Misadventures in Atlanta

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 8:10 AM | Link to this

Morning

I’m getting laid off in about a month

….Never dated any newly divorced dudes.

How do you know what’s appropriate to talk about with a new partner? No matter what you talk about, i don’t think the person should go on and on about their past relationship/SO unless asked specific questions.

what are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children? I don’t have kids but if i did, i highly doubt my kids would meet every tom, dick, harry that i met or was attracted to. They don’t need to be wondering if their mama is a h0.

By T

August 5, 2008 8:27 AM | Link to this

Well you have to know that being fresh from a divorce they are still going to be a little messed up.

It is never appropriate to constantly talk about an ex. I’m sure with children envolved making adjustments to his past relation ship was hard. (still no excuse)

I would feel really strange being introduced to someones children too early. If a lady bairly knows me, why would she want me to meet her children? What does that say about them?

By AC

August 5, 2008 8:34 AM | Link to this

Dated a divorced guy once..didn’t have children, but all he did was talk about his ex-wife and the pain of their break-up..I just got tired of it..I am just not that interested to date divorced guys and most definitely not ones with kids.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 8:37 AM | Link to this

Good morning!!

Slim Awwww man!! I’m sorry to hear that. What are you going to do next?

How many of you have dated folks fresh from divorce

I’ve dated a few men fresh from divorce. Not a pleasant experience. I know that some people can become emotionally detached well before the divorce is final, but the men I met had serious issues with their exes and wanted to talk about them incessantly. No matter what they said about being “ready to date”, they were not. They might have been “ready for sex”, but not to have a relationship. They were way too hurt to process everything that had happened to them to really put anything into developing another relationship. From then on, I learned my lesson about fresh divorcees and I steer WAY clear.

It’s not my preference to date men with children either. I have in the past, but I would prefer to not have to deal with the extra emotional layers that exist when children are in the picture.

By Raqi

August 5, 2008 8:45 AM | Link to this

A continuous diatribe about the demise of your last relationship is never an appropriate line of conversation with anyone but a psychologist. It’s just not healthy for you and definitely not healthy for a new relationship.

First of all it is a clear sign that you have not moved on. And secondly you are with a new person who wants to get to know you not your ex and all the horrible or even good things he/she did to you or for you.

On the when to meet the kids, it’s up to the parent because they will be the one that has to deal with kids if and when it’s all over. Parents know what their kids can and cannot handle for the most part. No matter how the single party says they feel about it, the parent is going to do what they feel is right whether it’s with you or someone else when it comes to their kids.

I personally chose when someone would meet my kids based on how I felt the relationship was going and how I gauged how the person truly felt about me having kids. Most of the men I dated never met my kids. It was only a select few. And yes it can be difficult when you have sole custody.

After being presented with a series of whats and whys from my nearly 5 year old son after my relationship with whitebread ended, I made the decision to not have over night guest when my sons were home.

And I also let the men I dated know that my kid’s immediate needs came first in my life while we were dating. When you wife me up then things will fall into their proper positions but until then you are just a date. A stranger.

That’s how I handled being a single parent.

By Hmm

August 5, 2008 8:46 AM | Link to this

So what I’m hearing, is most steer clear of divorcees, especially those with children. So I guess if you’re divorced with kids you don’t deserve to ever date again?

Holier than thou? Hope all your marriages work out. Chances are they won’t, and your attitude will change!

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 8:47 AM | Link to this

Foots I’m going to finally start up my Bunyun Removal Service…but what will set me apart from the competition is mine will be “on wheels”, where we come to you…j/k.

I really don’t know. Get another job I guess. Severance ain’t gonna last me long enough to get out of the Rat Race just yet. I got the news yesterday…went home and had me a Rum & Coke. lol

By Sassy

August 5, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

Run, Forrest! RUN! Dating a freshly divorced man (or woman for that matter) has never been successful for either party.

The Divorcee’ really should allow time between break up and start up to discover who they are and what do they want.

When I was in the ‘dating pool’ I would not date a man with children under the age of 16. Just my personal rule. I have the most respect for people who ‘put their children first’ but that just means I’ll always be ‘last’ in their minds eye. (Nope, not for me!)

And no, I don’t have to be #1 (all the time - wink) nor do I want to be put on a pedistal but I have found those men who ‘put their children first’ usually do so at at their own destruction.

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 8:48 AM | Link to this

s’up folk!!!

i have dated numerous divorced women over the years and i always inquire about how long they have been divorced. i’m not even interested in pursuing if it’s been less than a year and the children are under about 8 years old.

if the divorce is less than a year the wounds are too fresh, the bitterness is still too stong and if the kids are too young, there probably is still a lot of back and forth going on with ex.

like the ole’ folk say, time heals all wounds. if she is smart she has enough sense not to even try to pursue a relationship less than a year after the “d”, they should have had time to reflect and work through some of their feelings. it still maybe some issues /walls that will come up but most of the venom has lost some it’s potentcy.

