 1:56 PM | Link to this

@Kym

So simplistic a statement.

No, having a penis does not a role model make ..any fool can make a child, it takes a man to raise one…

But having male role models around is good for boys and girls.

Good or bad, male role models are just that (models for the roles we play in life). Choosing good ones are the test.

But think about some of the conversations we have on here (yesterday in particular). Would you really need a book to tell you things that the male role model in your life should have told you? Do think a boy can become a man without knowing how a man acts, is, thinks, behaves, carries himself?

The larger point I agree with, being a male or female doesn’t endow you with anything, save the anatomy. To be a role model is put yourself on the line to influence someone else’s life, hopefully in the positive.

That said,

@PG

If someone has a pair to try and take ‘em, that’s a “azz whopping I’mma have to take”.

By Demi

August 5, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

melo dude!! Don’t remind me…dem young girls be fighting to see who will get to hold his bad a$$, LOL…

Jamoca hey you, a light load today?

Storm where r you?

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 1:58 PM | Link to this

SexyLeggs you don’t wanna know, LOL.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this

For Real, where am I losing y’all….

No, every dude is not worthy to meet the kids, first and foremost….as every dude ain’t worthy to get the goods…

what I am saying though, is, once it’s ok to sleep with that person, then you tellin me they aren’t at least worthy to meet your kids? Do you introduce them? the situation dictates the circumstance…if she pops up, then, “hey y’all, this is such and such, a good friend of mine…”

By Dan

August 5, 2008 2:03 PM | Link to this

@Taz

So when were you coming to see me?

By Demi

August 5, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli here is something i’ve learned: Any men who does wrong by his seeds will fall in due time…just stay focus and keep doing what you are doing…and remember, good times are around the corner…Too bad it seems like forever, LOL

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 2:04 PM | Link to this

Demi Wassup pimpin! No I dont want to birth anymore children. That is why I need a man that has one. For me, and let me say it again, for me I dont want to be dayum near 40 with a newborn.

By Demi

August 5, 2008 2:06 PM | Link to this

Sidelines you’re hot today, huh?

*Demi is now serving drinks to all the single parents on the battle field.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

…once it’s ok to sleep with that person, then you tellin me they aren’t at least worthy to meet your kids? In some instances, NO they’re not worthy to meet your kids. I realize this sounds crazy, but there are instances where a scratch had to be scratched and that was the end. Lust is a bytch and so is horniness. Because people are grown they can do what they want. Therefore, not meeting the kids is part of their equation. So I’ve been told!

Ok, I’m taking your word for that Tazzee.

By Demi

August 5, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

Mo LOL…That’s good to know.

Demi is attemping to relocate to a different building, LOL

By melo

August 5, 2008 2:12 PM | Link to this

For Real, i think what 2C is saying is that even tho the parents seem to have very plausible and honorable reasons as far as who they intruduce to kids,their sleeping decisions arent honorable,thats why there is a dble standard.They hoe with the guy with the sleek ride(a frivlous decison at best) instead of making a healthy decision with the best dude,so that when its time to meet the kids,there is no hesitance on that since they have hoed together,meaning the guys is good.Kids in failed marrieages are doomed,i tell yah,its survival of the fittest..the parent with custody is worried more about he/his hoing needs than whats best for the kid. My wife told me of this single lady at her job,wherever she is getting laid that night is where her girl sleeps as well……..smh

By abc

August 5, 2008 2:16 PM | Link to this

I offended you, Dan? ‘Only a sociopath…’ etc. et. al, insinuation about me and my children, is just a casual observation of yours, I suppose? With logic like that, what’s one to think about your rather obliquely stated perspectives?

Now, you don’t offend me… it’s a bit of a stretch to imagine getting bent out of shape by words posted to a blog. You’re a case in point, as far as that goes. I don’t imagine that your social convention would allow for such statements to a person’s face.

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 2:17 PM | Link to this

Dan - I just started taking a class at church so I won’t be making any weekend trips other than ATL until October. Pencil me in for the weekend of October 25th. I recently found out two of my line sisters live near Dallas, so I need to come hang out with them too.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 2:19 PM | Link to this

2Can, No dahlin’, not saying that at all and I’m definitely not saying that I’ve slept with each and everyone that I’ve met. And, dude, no is or has beatin’ it up all kinds of ways…maybe I’m misunderstanding what your sayin’, but I believe your misunderstood what I was sayin’.

Yo, if your implying that the only way some sistahs are basing their decision on whether someone meets their ‘shorties’ as you refer to them is whether the dizznick is good or not. That’s absolutely ludacris!!!! I can’t answer for anyone one else. But, that’s some crazy shyt!!!! Period… And, I’m really not sure exactly where your going with this.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 2:20 PM | Link to this

LOL ^^5 Jamaco on your school list,

Hey Demi working hard downtown

For Real I’m sitting here watching and waiting for a skit or at least a thread round up.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 2:22 PM | Link to this

I dont want to be dayum near 40 with a newborn.

32 + 8 = 40.