By AM

August 5, 2008 8:51 AM | Link to this

I’m divorced and have dated guys who have been divorced and guys who have never married. I actually preferred to date the divorced guys because I knew what they were going through and they knew what I was going through. Unless you’ve been through it, I don’t think you can truly understand what it does to you. However, you definitely have to limit the talk about the ex in any kind of relationship. Also, there are some people who jump into the dating scene entirely too early. They’re just not ready to date yet and shouldn’t be dating. As a divorcee myself, my advice if you’re dating someone newly divorced is to be compassionate, but try to guide the conversation away from the ex. He/she probably doesn’t even realize that he/she is doing it. For the longest time I had no stories to contribute to a conversation that didn’t include the ex, which is what happens when you spend 8 years with someone. As far as children go, I don’t have any and I refused to date guys with children. Too much baggage and the ex is never completely out of the picture when children are involved.

By I Don't Wanna Play House

August 5, 2008 8:54 AM | Link to this

Beware - there’s usually a reason why they’re divorced and, sooner or later it will surface in the new relationship. As the saying goes, “no matter how good looking she is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her $h#t”.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 8:55 AM | Link to this

SlimOne, so sorry to hear about that. My job is always hiring. Go to wwww.opc.com to see if there’s anything their fitting your field of expertise.

I don’t think anyone should date someone fresh from a divorce. The pain, no matter how masked, is too much on the surface. Extremely unwise to constantly talk about the demise of a marriage. I have a friend who recently told me he was surprised I never said a bad word to him about my ex. He then commended me saying he knew if I didn’t say anything to him, I didn’t say anything bad about him to or in front of my daughter. He’s absolutely right! All divorcees should give themselves some healing process time before getting back out there to meet a possible partner. Now, if you’re only looking for a jump off, then jump and then see what doctor you might have to visit in near future. Wait, wait, wait!!!

what are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children Never introduce your romantic partnerS to your children. You can introduce what you hope to be that special one after time, but it’s not wise nor is very considerate of your children’s feelings to bring every person your dating in contact w/your children. A mixed message is being given to the child which says mommy/daddy is playing the field and here is my newest conquest.” Not a good look!!!

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

SexyL thanks hun…I will definitely put it on my list of places to check out.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:04 AM | Link to this

for all y’all trippin bout lettin your romantic interest meet your kids….lemme ask you this, who knows you’re romantically involved ‘cept the two of you??? How many of your “friends” have met your kids? Just throwin some’n out there to make you think…..Nah, ya youngins ain’t gotta be privvy to ya bedroom activities, but to say, no you can’t meet my kids yet, is asinine!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 9:05 AM | Link to this

LOL…had only ONE rum and coke???

I agree w/you SAMIAM, shouldn’t date a divorcee less than year into the divorce. Reflection is needed and if children are involved, adjustment to their new circumstance of being w/one parent is paramount to their healthy development. Bringing in dating partners shouldn’t be part of the restructuring process (JMO)!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 9:06 AM | Link to this

Sorry, that’s www.opc.com.

By Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 5, 2008 9:07 AM | Link to this

Morning All

SlimOne sorry to hear about your job chica. Hang in there and if I hear about anything I will let you know. What field are you in?

On topic: I am a divorcee w a child. At this point no one meets lil mo til the relationship has been established. I dont want to introduce anyone to my child prematurely. And as for dating, I would prefer someone who at least has a kid. I dont plan to have anymore children so to meet a man w/o a child seems pointless as he may want one (or more). He doesnt have to have been married before though.

I Dont Wanna Play House Beware - there’s usually a reason why they’re divorced and, sooner or later it will surface in the new relationship This is the case for any person. Divorcees arent the only folks with drama/baggage/issues, whatever you want to call it. Its plenty of people that havent been married that have serious issues!! :0)

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 9:12 AM | Link to this

Good Morning All,

I have dated a divorce gentleman before and while I enjoyed his company he too had healing left to do from his divorce. At the time I was young and didnt understand all of his behaviors(needy) but when I look back on it I can see clearly that his needy behavior was directly in relation to all that had happen to him during his marriage and his divorce. But I would never rule out dating another divorce guy..everyone heals differently so I can’t say that the next divorce man will be like so and so.

As for when to meet the children..I am a firm in my belief that kids should stay out of the dating process until something firm and long term has been established. In other words..just because he is taking you out doesn’t mean the little one(s) have to tag along too. Get to know each other first and then when there is a firm foundation established you can bring the kids on board.

Sorry to hear about your layoff Slim

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

Good morning everyone. Why is the summer going aways so fast?

Divorced guys are one thing. Baby daddies are another. I think divorced guys who desire to get married again are very suitable partners. I think they are more realistic about marriage. That is, if they are not hung up over their ex. I went out with one divorced guy with kids. No chemistry. Nice guy tho.

I don’t typically attract guys with kids, even as they get older. I guess “toxic bachelors” are more drawn to me.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:13 AM | Link to this

another fallacy…….recent divorcees are the worse??? ummm, last I checked, a divorce isn’t granted over night, so that means it’s been brewing for some time, right, and then the process itself takes some time; My ex and I separated, and the divorce took two years to finalize….so with dude’s philosophy, that would mean a 3 year hiatus from dating???? Ha….

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Play House “no matter how good looking she is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her $h#t”

I think that’s everybody. The problem is, if you run from somebody who you think is crazy, you’ll run right into the arms of somebody who makes the last person look sane. Everybody has their issues, some can be dealt with and some need white jackets. I’d hope that people are choosing mates using criteria beyond looks anyway.

SAMIAM I agree that some time needs to be taken after the divorce. I don’t know if you can put a timetable on it, but the divorced person just needs to be honest with themselves and the people they date to alert them that they may not be ready. I don’t see a problem with enjoying someone else’s company, as long as everyone knows what the deal is and can accept that. I just got tired of men swearing me up and down that they were ready, but couldn’t keep their exes names out of their mouths.

By MLL(mammalongleggs)

August 5, 2008 9:16 AM | Link to this

Good morning Good People, Raqi I can relate to you as I am too a single parent and when it comes dating and kids sometimes it can be a joggler. I’ve had times when they want to meet my kids instantly. I figure there’s some kind of hidden motive behind it and I decline. I don’t introduce my kids to guys I date, Since I’ve been single I’ve been in one relationship and that lasted 4 years, now that I’m single and dating again my kids haven’t met any one outside of my one male running buddy.

As for dating a divorcee, that’s all I’ve been meeting, is Atlanta the divorce captiol or what? LOL….I’ve been thru the oh feel sorry for me, lemme tell you bout my ex and then one keep me up to date with what his ex wife said, didn’t say, and what ever move she made thru out the week. I’m not against dating a divorcee but I am against dating a divorcee whose still married in his mind.

Although I’ve never been divorced, I have been married and I think with the demise of relationship/marriage you need time to heal.

By Teresa

August 5, 2008 9:21 AM | Link to this

That kid Mike chose Roci over Lisa ray?!

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:22 AM | Link to this

2 Can Everybody is talking about their own experiences. Your experience is not like that. All divorces are not the same, true. Like I said earlier, some people are emotionally detached from their spouse well before the divorce, and they are ready to move on on Day 1 after the decree is signed. Unfortunately, you never know what type of divorcee you have until you get with them, because they will ALL say “I’m over it!”. No man wants to admit that the divorce has adversely affected him.

But I’m sure you’d see what we were saying if you had to sit and listen to some woman arguing with her ex-husband on the phone about the kid and inserting his name into just about every conversation you had. You’d want to give her a little more time to deal with her domestic issues too.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 9:24 AM | Link to this

There’s a provision in the spritual contract that conflicts with the law of the land.

One reason that the D has yet to be married, is because divorce is not an option:

..til DEATH do we part…

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:25 AM | Link to this

so if the other person cain’t meet the kids yet, what ya doing with ‘em while you and that person are “establishing” something?

By Blanca

August 5, 2008 9:27 AM | Link to this

Hmm I don’t think that’s what people are saying, and it’s certainly not my point. There’s a distinction between a divorcee who has moved on and is ready to date again, and someone who is still dealing with his/her divorce and puts that burden on their next partner. Stay with us, my friend!

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 9:28 AM | Link to this

…so with dude’s philosophy, that would mean a 3 year hiatus from dating???? Doubt it, probably got some nookie on the side somewhere. But, the same thing goes for when people live together years on years end who wind up finally getting married. For some reason, that little piece of paper changes people. Same with divorce. It may have been brewing over the years, but once it’s finalized the grieving process starts right there all over again FOR SOME!

By AM

August 5, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Be careful I Don’t Wanna Play House. Following your logic, one could say that there is a reason all of the single people out there are still single too! When I was still in the dating scene, if I met a guy who was in his 30s and had never been married I had to wonder if there was a reason why. That didn’t prevent me from dating them, if we hit it off. I just know quite a few people who comment about that and ask themselves “What’s wrong with this person and why has nobody wanted to marry them yet?” Just like any relationship, there are many good reasons to get divorced. In my case, my husband was a cheating b*******. Should I have stayed married to him to avoid the stigma of divorce? I don’t think so.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

Foots, been there, and the minute she starts talking about ex, then that tells me she ain’t over him, and I’m out! That’s too easy! If you see the signs, why ignore them?