Mo

Yea, i’ve seen my sis and her hubby get tied as a mugg raising that 1 and 3 yearold. And i’m like uh, NO!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 2:23 PM | Link to this

single lady at her job,wherever she is getting laid that night is where her girl sleeps as well Melo that’s a dayum shame….mama showing baby girl how to be the garden tool.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 2:25 PM | Link to this

@abc

Truly, I did not mean to insinuate anything about you or yours.

Sociopath was a reference purely to the clinical conclusion that they are in reality emotionally detached.

No offense, homie.

But anything I type, I have no problem saying in person….it’s just that intent can get lost in the words.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 2:29 PM | Link to this

Tazz….can I use you as an example…..you and I know each other….and we also know ain’t no way in west hell we gon’ hook-up….but tell me, would you let your nephew play on my team?

and you’ve met my shorties!!!! Just cause you and a dude ain’t kickin it, don’t mean they cain’t meet the kids….

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

Jamoca okay breezy. I’m sitting down.

:( no carwash?…and i ain’t cooking no hot grease poppin’ fish for all these folk.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 2:32 PM | Link to this

” I’m really not sure exactly where your going with this.”…..it started with, can’t meet the kids unless something is established; Then, the sleeping analogy came about when you said this, “but how else would you know if your even feeling said dude to bother establishing anything with them in the first place, if you don’t. I’m definitely not saying that you sleep with every tom, dyck and harry you meet, of course your using precautions, watching for redflags and such, but it would be a lie to say that you haven’t slept with that person before you decide any type of interaction should take place with your children”…….

By melo

August 5, 2008 2:35 PM | Link to this

I realize this sounds crazy, but there are instances where a scratch had to be scratched and that was the end. lol,that waz funny sexxy..but i think pple who saying kids get affected long after they are adults are on point…kids will notice ur ins and outs too and may not make 1+1 until much later and that is factored one way or the other into their psyche.Im a case in point.In my early childhood, i lived with an uncle, my mom bro,(7 yrs til about 15) and even tho i luv him to death,uncle waz a hoe in his bachelor days.I became one too b4 marriage and never connected those 2(coz i waz enjoying and in my bliss) until i decided to change my ways and thats when i realized that lyfestyle of his waz defn in my psyche one way or the other!

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this

Mo my sis and her hubby waited…he was 40 she was 36. They tried earlier in the marriage w/ no avial but when the wun looking…Lol. My sweet lil neice is a hand ful and so is my nephew.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 2:37 PM | Link to this

u tell me u have already decided what u wanna do with ur lyfe and marriage based on my blog posts Um no! I am saying that your posts make you seem like a sexist with a superiority complex! My not wanting to marry has nothing to do with you or your posts! I just do not want to get married or have kids. But you make it seem like there is something wrong with me because I am not dying to reproduce or be tied down.

Page You are my senses aren’t you! LOL You are right I should not go back and forth with him.

Demi you know I loves me some lil Demi, cute self….he was checking me out! LOL

By melo

August 5, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

2C sme of these ladies wl front on blog too,u caught that……… now wait 4 the spin………

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 2:38 PM | Link to this

2c regarding your 1:42, it depends on what you are wanting at that point in your life. i was wanting azz back then and someone to snuggle up against … so no it wasn’t a good time for them to meet my babies. now the next guy, it’ll be different because i’m am.

melo muah.

By mytwocents

August 5, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

Whoooo!

By Chink

August 5, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon All,

I agree with you 2CPTG. I have a daughter and I am not going to hide her from seeing me socialize with the opposite gender. There is a difference between being serious and being friends. I am actually showing her how to interact with males and females alike.

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 2:39 PM | Link to this

Dan I live my life on the KISS model(Keep it Simple Stupid) flowery words going alround to say what? Everyone is not a role model and no one should be exposing their kids to every Tom Dick and Jane. Simple because they are sharing the same airspace at the time. How about getting to know that person first? What values do they hold? Are they inline with your own? Spare me that well if you did the nasty with them why can’t they meet your kid..because frankly I am willing to bet there are some folks from all of our past that heck we regret meeting them much less introducing that person to your child. Personally for me I take the label of friend, just as seriously as I take the label of lover. So because we go out on two or three dates does not make you my friend…nor does it buy you a ticket to meeting my son.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 2:42 PM | Link to this

Cemeeli I am not knocking those that do have kids late, they may have their own reasons. I have some friends that had kids closer to 40 and their patience seems to be much shorter along w the parents always saying they are tired/worn out. Losing sleep, late-night bottle feedings, etc is no fun period but I think its even worse if you are older. JMHO.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 2:47 PM | Link to this

and ain’t nuttin wrong with admitting that, Beautiful….

By Chink

August 5, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this

Good Afternoon All,

I agree with you 2CPTG. I have a daughter and I am not going to hide her from seeing me socialize with the opposite gender. There is a difference between being serious and being friends. I am actually showing her how to interact with males and females alike.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 2:50 PM | Link to this

MO…that’s what i’m saying. My sis asks me to plan the parties, take em with me to Disney show, plays and ImagineIt when i was taking lilCee. Because i don’t mind. But see now mine is waaayyy mature than that stuff so she’s limited to ask. They truly get tired. Now she will be 40 this year…and my neice is turning 4…uh, yea sis that patience get shorter.

By melo

August 5, 2008 2:51 PM | Link to this

your posts make you seem like a sexist with a superiority complex! i just post from my aunthentic heart,to the displeasure of sme,not trying to be superior or what..if u ladies cld just debunk what i say factually,that wld be nice,instead of getting tantrums,as sme do,as if u kids…I also purposely rile,to make the blog sell,but i knw some on here are walking wounded, and still hurt,i understand but dnt really wanna censor me…..for sme anonymous….so if u sore,melo cmes with parental/hurting-divorced/sore single/ warning skip…..

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 2:55 PM | Link to this

Chink i could be wrong, but we were talkin’ about kids seeing mom taking different guys to bed, staying the night.

well, that’s what i was referring to.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 2:56 PM | Link to this

Demi, yeah, it looks that way, don’t it?…lol

2Can, My problem was trying to dicpher what you were saying and then responding to it. My bad…but, I think For Real, 2CI think you are miss understanding what some of the ladies are saying about introducing a dude to their child. I agree they shouldn’t bring a dude into their child life unless he is committed to her…understands exactly what I’m sayin’! And what I’m sayin’ is there has to be some indication that there is at best a longterm situation/committment on the horizon before anyone has met my cherin’ (I don’t care if it’s 6mos - 1yr before they meet them, matters not to me), that being said I’m simply not the hoein’ type w/hoeng’ tendencies…so, not sure where your going with that one.

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 2:58 PM | Link to this

2can Yes, I would let my nephew play on your team, mainly because I’ve seen how you interact with your kids and how well mannered they are.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

…speaking of a quality single person that has a thriving relationship with a single dad.

kimmie where are you?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 3:02 PM | Link to this

I’m with you Kym there are friends I don’t bring around my kids and just b/c we date don’t give you a ticket to cross my threshold less more meet my pride and joy. I look at it like this kids should not be included in the equation of dating, b/c it’s just dating feeling that person out so why incude your kid/s in your choosing process so early. You have kids so I’m sure you chose a date the 1. like kids 2. share the same values when it comes to raising kids 3. be a positive role model for your kids should thing progress from dating to a relationship. Most ppl date for themselves and that’s fine if that’s your float but when you’re a parent you should date as one. JMO

By Foots

August 5, 2008 3:08 PM | Link to this

2 Can Trying to trim the fat here… So are you saying that parents should let everyone they see, whether casual or serious, meet the kids, even if they just introduce them as a “friend”?

By Foots

August 5, 2008 3:11 PM | Link to this

melo You were raised by a single mom and your uncle?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 3:12 PM | Link to this

“that being said I’m simply not the hoein’ type w/hoeng’ tendencies”…..

noooo, never that…..I respect where you’re coming from…was just stating my point based on the comment…we cool…

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Kym, Everyone is not a role model and no one should be exposing their kids to every Tom Dick and Jane. Simple because they are sharing the same airspace at the time. How about getting to know that person first? What values do they hold? Are they inline with your own? Spare me that well if you did the nasty with them why can’t they meet your kid..because frankly I am willing to bet there are some folks from all of our past that heck we regret meeting them much less introducing that person to your child. Personally for me I take the label of friend, just as seriously as I take the label of lover. So because we go out on two or three dates does not make you my friend…nor does it buy you a ticket to meeting my son.…Girllll, thank you!!!! That’s all I was trying to say…, but I got that I was being double teamed today! It’s all good…

Demi, hun…how are you today? Could you make that a dirty martini w/Kettle One Vodka, please! Thanks sweetie…

By Foots

August 5, 2008 3:13 PM | Link to this

Mo I am not knocking those that do have kids late, they may have their own reasons.

I’ll probably be an old mama if I have children. Just how life works sometimes. My friend is 40 and just had her first baby, and I have several other friends who are over 35 and are childless. We’ll all have our kids pushing our wheelchairs to their high school graduations. LOL!

By m'karyl

August 5, 2008 3:14 PM | Link to this

@MLL

This is true when a single parent is dating…my daughter lived in Illinois with my family…but I was involved with a Panamanian brother who made me aware of how the men I dated should be assessed on a scale of how my relationship with them could effect my daughter…he said that even though she did not live with me, everything I did (incluiding my relationships) would have an impact on her life and well-being…so from taking that perspective into consideration, I always made my choices based upon how any possible outcome from my relationship with someone could impact on her…helped to eliminate a lot of unnecessary noise…and proved to a great boundary marker.

By ContentmentPersonified

August 5, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

Just got back from the library with my son. Working on last of summer reading. Hey,Demi!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 3:16 PM | Link to this

@ Beautful we were talkin’ about kids seeing mom taking different guys to bed, staying the night. men do it to. I was dating a guy who asked me to come over while the kids were sleep for a late night ra ra. Even though I was tempted since it’s been a while but I declined cuz all I could see was his little girl walking in his room while my feet was stir up style.

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

2CPTG Family friends are good role models. My friend Brian and Mason were around when my sons were growing up and during my dating days. In fact they are the two that I called on outside of my brothers for advice concerning my sons. So no need for all the men I went out with to meet them so they good have a male role model. They had men in their lives already.