By Dan

August 5, 2008 9:29 AM | Link to this

@Foots

When the topic changes…I got a question to ask you….please remind me

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 9:30 AM | Link to this

One reason that the D has yet to be married, is because divorce is not an option:..til DEATH do we part…

Dan - Great point. It’s so important for both individuals to go into marriage with this mentality. I don’t take it lightly either. It’s til death, man. That’s heavy.

By Deeva4Life

August 5, 2008 9:33 AM | Link to this

SlimOne I feel your pain…I was laid off after 7 years on my job last Thursday. So know that you’re not alone in this.

By melo

August 5, 2008 9:34 AM | Link to this

i wdnt date a recent divorcee,and not for the reasons u all cite,but becoz the sore exes seem to want to introduce guns and violence in the picture.I have seen that fatal attraction played in the news so many times…..to the detriment of innocent pudsy seekers……..

By lurker

August 5, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

Right on Dan There’s a provision in the spritual contract that conflicts with the law of the land I was wondering when someone was going to bring that up. Divorce is not allowed.

By abc

August 5, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this

Being the sum of your experiences, once a divorcee, always a divorcee. It’s not as if it goes away.

Can you handle being a divorcee, can others handle your being one? Maybe. It varies per person, Your Mileage May Vary.

It’s called baggage.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

2 Can been there, and the minute she starts talking about ex, then that tells me she ain’t over him, and I’m out! That’s too easy! If you see the signs, why ignore them?

I don’t. And that’s why I’m not with them, and that’s why I steer clear of folks who have the potential for not being over their past situation. That’s kinda what everybody is saying.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 9:36 AM | Link to this

Auntie, I know that’s how some operate; I’m just a firm believer in LIVING! Lemme ask ya this, then…..if you and lil Leggs were out and about, would you refuse an advance from a dude cause you were in her presece? Fellas, have you ever approached a female while in the company of your shorties?

By melo

August 5, 2008 9:45 AM | Link to this

Fellas, have you ever approached a female while in the company of your shorties? i think my bro,who is divorced, does that and my observation is,its not healthy.My nephw said sme like this to him,the other day as we were leaving his footbal game:u always flirting with sme girls.He is only 6.That did not sound right to me and i checked my bro on his approaches to females while in his son’s presence.Mentally the son has been spoiled coz he now also looks at females in a diffrnt way,like chasing after them is a sport or smething……………at 6 yrs….smh

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 9:47 AM | Link to this

Mornin’, I agree with SlimOne, Sexy, Raqi & abc, you should never introduce your children unless the relationship get to a point of a long-term situation. I’m a divorcee of 14yrs and because I have boys, it’s a matter of respecting them, their feelings and our home. And, I honestly did not care if my date had issues with it. It was the raising my men that was most important to me. But, I’ve honestly not had any issues about it. I’ve met a few people who got offended that I wouldn’t allow them to meet my boys, you can guess how that went. One guy just wouldn’t stop inviting me and my boys to dinner and he just couldn’t grasp the idea that I wouldn’t oblige him. I stopped taking his calls.

I have dated two people who were fresh out of a divorce and/or divorcing at the time. Will never ever do it again. The first time, we dated for approx. 1 yr., however, it was after finding that he had 3 cherin’ from three different women (oh, he hid it as long as he could) and none of them were from either of his two ex-wives, which meant that this would be his third, I dropped him like a bad habit. The second time, I had dated him previously, we lost contact for approx. 3yrs., he hunted down some old co-workers and got my number, come to find out he had married (2nd wife) and was now divorcing…I explained to him that I didn’t do married folks and we simply remained cool, he would call but only to talk about how crazy his wife was (she had pulled a gun on him, but because they were both cops…”he didn’t want to see her loose her badge”…uhm, yeah ok!). I let him know that he really needed to get through “his” stuff on his own and call me when the dust had settled. He called me after he was divorced, we dated for about 2 mos. and I could see that he still had residual stuff to work out mentally, so I left that alone.

And, to I don’t…it is not always about what the “wife” did, my divorce was a result of my ex not doing what he was suppose to do as a husband. However, he is only now trying to re-enter my life and I’m not having it for my own reasons. My being single until now is definitely by choice, I’ve been engaged once since my divorce and a long-term relationship of 7 yrs since that time.