And why do you assume the guys we were dating were the only men in our lives? Or was the only time our kids saw a man come around.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 3:17 PM | Link to this

“So are you saying that parents should let everyone they see, whether casual or serious, meet the kids, even if they just introduce them as a “friend”?”……Ummm, Not on the surface….but…what if you’re with your kids and you come into contact with that other person? What if you do business with that other person? How do you hide that from your kids….or do you fake the funk in front of the other person?

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 3:21 PM | Link to this

Hey there m’karyl it took me some time but I’ve learned to date as a parent since dating could very well lead to something with more substance. Not every man is going to like kids or appreciate that you’re a mother no matter how old the kids are. I’ve seen cases where the kids were grown and dates try to regulate how the mothers should treat their grown kids.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 3:24 PM | Link to this

I’ll probably be an old mama if I have children. Just how life works sometimes. My friend is 40 and just had her first baby, and I have several other friends who are over 35 and are childless. We’ll all have our kids pushing our wheelchairs to their high school graduations. LOL!

Foots - Me too. The reasons are simply because I have not found the one I’ve wanted to marry and have kids with. Had it happened sooner, I would have welcomed it. Truth be told, it was really great having my 20s all to myself. And I don’t see anything about terrible about being 60 when my kids go off to college. My parents are 60 and they are still well enough to do what they want.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 3:25 PM | Link to this

“why do you assume the guys we were dating were the only men in our lives?”…….nope…..I was only responding to the comments….

By melo

August 5, 2008 3:29 PM | Link to this

You were raised by a single mom and your uncle? the schools in the area my uncle taught and lived were better and my parents send me to live with him……

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 3:31 PM | Link to this

My cousin just had a baby girl 3 mos. ago at the tender age of 45. I wouldn’t consider at that age, but she’s happy and the baby is healthy. I won’t be pushing my wheelchair to my daughter’s graduation…I’m going on my skateboard (young at heart forever).

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

Hey there, Dem Summm!…as far as the workload is concerned, as you can tell, it’s sporadic!…lol.

MLL

My 9 yr old has me dyin’ laughin’ with all that goes on there (at school)she’s such a lil’ ole lady at times; saying: Ma, I don’t mind helping my friends sometimes when they don’t have enough paper, but sometimes I just ask, when yo’ mama gonna bring your supplies to school?!…I just fell out, LMAOfff!!!…however, I did explain to her b/c one of many reasons alone was the purpose of the supply list required by the school, but that still does not stop her from saying the darnest things, though I do not blame her at times…lol! (which explains why we’re taking a different route this coming school year.

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 3:34 PM | Link to this

LOL 2CPTG Oh.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 3:35 PM | Link to this

Foots That’s cool, do you chica! Lil Mo will be happy to babysit for you! LOL!

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 3:36 PM | Link to this

2C you’re thinking too much and I’m getting a headache LOL I see what you’re saying about introducing the kids and actually it’s left up to the decision of the parent how or when they bring the kids into it. What works for some doesn’t always apply to others. Some kids are mature when it comes to their parent dating, some kids want their parent to date.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 3:37 PM | Link to this

2 Can How do you hide that from your kids….or do you fake the funk in front of the other person?

If you run across someone in public or business, I’d think that’s different. A child would be introduced to the adult, no need to give titles. You’d say “Child, this is Mr./Ms. So and So; Mr./Ms. So and So, this is Child”. No big deal.

But I thought that the conversation was around purposely bringing a man or woman you were dating around your kids in the early stages of dating, not accidental meetings, and that’s what you were responding to.

By kimmie

August 5, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

Hi Cee & Blog Fam! - Long time, no chat. I love you all, but things were a little crazy up in here and have to chill on the blogging for awhile from work! Been lurking when I can, but had to come out of hiding for my buddy Cee!

Yes, all is well with my wonderful SO and his kids! He is a widowerer, so things are a little different (well, a LOT different) than if there was a divorce. It has been over 2 years since his wife passed. The kids were quite young (now 6 & 8). No, I don’t have “baby mama” drama, but it can be a little hard dealing with a memory. It is important to me to respect their mother’s memory. We waited about 3 months before I met the kids and I truly respected him all the way - I did not want to meet them until HE was comfortable with it, even if it had taken a year. I love those kids dearly and I think they love me and we get closer by the day! He’s an exceptional father. A lot of our time together is with the kids, but we make time for ourselves too, like we went to the Jill Scott concert last week (great, by the way). It’s not a situation everyone could deal with, but it’s perfect for me. I absolutely adore kids and if things had worked out differently for me, I would have had a house full of them! He’s a great guy - I feel truly blessed to have met him. It must have been divinely ordered that we met this way, because my dad was a widower with 3 kids when my mother met him. Together they had me & my 2 younger brothers.

The kids are hilarious though! I help SO with the 6-year old’s hair, cause he can’t do girls’ hair. She’s extremely tenderheaded, so while she’s a little diva, she can’t stand for me to touch her hair, she dreads it. I told her I had to do her hair so she’ll look nice for the 1st day of school. She looked at me and said - IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HAIR WITH YOU, ISN’T IT?!!! I fell out laughing!