Sorry for the long post…tehehehe! But, it’s interesting this topic came up because I was just discussing why I refuse to get back with my ex this weekend :)

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 9:51 AM | Link to this

SLIM

keep yo chin up. what field are you in? what would you be interesting in job wise?

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 9:53 AM | Link to this

Morning!

Everyone has there own set of issues and baggage. Being married, single or parent does not change the state of person you are. It’s the complete person that should be considered when deciding to date or not.

“Divorcee or not” I’m not biases in regards to a guy for it. He needed have his business straight before attempting to seriously date again. Just as I have a kid. I’d make sure my business (kid/family) has nothing to do with our dating until we get more serious. Later in the dating naturally things will change.

What are your thoughts on when to introduce romantic partners to your children? Kid are smarter than we think, they know when he/she is moms “friend” and or when it’s become your “SO”. Before decide to “tell it”, i think i would first ask my child who and what does he think of this person me?

Hmmm…Slim i have info on IT support admin, and financial analyst. Wow, sorry to hear that for ya’.

Breakfast: cheese toast, coffee.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

lurker Divorce was granted to the people, though it displeases God. It is allowed in certain circumstances, such as infidelity and if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave. They even talk about divorcing a woman for finding something unpleasant about her in Deuteronomy, I guess that’s what we call irreconcilable differences. It’s clear that divorce is not the best option in all cases, but it’s interesting how the Bible covers the bases of what to do just in case of divorce.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 9:54 AM | Link to this

SAMIAM, I just want you to know that I was very inspirted by your parents love story. Kicked some things into gear for your girl!

Slim - I’m sorry to hear about your job loss! So you gotta sit there for a month, acting like you care about the job you’re about to lose.

Deeva - Sorry to hear about your situation too! Keep your heads up ladies!

By Kym aka Lady Sage

August 5, 2008 9:55 AM | Link to this

2C When I am out on a date..normally my son is home with family or with his friends. Besides if I am going out on a date I normally drive my own vehicle or if my date picks me up at home..my son is not there to meet and greet.

By abc

August 5, 2008 10:00 AM | Link to this

I recall my mom’s dates from when I was a kid, and I didn’t much care about them one way or the other. I think some of you may overestimate the importance of all that kind of stuff with kids — for the most part, as long as their material situation and surroundings stay intact, they don’t much care what else is going on as regards divorce, dating, or anything else that has to do with their parents. Children are self-centered creatures.

Protect them from people who may turn out to be child abusers or something, sure, after all, you barely know the people you date when you get right down to it. But consideration of the children’s feelings as far as the dating goes? Tellin ya, the kids couldn’t possibly care less. They don’t want to know your dates/boyfriends/girlfriends that much. If anything, you should concern yourself with dealing with the fallout your kids are sure to bring on your poor, unsuspecting newbie.

By AM

August 5, 2008 10:02 AM | Link to this

Dan and AmazonRed I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage thinking they’re going to get divorced. I never thought in a million years I would get divorce. My parents just celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary, and I worked my butt off trying to make my marriage work. The problem is that it takes 2 to make a marriage work. I think you’re being unrealistic with the death do us part stuff. I’m not saying to go into a marriage as a pessimist expecting it to fail and not trying your hardest. I thought I was careful and chose the right partner. We dated for several years before getting married, so we didn’t rush into anything. However, you can’t control your partner. If they don’t want to make the marriage work, there is nothing you can do about it! Would you imprison yourself in a bad marriage? You only get this one life to live. I chose to be happy. I agree that marriage isn’t something to take lightly. However, I’m not going to sit there quietly and meekly and accept the fact that my husband is cheating on me, or whatever the issue may be.

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 10:04 AM | Link to this

Deeva Yeah, I’m aight so far. I was here 5 years. Some of the veterans didn’t take it so well. The thought of having to get back out there is very scary to them. Hayo…it’s a little unnerving for me too but I assume that was just God’s kick in my bottom to get my grind on. I’m sure its a Blessing though.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

2 Can - In my early 20s I dated a man who was legally separated, on the way to divorce. His wife had moved and taken their son 1000 miles away.

His ex wasn’t the problem. Now that he was “free” again, he was a man wh0re! LOL. All this to say, you gotta give those things time. I think our situation would have been much better if the divorce had been final and he had gotten at least a year afterwards out of his system (let some other chick break him in).

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this

No, I wouldn’t refuse an advance if made in good taste. Hell, I’m not trying to show lil leggs that mommy’s a robot. She may not see me having company late at night or the 3 us dining together, but she’s very much aware that men step to me when in public. I’m not trying to hide the fact she has a cool a$$ mommy, just not inviting all that’s interested in me into our lives!