By abc

August 5, 2008 3:38 PM | Link to this

People marrying and having children later in life is a contemporary curiosity. I first married at 21, at the time it was quite common for people to do so; now my kids are grown and out of the house, and it’s like getting my life back again. Kind of like a second childhood, only as an adult and with more means.

That compares these days to people extending their childhoods (if you will) well into their 30’s or even 40’s by staying single, waiting to start their own families. At an age where my kids are grown and gone, they’ll have kids in elementary school. When they go through the terrible teens, they’ll be in their late 50’s, early 60’s. I don’t envy them!

It’s good to have the kids grown and gone.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 3:43 PM | Link to this

she’s such a lil’ ole lady at times; saying: Ma, I don’t mind helping my friends sometimes when they don’t have enough paper, but sometimes I just ask, when yo’ mama gonna bring your supplies to school?!… Lil Moca has been paying attention! Lol

By melo

August 5, 2008 3:44 PM | Link to this

Some kids are mature when it comes to their parent dating, and others are not,u right…my wife’s dad passed when she was about 16(he was such a doting dad on his dghters,i hear) my wife and her sisters found out their mum was dating when she was like 20/21 and she tells me,initially,they put their mum to task 4 that..i met her at 22/23 and i wld jke with her that she waz getting sme from me,why being stingy on mum,she wanted some too..she didnt take kindly to her mum getting fcked by a dude not her dad….smh

By Demi

August 5, 2008 3:45 PM | Link to this

MLL yep…I am trying to finish all of my reports now…pray for me!!

Staceye that’s because he’s 3 and doesn’t know any better…also he respects women who doesn’t let him get away with murda LOL.

B hey you…how are things in Cali?

Chink you’re on here too, LOL

Sidelines LOL…I am glad you were able to come up for air today. And here is your dirty martini w/Kettle One Vodka…

Storm I hope you have a great week with baby boi!!!!

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

MLL, I’m gettin a head ache too…Foots, it matters not how you introduce your kids to someone, my point is bringin’ ‘em in, period…..cause you never know how, or what that simple introduction will lead to….but, like somebody said, what works for some, ain’t gon work for others…..so, I thank GOD, so far I’m doin some’n right…as far as mine are concerned…And they know Daddy is in the people business!

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 3:47 PM | Link to this

I don’t envy them either abc. I am so glad I had my kids in my 20s. Just having my grandson over for a weekend wears me out. I wouldn’t want to do that every day. I like having my semi-freedom now. Especially at a time when I know how to appreciate it.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 3:50 PM | Link to this

Kimmie thanks for sharing your story and sharing the ups and downs in relationship!…I just admire it from afar. truly blesses me.

Foots and ARed girls, do you! I am not the least mad at you for waiting. As I stated earlier if I could have waited I would, But I can’t and that’s my thread in life. I wouldn’t change anything that happen because it made me who I am today. You girls testimony will be just as profound.

By mytwocents

August 5, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

In my early twenties I wasn’t tryna hear the daddies, divorced or otherwise. As the twenties came to a close I began to suspect that maybe limiting my options in that way had basically LIMITED MY OPTIONS. I’ve never met anyone’s kids, discussion about them does give a feeling for how and who he is. But in general I find if funny how some folks are sticklers bout dates meeting kids and disregard the negative effect their more questionable friends may have.

I think some of us live on Licorice Lane… complete with swirly pop mailboxes & bubble gum dreams floating down the street. As we grow into adulthood, we have to accept that no one’s life is ever going to be ‘just so,’ no matter how we’d like to speak that into existence. People don’t come along w/ bright red bows indicating Yes, I’m good for you! Whether someone is divorced, a single parent, or whatever if we’re forging a friendship first and in that time determine whether things can progress beyond that. Also, you may not know verbal/mental abuse is a deal breaker till you’re in a marriage on the receiving end of it. Likewise, you can say infidelity will send you packing before the day you find out about it and decide to fight for your marriage instead of letting it fold over one indiscretion. I’ve joked about having a time sensitive marriage contract with customized verbiage, but my guess is none of this will cross my mind when I find the right complement.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Demi, lol…right, thank you Demi! :)

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 3:59 PM | Link to this

Demi, lol…right, thank you Demi! :)

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 4:02 PM | Link to this

Kimmie

Absolutely loved your 3:38!!!

Cee

Does she?!!…or for that matter, all three of em’…LOL!…Mama has to definitely watch what she says around those girls…but I truly love moments like these!

By Tazzee

August 5, 2008 4:07 PM | Link to this

I fully expected to have kids by now. I am not looking forward to having any children at this age that is why I don’t mind dating men with children.

Like I said the other day, if my husband really wants one - I’d have a child. But if it’s up to me, we’ll grow old just enjoying one another. I don’t get the kid itch anymore but if I did, I have my godson, niece and two nephews to scratch that.

By mytwocents

August 5, 2008 4:11 PM | Link to this

That’s so wonderful, kimmie! And exactly what I mean about tryna prophesy what has already been ordained.