By melo

August 5, 2008 10:08 AM | Link to this

divorce is only an option if the wife cheats…………all the other reasons pple give are frivolous and selfish……Unless one is incacerated for a long time(20yrs) or the wman cheats,there is no need to divorce,just work it out until the kids are adults……and ull be too old to consider another man or wman anyway.Its better to please God than oneself……

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

“I think some of you may overestimate the importance of all that kind of stuff with kids — for the most part, as long as their material situation and surroundings stay intact, they don’t much care what else is going on as regards divorce, dating, or anything else that has to do with their parents. Children are self-centered creatures.”

Eureka!!! Like I said, yeen gotta let ‘em be privvy to ya bedroom relations, but as long as they’re happy, and see you happy, they could care less what you’re doing…..

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

@abc

Naw….that ain’t true in the slightest.

When mom’s hurt, you hurt. And if it’s over some dude, it’s even worse.

Kids notice everything in their lives and those that swallow it, have it come back out later.

So, as self centered as some kids be, please don’t think that they don’t notice the things the parents do.

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

Lady Red

make it do , what it do

2 Can… i don’t have kids so… no, if i did, prolly not. don’t wanna send the wrong message or use my kids as bait.

By Cemeeli

August 5, 2008 10:09 AM | Link to this

I recall my mom’s dates from when I was a kid, and I didn’t much care about them one way or the other.

I think my kid would act along these lines; he’d be more interested in the guy if he is interested into sports and having fun than anything. I have stated before a child can adapt/transition with mom/dad’s relationship as long as they are being loved, nourished and cared for. They are very acquiescent lil people when they are confident w/ themselves.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:11 AM | Link to this

Would you imprison yourself in a bad marriage?

Probably. If there are no bibical reasons for divorce, I probably would. I make my own happiness. I don’t need anyone else to.

And I’m not saying any one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced. What I’m saying is that some people know they have an “out” if they get bored or fall out of love, etc. No, you can’t control another person, but you can find a partner that has the same ideals as you on matters such as these.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:14 AM | Link to this

PLEASE STOP EATING MY POSTS! I WAS SAYING SOMETHING QUITE PROPHETIC IN ONE OF MY POSTS AND NOW CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID (lol).

By Deeva4Life

August 5, 2008 10:16 AM | Link to this

ARed Thanks for the encouraging words.

SlimOne Exactly! In times like these you have to stay positive…anything less is counterproductive. Plus we need you on your grind; there has to be thousands who could use your(mobile) Bunyan Removal Service…LMAO.

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:17 AM | Link to this

@Am

That’s why I’m not married. There have been women to spend time with, have yet to meet the one to spend my life with.

Truth be told, I can’t let her leave. Spousal priviledge prevents her from testifying, but it can be argued that after the divorce that priviledge is discounted. So my equation: potentially jail v. staying….she stays.

That, plus the fact that I’m not trying to have that on my resume. I realize that life throws curves, but that’s why you work on the off speed pitch in the offseason…

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:20 AM | Link to this

Wow ARed. When you’re actually in one, you just might change your mind. If you don’t, good for you!

I’m in agreement with recall my mom’s dates from when I was a kid, and I didn’t much care about them one way or the other. Nada! They were all bums and predators!!! So, yes children pay attention and that’s why its imperative that not every joe blow comes into my house and interact w/me and my child.

By SlimOne

August 5, 2008 10:21 AM | Link to this

Mo/SAMIAM I’ve been in customer relations for some time but really is considering doing something else…not sure what though just yet. Whatever I am supposed to be doing, I have faith is what i will end up doing.

By abc

August 5, 2008 10:22 AM | Link to this

Sure they notice, Dan. They just don’t care nearly as much as you think. It’s just my experience, from dating women with children, from my own children and from being a kid in that situation.

Now, do the parents carry on, mope around, act like a fool on account of dating? Then a kid is going feel the pain, because then they have to pay a price too. But that’s what I’m saying: as long as a kid’s situation remains stable, they couldn’t really care less about their parents.

If you want to believe otherwise, go right ahead.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:25 AM | Link to this

AM Would you imprison yourself in a bad marriage?

No, I wouldn’t. I would like for my marriage to be til death do us part, but I am also of the mindset that ish happens. I realize that many things are beyond my control, including other people. Shoot, I don’t want to have an accidental death or dismemberment either, but I sure have enough insurance to cover me in case I do. The relief is that the insurance is there if I need it, but the hope is that I never have to use it.

I watched my mother’s hair fall out from stress in her marriage to my father. I love my dad, but dude was crazy and she did the best that she could to make things work for me and my sister. But there came a time when we had to tell her that it was okay to get a divorce (being 7 and 12) and we were quite relieved when she did. We had a healthier mommy because of it.

I also watched a good friend of mine go through unspeakable pain and embarrassment with a cheating husband. If she would have asked me to pay for her divorce, I would have.

By SAMIAM

August 5, 2008 10:27 AM | Link to this

i do financial recruiting for a well known firm. we specialize in upper management and executive placement. i also do some freelance media work.

when you plot yo next move, make it yo best move and let me know, i’ll keep yo feather in my hat.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:28 AM | Link to this

I got what you’re saying abc and I totally agree with as long as the child’s situation remains stable they could care less. True, but there are some, no matter how stable and taken care of they are, too much activity will have them looking at you sideways, cockeyed and nose turned up all at one time.

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:30 AM | Link to this

Wow ARed. When you’re actually in one, you just might change your mind. If you don’t, good for you!

SexyLeggs - That’s why I don’t take the vows lightly. Why make them in the first place. If any of you divorcess think “til death” is unrealistic, why did you stand up there and say those words? Why not take them out? My friend purposely took “obey” out of her vows. She knew she would never be able to “obey” her husband. But he knew this going in and still chose to marry her.

I am fully aware that a majority of society feels divorce is an option. So I am fully prepared to be a life long single. As much as I enjoy the ocmpany of the guy I’m dating, I don’t know if our relationship can last until death. And I’m not so into being “married” that I’d ignore these signs just to have the experience of locking someone down.

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:32 AM | Link to this

abc I was a kid of divorce and my parents both had long term relationships after the divorce. With my mother and one guy she dated, I never really knew they were dating until years later. There was one that she dated for many years and I actually wished that she would marry him, he was so much fun to be around. With my dad, he only had two long-term girlfriends while I was little. I have no idea how long they had dated before I met them, but I didn’t really care. Thinking like a kid, I was just happy that my parents seemed happy. I wanted both of my parents to be happy more than anything else.

So dating divorcees, your kids are probably thinking the same thing, especially if they understand a little of why you got divorced and don’t hold anything against you or your former spouse. My parents didn’t bring just anybody around, but when they did bring someone, I was happy for them.

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 10:33 AM | Link to this

melo, divorce is only an option if the wife cheats…………all the other reasons pple give are frivolous and selfish, aren’t you contradicting yourself? Your saying if ANYONE else divorce because they’re mate cheated is frivolous and selfish, yet you feel within your rights to divorce for the very same reason? Not only that, are you saying that if your wife was to find you cheating, she should stay and work the marriage out, cause it’s simply frivolous and selfish on her part to divorce you for cheating? That she should wait until she’s too old for anyone else to want her? your not serious, are you?…

By Dan

August 5, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

@abc

Now you’re scaring me.

Only a sociopath would go through the travails of dating and not have an emotional reaction to the situation. Subsequently, everyone in their lives that is familiar with them can tell a difference, especially their child.

So to think that mom or dad goes out and meets “the one” then likely stuff wouldn’t change. But from dating, to child support, to paying the mothly bills, homie, life as a single parent is hard. There will be emotions.

Bet five if you asked your kids about their situations, their answers would likely surprise you.

By melo

August 5, 2008 10:34 AM | Link to this

I love my dad, but dude was crazy and she did the best that she could to make things work for me and my sister. U looking at that marriage from a child’s eyes…at 12,what did u knw about the happenings of the marriage.And girls usualy support the mother,even when she is wrong(they have no clue).Been there…….

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 10:35 AM | Link to this

Slim Girl I am sorry about your job mami. Stay tough and keep looking. QC….got any options for you?

Sassy I feel you on the 2nd thing. I do not want to alter my plans because of kids. Don’t tell me that you can take me to Disney World because your kids will be upset! I will not have my life governed by kids!

AM As far as children go, I don’t have any and I refused to date guys with children. Too much baggage and the ex is never completely out of the picture when children are involved. I feel the same way. The exception would be if the kids live in another state. I just can’t deal with the mama drama. For some reason they think you want their kids…like you wnat to be their mother. I am like, “trick I do not have my own kids for a reason, now ehy the hell would I want yours”? Get real! I likee…no LOVE my kid-free life. Its a freedom that I would not trade for anything.

ARED Toxic Bachelors…..LOL please elaborate.

Deev4life wow, just like that? I am sorry.

Damn Sidelines….that is crazy! Run girl run! LOL

**

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:37 AM | Link to this

Amazon My friend purposely took “obey” out of her vows. She knew she would never be able to “obey” her husband. But he knew this going in and still chose to marry her.

He probably made the right choice for him. He knew that if she took her “obey” out, his “obey” went right along with it, since vows are reciprocal. LOL! They did keep the “love and honor” part in, right?