By melo

August 5, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/05/business/05sorkin.html?dlbk

mytwoabout it and decide to fight for your marriage instead of letting it fold over one indiscretion** i was going to post that link earlier on but decided against until u posted….. Marriage is not 4 evrybody like i said,but in marriage shyt does happen and to make it work,u go thru hoops and no 2 marriages look alike…shona saying that goes,transl, every marriage is protected/covered by the big blue skies meaning Anything/everything is possible under the sun…..

By Foots

August 5, 2008 4:14 PM | Link to this

Cee Waiting and not waiting both have their upsides and downside. I’ll probably be drinking Red Bull to stay awake, but I’m glad that things turned out this way. I was thinking yesterday how different my 31 is to when my sister was 31. She was married with three girls by 29. Both she and her husband advise me to spend a little time just being married first before I have children, which I wanted to do anyway. I’d love to be together with just my husband for a few years. Biological clocks may make that hard, but I see the wisdom in it.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

You girls testimony will be just as profound.

Thanks Cemeeli. My eggs will probably be dried up by the time I finally dupe some guy long enough to marry me.

I’d rather have a cool azz husband who wants to travel the world with me rather than have kids, if I had to chose one over the other. I mean, I’m only 30 but I’m aware that time passes quickly.

By Demi

August 5, 2008 4:15 PM | Link to this

Jamoca I need to sent you some of my reports…they want me to help ease the work loads, but will have a “why your numbers are so high” convo with me later during the week…I am just doing enough to make others look bad…Bishes

By mytwocents

August 5, 2008 4:17 PM | Link to this

Lil Mermama/Feathers Your 9 yr olds = My Fraternal twins. Throw in lil bit for good measure. AMBER ALERT, AMBER ALERT

By kimmie

August 5, 2008 4:18 PM | Link to this

Cee - Thanks, and thanks for asking about me!

On Topic - You really don’t know how your dating habits may affect your kids. One of my best friends is divorced. She has a wonderful daughter (12) that is an honor student. Parents divorced when she was about 3 or 4 and her daddy hardly ever sees her. For the 1st 3 years after the divorce, her daddy lived right down the street, literally close enough to walk and my friend never stopped him from seeing her, yet he would never even drop by to say hi. My friend has brought all kinds of men around her. She rushs intimacy with everyone she meets and before you know it, they are around her daughter. She even let one stay with them for 2 weeks when he go thrown out of his apartment. My heart ached for her daughter, because you could tell he irritated her and she could not stand him, but she was respectful. My friend asks me from time to time about my SO and she was very curious about how long me & SO waited for intimacy and meeting the kids. I have tried to tell her gently over the years to take things slower and limit who she brings around her child. That kid has seen her mother physically abused and her mother has had to call the police on a few of these dudes. Things a child should just not have to see. As I said, her daughter is turning out wonderful, but I pray that her personal life does not mimmick her mothers - looking for love in all the wrong places!

By melo

August 5, 2008 4:20 PM | Link to this

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/08/05/lw.nokids.nojob.wives/index.html

and Page and Staceye if u all thoght i waz sexist,the guy in that story is proly too,by ur standards and he aint african,…..i expect my wife to do the same, i’ll be retiring her soon,to devote time to home duties…lol

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 4:23 PM | Link to this

2C are you a single parent? If so I’m too tired to go back and reread but do you introduce your kids to your dates right away or do you wait until yall are moving along to more than just dating?

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 4:30 PM | Link to this

Foots i can see you having a baby for real. You’d be a cool mamma, educated, well spoken and all…but don’t tell ‘bout that night the other outfit you doned for daddy is what got ‘em here. That steel pole in ya basement is for limbo night!

ARed Lol @ the doped up hubby repeating the vows as you slide the mastercard to pay for airfare! Hellz, can i go?

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 4:31 PM | Link to this

kimmie, I truly feel sorry for that little girl. Her mother should know better but she is looking to be validated by these men. Unfortunately, she’s forgotten she’s raising an impressionable little lady. If she’s not careful, one of those low life dudes may try to harm the daughter. I can only imagine the psychological damage knowing your father lives down the street and won’t come to visit. That’s truly, truly fycked up!!!

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 4:33 PM | Link to this

“are you a single parent?” yep….“but do you introduce your kids to your dates right away or do you wait until yall are moving along to more than just dating?”….since I don’t go on dates right away, then I guess you can say they ain’t meeting my kids right away….me and mine are one and the same…so once you’ve broken my circle, then, me being the head of their life, and them fully trusting my judgment, they know whomever they meet through me, is aiiight…….so, I hope that answers your question….that’s as best as I can put it….

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 4:35 PM | Link to this

kimmie Of course stepmom…hey, my girl has been missed.

Row C; Seat 109, front and center sitting and reading of the married ones, and the “single with a seriously dating attitude” is my season pass seat as the blog’s mofo.

mytwocents Get out my seat!

Ya’ll be easy and please keep livin’.

By Alvin

August 5, 2008 4:38 PM | Link to this

Another thought 2can until li’Demi came along, I wasn’t all too sensitive nor understanding towards single moms. I know some things are just plain ole common sense. I needed hands on experiences in order to understand the positives and negatives…what I can and can not do…how to approach certain situations…what I would and would not accept…And finally asking myself as a man…(Iwillshamefullyadmitiaminrelationshipmodeandhavebeenoverthepastyearandahalforsonowiwishicouldburnthisfugginpostandtellyoualltogokickrocks)…If this relationship takes off, I am ready to be in her child(ren)’s lives for the long haul? I would like to say I am….

Alvin is now choking the ISH outta Demi

NOTE: I, Alvin…Do not approve of this post.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

LOL. Cemeeli, not doped, duped. Crack is wack my friend! I am certainly capable of tricking a man with my feminine wiles, without resorting to drugs!

But you can still come. LOL

By Foots

August 5, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

Cee Thanks lady! And that’s a good idea! I’ll say that the pole is for limbo. But then they’d want a demo on how it’s used for limbo and that thing is dayum heavy! LOL!

melo What was the point of the first article? To show how one dude’s extramarital affair destroyed one marriage and eventually cost him his job?

By Alvin

August 5, 2008 4:40 PM | Link to this

me being the head of their life, and them fully trusting my judgment, they know whomever they meet through me, is aiiight…….

I feel that…

By Blue Kolla

August 5, 2008 4:41 PM | Link to this

…slippin’ in late before they lock the door.

2Can Bruh, you been throwing strikes all day concerning realistic dating with kids and the Big Divorce.

Foots Somebody don’t like you. What’s that about?

Jamo, Dems C’s, ladies… what’s up?

Leggs I’m a single parent and let me say this, some chicks can’t handle being even with, let along coming in second to my kid. Either way they let themselves out or I give them the boot. Others I’d swear love my kid more than I do.

But rest assured that you ain’t coming around him unless I’ve already determined that you’re no threat; and it ain’t gon’ take me a year to figure that out.

By kimmie

August 5, 2008 4:44 PM | Link to this

Thanks mytwo and Jamoca!

Leggs - My sentiments exactly - I pray that she’s never in a situation where one of these dudes will touch her! I may have to use my newly-learned martial arts quicker than I thought I would! God is watching out for her, I truly believe. She was chosen, out of a few hundred students in the country, to attend a national leadership conference in DC this fall. I sent her some money toward her trip. I’m so proud of her, I try to stay in her life as much as I can to sort of look out for her, even though she’s in Augusta and I’m here.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

Demi……I feel all y’all….all I’m sayin, is my kids are with me in a lot of my activities, so to me, it just goes with the territory of them meeting a lot of folks I deal with….like I said, they don’t know the level of interation I have/had with some of the females. And to this day, those females that didn’t make the cut, are still good friends and positive influences in my kids’ lives…..baby girl gets her hair professionally done…….at home!

By melo

August 5, 2008 4:46 PM | Link to this

OBAMA VS. MCCAIN :: DUE TO RICKETS AND SHOULDER ARTHRITIS, MCCAIN FORFEITS THE FIGHT. OBAMA WINS. NO CONTEST coutesy J CARTER… LOL

By kimmie

August 5, 2008 4:47 PM | Link to this

Thanks mytwo and Jamoca!

Leggs - My sentiments exactly - I pray that she’s never in a situation where one of these dudes will touch her! I may have to use my newly-learned martial arts quicker than I thought I would! God is watching out for her, I truly believe. She was chosen, out of a few hundred students in the country, to attend a national leadership conference in DC this fall. I sent her some money toward her trip. I’m so proud of her, I try to stay in her life as much as I can to sort of look out for her, even though she’s in Augusta and I’m here.

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

LOL!!! @ Demi…do your own daym “woik”!!!

To that Fri-TaTa chic,

That 3:59 was more that .02…I hope you’re not expecting any change back with that $1.00’s worth you just gave…loved it sis!…and LMAOff at your 4:17!…one day you’ll meet the lil’ trinity” aka 3-in-1 in the flesh, talk about gut-bustin’…I tell you mentally she’s 60! and feels the need to keep folks(her peers to include teenagers) in line…LOL!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 4:48 PM | Link to this

Good for you BK, to each their own! Would have been nice if you posted to all who stated at least a year, why single me out…you don’t like me no mo!

Alvin, you not approving that post was funny!

By melo

August 5, 2008 4:51 PM | Link to this

What was the point of the first article? the wman who got d waz booted out,dude did right thing….,the guy who d the wman retained his wife,he is the champ,the job thing is temp set back…… if smeone betrays u like the wife did,let them go….the reverse is not true,coz im the head….

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 4:52 PM | Link to this

hmmmm…..UM a little but I gotcha 2C

By Blue Kolla

August 5, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

2 ….all I’m sayin, is my kids are with me in a lot of my activities, so to me, it just goes with the territory of them meeting a lot of folks I deal with….like I said, they don’t know the level of interation I have/had with some of the females. And to this day, those females that didn’t make the cut, are still good friends and positive influences in my kids’ lives…

Dude, tell’em again.