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 10:40 AM | Link to this

“too much activity will have them looking at you sideways, cockeyed and nose turned up all at one time.”

too much activity and they oughta be looking at you sideways….discretion is the operative word.

By Poppa Grande

August 5, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Slim

Keep yo’ head up.

Hopefully, you keep yourself laughing as much as you keep us laughing. Hey if you can’t laugh at yourself….

Dan

ABC is correct. Children are not only self-centered, but they are resilient also. They hurt if mommy shows that she is hurt. At that point, it affects their world.

SexyLeggs

Did you hear Baisden yesterday (I only listen on Monday because it is kids topics on Mondays)? They talked about Lil Wayne’s song “Lollipop.” Most kids knew exactly what he was talking about. Including one as young as 5 years old.

By abc

August 5, 2008 10:45 AM | Link to this

Who do you think you’re telling, Dan? I am a single parent.

It would help if you could put together a coherent sentence, one with an actual complete thought. What exactly are you trying to say? From your position of inexperience, what exactly do you think you know?

By Foots

August 5, 2008 10:46 AM | Link to this

melo U looking at that marriage from a child’s eyes…at 12,what did u knw about the happenings of the marriage.

I was 7. I knew that I was tired of not being able to sleep at night from hearing the fights coming from their room. All I needed to know was that it wasn’t working, which coincidentally, is the same thing my parents figured out. One thing you can’t question me on is what I have been through or what I felt while I was going through it. At 31, I would feel the exactly same way. Common sense, at 7 or at 31, would tell you that discord and strife does not make for the best home environment.

By SexyLeggs

August 5, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

ARed, not one of is said til death was unrealistic. We’re only saying it wasn’t possible for us. You make them in the first place because you truly believed in your vows. When life takes a turn for the worst and you find yourself with a man or woman who just doesn’t care or who doesn’t even want to work at the marriage you can stay and lose your soul to this person. You can stay and remain unhappy and miserable to death. Yes, you can stay and do everything within your power to help the situation stay afloat. But, when you realize that you’re the only one and you are dying inside day by day, what would you do. Continue to lay w/someone you despise, continue to co-exist w/some you hate or someone who hates you because of til death do us part? The intent is there, life circumstances somestimes yield a different result. I’m not on a soap box just really wondering. Let me ask you this….besides physical abuse, is there any other reason you can find that would warrant one seeking a divorce??

By Leroy

August 5, 2008 10:48 AM | Link to this

Divorced?? That’s why I never married any o them ho’s I knock up. i’m clean an free ladies!

By Sidelines

August 5, 2008 10:49 AM | Link to this

Stace, girl I did! Like I said dropped them both like bad habits.

By 2 Can Play That Game©

August 5, 2008 10:52 AM | Link to this

Slim….you could take that severance and upgrade the Flea Market booth……just a thought….

By AmazonRed

August 5, 2008 10:53 AM | Link to this

Foots - They kept all the vows, but obey. Still going strong, at least for now. And she wants to move out of state and he doesn’t. So shey is “obeying” him…for now. LOL

I also knew when my parents were having problems in their marriage. Well, my mom is a pessimist, so there is always a problem. I heard no fighting, but I do remember that there were times I wished they’d get a divorce already (but I WAS a kid, who thought divorced was “cool” cuz everybody’s parents were).

I know my parents can’t say they were happy at all times in their marriage. But I am glad they stuck together because they are a team. They share in their success and failures. Even when they don’t particulary LIKE each other for the moment.

I say neither party at fault more than the other, from my limited view as their kid.

By Staceye AKA Black Mamba

August 5, 2008 10:55 AM | Link to this

ARED My friend purposely took “obey” out of her vows.8 Hell it should not have ever been in there! What kind of grown woman slinks back into a child’s place? As a kid..I obey parents and adults. As a grown woman the word obey is no longer in my vocab…unles it pertains to obeying laws to keep me from jail.

melo divorce is only an option if the wife cheats Perhaps you should reprhase that to include husband as well. It is sounding like you think its ok for a husband to cheat…but God forbid a wife does it…hell has a snow day and the world stop turning and she is the most vile person alive huh? SMH I also think divorce is the option if one becaomes physically abusive. There is nothing to work out once you put your hands on me. If I do not kill you…you best believe there would be no discussion except who gets to keep what in the divorce….oh and I would press charges…go get your azz beat up by real men in prison who do not choose to beat on women. Hope they put you with a rapist as your cell mate! LOL

By Hot Lurker

August 5, 2008 10:56 AM | Link to this

Foots is always pompous, arrogant and so dxxn full of herself. She is a pathetic loser who wants to impress others she’s on the ball and knows everything. Stop it… enough already Foots. She has to comment and challange all male bloggers like she is so smart and something special. Get over yourself, loser.</