I don’t lead two lives.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 4:53 PM | Link to this

Blue Man, I don’t know, but it was strange for them to describe me that way, then assume that I would care about whatever they said. LMAO!!

melo The second article was interesting though. I had never really thought about the option of staying home if my husband and I were childless. I think that many women would be up for that, and it would take a special kind of man to not belittle her contributions if she takes care of home with no kids instead of bringing home money.

But then again, wealthy couples have been doing this for centuries. The more money a man makes or has, the less I believe he cares about whether or not his wife works. My SO talks about me staying home if we were to get married and he can make enough money to support us comfortably, but I doubt that he means “stay home with no kids”. That might be a good conversation starter.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 4:54 PM | Link to this

Melo sorry I could not be a glorified maid…AKA a housewife! I need a real life…one that deos not revolve around cooking, cleaning, washing, screwing at will and dealing with pain in the azz kids and an even bigger pain in the azz big kid of a husband!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 4:55 PM | Link to this

Yes, she’s one of the chosen one. Please stay in her life as much and contact her as often. Sometimes a person needs to “hear” from another and not just “read” their concern or thoughtfulness!!!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 4:59 PM | Link to this

BK, the year was for healing, no necessarily for meeting.

Good night everyone!

By Alvin

August 5, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

2 can true that, it’s all in the company you keep…

Blue K hit that chair spin one time for us, LOL

Jam I am mean muggin yea, Page style…

Sexy you know I gotta keep Demi in check.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 5:00 PM | Link to this

BK I don’t think it’s leading two lives, it’s protecting kids from things that they should not be in. Kids should not be included in dating process period. My kids are included in my activities but not my dating activites, there need to be separation of the two.

By melo

August 5, 2008 5:01 PM | Link to this

Staceye AKA Black Mamba what are u good at?

By Foots

August 5, 2008 5:03 PM | Link to this

melo Take what you want to take from it. I’m sure that many African women would boot you if you were unfaithful. Your wife wouldn’t, but you already know that, that’s why you have that attitude. Whatever you do, please don’t leave her and get an American woman. Even if she stays, it’s a guarantee that your head will be split to the white meat at least once.

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

Baybeh Blue, sup mayne…

you’re late, and we’re out…

LOL!!!…yeah, ya’ girl’s been *gathering AND filing ish away (thx for the material, Fri-TaTa)

You all be good, night people(s)…

By Foots

August 5, 2008 5:04 PM | Link to this

melo And by the way, the “head” is still under both vow and God’s Commandents, which both cover adultery. You are not above the moral laws.

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 5:13 PM | Link to this

hey alvin, mll!

By melo

August 5, 2008 5:17 PM | Link to this

i do have that attitude,an i dont cheat…i try but i dnt complete the deed,not yet..

By For Real

August 5, 2008 6:08 PM | Link to this

2C I know I’m late but check it:

what I am saying though, is, once it’s ok to sleep with that person, then you tellin me they aren’t at least worthy to meet your kids? Do you introduce them? — Nope! If they have a problem with it I will understand and move on to the next chick. Just bc a chick is okay for ME to sleep with doesn’t make her okay to be involved with my kids. I do not co-mingle my life as a Dad and my life as a Single Man (two different sets of responsiblities). Now, how does your point stand up to Jumpoffs, cutbuddy etc..? If I ain’t trying to marry the chick what is the point of my kids meeting her? Also, what if dude does not want to be a male figure for their kids? Oh and don’t make the mistake of believing that EVERY kid of a single chick doesn’t have their father around. What if the chick don’t need you to be a male figure?

the situation dictates the circumstance…if she pops up, then, “hey y’all, this is such and such, a good friend of mine…”* **Pop Ups Not in my world. Why do you feel kids need so much info about their parent’s dating life? If I see them in the street it hello quick intro and then we ghost. I don’t need a chick thinking she got an in with me thru my kids.

The fact is I’m the Dad and they are the children. I don’t need to explain adult situation to them. I don’t need their approval of who i date, sex or be friends with. They don’t need a mother or female figure because they got a mother. They don’t need a dad or male figure because they got a dad. All they need to do is be a child. I got everything else covered.

By mytwocents

August 5, 2008 6:58 PM | Link to this

Uh ohhh! Blanca runnin the after hours spot.

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 7:26 PM | Link to this

why is this thing still on? lol.

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 7:31 PM | Link to this

for real your 6:08, that’s what i’m talkin’ bout!!!

By Blanca

August 5, 2008 7:56 PM | Link to this

Wow - are we having an all-nighter?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 8:00 PM | Link to this

trippin cause…..ummm yeah, an after hours spot? ha!!!!

By Jamoca

August 5, 2008 8:39 PM | Link to this

Well, well, well…..I liiiiikkkke

hey ya’ll!

Blanca

Looks like somebody’s got spesha’ privileges aka “the hook up”…hehehe

…though this wouldn’t be a bad idea

By Beautiful

August 5, 2008 10:08 PM | Link to this

y’all need to go to sleep! or maybe not … lol.

By KJ

August 6, 2008 2:41 AM | Link to this

Up until a year or so ago, I was staunchly against dating a divorcee or a man with children

but then I met a … doctor

Yep.